1 00:00:00,880 --> 00:00:04,360 I'm Mark Hoagies and this is "Human Cannonball." 2 00:00:04,640 --> 00:00:05,640 Ok, Hank. Get in. 3 00:00:05,720 --> 00:00:07,600 Uh... I don't know about this Mark. 4 00:00:07,680 --> 00:00:09,720 It's fine Hank. There's a safety net right there. 5 00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:12,640 Uhhh... can we like maybe test it out first or something? 6 00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:14,480 Oh my god you're killing me here, Hank, okay? 7 00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:16,320 I know what I'm doing. I'm not Dick Cheney. 8 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:18,880 But what if I like, blow up or something? 9 00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:20,160 Okay, dammit! Cut! 10 00:00:20,240 --> 00:00:22,240 Mernft, can you help me here? Is Hank gonna blow up? 11 00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:23,800 Ahh... Yeah. I thought that was the point. 12 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:25,200 No it's not the... Okay, 13 00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:27,200 you know what maybe we can try it with a crash test dummy. 14 00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:29,920 Oh no no. Those things are way pricier than you think. 15 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:31,560 Holy crap, a million dollars?? 16 00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:34,520 You know, there's actually something you could get that's a lot cheaper 17 00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:36,040 and way more realistic... 18 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:37,760 I'm talkin' inside and out. 19 00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:39,400 Damn. That thing's no joke. 20 00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:42,040 Oh yeah the craftsmanship on these things, incredible. 21 00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:44,520 I mean they get every detail down to the fallopian tubes. 22 00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:47,160 Damn yo. This thing's gonna be perfect for like, 23 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:49,200 simulating the aerodynamics. 24 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:50,080 Alright, let's do it. 25 00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:51,200 Okay. I'm putting in the order. 26 00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:52,520 Yo Merf, you don't think Tammy's like 27 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:54,800 gonna get the wrong idea when this thing arrives or nothing, right? 28 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:56,720 Nah. Don't worry. I got you. 29 00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:01,320 David Jinglebells? 30 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:02,600 Uh. Yup that's me. 31 00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:06,760 Oh my god. 32 00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:39,600 - Yo... Mark. - What's up hon? 33 00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:41,960 I'm sure you're doing something very important 34 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:44,560 but it would mean a lot to me if you could spend some time with Darren. 35 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:46,440 Oh absolutely, yeah. I take a lot of pride 36 00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:47,640 in being an involved stepdad. 37 00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:49,320 When he gets back from his dad's we'll hang out. 38 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:50,160 We'll do a little bonding. 39 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:52,160 Uh. He's been here since April. 40 00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:53,960 Oh get out of here are you serious? 41 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:55,720 - I didn't even notice him. - Exactly. 42 00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:57,800 He's barely left his room in like three days. 43 00:01:57,880 --> 00:01:59,640 I'm worried he's gonna spend the whole summer up there 44 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:00,800 and not make any friends. 45 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:02,040 No problem, Tam, okay. 46 00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:03,880 I'll hang out with him. We'll get outside, 47 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:05,840 we'll make some friends, we'll get into some trouble. 48 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:07,440 Okay maybe not that last part. 49 00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:10,160 C'mon, Tam. Maybe the reason he's not making any friends 50 00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:12,880 is because you're a bit of a, you know, helicopter parent. 51 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:15,840 I am not. I just don't want yous to do anything stupid. 52 00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:16,680 Cannon's loaded. 53 00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:18,880 Me? Do something stupid?! PFFFFT!!! 54 00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:20,240 I have fun, Tam, 55 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:23,760 but I do not put the people I love at risk. 56 00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:30,200 Woah. 57 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:32,080 That was awesome. 58 00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:34,000 What's up Buddy? 59 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:34,800 Hey Mark. 60 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:36,920 You got any interest in hanging out with me and Uncle Hank? 61 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:38,960 No thanks. I don't want to play with guns. 62 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:40,760 It's not a gun, Darren. It's a cannon. 63 00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:42,240 A cannon is a gun. 64 00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:43,440 No, it's a classic... 65 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:45,920 medieval ball shooting... tool. 66 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:46,760 Oh would you look at this? 67 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:49,520 A cannon is a 'large caliber gun classified 68 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:50,640 as a type of artillery.' 69 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:52,880 Oh c'mon. You can't trust the internet Darren, okay? 70 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:54,040 You know how you really learn? 71 00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:56,920 By going outside and doing experiences. 72 00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:58,680 Yo. You wanna throw this bad boy around? 73 00:02:58,760 --> 00:02:59,640 Please put that back. 74 00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:01,720 No Darren, this boomerang is a classic toy. 75 00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:02,640 We gotta play with it! 76 00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:04,160 It's a decorative artifact. 77 00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:06,280 My dad got me that when he was in Australia. 78 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:07,680 Okay what's the point of having a boomerang 79 00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:08,920 if you're not gonna throw it Darren? 80 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:11,080 If we do this, will you leave me alone? 81 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:12,600 Maybe. 82 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:14,520 Andrea this is a mistake. I swear. 83 00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:16,040 Uh can you just leave it in the box? 84 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:19,040 Oh no, sir. You ordered white glove service. 85 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:20,880 You don't even have to touch the box... 86 00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:22,560 Well, this box. 87 00:03:22,640 --> 00:03:24,000 Huh... What?! 88 00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:28,120 Are you trying to send me a message, here? 89 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:29,280 What? No! 90 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:30,400 You want it in the bedroom? 91 00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:32,080 Can you just take it back with you please? 92 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:34,360 If you want to return it, there's a QR code on the back 93 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:35,760 that you can get all the info. 94 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:36,680 Oh my god. 95 00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:37,840 Maybe next time 96 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:40,680 pick a delivery window where your wife isn't home. 97 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:46,480 It's gotta be some kind of mistake or practical joke or something. 98 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,320 Pretty expensive practical joke... 99 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:50,400 "Hello David Jinglebells ". 100 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:53,320 "Congratulations on your new Real Babe, 101 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,800 the ultimate pleasure doll experience." 102 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:58,440 "We're going to walk you through all the intimate details..." 103 00:03:58,520 --> 00:03:59,320 Oh god. Skip! 104 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:02,240 "Beneath the natural silicon exterior is our new, 105 00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:03,760 state of the art self-heating, 106 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:04,960 - strawberry flavored..." - Skip! 107 00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:05,960 - What? Ew. - Skip please! 108 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:07,640 Uh, tell me how to send you back! 109 00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:10,200 - Send back! - "Nano-fiber polyester landing stri 110 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:13,200 Functional lactating... Tentacle attachments... 111 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:14,760 - Just load the milk into the cartridge..." - Wow David. 112 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:16,720 Really splurged on the trim package. 113 00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:19,840 "Enter promo code MothersDay for 30% off 114 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:22,160 our new pregnant belly expansion pack!" 115 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:23,800 So the fun thing about a boomerang 116 00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:25,800 is that when you throw it, it comes back. 117 00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:28,720 Which makes it a very ironic gift choice coming from your father. 118 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:30,320 Okay Darren so here's what you're gonna do okay? 119 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:32,720 You want the flat side against your palm. 120 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:33,640 Just like this okay? 121 00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:34,880 And then you make sure the curvature 122 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:36,760 is facing the direction you're looking to throw. 123 00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:39,560 Okay, you angle your arm 45 degrees on release, 124 00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:41,960 and then you're just gonna let it roll off your fingers, okay? 125 00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:42,640 Here we go. 126 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:44,760 Okay, there we go. 127 00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:45,760 Okay you see it? 128 00:04:45,840 --> 00:04:47,520 No? Don't worry it's gonna come back so... 129 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:48,440 any minute now. 130 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:50,240 Keep an eye out, keep an eye out. 131 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:51,880 It'll sneak up on you. 132 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:55,120 Ugh, that's the end of that. 133 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:56,000 Thank you Mark. 134 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:57,840 Uh uh. No way, Jose. 135 00:04:57,920 --> 00:04:59,920 We are going on an adventure! 136 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:00,840 Ugh. 137 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:03,240 If we somehow find this thing, 138 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:04,720 it's going right back on my wall. 139 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:06,640 Uh uh. Attitude shift. We're gonna find it. 140 00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:08,160 And then... we're gonna throw it again. 141 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:12,360 Bingo. 142 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:13,760 See that broken window up there? 143 00:05:13,840 --> 00:05:14,840 I bet it's in there. 144 00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:17,200 I gotta say, Darren, okay that was a hell of a throw. 145 00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:18,960 If that damn house wasn't in the way 146 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:20,120 it would have definitely come back. 147 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:21,160 This is so sketch. 148 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:22,880 So we're just gonna knock on the door? 149 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:24,280 Yeah. What's the worst that can happen, 150 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:25,640 okay, we make some new friends? 151 00:05:25,840 --> 00:05:26,440 Now in sales, 152 00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:28,840 this is what we refer to as a "cold call" okay? 153 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:30,400 Hank is gonna make small talk 154 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:31,960 while you and I, we sneak upstairs 155 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,080 and we get the boomerang. 156 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,760 Or we can just apologize and ask them to get it. 157 00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:37,520 You want to let whatever weirdos live in this house 158 00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:39,000 know we broke their window? 159 00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:40,360 Oh yo, wow!? 160 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:41,400 I mean... hi. 161 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:42,600 I mean... hello, ma'am. 162 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:43,920 My name's Mark. I was just wondering if- 163 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,520 What did you say about a window? 164 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:47,720 Oh I was just saying that uh... 165 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:49,560 You know I love some of the trim work 166 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:50,960 - on these windows- - Go away! 167 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:54,920 Darren, now that's called "playing hardball" no problem. 168 00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:57,320 Every "no" brings you closer to a "yes." 169 00:05:58,440 --> 00:05:59,320 Yes? 170 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:01,760 Oh hey boss, so, you know we've been out hiking 171 00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:04,000 and I really gotta use the bathroom, so... 172 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:05,520 Go in the woods! 173 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:06,880 You know the thing is, 174 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:09,800 it's kind of a number two situation and um... 175 00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:11,400 and I'm allergic to leaves so. 176 00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:12,520 - You are? -Hank! 177 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:13,960 One moment, please. 178 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:17,080 The man just wants to use the bathroom. 179 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:18,960 - No! - Come on, Deborah. 180 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:20,720 We haven't had a guest in ages. 181 00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:22,560 Lest you forget, 182 00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:25,760 there's a reason we don't have guests, Charles. 183 00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:27,360 Oh relax. 184 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:30,640 Down the hall. First door on your right. 185 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:33,120 Actually, is there a upstairs bathroom I can use? 186 00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:34,200 I need a little privacy. 187 00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:36,120 I got a little, had a whole two burgers 188 00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:38,640 for breakfast situation happening, you know what I mean. 189 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:40,840 - No! - Don't be rude, Deborah. 190 00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:44,480 You're welcome to use the upstairs hallway bathroom. 191 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:45,600 Really appreciate it. 192 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:46,200 C'mon Dar. 193 00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:48,240 Why does the boy need to come? 194 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:50,640 Oh uh... Darren here? He's my uh... 195 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:51,680 he's my wipe boy. 196 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:53,080 Wipe boy? 197 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:55,800 What? I'd love to have a wipe boy. 198 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:56,760 Eww! 199 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,680 Andrea, how many times do I have to tell you? 200 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:00,120 I didn't order this, okay?! 201 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:01,520 David, it's fine. 202 00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:03,760 In fact, I'm thinking about ordering my own doll... 203 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:06,080 Oh wow, this one looks just like The Rock. 204 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:07,400 Okay, enough. I'll throw it out. 205 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:08,920 Uh, you cannot put that in our trash. 206 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:09,840 Are you insane? 207 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:11,680 Ok well I'll return it this afternoon. 208 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:14,760 Fine, but until then can you move it out of the living room? 209 00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:16,440 The thing weighs like 120 pounds. 210 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,120 Is it that unbearable to ju- 211 00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:21,040 I will move it. Yes, I will move it. 212 00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:22,000 Argh! 213 00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:24,400 Come on, let's go. 214 00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:27,200 Huh! 215 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:29,520 - Cool place. - Thanks. 216 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:32,440 So when was this built? Like the 50s or something? 217 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,680 1730s actually. 218 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:36,520 Woah. 1730s? 219 00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:38,640 I didn't even know houses were invented yet. 220 00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:41,000 So uh, what do you do for work? 221 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:44,640 We are the custodians of something evil- 222 00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:45,360 Enough! 223 00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:47,960 What's taking your friends so long? 224 00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:51,200 Yo Dar, that's gotta be the attic right? 225 00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:53,800 Oh cool, the chained up room in a creepy-ass house. 226 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:55,120 Sounds like a great idea. 227 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:56,960 C'mon, Darren. We're having an adventure. 228 00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:58,680 "You looking for your boomerang? 229 00:07:58,880 --> 00:07:59,920 I got it in here. 230 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,560 Just unlock the door." 231 00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:03,280 Ahh... Wh... What was that? 232 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:04,960 Darren, you heard that creepy voice. 233 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:06,200 It's got the boomerang. 234 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:09,920 "Everything okay up there?" 235 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,080 Oh yeah! All good! All good! Sorry... 236 00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:14,200 just finishing wiping up. 237 00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:16,160 C'mon Darren! Get that dingleberry! 238 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:18,720 Alright let's see here. 239 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:21,600 "See ya!" 240 00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:25,120 Oh my. 241 00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:30,680 Welp. Happy, Charles? 242 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,840 I told you this would happen! 243 00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:36,480 Do you have any idea what you've done!? 244 00:08:36,560 --> 00:08:38,440 Uh. I guess I let your pet goat bat thing out? 245 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:40,840 - I mean who cares. - No, you fool! 246 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:42,280 You've just unleashed... 247 00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:45,280 The Jersey Devil! 248 00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:49,960 So when you say "unleashed the Jersey Devil," 249 00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:51,400 is that like a good thing or a bad thing? 250 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:53,000 The hellish beast 251 00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:55,840 will reign terror upon our community. 252 00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:58,680 Its wrath knows no bounds! 253 00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:00,440 Okay, so it's a bad thing. 254 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:01,960 So uh... what are we gonna do? 255 00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:04,520 The only way to catch this beast 256 00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:06,600 is through the dark sacrament. 257 00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:09,240 We must head to the ceremonial circle 258 00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:11,640 and build a pyre of white cedar. 259 00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:14,680 The incantations will lure the devil 260 00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:16,320 - to the blood sacrifice. - What the hell... 261 00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:18,160 and upon his satiation 262 00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:20,920 he will sleep for three days- 263 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,040 Blood sacrifice? Yeah, that's never gonna work. 264 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:23,880 Oh yeah? 265 00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:25,640 You're gonna tell us, 266 00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:28,240 the guardian family of this abomination 267 00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:29,720 for over 300 years, 268 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:31,560 how to find the Jersey Devil? 269 00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:34,120 Uh... I got news for you. It's a friggin flying goat, okay? 270 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:35,040 How hard can it be? 271 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:37,120 You look in the sky for a friggin goat with wings. 272 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:38,720 Ok genius. 273 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:40,800 Why don't you go do that? 274 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:43,120 But since "You" unleashed this horror, 275 00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:45,080 one of you must stay back... 276 00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:47,160 for the sacrifice. 277 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:48,720 Uh yeah, that's all you Mark. 278 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:49,600 Okay whatever lady. 279 00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:50,760 Okay Hank, can you just deal with 280 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,800 whatever cockamamie nonsense they wanna do? 281 00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:53,800 You got it, Mark. 282 00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:00,360 David. 283 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:01,600 Focus. 284 00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:07,520 Argh... argh 285 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:10,040 Next. 286 00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:11,320 Sorry, it's a little heavy. 287 00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:12,880 Okay looks like we got a... 288 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:14,640 - Real Babe doll? - Uhp! Yes. 289 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:16,720 It was shipped to me by mistake. 290 00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:17,960 Hm. Sure. 291 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:20,120 So there's a whole process for these things. 292 00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:21,440 It's gonna be a few minutes. 293 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:22,760 - Connor! - What's up? 294 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:23,560 I need a hand! 295 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:26,520 I got a customer returning a Real Babe Doll! 296 00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:27,360 A what? 297 00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:28,920 A real babe doll. 298 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,800 It's one of those fancy lifelike sex- 299 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,160 Hey could you not? 300 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:34,200 Can you just come over here for a sec? 301 00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:35,600 And bring the scissors. 302 00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:36,720 Is this necessary? 303 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:38,480 If you want to return it, yes. 304 00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:40,480 Alright, let's just go. 305 00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:47,840 So uh, where we headed? 306 00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:50,040 The ceremonial circle. 307 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:51,520 Ooh. Sounds fun. 308 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:54,240 Well. Sounds more fun than it is. 309 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,400 - Will you shut up, Charles? - What? 310 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:59,640 It's nice to speak to someone pleasant for a change. 311 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:02,720 You don't name the chicken you're going to slaughter. 312 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:04,000 Get off my back. 313 00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:07,840 Well, here we are. 314 00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:09,560 You sure this is the place? 315 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,400 So we know this thing is half bat, half goat. 316 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:15,520 Now what do bats eat? Okay they eat berries. 317 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:16,640 What do goats eat? 318 00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:17,800 Trash. 319 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:20,880 So, what we need to do is find a berry junkyard. Okay? 320 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:22,840 Ooh... maybe a berry landfill? 321 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:23,880 It's pointless. 322 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:26,080 The thing is probably deep in the Pine Barrens at this point. 323 00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:28,400 C'mon Darren, okay. It's gonna take time and skill, 324 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:30,040 but we're gonna hunt this thing down 325 00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:32,720 and get that boomerang back if it's the last thing I do 326 00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:34,160 before I throw it again. 327 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:36,880 Woah, yo! Well speak of the devil! 328 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:38,440 I told you it'd be easy Dar! 329 00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:39,320 Sup dudes. 330 00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:41,280 Can I come in? I got your boomerang? 331 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:43,080 What do you think, Dar? Gotta let him in, right? 332 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:44,560 Uh. No. Are you dumb? 333 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:47,160 Come on. He can't be that bad. He brought the boomerang. 334 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:47,960 I gotcha. 335 00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:49,840 Please don't hurt us! 336 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:51,840 Dude what? What're you talking about? Why would I hurt you? 337 00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:54,440 But aren't you like the devil or something? 338 00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:57,040 Well you know I'm not "the" devil. That's my dad. 339 00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:57,520 Uh. 340 00:11:57,600 --> 00:11:59,400 I just wanted to thank you guys for freeing me. 341 00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:00,320 Ah. Least we could do. 342 00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:01,480 I mean your guardians seemed like 343 00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:03,040 a couple of whack-a-doos, you know what I mean? 344 00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:04,640 Oh dude, tell me about it. 345 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:07,240 Yeah, they keep me locked up in the attic away from people, 346 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:08,800 so you know I never get to make any friends. 347 00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:10,760 But you guys seem cool. 348 00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:13,120 That dingleberry bit that was... 349 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:14,560 oh my god, had me dying. 350 00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:15,680 - I was dying! - Oh yeah, you like that? 351 00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:16,920 Yo that was a good one, right? 352 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,800 You like that right? Yeah that was good. 353 00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:19,960 Yeah totally. 354 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,400 So would it be cool if I crash here for a bit? 355 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:23,640 Ah no problem, yeah. 356 00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:25,800 Um... are you sure about this, Mark? 357 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:26,720 Yes Darren, okay. 358 00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:29,000 I know you're not used to meeting new people "IRL" 359 00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:30,680 but this guy's obviously cool. 360 00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:32,440 Don't worry, I'll talk to your mom. 361 00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:33,600 You guys have fun. 362 00:12:33,680 --> 00:12:34,720 I'll get out of your hair. 363 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:35,960 Alright Mark, see ya. 364 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:39,120 So, uh, what do you like to do on your computer? 365 00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:41,840 Hey, hun. So, how 'd it go today? 366 00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:43,560 Let's see, we played outside, 367 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:44,840 met some new neighbors... 368 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:46,920 Oh, and ah... Darren made a new friend. 369 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,840 So yeah, you could say it went pretty well. 370 00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:51,240 Get out of here! That's great. Who's the friend? 371 00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:53,160 He's some neighbor kid. You know, seems cool. 372 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:55,280 He's actually upstairs in Darren's room right now. 373 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:57,640 Oh wow! I should make them some snacks. 374 00:12:57,720 --> 00:12:59,400 You know if this kid's got any allergies? 375 00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:01,720 Nah. Seems like the kind of guy who'll eat anything. 376 00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:03,280 Oh yeah this guy's pretty funny. 377 00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:06,520 He mostly streams Farm Crossing but he's always like, super baked. 378 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:08,120 Oh dude, that's hilarious. 379 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:10,480 If you want I can send you a bunch of my favorite streamers. 380 00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:12,640 Oh thanks man, but you know we don't get internet 381 00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:14,200 at our creepy old house so. 382 00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:15,760 Hmmm. I mean you're not that far away. 383 00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:17,760 I can just like, get a WiFi amplifier. 384 00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:20,080 Oh dude are you serious? That would be sick! 385 00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:22,200 Hey there kids I made you- Oh my god! 386 00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:23,640 Hey Mom! This is JD. 387 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:24,800 Oh hey Ms. Hoagies. 388 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:26,480 Uh... hi. 389 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:28,040 Mark!? 390 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:30,360 What is that "Thing" in Darren's room? 391 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:32,800 It's not a "Thing" Tam. It's the Jersey Devil. 392 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:36,480 What!? You left my son alone in a room with the Jersey Devil. 393 00:13:36,560 --> 00:13:39,080 Woah woah woah. That's not fair, I consider him a son too, Tammy. 394 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:41,720 Darren cannot be friends with a "Satanic Beast "! 395 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:42,400 C'mon Tam. 396 00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:43,680 You gotta keep an open mind here. 397 00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:45,520 It's not like Darren's the most normal kid either. 398 00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:46,360 What the hell does that mean? 399 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:47,280 I'm just saying. 400 00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:49,440 He's not Zack fricken Morris, okay? 401 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:51,520 Hate to break it to you but if you expect his friends 402 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:53,240 to look like AC Slater, 403 00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:54,840 gonna be a little disappointed Tam. 404 00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:58,040 Mark. Get up there and tell that thing it needs to leave. 405 00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:01,040 Ughh fine. I'll be the bad cop. 406 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:03,200 Hey Dar? Can I talk to you for a sec? 407 00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:04,720 Uh, in private if that's cool. 408 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:05,800 Oh yeah no problem. 409 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:08,040 You know I was just about to go hit the vape so. 410 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:11,200 So your mother wants me to talk to you 411 00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:14,320 because she feels that certain friends of yours, 412 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:16,600 new friends, may not be the best kind of... 413 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:18,240 thing to be hanging out with. 414 00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:19,400 You know your mother pfft. 415 00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:21,600 What!? Oh come on! He's actually cool. 416 00:14:21,680 --> 00:14:23,160 Listen I hear you buddy okay but- 417 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:24,600 Ugh, I finally make a friend 418 00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:25,920 and now I can't be friends with him! 419 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,560 Listen, you know how your mom is with the whole 420 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:29,600 "I don't like the devil" nonsense, you know. 421 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:31,240 Forget it! Screw you both! 422 00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:33,800 Tell mom I'm out "doing" experiences. 423 00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:35,800 Ay come on Dar. Dar! 424 00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:37,720 Come on JD! Let's get out of here! 425 00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:40,960 Alright, you go have fun alright? 426 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:42,440 Crazy kids. 427 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,200 Come on I got a baloney in the car! 428 00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:51,200 Okay let's see here. Okay, serial number is in. 429 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:53,040 - Are we almost done? - Almost. 430 00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:56,080 Connor, can you go grab the blacklight wand from the back. 431 00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:57,400 Blacklight wand? Why... 432 00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,440 Yeah just gotta make sure it hasn't been used. 433 00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:01,440 Can't we just skip this part? 434 00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:03,080 Listen man, I don't make the rules. 435 00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:05,840 Okay so what you want to do is just run that over the doll 436 00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:08,240 and look for any glowing spots. 437 00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:09,280 Got it. 438 00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:11,600 Wait, what do the glowing spots mean? 439 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:13,560 Just scan the damn thing, Connor. 440 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:19,600 Okay. We're good. 441 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:22,000 No no, no Connor. All the way down. 442 00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:24,160 What?! Come on, this is ridiculous. 443 00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:30,760 Uh... 444 00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:32,520 what does it mean if the feet are glowing? 445 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:36,040 So? How 'd it go? 446 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:37,000 Eh not great. 447 00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:39,520 You know, Darren climbed out the window and they flew away. 448 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:41,320 What!? Are you kidding me!? 449 00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:43,160 Oh my god there's no winning with you, Tam! 450 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:44,680 "Get him a friend" I do that. 451 00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:46,560 "Get him outta the house" I did that. 452 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:47,760 Whatever I do it's wrong! 453 00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:49,880 Mark, stop it. Just help me find him? 454 00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:51,960 Alright Tam, but it's like a whole ordeal. 455 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:54,560 You gotta build like a stone temple pilots thing 456 00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:56,400 and then do a blood sacrifice. 457 00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:57,960 Okay, I say you just give him time. 458 00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:01,280 This is classic, healthy teenage rebellion stuff, okay? 459 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:02,040 He'll be back. 460 00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:02,920 They're in the woods. 461 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:04,720 Uh. Helicopter Parent Alert. 462 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:07,040 - You see this is the problem- - In the car. Now. 463 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:10,160 Sancta mater diaboli libera! 464 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:10,880 Sorry. 465 00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:13,680 Would you mind getting your other leg for me? 466 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:15,000 Sure, no problem. 467 00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:17,360 Holy mother, deliver the devil! 468 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:20,520 "and the bunny goes round the loop ." 469 00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:22,480 "And the loop goes round the tree," 470 00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:24,160 "and the bunny goes through the leg..." 471 00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:24,920 Charles! 472 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:26,920 Are you chanting or chatting? 473 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:27,920 Sorry. 474 00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:30,840 Sancta mater diaboli libera! 475 00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:34,200 "Sancta mater diaboli libera 476 00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:36,800 No no you don't sing it. 477 00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:38,880 Oh I thought we were singing a song. 478 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:40,600 You got a real nice voice by the way. 479 00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:41,400 Doesn't she? 480 00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:44,320 I always tell her she sounds just like Tom Waits. 481 00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:47,320 That's not a compliment, Charles! 482 00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:49,520 I can't believe my parents kicked you out like that. 483 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:52,320 - They don't even know you! - Oh it's fine. I'm used to it. 484 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:53,680 I hate them sometimes. 485 00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:57,000 You know, believe me, parents can be a lot worse. 486 00:16:57,080 --> 00:16:58,960 Your dad seems pretty cool actually. 487 00:16:59,040 --> 00:16:59,760 Mark? 488 00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:02,720 He's my stepdad and believe me, he's not cool. 489 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:05,480 - He tries way too hard. - Well at least he tries. 490 00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:07,520 And my mom is a total hypocrite, okay. 491 00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:08,960 First she wants me to have friends 492 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:10,760 and then she says you're not good enough for her? 493 00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:11,720 Like seriously? 494 00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:13,320 She's not completely wrong, Darren. 495 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,480 My dad is literally the devil. 496 00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:18,120 Who cares man? That doesn't define you. 497 00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,600 There's a reason they keep me chained up. 498 00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:22,840 Oh boy it's starting. 499 00:17:23,360 --> 00:17:24,800 What's starting? 500 00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:26,320 "It Is Time "! 501 00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:28,080 Um... Time for what? 502 00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:30,240 "For The Sacrifice "! 503 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:32,160 Oh we're doing a campfire? 504 00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:34,080 I actually got a few hot dogs in my pocket. 505 00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:35,800 Or are you just happy to see me? 506 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:38,480 Knock it off and get out of the way! 507 00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:41,040 Deborah, do we really need to do this? 508 00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:43,800 - He's a good guy. - Yes, Charles. 509 00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:46,920 This is how it's been done for over 300 years! 510 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:48,040 But don't you ever feel like 511 00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:50,600 we're perpetuating this cycle of violence? 512 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:54,000 I don't care what it feels like. It works. 513 00:17:58,840 --> 00:17:59,880 What's gotten into you man?? 514 00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:01,400 "I Must Feed "! 515 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:02,680 Uh, feed on what? 516 00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:04,480 - "Humans "! - Humans!? 517 00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:06,960 I can't be friends with someone who eats people, okay! 518 00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:07,600 Take me home! 519 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:10,000 "Too Late, Darren "! "I'm Blood-Lusting "! 520 00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:12,440 "The Signal "! "Dinner Time "! 521 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:20,880 Hm this body tastes different. 522 00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:22,040 It's not bad though. 523 00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:23,520 There's like a hint of... 524 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:25,240 what is that like, strawberry? 525 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:35,400 Oo, my toes feel nice and warm, thanks. 526 00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:37,080 That's it! 527 00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:39,200 I'm putting my foot down. 528 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:41,160 You fool! 529 00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:43,240 How else are we going to lure the J- 530 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:45,280 Hank? 531 00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:47,600 Oh hey Darren! We're doing s'mores and stuff. 532 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:49,120 JD, you're early. 533 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,120 We're still preheating the pyre. 534 00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:52,920 Nah. It's all good. I'm full. 535 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,960 What do you mean you're full? 536 00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:56,760 I found this awesome meat substitute, 537 00:18:56,840 --> 00:18:58,680 it tastes just like berries and trash. 538 00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:00,880 What? But... the ritual! 539 00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:02,560 Hey you know what? Screw your ritual! 540 00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:03,920 You're a bunch of enablers! 541 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,000 It's all that damn chanting that makes me 542 00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:07,760 all bloodlust-y in the first place. 543 00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:08,720 See? 544 00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:09,760 Yo Devil! 545 00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:12,080 You think you can steal my stepson? 546 00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:13,920 Not on my watch! 547 00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:17,280 - Darren! - Mom! 548 00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:19,360 No more hanging with devils, okay? 549 00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:20,920 But he's my friend, mom. 550 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:22,400 You can't be friends with that! 551 00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:24,840 Oh come on. Mark is friends with Mernft Man. 552 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:25,720 He's way worse. 553 00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:26,760 We'll talk about it later, 554 00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:28,800 but for now you're grounded for a month. 555 00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:30,000 Okay. Sweet. 556 00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:32,600 I guess being grounded for 300 years 557 00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:35,080 does seem a little excessive. 558 00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:37,480 Have you lost your mind, Charles? 559 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,000 He's the "Devil "! 560 00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:40,400 JD watch out! 561 00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:42,480 Darren! 562 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:48,120 Boom. Headshot. You like that, Tam? 563 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:49,800 Saved your kid... I mean our kid. 564 00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:51,640 My kid. I love you, Dave. 565 00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:58,880 Mark? 566 00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:01,240 Hey, David. Did you happen to get a delivery for me? 567 00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:03,280 Maybe like a big box or something? 568 00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:06,480 Yeah, Mark. I did. Was that for you? 569 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:08,000 Yeah. Doin' a little project. 570 00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:10,160 Didn't want, you know, Tam to get the wrong idea. 571 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:10,800 You know what I mean? 572 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:12,440 Mhm, I see. 573 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:13,520 Anyway, can I get that from you? 574 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:14,720 Nope. It's gone. 575 00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:16,600 I destroyed it. 576 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:19,680 Let me tell you, I absolutely obliterated that thing. 577 00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:27,680 Aaaah David! I bet you did, buddy! 578 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:29,240 I bet you did! 579 00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:31,680 Yo!! Yo, there it is! 580 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,160 Well I'm glad you enjoyed it. 581 00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:34,360 Anyway, that was six grand 582 00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:36,200 so whenever you get a chance you can just Venmo me.