1 00:00:01,040 --> 00:00:02,640 Man, sure is nice up here. 2 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:06,520 Let me tell you my man, any day at thirty thousand feet is a good one. 3 00:00:06,880 --> 00:00:08,720 Looks like we're getting some light chop. 4 00:00:09,040 --> 00:00:11,480 Descending to twenty-eight to get out of it. 5 00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:15,160 You know what Hank? Why don't we just take this puppy in for a landing? 6 00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:16,400 Aye aye, Captain. 7 00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:19,080 But first, we're doing a barrel roll. 8 00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:21,520 - You sure, Mark? - You're damn right I'm sure. 9 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:22,920 It's my signature move, okay? 10 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:25,200 Every great pilot has a signature move. 11 00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:27,600 Sully Sullenberger, he's a river lander. 12 00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:29,440 Maverick, he buzzes towers. 13 00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:32,040 And Mark Hoagies, he does a barrel roll. 14 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:33,440 Here we go baby! 15 00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:36,440 Doing a barrel roll, let's gooooo! 16 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:38,320 - Beautiful Mark. - Hell Yeah! 17 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:40,120 Great balls of fire baby! 18 00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:42,400 Damnit, Mark -- I've been looking all over for you! 19 00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:44,720 Tam, not now. Not now! Oh crap. Oh crap, 20 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:46,480 no no no no no no no no no. 21 00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:51,560 You almost had it that time. 22 00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:53,760 Dammit, Tam -- ugh I was in the zone. 23 00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:55,200 What the hell are you doing, Mark? 24 00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:57,120 We gotta be out the door in thirty minutes 25 00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:59,040 and you're playing fricken' video games! Come on. 26 00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:02,840 This is not a video game, Tam, this is a flight simulator. 27 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:04,720 Okay, this is a serious training tool. 28 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:08,240 Okay well it looks to me like a guy messing around instead of packing. 29 00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:09,800 I don't even understand why we gotta go to this 30 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:12,320 stupid funeral in the first place, okay? You barely know the guy. 31 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:14,680 Yeah Mark, that's because he's your uncle. 32 00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:16,600 Can't miss your uncle's funeral, Mark. 33 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,720 You know he's your uncle too, Hank. 34 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:20,920 Oh no, I better go pack. 35 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:55,640 Miss, you have to take your shoes off. 36 00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:57,440 Oh come on. They're flip-flops. 37 00:01:57,520 --> 00:01:58,880 You can see my feet. 38 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,280 Geez, lady just take your fricken shoes off. 39 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:03,400 Okay, Passenger 57, will you relax? 40 00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:05,640 Okay, we're not even on the plane yet and you're about to make a scene. 41 00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:08,760 I just don't understand why people gotta be so rude at the airport. 42 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:10,280 Well with all due respect Tam, 43 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:12,200 you're the one who was on the No Fly List. 44 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:14,960 Yeah because I actually stand up to these jerks. 45 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:17,240 Sorry I have a strong sense of airport justice. 46 00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:18,720 You broke someone's arm, Tam. 47 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:20,760 I didn't break his arm. I broke his pinky. 48 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:23,320 And the middle seat gets the armrest. Everybody knows that! 49 00:02:23,640 --> 00:02:24,960 Sigh...Alright alright. 50 00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:27,320 I promise you I'm not gonna make a scene today. 51 00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:30,680 Oh crap! We gotta go. The flight's boarding. Where's Hank? 52 00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:33,200 Heyo Hank, what's the hold up? 53 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:35,640 - I don't know. - Okay. Well we'll see you at the gate. 54 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:37,840 Uh... hey boss? 55 00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:39,800 You might want to take a look at this. 56 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:43,240 Oh look at this. 57 00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:45,600 It is so great to get out of Westchester for the weekend 58 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:47,960 and show the kids a normal town with, like, 59 00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:50,280 chain restaurants and stuff. 60 00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:52,880 This area actually has a ton of great spots. 61 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:54,440 You know I specifically chose this place 62 00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:57,200 for their table-side guacamole presentation. 63 00:02:57,440 --> 00:02:58,680 Thought the kids would get a kick out of it. 64 00:02:58,840 --> 00:02:59,800 Hey Aiden and Ava, look-- 65 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:03,480 he's making our guacamole according to the ancient Mexican 66 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:05,760 customs of the Nahuatl people. 67 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:07,400 - Isn't that right? - I don't know. 68 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:08,320 Sure. 69 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:13,560 Ugh, your sister's raising some real screenagers over there. 70 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:16,520 - What's that David? - Oh I was just saying that... 71 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:20,160 maybe Aiden and Ava could put their phones down for a bit. 72 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:22,840 - You know? Experience Glantontown? - Oh really? 73 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,200 You know, I can't wait for you to have kids some day. 74 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:27,160 - You and me both... - Okay, David. 75 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:28,040 Here's an idea: 76 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:30,040 how about you take your niece and nephew out for a day 77 00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:32,080 with no screens and we'll see how you do. 78 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:33,800 Then we can talk about having kids. 79 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,080 I love that idea. 80 00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:36,360 Okay. Yeah. That sounds great. 81 00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:38,640 And if they have a good time, which they will, 82 00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:39,960 maybe you'll consider... 83 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:42,040 -"pulling the goalie?" - The what? 84 00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:44,120 The, uh... IUD? 85 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:45,200 Yeah sure. 86 00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:46,880 As long as you stop calling that stuff 87 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,560 "Gwah-Kah-Moh-Lay." 88 00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:50,160 Hey what do you think, guys? 89 00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:52,520 Excited for your big day with Uncle David? 90 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:53,480 No. 91 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:55,120 Come on. 92 00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:57,040 Sorry for the delay, ladies and gentleman. 93 00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:59,040 We can't taxi until everyone is seated 94 00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:01,480 - with their seatbelts fastened-Ma'am, - can I check that for you? 95 00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:03,640 How about you check your attitude? 96 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:05,200 Mark, you see this woman? 97 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:08,440 - First with the flip-flops and now this. - Unbelievable. 98 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:10,560 Tam, remember what Dr. Lorefice said: 99 00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:11,960 when you feel the rage, 100 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:14,800 you take a deep breath and you distract yourself, okay? 101 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:18,600 Ooooh look there, they got the new Magic Mike, your favorite. 102 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:21,040 Oh I do love my Channing Taters. 103 00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:26,040 Are you kiddin' me? 104 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,800 - What? - You can't bring peanuts on a flight no more! 105 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:31,320 Oh come on. They had peanuts on flights for like 200 years 106 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:32,520 and nobody got sick 107 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:34,800 and now all of a sudden every kid's allergic to them? 108 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:35,840 Ridiculous. 109 00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:38,000 They are"the snack of the sky!" 110 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:39,720 Sigh! 111 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:42,800 You want me to teach animals how to strip? 112 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:44,920 They're already naked, Mike. 113 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:47,000 You just have to teach them how to dance. 114 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,600 Sir, I have to ask you a couple of questions. 115 00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:54,120 - Did you pack this bag yourself? - Yeah. 116 00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:57,280 Did you at any time leave your bag unattended? 117 00:04:57,560 --> 00:04:58,680 Uh...no. 118 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:01,720 And did you accept anything from another passenger? 119 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:03,720 Uh... no. 120 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:06,600 Alright, buddy, then tell me what's goin' on here. 121 00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:09,560 What are you doing with 100 pounds of hotdogs? 122 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:11,200 You smuggling this meat? 123 00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:12,840 No, I just like hot dogs. 124 00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:14,160 Yeah, you and me both buddy, 125 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:17,120 but I never thought to pack 800 of them in a suitcase. 126 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:19,000 I don't know what the hell you're up to, 127 00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:21,040 but whatever it is, it ain't kosher. 128 00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:22,560 No, they actually are kosher. 129 00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:25,200 Oh we got a comedian over here! 130 00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:31,080 Well it's not illegal to bring meat on a plane. 131 00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:32,720 I mean maybe he's just a nut job. 132 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,240 You know who else was crazy? 133 00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:35,680 Ted Kaczynski. 134 00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:37,800 So this guy's what, the"Hot Dog Bomber?" 135 00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:39,800 Hot dogs are packed with nitrates. 136 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:41,640 You know what else was packed with nitrates? 137 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,760 The Port of Beirut right before it exploded. 138 00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:46,880 Get me Quantico. 139 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:52,160 Top shelf flight so far, Captain. 140 00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:53,800 Well thank you. Appreciate that. 141 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:57,840 Yeah, real smooth take off. Nice rotation. Excellent job. 142 00:05:57,920 --> 00:05:59,520 Well thanks. You a pilot yourself? 143 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:01,000 - I dabble. - Oh yeah? 144 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:03,160 - What do you fly? - Oh man, pfft. 145 00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:06,840 I mean I've flown commercial, C-130s, F-14s, 146 00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:09,760 DHC-4 Caribous... I mean if it's in the sky, 147 00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:10,840 I've flown it. You know what I mean? 148 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:13,760 Well, I'll be damned! That is some serious equipment. 149 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:16,080 You wanna pop into the cockpit, talk a little shop? 150 00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:17,680 Oh hell yeah, I-- that'd be great. 151 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:22,160 Yeah, we're not supposed to do this but, ah what the heck. 152 00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:24,360 9/11 was a long time ago, you know? 153 00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:30,480 Oh, now you take them off. 154 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:33,480 Um... Ma'am? 155 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:34,400 Would you mind just, like, 156 00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:36,680 using headphones or turning the sound off? 157 00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:38,600 It's a free country. 158 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:40,600 "Candy Smash". 159 00:06:41,280 --> 00:06:43,680 Dear God... please give me the strength not to beat 160 00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:45,520 the living daylights out of this woman. 161 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:47,600 Yeah just last week I was flying a modified. 162 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:49,800 XF-85 Goblin over the Sahara. 163 00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:51,360 Got that puppy to sonic boom. 164 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:53,960 Let me tell you, the Camels, they were friggin crappin' themselves. 165 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:56,160 This guy knows what I'm talking about! 166 00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:58,400 - Oh my god. - And you think that's something, 167 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:01,240 I once took a Warthog over the Ho Chi Minh Trail. 168 00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:04,040 I was like... deh-deh-deh-deh-deh-deh. 169 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:04,800 Oh yeah? 170 00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:07,400 I flew A-10s in Desert Storm. 171 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,320 I didn't realize they were used in. 172 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:11,040 Aren't you a little young for Vietnam? 173 00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:12,400 Oh yeah, but I love history. 174 00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:14,440 Let me tell you, I was doing a World War Two 175 00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:16,920 bombing mission and I was supposed to take out some oil refinery, 176 00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:18,160 but get this okay-- 177 00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:20,360 I took the B-2 over Berlin 178 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:22,760 and dropped the full payload on the furherbunker man. 179 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:25,000 - Wiped Germany off the friggin map. - Oh yeah? 180 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:27,520 You flew a stealth bomber in World War Two? 181 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:30,560 Yeah looks like you got a nasty cumulonimbus over there. 182 00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:32,280 You might wanna yaw to the left a bit. 183 00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:34,560 Captain, you gonna yaw, or... 184 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:37,880 Oh crap, yo this guy's havin' a heart attack. 185 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:40,560 - Wait, are you eating peanuts? - Oh you know it! 186 00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:42,080 Snack of the skies, baby! Right? 187 00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:43,240 He's allergic to peanuts! 188 00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:45,360 Get the EpiPen outta the first aid kit! 189 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:47,280 Got it! 190 00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:48,600 Here you go dude. 191 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:51,280 Not me, you idiot! 192 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:53,600 Oh. Uh... Well, you switched seats, okay. 193 00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:56,280 You can't be doing that when you're wearing the same uniform. 194 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:00,960 Okay, now that's a heart attack. 195 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:04,120 "Okay." 196 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:07,240 "All this person has to do is live in a tree for one year! 197 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:08,560 What they don't know is... 198 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:10,400 I'm gonna set the tree on fire" 199 00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:12,800 Okay guys, I think it's time to put our phones away. 200 00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:15,680 Perhaps today we experience some things IRL? 201 00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:17,360 You're going to regret this Uncle David. 202 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:18,280 No, 203 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:20,400 you're gonna regret wasting your entire youth 204 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:22,920 staring at a little screen instead of being present. 205 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:25,600 I know you're just doing this so Aunt Andrea takes out her IUD. 206 00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:27,520 Wait. What? No! 207 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:29,160 I just want to show you guys a good time. 208 00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:30,880 Well, you're not off to a great start. 209 00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:33,160 What are you talking about? You're getting a sweet treat. 210 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:34,680 I want ice cream. 211 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:36,560 Well water ice is a local favorite 212 00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:38,440 and also happens to be less fattening. 213 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:40,520 Are you calling me fat? You're body shaming me. 214 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:43,040 Oh my god no-- you have a great body-- 215 00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:44,240 wait... no. I mean-- 216 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:47,400 - you're a beautiful girl. You're beau-- - Ew. So sus. 217 00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:49,800 Why is it called water ice? That's a dumb name. 218 00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:52,400 Yes, I agree okay it makes no sense, but I mean c'mon, 219 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:54,160 look at all these fun flavors right there. 220 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:56,080 My favorite flavor is birthday cake ice cream. 221 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:58,440 I don't see that option, so I'm going to try root beer. 222 00:08:58,600 --> 00:08:59,800 It better be good. 223 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,400 Hey there David! Medium cherry bordeaux? 224 00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:03,680 Haha, you know it. 225 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:05,200 And how about this little fella? 226 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,480 - What is that? - My order. 227 00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:08,560 Why are you writing it down? 228 00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:10,680 In case he's deaf. What're you, ableist? 229 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:13,000 He's not deaf. You just watched him take my order. 230 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:14,160 Oh, give me that. 231 00:09:15,560 --> 00:09:16,680 Aaand we are leaving-- 232 00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:19,880 Flight 179er can we get a status check? 233 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:21,320 Noticed you lost some altitude. 234 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:22,600 This is 179er. 235 00:09:22,680 --> 00:09:25,200 Yeah we actually lost a couple of pilots, too. But all good, 236 00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:27,040 Captain Mark Hoagies is in the saddle. 237 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,200 179er. Say again over -- 238 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:31,040 did you say you lost a couple pilots? 239 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:32,400 Uh... where'd they go? 240 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:34,320 Uh tower, they're actually in heaven. 241 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:36,800 Although the one copilot was kinda mean he might be in hell, 242 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:37,760 but they are both dead. 243 00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:39,400 Uh say-- What... 244 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:41,160 Wait they're dead? 245 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:44,440 Uh looking at them, I wanna say affirmative. Yes, affirmative. 246 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:46,600 Very sad. Very sad. Gone but not forgotten. 247 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:49,320 179er. Can you confirm you have flying experience? 248 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:51,440 Oh yeah big time--I mean affirmative. 249 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:53,120 I'm actually a very legitimate pilot. 250 00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:56,440 Passengers are actually very lucky that I am on this plane--aircraft. 251 00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:58,560 So you've flown a 737 before? 252 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:00,520 Affirmative. Requesting permission to tell you 253 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,120 about all the cool planes I've flown. 254 00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:03,440 Uh yeah I don't need-- 255 00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:04,840 Let's not worry about that. 256 00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:06,960 Right now we're gonna talk you through an emergency landing. 257 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:08,400 Permission denied. I'm good. 258 00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:09,760 The hell is this guy-- 259 00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:13,680 179er. I need you to confirm that autopilot is engaged? 260 00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:17,080 Oh, good point, yeah. Confirmed, autopilot is engaged. 261 00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:19,760 - Turning it off now. - No sir, do not disengage au-- 262 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:20,880 Yeah, sorry tower, 263 00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:22,720 robots ain't taking this job from me. 264 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:24,400 179er I need you to enga-- 265 00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:27,240 Hey, goin' dark for a minute gotta check the score of the Birds game. 266 00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:31,720 And he dives forward for another Eagles first down! 267 00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:32,680 Hell yeah. 268 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:37,040 Ooh thanks. 269 00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:38,080 Mm. 270 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:40,760 So Hank, we're just trying to understand what's going on. 271 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:42,000 Where were you headed today? 272 00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:44,160 - A funeral. - Yeah sounds about right. 273 00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:46,200 - Where's the funeral? - It's in Florida. 274 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:48,200 You know they got hot dogs down there too, pal. 275 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:50,280 You can buy hot dogs in Florida. 276 00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:52,600 Yeah, I know, I was gonna refill for the trip back. 277 00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:53,840 Here's what I don't get. 278 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:55,920 Where's the buns? The mustard? 279 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,240 Oh right here. 280 00:10:57,440 --> 00:11:00,400 - Oh my god! Bomb! - Hit the deck! Go go go go go! 281 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:11,200 He's clean. Just condiments and buns. 282 00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:13,400 Alright, no criminal record. 283 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:14,960 No terrorist affiliations. 284 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:17,640 According to Facebook he's only in one group: 285 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:19,720 Hot Dog Lovers of Glantontown. 286 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:20,960 Ugh, there's just no link. 287 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:23,680 The Hell are you talking about There's 800 damn links! 288 00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:25,760 Ugh, this one's above my pay grade. 289 00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:27,800 Put me through to the Pentagon. 290 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:30,720 - This is boring. - No, no. 291 00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:32,000 You're just overstimulated. 292 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:33,360 If you actually pay attention 293 00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:36,000 you'll find that nature is the opposite of boring. 294 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:39,520 - Can I just have my phone. - No. But you can have this. 295 00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:41,640 - Is that a piece of bread? - Yes. 296 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:44,080 Because we are gonna feed the ducks. 297 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:46,680 You shouldn't feed ducks bread. It's bad for them. 298 00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:47,960 You should feed them corn. 299 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:49,800 - Oh yeah, you're a duck expert? - Yes. 300 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,160 Ducks have been my favorite animal since I've been a kid 301 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,360 and frankly I'm a little disappointed that you, 302 00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:56,000 as my uncle, did not know that. 303 00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:56,920 Uh...pfft... 304 00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:58,600 Of course I knew that. 305 00:11:58,680 --> 00:11:59,600 That's why we're here. 306 00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:03,080 Uncle David I really want cousins, but you're making this difficult... 307 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:06,960 Oh! It's Andrea. Okay, pretend you're having fun. Smile! 308 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:08,840 Hahaha, hi babe. 309 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:11,800 Just checking in to see how Uncle David Day is coming along. 310 00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:13,120 Oh it's going great! 311 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,680 We're at the park right now, we're just feeding the ducks, 312 00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:17,040 you know, Ava's favorite animal. 313 00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:18,560 I literally just told him that. 314 00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:20,080 He's actually trying to malnourish them. 315 00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:22,040 No, we're just goofin' around, you know. 316 00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:25,880 Look at Aiden oh he's so cute, we were laughing so hard before. 317 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:28,080 And he's really connecting with these ducks right over there. 318 00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:29,320 Here ducky ducky. 319 00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:31,320 Yeet! 320 00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:34,240 - Oh my god! - Oh, David, did he just ki-- 321 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:37,000 "It's not my fault she got kicked by a Zebra. 322 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:38,280 I said"no touching." 323 00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:43,280 Excuse me? Would you mind moving your hair? 324 00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:45,040 It's blocking my movie. 325 00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:49,040 Oh alright, that's how you wanna play it? 326 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:50,400 Watch this. 327 00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:57,440 179er, we need to discuss some procedures. 328 00:12:57,520 --> 00:13:00,840 First off let's avoid using radio comms for sports scores-- 329 00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:02,600 we're trying to get you safely on the ground, okay? 330 00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:06,320 Ah, This is 179er requesting you ease up on the micromanagement, thanks. 331 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:07,960 This is standard procedure, sir. 332 00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:10,240 Okay well, this situation is totally under control, 333 00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:12,880 okay. These planes are basically un-crashable. Let's be real. 334 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,360 Sir, that is not true. 335 00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:15,920 - I need you to please listen-- - Oh come on everybody knows 336 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:17,680 half these buttons don't even do anything. Okay, watch. 337 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:19,200 Bupabubaduboo. 338 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:20,720 Sir do not do that- 339 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:29,320 See? All good. 340 00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:31,960 I know you're stressed but maybe that's why you're on the ground 341 00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:33,600 - and I'm up here. - Let me tell you something. 342 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:35,920 In thirty years, I have never lost an aircraft. 343 00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:38,280 This moron better not end my streak. 344 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:39,440 He's a pilot, sir. 345 00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:42,240 And he's the best chance we've got to get this bird down safely. 346 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:44,480 Then find me someone who can get through to him. 347 00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:48,720 Do you know who I am? 348 00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:50,160 No. 349 00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:52,520 I'm the guy you don't want to meet. 350 00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:53,760 Hi. 351 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,760 You ever hear of Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi? 352 00:13:56,960 --> 00:14:00,480 Self-proclaimed caliph of ISIS and all-around human scumbag? 353 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:02,400 Well I'm the guy who dug the tunnel under the 354 00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:04,960 Al-Hajarah desert to smoke that *** out. 355 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:07,520 And then I called in the airstrike. 356 00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,920 You know the last I heard they found one of his teeth in Kut. 357 00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:16,360 Well Hank, 358 00:14:16,560 --> 00:14:18,280 looks like it's your lucky day. 359 00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:19,920 Mr. Hoagies, follow me. 360 00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:24,600 Low Fuel, Low Fuel. 361 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:26,320 Am I hearing a low fuel warning? 362 00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:27,760 Say again... sorry, 363 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:29,760 havin' trouble hearing you over all these alarms. 364 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:32,200 - I think your plane is glitchy. - State your fuel! 365 00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:34,880 Uhhh, looks like just under five hundo. 366 00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:37,520 Say again please: did you say Five-Zero-Zero? 367 00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:40,880 Affirmative. We're good. Got five hundred liter...quarts... 368 00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:42,200 got five hundred. 369 00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:43,480 We got five hundred fuels. 370 00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:44,520 Dear God, 371 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:47,320 this moron is five minutes away from being a hang glider. 372 00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:48,720 Okay listen, pal. 373 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:51,080 You need to land this thing now! 374 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:53,680 Confirm auto-land is engaged. 375 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:56,760 - Negative tower. We're doing it live. - No you idiot! 376 00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:58,680 Knock it off with this cowboy crap. 377 00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:01,240 Tower this is 179er requesting permission to speak 378 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:02,520 to someone a little more professional. 379 00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:03,920 Gah! I gotta tell ya. 380 00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:07,080 I've dealt with a lot of jackass pilots before, but this guy... 381 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:08,440 this guy is impossible. 382 00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:09,640 He won't listen to me. 383 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:11,760 But he might listen to him. 384 00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:20,640 - Hey Mark. - Hank? Is that you? 385 00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:22,120 I thought you were on the plane. 386 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:23,680 Nah. Long story. 387 00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:25,320 Yo guess what I'm doing right now?! 388 00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:26,560 Uh...flying a plane? 389 00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:29,080 Oh yeah baby. Flying a plane. 390 00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:31,200 - No big deal. Ahhh. - Who is this guy? 391 00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:32,040 His brother. 392 00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:34,800 Says he's got over a hundred hours in the cockpit with the guy. 393 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:36,680 Alright tell him he's approaching fuel exhaustion 394 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:38,840 and he must land the plane ASAP. 395 00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:40,160 Okay uh, 396 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:42,400 Mark, they're saying your fuel's real tired 397 00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:44,920 and you gotta land the plane AARP. 398 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:45,920 Oh my god. 399 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:47,320 Just maybe... just do it your way. 400 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:48,920 Okay, okay yeah. 401 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:51,240 Okay Mark, you got this. 402 00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:52,680 Just like we're in the garage. 403 00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:54,520 Hold on. What do you mean by"garage"? 404 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:56,120 Oh it's the room where you park your car. 405 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,000 No I know what a damn garage is. 406 00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:00,480 What do you mean you want him to land the plane 407 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,640 "just like we're in the garage" 408 00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:03,600 What does that mean? 409 00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:05,800 Oh that's where he sets up his simulator. 410 00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:07,040 Simulator?! 411 00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:10,200 Does he have any experience flying a real plane? 412 00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:12,480 I mean... he does now. 413 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:17,080 Are you fricken' kidding me?!?! 414 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:18,760 Did you do this?! 415 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:19,920 Yeah. Do you like it? 416 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:22,160 I think it compliments your ugly attitude. 417 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:24,920 Oh I'll beat your ass, ***. 418 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:27,960 Yeah yeah. Can you at least wait until after this dance scene? 419 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,600 I need all emergency vehicles standing by. 420 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:36,400 He's lined up and his altitude looks good. 421 00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:38,680 You know he might actually pull this off. 422 00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:40,160 You got this Mark. 423 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:42,120 So uh, you gonna do your signature move? 424 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:44,080 - What does that mean? - Yeah I don't know Hank, 425 00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:45,880 I'm trying to give the passengers a smooth landing here. 426 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,320 Hold on, what does that mean, signature move? 427 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:50,440 Oh, uh, right before landing he does a barrel roll. 428 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:51,640 Oh man-- 429 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:54,680 That might be the dumbest thing I've ever heard. 430 00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:57,400 Uh no. Actually it's very cool. You wanna see it? 431 00:16:57,480 --> 00:16:58,480 Don't even think about it. 432 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,040 Too late. Already thinking about it. 433 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:01,040 Buddy, 434 00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:05,920 you absolutely"cannot do a barrel roll 435 00:17:06,360 --> 00:17:08,320 on a commercial airline". 436 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:10,680 Maybe you can't, but I can. 437 00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:13,280 I've actually done it a bunch of times. I even once did it on a blimp. 438 00:17:13,360 --> 00:17:15,240 Oh my god, oh my god. 439 00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:17,120 - Uh... I wouldn't push him... - Listen pal! 440 00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:21,640 I don't care what you do in your garage but this is real life. 441 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:24,920 There are actual lives at stake. Okay? 442 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,960 - This isn't your stupid video game. - Okay pal well listen up. 443 00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:29,280 It ain't a video game. 444 00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:30,600 It's a simulation. 445 00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:32,920 Hank, we're doing a barrel roll. 446 00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:34,000 Oh my god 447 00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:35,800 they're all gonna die. 448 00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:42,600 Ladies and gentleman, this is your captain Mark Hoagies speaking. 449 00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:44,640 We're gonna be doin' an emergency landing today. 450 00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:45,600 No big deal. 451 00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:47,840 The weather in Philadelphia is probably the same 452 00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:49,280 as when we left twenty minutes ago. 453 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:51,880 But don't worry -- I got a special treat for youse all. 454 00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:53,680 Might want to have your phones ready 455 00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:55,800 because this landing is gonna be memorable. 456 00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:56,920 Oh my god... 457 00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:00,160 - What -- are you afraid of me? - No, 458 00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:02,960 but I'm afraid of my husband flying this plane. 459 00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:14,040 Ugh this sucks. 460 00:18:14,120 --> 00:18:15,800 How much longer do we have to walk? 461 00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:17,280 We're not walking. We're hiking. 462 00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:19,480 - Hiking is stupid. - Well too bad. 463 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:22,760 You know, I tried taking you for treats and you almost ruined my life. 464 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:25,360 Then I brought you to the park and you kicked a duck. 465 00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:27,200 I didn't kick it. I yeeted it. 466 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:28,840 How about you just give us our phones back 467 00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:30,640 and we'll just lie and say we had a good time? 468 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:32,720 - Everybody wins. - No way Jose. 469 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:34,160 We're doing this above board. 470 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:36,640 Well, enjoy wearing condoms for the rest of your life. 471 00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:38,560 What!? I don't...always have to... 472 00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:40,360 I'm not having this conversation with you. 473 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:42,160 Maybe if you stopped treating us like babies 474 00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:43,880 we could actually connect in a meaningful way. 475 00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:45,240 Okay. You know what? Great. 476 00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:46,800 You want to have a mature conversation? 477 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:47,600 Let's do it. 478 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:49,280 Why doesn't Aunt Andrea want to have kids with you? 479 00:18:49,360 --> 00:18:50,840 Ah... Wow. Um... 480 00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:55,400 she is just on a different timetable. 481 00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,280 Sounds a lot like you never had sex. 482 00:18:57,360 --> 00:18:58,640 Isn't she like 45? 483 00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:00,440 She's probably already having menopause. 484 00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:02,520 Why are you so obsessed with having kids anyway? 485 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,640 Do you think it's going to fix your marriage problems? 486 00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:06,560 Okay, you know what?! I can't with you two. 487 00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:08,080 Here, take your stupid phones. 488 00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:10,440 Now I get why your mom lets you have them all the time. 489 00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:12,320 Try to do something right... 490 00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:15,680 Woaaaaahhhhh! 491 00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:18,360 - Did you see that? - No, I was on my phone-- wait what'd I miss? 492 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:19,760 The coolest thing I've ever seen! 493 00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:21,280 Did you get it on video? Let me see. 494 00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:23,840 Nah. We just kinda experienced it IRL. 495 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:25,760 And you know, it was pretty sweet. 496 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:27,800 Yeah, thanks Uncle David. 497 00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:40,800 Aw yeah. 498 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:41,760 Nailed it. 499 00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:44,440 Nailed it. 500 00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:54,720 I mean let's be real okay, if you're allergic to peanuts 501 00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:57,280 you gotta announce that to the cabin. I mean, that's just pilot error. 502 00:19:57,360 --> 00:19:58,200 Okay Mark. 503 00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,440 But luckily, my little"video game" 504 00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:02,560 saved the lives of two hundred people, so. 505 00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:04,520 Yeah and put you on the"no fly list." 506 00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:06,840 Small price to pay for being a hero. 507 00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:07,720 I hear that. 508 00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:10,280 I hope Uncle Kenny isn't mad we missed his funeral. 509 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,480 Oh come on $15?! 510 00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:14,840 How are they gonna charge for parking!? 511 00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:16,080 We didn't even get to Florida! 512 00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:21,960 Uh, what are you doing? 513 00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:24,920 Hank, you thinking what I'm thinking? 514 00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:27,960 That condiments should be packed in a clear plastic bag? 515 00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:28,800 No, Hank-- 516 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:31,240 BARREL ROLL!