WEBVTT

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[Natasha] I have heard
that you'll be fighting

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[Natasha] elections from Sumerpur.

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Are you prepared?

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[Music playing]

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All your problems
will be Tanya's responsibility.

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[Vomits]

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[Clicks]

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Fashion show?

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People from foreign countries
will come, buy the jewellery,

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you all will make money

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and all your problems
will be solved.

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Money?

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[Music playing]

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Ms. Aruna, why is everyone
being so sentimental?

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Politicians had only made
promises to them so far.

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You're the first one
who gave them jobs.

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Tanya, you actually won
the elections.

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Tanya Thakur, who is only
25 years old...

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India has chosen
the next prime minister.

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And it's 25-year-old
Tanya Thakur.

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[Title Montage]

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[Aruna] Now, I would like to invite

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the new Prime Minister
of the country.

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Respected Ms. Thakur.

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[Applauding]

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What? My name is not that.

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What she means,
is respected miss.

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Now go.

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[Music playing]

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[Tanya] Okay.

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[Clicks]

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Please repeat after me.

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"I do swear in the name of God"

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"that I will bear true faith"

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"and allegiance to
the Constitution of India."

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Dude!

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I didn't understand anything.

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This sounds like a software
agreement form.

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How do I just, like,
click on agree?

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[Chuckles]

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"I will faithfully"

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"and conscientiously
discharge my duties..."

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That is, as in,
the past tense of sing.

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Right?

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"I... without fear or"

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"affection or..."

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[Clock ticking]

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"...ill-will, I will do
the right thing."

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Amazeful! We're done!

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[Applauding]

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[Music playing]

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[Siren blaring]

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[Gun cocks]

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[Gunshots]

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Thank you.

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That's Mr. Subramaniyam.

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Our External Affair minister.

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Oh! Is the news
about Kangana and Hrithik true?

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Excuse me.

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External Affairs, right?

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Come on, now. Come.

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Grandma.

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[Tanya] Who is that?

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Sachin Ghatge.

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Opposition party leader.

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[Priyamvada] Aam Insaan Party.

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Mango is my favorite fruit.

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Hottie alert.

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Katal.com.

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Dude, he's so not your type.

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I'm talking about the one
who's behind him.

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[Both] Oh!

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He's coming.

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[Clears throat]

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- I got this.
- I look good.

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Madam Prime Minister,
how are you?

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Good! Hi, you?

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I saw your pledge
this morning.

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Sorry, what did you see?

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The oath-taking ceremony.

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Oh! Oh! Right.
[Chuckles]

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By the way, what people
say about you is wrong.

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I know, right?

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You are more clueless
than what people think of you.

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[Laughs]

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[Chuckles]

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- Sorry?
- You'll have to be sorry.

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You're playing with the country.

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But not for long.

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Next week

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when the prime ministers of our
neighbouring countries will come

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for the South-Asian Summit...
then you...

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will not be able to survive there.

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And you know why?

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Because I won't let you stay there.

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Anyway, enjoy your drinks
and the attention.

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World-class.

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Did I just get, like,
roasted for no reason?

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[Meera] Just forget him, babe.

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"I am not in love.
It is merely horror."

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"My horror can be
a treasure to you."

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"Love is merely a madness."

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Shakespeare.

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The one I recited
was of Mr. Ghalib.

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Two languages

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but same thought.

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So, are they talking
or are we, through them?

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Coffee?

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[Music playing]

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Wow, babe!
You look smoking!

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Like a s****y secretary.

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Guys! Look!

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O-M-G, babe!

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You look hot!

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You like it?

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- Yo!
- Yo!

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"Tell me what you want.
What you really, really want!"

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"I'll tell you what I want,
what I really, really want!"

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"I want to really, really..."

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- Good morning.
- Hi!

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Good morning.

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Ma'am, I am Ashok Pandey.

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I'm your principal secretary.

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Don't worry, Mr. Ashok.
You don't have to stress out.

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Meera and Ricky are here.
They can be my secretaries.

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Hi!

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Ma'am, which secretaries?

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Sorry?

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Ma'am, I'm your
principal secretary.

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Apart from me, you have
another principal secretary.

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Additional secretary
to the principal secretary.

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Plus five joint secretaries,
and of course,

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every joint secretary
will have one deputy secretary.

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Plus six under-secretaries.
So think and tell me.

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Which secretaries
are you talking about?

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Very, very personal secretaries.

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The ones who always
stay with me.

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Everywhere.

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At all times.

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Very well, ma'am.
That will be done.

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Cool!

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Ma'am, I'm supposed to brief you
about the South-Asian Summit

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happening next Monday.

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South-Asian Summit.

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Okay.

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Sum it up, Mr. Ashok.

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[Laughs]

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- Jokey.
- Jokey.

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Ma'am, this is a serious matter.
It is not a joke.

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Prime ministers of Pakistan,
Bangladesh

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and Sri Lanka will be
coming to India.

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And all these countries will
discuss the issues in the countries.

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What do you mean?

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Outstanding, ma'am.

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Thank you.

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- You really are amazing.
- Thank you.

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But at least answer
my question.

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Ma'am, the meaning
of it is outstanding.

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They'll be discussing
outstanding issues.

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Like trade, terrorism, Kashmir.

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- Kashmir!
- You must have heard of it.

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India and Pakistan have been
fighting over Kashmir since 1947.

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So, actually, who has Kashmir now?

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Both the countries.

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Both have it,
yet they are fighting.

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Please understand.
Imagine you have a pair of sandals.

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Stilettos, Mr. Ashok.
Sandals are so yesterday.

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Stilettos. Fine, stilettos.

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So, imagine you two have
just one pair of stilettos.

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And each of you have
one shoe of the pair.

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So, won't you fight
for the other shoe?

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It will be called a pair
only when you have the other.

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[Laughs]

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Ma'am, shall we come
to the main point?

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Ma'am, South-Asian Summit's main
motive is peace treaty.

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All the countries
have agreed to sign it

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except our neighbouring countries.

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Okay, Mr. Ashok. Tell me.
Why aren't they signing?

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The first condition
in the treaty is that

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no country can sponsor terrorism
to their neighbouring countries.

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Wait.

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[Scoffs]

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F-Y-I, their country's fashion
is so good.

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So amazing!

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Why don't they sponsor that?
Like, you know

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palazzos and haram pants
and tunics.

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Don't worry, Mr. Ashok.

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I will explain to them
not to sponsor terrorism.

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Fashion Jihad is so much better.

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Outstanding.

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You mean that?

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[Laughs]

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[All] BN!

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[Music playing]

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What is it that I see
in your eyes?

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Seems to me more than
the print I have read in my life.

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Ah! It is rightly said.

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You find the true meaning
of poems when you fall in love.

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Excuse me?

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Love. That is what I said
in Urdu.

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What love? Huh?

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Already?

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Are you serious?

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Riyaz, we met two weeks ago.

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Two weeks for me
is like a lifetime.

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We meet every day and talk
on the phone every evening.

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If we fall short of words,
we repeat conversations.

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What is it, if not love?

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This is not called love.

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This is just called
hanging out, Riyaz.

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Please take it a little easy.

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Good morning, ma'am.

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Look.

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[Chuckles]

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It's pointless, ma'am.

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My wife is very conservative.

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The front page, Ashok.

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'Can this rookie politician
get the peace treaty signed?'

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[Chuckles]

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These peace talks
must fail anyhow, Ashok.

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Ma'am, these talks always fail.

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The day this summit is over

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I want headlines.

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'Is Tanya Thakur the world's
worst prime minister'

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'and not just India's?'

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Poor girl is trying so hard
that we needn't do anything.

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I can already imagine the cover.

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'Worst politician in the history
of the world.'

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'Tanya.'

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[Music playing]

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[Ashok] Yes, Rajan.
I'll tell the PM right away.

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Ma'am.

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A sleeper cell of terrorists
was caught in Delhi.

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[Bell dings]

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That's where terrorists are?

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Kind of, yes.

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All the others have died
but we found one alive.

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[Both] O-M-G!

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Amaze-balls!

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Can we meet him?

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Do you mean you two?

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We both and Ricky.

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Ma'am, he's a terrorist.

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It's not Taj Mahal
that you want to see.

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Mr. Ashok, please!

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I have never seen a live terrorist.

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Ma'am, he is not Salman Khan
whom you want to see live.

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He's a terrorist, ma'am.

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Mr. Ashok, how will I
solve the problem of terrorism

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if I don't see one?

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- It's the question of the country.
- Yeah!

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Please organize a visit.

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Yes, ma'am.

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[Giggling]

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[Music playing]

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[Gate opens]

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Mr. Ashok, where is he?

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[Ashok] He is right here.

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This guy?

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[Laughs]
That's it?

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Where is the rest of him?

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What is your name, Mr. Terrorist?

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Azgar Bashir Carrim Dawood.

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Sorry, Mr. Terrorist.
We don't know Arabic.

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This is my name.

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Azgar Bashir Carrim Dawood.

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Everyone in school must call you
ABCD, right?

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They would call me Chote's life.
Chote's life.

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So, in school, when,
in essays you were asked

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what you wanted to be
when you grew up

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what would you answer?

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- Terrorist?
- I could never go to school.

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Poor thing!

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Literally, he has hair
like Shahrukh from "DDLJ".

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But instead of Kajol,
he has a gun.

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[Sighs]

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And poor guy will be hanged
in a few days too.

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You guys, he's too young to die.

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It's okay. It's okay.
Please step out.

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Really?

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Yes.

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You will be hanged.

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That's the last promotion
in your job.

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No. I meant you were saying
that my hair is like Shahrukh's.

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Of course, and even
your dimples.

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Actually, I used to have a big
poster of Shahrukh in my room.

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He is my mom's
favorite hero.

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She wanted to name me Shahrukh.

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[Crying]

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It's true, ma'am.

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Ma'am, I want to go to my mom.

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Ma'am, send me back
to my country.

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[Sniffs]

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[Music playing]

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Mr. Terrorist.

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Before asking me for help,
you will have to promise me

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that you'll never harm India.

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Ma'am, I also love India.

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The Matar Paneer here.

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Shahrukh Khan
and Virat Kohli...

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- Okay.
- Virat Kohli.

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I can't promise you.

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But I will consider it.

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But first let me take a selfie.

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This is our country's
Prime Minister Tanya Thakur.

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She is seen taking
a selfie with the terrorist

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Azgar Bashir Carrim Dawood, ABCD
of the neighbouring country.

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Does it suit a prime minister
to take selfies with the enemy?

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Tell us, Tanya Thakur.

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Look, your selfie.
One little selfie

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can become the reason
for you to lose power.

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Then don't complain to me.

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[Theme music playing]
me.