Tonight is the Wilkins Chawla Annual Staff Awards night.
AKA, Wilkfare Awards.
These awards are everyone's favourite,
because these poor people haven't received anything
apart from this.
I mean, why would anyone award Kutty anything?
For breathing with his mouth open?
The one who wins this award feels proud.
After going home, he tells his mother
'Mom, you always loved my brother.'
'Look at this. My award.'
Cut to the brother's corpse hanging from the ceiling fan.
And a suicide note which reads,
'You won, little brother.'
'Today, you won.'
So, are you ready for the Chaddies?
You know, when you visit someone
and their mischievous kid scrapes the glass with a nail
in order to irritate you..
Chaddha sir is that mischievous kid of this award night.
The nail is that trophy.
And the mirror represents the remains of my dreams.
Milky‐white Pammi and chocolate boy Amit.
Yes, sir. ‐ These youngsters have won the award in the past as well.
Amit, this award is special.
Show your trophy to the camera.
Sir, I hide my trophies
so that I don't grow overconfident by looking at them.
Sir.
Sir, I have built a special showcase to display my awards.
Wow! Wonderful.
Come, let's meet Saleem sa'ab. Come on.
Saleem!
Show your award to the camera, Saleem.
I sold it to a scrap merchant.
What? You sold the award? ‐ Tell me.
Is your mother going to prepare the sweets this time also?
No. Sadly
she won't be able to prepare her world‐famous eggplant sweetmeats.
She is not keeping well. ‐ Oh.
Sorry.
'A round of applause!'
'Forgive me, Baahubali!'
'You bastard, Kattappa!'
'I want the award..'
Jagdeep sir records his anchoring on the awards night every year
and sends it to all the TV channels in Mumbai.
He has asked me to select all the best moments.
'Hail Mahishmati! Hail Wilkins Chawla!'
Kutty sir was sitting in front of the camera
from this point till the end.
This is the best moment till now.
'A round of applause for Rinchin!'
'Hail Wilkins Chawla!'
Tell me the truth.
You wrote it, right?
Sarla ji, how can I write it?
Before laughing at others,
you should look at yourself.
We are not laughing at you, T. P.
Someone has written something on the wall in the ladies' room.
What?
Was my number written under 'massage parlour'?
Amit! You rascal. ‐ No!
It's about Chaddha sir. ‐ What?
How can we tell you that?
Private matters of Chaddha sir on the walls of a washroom.
That person should be ashamed. Disgusting.
Tell me the truth. Who wrote it?
Or else.. ‐ What will you do?
Will you call our parents?
Queen Riya Pahwa.
Visit our palace today
and present the trophies with your soft hands.
'Chaddha, seriously.'
'I can't come.'
The head office is footing the liquor bill.
So, let's have a few drinks together.
'Head office is not paying for this, Chaddha.'
'The budget is only for one party in a year'
'which you have already spent.'
Riya..
Don't do this, Riya.
If you want, we can give an award to you as well.
Lifetime achievement.
'Chaddha, there is a limit to throwing parties.'
Yes, but this award night happens every year, right?
'Really?'
'What about the party which you threw in February for no reason?'
What do you mean 'for no reason'?
Riya, 18 February 2018.
It was 18‐02‐2018.
Such a day comes once in a million years.
'Whatever. There is no budget now.'
I am in trouble.
How will people enjoy my comedy without getting drunk?
I have full faith in my comedy.
But it becomes easy
after the audience downs a few pegs.
Better.
T.P.! What were you doing inside?
I can ask you the same question. What were you doing inside?
I will file a police complaint against you.
Even I'll file a complaint on behalf of Chaddha sir.
Is it?
Leave, or do you want me to scream?
Get lost!
'The next award is Endless Engagement.'
'It goes to Pammi and Parmeet.'
'A round of applause for them.'
'They have been engaged for three years now.'
'Perhaps Parmeet doesn't want to marry Pammi.'
'A few words. ‐ Sure.'
'We will win this award next year too.'
'What say, Pammi?'
'A round of applause for us.'
'Pammi, why is he not marrying you?'
'Okay. The next award is Run Run. This goes to..'
Endless Engagement. That's my best joke.
How can I remove it?
But there is no element of surprise in it, sir.
You won't understand.
This is called 'oldie but goldie'.
It becomes funnier every year
because they are still not married.
Yes, sir. But people are saying
'Chaddha's jokes have gone stale.'
'They stink'
'just like his mother's cooking.'
How dare they.
My comedy stinks?
Employees, pay attention.
It is sad that our boss who is like a god to us
is being made fun of.
So, as a punishment
the ladies' room is going to be locked from today.
What? Where will we go, T. P.?
Whatever you want to do, do it at home.
Drink less water in the office.
T.P., you can't do this. ‐ There is no such rule.
You can't do this.
No, I don't want to listen to anything.
‐ This.. ‐ Okay. Everybody, pay attention.
Sir, T. P. is getting the ladies' room locked.
What?
Don't take him seriously. He doesn't have any power.
Sir, what they wrote inside.. ‐ T. P., shut up.
Sir, listen to me.
Sir.. ‐ T. P., quiet!
Okay. Now, my announcement.
I know people are questioning my comedy.
But today..
today, I will prove that the number one entertainer
in this city is Jagdeep Chaddha.
One more news.
For the first time in the history of the awards
you can get your wife, kids and friends.
Okay?
Okay!
Listen to the rules carefully.
Everyone has to laugh at Mr. Chaddha's performance.
But you can't laugh at Mr. Chaddha. Okay?
Bhadoria, go ahead.
Good evening, friends.
I'm your host and friend, Jagdeep Chaddha.
Where is this sound coming from?
Is it coming from this box?
Yes. The head office has shut me inside this box
along with our happiness and smiles.
But if all of you together say 'open sesame',
this box will open.
Did you people hear what he said?
Everyone has to say 'open sesame' together.
Come on.
Open sesame. ‐ One minute. Excuse me. Lights off.
Sorry, sir. We can't switch off the lights.
Just for two minutes. ‐ Sorry, sir. No.
Just the lights here.
We can switch off these lamps if you want. ‐ Yes, hurry up.
Sir, what are you doing?
Switch on the lights.
Ta‐da!
Everyone cracked up, right?
This box is still shut!
Hello and welcome
to the awards night.
First of all, let me tell you something funny.
Once my secretary came into my cabin
and asked me to sign a few papers.
I signed them without reading it.
Then the secretary said, 'Please at least take a look.'
So, I looked at her.
I looked at her.
I looked at her and said
'You are looking good.'
Which means he looked at the secretary, not the papers.
Got it? ‐ They got it, T. P.
Don't spoon‐feed the audience.
Thank you. ‐ Another interesting thing.
Add this to the company's bill, please.
Company is not paying the bills this time.
We will contribute.
Chaddha, then why did you ask us to bring our families?
I asked you to bring just one wife, Saleem sa'ab.
But you got the entire harem.
She is my wife, and they are my sisters.
Okay. Hello, ma'am.
You don't wear a burqa?
That's quite modern. ‐ She is a Hindu.
What are you doing, T. P.?
Yes. I remember a joke.
Once upon a time.. ‐ What nonsense is this?
...Ram said to Shyam.. ‐ We should've gone to a bar instead.
Ram said hello. ‐ Let's go.
Shyam also said hello. ‐ Let's go. ‐ And then Ram said..
Pammi, the show is still on.
Sorry. Sorry, sir.
Yes. And now, the first award.
For giving us a mother's love
the senior‐most person in the office.
Sarla ji gets the Big Mommy award.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you, sir. ‐ Say a few words.
Sir, it says 'Big Mammary' here.
This is a spelling error.
It must be a typo.
Sarla ji, don't worry. I'll get it fixed.
No problem, sir. It's okay.
Pammi, come on. Don't irritate me.
Parmeet, I don't want to go!
You should have asked me what I wanted.
Pammi! ‐ Let her go, man.
Let's go.
Hey, beautiful. Who are you?
Where is Chaddha sir?
I am Jagdeep's sister, Jagdeepa.
Oh. ‐ I sell juice.
Beautiful lady, get watermelon juice for me.
I don't have watermelons. I have only oranges.
I don't like oranges. ‐ Oh, no!
Do you have gooseberries? ‐ Hi.
Hey, didn't you leave?
Yes, I was just.. ‐ No, I don't.
...missing Jagdeepa.
Didn't I tell you
that I only have oranges?
Grapes. ‐ Waiter.
A beer for him.
Didn't you get it?
You said that you sell juice. ‐ Yes.
Play some sexy music for this.
So, the next award goes to
the hottest employee of Wilkins Chawla.
Sapan Gill.
Come on, dear.
A huge round of applause.
So hot, right?
First, give a kiss to Jagdeepa.
No, sorry.
I am a woman. It is okay.
No. No, sir.
Something like this happens almost every day.
The next award is Hawkeye..
Are you done? ‐ ...which goes to
Anjali.
Come on, Anjali.
Shall I go bottoms up? ‐ Aren't you overdoing it a little bit?
Count to ten. ‐ What?
Come on.
One, two, three,
four..
You are a different person outside the office.
Hey! Be careful.
I don't have any problem wearing women's clothes.
But this act doesn't work everywhere.
Like in the annual board presentation.
People didn't find this funny there.
T.P.!
Be careful. ‐ Sorry, sir.
You can't do one task properly.
Sorry.
You've been messing up this entire evening.
So, if you could lend me your ear..
Don't build a friendship if it is bad.
If it is already built, don't let it go bad.
Wow, Mirza Ghalib. Wonderful.
Thanks, buddy.
And yes.. ‐ You have been irritating us for a long time.
Why don't you go sit down? ‐ Listen, this is a private party.
Waiter, give them a beer. It's on me.
And if you lose the friend.. ‐ Here is what you can do.
Have a beer. This bill is on me.
This is a private party. You..
So, the last award..
The Puke Duke award goes to Rinchin
because he puked at the sight of a dead mouse.
So, Puke Duke.
Hey! Rinchin, my hero!
Thank you, friends.
You were right, Amit.
My comedy stinks.
Sir, I didn't get any award.
Sir, even I didn't get one.
The show must go on, sir.
Chaddies! Chaddies! Chaddies!
Okay. Okay.
Since everyone is insisting, the show must go on.
It's just beer.
So, the next award is the Good Job award,
which goes to Saleem sa'ab.
A few words, sir, please.
Last year, I got the same award. No problem.
At least, it is not an award for puking.
And the next award goes to Pammi.
I think we know why she is getting this award.
So, this is for the best smile.
A round of applause for her.
Come, Pammi.
I would like to thank my parents
my dentist who keeps my teeth strong
and, most of all, the salt in my toothpaste.
A huge round of applause for Chaddha sir
for his hard work. He entertained us all.
And finally, I would like to thank God
because he created us.
He resides in us.
And this universe is under his control.
I love you all.
See..
And the next award, the Run Run award.
This goes to Bhandari.
Chaddies were better than the Oscars this time.
Highlights: Saleem sir's harem
Chaddha sir and Sapan's romantic track
and Pammi.. ‐ That guy..
That guy poured beer on Chaddha sir, right? ‐ Yes.
You mother.. ‐ No, no, no.
How dare you! ‐ Leave.
Hey, leave her.
This was the best awards night so far.
My jokes have caused a riot.
Literally. I mean..
there is something special about me.
Are you sure that you are fine?
The Chaddies! The Chaddies rock!
Okay. Pammi, let's go.
We have a strict policy against violence.
We are banning Ms. Goel from all our branches.
I love you, Sarla ji.
By the way, you DJ‐ed pretty well tonight.
What, sir? ‐ Good job, T. P.
Well done.
Okay, listen. I've spoken to Anjali.
She will drop you home first, and then she will go home.
Amit, listen. I want to tell you something.
Tell me.
That thing about Chaddha sir on the ladies' room wall..
Yes?
I wrote it. ‐ What? Really?
Well, that was actually a good one.
Here is the car.
Amit.
I want to say one more thing. ‐ Tell me.
That..
Just thanks.
You are welcome.