Good morning. Wilkins Chawla. How may I help you?
Yes, one minute.
Hello, Amit here.
Hey!
How did you get this number?
Are you stalking me?
You fall for it every time.
Amit and Loveleen.
They got introduced at the office.
These days, they are hanging out together.
Who knows if she is his girlfriend or something else?
I don't know exactly
but, last week, Amit had lunch with her three times.
I mean, that's okay. How does it bother me?
Okay. After work.
Okay.
Bye. Bye.
Amit. ‐ Yes?
She calls you every day.
Ask her to call you on your cell phone.
Okay.
Come in.
Yes, Sapan. Come in. Come in.
T.P., close the door while leaving. Okay?
Sapan Gill.
Kiddo. Quite young.
I sent you a friend request yesterday.
Didn't you check? ‐ No, sir.
Accept it soon, buddy.
I'll send you so many jokes.. so many funny jokes
that you will go ROFL!
'Rofal'? R‐O‐F‐L.
Yeah, I get it.
It's been a few months for this guy in this office.
Now, he is here to ask if he has passed or failed.
Sir, I am not asking. Aunt was asking.
You mean Chawla aunty.
Yeah.
How is she? ‐ She is good.
Skills and efficiency, ten on ten.
Conduct in office.
Smiley face.
No, no. ROFL. No, LMFAO.
L‐M‐F‐A‐O.
Leave me fucking alone, okay?
Five years from now
where do you see yourself?
I could be running this place.
But I want to start my own business.
Your own business. ‐ Yeah.
Kid, it's not that easy.
First, it's important to learn the rules.
Sapan Gill is about to attend JLU.
Jagdeep Chaddha Life University.
Lesson number one.
Sir, I just remembered. I have some.. ‐ There are 10 rules of business
which you should remember at any cost.
The first rule.
Before you start running, you need to learn how to walk.
Or else? ‐ Or else?
You will fall on your face.
I mean, business is not like go‐karting
where you can bump into anything and crash.
First, find out where the brake and accelerator are.
I know where the brake and accelerator..
It was an example, buddy.
Well, the second rule.
Let's do one thing.
Let's discuss the rest of the rules over lunch.
You and me.
I know people like Sapan very well.
Nepotism's child.
If Chaddha sir is Batman, I am Robin.
If he is Cheech, I am Chong.
If he is Harry, I am Llyod.
You can ask anyone.
The name of the film was not Dumb, Dumber and the Dumbest.
Everybody, get up!
Get up!
Run!
This isn't a mock drill.
This place is on fire!
Everybody, run!
Come on! Now!
Everybody, listen!
Walk towards the exit keeping your hands next to your body.
Sarla ji, what are you doing? What are you doing?
Manage your scarf.
Or else you will turn into a ball of fire! Run, run!
What are you looking at? Come on, run!
Run, everybody! This way!
Hurry up. Hurry up.
Come on. Hurry up!
Hurry up. What are you doing?
Run, run.
Are you sure there is a fire?
What do you mean? Get out of here.
Come on, run!
This is a paper company.
It won't take time for it to go up in smoke!
Run, run! ‐ I am..
What are you doing? Leave this place. Hurry up.
Don't panic.
Everyone, calm down. Calm down.
What do you mean? Look, there is smoke.
What are you doing?
You can have many more coffees if you live.
Throw this and run!
Run! This place is on fire.
There is going to be an explosion. An explosion!
Run!
Yes. I was the first person to get out of the office.
I am aware that we should let the women and children go first.
But we don't employ children in this office. Thank God.
Secondly, men and women are equal for me.
When you say 'ladies first', it means you think that women are weak.
And Wilkins Chawla doesn't tolerate such sexist policy.
No.
Come on. Come on. Everybody, fall in line.
Form a single line.
Won't you stand in the line?
No, because I am the fire warden of this place.
Which means high‐office bearer.
We have to bear what?
'Office bearer'.
It means president.
I am the firefighter of this place.
Everybody, form a queue as per your respective department
and then arrange yourselves according to your age and height.
Come forward.
You are the shortest. Come forward.
T.P., one minute. ‐ Yes.
Amit is the tallest but also the youngest. ‐ Yes.
So, will he stand at the front or at the back?
That's a very good question.
Move, move, move.
Move aside.
Very good, very good.
You have come at the right time. Come on.
Move, move. Stop right here.
Over here. Yes.
Okay, stop, stop.
Stop.. Okay, you can go from the other side.
Good work. Good work. Very good.
At our shakha, we are taught to be ready to face any situation.
That's why I always keep these things with me.
Like this axe
a rope, pot
chyawanprash
myrobalan harad powder
and cow dung paste.
No. Maybe this is not needed.
You need to be fit in order to escape the fire.
That's why everyone will exercise.
Come on, start.
One, two, three, four.
Did you know that we can get trained for the army at Wilkins Chawla?
The major may hear you.
Hey! What are you both whispering about?
Do you find this boring?
Actually, we don't know because we aren't listening.
Do you think this a joke?
Frankly, yes.
I..
So, son, Jagdeep Chaddha Life University.
You won't find these business rules in any book.
I have made them, followed them
and look where I am today.
In the parking?
I am a branch manager today.
Right, sir. ‐ Rule number two.
Image is everything.
What is this? ‐ A car.
You only see a car.
But, for me, it's an investment.
It doesn't just take me from point A to point B
but it can also take my career to great heights.
Clients look at this and think
'Wow! A Civic. Impressive.'
'Chaddha is very rich.'
Got it? ‐ Absolutely, sir.
So, write it down.
One doesn't repeat such valuable advice.
Yeah.
Image is everything.
Give me a minute. I'll get a pen from the car.
This is not working.
This.. ‐ It's my car.
One, two, three, four. Come on.
Poverty couldn't kill me
but this jerk definitely will.
Come on, everyone. Do it.
This is stupid. I won't do it.
You will have to.
T.P., you can't force us.
Look at Kutty and Sarla ji.
It's not my fault they are weak.
Look, you can continue doing this if you want to.
But we are going to play a singing game.
So, whoever wants to play can come.
I want to play.
No one will go!
People are fighting fire, and you want to play a singing game.
I am telling you that the one who leaves will suffer.
As if we aren't suffering here.
Stop, stop. This isn't right.
Look, this behaviour is not right. Stop.
You read quite thick books.
'Art of Client Servicing'.
Did you buy it from a brothel?
'Business Skills'.
I am gifted with these.
'New Rules of Marketing and Public Relations'.
Why are you reading all this, Sapan?
I don't know, sir. My dad said I have to do an MBA, so..
MBA?
Master of Business Administration. ‐ Yes, I know.
I know everything.
Do you think
you can learn business from a business school and not me?
Yes, sir.
I mean no, sir. Of course not.
Quiz me.
Sir. ‐ No, come on.
Ask me anything. Test my knowledge.
Okay, fine.
In India, to create a wider customer base
how did the mobile companies form a correct combination
of on‐demand model and subscription model?
Repeat the question.
In India, to create a wider customer base
how did the mobile companies form a correct combination
of on‐demand model and subscription model?
It's a very basic question, sir.
Rule number two, Sapan.
Always think before answering.
Sir, you already told me rule number two.
We are on.. Rule number three is the next one.
'Always think'?
When I was Sapan's age
I was a salesman in a blouse and petticoat shop.
I progressed from there and earned a lot.
Then I invested in a Ponzi scheme and lost a lot of money.
But the point is
all that I learned about business in my life
cannot be found in the business books that Sapan has.
One more.
Is it cheaper to sign on a new customer
or retain the existing one?
Sir, sir.
Sir, those lazy staff members are not listening to me.
Shut up.
I am asking him a few business‐related questions.
You lowly person!
How dare you ask him a question?
T.P. sir, not me, but he.. ‐ Quiet! Be quiet!
Equal. Both are equal.
No, sir.
To sign on a new customer will be ten times more expensive, right?
It was a trick question. ‐ 'Trick'?
That means treachery.
You do treachery with your boss?
Is this what you have learnt in your posh neighbour?
T.P., please.
Sir, he doesn't know that you are the principal of JLU.. ‐ Yes.
...and I am the assistant principal.
Assistant to the principal.
Did you hear that? Did you hear?
You listen to me! You listen! ‐ What are you doing?
T.P., leave him.
Sir, he doesn't understand.
You are trying to be an expert.
What do you know about business?
Sir! ‐ Moron.
There are many famous people who haven't been to business schools.
Sachin Tendulkar.
Mika paji.
Ajay Devgn.
Today, they own huge mansions.
And I have an EMI for 30 years.
But I do own a house.
And a Civic. EMI fully paid.
T.P., is everything all right?
Nothing is all right.
What do you mean?
Why didn't I ever think of going to a business school?
Business school? ‐ Yes.
That sycophant Sapan wants to go.
He keeps discussing those things with the boss.
T.P., you are already smart.
Why do you have to go to a business school?
Come on. Come over there.
What is there? ‐ Way to pass time.
Come on, leave this. Come.
Come!
'Law of diminishing marginal utility'.
Explain this to me.
Sir, even I don't know.
Sir, shall we get down and talk?
It's getting really stuffy in here, right?
Do you know why I became a salesman?
Because I like making new friends.
But then I got promoted and became the boss.
It is a different and difficult job to be a boss.
I mean you are a parent to your employees
and their good‐looking elder brother too.
You know what I am saying, right?
Why won't the door open?
Say something. Only I have been talking.
I feel nauseous.
Which game are we playing?
What are we doing?
This is a new game.
Everyone is naming their favourite movies.
Shall I start?
'DDLJ', 'Kuch Kuch Hota Hai', 'Dil To Pagal Hai' and 'Kal Ho Naa Ho'.
Any movie of Shah Rukh Khan's.
So, basically, you have watched all his movies.
All the movies. First day, first show.
Do you know even today I feel something in me
when Shah Rukh stammers?
Wow.
'First day, first show.'
Actually, it's a sweet thing.
Sarla ji is still so romantic.
Oh, please. Why do all the girls go mad over Shah Rukh?
Not me. ‐ Thank God.
Girls usually go
'Oh, my God! Shah Rukh!'
After hearing that, I feel like killing myself.
I like 'Kapoor and Sons'.
Okay. Any other movie?
That's all.
Anjali, what kind of movies do you like?
I don't watch movies.
Why?
Because cinema is eroding our culture
which, in turn, is harming our moral fabric.
Wow.
Moral fabric? ‐ Which fabric is that?
'Ragini MMS', 'One Night Stand', 'Jism 2'
'Beiimaan Love', 'Kuch Kuch Locha Hai'.
Sunny Leone is my favourite.
I have watched all her movies. All her movies.
Actually, I want to produce my own movie.
If you want, I can cast you people in it.
Lots of exposure.
Who are you going to cast in your movie?
Pammi!
It's my movie.
Hey, kids! What is going on?
Disgraceful chatter.
'Who will you cast in your movie?'
Like we don't have anything better to do, right?
Amit. ‐ Yes.
Who will you cast in your movie?
In my movie?
Kutty.
Because he is the cutest of us all.
In my movie, I will cast Sapan Gill
with looks that kill. Naturally.
I have a scene in my mind.
Sapan is coming out of the ocean.
Looking like a combination of Shilpa Shetty and Daniel Craig.
He is.. ‐ I am getting a call.
I am getting a call. Hello.
Even I need to check my messages.
Which is your favourite movie?
My..
I left my phone inside. Shit!
Will you be happy if you get your phone?
What?
Will getting your phone back make you happy?
Yes. ‐ Wait, I will get it back.
Hey, hey! T. P.!
T.P., stop!
The place is on fire! ‐ T. P.!
He is such an idiot! This man is an idiot!
Go, go. Save him. ‐ T. P.!
I am never going to understand these guys.
Who are they?
Kutty.
He watches Mallu porn 24/7.
Sarla ji knitting 365/12.
That shakha dude drinking asafoetida cola
killing himself over a phone.
I don't belong here.
Somebody get me back to Defence Colony.
It doesn't take so long to search for a phone.
Hello. Where have you reached?
Oh, good. We are standing outside. Come.
Come. ‐ Sapan, call my number.
I don't have your number, sir.
I gave it to you while in the car.
T.P. ‐ You had saved it too.
Actually, there is a problem with my phone.
Oh!
I got it.
T.P.!
T.P., thankfully, you are fine.
Who runs into fire?
Sorry, sir. Sorry.
I didn't find your phone.
Don't worry. It's okay.
But I found an important thing.
A clue.
This electric kettle.
Fire broke out in the office
because of a short circuit in this kettle.
And the last dumb employee to use this was
Sapan.
Look at him. He is preparing for an MBA.
He can't even handle an electric kettle.
Sapan!
What were you thinking?
'How will I do it as there are no servants in the office?'
One little wire, two little wires.
Set the office on fire.
One little wire.
Yes.
"One little wire. Two little wires."
"Set the office on fire."
"One little wire."
"Such was the fire"
"That his grandpa ended up"
"On a pyre. One little wire.."
"One little wire. Two little wires.."
MBA stands for 'money, bragging and arrogance'. Nonsense!
Even after being so educated, if you can't prepare a cup of tea
of what use is your MBA?
Making tea is an art.
The country is running on it.
And I run the office here.
"One little wire."
Hi. ‐ Hello.
How are you? ‐ Good. How are you?
Good.
Hi. ‐ Hello.
Loveleen. ‐ Hi.
Hello, Ms. Loveleen.
You look lovely as usual.
Really? Thank you so much.
Actually, I didn't get time to put on my make‐up.
So, we were actually playing a game.
We were talking about our favourite movies, so..
Simple. Any movie of Shah Rukh's.
I watch all his movies. First day, first show.
Is it? Why?
Because he is so romantic.
I see him and I go
'Oh! Shah Rukh!'
I am very happy for Amit.
After all, he is my friend
and it's okay if he likes artificial beauty.
No, no. The girl is very sweet.
But I have seen her status updates.
I think she should get a dictionary on Diwali.
Let's go. It's safe to go inside. Come.
Come on. Come on. Let's go.
Henceforth you will be called fire boy.
No, son of fire.
"One little wire. Two little wires."
"Set the office on fire."
The most important rule.
Don't burn the building.
Nothing is more important than safety.
Remember, protection is better than cure.
So, repeat after me.
I will always use protection first.
Okay?
I will always use protection.
Sapan is a bookworm.
But I am a worm of the streets.
And a street worm can defeat a bookworm any day,
because you get real experience on the streets.
Rule number four from JLU.
Jagdeep Chaddha Life University.
Admissions open. Apply quickly.