-What's your name? -My name is Naman.
Naman, any experience?
-Yes, I've acted in a play before. -Okay.
Do you remember the lines I gave?
-Yes, I've memorized them, sir. -Then go ahead and recite them.
Mercy befits the serpent that is venomous.
None care for the mercy of the timid one without any venom.
Son, understand the situation first.
What's the situation?
The situation is that Lord Rama is sitting on the seashore
and asking the ocean to make way.
How will he ask for it?
"Mr. Ocean, please let me squeeze through so that I can go to Lanka."
Well...
He's not going for a bath. He's going to Lanka!
Lanka!
-Show some fervour, some courage. -Yes, sir.
-Okay? -Yes, sir.
-Show him. -Okay, sir.
Mercy befits the serpent that is venomous...
Serve tea to both of them.
What's up, Munna?
How is the rehearsal coming along, Dad?
Yeah, it's pulling along.
Boys these days lack passion.
Timidly muttering... all the time!
In life, whatever you say,
say it with passion, got it?
When are you saying it?
Saying what?
I'm your father, sonny.
Oh, you mean Guddan.
Well, listen...
Get Guddan's signature on this paper.
While you're munching fries with her,
just gently slide the document towards her.
Dad, I've been watching you since yesterday.
You've been acting strange.
-What's going on? -Oh, really?
When I'd hold your willy to help you pee,
you never asked me what's going on then.
But you ask me that today, eh?
Come on.
-At least tell me what this is. -It's an NOC.
No objection certificate.
The land that Kashi donated to me for building a widowers' home,
suppose something happens to him tomorrow,
remember he has two hyenas for sons.
If they lose their minds and put me in jail,
would you like it?
-No, I wouldn't like it for sure. -That's it then.
It's no big deal.
Of course, it's a big deal. Guddan isn't a kid to sign blindly.
And what's with these tall tales about Asia's largest widowers' home?
You've never told me about it.
We barely get to talk, son.
You're busy with your life and I'm busy with my business.
Your mother used to keep us bonded.
Isn't it?
But how do I make her sign?
Keep a rose in the middle and hand it to her.
Women give their hearts in return for roses.
This is just a signature.
Go on.
Gotcha! It's my turn!
-Dad, is this a toy? Can I play? -Hey, wait...
It'll break, son. It's feng shui.
Go and play.
Sir, I wanted to ask you a question.
Go ahead.
When you started losing your hair in your youth,
did Kadambari call off her engagement with you?
No, Kadambari was willing.
But her family members,
father, uncles, brothers, all of them were against it.
"The groom is going bald.
"He won't look good if he's completely bald."
But Kadambari Shukla refused to marry after that.
She was a very stubborn woman.
-A pretty solid relationship, eh? -Shut up!
Dear Lord!
In my next birth, give me a few fingers less,
but make sure that I have a head full of hair.
The house has gone to the dogs.
Washing bedsheets was like a double cardio session.
Do you know about the cement factory proposal for that land?
I also heard about it yesterday.
And he wants to donate that land to a shelter home.
Living alone has driven Dad crazy.
Stand right here. Don't move.
Cigarette?
Sister, you smoke?
It's not a cigarette.
It's just spices, good for digestion.
I still chew carom seeds for digestion.
Dad has a lot of money. He has kept it hidden.
That's why there was a burglary at home last month.
They stole jackfruit.
Damn!
There was a time
when their family would first name an estate for the newborn,
then name the newborn.
Yes, boss, sorry, I couldn't talk earlier.
There were people around and the matter was confidential.
Now tell me, boss. You can speak freely.
Shishupal, you fucker,
on which horrible site did you post the matrimonial ad for my nephew?
Do you know what kind of women are coming?
-Yes, boss, I am-- -Don't "boss" me.
I'll look into the financial matter.
These girls breathe less and smoke more.
Sorry, boss. My wife was listening in on our conversation. I'm sorry.
Good. Let her listen in.
His boss has made his life hell.
I've told him so many times to quit this job and apply elsewhere.
Can't wait for my modelling career to take off.
Sister, isn't it a bit late for modelling?
Why?
Check how many bags are there.
-Seven. -Seven?
On three of them, stick labels marked "Banaras, Badke."
Dad!
I found this old jacket in your wardrobe. It's very nice.
See, it looks so good on me.
How dare you open my wardrobe?
Where did you get the keys?
Fine, fine, I'll keep it back. No need to get angry.
Are you going to take it to heaven?
-Manju. -Yes?
Is it left to right or right to left?
Move it clockwise.
This is clockwise?
Move it from left to right.
Okay, listen. A four-letter word.
Name an animal with really long nails.
Crocodile.
C-R-O-C-O-D-I-L-E.
That's nine letters, sister.
Dad, tell me a four-letter word
for an animal with really long nails.
With really long nails...
A mole.
-Like Mahipal. -Come on, Dad.
-Dad? -Yes?
Are Babloo and Rinki really...
-Are they really siblings? -Why do you ask?
I sense something fishy.
No, he's a very cultured boy.
He has an entire family plan in place.
He has the picture of Lord Hanuman
as a wallpaper on his phone.
Greetings, brother Kashi!
Gangaram is here.
Still on top of everything, eh?
What's going on, kids?
Take his blessings, boys.
This is Mahipal's and this is Shishupal's.
-God bless. -This is for you all.
-Sister got chocolates for us! -Yes.
Not sister, boys. Call him brother.
-Yes, what will you call him? -Sister!
Scoot now. Go on!
Brother, a minute.
I wanted to tell you that...
I'll show it to you.
Guddan is nowhere to be seen.
-She's in the shower. -Okay.
I'll wait.
No need to wait.
-Sometimes she sleeps off. -In the bathroom?
Hello? It's her wish.
Whether she sleeps in the bathroom or on the terrace, it's her wish.
-Who are you? -I'm Munna, I mean...
I'll call her.
What the hell!
Brother, as I was saying,
I met the doctor.
He was saying that you've been discharged,
but he was hesitating to send him the bill.
I told him that I'll pass it on. I mean, what's the big deal!
He doesn't need to hesitate.
You'll not want to leave behind debts at this age.
Gangaram, I truly want to
atone for the sins of this life--
-It's Rs. 1.5 lakh. -Rs. 1.5 lakh?
I don't have so much cash, so...
Badke, will you clear this?
Dad, I... I mean...
There's some issue with the bank.
I'm able to deposit money, but not withdraw.
I don't know why.
Yeah, that happens.
Well...
Shishupal will pay it. Shishu!
Dad, actually...
Since we left in a hurry,
he forgot to bring the bank card.
Oh, my!
-Guddan must be having-- -Guddan will do it.
-All right. -No.
Give me this opportunity. No...
Please! Please let me. Please!
You've done so much for me.
What a benevolent man! He gave away all his land.
And whatever was left is being used for a widowers' home.
Asia's largest, you know?
It's the Lord's grace.
The blueprint I had mentioned...
-Yes. -...it's here.
-Look at this. -Wow.
The temple you had asked for facing the east.
Yes.
Look, Badke.
I've got it designed by an architect.
-By Tandon? -No, Kundan.
Kundan, okay.
It's got an Olympic-sized swimming pool.
And look at this.
Three-storey parking and a 350-seater theatre.
Henceforth, we'll watch all movies here.
What's going on, guys?
We're looking at the plan for the largest widowers' home in Asia.
There's a football field and an EDM hall?
Yes!
-What's EDM? -Electronic dance music.
That was the only thing left.
All the widowers will mourn to the tunes of DJ Marshmallow,
and we'll clap for them.
What's cooking, boys?
Why go through the plan here?
Visit the plot.
You can inspect it in person.
What do you say, boys?
So, about the plot.
Before we visit the plot, it's important to know the plot.
This is Kashiram's pumpkin,
his large 40-acre plot.
And like Prabhudeva taught us in the movie R... Rajkumar,
when a pumpkin is cut, everybody gets a share.
Sharing reminds me that on this side here
there are tiny 2-acre plots
that belong to Badke, Chotke and Guddan.
And since I've been working hard for the last 10 to 15 years,
loyally serving this family, I'll ask for a few acres too.
But I'm afraid of getting thrashed.
It's necessary to get thrashed for a plot of land.
Look there. From right there...
up to here, it's good land.
There would've been a prosperous cement factory,
and your father would've been counting his way to the bank.
But what's coming up here now?
The eighth wonder of the world. Wonderful!
It was all going great. Produce an heir and inherit land.
Gangaram messed it all up.
Don't say that, brother.
We have two acres of land each in the nearby area.
-That's a lot. -That's not a lot, Guddan.
Dad has 40 acres.
13 acres to each of you.
And 14 acres for me.
Tell me something. Why did you donate the land?
We didn't. Dad donated it.
Then do one thing.
-When your dear father dies... -Hey, Patwari!
-Do you want to get thrashed? -Wait... go on, continue.
I will...
I'll show you.
Don't tell anybody that I showed you.
This is the proposal for the cement factory.
On 40 acres.
You'll get at least Rs. 30 crore from the company.
And for the crusher yard on Guddan's plot,
you'll get Rs. 1.5 crore extra.
And what about the two-acre plots that we have?
Nothing over there.
-Make some arrangements. -To set up the factory,
won't they need our permission?
Our plots surround that, isn't it?
Look at this. This is called a no objection certificate.
NOC.
As long as the three of you don't give this to Gangaram,
nothing will be built on this land.
Just get the widowers' home stopped.
-By then, your dad will bounce. -Hey!
I mean, your father...
Then you can transfer all the land to your names
and register it as "industrial."
Then you can swim in big money. Lots of money.
Okay, Rs. 1.5 crore extra for her.
Don't forget my commission.
Enough of this, brother. Come on, let's go.
Our good old cumin candies. Remember, you'd get them for me?
This is the same one, remember?
-The booger one? -Booger?
When you were little, we'd pretend to pull this
out of your nose and put it in our mouths. You'd start crying.
-Disgusting, man! -I used to pull your pigtails.
Those were such good days, weren't they?
There was nothing good about those days.
No need to become too nostalgic.
There's nothing here.
-You're doing well in America. -Yes.
Everything's going fine.
Let it continue. We'll have to rot here anyway.
Brother, everybody thinks that it's all very good in America.
But that's not true.
Have you fallen for a white guy?
Guddan, don't you dare fall for a white guy.
They still use paper to wipe their butts.
Come on, man! What are you saying?
Listen, come here.
Listen.
Badke is right.
After Dad passes away...
I mean...
You too should bid goodbye to Allahabad.
After Dad, we'll also sell our properties here--
And leave for good. That's true.
You have everything in America.
-You have healthy, clean air. -Of course.
There's no garbage around, beautiful, clean sea.
You have Disneyland, tall buildings,
-all types of food and drinks-- -And such large burgers.
True. What does America lack?
The two of you.
Mom, I don't want this mango. I want Maaza.
-Where do I get you Maaza from? -You want Maaza, eh?
Anju, make them eat the local Banarasi Langda mango.
These tantrums have started after they tasted Alphonso mangoes.
Why did Dad go to bed so early?
He's free of all tension now, so he slept off peacefully.
Yes, he's passed on all the tension to us.
Yeah.
Saw what Gangaram's doing
on the pretext of footing Dad's hospital bill?
I told you I'll pawn my gold jewels.
Sister, why don't you give the money if you have it?
If I had Rs. 1.5 lakh, wouldn't I have got my photo session done?
Is Guddan asleep?
Yes, I took her food up to her room.
She slept off watching a movie on the laptop.
I watched the rest of it. Titanic.
But that Jack was an idiot.
I mean, Rose is sitting in front of him asking him to sketch her.
But he's busy sharpening his pencil.
No value for time.
Good that he drowned to death.
Pick up the plate.
Focus on your work.
Brother, shall I say something?
Guddan doesn't need money.
Yes, she's earning in dollars.
Why does she need so much land?
Yes, but she'll be getting the Rs. 1.5 crore.
What will the two of you get? Thumbs to suck on.
Why is that?
How can she not help us?
During our childhood, we've even repaired flat tyres on her cycle.
Absolutely.
But it doesn't feel nice to take money from your little sister.
Yeah, all right.
Anyway, shall I say something, Chotke?
Since I have visited the plot, my mind has been running wild.
Let's pull one on Patwari.
That black rock on Guddan's plot,
we'll say that we've been worshiping it for ages
and that it's an ancestral temple.
A temple can't be broken. On that pretext, we can tell them
to set up the crusher yard on our land instead of Guddan's.
Brother!
-How are you, brother? -Isn't that his voice?
-Where are you, brother? -Hide the bottle.
Why are you yelling?
-We're sitting right here. -Why are you here?
This is no time to visit.
-Why don't you tell him, Munna? -I did. He didn't listen.
I was passing by, so I thought...
The Rs. 1.5 lakh hospital bill...
This is the receipt.
I thought of handing it over.
Who is it?
Hi.
It's me, dear. Gangaram.
I came to give the receipt for the Rs. 1.5 lakh bill.
We live in a society.
We must help each other.
Gangaram, you think you've helped us?
Very nice. Thank you.
We'll forever be grateful to you for this favour.
But don't remind me again, or else--
-How can you talk to Dad like that? -He's right.
We've been hearing since morning that you paid Rs. 1.5 lakh.
We're also donating land for your widowed...
I mean, widowers' home. Remember that.
This is no way to treat anyone. They're misbehaving, Dad.
-They're right. -But--
Keep quiet. First, listen to what he's saying.
He's absolutely right.
Well, brother...
the NOC form.
If all of you sign this,
we can start the foundation work.
I'm sure Patwari must have told you.
-Gangaram. -Yes?
Come outside.
-What happened? -You also come along, Munna.
Is Kashi asleep?
-Come on, keep walking. -Come.
-What happened? -We were just passing by...
-You think we're illiterate? -Not at all, brother!
What do you think you're up to?
What is the matter? I'll explain.
-Get out! -What are you doing?
Why are you pushing us, brother?
-Are these the property papers? -Yes.
Then why is "industrial purpose" written on it?
Why?
Well...
It must be a printing mistake. I didn't print it.
Printing mistake, is it? Wow!
This father-son duo thinks we're idiots.
Printing mistake, eh?
What are you doing?
-I'll break your head! -No, that's wrong...
Hey! Not the pot!
-Not the pot! -Then put the stick down!
-Not the pot! Not the pot! -Munna...
Not the pot! Don't...
-Motherfucker! -Munna!
-Sorry. -They took the land
and broke the pot too!
-Thrash him! -Brother! Don't hit him!
-Move aside! -No, don't hit him!
-Move aside, Guddan! -Brother, Munna's my boyfriend.
-Am I? -I just said it, didn't I?
All right.
You're so well-cultured, dear.
Look at your brothers, a bunch of hyenas.
I'm not a bad person. You're misunderstanding me.
Okay?
Let's go, son.
Are you going to keep clinging to her? Time to go!
Come, let's go.
-I'll call you. -Scoot!
-Brother-- -Is this how you were raised?
"Well-cultured," eh?
-Anju! -Coming!
Brother...
Saw that?
We've been raising snakes in this house.
Now I understand why he was harping about the Rs. 1.5 lakh.
We've to somehow free Dad from Gangaram's clutches.
Sir told me about another last wish.
What is it?
That he doesn't want to die.
-What? -What are you saying?
-If you say another word... -Hey, easy.
Why are you...
He wants you to perform a ritual to pray for his longevity.
There he goes again.
What do you mean?
Tell me if you don't wish to do it.
He has told me strictly,
that if you won't do it, he'll call up Gangaram--
Shut up!
Enough of Gangaram!
-Don't yell. -Gangaram won't let Dad die.
And he won't let us live.
We don't even know any priest who can get all this done.
-Neither do I. -Nor do I.
This isn't Banaras either.
I'll get the ritual performed for Dad.
I know someone.
Iron it nicely, Captain Allahabad!
I'm "iron" man.
In Avengers, if it was Gangaram instead of Thanos,
I swear he'd have rocked.
He was facing the best of superheroes.
But he's facing Badke and Chotke.
And their superpowers are all about widening their eyes
and shampooing their heads like this.
Seems the olive oil is proving beneficial.
You should try it too.