1 00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:03,560 Yo, Mark. 2 00:00:03,640 --> 00:00:05,040 Just got my UBI check. 3 00:00:05,120 --> 00:00:06,200 Bet we can get some sweet tickets 4 00:00:06,280 --> 00:00:07,720 for the Phillies game on Thursday. 5 00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:09,520 Nah, Hank. We got better plans. 6 00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:11,560 What's better than Dollar Dog Night? 7 00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:12,520 Bow hunting. 8 00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:14,200 Hell yeah. Bow hunting. 9 00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:16,000 So, uh, what's bow hunting? 10 00:00:16,080 --> 00:00:18,120 It's hunting but with a bow and arrow. 11 00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:20,240 -Way more hardcore. -Woah. 12 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:21,600 Let me tell you, there's something beautiful 13 00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:23,280 and ancient about the bow and arrow. 14 00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:25,160 One of man's most primitive tools. 15 00:00:25,240 --> 00:00:26,520 -Check it out. -Woah. 16 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:28,800 The Falcon NX5, Buckshredder. 17 00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:31,440 This bad boy fires a hundred heat seeking arrows 18 00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:32,800 in under six seconds. 19 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:34,840 Damn, just like the caveman used. 20 00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:37,320 Yup, they were having a sale at Hardcore Hunting. 21 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:40,320 Spend over $2500 and get a free grenade. 22 00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:43,160 Nice. You never know when you might need a grenade. 23 00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:44,240 Exactly. 24 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:46,080 So, uh, you know how to use this thing or? 25 00:00:46,160 --> 00:00:47,680 Oh yeah, I've been listening to Rogan talk 26 00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:49,440 about elk hunting for years. 27 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:51,200 Maybe I should practice a little with the bow? 28 00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:52,920 Whoa, whoa, whoa, you don't use the bow. 29 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:54,120 -I don't? -Nah, nah, you got 30 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:55,360 a much more important role. 31 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:58,240 -Oh, okay. -Every hunter needs a gatherer. 32 00:00:58,320 --> 00:00:59,720 You are the gatherer. 33 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:02,520 Nice. So, uh, what does a gatherer do? 34 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:05,360 After I shoot the arrows, you gather 'em. 35 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:06,320 Awesome. 36 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:07,840 Oh baby, look at that, look at that. 37 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:10,080 Okay. We got movement at 12 o'clock right there, Hank. 38 00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:11,840 Okay, you wanna see this bad boy in action? 39 00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:12,680 Hell yeah. 40 00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:17,040 Uh, Mark? 41 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:18,640 Oh crap. I forgot they're heat seeking. 42 00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:20,240 Hank, hit the deck! 43 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:27,240 Well don't you stand there, Hank? 44 00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:28,520 Gather the arrows! 45 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:03,040 No, no, no, no. UBI is not freedom, okay? 46 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:04,360 It's socialism. 47 00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:05,920 Giving people handouts. 48 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,680 That's the end of America right there. 49 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:09,480 Wait, aren't you on disability? 50 00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:11,840 Okay, well, that's due to a serious medical issue, okay? 51 00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:13,080 Chronic Edema. 52 00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:14,880 Swollen ankles due to salt retention. 53 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:17,080 You can't work with a handicap like that. 54 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:18,600 Oh hey, hun. 55 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:20,920 Hey, did you guys know a Doug Davidson? 56 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:22,720 Oh, Dougie D? Yeah, he, uh, worked 57 00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:24,680 at the hot dog factory. Good guy. 58 00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:26,600 Oh, yeah? Well, apparently his wife 59 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,200 Janine's been reported missing, 60 00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:29,720 and now they can't find Doug. 61 00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:32,400 Ya know, I think he had something to do with it. 62 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:35,040 Oh, get out of here. You watch way too much Dateline. 63 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:36,760 Uh, where's the grill? 64 00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:38,120 -Oh, it blew up. -Hank. 65 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,560 -It blew up? -It was an accident, okay? 66 00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:42,440 Oh, yeah? An accident? 67 00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:43,880 Hey, you should be happy to know 68 00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:44,960 that the arrows I purchased 69 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,200 are of high enough quality to pierce a propane tank. 70 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:48,680 Oh, great. I'm thrilled. 71 00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:50,520 You really know my love language, Mark. 72 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:53,640 I'm telling you, Tam, this is a really smart investment, okay? 73 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:55,800 This thing's gonna provide us with infinite meat. 74 00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:57,600 You want to provide food for the family? 75 00:02:57,680 --> 00:03:00,320 Why don't you just try growing a garden like David over there? 76 00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:02,440 Oh, come on, that whole garden is like 77 00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:04,040 one freakin' salad, okay? 78 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:06,880 A single deer would provide our family with meat for months. 79 00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:09,520 Ooh, ooh, Hank, check it out. 80 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:11,200 Looks like dinner has arrived. 81 00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:12,520 Let's go. 82 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:16,400 Oh, okay, great. 83 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:18,560 In the off chance he actually killed a poor thing, 84 00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:22,680 we can sous vide it in the hot tub, since we no longer have a grill. 85 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:24,720 You know, you can actually do that Tam, okay? 86 00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:26,800 I know a guy who can disable the high limit sensor 87 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:28,640 and get this puppy up to 130. 88 00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:29,960 Uh, we're good. 89 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:31,520 Okay, lay it on me. 90 00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:33,240 Well, good news and bad news. 91 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:34,280 Really? 92 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:35,600 Okay, let's start with the bad. 93 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:36,720 What's this bad news? 94 00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:38,840 So, all the major cable networks passed. 95 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:40,160 Ugh, dammit! 96 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:41,760 Oh, come on! 97 00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:43,680 You know, this is why cable is dying. 98 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:44,800 What about the podcasts? 99 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:46,760 I gave you a list of podcasts. Let's go through those. 100 00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:49,120 Yeah, uh... Terry Gross? Sam Harris? 101 00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:50,800 Those are huge podcasts, David. 102 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:52,360 I mean, in what world do you think they would 103 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:53,880 want to interview a guy who self-published 104 00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:54,920 a book about gardening? 105 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:56,680 Uh, sustainable gardening, 106 00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:58,680 and it's about my journey, okay? 107 00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:00,960 What's the point of having a book publicist if you 108 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:02,200 can't get me any interviews? 109 00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:04,000 Uh, I am not your publicist. 110 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:05,200 I'm your cousin. 111 00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:06,960 I'm doing this as a favor, David. 112 00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:07,960 So am I. 113 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:09,000 I got a lot of cousins, Chuck. 114 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:10,400 I could have gone with any of 'em. 115 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:11,960 Okay, David. 116 00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:14,360 Okay, so what's the good news? 117 00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:16,800 I booked you on Sunrise Philadelphia. 118 00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:19,320 Oh... okay. Okay, that's not bad. 119 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:21,040 That's like a pretty big deal down here. 120 00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:23,200 Great, because they also would love for you to show 121 00:04:23,280 --> 00:04:25,960 them your garden and give some organic gardening tips. 122 00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:28,320 Oh, wow! That's exciting. So they're coming to my house? 123 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,920 Am I doing my own makeup or are they sending someone? 124 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:34,280 Uh... is there someone in your backyard with a crossbow? 125 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:35,600 Wait, what? 126 00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:40,480 - Hey! Uh, no! No! - Shh!! 127 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:43,880 Dammit, David! 128 00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:45,640 I was about to light that bad boy up! 129 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:48,440 Mark! Please do not hunt in my backyard! 130 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:49,840 I'm protecting your crops. 131 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:51,720 That deer was eating your penis emojis. 132 00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:52,880 Those are eggplants. 133 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:55,160 Oh, that's an eggplant. 134 00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:57,080 What did you think an eggplant was? 135 00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:58,960 I don't know. I always thought it was like a tree that 136 00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:00,280 grows eggs or something. 137 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:04,080 Okay. Well listen, I don't need your help defending my garden. 138 00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:07,440 I'm perfectly capable of keeping deer away without murdering them. 139 00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:08,920 I don't know about that, David, okay? 140 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:10,440 Deer aren't afraid of guys like you. 141 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:12,840 Oh, yeah? Yeah, they can sense that I'm a decent human being? 142 00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:16,400 Nature's only got one rule, kill or be killed. 143 00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:18,360 When the animals sense you're a vegetarian, 144 00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:19,560 they're not afraid of you no more. 145 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:21,160 They will walk all over you. 146 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:22,160 Okay. Fine. 147 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:24,160 If that's the cost of being ethical, 148 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,040 then the animals don't have to respect me. 149 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:29,040 Whoa, David, okay? Bow hunting is highly ethical, okay? 150 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,200 More ethical than being vegetarian, actually. 151 00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:34,520 I mean, I feel like not killing a conscious creature at all... 152 00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:36,520 probably the most ethical thing, no? 153 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:39,240 David, what do you think is going happen to that deer you just spooked? 154 00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:41,040 Do you think he's gonna go on and live forever? 155 00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:42,920 Go become the first deer astronaut? 156 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:44,000 I got news for you. 157 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:45,720 Nature is brutal. 158 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:47,760 That deer is gonna get eaten by a bear, 159 00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:50,800 or hit by a car, or die of one of those parasites where a worm 160 00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:52,960 takes control of its brain and makes it walk around all 161 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:54,520 weird and fall over the field. 162 00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:57,680 Okay, bow hunting gives that deer a dignified, noble death. 163 00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:00,800 In fact, the best possible outcome for that deer is to 164 00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:02,800 take an arrow through the heart from yours truly, okay? 165 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:05,880 Okay, listen, if you wanna go shoot defenseless animals, 166 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:08,320 that's your choice, but maybe do it in the woods? 167 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:10,520 Okay, David. Pfft! Let's go, Hank! 168 00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:12,600 You know, uh, Hank, I-I'm surprised. 169 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:14,120 You don't seem like the hunting type. 170 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:16,000 Oh, I'm actually just gathering. 171 00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:18,600 Hey, don't forget your arrows! 172 00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:19,960 Dammit, Hank! 173 00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:24,080 Okay... Any minute now... 174 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:27,760 Our little four legged friend is gonna to come stumbling 175 00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:31,160 right into the line of fire. 176 00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:32,840 Hank, what the hell are you doing? 177 00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:34,360 I'm taking a hot dog break. 178 00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:35,320 What do you mean hot dog break? 179 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:36,960 We've been out here for 20 minutes. 180 00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:38,680 The hell's wrong with you? 181 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:40,440 We're catching our own meat now. 182 00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:42,040 Yeah, I just don't know how I feel about, like, 183 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:43,200 killing animals and stuff. 184 00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:45,560 Hank! What do you think hot dogs are made from? 185 00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:46,920 Uh, sludge? 186 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:48,200 Listen, I'm telling you. 187 00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:50,680 This is way more ethical than eating hot dogs. 188 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:52,880 We bow hunters follow a strict code. 189 00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:55,080 Hey, oh--Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. 190 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:56,760 Hank, check it out. 191 00:06:58,200 --> 00:06:59,640 Wouldn't it be against bow hunting rules 192 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:00,760 to kill a baby deer? 193 00:07:00,840 --> 00:07:02,280 Might not be a baby. 194 00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:03,640 Could be a midget. 195 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:06,640 Whoa! 196 00:07:07,280 --> 00:07:08,720 What the hell was that? 197 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:10,160 Dougie D? 198 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:11,200 Yo! 199 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:13,520 You gotta be more careful, man. What are you doing out here? 200 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:14,720 Mark? 201 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:15,720 Hank? 202 00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:17,280 Hey! Well... 203 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:20,200 since getting laid off from the factory, I uh... 204 00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:24,040 I finally decided to live my dream of being a survivalist. Yeah. 205 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:25,880 No way, that's freaking awesome, man. 206 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:27,920 Yeah, see Hank, I told you this guy didn't kill his wife. 207 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:28,880 What? 208 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:30,720 No, no, no, that's crazy. 209 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:32,480 Of course I didn't. I had nothing to do with it. 210 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:33,840 Ah, I wouldn't worry too much. 211 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:35,240 Right now, she's just missing. 212 00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:37,320 Oh, yeah, right, right, right, yeah. 213 00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:39,440 So, like, nobody knows I'm out here, right? 214 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:42,360 I mean, I don't think so. Except us now, obviously. 215 00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:44,160 Yeah. 216 00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:46,160 Well, listen, if you want a break from solitude, 217 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:48,200 you're welcome to come bow hunting with us. 218 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:51,320 You know, that sounds like a great idea. 219 00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,200 Uh, excuse me. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing, babe? 220 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:01,000 Grabbing a couple tomatoes? 221 00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:02,840 Okay, why do you need tomatoes? 222 00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:04,320 To... eat? 223 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:06,120 Yeah, this garden is not for eating. 224 00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:07,800 This garden is going to be featured on TV. 225 00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:09,320 This would be like you going on the full house set 226 00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:10,640 and eating the Olsen Twins. 227 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:14,160 Uh, I don't think I'm the one you need to worry about. 228 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:15,480 What do you mean? 229 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:17,040 Dammit! 230 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:19,440 Oh, come on, jeez! 231 00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:21,480 Oh, they ate-- They ate everything! 232 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:22,880 They even ate the frickin' herbs! 233 00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:24,960 Are you alright over there, Jinglebells? 234 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:25,920 No. 235 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,160 The damn deer keep eating my crops. 236 00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:30,960 You know, I got a guy who can install a spiked fence for you. 237 00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:32,200 A spiked fence? 238 00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:34,560 Uh, sounds a little extreme. Does it work? 239 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:36,760 Oh yeah, big time, okay? That's why they're illegal. 240 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:37,880 They're illegal? 241 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:40,160 Well, only because the snowflakes you elect 242 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:41,880 claim they're "inhumane." 243 00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:44,640 Okay, well anything that'll harm animals is out of the question. 244 00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:46,080 Nah, nah, nah. It's just a deterrent. 245 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:48,560 Like a, uh, spiky metal scarecrow. 246 00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:49,640 Yeah, thanks but no thanks. 247 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:51,520 I'll just stick with, uh, peppermint oil. 248 00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:53,000 Pfft. Wasting your money. 249 00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:53,920 What do you mean? 250 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,880 Doesn't work on a deer in South Jersey, okay? 251 00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:57,920 The animals here are stubborn ***. 252 00:08:58,000 --> 00:08:59,600 No respect for property. 253 00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:02,160 Excuse me. Get the hell out of my hot tub. 254 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:07,600 Pfft. Unbelievable. 255 00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:10,280 Frickin' deer all over the roads and none in the forest. 256 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:11,240 You know what? 257 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:14,000 I know a perfect spot where a ton of deer hang out. 258 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:16,600 But we gotta go a little deeper in the woods. 259 00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:19,040 Eh, I don't know. I feel like we should head back. 260 00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:19,800 You know, it's getting kind of late. 261 00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:21,280 Whoa, whoa, whoa! You can't leave! 262 00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:24,800 I-I mean... we should camp out, right? 263 00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:27,240 Look, I got a tent, I got a whole set up. It'll be great. 264 00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:30,160 Aw, hell yeah. A little overnight hunting trip with the boys. 265 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:31,280 What do you say, Hank? 266 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:32,840 Uh... I'm pretty hungry. 267 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:35,760 Hank, what do you say you and me do a little foraging, yeah? 268 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:38,120 You know, a lot of people say that mushrooms are the 269 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:39,680 hot dogs of the forest. 270 00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:41,320 Oh yeah? Okay. 271 00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:44,040 Yo, there we go! There we go, Hanky Hank! 272 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:46,000 Yeah, alright, Doug, Doug, just let me call the wife. 273 00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:47,520 Uh, I gotta let her know we're sleeping out tonight. 274 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:48,960 No, no, no, no, you can't! 275 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:54,400 Well, I mean... who needs to call their wife? 276 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:56,240 We're just hanging out. 277 00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:58,600 Pfft, oka--Doug, I got news for you, okay? 278 00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:00,560 If I camp out here with you and don't tell her, 279 00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:02,080 I'm literally gonna get murdered. 280 00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:05,800 Okay, uh... just maybe don't mention you're with me, please? 281 00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:07,320 Don't worry, I got you. 282 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:12,160 She was the life of the party. 283 00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:15,640 Her smile would light up a room, but little did she know. 284 00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:17,120 Oh yeah, she's dead. 285 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,400 She's freakin' dead. 286 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,200 Hey hun... What's up? 287 00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:22,760 Hey uh, just wanna let you know 288 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:24,960 I'm gonna be camping outtonight with uh, Hank and Doug. 289 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:25,920 Ah, crap! 290 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,960 Doug? As in Doug Davidson? 291 00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:30,840 No, no, uh, Doug, uh, Doug Peterson. 292 00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:32,280 The old Eagles coach? 293 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:34,760 Uh, yeah, yeah, that's whom. Alright listen, 294 00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:36,600 okay, Tam, I'm with Doug, okay? 295 00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:37,880 But just keep it on the DL, okay? 296 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:39,200 He doesn't want anyone to know he's out here. 297 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:40,840 Uh, yeah, you know why? 298 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:42,640 Because he's a murderer, you idiot! 299 00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:45,000 Okay, calm down. He's not a murderer. 300 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:47,200 He's a good guy and he needs friends right now. 301 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:48,680 Mark! I'm telling ya, 302 00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:50,440 I've been checking out his Facebook. 303 00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:52,120 Look at some of the pages he likes. 304 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:55,920 O.J. Simpson, Chris Benoit, Oscar Pistorius. 305 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,640 Okay, so the guy likes sports. I mean-- 306 00:10:57,720 --> 00:11:01,120 No, Mark! He likes athletes who killed their frickin' wives! 307 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:02,960 Oh, please, okay? You like Michael Jackson 308 00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:04,600 doesn't mean you go around boinking kids. 309 00:11:04,680 --> 00:11:05,920 Mark, listen to me. 310 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:08,960 You and your brother need to get your asses outta there and call the cops! 311 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:11,280 Okay, I hear you. I got you. Okay, let me talk to the guys. 312 00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:14,080 No! Do not talk to the guys about it! 313 00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:20,000 Ooh! What about that one? 314 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:21,840 Ooh, that's a beauty, Hank. 315 00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:22,720 Good pick. 316 00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:25,120 You sure it's not like, uh, poison? 317 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:26,160 Not at all. 318 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:28,040 In fact, those are my favorite. 319 00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:29,320 I eat them all the time. 320 00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:31,000 Hmm... 321 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:35,760 Oh. 322 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:38,160 Someone left a perfectly good knife in that tree. 323 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:41,360 Oh... uh... yeah. Nice. 324 00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:43,520 Yeah, I don't know if I can eat this. 325 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:45,560 Looks just like the guy from Mario Kart. 326 00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:47,080 But, uh, you know, you should have it. 327 00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:48,960 Oh, no, no, I'm good, thanks. 328 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:50,400 Oh, come on, I insist. 329 00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:52,240 You said you eat these mushrooms all the time 330 00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:53,920 and that these are your favorite. 331 00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:58,760 Right. I... um... fine, yeah. Sure. 332 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:01,160 Mmm. 333 00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:02,760 Yummy. 334 00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:05,120 Would you excuse me for just a second? 335 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,440 Good news guys. Talked to the wife. 336 00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:09,560 We are all clear for camping. 337 00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:10,880 Hey, what's up with him? 338 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:14,240 Hey Mark, can I uh, talk to you for a second? 339 00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:15,280 What's up? 340 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,680 I have some concerns about Doug. 341 00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:20,800 I think he's bulimic. 342 00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:27,040 Oh, come on. Shoo! 343 00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:28,760 Go! Get out of here! 344 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:30,640 Swear to God, buddy. 345 00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:32,120 Don't make me use the peppermint spray. 346 00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:34,480 You'll be smelling like Christmas for weeks. 347 00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:46,760 Sorry. I'm sorry. 348 00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:56,080 Mr Jinglebells. 349 00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:59,960 Hi. Yeah, so, uh, about that spiky fence. 350 00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:06,400 So she really thinks Doug did it, eh? 351 00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:08,040 Yo, no, she's nuts, okay? 352 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:09,760 She saw one thing on his Facebook page 353 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:11,160 and now she's frickin' Columbo. 354 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:13,280 I don't know, Mark didn't like his, uh, first wife die 355 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:14,400 in a weird way or something? 356 00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:15,520 No, not at all, okay? 357 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:17,840 She, uh, I think she fell down the stairs or something. 358 00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:21,480 Poor guy, if anyone appreciates having a wife, it's gotta be Doug. 359 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:24,120 Did you hear that? Shh, shh, shh... 360 00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:34,160 Oh, boy. 361 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:36,600 Uh, is he dead? 362 00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:37,560 Hank, would you relax? 363 00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:39,080 Okay, this is just a little hunting accident. 364 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:40,000 It happens all the time. 365 00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:42,240 Hey, Doug. Doug, you good? 366 00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:44,840 Okay, don't worry, pal. 367 00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:46,760 Just got uh, the wind knocked out of you, okay? 368 00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:47,720 No big deal. 369 00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:49,600 Uh, should we call 9-1-1 or? 370 00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:55,040 Ehh. Yeah, probably. 371 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:56,760 Ah, crap. Phone's dead. 372 00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:58,600 Yo, Hank, what uh... percentage you at? 373 00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:00,200 I don't know. Won't turn on. 374 00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:03,240 Hmm. Looks like we're gonna have to do this the old fashioned way. 375 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,640 Like a surgery with sticks or something? 376 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:06,560 Hmm... 377 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:09,120 You know what, nah. 378 00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:10,720 I think we gotta, we gotta go get help. 379 00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:13,800 What the hell kind of fence is this? 380 00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:15,880 Eh, it's just a deterrent to keep deer out. 381 00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:16,960 It's hideous. 382 00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:18,000 I don't know, I kind of like it. 383 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:20,520 It's got kind of a Game of Thrones vibe. 384 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:22,600 -Ugh. -Listen, I have no choice. 385 00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:24,040 TheSunrise Philadelphia people are coming 386 00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:26,760 and the entire tri-state area is going to see my garden, okay? 387 00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:28,760 No one's going to buy a gardening book from a man 388 00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:30,160 with nibbled eggplants. 389 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:31,760 How much is this thing going to cost? 390 00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:34,320 Oh, it's Mernft Man's friend. He's doing it as a favor. 391 00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:35,920 Eight thousand dollars. 392 00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:38,400 Eight thou-- You mean eight thousand rubles? 393 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:39,360 -No. -You know. 394 00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:42,080 Okay well look, our fence budget is only two thousand dollars. 395 00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:43,800 Eight thousand dollars! 396 00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:45,800 Okay yes, sure. Sorry, no problem. 397 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:47,680 Uh... you know what? I'm gonna go get my checkbook. 398 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:48,640 Cash. 399 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:51,200 I don't have eight thousand dollars in cash on me! 400 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:52,560 Okay listen, David, okay? 401 00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:53,920 I know your people love a bargain, 402 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:55,760 but you can't negotiate with these guys, okay? 403 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:57,680 He's like full-on Russian mob. 404 00:14:57,760 --> 00:14:58,600 Oh, my God! 405 00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,640 You know what, I'm gonna run to the bank. Alright? 406 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:02,120 Eight thousand? Great, no problem. 407 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:03,920 David, I have to go to work. 408 00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:05,520 Just... I'll be right back. 409 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:10,160 So... uh, should we be worried about rust or anything? 410 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:11,480 Rust good. 411 00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:13,440 Give enemies tetanus. 412 00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:18,520 Eh, you sure we're going the right way, Mark? 413 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:20,680 We've been walking for like 16 hours. 414 00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:21,760 Yes, Hank, you see this? 415 00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:24,000 Moss only grows on the north side of trees. 416 00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:25,920 So what you do is you just follow the moss, 417 00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:29,400 and it'll take you to-- Takes you in a straight line. Okay? 418 00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:31,640 Yeah, but that tree has moss all around it. 419 00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:33,680 Holy crap, Hank! 420 00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:35,280 It's a freakin' deer city! 421 00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:38,760 Oh, yeah. Too bad we gotta get help for Doug. 422 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:40,880 He's fine, Hank, okay? He's a survivalist. 423 00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:43,600 Not dying is like, that's like their one rule. 424 00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:45,720 This might be our only chance to bag a buck. 425 00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:47,680 If I come back from an overnight hunting trip with 426 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:50,440 no frickin' meat, pfft, I'm never gonna hear end of it. 427 00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:54,160 Dammit! 428 00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:56,320 Hank, it's freakin' empty! Where are the arrows? 429 00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:58,920 Oh crap, I think they're uh, still in Doug. 430 00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:01,360 God, well I didn't want to have to do this, 431 00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:04,160 but you left me no choice Hank, okay? This is on you. 432 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:07,280 Woah, you sure it's ethical to use a grenade on a deer? 433 00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:08,960 Oh yeah, very ethical. 434 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:12,000 Instant death, no suffering. Plus they die together, 435 00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:13,440 so they go to heaven together. 436 00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:14,240 True. 437 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:17,240 Alright, this is it. For all the money. 438 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,640 Oh crap! Fire in the hole! Let's go go go go! 439 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:36,440 Welcome back to Sunrise Philadelphia. 440 00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:38,400 Denise, are you into gardening? 441 00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:40,080 Oh, no, Howard, 442 00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:42,560 the only time my thumb is green is when I'm using it 443 00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:43,960 to call my landscaper! 444 00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:48,720 Well, our own Tracy Mummers is live in Glantontown 445 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:52,160 to show us why they call New Jersey the Garden State. 446 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:53,120 Thanks, Howard! 447 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:55,040 I'm here with David Jinglebells, 448 00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:58,680 author of A New Leaf: My Journey into Sustainable Gardening. 449 00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:01,960 David, can we start with a little tour of your beautiful garden here? 450 00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:03,080 Great, sure, yeah! 451 00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:05,240 So first up we have a local staple. 452 00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:06,800 This is the Jersey tomato. 453 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:09,800 Oh yes. Love those in a Caprese salad. 454 00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:11,520 And look at these eggplants. 455 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:12,440 Impressive. 456 00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:13,960 Oh, well thank you very much! 457 00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:15,800 Yeah, these are actually Japanese eggplants, 458 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:18,240 which are a fantastic meat substitute. 459 00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:20,600 You get the texture of meat, but without the murder. 460 00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:21,560 Oh! 461 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:23,480 Oh, wow. 462 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:27,040 I think a deer just got stuck on your fence. 463 00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:30,680 Oh, God! Oh, no! 464 00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:34,480 Oh, God! Please-- 465 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:37,840 Oh, deer. 466 00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:39,520 That's not good. 467 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,400 Ah, frickin' A. I think we're back at the campsite. 468 00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:47,880 Wait, did we just walk all the way around the Earth? 469 00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:50,880 Look, Doug's getting help! 470 00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:57,080 Yeah, uh. I think he's dead, Hank. 471 00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:58,400 Oh, jeez. 472 00:17:58,480 --> 00:17:59,360 Hank, I killed the guy. 473 00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:01,520 I freaking killed the guy, okay? I'm going to jail. 474 00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:03,080 Maybe Tammy was right. 475 00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:04,800 Yeah, about Doug killing Janine? 476 00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:07,600 No, about bow hu-- Wait a minute. Yeah. 477 00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,880 Yeah! About Doug killing Janine! 478 00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:13,440 Cause if Doug did it, then I didn't just kill some guy... 479 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:14,680 I killed a murderer! 480 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:16,400 Doug is obviously a frickin' murderer! 481 00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:17,960 Okay, how's that for ethical? 482 00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:21,000 Forget bow hunter, I'm a bounty hunter. 483 00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:22,040 Wait, where you going? 484 00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:24,440 Where you think I'm going? To get my reward! 485 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:29,480 Yo, clean up on aisle five, right? 486 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:30,800 Who the hell are you? 487 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:32,680 How you doin', uh Mark Hoagies. Bounty hunter. 488 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:34,720 Okay buddy well this is an active crime scene. 489 00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:35,960 Are you authorized to be here? 490 00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:38,480 I mean considering this is my handiwork, yeah I'd say so. 491 00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:41,120 Hold on. Are you confessing to killing this guy? 492 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:43,320 I prefer to call it neutralizing a murderer. 493 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:44,880 But yes, that is correct. 494 00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:51,280 Well, Hoagies, uh your little brother over there told us everything. 495 00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:53,640 *** sold me out for a hot dog! 496 00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:54,480 Unbelievable. 497 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:56,920 He says you accidentally shot Doug, 498 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,840 which by the way, is still a serious crime. 499 00:18:59,920 --> 00:19:00,680 Dammit, Hank. 500 00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:03,160 But, he also gathered the smoking gun evidence 501 00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:05,000 we needed to close this case. 502 00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:07,320 Or should I say, smoking knife? 503 00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:09,680 He found a knife in a tree with Janine's blood. 504 00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:12,000 So how about we agree this was self defense 505 00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:13,400 and call it a day, eh? 506 00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:15,280 Hmmm. Self defense? 507 00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:16,760 Interesting. 508 00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:18,400 How would that affect the reward money? 509 00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:20,400 Your reward is not going to jail. 510 00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:23,080 Now get the hell out of here before I change my mind. 511 00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:24,560 Deal. 512 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:26,720 Hey, Mernft, uh, you think your Russian friend could 513 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:28,120 throw me up there too? 514 00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:30,160 Come on, David, it's fine, okay? 515 00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:33,320 The world's a better place with, uh, uh, 15 or so less deer in it. 516 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,160 Well, at least your eggplants are intact. 517 00:19:42,360 --> 00:19:45,240 Andrea, this Caprese salad is wonderful. 518 00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:46,960 Thank you. Better be. 519 00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:48,960 Those are eight thousand dollar tomatoes. 520 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:52,040 And this deer kebab is hot dog quality let me tell you. 521 00:19:52,120 --> 00:19:53,200 Uh, thanks? 522 00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:54,600 Yeah David. You killed it. 523 00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:56,520 Believe me, I am aware Mark. 524 00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:58,160 You gotta try it David, come on. 525 00:19:58,480 --> 00:19:59,800 Sure, why not. 526 00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:02,720 Hmm. Not bad, actually. 527 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:06,480 Wow. And thus ends David's four month vegetarian adventure. 528 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:08,600 I mean, it feels like it would be unethical 529 00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:10,840 not to eat it at this point. Right, Mark? 530 00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:13,400 Actually David, you'll be happy to know that I no longer 531 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:14,960 hunt innocent creatures... 532 00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:17,000 only obviously guilty ones. 533 00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:19,120 I am a bounty hunter now. 534 00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:21,320 Oh, give me a break! No he's not. 535 00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:22,440 Yes I am, Tam. 536 00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:23,560 I think this is my calling. 537 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:26,880 Okay, Mark. For legal reasons, why don't we discuss this later. 538 00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:29,720 So, uh, what happened to the rest of the deer? 539 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:32,280 Oh uh... Mernft Man actually took 'em. 540 00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:33,800 Oh, my God. 541 00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:36,000 Are you frickin' kidding me?