Suppose we ask for a budget from the head office.
They won't give it, sir.
Or say, 'It's up to you'? ‐ What if they don't give it?
Then, we must have a backup plan.
Sir, can you have this discussion somewhere else? ‐ No.
Inside? ‐ No. I can't.
T.P., come on, catch it!
Catches win matches, sir. You wanna have some ball?
Hey, Rinchin, give it here. I'm your boss.
Hey! ‐ Mummy! ‐ Sapan!
Sapan. ‐ Ouch.
Hail Lord Hanuman.
Defeat my enemies. ‐ T. P., dude.
Hail Lord Hanuman. ‐ T. P.
Hey..
Sir, take the ball.
Take the ball, sir. Take it, sir.
Okay.
You're right. I'll go inside.
Saleem!
What a dilemma.
I can't decide which motorcycle to buy.
Which one among these would be 100 percent Indian?
Amit?
How would I know? ‐ Yes, how would you know?
You're on the 12th position right? ‐ 8th.
It's the same thing.
Well, what are you getting as a prize?
'Samosas'?
Kukkad Klan's meal vouchers. ‐ Oh, wow.
That's amazing.
If you want, we can go there tomorrow on my bike.
T.P. Mishra.
Wilkins Chawla India's salesman of the year.
So, he'll get a cash prize and an award
at the prestigious Wilkins Chawla Annual Award Day.
People in his village must be celebrating
because before this
only Gangaram's bull had won an award at the cattle fair.
Pammi.
This tragedy had to happen to me?
The sorrow of losing to T. P.
I didn't mean that.
I mean, in general, my life is.. ‐ Yes..
Stop whining and have tea. ‐ Good that I found you here, Pammi.
My husband has sent you a photo of chairs
for the wedding stage. Did you see?
No. Not now.
Okay. No problem.
I'll talk to you later. ‐ No.. Take a seat.
You guys talk. I have some work, so..
I'll see you later.
You're going? ‐ Yes. ‐ Okay.
Thank you. Thank you. ‐ Okay.
The wedding is in June.
There's a lot of time.
But sometimes I have to do wedding‐related work at the office.
Now, all this might sound weird.
To everyone.
But what can I do?
So.. ear salesman.
'Ear salesman'?
Salesman of the 'ear'.
See, E‐A‐R, Y‐E‐A‐R.
Same sound, different meaning.
Wow, sir. Amazing.
It's called a pun.
It was a high‐level joke.
So? Are you ready with your speech?
Sir, it's just an award.
I'll just shake hands and get a picture clicked.
No, T. P.
You have to give a speech.
In fact, this will be the most important speech of your life.
Yes? Get it ready.
Salesman of the year.
No.
Salesman of three years.
That's right.
Yours truly has won this award thrice.
Back to back to back.
I miss those days. Hearing my name.
Going on the stage, praising myself.
These days awards are no fun.
Now it's just..
Give trophies to anyone.
Sir, if I yell 'Hail Mother India'
people will have to cheer for me.
Or else they will be considered traitors.
T.P., you've to impress these people.
And a salesman gets impressed only by three things.
Entertainment.
And. ‐ Mother India. ‐ No. Entertainment. What else?
And you're the.. Who is that..
Deepika Padukone of this award show.
I participated in a debate when I was in eighth grade.
Indian products versus foreign products.
The moment I went on the stage
the entire school started laughing at me.
Because my fly was open.
Foreign products won that day.
And since that day,
I've never been on any stage.
No, sir. I can't do this. ‐ You can't.
You won't stand even for a minute.
You can't speak English.
You don't have a sense of humour.
Sir, can I say I am constipated and skip? ‐ No, T. P.
It's just not your cup of tea.
There's not enough time either.
I'll tell you what I can do.
I can give you enough knowledge, so that you don't embarrass me there.
Yes, sir. Please.
Just teach me, I'm ready to be your copycat.
Not just copy, use your brains too. Stupid ass.
Sir, was this an advice or an abuse?
Abuse.
Uncle, you're quoting too much for the chairs.
Okay, sorry. Not 'uncle'. Vinod ji.
So, what if the chairs match with my wedding dress?
You..
Please look into it again. Check it once again.
There must be some other option.
Hello, Trippy Trails? I want to plan a trip.
I was thinking of travelling for a long time.
I just don't want to think anymore. That's it.
Where?
I haven't thought about it yet.
Yes, if you're going for a trek or something..
No. Not now.
I was thinking June.
Second and the most important.
Jokes.
T.P., why can't women do sales?
Because they're dimwits, sir.
T.P., I'm not asking you the truth.
It was a joke.
Okay. That means
you have to lie to crack jokes?
You have to be funny to crack jokes.
Funny. Like?
Listen, women can't do sales
because they care less about the sale of their goods
and more about good sales.
Sir, do you remember your old speech?
By heart, T. P.
All three. ‐ Then forget all this and give me that.
No, man. Everyone remembers it.
Forget all this. If you want to impress the audience
choose an explosive topic for your speech.
Explosive topic.. ‐ Don't write it down.
I'll give you a demo.
Hello, everybody.
Last Diwali, nobody got a bonus.
So, this month the company is giving
a bonus of Rs. 50,000 to everybody.
Really? This is great news.
Meena buy four bangles instead of two.
Honeymoon in Kullu.
See, they look so happy.
Sir, they're going crazy.
And why wouldn't they?
After all, the company is giving a bonus.. ‐ Shut up.
No one is getting a bonus. Okay? ‐ No?
That's what I'm trying to teach you.
Now, it's your turn.
Go there and say something exciting.
The crowd is warmed up.
Buy it from a good jeweller. ‐ God gives his blessing at the right time.
All employees, pay attention, please. ‐ Hold for a minute.
There has been a bus accident at Connaught Place.
All the shops in the area are wrecked.
17 people are wounded and 7 people are dead.
Oh, God! Were there any kids in the bus?
No, Hrithik Roshan was there.
Oh, my God! Is he okay? ‐ No.
He can't dance anymore.
And nobody is getting a bonus also.
What does it have to do with our bonuses?
Nothing.
God, how many more tests are you going to put Duggu through?
And..
From today, the Faridabad branch is going to shut down.
What is going on?
So, we're losing our jobs too?
No. ‐ This is Kangana's black magic.
He should've sent that mail to me. I would've replied to him.
He should've dated me. ‐ Guys, relax! Okay?
All this was T. P.'s idea of a joke.
I‐I know.. They were all terrible and distasteful jokes.
Chaddha? ‐ Yes, Saleem ji.
Are we getting the bonus or not? ‐ Yeah.
Okay.
Okay, everyone. To the conference room. Right now.
Hello. ‐ Come on.
Meena?
C‐Cancel the bangles. I'll explain it to you at home.
Come on. ‐ Listen, Meena. Darling..
Okay.
As your boss, I want all of you
to speak in front of everyone confidently. Like I do.
So, today I'm going to
help you all get rid of your fear of public speaking.
Out. Each one of you will come here.
And talk about any topic for one minute.
You mean we can choose the topic?
You leave it be.
Anyway, you're going to quit this job after the wedding.
No, sir, I'm not going to.. ‐ Sir, may I come?
Amit, very good. Come on, my boy. One minute.
Guys, I'm planning a trip.
So, the destination has not been finalised.
So, any suggestions would be great.
Bangkok.
Deep tissue massage. ‐ Okay. ‐ Deep.
Okay, Kutty. Thanks. I don't wanna go that far.
Forget all that. I'll take you to Sarojini.
I'll get you a nice and authentic Tom Hardy T‐shirt..
You also come. I'll buy you those.
That's really nice, Kitty. But I don't want to go somewhere that close as well.
You go to Banaras.
In Banaras, there's a sage I know by the name of Baba Badbole.
He talks too much after smoking up.
But that stuff.
Oh, man..
Even solutions fail compared to that.
Come on, T. P. It's your turn.
Hey, come on, man.
Come on.
Greetings, my friends.
Today, I'm going to talk
about advantages of Indian products and..
And disadvantages of foreign products.. ‐ Not this, dude.
The things I taught you. Come on. ‐ Okay.
Hello.. Ladies and gentlemen!
I'm sorry.
Sir.
Sir, I'm not getting the feeling in front of them. ‐ Why?
They are all my subordinates, right?
Hello!
Nobody is your subordinate here.
You're forgetting that I'm the assistant branch manager.
I think you're forgetting that there's no such designation.
Sir, tell him. I'll just.. ‐ T. P., just leave it.
It isn't your cup of tea. Forget it. No point. Forget it.
That was my turn, right? ‐ Yes.
Rinchin. Rinchin, your turn.
Why can't women become salesmen?
T.P. ‐ Because they are women.
What is your favourite holiday destination?
At my respected mother's feet.
Apart from that?
At my respected father's feet.
Anyways, I was asking for your suggestions for a trip, but..
It's okay. ‐ Trip?
Yes, trip..
You
aren't going anywhere.
Trip.
T.P., do you know I was the head of the debating society in my college?
There's only one rule to get confidence.
Say whatever feels right to you.
No matter if you are for the motion or against it.
Is it? ‐ Yes.
I'm against so many things.
Then say it out loud. People will listen.
What's on your mind? ‐ I had
written an essay in the seventh grade on 'Cow Is Our Mother'.
Shall I talk about it? ‐ Absolutely.
Are you sure? ‐ This is what the world wants to listen.
Absolutely! ‐ Yes.
Good.
I've never participated in debates.
In fact, I've never been on stage.
I was more into sports.
Okay, listen. Don't say this to T. P.
I got it.
Today, the words of Triveni Prasad Mishra
will reach the world.
T.P., it's time. Let's go. ‐ Yes, sir. One minute.
Coming, sir.
Triveni ji. Hail Mother India!
Hail Mother India.
Aunt's cousins. Five people.
Aren't you throwing a cocktail party? ‐ No.
Last time, my uncle from Sector 4 created a mess.
Never mind, we'll drink in the parking lot. Car‐o‐bar.
God.
Actually, Sapan, strike his name off. ‐ Okay.
You are inviting Amit? ‐ Yes.
He's a good friend of mine.
Come, T. P.
This is the place. Every year after my speech
they used to take my autograph over here.
T.P. Mishra.
And sir's? He's Jagdeep..
T.P., everyone knows me here. Hello.
I'm world famous in this hall. ‐ Your name, sir?
Jagdeep Chaddha.
Are you new here?
Mic check.. Thank you.
Everyone, please have a seat. We'll start the ceremony.
This time there are many people here, dude.
Sir, I'm going out. I'm feeling dizzy. ‐ Why? T. P.!
What are you doing? Be a man.
You're the Salesman of the Year.
But it's quite crowded. ‐ Yes. That's good.
I'm getting a fever.
I should go home and get some rest.
Last month, you had swine flu.
You still came to office.
What happened today?
Your grandmother dies four times in a month.
Do I say anything?
And the Wilkins Chawla Salesman of the Year award goes to
from Faridabad branch, Triveni Prasad Mishra.
T.P., you're supposed to go on to the stage.
T.P. Mishra ji, please come on stage.
I feel weird, sir. ‐ Okay. Relax.
I'll handle this.
Excuse me.
Not everyone has a good boss like me.
And here is your award.
All yours.
Hello, ladies and gentlemen.
Triveni Prasad Mishra..
That's not me.
I'm his boss and mentor
Jagdeep Chaddha.
T.P. Mishra ji is scared to come on the stage.
He's a bit cowardly, but he's present here.
Until then, let's talk about sales.
And a few jokes.
So, tell me.
Why can't women do sales?
Parmeet hasn't done anything except fix the wedding date.
Well, Saps. When do you want to get married?
I mean, which month?
Never. ‐ What do you mean?
That I won't get married.
You don't want to get married? ‐ No.
Sapan, be a little sensitive towards her feelings.
You know that she likes you.. ‐ I know what I'm doing.
Who's the best friend of Santra?
Think.
Santra's best friend is Bantra.
I cracked Santa‐Banta jokes for them.
I did lizard and a chameleon impressions.
I did the dog and puppy routine.
But no reaction.
It was a cold crowd.
Tea..
Nuts.. Peanuts..
Tea.. Nuts.. Tea.. Nuts..
And ladies and gentlemen, T. P. Mishra.
Say thank you and come down. The crowd is cold.
Cow..
You need some water?
Okay.
Cow is our mother.
But now, there's no sign of that cow or it's milk.
Today.
The place of this mother
has been usurped by a stepmother.
I mean the foreign Jersey cow.
A cow's milk is effective only if
it has the affection of a mother.
But these foreign cows
are just milk‐producing factories.
We can't call them our mother.
And this is the question we are facing right now.
Paper industry is our own mother
while digital is that that foreign Jersey cow.
I think you have only three to four leaves remaining.
There must be some leaves remaining from last year also, right?
So, add those and tell me how many I have in total.
See everything is.. ‐ Are you really going?
Yeah.
Seriously?
Yeah.
Nice, man. Nice. Send me pictures.
I don't think, in the past five years, Amit has changed his job
his motorcycle or his hairstyle.
So, even if he takes a holiday, he won't go beyond Karnal.
People say that the future of the paper industry is in danger.
Digital is the future.
But how can we agree with that?
When Alauddin Khalji was told that he can't get Padmavati..
Did he agree to that? ‐ No!
Did he agree? ‐ No!
Even in that three‐hour long film, he didn't agree once.
Then, how can we agree that our future is in the dark?
If a few trees have to be cut, let them.
It's their duty to sacrifice for us.
If trees are not cut, how can we make books?
How will the children read?
And if our kids don't get educated
how will they become salesmen?
People say that the work of a salesman is cheap.
Those who can't do anything become salesman.
Salesmen have to beg people.
I say beg, but not in front of others.
Beg to yourself to demand your best version.
Friends, today
we pledge that from tomorrow
we'll not have laptops in our hands.
There'll be paper in our hands.
And then our future will not be in the dark.
It will be in our own hands.
Thank you.
Nepal? Wow!
I wanted to see Mount Everest for such a long time, and finally!
So exciting. ‐ Isn't it?
Ten days in Nepal with trekking group.
I was nervous at the beginning.
But now that I've paid, so I'm sure it's a done deal.
Don't worry. It'll be fun. When are you going?
June 7th.
So, you won't attend my wedding..
I'm so sorry. Pammi, actually..
I wanted to attend, but
the month of June is the best for trekking.
The snow melts, right? So..
It's okay. I understand.
Yeah? ‐ Yes. ‐ Great.
Then, I'll see you tomorrow. ‐ Yeah.
Congratulations, sir.
Thank you.
Chaddha sir?
Sir? ‐ T. P.?
Sir, I was looking for you outside. What're you doing here?
I got a phone call, so I came here.
How was your award ceremony?
Sir, amazing, unbelievable.
Had you been there, you would have been proud of your disciple.
Good..
But you won't believe what happened here.
What happened, sir? ‐ I was in this stall.
Okay. ‐ And someone came to the stall next to me.
Is it? ‐ Yeah. ‐ Then?
He left, and then someone else came.
And his shoes were the same as the previous guy's.
Really? ‐ Yes. I wondered how it is possible.
Either both of them were wearing the same shoes of the same size
or the same person used the toilet twice.
Twice in the toilet? ‐ Yes. ‐ What?
T.P. was wonderful today.
Everyone is talking about him.
But he is listening to me.
So, the one who everyone is crazy about
is crazy about me.
Which means everyone here is crazy about me.