1 00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:10,400 What time is it? 2 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:13,480 T-minus nine hours to Toni's wedding. 3 00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:15,080 Time to get started. 4 00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:17,720 Just a few people in the back garden though, isn't it? 5 00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:04,200 Mum, what's for breakfast? 6 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:17,240 You all right, Batman? 7 00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:19,440 I'm not having tired eyes on my wedding day. 8 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:21,040 Er, where are the chairs? 9 00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:23,600 From Jill at 43. 10 00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:25,840 She said she's got a foldup one, too, if you want it. 11 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:27,400 Good lad. Keep 'em coming. 12 00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:30,160 Sally at 46 now. Mind her Jack Russell. 13 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:31,440 They're not gonna match. 14 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:33,880 When I agreed to host, what did we agree, Craig? 15 00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:35,280 I'm on logistics. 16 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:36,360 I'm on vibes. 17 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:38,000 And Toni's doing nothing. 18 00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:39,880 So don't step to me about my chairs. 19 00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:41,880 I won't step to you about that centerpiece. 20 00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:43,400 Me and Mum spent a whole afternoon on this. 21 00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:44,760 A whole afternoon? 22 00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:46,920 Yeah, we went foraging in a wildflower meadow. 23 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:48,880 They're cornflowers to match Toni's eyes. 24 00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:50,600 Bloody hell. That looks amazing. 25 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:51,680 See, what did I tell ya? 26 00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:53,240 Are those cornflowers? 27 00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:55,800 Dane. 28 00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:58,800 Don't stain the tablecloths. I'm returning them after. 29 00:01:58,880 --> 00:01:59,840 Right you are, love. 30 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:11,480 I wanna look like a 21st century Julia Roberts. 31 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:13,080 I'm trying, Auntie Toni. 32 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:16,400 I based my speech on her monologue inErin Brockovich. 33 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:18,680 You're doing a speech? That's well feminist. 34 00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:19,880 Good for you. 35 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:21,400 Yeah, my final starring role 36 00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:23,200 before this one upstages me next week. 37 00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:24,920 What you gonna call him? 38 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:28,160 Oh, you know, how blokes always name their sons after themselves. 39 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:29,960 Are you gonna call him Craig? 40 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:32,080 No, Toni, with a "Y". 41 00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:36,920 Aw, hello, my little flower girl. 42 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:38,520 You ready to throw some petals? 43 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:40,920 Granny said it's just a pretend wedding, today. 44 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:42,040 Oh, thank you, Gloria. 45 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,960 -Is it pretend? -No. 46 00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:45,720 Well, tomorrow we're gonna sign some papers, 47 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:47,920 but today is the bit that matters 'cause you're here. 48 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:49,920 I found this in the Rice Krispies. 49 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,440 Hmm, what's this? 50 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:53,400 Oh, that's just a silly letter. 51 00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:55,040 You go get your petals. 52 00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:57,840 "Notice of eviction?" 53 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,520 Yeah, it's the landlord doing a power play. 54 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:02,120 He's all mouth, no trousers. 55 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:04,120 Auntie Toni, it looks serious. 56 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,360 Yeah, why do you think I hid it in the Rice Krispies? 57 00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:08,040 Craig just worries about these things. 58 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:10,480 There, sorted. Ooh. 59 00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:13,200 Baby kicking. 60 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:15,240 As this is a no-cost wedding, 61 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:18,040 I'm here in lieu of a Rolls-Royce to escort you, 62 00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:19,840 beautiful lady, to the venue. 63 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:21,640 You look amazing, Gran. 64 00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:22,800 Hey, less of the grandma. 65 00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:24,800 And if any fellas ask, I'm your sister. 66 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:28,080 When you're ready. 67 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:34,720 How are those lights coming on, Dane? 68 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:36,120 Looking ace, mate. 69 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:37,880 Impactful. 70 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:39,160 Are you sure you don't need any help? 71 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:40,960 No, vibes are in hand, thank you, Paula. 72 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:42,720 Just finishing twining me ivy. 73 00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:45,880 Incoming! Craig, close your eyes! 74 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:48,040 Bad luck to see the bride, in't it? 75 00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:50,720 Oh, I don't believe in bad luck. 76 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:52,520 He's been waiting for this his whole life. 77 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:53,960 Drink it in, Craig. 78 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:01,440 Toni! 79 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:02,840 Get inside! Quick. 80 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:04,440 The bedroom's all set up for you. 81 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:07,360 Nobody move until I've sorted that glass. 82 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:09,000 Someone's not an happy camper. 83 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:12,320 Yeah, she's been a bit busy warming a few sausage rolls and whatnot. 84 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:15,920 Peggy Babcock. Peggy Babcock. Pebby Gab... 85 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:17,040 Peggy Babcock. Pebby. 86 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:18,360 Peggy Babcock. Peggy Babcock... 87 00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:19,480 You speaking in tongues? 88 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:20,800 No, I'm doing my vocal warm up. 89 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:22,440 How warm do you have to be to say "I do"? 90 00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:23,600 No, for my speech! 91 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,960 Based it on Julia Roberts' monologue inErin Brockovich. 92 00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:27,680 You know, when she takes the water company down. 93 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:29,720 I've always wanted to perform that in front of an audience. 94 00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:32,000 Isn't that about people's spines deteriorating? 95 00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:34,760 Oh, yeah, but I've adapted it to make it about love and stuff. 96 00:04:34,840 --> 00:04:36,680 -Oh. -Anyway, nice of you to show up. 97 00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:37,960 Where have you been for the last two weeks? 98 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:39,080 Oh, just with Pickles. 99 00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:41,720 Oh, warmed up to the most miserable man in Yorkshire, have you? 100 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:43,240 He's actually really thoughtful. 101 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:45,320 People just think it means he's miserable. 102 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:46,200 Where is he? 103 00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:48,160 Oh, he's taking a walk through a graveyard. 104 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:51,040 He says weddings make him think about the transience of life. 105 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:53,480 Never knew blokes could be interesting. 106 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:54,560 What about Craig? 107 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:55,880 Craig's hobby's polishing shoes. 108 00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,800 Oh, well, you don't complain when he's polishing yours. 109 00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:59,120 Right, I've got most of it, 110 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:01,080 but I'm not having you going out there barefoot. 111 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:03,360 Paula, that is what boho is. 112 00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:05,440 -Bare feet. -Well, boo-hoo. 113 00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:06,840 That AstroTurf's on hire. 114 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:08,560 I'm not having you severing an artery on it. 115 00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:09,520 Now wear these. 116 00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:11,360 They're brand new, those. Real shearling. 117 00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:13,360 -So don't stain them. -My God. 118 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:15,960 I don't know what she's so stressed about. 119 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:17,080 It's my wedding day. 120 00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:18,280 She's only hosting. 121 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:20,040 Can't imagine, Toni. 122 00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:26,760 Is this the Blair-Callaghan wedding? 123 00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:27,640 That's us. 124 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:30,600 I'm Jason Pickles. With Rana? 125 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:33,240 I'm Dane. 126 00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:35,040 Rana's told us loads about you. 127 00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:37,920 -I never normally get to meet her fellas. -How come? 128 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:40,400 Oh, there's just so many of them. And they come and go so fast. 129 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:44,400 No, forget that. 130 00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:45,400 Aw, what you got there? 131 00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:46,640 Oh, it's a bit of light reading. 132 00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:48,080 Shakespeare'sLove Sonnets. 133 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:49,440 Right. 134 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:51,280 Rana said you're a big reader. 135 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:52,920 You read anything by Peter Kay? 136 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:54,200 No. 137 00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:56,320 Well, you should. 138 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:57,840 -I will. -Yeah. 139 00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:00,800 Oh, thanks for helping, Lisa. 140 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:02,320 Anything for you, Craig. 141 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:05,000 If Toni doesn't show up, you know where I am. 142 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:07,440 What's this? 143 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:10,480 Oh, I put out PTA SOS, and Lisa came up trumps. 144 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:12,000 What's wrong with these chairs? 145 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:13,200 They're mismatched. 146 00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:14,640 It's a boho wedding. 147 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:16,080 What do you think boho means? 148 00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:18,720 Like wicker and twine and wildflowers. 149 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:21,280 No, no. It means really bloody cheap. 150 00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:23,120 This is a budgetless wedding, Craig. 151 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:27,040 Actually, Bohemianism was a 19th century artistic movement... 152 00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:31,480 It's not important. 153 00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:34,120 It's just a little tweak, Paula, I didn't think you'd mind. 154 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:35,320 I don't mind. 155 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:36,720 I don't mind at all. 156 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:38,480 No, chill, that's me. 157 00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:41,920 At the end of the day, they're just *** chairs, aren't they? 158 00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:46,840 I'll go. 159 00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:58,760 -Paula? -Wait till nicotine's kicked in. 160 00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:03,360 Okay, you can speak now. What is it? 161 00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:04,800 Tablecloths, wrong color? 162 00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:06,680 Egg salad, not to your taste? 163 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,640 Nah, it's great, Paula. Honestly. You're doing an amazing job. 164 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:11,600 Except on chairs, apparently. 165 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:14,080 - I know. I'm sorry. I shouldn-- - No, you shouldn't. 166 00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:16,120 I've worked my ass off for you two. 167 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:17,520 I know. 168 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:19,880 I just wanted today to be perfect, like Toni. 169 00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:23,760 Toni? Perfect? 170 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:25,560 She cupped a buttock. 171 00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:27,040 She ruined a gender reveal. 172 00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:30,000 She's inside rehearsing anErin Brockovichmonologue. 173 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:32,640 Oh, God love you, Craig. 174 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:35,560 I just want her to have the wedding she deserves. 175 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:37,600 She will, mate. 176 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:40,320 -I'll take the chairs back. -Nah, you're all right. 177 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:43,000 I'm pretty sure Sue's slat back's got dry rot. 178 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:46,440 Having second thoughts, love? 179 00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:48,440 Because Sarah from church has been asking after you. 180 00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:50,560 No, no, no second thoughts, Mum. 181 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,320 Just having a little joke. 182 00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:57,080 I'm on my best behavior today. 183 00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:59,600 Oh, I got you something, young Craig. 184 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:00,720 Ah... 185 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:05,400 Buttonhole. 186 00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:07,160 I lathed it for you. 187 00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:08,560 Thanks, mate. 188 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:11,320 -Hmm. -T-minus one hour. 189 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:13,360 Time to get suited and booted, Craig. 190 00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:14,760 Let's get this show on the road! 191 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:48,920 Of course, the true Bohemians eschewed permanent ties. 192 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:50,480 My kind of people. 193 00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:57,480 Borrowed and blue. 194 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:03,040 It's just like in my wedding book. 195 00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:04,480 I feel a bit bloated. 196 00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:05,800 Nah, doesn't show. 197 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:08,360 Friends, family, 198 00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:11,240 we are gathered to celebrate the love of Toni and-- 199 00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:12,040 Craig! 200 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:13,880 Too late, Shar! I'm marrying him. 201 00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:16,080 There's bailiffs at your place. Taking your stuff. 202 00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:17,320 What? 203 00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:18,280 But we're up to date on rent! 204 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:19,560 Oh, this is outrageous. 205 00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:20,560 Don't worry, I'll sort it. 206 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:21,960 They can't do this without eviction notice. 207 00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:23,880 Auntie Toni, you'll have to tell him. 208 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:25,480 Tell me what, Tone? 209 00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:27,440 Mummy hid a letter in the Rice Krispies. 210 00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:29,480 Thanks, and I didn't hide it, I filed it. 211 00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:30,600 In the Rice Krispies? 212 00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:31,680 Well, it doesn't matter now anyway, 213 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:32,960 'cause I think we've got bigger things to worry about. 214 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:34,160 What can possibly be bigger than this? 215 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,320 I think my water's just broke. 216 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:37,520 Oh, for Goodness sake! 217 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:38,800 What is happening, Craig? 218 00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:40,320 You're nine months gone, you're cramping, 219 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:41,200 and your water's have just broke. 220 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:42,880 -I think you're in labor, mate. -No! I can't be! 221 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:44,200 He's not due till next week! 222 00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:45,760 Blair boys always come early. 223 00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:47,840 Craig caught me unawares in Debenhams. 224 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:50,280 I did say when I got my wedding e-vite-- 225 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:52,120 Well, he can't be here yet, Gloria, 226 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:53,400 'cause I've not even done my speech yet. 227 00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:54,600 I need to give the people what they want. 228 00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:56,560 Look, they're not here to see you giving birth, Tone. 229 00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:57,720 Let's just go. Come on. 230 00:09:57,800 --> 00:09:59,120 They're taking your sofa. 231 00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:01,280 DFS? Very nice... 232 00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:03,200 -Oh, for God's-- -I'll sort it, Toni. 233 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:04,240 Come on, love, this way. 234 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:05,280 Come on, we need to get you to hospital. 235 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:07,640 It's too late, Craig. It's coming now, just call the midwife. 236 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:09,000 Just come upstairs with me now. 237 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:12,120 Never mind the speech, just come on upstairs. 238 00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:15,280 Okay, love, let's just get you a lie down... 239 00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:19,240 Thing is, you just get a much warmer sound with vinyl. 240 00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:21,080 Oi! Put that stuff back right now! 241 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:23,160 No can do. 242 00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:24,760 This place is being repossessed. 243 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:26,160 It isn't. 244 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:29,480 This is the HQ of the biggest drugs operation in the East Riding. 245 00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:30,480 Are you sure? 246 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:32,800 It's just full of very clean shoes and hippie rugs. 247 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:34,720 We've been watching this place for months. 248 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:37,000 Haven't we, Pickles? 249 00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:38,880 Right. 250 00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:40,360 Yeah, months. 251 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:41,920 You get in the way of two years of police work, 252 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:44,600 and I'll make it my personal mission to bring you two down. 253 00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:45,600 Us? 254 00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:47,680 -What have we done? -You tell me. 255 00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:49,200 Is your van fully insured? 256 00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:50,680 No unpaid fines? 257 00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:52,520 Your tax all in order? 258 00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:55,160 You heard her. 259 00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:56,600 Get it all back in. 260 00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:57,640 Good lad. 261 00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:00,560 - Look, this is gonna pass, we've got ages, honestly! - No. No. 262 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:01,520 - I'm gonna do my speech! - Okay. Okay. 263 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:03,680 Well, let's get you a lie down then until it does, eh? 264 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:05,200 No, no one go anywhere! 265 00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:06,520 - All right. - No one go anywhere! 266 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:07,680 This wedding is still happening! 267 00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:09,640 Craig, do not let anyone leave! Do not let anyone leave! 268 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:10,880 Please, let's go inside. 269 00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:12,840 Craig, John and I will handle the guests. 270 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:14,040 Amazing. Thank you. 271 00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:19,160 Hello, everyone, remain seated. 272 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:21,960 A slight hiccup in proceedings. 273 00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:23,360 But fear not. 274 00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:27,440 I happen to have a background in light entertainment. 275 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:33,400 If you frequented Leeds nightclubs in the '70s... 276 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:34,160 Sixties. 277 00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:35,880 ...you might remember, 278 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:39,280 a double act called Red & Ginger! 279 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:40,720 Never heard of 'em. 280 00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:42,400 Take it away, John. 281 00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:48,600 "Poor old Johnnie Ray..." 282 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:51,800 What? 283 00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:54,560 Insecure housing's a stain on our society, 284 00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:56,040 but the law is the law. 285 00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:57,760 They ignored an eviction notice. 286 00:11:57,840 --> 00:11:59,840 Oh, that's just Toni, she can't handle stuff like... 287 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:01,880 Well, like anything, really. 288 00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:03,640 Is she worth losing your job over? 289 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:06,120 What you gonna do, grass me up? 290 00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:08,960 No, but someone will, sooner or later. 291 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:10,640 You're the best cop I've worked with. 292 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:12,880 - Don't waste that. - I'm not gonna. 293 00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:16,880 Best you worked with? 294 00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:18,120 By far. 295 00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:23,240 In fact, there's something I wanted to ask you. 296 00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:24,880 Something big. 297 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:28,960 Oh, this better not be what I think it is, Pickles? 298 00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:31,920 HR sorted my transfer to the Met. 299 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:34,000 You're leaving? 300 00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:35,760 - But what about-- - Come with me. 301 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:37,200 You'd thrive in London. 302 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:38,160 I thrive here. 303 00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:39,280 - Do you? - Yeah. 304 00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:41,480 Look at what you end up doing for your mates. 305 00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:43,560 Covering up your mum's HRT scam, 306 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:46,760 menacing a bailiff and you even tasered a fellow officer. 307 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:47,840 Yeah. 308 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:49,560 And I'd do it again. 309 00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:50,760 Just... 310 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:53,400 Just think about it. 311 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:55,240 Please. 312 00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:13,600 "Come on, Talulah- roolah- ray..." 313 00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:17,040 I wasn't expecting to see Gloria's gusset today. 314 00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:20,560 - "Now you have found" - "Come on" 315 00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:23,240 "Oh, Eileen" 316 00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:24,240 "Come on!" 317 00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:28,040 Oh, God, I can't believe he's doing this to me. 318 00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:29,720 He's gonna have the next 18 years. 319 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:31,200 Couldn't he at least give me today? 320 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:32,640 Keep breathing, Tone. 321 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:34,480 Spot of news. Just spoke to the midwife. 322 00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:35,640 What's the ETA? 323 00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:38,160 She's at a prolonged labor, but she's sending someone else. 324 00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:39,320 So when are they getting here? 325 00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:40,560 45 minutes. 326 00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:43,080 We don't have 45 minutes, it's happening now! 327 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:44,840 On my second- best duvet cover. 328 00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:46,320 I'm gonna fetch the birthing playlist. 329 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,640 Yeah, like that's gonna make all the difference! 330 00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:50,400 That's very soothing vibes. 331 00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:53,560 Come on. 332 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:59,680 - "At this moment, You mean..." - "Everything..." 333 00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:02,000 Can I get this shower curtain under you, Tone? 334 00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:03,800 Bailiffs are sorted, Tone. 335 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:05,280 Rana! Rana! I need you! 336 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:06,720 *** off, Paula! 337 00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:09,840 Rana! Rana! Please! 338 00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:12,680 Make yourself useful and get her knickers off! 339 00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:14,480 No, Paula, nothing gynecological, please. 340 00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:15,680 Take the head end then! 341 00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:17,040 - Quickly! - Oh... 342 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:19,600 Hiya, mate. You all right... 343 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:22,240 Christ, you're strong! 344 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:24,800 Why? Why? Why? 345 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:27,000 - Why did I do this? - I don't know. 346 00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:28,640 We're crowning. You're gonna... 347 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,600 "These boots Are made for walking" 348 00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:32,960 "And that's just What they'll do" 349 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:37,440 "One of these days, These boots are gonna Walk all over you" 350 00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:39,800 - Paula, what shall I do? - Hold her. Just hold her. 351 00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:42,440 You're squeezing my arm a bit tight, Toni. 352 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:44,280 Help me. 353 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,080 What you want me to do? Go back in time and give you a condom? 354 00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:47,600 Toni, I think it's time to push! 355 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:50,200 I can't. I can't! I'm not ready! 356 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:51,080 Come on! 357 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:53,640 - ***, have I done a poo? - No. No. 358 00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:57,120 Where's Craig? I'm gonna *** kill him! 359 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:10,640 Hello. Mind if I come in? 360 00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:12,000 Is Mummy okay? 361 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:14,520 She's been a bit noisy, but that's Mummy, eh? 362 00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:16,880 Oh! 363 00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:19,320 What if the baby has nowhere to live? 364 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:23,760 Don't worry, darling. 365 00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:25,520 Daddy will sort it. 366 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:27,120 That's my job, right? 367 00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:28,040 Yeah. 368 00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:29,200 That's your job. 369 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,560 Come here. Give me a cuddle. 370 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:38,080 Look at me! Look at me! 371 00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:40,720 This is your big day. You are the leading lady. 372 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:41,680 This is your big number. 373 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:43,080 So make sure they can hear you at the back. 374 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:45,000 Come on, Toni Callaghan, push! 375 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:47,520 Oh, my God! Put your leg down. 376 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:48,960 Just a bit wider. 377 00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:51,800 Calm down. It's nearly here. 378 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:53,800 - Look at me. Push! - Push! 379 00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:03,200 Mum, is she, is she all right? 380 00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:04,760 She's just having a baby. It's all right. 381 00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:06,080 Yeah, but she sounds like... 382 00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:15,360 I'm a grandmother again! 383 00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:21,000 That should be my applause. 384 00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:28,120 I won't ask for an encore. 385 00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:31,000 Hey, you little scene stealer. 386 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,240 Mmm. 387 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:41,360 You owe me a new duvet cover. 388 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:43,680 Congratulations, Craig. 389 00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:51,120 Hiya, mate. 390 00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:53,440 You've picked a helluva time. 391 00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:54,920 Eh? 392 00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:56,680 I'm sorry. 393 00:16:58,080 --> 00:16:59,000 What for? 394 00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:01,080 He's absolutely perfect. 395 00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:03,600 No, for hiding the eviction notice. 396 00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:05,640 And... 397 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:07,520 hiding being in labor. 398 00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:10,640 Well, as long as you're not hiding anything else from me. 399 00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:12,080 No. 400 00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:24,640 That were mental. 401 00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:26,680 Yeah, *** mental, mate. 402 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:28,160 Toni Callaghan? 403 00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:29,320 Back bedroom. 404 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:31,600 I've done the hard yard, you can take it from here. 405 00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:37,280 Right. 406 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:38,960 Go on, sexy. 407 00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:48,040 You all right? 408 00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:51,080 Yeah. Just contemplating the transience of life. 409 00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:52,680 Yeah, me, too. 410 00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:57,280 Look... 411 00:17:57,560 --> 00:17:58,800 - Pickles... - I know. 412 00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:00,440 This lot, 413 00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:02,920 they'd be *** without me. 414 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:05,760 And I'd be *** without them. 415 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,120 So, London? 416 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:11,680 I don't think I can go. 417 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:14,360 And I don't think I can stay. 418 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:18,400 So where does that leave us? 419 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:21,560 Well, you know my motto. 420 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:23,400 "Cheer up, Pickles, you miserable ***?" 421 00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:24,760 No. 422 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:28,280 Have fun tonight and worry about it in the morning. 423 00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:30,480 Spoken like a true Bohemian. 424 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:40,280 Take cake, love. 425 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,040 - See, ya. - Thanks for coming. 426 00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:42,840 Cake. 427 00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:46,480 - Bit of red velvet. - Ah, thanks, Nima. 428 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:48,800 We'll be in touch about the re-do, in't it? 429 00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:50,120 All right, bye. 430 00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:05,000 So we had to explain, didn't we? 431 00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:06,880 That actually we weren't dogging. 432 00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:08,920 - Yes. - We were batting. 433 00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,920 He's a regular Chris Packham, in't he, our John? 434 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:17,000 Yes. 435 00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:18,320 My John. 436 00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:19,800 Who would like to meet our son? 437 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:27,480 - These painkillers are great! - Are they? 438 00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:29,240 I'm having a really nice time. 439 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:30,800 That's good. 440 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:32,240 Okay. Mmm-hmm. 441 00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:33,600 He's got my nose. 442 00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:36,120 No, Dane, that's not how genetics work. 443 00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:38,280 Unless there's something you need to tell us, Toni. 444 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:40,360 Good one, Gloria. 445 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:50,680 You all right, love? 446 00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:52,840 - That was funny. - Yeah. 447 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,680 - Oh, he's so cute. - Mmm. 448 00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:59,640 He looks just like you. 449 00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:01,520 A little Craig. 450 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,480 Just need to work out where he's gonna live now. 451 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:05,160 About that. 452 00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:08,160 John and I put in an offer on your place. 453 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:09,920 If it's accepted... 454 00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:12,160 - you can stay. - Mum. 455 00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:13,960 That's too much. 456 00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:15,760 Oh, you'll still be paying rent. 457 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,200 This is my retirement fund. 458 00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:19,320 Oh. Mate's rates though, right? 459 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:21,440 Hmm. We'll discuss that. 460 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:23,560 You're all right, you, Doreen. 461 00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:26,440 I guess you're our landlord now. 462 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:28,680 Yes, I suppose I am. 463 00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:31,480 Oh, in that case, the shower really does need replacing, you know, 464 00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:33,840 because it's not been the same since I ripped it off the wall. 465 00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:35,640 You know, when I was trying to mas-- 466 00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:36,560 Yeah, we know. We know. 467 00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:38,680 So, are you still getting married? 468 00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:40,280 Well, we still have the arch. 469 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:41,760 We still have the rings. 470 00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:43,240 We've written the vows. 471 00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:44,520 What else do we need? 472 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,160 Well, officially, er, you need an officiant. 473 00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:50,320 Oh, I've done a few weddings and some funerals, too. 474 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:53,120 Cash in hand, and then there's money in your back pocket, in't it? 475 00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:55,040 Well, we wanted a boho wedding, darling. 476 00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:57,400 Doesn't get much more boho than this. 477 00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:58,520 What do you say? 478 00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:00,160 Still want to get married? 479 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:07,240 I now pronounce you husband and wife. 480 00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:08,880 You may kiss the bride. 481 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,480 We did it. We're married. 482 00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:19,280 Not in the eyes of the law. 483 00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:20,640 Although it'll all be taken care of 484 00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:22,480 when you go to the registry office tomorrow. 485 00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:23,400 What time is it? 486 00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:25,360 Oh, I'm not sure. Toni booked it, didn't you, Tone? 487 00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:27,800 Uh, do they not do walk-ins? 488 00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:31,440 Never mind. 489 00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:33,640 This is all I ever wanted anyway. 490 00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:36,160 Sorry for trying to arrest you that time. 491 00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:37,240 Out of order, that. 492 00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:39,440 It's not my first. It won't be my last. 493 00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:42,480 I'm no stranger to the strong arm of the law. 494 00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:44,560 Hey, you wanna hold on to this one, love? 495 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:45,960 I know. 496 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:48,600 We've decided on a name. 497 00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:51,080 He's going to be Paul. 498 00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:52,720 In honor of you, Paul. 499 00:21:53,360 --> 00:21:54,760 For giving us the best wedding ever. 500 00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:56,160 And pulling him out. 501 00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:58,360 That's lovely, that. 502 00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:02,840 Right. Now for my speech.