'Betel Nuts & Terrace Seer'
'An auspicious day when the entire city suffered a lockdown in 2020'
Damn! Did we think this 6 months ago?
A pandemic called Corona will dance on top of our heads, hunching our lives?
Everyone in a spurt of panic
Boiled and brewed ginger, turmeric, even snuff powder, ending up with loosies!
What is the problem in our office?
As it is, no one has the habit of reading in our city
Even if they decorate their hall with books
...they just collect dust on the shelves
We live in such an intelligent city
What is the plight of weekly magazines then?
Circulation has dropped down lower than rock bottom
50% of the employees will be dismissed from work it seems
I have loans and debts to repay in all 8 directions
If we lose our job what do we do, sir?
What can we do?
Opt for mercy killing our family, slit our own neck and die
- What are you doing, dear? - 'Watching web series Game of Throne'
Aiyaiyo! Won't everyone parade naked in it?
'After this web series popped up, dear, blue-film makers will face heavy loss!'
'You had your dinner? You have high BP and diabetes'
Is it some kind of 'superstar' title?
Don't combine both! Can't you just ask if I've eaten?
'I made 'dosa' from batter I bought What is our Raji dear doing?
'Your daughter has a cushy life sleeping away to glory'
'Passing her tests without writing any exam, arrogant child!'
Hey! Don't deride our daughter
As if only our daughter passed? Same story nationwide thanks to Covid 19
What about our son?
'He is not problematic at all'
'His eyes are glued to the cartoon channel'
'Did you request the owner to reduce our rent?'
Oh gawd! Trying to talk to him is total waste of time
Shameless fellow!
He literally fell at my feet and said 'I can't reduce'
On top of all this I have hassles at work
'I thought as much Stressed out, huh?'
Why should I be tense?
'Then why the dash are you holding a video call to your ear?!'
Video call, huh?
Aiyo! Good lord!!
Why are you looking so terrible?
Like you were cutting grass in the corn fields
Why haven't you bathed?
'Past 2 days water shortage here'
'What is the problem at work?'
Don't even ask me
200 employees have been sacked More than 50% lost their job
Really?
Your husband's name is right on top of the next dismissal list
'What are you saying, dear?'
Yes, to safeguard my seat
I have to do something very different
Why did I add salt to water melon juice?
'You've already done something very different'
'Terrace Siddhar Jagan notes'
'He's a different God-man, bro He melts with the wind!'
- 'Shall we carry this as News? - Why waste time?'
'Silicon based nano technology is trending now'
'You want to interview seers and saints We can look into this later'
[mobile ringing]
Hey! Jagan
'Think of the devil'
- 'Good morning, bro' - Jagan, what's up?
What to do, bro? I lost my job, right?
I'm lying flat on my bed staring blankly at the ceiling!
Look, last asset on my finger My grandpa's two-bit gold ring!
Don't fret, da, I'll help you with your daily expenses for next month
No, thanks I'll manage, bro
Okay then
- Er...Jagan bro - 'Yes, bro'
You once wanted to interview some God-man, right?
Hahn...yes, bro
That God-man's name is 'Terrace seer'
He is 400 years old it seems
'He comes only once in 50 years it seems'
'There are certain procedures to invite him I believe'
Even if we try our level best
...he will show up only if he thinks we are eligible enough
- How pricey is that! - 'Trust me, bro'
'His last appearance was in 1970, bro'
We published a piece of news even in our own magazine
'It is archived in our library'
Struck me out of the blue That's why I asked, forget it
Come home for lunch one day
When shall I come, bro?
What's the tearing hurry? Let my wife come back
- 'Okay?' - Fine, bro
Didn't he say 1970?
'Return of Terrace Seer after 50 years'
Library is opening of its own accord!
'Oho! This is the God-man, huh?'
'1870, with the king of Ujjain'
1920
'During the Spanish Flu pandemic'
'1970, foothills of Pavalagiri, is it?'
'He looks the same in every century!'
If Terrace Seer is visiting someone
'Such a situation will unfold naturally'
One who wants his blessings
'Should meditate without expectations observing a vow of silence, that will do'
'In the book Siddha Vajrayini'
Any one can find all the facts
The hand book of Siddha medicine
'Siddha Vajrayini by Kalasa Mudaliyar'
'Terrace seer was left out in the list of 18 enlightened ascetics'
'Known for his short fused temper'
His razor sharp tongue will spit out words frankly
Straightforward
If I can somehow invite and interview him
I can create quite a stir
Steps to invite him personally
...can be found in 'Guru Kumbayini' written by architect Sudarshan
'The Mystic Times'
That book was last published in 1942
No other edition since then
Library doesn't cater to books on religion in general
Oh!
'Unlikely you will find it in Connemara Library either'
Thank you, sir
'Guru Kumbayini The Mystic Times'
Sir...?
The man who collects old newspapers came 2 days ago
He gave this book for free
'During pre dawn hours in a new mud pot'
'If you brew cactus dipped in mustard oil and boil till the water evaporates'
The seer will come willingly
At pre dawn, that is between 3:30 a.m and 5:30 a.m
Fill half a new terracotta pot with cactus leaves and mustard oil
Add 36 betel nuts
And 27 long red chillies with green stripes
Close with a lid and boil well
Remove the lid, allow that rare scent to mix with the pre dawn breeze
If he so wishes, the 'siddhar' will visit the terrace of that house
'Yes, Kanda'
Regarding the interview of that seer
Try to get him
Even if I am the editor I'm also an employee
'Chairman actually said no one should be sacked'
I was the one who sacked 200 employees
Saved him money and found a place in his heart
Shouldn't you be in my good books too?
'I read about this seer'
'If you don't get me this unique interview'
'You have to find a permanent spot in your kitchen, that's it'
'It's your last chance, okay?'
Okay, sir
'Pre-dawn hours'
[mobile rings]
[door bell rings]
I haven't even removed the lid
How can the seer be at my door so soon?
Swiggy, sir You ordered 'gulab jamun'
Which fellow ordered a sweet at this goddamn hour?
I did, I couldn't sleep So I ordered some sweets
Will you gobble sweets if you can't sleep?
'New cure for insomnia!'
If you eat sweets at midnight, your sugar will sky-rocket in daylight
Where is this seer?
Doesn't he wish to see me?
Or maybe I didn't boil the brew long enough?
'Are you looking for me?'
Sir!
Vanakkam, Holy saint!
My heartfelt gratitude for answering my prayer
Won't you prop up a ladder for me to climb down?
I'll bring it for you
In a jiffy
[clears throat]
What are you fumbling with?
- How did you come here so soon? - That's how it is!
Why did you want to meet me?
Long time since I interviewed someone upfront and honest
I would like to interview you
All of you continue to be wicked souls aware of every single truth only too well
Forget that fact!
I will be with you only for 24 hours
You can ask me any question you like but I have 2 conditions laid out
What are they, seer?
Condition #1
If anyone spots us here on the terrace
Then...?
Your left hand and right leg will be paralyzed
Your tongue won't move You can't talk at all
Total paralyze
Condition #2
I'll evaluate your IQ on the basis of the questions you ask me
If you fail in my estimation
You will forget every word we spoke and even the very fact we met
Total memory loss
These are more like crowbars clanging on my head than conditions!
- You haven't given any preface - If you agree I'll stay
- Otherwise I'm leaving right now - Please wait, sir
- I'll manage somehow - It's up to you
Can I go down for just 10 minutes?
Go, I need to meditate too
- Art of Living, huh? - Daaai!!
- Do you want your face punched? - I'm going down now
Charukesi!
Wide reach like BBC Ideal man to break the news
- Hello, Charu dear - Good morning, bro
What happened, bro?
6 people have Covid 19 in Arthi Flats
How terrible!
Same plight for 3 others in Oviya Flats too it seems
Aiyaiyo!
- How do you know? - I had been to the hospital
I overheard some people
- Thank God, we have escaped - Don't come to a hasty conclusion
Even I am suffering from Covid 19
Okay, bro Leave now
- Wear a mask - Let me go, move
- You wear a mask first - Wear a mask
I'll ask the neighboring apartments to lock their gates, I'll go inside too
- I'm begging you, go now - I'm glad you are this scared of Corona
Aiyo, sir!
- Yes, he sneezed right into my face - Really?
- Go...get in - Hurry up!
Keerthi...Keerthi, open
Where...to go?
Vanakkam, seer sir
With your permission, I will record your interview for our channel
You've appeared once before in 1970
Now you've come in 2020
How is our nation then and now?
Like Merkin!
Er...you could express it in a way I can understand
Like hair!
If he rips me to pieces in the beginning how will I achieve my goal?
Can you...reduce your distemper and say it in common man's lingo?
What is left to explain?
I just want to hit all of you left, right and center!
Okay, next question
Oh! He is marking my questions!
Was your list of atrocities small by any means to ignore?
God has come as Covid 19 avatar to restrain all of you with a leash
How can you say this, siddhar?
Whole world is drowning in distress because of it
World doesn't mean only you people, dimwitted dolts!
There are more than 1.6 million living species on our earth
Those that walk or crawl, fly and swim
Only the human species is disrupting the other categories
You overpopulated our earth beyond leaps and bounds
You destroyed nature completely to lead a comfortable life
Result was pollution
Mother Nature will somehow strike a balance by herself
Weren't you all holed up at home for 6 long months?
That has purified air and water
Oho!
So Corona virus is a villain only to the human species
According to you, it is a super hero to all other species
'An exam where I can't even copy!'
'A - 15.5'
- 'Wonder how I will score!' - Daaaaai!
You can hear even my thoughts I suppose! Forgive my 'mind voice', siddhar
'Ma, couldn't get signal in my phone, I came up'
'Hey! You'll go up forever Kanda sir has Corona it seems'
[coughing]
I'm coming
Run for your life! Trying to throw a spanner in the works?
O' seer, my next question
When you appeared in the 1970s
Legends like Saroja Devi and Savithri ruled the silver screen
With the present heroines like Samantha and Nayantara
What is the difference you see then and now?
- Beautiful question - Thank you very much
'S-L-A-P!'
- Why did you slap me, sir? - Jack-in-the-box junk!
Is this a question to ask a seer?
You got mud between your ears!
I wanted to rejuvenate your inner soul!
'O - Q O'
I apologized just now Can't you delete that question?
Okay, do you feel like having some biscuits and tea?
Tea...biscuit
Shall I go down and-
- Good lord seer! - Shall I bring it?
Don't be in a rush You really rock, seer sir!
How did you bring it out of the blue, sir?
There is a special coaching center near Nagpur for such magic tricks
Do you want to attend?
Your sense of humor is searing, seer sir
Siddhar, how wonderful it will be if we could eat 'samosa' in this weather?
You wished it, right? Let me wave my wand!
- Oh Lord seer! - Don't go overboard
Eat it while it's hot
Do you hail from Ranipet?
- Yes, sir - Why are you so nervous?
Only this interview will determine whether I continue as sub-editor
Or will my life limp into a gutter?
That depends on your lines of Fate
Aren't you a post graduate in Tamil?
In our most ancient grammar text Tolkapiyam how many books and how many chapters?
For your kind information
The semester date has been announced
- I enter the hall to write the exam - Hey meathead of a moron!
If you don't know say so
Right, I don't know
You hold a Master's degree in Tamil and you don't know Tamil
There's an iota of justice in it
- Your child? - He is worse than me
Earlier on, English was taught after grade 3 in his school
Nowadays only after grade 3 even Tamil is being taught
Only these politicians claim
'Tamil is our breath, backbone, kidney and knock knees!
Let me be shamelessly frank
Tamil for sure isn't rolling off the tongues of our next generation
50 years ago when I came
Everyone knew a statesman named 'Kamaraj'
A school every 3 km
He stretched out his hands to the rich without feeling ashamed to collect funds
Is Tamil absent in schools he built with such sufferance?
- Pathetic! - Listen to our present plight
There are no schools now!
100s of Govt village schools have been shut down
Now we have a pizza outlet every 3 km
Wretched fellows!
For an entire clan to prosper
One's mother tongue and education are the two eyes of progress
Which pit will you fall into, selling your eyes, blind buffoons?
That's exactly why I've arranged tuition for my children to learn Tamil properly
He calls his dad and mum 'appa' and 'amma' in Tamil
But instead of uncle he says 'mama'
Tuition is generally for learning a foreign language
Have we been reduced to this state now?
Is that something to be proud of?
'Hi uncle'
Dai! Harthik Why did you come up?
Aiyo! Amma, look at this uncle
Hey! My clauses have some sub divisions
Visitors below 8 years won't affect you
It is all in your mind Stop being Drama king!
Thank you, seer sir
You had a narrow escape this time
Don't hold me responsible if something happens after this
Sir, bless me
'O - Q O G - W'
Please step inside before any nosey parker neighbor sees you
1 minute...1 minute
- Seer sir - Bless you
Please come into my humble abode
Ahaaa!
Wowww!
You clicked your fingers on the terrace and spread a feast in my house
That too, on a banana leaf with my favorite sweet 'kesari'
Oh my dear God-man!
I must have done something good in my previous birth to meet you now
But you were a mosquito in your previous birth!
What a revelation!
- I can eat a horse - Let's eat
That was a gourmet meal
Only 2 chicken pieces were missing
'Will this sudden hike in onion price affect the general public or not?'
'What is your answer as minister of Food & Civil supplies?'
[mimicking 'ding ming music astrologer']
'You don't have to panic'
'So says the oracle'
'Shall I say something very simple? Don't add onion when you cook'
'Then how will price hike affect you? Do you get what I'm saying?
"Listen to this news of mine"
Oh gawd!
[song from 'Karagattakaran']
Oh! Are you a fan of Ramarajan?
'Snore....gorrrr'
'O - Q O, G - W G, N - X N, M - G Z'
All the Gods were locked in this Corona phase
Wherever you may roam you must seek shelter somewhere
Do you have a temple of your own?
Where, sir?
Near Oddanchatram
Foothills of Kaaramalai range
Lord Shiva's temple
A statue of 9 elixirs was erected for me too
You are using past tense Where do you rest now?
Will these miscreants spare that temple?
Some chap stole the original idol and substituted with a stone duplicate
Where do these thieving thugs crop up from?
How will Rs 1000 you pay be enough in these times?
I was so overjoyed the Govt gave me 1000 rupees for the past 2 months
Electricity bill shot up to Rs 7000!
I don't even have a fan or fridge
All I do is watch the News channel
Looks like he is hell bent on making me a paraplegic wreck!
But you are cursing innocent people for someone else's crimes?
Dai!
Chicken hearted cowards, lazy louts who don't confront criminals and culprits
Forget that
Aren't you also part of a fanatic clan?
Okkkay
Shall we have a peg?
Now you are speaking my language!
In this Covid time, even if someone buys me just a quarter
I'll treat them like divinity!
Are you such a habitual drunkard?
Who is a drunkard?
A self-made scientist who enables our cerebellum to float on cloud 9
As if our society respects such self made scientists?
Seer sir, instead of going through the normal cycle of birth and death
...how is it you are alive on this earth for 400 looong years?
- Mr Self-made scientist - Yours truly
Will a mosquito understand the intricacies of a laptop?
- No - Exactly
You won't understand it one bit
'Kandan sir, shall I come clinging to the wall?'
Who is that?
'I am the secretary, Madakulam Sundaram'
You think you own Modern Theaters! Why do you have to come up here?
'I have to set right the Dish My wife wants to watch a film'
If the dish made by your wife doesn't taste good
Garnish it with salt and pepper
If she wishes to watch TV sitting upright you'll be lying horizontal here with Corona
'Don't jinx my health I'll come later'
Come and try your luck now
'Don't waste time talking to him, dear'
Look how I'm being a dominating bully
False bravado?!
They love torturing me threatening to come up
You love torturing me frightening me with your marks
How long can I curb my tears?
Can I cry for a minute?
[loud wail]
Next is the Rapid Fire Round, sir
You must answer in 1 or 2 words
Bravo! Good way to pit our wits!
- To be avoided? - Longhand writing
- Cannot be avoided? - Studying basic Hindi
- If dug deep? - Neutrino or carbon?
- If dug wide? - Highway 60 lanes
- Once a week - Communal clash
- Once a year - Cauvery river dispute
- Perennial shock mode - Nuclear power plant
- Always on reverse mode? - Allocation of Central Govt funds
- Dissolves 100% - River sand
- Develops 101% - Multinational companies
- This nation and citizens - Let them go to hell
Aiyaiyo! Don't curse us
Pardon me Slip of the tongue
Hereafter may this nation and its citizens stand united in love and solidarity
I am laughing now
But if this interview flops I'll commit suicide
What is so amusing, sir?
Your destiny is already written
No one can change it
"Una mattina mi sono alzato"
"O bella ciao, bella ciao"
[mobile ringing]
"Sta mattina mi sono alzato"
"E ho trovato l'invasor"
- Hello? - 'What are you doing, dear?'
Er...Tamil month Chithirai
I interviewed a siddhar yesterday, dear
'How did it go? Ended well?'
'It ended-'
- Gullible journo - Dear seer
You scored above 60% in my evaluation of you
All your blessings
Keep this coir mat as my gift
Just this mat-
Devotees of Lord Shiva wove this mat exclusively for me in Mount Kailas
Antique, 300 years old
If you lie on it every Full moon night
You will be hale and healthy
You will live for 110 years comfortably
Aiyaiyo!
110 years!!
- How can I ever thank you? - Keep it in your prayer room
By living for 110 years
I'll see another 4-5 generations
I will always be grateful to this seer sir
Seer sir Siddhar seer
Siddhu?
Seer...?
My dear God-man
Pleasure of finishing my interview Pain of the seer vanishing from my view
'With both these feelings mixed in me'
'Let me guzzle it down without mixing'
'Betel Nuts & Terr-'
'Betel Nuts & Terrace Seer'
I don't know if I pulled it off, sir
I followed your instructions in this game, bro
Were you the only one?
I contributed too
'Bro is a friend of my family'
'He could have saved me by covering up my mistakes'
'Sad, he let me down in the name of integrity'
'But I didn't let go'
'Inch by inch I planned it perfectly with a capital P'
'Lion who did not cross Bay of Bengal'
'Return of Terrace Seer after 50 years'
'Siddha Vajrayini'
'What are you fumbling with?'
Your chains and bangles are sparkling so bright?
30 sovereigns of gold
'Locked up in the bureau'
I can show them off to everyone only if I'm attending some function
'You didn't face any problem, right?'
When Kanda was asleep, I took the key without his knowledge and opened the locker
I stole the jewel-
What to do?
It's 6 months since I acted in any folk dance or drama
Don't get too sentimental, boss
You aren't warding any trophy to the 'Most Trustworthy Man'
Just for your information Kanda isn't a Hindu
His name is Sikkander We shortened it to Kanda
'His wife is the Hindu'
'You blabbered about Mount Kailas and 'pooja' room oblivious of this fact'
But soooper performance
This is your share for your performance
'Rs 50000'
Which thief will dare come here? As if I'll hide your passport size photo?
- Look beneath my sarees - Below your sari?
You've converted my sweat and tears into a pile of sarees over the years!
I can't find it there
- Open the locker on top - Opened
Check if it is next to the jewelry
Next to all your jewelry Ah! Yes, I found it, dear
- Your jewelry is missing - 'Don't bring the roof down'
I pawned all my jewelry 3 years ago
Whatever we have now is not real gold
- 'Should be in my sister's house' - Okay, fine
You had to play such a role only because of Covid's crisis
Nothing wrong, dear
But you distributed all the money you got to 8 of your artistes
So what, dear?
They are part of our troupe travelling village to village trusting us
That mongrel who sketched this plan
Has the gall to make fun of integrity
I took this from that lot You think it will weigh 3 grams?
Sir...?
This is antique pink star I can quote a fixed rate
800000
'I said 8 lakhs!'
Sir, I risked my life to get this interview with the seer
'You've shortened it to this small box'
You are a Muslim and you have the mat woven by Lord Shiva's devotees in Mt Kailas
'How can you keep it in your prayer room?'
'I am confirming your post as sub editor'
'I will give you 2.5 million for your expenses'
'Give me that mat'
That mat, huh?
'My family members also suffer from ailments like blood pressure, diabetes etc'
'That coir mat can ensure we don't get bedridden'
'If this news leaks our plan will be ruined'
'I will send your promotion order and money over to you'
'Just between you and me send me that mat'
'This is a gift handed over by Covid 19 to both of us'
- 'Okay?' - 2.5 million, huh?
subtitled by rekhs assisted by sam