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Tonight is the Wilkins Chawla
Annual Staff Awards night.
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AKA, Wilkfare Awards.
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These awards are everyone's favourite,
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because these poor people
haven't received anything
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apart from this.
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I mean, why would anyone
award Kutty anything?
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For breathing
with his mouth open?
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The one who wins this award
feels proud.
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After going home,
he tells his mother
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'Mom, you always loved my brother.'
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'Look at this. My award.'
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Cut to the brother's corpse hanging
from the ceiling fan.
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And a suicide note which reads,
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'You won, little brother.'
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'Today, you won.'
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So, are you ready
for the Chaddies?
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You know, when you visit someone
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and their mischievous kid
scrapes the glass with a nail
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in order to irritate you..
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Chaddha sir is that mischievous kid
of this award night.
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The nail is that trophy.
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And the mirror represents
the remains of my dreams.
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Milky‐white Pammi
and chocolate boy Amit.
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Yes, sir. ‐ These youngsters have
won the award in the past as well.
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Amit, this award is special.
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Show your trophy to the camera.
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Sir, I hide my trophies
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so that I don't grow overconfident
by looking at them.
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Sir.
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Sir, I have built a special
showcase to display my awards.
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Wow! Wonderful.
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Come, let's meet Saleem sa'ab.
Come on.
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Saleem!
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Show your award to the camera,
Saleem.
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I sold it to a scrap merchant.
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What? You sold the award?
‐ Tell me.
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Is your mother going to prepare
the sweets this time also?
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No. Sadly
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she won't be able to prepare
her world‐famous eggplant sweetmeats.
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She is not keeping well.
‐ Oh.
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Sorry.
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'A round of applause!'
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'Forgive me, Baahubali!'
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'You bastard, Kattappa!'
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'I want the award..'
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Jagdeep sir records his anchoring
on the awards night every year
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and sends it to all
the TV channels in Mumbai.
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He has asked me to select
all the best moments.
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'Hail Mahishmati!
Hail Wilkins Chawla!'
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Kutty sir was sitting
in front of the camera
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from this point till the end.
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This is the best moment till now.
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'A round of applause for Rinchin!'
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'Hail Wilkins Chawla!'
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Tell me the truth.
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You wrote it, right?
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Sarla ji, how can I write it?
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Before laughing at others,
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you should look at yourself.
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We are not laughing at you, T. P.
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Someone has written something
on the wall in the ladies' room.
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What?
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Was my number written
under 'massage parlour'?
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Amit! You rascal.
‐ No!
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It's about Chaddha sir.
‐ What?
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How can we tell you that?
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Private matters of Chaddha sir
on the walls of a washroom.
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That person should be ashamed.
Disgusting.
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Tell me the truth.
Who wrote it?
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Or else..
‐ What will you do?
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Will you call our parents?
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Queen Riya Pahwa.
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Visit our palace today
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and present the trophies
with your soft hands.
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'Chaddha, seriously.'
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'I can't come.'
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The head office is footing
the liquor bill.
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So, let's have a few drinks
together.
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'Head office is not paying for this,
Chaddha.'
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'The budget is only
for one party in a year'
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'which you have already spent.'
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Riya..
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Don't do this, Riya.
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If you want,
we can give an award to you as well.
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Lifetime achievement.
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'Chaddha, there is a limit
to throwing parties.'
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Yes, but this award night
happens every year, right?
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'Really?'
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'What about the party which you
threw in February for no reason?'
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What do you mean
'for no reason'?
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Riya, 18 February 2018.
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It was 18‐02‐2018.
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Such a day comes once
in a million years.
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'Whatever. There is no budget now.'
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I am in trouble.
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How will people enjoy my comedy
without getting drunk?
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I have full faith in my comedy.
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But it becomes easy
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after the audience
downs a few pegs.
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Better.
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T.P.! What were you doing inside?
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I can ask you the same question.
What were you doing inside?
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I will file a police complaint
against you.
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Even I'll file a complaint
on behalf of Chaddha sir.
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Is it?
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Leave, or do you want me to scream?
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Get lost!
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'The next award is
Endless Engagement.'
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'It goes to Pammi and Parmeet.'
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'A round of applause for them.'
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'They have been engaged
for three years now.'
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'Perhaps Parmeet doesn't
want to marry Pammi.'
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'A few words.
‐ Sure.'
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'We will win this award
next year too.'
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'What say, Pammi?'
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'A round of applause for us.'
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'Pammi, why is he not marrying you?'
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'Okay. The next award
is Run Run. This goes to..'
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Endless Engagement.
That's my best joke.
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How can I remove it?
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But there is no element
of surprise in it, sir.
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You won't understand.
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This is called 'oldie but goldie'.
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It becomes funnier every year
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because they are still not married.
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Yes, sir. But people are saying
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'Chaddha's jokes have gone stale.'
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'They stink'
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'just like his mother's cooking.'
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How dare they.
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My comedy stinks?
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Employees, pay attention.
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It is sad that our boss
who is like a god to us
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is being made fun of.
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So, as a punishment
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the ladies' room is going
to be locked from today.
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What? Where will we go, T. P.?
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Whatever you want to do,
do it at home.
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Drink less water in the office.
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T.P., you can't do this.
‐ There is no such rule.
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You can't do this.
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No, I don't want to
listen to anything.
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‐ This..
‐ Okay. Everybody, pay attention.
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Sir, T. P. is getting
the ladies' room locked.
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What?
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Don't take him seriously.
He doesn't have any power.
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Sir, what they wrote inside..
‐ T. P., shut up.
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Sir, listen to me.
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Sir..
‐ T. P., quiet!
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Okay. Now, my announcement.
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I know people are questioning
my comedy.
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But today..
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today, I will prove that
the number one entertainer
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in this city is Jagdeep Chaddha.
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One more news.
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For the first time
in the history of the awards
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you can get your wife, kids
and friends.
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Okay?
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Okay!
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Listen to the rules carefully.
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Everyone has to laugh
at Mr. Chaddha's performance.
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But you can't laugh at Mr. Chaddha.
Okay?
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Bhadoria, go ahead.
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Good evening, friends.
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I'm your host and friend,
Jagdeep Chaddha.
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Where is this sound coming from?
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Is it coming from this box?
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Yes. The head office has
shut me inside this box
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along with our happiness
and smiles.
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But if all of you together say
'open sesame',
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this box will open.
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Did you people hear what he said?
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Everyone has to say
'open sesame' together.
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Come on.
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Open sesame. ‐ One minute.
Excuse me. Lights off.
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Sorry, sir.
We can't switch off the lights.
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Just for two minutes.
‐ Sorry, sir. No.
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Just the lights here.
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We can switch off these lamps
if you want. ‐ Yes, hurry up.
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Sir, what are you doing?
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Switch on the lights.
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Ta‐da!
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Everyone cracked up, right?
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This box is still shut!
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Hello and welcome
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to the awards night.
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First of all, let me tell you
something funny.
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Once my secretary came
into my cabin
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and asked me to sign
a few papers.
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I signed them without reading it.
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Then the secretary said,
'Please at least take a look.'
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So, I looked at her.
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I looked at her.
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I looked at her and said
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'You are looking good.'
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Which means he looked
at the secretary, not the papers.
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Got it?
‐ They got it, T. P.
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Don't spoon‐feed the audience.
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Thank you.
‐ Another interesting thing.
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Add this to the company's bill,
please.
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Company is not paying
the bills this time.
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We will contribute.
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Chaddha, then why did you ask us
to bring our families?
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I asked you to bring just one wife,
Saleem sa'ab.
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But you got the entire harem.
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She is my wife,
and they are my sisters.
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Okay. Hello, ma'am.
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You don't wear a burqa?
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That's quite modern.
‐ She is a Hindu.
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00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:49,160
What are you doing, T. P.?
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Yes. I remember a joke.
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Once upon a time..
‐ What nonsense is this?
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00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:56,240
...Ram said to Shyam..
‐ We should've gone to a bar instead.
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Ram said hello.
‐ Let's go.
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00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:03,040
Shyam also said hello.
‐ Let's go. ‐ And then Ram said..
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00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:06,200
Pammi, the show is still on.
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Sorry. Sorry, sir.
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Yes. And now, the first award.
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For giving us a mother's love
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the senior‐most person
in the office.
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Sarla ji gets
the Big Mommy award.
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Thank you. Thank you.
223
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Thank you, sir.
‐ Say a few words.
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Sir, it says
'Big Mammary' here.
225
00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:35,920
This is a spelling error.
226
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:37,840
It must be a typo.
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00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:41,320
Sarla ji, don't worry.
I'll get it fixed.
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00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,560
No problem, sir. It's okay.
229
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Pammi, come on.
Don't irritate me.
230
00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:50,520
Parmeet, I don't want to go!
231
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You should have
asked me what I wanted.
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00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:58,520
Pammi!
‐ Let her go, man.
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Let's go.
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00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,480
Hey, beautiful. Who are you?
235
00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:05,520
Where is Chaddha sir?
236
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,320
I am Jagdeep's sister, Jagdeepa.
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Oh.
‐ I sell juice.
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00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:14,120
Beautiful lady,
get watermelon juice for me.
239
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:18,560
I don't have watermelons.
I have only oranges.
240
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I don't like oranges.
‐ Oh, no!
241
00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:25,240
Do you have gooseberries?
‐ Hi.
242
00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:27,280
Hey, didn't you leave?
243
00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:29,840
Yes, I was just..
‐ No, I don't.
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00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:31,640
...missing Jagdeepa.
245
00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:34,480
Didn't I tell you
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that I only have oranges?
247
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Grapes.
‐ Waiter.
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A beer for him.
249
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:42,960
Didn't you get it?
250
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:46,200
You said that you sell juice.
‐ Yes.
251
00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:49,600
Play some sexy music for this.
252
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:54,360
So, the next award goes to
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00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:57,360
the hottest employee
of Wilkins Chawla.
254
00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:58,560
Sapan Gill.
255
00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:00,400
Come on, dear.
256
00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:02,240
A huge round of applause.
257
00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:04,520
So hot, right?
258
00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:07,920
First, give a kiss to Jagdeepa.
259
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:08,840
No, sorry.
260
00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:10,280
I am a woman. It is okay.
261
00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:11,680
No. No, sir.
262
00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:16,960
Something like this happens
almost every day.
263
00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:20,560
The next award is Hawkeye..
264
00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:22,200
Are you done?
‐ ...which goes to
265
00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:23,680
Anjali.
266
00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:26,360
Come on, Anjali.
267
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:33,760
Shall I go bottoms up?
‐ Aren't you overdoing it a little bit?
268
00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:36,200
Count to ten.
‐ What?
269
00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:37,160
Come on.
270
00:13:37,560 --> 00:13:41,120
One, two, three,
271
00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:42,960
four..
272
00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:50,200
You are a different person
outside the office.
273
00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:55,560
Hey! Be careful.
274
00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:59,320
I don't have any problem
wearing women's clothes.
275
00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:02,200
But this act doesn't
work everywhere.
276
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:04,720
Like in the annual board presentation.
277
00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:06,360
People didn't find this funny there.
278
00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:07,640
T.P.!
279
00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:10,400
Be careful. ‐ Sorry, sir.
280
00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:12,120
You can't do one task properly.
281
00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:12,880
Sorry.
282
00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:17,840
You've been messing up
this entire evening.
283
00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:21,320
So, if you could lend me your ear..
284
00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:24,600
Don't build a friendship
if it is bad.
285
00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:29,640
Don't build a friendship
if it is bad.
286
00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:33,360
If it is already built,
don't let it go bad.
287
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:38,240
Wow, Mirza Ghalib.
Wonderful.
288
00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:39,560
Thanks, buddy.
289
00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:42,840
And yes.. ‐ You have been
irritating us for a long time.
290
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:46,200
Why don't you go sit down?
‐ Listen, this is a private party.
291
00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:48,520
Waiter, give them a beer.
It's on me.
292
00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:52,720
And if you lose the friend..
‐ Here is what you can do.
293
00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:55,280
Have a beer. This bill is on me.
294
00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:56,880
This is a private party. You..
295
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:21,560
So, the last award..
296
00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:23,640
The Puke Duke award goes to Rinchin
297
00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:27,480
because he puked
at the sight of a dead mouse.
298
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:29,600
So, Puke Duke.
299
00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:43,520
Hey! Rinchin, my hero!
300
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:47,800
Thank you, friends.
301
00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:53,000
You were right, Amit.
302
00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:55,080
My comedy stinks.
303
00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:01,280
Sir, I didn't get any award.
304
00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:04,280
Sir, even I didn't get one.
305
00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:07,400
The show must go on, sir.
306
00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:11,160
Chaddies! Chaddies! Chaddies!
307
00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:13,920
Chaddies! Chaddies! Chaddies!
308
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:16,800
Chaddies! Chaddies! Chaddies!
309
00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:20,320
Chaddies! Chaddies! Chaddies!
310
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,680
Chaddies! Chaddies! Chaddies!
311
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:25,120
Okay. Okay.
312
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:31,360
Since everyone is insisting,
the show must go on.
313
00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:33,640
It's just beer.
314
00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:37,280
So, the next award
is the Good Job award,
315
00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:38,640
which goes to Saleem sa'ab.
316
00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:43,640
A few words, sir, please.
317
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:49,640
Last year, I got the same award.
No problem.
318
00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:53,240
At least, it is not an award
for puking.
319
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:04,720
And the next award goes to Pammi.
320
00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:08,760
I think we know
why she is getting this award.
321
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:12,000
So, this is for the best smile.
322
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:13,720
A round of applause for her.
323
00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:17,480
Come, Pammi.
324
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:28,920
I would like to thank my parents
325
00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:33,440
my dentist who keeps
my teeth strong
326
00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:37,720
and, most of all,
the salt in my toothpaste.
327
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:40,600
A huge round of applause
for Chaddha sir
328
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:44,720
for his hard work.
He entertained us all.
329
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:50,080
And finally,
I would like to thank God
330
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:53,480
because he created us.
331
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:55,600
He resides in us.
332
00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:57,840
And this universe
is under his control.
333
00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:04,560
I love you all.
334
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:07,160
See..
335
00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:15,520
And the next award,
the Run Run award.
336
00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:17,640
This goes to Bhandari.
337
00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:28,840
Chaddies were better than the Oscars
this time.
338
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:31,520
Highlights: Saleem sir's harem
339
00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:34,360
Chaddha sir and Sapan's
romantic track
340
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:35,760
and Pammi..
‐ That guy..
341
00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:39,440
That guy poured beer on Chaddha sir, right?
‐ Yes.
342
00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:42,720
You mother..
‐ No, no, no.
343
00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:45,160
How dare you!
‐ Leave.
344
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:46,640
Hey, leave her.
345
00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:48,840
This was the best awards
night so far.
346
00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:51,200
My jokes have caused a riot.
347
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:54,240
Literally. I mean..
348
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:56,680
there is something
special about me.
349
00:18:58,000 --> 00:18:59,280
Are you sure that you are fine?
350
00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:04,040
The Chaddies!
The Chaddies rock!
351
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:07,040
Okay. Pammi, let's go.
352
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,280
We have a strict policy
against violence.
353
00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:12,440
We are banning Ms. Goel
from all our branches.
354
00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:14,440
I love you, Sarla ji.
355
00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:21,800
By the way,
you DJ‐ed pretty well tonight.
356
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:24,800
What, sir?
‐ Good job, T. P.
357
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:26,400
Well done.
358
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:30,280
Okay, listen. I've spoken to Anjali.
359
00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:32,360
She will drop you home first,
and then she will go home.
360
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:36,360
Amit, listen.
I want to tell you something.
361
00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:37,720
Tell me.
362
00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:42,680
That thing about Chaddha sir
on the ladies' room wall..
363
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:43,920
Yes?
364
00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:48,560
I wrote it.
‐ What? Really?
365
00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:51,320
Well, that was actually a good one.
366
00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:52,760
Here is the car.
367
00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:56,280
Amit.
368
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:01,640
I want to say one more thing.
‐ Tell me.
369
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:09,440
That..
370
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,560
Just thanks.
371
00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:17,920
You are welcome.