Welcome to South A-***-merica ***heads!
- Greg! Greg! - This is a stag do, yeah, Anthony.
And I've the wife and kids at home these days, inn'I mate.
- Arriba arriba! - We're not sixteen anymore are we, Kai?
- Stu, what's up with Greg? - I think I need a shit!
What the *** has he swallowed?
...cocaine?
Facing the wall. Turn around.
all of its own.
Everything here costs money. Borrow Selma's money.
Why has he got you in a bath filled with ice?
So he could harvest my organs.
Your friend Greg is not a millionaire.
It is an expensive thing to purchase
emergency surgery when you are outside prison.
But it is an incredibly expensive thing to purchase while in prison.
Which one did it? Who hit you?
So. Who's getting in the *** bath?
C'mon, andale. That's both kidneys now from your stiff friend.
Who's gonna give me the third?
Either someone gets in the bath,
or I will start shooting again and pick for you.
Like the old days lads..
Come on.
Shortest stick loses.
Like when we used to choose the goalie.
What are we gonna tell Ruby?
Jesus Christ, his *** kids!
You. Go help your friend pick up your other dead guy friend.
*** is wrong with you, Kai? Those bits belong inside Ant.
Leave him alone. He'll be in shock... you're just..
You've known him your whole *** life you cold-hearted ***!
Okay! ***! Who's got that next kidney for me?
Oh no John.
Okay no, not him. We don't want the old guy.
Pick again.
Hugo
I'm sorry, man.
If I do this. Yeah?
Then I want compensation.
Yeah, yeah, course.
What the *** do you think that looks like?
Oh take issue with that, do you?
- Are you about to jump in the *** bath?! - HEY!
Time's up. Let's go.
You guys take on any share of my debt. Okay? Okay?
- Mmm. - I want guaranteed bed rest.
Ahhh!
*** I dunno if I can... I dunno if I can...
Hang about Hugo.
I think it's me.
- Mine's the shortest - Son?
I got...I got the shortest one.
What the *** are you playing at?
- Don't you dare get in that bath Kai. - What fun!
D'you hear me?
Wow!
Ohh! Now that
is in low supply.
This is.. Unprecedented.
Don't you dare get in that bath. D'you hear me?
KAI! Get out of that *** bath, d'you hear me?
Get out of that *** bath. Get out!
Let me..
For interrupting you'll die and I'll feed your old meat to my dogs.
What's up?
*** hell.
I'd sooner kill you *** than return to this ***.
Stay beneath my attention from this day on
or your heads go up on my wall.
You my friend.
Bravo.
Remarkable team player,
one very special little monkey.
So you keep your kidneys.
The rest of you maybe not.
Hey where the hell are they taking him?
Hey, hey, listen.
We're taking your shitty friend to the roof.
When you find enough money for a funeral like god intended,
you'll find whatever is left of him there.
...taking him to the men on the roof.
If we have enough money for a decent burial,
you will find what's...you'll find what's left of him there.
"...Men". On the "roof"...? What is that?
They're the er, undertakers. Sort of.
Clem are you... doing... alright?
Not really, Hugo.
Not really doing alright, no.
First I had to operate on Greg and now this.
Has anyone got the first idea what the *** is going on here?
Be gentle with her!
Where they taking her?
I can't believe Ant's just gone.
I *** watched him grow up for Christ's sake. He was a lovely lad.
Who gives a shit about lovely lad. They just shot him in the head.
That psycho seems to run the prison and we are in it. Still alive!
So how do we get outta here, huh? Talk about that!
- Give me.. - No, no no..
He's got half a *** head!
How do we stop that happening to us, huh?
Hugo.. for once in your life, shut your mouth, yeah?!
Sleep! Boys!
What we need now is rest yes?
Need to try and shut our eyes, and get some..
I've the wife and kids at home these days, inn'I mate.
Put that someplace safe, Kai.
That ring's all we have left of Ant now.
We need to try and get this day behind us.
I'm sorry, Ryan.
Stu.
I'm sorry it made you angry when I did what he told me. I just
I loved him too, y'know?
You know I...you know I did.
Stu... Stu.
Outside. Okay? Alone. Outside.
I think maybe there's more than just Greg in on it.
What's that, I can't hear yer?
I said I think maybe there's more than just Greg in on it.
Jesus, what? Seriously? Who?
I dunno.
But that fax.. it doesn't make sense, does it?
From the embassy?
It said that we was all in on it.
Otherwise why would they arrest all of us?
You're talking a hundred years yeah?
And that's added up!
So that means Greg definitely had help.
I can't believe it either mate.
Can't sleep, I've just been laid there playing it and replaying it.
I can't do this. I literally can't think.
You just tell me who you think's responsible mate.
I swear I will go in there and I will pull them apart.
D'you know. If any of them had a brain they'd be pointing a finger at me.
You can be a shit, yeah? But you're not this.
You're not a *** monster.
So what we gonna do then, mate?
We should talk to *** Greg.
Right? Get the truth out of him. Me and you, together.
Us two we need to stick together mate. Old times, mate.
Dad!
- Dad! - Huh!
- What is it, son? - Ryan and Stu they're gone.
And they've taken Ant's ring.
They're gone.
With the only thing we had worth having. So that's a little funny, no?
There'll be an explanation.
A good one.
Dond-ay Esther "Greg"?
No.
You did so well, Clementine.
The Doctor was quite happy.
Does that mean I can... leave?
No.
Also no more working around my brother.
His toys never did survive very long.
You'll be safer with me.
You're the kind of woman I can get along with.
You should run along now, Clem.
Clem?
Clem! Are you alright? Is this where they're keeping you?
Why. Are. You tw-what's going on?
We're here for Greg.
Or the *** answers more like.
Can you tell me what the *** going on please, Stu?
Can you tell me why I got shipped here alone?
Straight into the care of some cracked ***
who's making me carve actual people up?
A minute ago I was on holiday, Stu.
What even happened to him? What the *** is going on, Stu?
We really wanna ask him the same thing.
Let's see if he's woke up.
He's just through there.
Can I trust you both to keep it together? When you see him?
Course. Of course.
Ryan. Do you understand?
You need to stay cool. There are people with guns here.
Ant's dead!
- He's *** dead, right?! - Stu, Stu!
- What do you mean, he's dead? - He's *** dead.
What like, dead dead?
***!
***.
The Ant-Man is dead.
Nobody called him that you *** scum.
I called him that. It was a little in-joke.
Alright! What happened?
A psychopath turned up and blew his *** face off.
About eighteen inches from where we were all stood.
A psychopath who happens to be the brother of the woman who
owns this place.
Owns the bed you're laid in.
***.
We need to get outta here.
Who's *** we bruv? Who's *** we? 200K she wants.
Two hundred *** thousand pound.
For your medical bill. Our arses. Do you have that *** money?
I'll get it!
Stu, come on man, I'll sort this out. You know me, we go way back.
Nah, nah we've known Ant since we were nine years old mate.
Nine years old.
Why the hell were we all arrested?
Who's in on it with yer?
Okay look, chill out, I'm sorry, okay?
Look
I can make all of this go away. I promise.
Bollocks. Ryan, hit him.
Ok! Ok!
Tell us how.
The drugs that I was carrying obviously weren't for me.
Were they? They weren't mine!
The people I work for,
they have connections. Here and all over the region.
Which means I've got connections.
Some people even call me Papi Chulo around here.
- ***.. - Ryan..
Ry, Ry, Ry, Ry..
Keep, ***, Hagrid away from me.
Ryan! It's ok. It's ok.
Alright, listen, *** this. You lot need me. I'm sorry, but you do.
Alright? And Hagrid.. if anything happens to me,
that's 200k down the toilet.
We need to move, and the quicker we move here the better, alright?
Look, all I need is a phone.
One that I can make calls on, and receive calls on.
Get me a phone. And I can get us out of here.
You're alright, you're alright.
So we need a burial plot and a phone.
I'm thinking, right? We try for a two-for-one?
Tell him, tell him!
Take the grapes.
Psycho!
Can you tell the nurse I need more grapes now -
- *** off, Greg. - It's for my recovery!
Who even is Greg? I mean, seriously?
You don't know him from home,
me and Clem don't know him from Uni so who the *** is he?
Stu said he knew him from work.
Is something not right there?
Y'know, I've been wondering something along those lines myself.
Jesus Christ almond butter!
She's got almond butter! Kai, Kai? Go.
It's you time to shine, figure out how much she charges.
Good morning, I hope you understand me.
I was wondering if we could get something to eat.
He's good at this, isn't he? Kai?
Where's your enchanted donkey now?
Good, good. Thankyou.
She's not giving it away.
But she says her dad does grocery drop offs, bundles.
Feed a family for a week kind of a thing. Food.. that's what I'm saying.
Yeah. how much is... "Food"?
Ah well she kept changing the figure but I think probably a hundred.
A hundred?
Oh, ca va! I'm good for a hundred.
I leave bigger tips than that.
Ooh.. I'll be back.
Hey! Hey remember me? Huh?
Hello again. Little ***.
Yeah yeah yeah little *** ok, whatever that's me, hey,
I'll take that money now, huh? Kai? What's Spanish for hundred?
- Er cien. - Cien. Cien dolares por favor, little amigo.
No can do chief. You guys owe Selma 200k ha ha ha.
I heard you needed surgery or something.
Was it for your sick friend or was it for your vaginoplasty operation
I hope it was a big success.
Shit. Shit!
No one will be lending any of you a dollar until Selma gets paid.
Okay. okay..yes. yees. okay. Merci beaucoup.
We can't any borrow money. Because of our
Greg's insane debt to that lady. Man. What the ***!
So tell me this. If we've got no money.
And we don't seem to be getting any.
How the hell are we supposed to eat?
- I'll sell it to you, give me twenty. - Chicken?
How much? Twenty?
I'll let you have it for twenty. Thanks.
Are you alright?
Go on. Is this it? Yeah.
We're here, we're here. Let's go.
Let's do it.
- Have you got the ring, yeah? - Yeah.
Ask him if he wants any work doing. In exchange for food.
I'm strong, tell him I'm strong.
Excuse me my friend.. very strong.
And my father.. strong...ish
I've got three sons here. With me.
Very strong. Double your strength.
If there's a job that needs doing, they come and do it, yeah?
He says he's got three adult sons in here with him who
are twice the size of us.
So if he needs any work doing he'll just ask them.
Bollocks. Well, what does he want then?
There must be a king of like quid pro quo?
Quid pro quo?
Those designer shoes... Are they real?
- Er, Dad? - What, son?
He's asking if those designer shoes you've got on are the real deal.
I don't see many alternatives, if you wanna eat.
We could make some new ones?
Make some? Out of what, old laid around shite?
They're deadstock.
You know, I seriously don't know if this is a good deal.
Look, no-one's gonna lend us any cash John.
And a chicken goes a long way.
You've had my eyes out there you crafty old ***.
There we go.
Looks like we've got a chicken.
What's taking so long man?
Stu mate. Can I ask you something?
Do you reckon it's sort of my fault.
As well as Greg's.
'Coz I put that stuff in me trousers at the airport.
Do you reckon they've added years on us for that?
I dunno mate. You seemed pretty sure yesterday that was totally
different, didn't you?
Got the ring?
You got the ring yeah?
Er...
er
Please, help us.
Senores.. only a little English, okay?
We think our friend is here.
We think he was brought here.
I need to..
we would like you to bury our friend.
Si, yes. Understood.
We brought this. As payment. For him.
Yes, very good.
Is normal, okay.
Normal? What's..?
No, no it's a good ring mate. Look look, it's lovely, innit?
And I need a phone. To call England.
A phone senor? A telephone?
It's a good ring..
It's a nice ring mate.
Understood, sir.
The ring of your friend. My phone.
Swap? Right, um, well does it, does it have credit? On the phone?
- Dinero on the phone? - Yes...to call London.
Yes, yes. Some.
Enough. Many calls locales but... London?
Call London? One, two times maybe.
- Two time. two times... - Hmm. Yeah.
I mean as long...as long
- as it can still be up here... - Okay. Okay yeah, deal.
But wait, where will you bury Ant?
- Bury? - Where you gonna put our friend?
Plus? As well bury?
No, no, no. Senors. No. One only.
No.
- Ry, Ry, we need the phone mate.. - No, no..
- Sorry, one second. - No, no!
Ry Ry - you, John, Clem, Hugo, Kai all came here because of me.
You're all here because of me.
Now, if *** Greg thinks he can get them home then I have to
believe him. D'you understand?
Senors? Please.
This is your way to make good for what you did.
Yeah.
Do it.
*** sake Greg!
Want to leave a message?
Sorry um, do you know where she is?
Wow. You should open the door.
Then we can get to know each other better.
Usually I know where Selma is but today..
No I don't.
Don't really get about like I used to.
What did you do?
Bet you're thinking about getting out. I can help you escape.
No I don't think so.
What? Why not?
Why? Because you're a woman in a *** cage and I wanna live.
If you think you can trust her, you can't, because she's a..
Donde esta "Selma"?
Lots of things you can do with a chicken over a fire.. sear it, fry it,
boil it, make the bones into a soup..
Right shut the *** up, please son.
Thanks. I've eaten chicken.
Donde esta Greg?
Right, Kai you take the chicken home.
Make sure it can't get out.
Come on.
"Greg". We want stupid Greg.
Try again but say por favor.
There he is!
Stupid Greg!
Where'd he go?
Sorry Ant.
This *** for the Monster. The Monster.
Wha, what - "Monstruo".
Monstruo as in Monster? What are you saying?
You have no money so we will dispose of the corpse our way.
Hello, my love.
Oh ***, it's barely even working.
They're here, they're here, they're here.
Just get there yeah?
Get to the *** bed, give him the *** phone, end this nightmare.
Ry, ok, but if you go in there, all guns blazing,
and tell them we've given Greg a phone,
they might think we're in on it.
Yeah, right, yeah.
- Right? - Yeah.
We've got this.
Oi! Ryan! Did you see him?
He's gone. He's *** gone! And you!
- Where's the ring? Huh? - Alright, alright, Hugo..
- ***head? Where's the *** ring? - Hugo, just calm..
No John. Where, the ***, did you
- Just calm down! - two get to? Hah?
Where the *** is Stu?
We er, took the ring to the roof.
Swapped it for a burial plot for Ant.
So his family could find him.
Oh. That actually...
that actually sounds like the right thing to do did you manage it?
To bury him?
Yeah, yeah we can't be there when they do it. Because um,
it's outside the prison grounds. The graveyard.
Right, well where the *** is Stu, hah?
He took off, just er, I dunno, probably back at the cell.
About Stu. I'll tell you this, mate.
I don't know any drug smugglers,
right, and I want to think the best of Stu in all this.
Give him the benefit of whatever.
Y'know. He's marrying my bloody daughter after all.
- But I can't help thinking.. - The wedding suppliers.
- What? - Tell him about the wedding suppliers.
Oh yeah. Why have I got wedding suppliers chasing me for a down
payment on his wedding?
If he's got this big job in "comms" that
- takes him all round the world? - John, it's..
Y'know? I am currently standing, shoeless, in a prison, Ryan.
It's all starting to strike me as just a little bit mad.
You don't think so?
Look, I don't blame you for thinking the way you're thinking, right?
I understand. But..
You don't know Stu like I know him.
Stu would not have done this to you
'cause it means he would've done it to me.
And we're not you and him, we are me and him.
He didn't meet me when he was off at university acting like some
flash little twat did he?
Me and Stu are like *** brothers.
And when I look at him I don't just see what you two see,
I just see the little boy..
knocking on my door in the middle of the night, crying
*** piss in his trousers, alright?
So this is Greg. This is all *** Greg. And that's it.
Greg's gone, mate. We saw him run, he's gone.
Whaddaya *** mean he's gone?
You got the phone? You got the phone?
Listen make the call, make the call.
The others aren't far off, let's go.
Hey. Yeah, it's er, one of Guppy's guys. Greg.
Yeah we were due into Heathrow yesterday
but we got snagged on the way. I'm calling from prison,
Puerco Negro. Around forty.
- Forty? - Forty keys.
- Forty? - Yep, yep, I know, it was completely unexpected, it just...
one of us got rushed into hospital and then it all came apart.
What d'you mean? One of-mate? "One" of us? One of?
Yeah. OK, ok, just hold on.
I think they're looking to pin this on someone.
Money-wise.
They're gonna come after my family mate,
if I don't get this right.
You haven't got much family, have you?
It's just you and your mum, innit?
Stu, listen to me mate,
I need you to take the blame for this, okay?
I'm gonna pin it on you.
Just say that you overpacked the balloon and it burst, alright?
Are you taking the piss? Why would I *** agree to do that..
Shh. All your friends.. in here, in this prison with us..
they all think this is my *** fault, and only my fault.
And I've kept your name out of this so far,
and I'll continue to keep my mouth shut
if you take this *** phone and you're going to tell London
that it was all your fault, d'you understand?
D'you understand?
I *** swear down Stu, if you don't,
I will tell your friends the truth.
Hey this is Stu. Another of Guppy's boys. Here with Greg.
Yeah. Go.
Greg *** up.
***.. what you doing.. ahhh!
Greg overpacked a balloon, it split.
You're a *** dead man, you're a dead man! Ahh!
Yeah, he overpacked a bag and it split. Split in his stomach.
Od'd at the airport, police arrived, *** nightmare..
Ahhh! Ahh you ***.. ahh! Ahh!
Sorry, sorry, there's *** fighting going on in the prison yeah?
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah yeah.
Listen, Listen we were always told, call this number if we hit trouble.
You could bribe the right person, politician,
or whatever, get us outta here..
Yeah, yeah we're just in.
Yep, this is the best number... shall we expect a call?
We haven't much call credit cool, cool.
Stu.
Thank you.
Greg. I'm sorry about that mate.
But you didn't leave me much choice there.
When we get back to London...
listen there is no way I could throw my old mum in it like that.
Greg?
Er, er..***!
It's occupied!
*** 'ell.
***!
I'm shitting myself!
Don't you *** owe me 200k?
Was I a bit too cuddly with you?
Did I not correctly convey that I could cut you into little lumps?
Obviously we don't have your money just yet but I'm sure..
with time, we can get our hands on or work off..
- *** - Jesus - Oh shit.
Where's Greg? Where's shit Greg?
She's cut me nose off.
I heard Greg lived. Good for Greg.
Checked himself out without even a thank you. Bad for Greg.
We dunno where Greg is,
we *** hate Greg,
he's the reason we're *** stuck in here and he's the reason that your
brother's killed Ant.
But we are very grateful. To you.
But we just got here yeah, so we'll work for you we'll do..
Can any of you... losers...Sing?
Sing?
There's a *** feast day tomorrow. Can you sing?
Well, I er, I was considered a bit of a salt
in the Durham Review, actually.
Sing.
What exactly did you have in mind when you say...
All I need is somebody to lean on..
No no you're here, but I need you here.
It's you, Papacito. You will be my little canary.
Oi!
Hey.
You must never allow yourself to be alone with that man
in a toilet.
We're supposed to have each other's backs.
Since school I've had yours.
We need to lie low. If they find us we're dead.
- Kneel down! - If you wanna live, then escape.
- Of course - I have your back.
Where the *** is Stu?
Kai, mate, what's gotten into you?
*** run!
Wait!