WEBVTT

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[Natasha] I have heard
that you'll be fighting

00:00:06.920 --> 00:00:07.960 align:center
[Natasha] elections from Sumerpur.

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Are you prepared?

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[Music playing]

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All your problems
will be Tanya's responsibility.

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[Vomits]

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[Clicks]

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Fashion show?

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People from foreign countries
will come, buy the jewellery,

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you all will make money

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and all your problems
will be solved.

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Money?

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[Music playing]

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Ms. Aruna, why is everyone
being so sentimental?

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Politicians had only made
promises to them so far.

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You're the first one
who gave them jobs.

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Tanya, you actually won
the elections.

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Tanya Thakur, who is only
25 years old...

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India has chosen
the next prime minister.

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And it's 25-year-old
Tanya Thakur.

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[Title Montage]

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[Aruna] Now, I would like to invite

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the new Prime Minister
of the country.

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Respected Ms. Thakur.

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[Applauding]

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What? My name is not that.

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What she means,
is respected miss.

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Now go.

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[Music playing]

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[Tanya] Okay.

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[Clicks]

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Please repeat after me.

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"I do swear in the name of God"

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"that I will bear true faith"

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"and allegiance to
the Constitution of India."

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Dude!

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I didn't understand anything.

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This sounds like a software
agreement form.

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How do I just, like,
click on agree?

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[Chuckles]

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"I will faithfully"

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"and conscientiously
discharge my duties..."

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That is, as in,
the past tense of sing.

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Right?

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"I... without fear or"

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"affection or..."

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[Clock ticking]

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"...ill-will, I will do
the right thing."

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Amazeful! We're done!

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[Applauding]

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[Music playing]

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[Siren blaring]

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[Gun cocks]

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[Gunshots]

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Thank you.

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That's Mr. Subramaniyam.

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Our External Affair minister.

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Oh! Is the news
about Kangana and Hrithik true?

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Excuse me.

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External Affairs, right?

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Come on, now. Come.

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Grandma.

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[Tanya] Who is that?

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Sachin Ghatge.

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Opposition party leader.

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[Priyamvada] Aam Insaan Party.

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Mango is my favorite fruit.

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Hottie alert.

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Katal.com.

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Dude, he's so not your type.

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I'm talking about the one
who's behind him.

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[Both] Oh!

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He's coming.

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[Clears throat]

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- I got this.
- I look good.

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Madam Prime Minister,
how are you?

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Good! Hi, you?

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I saw your pledge
this morning.

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Sorry, what did you see?

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The oath-taking ceremony.

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Oh! Oh! Right.
[Chuckles]

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By the way, what people
say about you is wrong.

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I know, right?

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You are more clueless
than what people think of you.

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[Laughs]

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[Chuckles]

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- Sorry?
- You'll have to be sorry.

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You're playing with the country.

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But not for long.

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Next week

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when the prime ministers of our
neighbouring countries will come

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for the South-Asian Summit...
then you...

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will not be able to survive there.

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And you know why?

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Because I won't let you stay there.

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Anyway, enjoy your drinks
and the attention.

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World-class.

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Did I just get, like,
roasted for no reason?

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[Meera] Just forget him, babe.

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"I am not in love.
It is merely horror."

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"My horror can be
a treasure to you."

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"Love is merely a madness."

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Shakespeare.

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The one I recited
was of Mr. Ghalib.

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Two languages

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but same thought.

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So, are they talking
or are we, through them?

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Coffee?

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[Music playing]

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Wow, babe!
You look smoking!

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Like a s****y secretary.

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Guys! Look!

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O-M-G, babe!

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You look hot!

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You like it?

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- Yo!
- Yo!

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"Tell me what you want.
What you really, really want!"

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"I'll tell you what I want,
what I really, really want!"

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"I want to really, really..."

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- Good morning.
- Hi!

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Good morning.

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Ma'am, I am Ashok Pandey.

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I'm your principal secretary.

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Don't worry, Mr. Ashok.
You don't have to stress out.

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Meera and Ricky are here.
They can be my secretaries.

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Hi!

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Ma'am, which secretaries?

00:08:13.520 --> 00:08:14.520 align:center
Sorry?

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Ma'am, I'm your
principal secretary.

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Apart from me, you have
another principal secretary.

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Additional secretary
to the principal secretary.

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Plus five joint secretaries,
and of course,

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every joint secretary
will have one deputy secretary.

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Plus six under-secretaries.
So think and tell me.

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Which secretaries
are you talking about?

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Very, very personal secretaries.

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The ones who always
stay with me.

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Everywhere.

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At all times.

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Very well, ma'am.
That will be done.

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Cool!

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Ma'am, I'm supposed to brief you
about the South-Asian Summit

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happening next Monday.

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South-Asian Summit.

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Okay.

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Sum it up, Mr. Ashok.

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[Laughs]

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- Jokey.
- Jokey.

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Ma'am, this is a serious matter.
It is not a joke.

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Prime ministers of Pakistan,
Bangladesh

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and Sri Lanka will be
coming to India.

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And all these countries will
discuss the issues in the countries.

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What do you mean?

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Outstanding, ma'am.

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Thank you.

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- You really are amazing.
- Thank you.

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But at least answer
my question.

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Ma'am, the meaning
of it is outstanding.

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They'll be discussing
outstanding issues.

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Like trade, terrorism, Kashmir.

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- Kashmir!
- You must have heard of it.

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India and Pakistan have been
fighting over Kashmir since 1947.

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So, actually, who has Kashmir now?

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Both the countries.

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Both have it,
yet they are fighting.

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Please understand.
Imagine you have a pair of sandals.

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Stilettos, Mr. Ashok.
Sandals are so yesterday.

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Stilettos. Fine, stilettos.

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So, imagine you two have
just one pair of stilettos.

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And each of you have
one shoe of the pair.

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So, won't you fight
for the other shoe?

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It will be called a pair
only when you have the other.

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[Laughs]

00:10:05.160 --> 00:10:07.000 align:center
Ma'am, shall we come
to the main point?

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Ma'am, South-Asian Summit's main
motive is peace treaty.

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All the countries
have agreed to sign it

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except our neighbouring countries.

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Okay, Mr. Ashok. Tell me.
Why aren't they signing?

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The first condition
in the treaty is that

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no country can sponsor terrorism
to their neighbouring countries.

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Wait.

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[Scoffs]

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F-Y-I, their country's fashion
is so good.

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So amazing!

00:10:33.640 --> 00:10:35.520 align:center
Why don't they sponsor that?
Like, you know

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palazzos and haram pants
and tunics.

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Don't worry, Mr. Ashok.

00:10:40.120 --> 00:10:43.160 align:center
I will explain to them
not to sponsor terrorism.

00:10:43.280 --> 00:10:45.480 align:center
Fashion Jihad is so much better.

00:10:48.520 --> 00:10:49.360 align:center
Outstanding.

00:10:49.480 --> 00:10:51.360 align:center
You mean that?

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[Laughs]

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[All] BN!

00:10:55.640 --> 00:10:57.560 align:center
[Music playing]

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What is it that I see
in your eyes?

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Seems to me more than
the print I have read in my life.

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Ah! It is rightly said.

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You find the true meaning
of poems when you fall in love.

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Excuse me?

00:11:18.880 --> 00:11:21.680 align:center
Love. That is what I said
in Urdu.

00:11:29.360 --> 00:11:31.360 align:center
What love? Huh?

00:11:32.200 --> 00:11:33.360 align:center
Already?

00:11:34.200 --> 00:11:35.600 align:center
Are you serious?

00:11:36.000 --> 00:11:38.160 align:center
Riyaz, we met two weeks ago.

00:11:38.920 --> 00:11:40.840 align:center
Two weeks for me
is like a lifetime.

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We meet every day and talk
on the phone every evening.

00:11:43.600 --> 00:11:46.120 align:center
If we fall short of words,
we repeat conversations.

00:11:46.200 --> 00:11:47.880 align:center
What is it, if not love?

00:11:49.480 --> 00:11:51.240 align:center
This is not called love.

00:11:51.600 --> 00:11:53.400 align:center
This is just called
hanging out, Riyaz.

00:11:53.480 --> 00:11:55.000 align:center
Please take it a little easy.

00:11:59.400 --> 00:12:00.720 align:center
Good morning, ma'am.

00:12:01.560 --> 00:12:02.480 align:center
Look.

00:12:06.360 --> 00:12:07.680 align:center
[Chuckles]

00:12:07.760 --> 00:12:08.920 align:center
It's pointless, ma'am.

00:12:09.400 --> 00:12:10.640 align:center
My wife is very conservative.

00:12:10.760 --> 00:12:12.120 align:center
The front page, Ashok.

00:12:18.440 --> 00:12:21.640 align:center
'Can this rookie politician
get the peace treaty signed?'

00:12:21.720 --> 00:12:23.200 align:center
[Chuckles]

00:12:29.040 --> 00:12:32.080 align:center
These peace talks
must fail anyhow, Ashok.

00:12:32.160 --> 00:12:35.160 align:center
Ma'am, these talks always fail.

00:12:35.240 --> 00:12:37.320 align:center
The day this summit is over

00:12:38.080 --> 00:12:39.960 align:center
I want headlines.

00:12:41.400 --> 00:12:45.160 align:center
'Is Tanya Thakur the world's
worst prime minister'

00:12:45.400 --> 00:12:47.920 align:center
'and not just India's?'

00:12:48.000 --> 00:12:52.160 align:center
Poor girl is trying so hard
that we needn't do anything.

00:12:52.440 --> 00:12:55.040 align:center
I can already imagine the cover.

00:12:55.200 --> 00:12:58.080 align:center
'Worst politician in the history
of the world.'

00:12:58.600 --> 00:12:59.560 align:center
'Tanya.'

00:12:59.640 --> 00:13:01.640 align:center
[Music playing]

00:13:19.600 --> 00:13:21.960 align:center
[Ashok] Yes, Rajan.
I'll tell the PM right away.

00:13:22.840 --> 00:13:23.840 align:center
Ma'am.

00:13:25.040 --> 00:13:27.560 align:center
A sleeper cell of terrorists
was caught in Delhi.

00:13:27.640 --> 00:13:28.640 align:center
[Bell dings]

00:13:28.720 --> 00:13:30.360 align:center
That's where terrorists are?

00:13:32.040 --> 00:13:33.400 align:center
Kind of, yes.

00:13:33.480 --> 00:13:37.840 align:center
All the others have died
but we found one alive.

00:13:38.800 --> 00:13:42.440 align:center
[Both] O-M-G!

00:13:42.520 --> 00:13:44.920 align:center
Amaze-balls!

00:13:46.600 --> 00:13:48.360 align:center
Can we meet him?

00:13:48.880 --> 00:13:50.880 align:center
Do you mean you two?

00:13:51.600 --> 00:13:53.280 align:center
We both and Ricky.

00:13:53.440 --> 00:13:55.000 align:center
Ma'am, he's a terrorist.

00:13:55.200 --> 00:13:56.960 align:center
It's not Taj Mahal
that you want to see.

00:13:57.080 --> 00:13:59.760 align:center
Mr. Ashok, please!

00:13:59.840 --> 00:14:01.960 align:center
I have never seen a live terrorist.

00:14:03.160 --> 00:14:06.080 align:center
Ma'am, he is not Salman Khan
whom you want to see live.

00:14:06.160 --> 00:14:07.400 align:center
He's a terrorist, ma'am.

00:14:07.480 --> 00:14:10.360 align:center
Mr. Ashok, how will I
solve the problem of terrorism

00:14:10.440 --> 00:14:12.840 align:center
if I don't see one?

00:14:13.880 --> 00:14:16.200 align:center
- It's the question of the country.
- Yeah!

00:14:16.280 --> 00:14:18.240 align:center
Please organize a visit.

00:14:18.680 --> 00:14:19.720 align:center
Yes, ma'am.

00:14:19.800 --> 00:14:21.720 align:center
[Giggling]

00:14:23.720 --> 00:14:25.760 align:center
[Music playing]

00:14:27.520 --> 00:14:28.760 align:center
[Gate opens]

00:14:42.120 --> 00:14:44.320 align:center
Mr. Ashok, where is he?

00:14:44.400 --> 00:14:45.640 align:center
[Ashok] He is right here.

00:14:51.360 --> 00:14:52.440 align:center
This guy?

00:14:52.560 --> 00:14:54.080 align:center
[Laughs]
That's it?

00:14:54.560 --> 00:14:56.120 align:center
Where is the rest of him?

00:14:57.520 --> 00:14:59.400 align:center
What is your name, Mr. Terrorist?

00:14:59.480 --> 00:15:01.560 align:center
Azgar Bashir Carrim Dawood.

00:15:01.920 --> 00:15:04.760 align:center
Sorry, Mr. Terrorist.
We don't know Arabic.

00:15:05.840 --> 00:15:07.440 align:center
This is my name.

00:15:08.040 --> 00:15:10.680 align:center
Azgar Bashir Carrim Dawood.

00:15:10.960 --> 00:15:13.520 align:center
Everyone in school must call you
ABCD, right?

00:15:14.000 --> 00:15:18.040 align:center
They would call me Chote's life.
Chote's life.

00:15:18.320 --> 00:15:21.440 align:center
So, in school, when,
in essays you were asked

00:15:21.520 --> 00:15:23.560 align:center
what you wanted to be
when you grew up

00:15:23.640 --> 00:15:25.080 align:center
what would you answer?

00:15:25.160 --> 00:15:27.640 align:center
- Terrorist?
- I could never go to school.

00:15:27.960 --> 00:15:29.520 align:center
Poor thing!

00:15:29.920 --> 00:15:32.960 align:center
Literally, he has hair
like Shahrukh from "DDLJ".

00:15:33.040 --> 00:15:36.280 align:center
But instead of Kajol,
he has a gun.

00:15:36.640 --> 00:15:37.520 align:center
[Sighs]

00:15:37.600 --> 00:15:40.160 align:center
And poor guy will be hanged
in a few days too.

00:15:40.760 --> 00:15:43.240 align:center
You guys, he's too young to die.

00:15:45.880 --> 00:15:47.800 align:center
It's okay. It's okay.
Please step out.

00:15:50.200 --> 00:15:51.280 align:center
Really?

00:15:52.240 --> 00:15:53.360 align:center
Yes.

00:15:53.440 --> 00:15:54.880 align:center
You will be hanged.

00:15:54.960 --> 00:15:58.240 align:center
That's the last promotion
in your job.

00:15:58.560 --> 00:16:02.320 align:center
No. I meant you were saying
that my hair is like Shahrukh's.

00:16:03.840 --> 00:16:05.840 align:center
Of course, and even
your dimples.

00:16:08.360 --> 00:16:12.920 align:center
Actually, I used to have a big
poster of Shahrukh in my room.

00:16:13.960 --> 00:16:16.400 align:center
He is my mom's
favorite hero.

00:16:16.480 --> 00:16:19.200 align:center
She wanted to name me Shahrukh.

00:16:23.040 --> 00:16:24.240 align:center
[Crying]

00:16:27.040 --> 00:16:29.560 align:center
It's true, ma'am.

00:16:29.640 --> 00:16:32.040 align:center
Ma'am, I want to go to my mom.

00:16:32.160 --> 00:16:34.960 align:center
Ma'am, send me back
to my country.

00:16:36.400 --> 00:16:37.360 align:center
[Sniffs]

00:16:37.440 --> 00:16:39.080 align:center
[Music playing]

00:16:56.200 --> 00:16:57.120 align:center
Mr. Terrorist.

00:16:57.200 --> 00:17:00.600 align:center
Before asking me for help,
you will have to promise me

00:17:00.720 --> 00:17:02.800 align:center
that you'll never harm India.

00:17:05.120 --> 00:17:07.040 align:center
Ma'am, I also love India.

00:17:07.120 --> 00:17:09.360 align:center
The Matar Paneer here.

00:17:09.920 --> 00:17:12.440 align:center
Shahrukh Khan
and Virat Kohli...

00:17:13.480 --> 00:17:14.320 align:center
- Okay.
- Virat Kohli.

00:17:14.400 --> 00:17:15.960 align:center
I can't promise you.

00:17:16.160 --> 00:17:17.840 align:center
But I will consider it.

00:17:20.880 --> 00:17:24.080 align:center
But first let me take a selfie.

00:17:24.160 --> 00:17:27.080 align:center
This is our country's
Prime Minister Tanya Thakur.

00:17:27.160 --> 00:17:29.600 align:center
She is seen taking
a selfie with the terrorist

00:17:29.720 --> 00:17:35.240 align:center
Azgar Bashir Carrim Dawood, ABCD
of the neighbouring country.

00:17:35.360 --> 00:17:40.720 align:center
Does it suit a prime minister
to take selfies with the enemy?

00:17:40.800 --> 00:17:42.120 align:center
Tell us, Tanya Thakur.

00:17:42.360 --> 00:17:45.800 align:center
Look, your selfie.
One little selfie

00:17:45.880 --> 00:17:48.320 align:center
can become the reason
for you to lose power.

00:17:48.400 --> 00:17:49.840 align:center
Then don't complain to me.

00:17:53.880 --> 00:17:56.800 align:center
[Theme music playing]
me.