Not every day you have breakfast on a millionaire's yacht.
Good lad, that Justin.
He says we can stay as long as we like.
Shame we can't leave the marina though.
Oh, incoming.
They have to cast me in this.
What's the part? Hamlet?
Rana, no, Ursula Sea Witch.
Ashley did my makeup. Did the legs myself.
Those are my thermal leggings?
Yeah.
Pity Paula's missing the fun.
Is she still drilling up your place, Dane?
Yeah, it's like a branch of Screwfix round ours.
Easy, love.
Remember, you're octopedal now.
I can do it.
-Shit! -Toni!
-I'm coming, Ton! -Craig!
Hold on!
Rawl plug me!
Lovely little apprentice you are.
Can I have Ashley's room, now she's moved out?
Nice try, love.
I tell you what, pass Mommy her drill
and I'll think about it.
Oh, babe, babe, babe, electric bill.
But I'm all soggy.
Surely one soggy leg is all right, innit?
Toni, I heard you fell in the sea.
Briefly.
That's a bold choice of foundation.
I'm afraid I won't be able to come tonight, Craig.
I have a dinner engagement.
Oh, Mom, bake-off night won't be the same
without you savaging the showstoppers.
You call that a sponge?
You're a joke, Sandra!
I'm sorry. Something came up.
Just dropping off the baby sling I got.
Someone in our family needs to prepare for our new arrival.
to steal a young mermaid's voice.
'Scuse me, Gloria, Got an audition to nail.
Break eight legs!
Thanks for hosting me while my kitchen's being done.
The shine off my new cupboards will blind a ***.
Right. I've got Dwayne Johnson's back catalogue
and a box of Castle Blush,
all lined up for us. Mind your head.
The Rock and rose.
Now that's what I call a girls night in.
Have you got everything you need? 'Cause I'm not on duty till later.
There are a few bits and bobs I could do with.
But don't you want to wait for Captain Justin to return?
Nah, saw him last night.
He'll be zonked till tea time, sleeping it off.
That's my girl. Now let's hit up Boots!
It's a bit all right, innit?
Better than Grace's old tatty one.
I know... Oh!
Check it out.
I didn't get the part.
Oh, shit! Yeah, sorry.
You're in your sadness onesie.
Yeah, my due date being on opening night is a problem?
It's discrimination, Craig.
Don't worry, babe. There'll be more auditions.
No, there won't.
Who wants to hire this?
Come on, don't be like that.
Here, put your phone down. Let's talk about it.
Not while you're wearing that.
Hmm.
Sorry, I should've took the baby out first.
That is not a baby, Craig.
That is a chicken. The baby is not here yet!
I'm sorry, I just got a bit excited.
Well, I was going places before this.
I had my acting classes in Leeds,
like, the big time!
I refuse for the next four months thinking about babies.
Now, if you don't mind, I've got some mindless scrolling to do.
Oh, my God, Craig, your mom!
What? Is she okay?
She's changed her status to "in a relationship."
He's called John Fox.
No wonder she's canceled bake-off night.
She's out with some fancy man.
Oh, my God, he's only 45.
He's 45?
This is an absolute gift.
I am genuinely feeling love towards your mom right now.
I need to get out of my sadness onesie into my triumph onesie.
Forty-five...
Mom, how much stuff do you need? You're only staying a week.
It's not for me. It's for the menopause.
She's high-maintenance.
For the hot flushes.
It's like being microwaved.
Proper mafting.
These are lifesavers.
Surely the whole point of the menopause
is you don't need those anymore.
Dual purpose, isn't it?
Pop a couple in your bra to soak up night sweats.
"Night sweats"?
I get them something terrible.
Just the other week, I soaked clean through my Silentnight.
That sounds awful, Mam.
Well, can I do anything to help?
Unless you can turn me into a middle-aged man,
then all I'd have to worry about is my crypto
and how my pension plan's performing, and my moobs.
Ah, lube...
Oh, Mam, I don't mean to boast, but I don't actually need those.
Stock it while you can, princess.
In our family, Lady Menopause can turn up early.
She can?
Paula. Paula!
Toni, Toni...
-Yeah. -You can't be here.
-All this is toxic! -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Get out! -Come on, Paula, I ain't seen you in weeks.
No one has.
What, you having an affair with your power tools?
Listen. Hey, hey, hey.
Listen. Listen, listen. Have you got any Prosecco?
I can watch you drink, 'cause I have got gossip
that will restore your faith in humanity.
Listen, now, come on. Come on!
Seriously, you're gonna... You're gonna wanna hear this.
What?
Gloria, 45-year-old boyfriend.
And?
What? Did you hear me? ***!
Gloria, new fella.
Forty-fi... Forty-five?
Okay, Toni, get out.
-Oh, my God! -I've got work to do.
Do... Do not... Do not shut the door
on the greatest thing that's ever happened!
Forty-five!
Hey up, Mom, only me.
Give us a call back when you get this, please.
John Fox's facebook profile has got no picture.
It's suspicious.
Come on, let's not make any judgments till we've met him, eh?
Oh, come on, Craig.
What's a 45-year-old with his whole life ahead of him see in your mom?
Babe, it's nice that she's finally met someone,
especially after being on her own for so long.
-So what if he's a bit younger? -Craig...
Please let me have this.
Your mom's toy boy is all I've got right now.
Okay, fine.
I'll go over in the morning and get to the bottom of it.
Probably what John Fox is doing to your mom as we speak.
Toni...
Bloody hell!
No, DIY at night, Paula.
I'm not lying in bed feeling sorry for myself
when I could be lugging my rafters.
Just sitting with your feelings might be a good thing, you know?
I mean, that book about miscarriages said...
I know what it said.
But I chose to re-grout the bathroom
with my feelings about Ashley's miscarriage,
and now I'm converting the loft.
But Ash's doing great now, though,
with her course and flat.
-It's not about Ashley. -No?
Dan, love, I just need to power tool through my pain right now.
Here y'are, love. You stick them on.
You sleep on my side of the bed so you don't breathe in fiberglass.
Hiya.
Hi, can you help me with something?
Hi. Can I help you?
-Mate? Hello? -Sorry.
He can't see you, I'm afraid.
-Because you're menopausal. -What?
If you'd like to come with me, I can get you kitted out.
Oh!
Our standard menopause outfit.
Got the elastic waistband, for your bloated days.
One hundred percent cotton for your hot flushes
and a higher collar to cover that turkey neck.
"Turkey neck"?
Oh.
Get back or I'll pepper spray...
Oh, get round!
Let me join you for a nap.
Here, have this.
Wanna swap lives for a bit?
I thought you and Mom were having a great time.
We were. Till she gave me the lowdown on the menopause.
-Aw. -There's this one thing
that I can't stop thinking about, Dane. It's horrific.
-Please don't... -Vaginal atrophy, Dane.
-Vaginal atrophy. -Ugh.
Oh, of all the cop cars in Hull, I had to get into this one.
I had to pay Justin an emergency visit in the marina last night.
*** knackered now.
Well, I've gotta use it before I lose it, though, right?
Attention all units. Possible B&E, Thurlow Street.
Oh, sorry. I'd better get that.
Thank you.
Uh...
Wha...
Mom, are you there?
Paula? Paula, pick up!
We're on the trail of the East Riding Romeo.
East Riding Romeo?
Yeah, he's gotta have a nickname, Craig.
Haven't you watched any true crime?
I think Paula's avoiding me.
Have you asked her about it?
You don't just ask Paula about her feelings,
especially not when she's got power tools.
Well, she's not in. So that's that.
Wait. Toni, what are you doing?
Toni! Toni?
What? We're dealing with a deranged criminal here.
Yeah, you.
Fine.
I'll go through her bins.
Many a cold case has been solved through a bin rummage.
-Ew. -Oh, my God.
I don't know what's more disturbing,
Gloria buying kinky underwear or spending tenp on a carrier bag?
Oh, now I am worried.
Mom never goes anywhere without her bag full off.
Mom?
What if the East Riding Romeo's sex trafficked her to Leeds?
She could have been pimped out.
I think you might be getting a bit carried away, mate.
Do you remember when you thought the milkman was spying on you?
No, this is bigger than I thought. We need to get Rana on the case. Stat.
Rana's already on the case.
Oh, great.
Get on the ground and spread 'em.
Why you wearing a scarf?
I ask the questions.
The "East Riding Romeo" sex trafficked Craig's mom to Leeds?
Yeah. And the Ann Summers bag, there's a smoking gun.
Slam dunk.
Let's bust this perp.
Put out an APB.
Never mind. I'll do it.
-All units... -Get your grubby mitts off my radio.
I've had no sleep and there's a lot on my mind,
so don't push me, Toni Callaghan.
Did you notice the plant on the window?
No.
The East Riding Romeo didn't leave Gloria's pride and joy
in six inches of water before he left.
So, she clearly left of her own free will.
So, you're officially wasting my time.
Which makes a change from when you unofficially waste it.
Look, whatever weird couple thing you're doing
to spice things up, it's over.
Leave the detecting to the professionals, okay?
Sorry, Rana. It won't happen again.
Yeah, we're sorry, Rana. It won't happen again.
Good.
Toni, what have I said? You can't be here.
There's fiberglass here.
There's all sorts of toxic stuff, so just go.
I thought you might say something like that.
You're avoiding me.
No, I'm not avoiding you.
Just very busy.
Well, I'm not leaving till you tell me what's up.
I can't handle that you get to have a baby and Ashley doesn't.
It's not rational,
and I'm far too young to be a nan, but that's how I feel.
So I can't see you right now.
Oh, Paula.
No, I mean, I get it. That totally makes sense.
-Do you want this baby? -Don't take the piss, Toni.
I'm serious. I'm gonna need so much babysitting, Paula.
It might be easier just to sign it over to you.
That's not how grief works.
Thing is, I think I'm gonna resent it for ruining my career.
Mate, Grace already ruined your career.
Yeah, she probably did, didn't she?
You got nothing more to lose.
I think you're gonna be fine.
Do you wanna be my wingman and crack the case of the East Riding Romeo?
Nah, you're all right.
I'm three Rawl plugs away from shelving perfection.
You'll be sorry when I'm on the news.
I'm sure I will.
Oh, Toni! Toni, help!
Ugh!
Ouch!
Ashley?
Hello.
Look at you.
-Aw, you're doing so well. -Hi, Auntie Toni.
What are you up to?
Well, I've been investigating Gloria's new boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure he's a love fraud.
East Riding Romeo.
-Like on Netflix. -Yeah.
I've been ringing around restaurants to find out
where Gloria's dinner date is.
Now I'm gonna spring my trap.
Does Mom know? She's mad for a bit of true crime.
Can't go to sleep without having a murder podcast on.
I know. I've told her.
But she's a bit busy, you know, with her DIY.
Give her a ring, won't ya?
I was gonna ring her later, actually.
Ask her how me grill works.
Great.
Right. Can you work some magic on me with your beauty skills?
'Cause I need a disguise for my ambush.
She came back to rest.
But ends up absolutely livid.
- Look at her. - Yeah.
Just a silly sophomore.
Sorry, mate.
Back in you go.
Emergency! Get down here!
I repeat, get down here!
-Hi, are you ready to order? -Um...
Ooh...
Uh... I...
I'll just have another tap water, actually.
That was delicious, thank you.
Gets me every time,
Furious 7.
Oh...
Oh, shit. Did it end?
Not like you to sleep through a Rockathon.
To be honest, Mom, this whole
menopause thing's keeping me up at night.
I don't want to be invisible.
Who are you calling invisible?
-I keep me hand in. -No, not you. I meant me.
I'm a very visible person.
Love, you've taken down crime lords.
Bonky ovaries are nothing.
And you'll never be invisible.
You've got my genes.
I'll be with you every step of the way.
Promise.
Same here. Whatever you need.
Herbs, lotions,
confiscated Class A's from the nick.
You say the word.
Touch me.
-Would you like coffee? -Yeah.
Toni, what are you doing?
Why are you wearing a wig?
I'm fine, and it suits me.
Look, I've tracked them down.
Oh, my God.
You can't just come in here and spy on my mom.
Craig!
Mom.
Oh, what a coincidence.
-John Fox. -Craig.
My son Craig, and his, uh, Toni.
Abso-blooming-lutely delightful to meet you both.
-I've heard so much about you. -Ah, yeah.
Well, you... You should join us.
-No, we can't... -I'd love to, yeah.
Where have you been then, Gloria?
Touring the stately homes of the East Riding.
Ranked by gluten-free options and cleanliness of bathrooms.
Only English Heritage, mind.
The National Trust's been hijacked by anarchists.
Did you get our messages, Mom?
'Cause I got a bit worried, that was all.
I'm fine, Craigy.
John's quite the chivalrous gentleman.
I pledge fealty to thee, my lady.
No need to fight over me, boys.
Now, how did you two meet then, Gloria?
Slide into your DMs, did he?
Uh, John was litter picking.
Proud member of the Willerby Womblers right here.
I stopped to point out a mini Magnum wrapper
caught in a rhododendron.
And the rest, as they say, was that.
Litter picking is just one of John's hobbies.
He's quite the Renaissance man.
I like to try my hand at carpentry.
He's a whizz on the lathe.
Oh.
A little something for you.
A gift for Gloria's special soldier.
Oh...
Hmm.
Thanks, mate.
I'm sorry for worrying you.
I should have told you I was on a jaunt with John.
I just didn't want to cause any fuss.
This was supposed to be a quiet dinner for two.
Right.
Who am I fighting?
Gosh, he's even fitter on this one.
When is he not?
Toni.
She wants to do a citizen's arrest.
Better get down there.
Need any backup?
As the Rock would say,
"Woman, I'm the cavalry."
Yeah, go on then.
Just finish my lady petrol first.
So you're the East Riding Romeo.
Well, not been called that before.
What was your name again?
John Barnaby Fox.
At your service.
Ah, is this your blog about the historic brickwork of Hull?
Guilty as charged.
He's not the East Riding Romeo, Toni.
The only one being defrauded here is me.
Do not let him fool you.
He's a sheep in wolf's clothing.
I have got a really strong feeling in my gut, Paula.
I think that's your heartburn, mate.
Sorry about this, John.
Toni has an overactive imagination.
Yeah, babe, let's go, eh?
I mean, we've caused enough drama for one night.
I'm what you call a nice cold can of whoop-ass!
Hobbs & Shaw.
Cracking film.
Nima?
John?
You know him?
We stepped out for a spell in '22.
Well, it was actually Nima that
taught me the pleasures of a woman in her prime.
That's not all he learnt from me, either.
See. Not invisible.
Mom, you dark horse.
Toni thinks he's the East Riding Romeo.
Oh, Ton, he's no love fraudster.
He's got skills all right.
They might be criminal,
but it's not what you think.
I aim to please.
Gloria, did you hear that?
Nima, huh?
John's a community ***.
Oh, Toni, I'm not naive.
Of course, Hull's answer to George Clooney has a sexual history.
Well, now that's all been resolved.
Shall we go, eh?
Yeah.
Sorry, Mom. Toni's got a lot on her mind at the minute.
Shall we head back to mine, John?
I think it's time for pudding.
Yes, my queen.
I'm so glad you finally did something
about your hair, Toni.
Bye, Mom.
"Pudding"?
Thanks for leaving your DIY for me.
It was necessity rather than choice.
Went through a water pipe.
Gaffered it over while I wait for the Yorkshire water.
Nice chicken, that. I'm taking that for my trouble.
-Er... -Oh, please... Just...
Oh, you can't see that. It's gone. It's gone.
Oh, no, give it here. It's fine.
Come on, gorgeous.
Right, love. Come on. Get your coat on, it's cold outside.
Thing about family, Craig is...
Well, as tonight proved they're there when I need them.
They did think you were in mortal danger, but I take your point.
No, but it takes a village to raise a child
and you, Paula, Rana, Nima...
Dane, you are my village.
When this one comes, you'll be there for me.
-Night. -Of course we will.
And having a second kid won't be that hard.
Nah, twice the fun.
Dream on!
-Shall we go to bed? -Oh, yeah.
Keep the wig on.
Actually, we need to get going on those perianal massages.
Do you wanna get the baby oil?
I just need you to loosen me up for the big push.
I'll get my knickers off.
Mmm-hmm.
Why are you wearing a shirt? It's Sunday?
Well, it's a special occasion.
-Is it? -Yeah. Erm...
Yesterday was the 12th anniversary
of the night I went for a drink
and got served a pint of line cleaner
by a very lackluster barmaid
who I've been madly in love with ever since.
Oh, bloody LEGO.
Toni Veronica Elspeth Callaghan,
will you marry me?