WEBVTT 00:00:35.432 --> 00:00:37.100 align:center This is Willowbrook, 00:00:37.101 --> 00:00:39.394 align:center the littlest town with the biggest heart 00:00:39.395 --> 00:00:41.479 align:center right here in the center of Kansas. 00:00:41.480 --> 00:00:43.606 align:center You know, I know everybody in this town, 00:00:43.607 --> 00:00:45.275 align:center and I know all their stories. 00:00:45.276 --> 00:00:47.610 align:center But no story is crazier 00:00:47.611 --> 00:00:52.240 align:center than the story of Gail Daughtry and the Celebrity Sex Pass. 00:01:52.384 --> 00:01:53.468 align:center Hey, Ollie. 00:01:53.469 --> 00:01:54.886 align:center And that's Gail right there. 00:01:54.887 --> 00:01:57.306 align:center She's a shining light around these parts. 00:01:57.932 --> 00:02:00.350 align:center You know, I don't like playing favorites with people in the town 00:02:00.351 --> 00:02:01.809 align:center but fuck it, I don't give a shit. 00:02:01.810 --> 00:02:02.894 align:center Gail's my favorite. 00:02:02.895 --> 00:02:04.145 align:center And in just a couple of weeks, 00:02:04.146 --> 00:02:06.940 align:center we're all gonna be gathering to go to her wedding to Tom, 00:02:06.941 --> 00:02:08.358 align:center her high school sweetheart. 00:02:08.359 --> 00:02:10.110 align:center - Hi, Frank. - Morning! 00:02:11.028 --> 00:02:13.905 align:center - And as for me, well, my name is Frank. -Hey, Frank! 00:02:13.906 --> 00:02:16.866 align:center If you haven't figured it out from context, what I do for a living, 00:02:16.867 --> 00:02:19.036 align:center maybe this big bag of mail will help clue you in. 00:02:19.662 --> 00:02:21.079 align:center Still stumped? 00:02:21.080 --> 00:02:23.623 align:center Well, let me give you another little hint. 00:02:23.624 --> 00:02:24.875 align:center I'm a mailman. 00:02:25.751 --> 00:02:28.211 align:center Think you got it now? But enough about me. 00:02:28.212 --> 00:02:30.046 align:center This story's really about Gail. 00:02:30.047 --> 00:02:32.465 align:center There's a tornado brewing on the horizon, 00:02:32.466 --> 00:02:34.842 align:center and it all starts with an innocent conversation 00:02:34.843 --> 00:02:36.511 align:center at the hair salon where she works 00:02:36.512 --> 00:02:38.221 align:center - with her best friend, Otto. -Hi. 00:02:38.222 --> 00:02:40.181 align:center - Good morning! - Hello! Hi, honey! 00:02:40.182 --> 00:02:42.266 align:center Hi, Ronald! Sorry I'm late! 00:02:42.267 --> 00:02:44.185 align:center Gail, sweetie, we're just talking about 00:02:44.186 --> 00:02:46.479 align:center the celebrity free pass. Who's yours? 00:02:46.480 --> 00:02:47.689 align:center - Celebrity free pass? - Yeah. 00:02:47.690 --> 00:02:48.815 align:center - What's that? - Oh, you know, 00:02:48.816 --> 00:02:51.859 align:center it's like, uh, each member of a couple gets one celebrity that, 00:02:51.860 --> 00:02:53.945 align:center given the chance, they could have sex with. 00:02:53.946 --> 00:02:54.862 align:center Ah! 00:02:54.863 --> 00:02:56.406 align:center Right? And the other one gives them a free pass to do so. 00:02:56.407 --> 00:02:57.949 align:center Mine is Liam Neeson. 00:02:57.950 --> 00:03:00.201 align:center - Oh. - Because I suspect in the bedroom, 00:03:00.202 --> 00:03:02.370 align:center he has a particular set of skills. 00:03:02.371 --> 00:03:04.789 align:center Oh, you're bad! 00:03:04.790 --> 00:03:07.500 align:center Tom is obviously my celebrity pass. 00:03:07.501 --> 00:03:10.503 align:center After all, he was the starting quarterback on the Wildcats. 00:03:10.504 --> 00:03:13.715 align:center Okay, but if you had to pick someone who was not your boyfriend? 00:03:13.716 --> 00:03:16.092 align:center - He's my fiancé, Otto. - Oh. 00:03:16.093 --> 00:03:19.262 align:center I finally got him to buy the cow after giving him all my milk for free. 00:03:19.263 --> 00:03:21.472 align:center - Take that, Mom! - Honey, don't I know it? 00:03:21.473 --> 00:03:23.558 align:center I mean, I am gonna be standing right by your side, 00:03:23.559 --> 00:03:27.228 align:center absolutely sobbing like I'm watching Schindler's List for the 12th time. 00:03:27.229 --> 00:03:28.855 align:center I thought you only watched it 11 times. 00:03:28.856 --> 00:03:30.106 align:center I watched it again last night. 00:03:30.107 --> 00:03:32.316 align:center Anyway, I gotta get myself a fancy suit for the big day 00:03:32.317 --> 00:03:34.402 align:center when I'm in LA this weekend. 00:03:34.403 --> 00:03:35.319 align:center - That's right! - Mm-hmm. 00:03:35.320 --> 00:03:38.031 align:center You're going to the West Coast Hairstyling Expo. 00:03:38.032 --> 00:03:39.198 align:center I'm really jealous of you. 00:03:39.199 --> 00:03:41.451 align:center Oh, well, get ready to be mucho jealous. 00:03:41.452 --> 00:03:44.412 align:center "Mucho jealous"? Look at you. 00:03:44.413 --> 00:03:46.831 align:center - Sprinkling a little Spanish in there? - Mm. 00:03:46.832 --> 00:03:49.083 align:center Who knew that you were bilingual? 00:03:49.084 --> 00:03:50.668 align:center Uh, honey, I'm bi-everything. 00:03:50.669 --> 00:03:51.753 align:center Biweekly? 00:03:51.754 --> 00:03:53.212 align:center - Okay, you got me. - Got you. 00:03:53.213 --> 00:03:56.466 align:center Anyway, my point is, guess who's gonna be at the expo? 00:03:56.467 --> 00:03:58.384 align:center - Who? - Hairstyling guru... 00:03:58.385 --> 00:03:59.720 align:center Wait for it. 00:04:00.637 --> 00:04:02.263 align:center Remy Fontaine. 00:04:02.264 --> 00:04:03.806 align:center Remy Fontaine is gonna be there? 00:04:03.807 --> 00:04:05.433 align:center - That's right! - Remy Fontaine! 00:04:05.434 --> 00:04:07.810 align:center King of the whip curl Remy Fontaine? 00:04:07.811 --> 00:04:09.604 align:center His Royal Highness himself. 00:04:09.605 --> 00:04:12.815 align:center - I'm even more jealous. - Mm-hmm. 00:04:12.816 --> 00:04:15.610 align:center I've never been to California. I've never even been out of the state. 00:04:15.611 --> 00:04:17.904 align:center Honey, why don't you come with me? 00:04:17.905 --> 00:04:19.238 align:center Quick three-day trip. 00:04:19.239 --> 00:04:21.991 align:center We'll hobnob with all the Hollywood stars 00:04:21.992 --> 00:04:23.618 align:center at the Universal CityWalk. 00:04:23.619 --> 00:04:25.620 align:center Ugh. I can't, there's so much going on here. 00:04:25.621 --> 00:04:28.456 align:center I'm forcing Tom to drive me into the city to go to a book signing later 00:04:28.457 --> 00:04:30.875 align:center and the wedding's in two weeks, so... 00:04:30.876 --> 00:04:32.335 align:center Los Angeles sounds amazing. 00:04:32.336 --> 00:04:33.836 align:center Doesn't it, Ronald? 00:04:33.837 --> 00:04:35.546 align:center Los Angeles? Ugh. 00:04:35.547 --> 00:04:38.091 align:center - Too many people there. -Yeah, that's what Ronald said. 00:04:38.092 --> 00:04:39.801 align:center And as for the free pass thing, 00:04:39.802 --> 00:04:41.928 align:center the only celebrity I've ever had a crush on 00:04:41.929 --> 00:04:44.013 align:center is a certain Wildcats head cheerleader. 00:04:44.014 --> 00:04:45.098 align:center Oh, that's sweet. 00:04:45.099 --> 00:04:48.434 align:center You've always been the bagel under and on top of my cream cheese. 00:04:48.435 --> 00:04:50.770 align:center Aw. But if you did have to pick a celebrity... 00:04:50.771 --> 00:04:52.647 align:center Tilda Swinton. She'd be my pass. 00:04:52.648 --> 00:04:53.689 align:center Oh. 00:04:53.690 --> 00:04:55.149 align:center - What about you? - I don't know. 00:04:55.150 --> 00:04:56.818 align:center Honestly, I never thought about it. 00:04:56.819 --> 00:04:58.361 align:center Well, what about Jon Hamm? 00:04:58.362 --> 00:04:59.487 align:center Didn't you think about him 00:04:59.488 --> 00:05:01.572 align:center when you used to use the handheld shower head? 00:05:01.573 --> 00:05:03.407 align:center When I was like 16... 00:05:03.408 --> 00:05:04.617 align:center through 19. 00:05:04.618 --> 00:05:07.203 align:center Now I really regret telling you that. 00:05:07.204 --> 00:05:08.538 align:center We're never getting stoned again. 00:05:08.539 --> 00:05:10.582 align:center Oof. Fine by me. It's too expensive. 00:05:11.125 --> 00:05:12.291 align:center Anyway, that's perfect. 00:05:12.292 --> 00:05:13.960 align:center Jon Hamm's your celebrity pass. 00:05:13.961 --> 00:05:15.795 align:center Okay. Can we move on now? 00:05:15.796 --> 00:05:18.215 align:center - Anything for my bagel. - Thank you, my cream cheese! 00:05:18.924 --> 00:05:21.342 align:center "Chop one medium-sized onion. 00:05:21.343 --> 00:05:22.468 align:center "Fine. 00:05:22.469 --> 00:05:24.054 align:center "Chop one stalk of celery. 00:05:24.638 --> 00:05:27.431 align:center "Fine. Chop two cloves of garlic. 00:05:27.432 --> 00:05:29.267 align:center "Add one pound of ground beef..." 00:05:29.268 --> 00:05:30.893 align:center She's incredible. 00:05:30.894 --> 00:05:33.938 align:center No, you're not wrong. Color me impressed. 00:05:33.939 --> 00:05:36.440 align:center "Salt and pepper to taste. 00:05:36.441 --> 00:05:40.529 align:center "Enjoy with one to two glasses of tap water." 00:05:41.280 --> 00:05:43.156 align:center Wow. 00:05:43.157 --> 00:05:46.242 align:center - Aw, thank you. - Whoo-hoo! 00:05:46.243 --> 00:05:47.577 align:center Yeah. Just... 00:05:47.578 --> 00:05:49.162 align:center - Thank you so much. -Hi. 00:05:49.163 --> 00:05:51.831 align:center Thank you so much for coming. 00:05:51.832 --> 00:05:53.124 align:center Appreciate it so much. 00:05:53.125 --> 00:05:55.585 align:center Oh, hi. I'm Gail. I'm such a big fan of yours. 00:05:55.586 --> 00:05:57.837 align:center And not just of the cookbook. I've seen your acting on TV, 00:05:57.838 --> 00:05:58.963 align:center - and the movies... - Thank you. 00:05:58.964 --> 00:06:01.174 align:center - ...even before The Morning Show. - That's so sweet. 00:06:01.175 --> 00:06:03.926 align:center Sorry, where are my manners? This is my fiancé, Tom. 00:06:03.927 --> 00:06:05.386 align:center I've never seen any of your stuff. 00:06:05.387 --> 00:06:06.929 align:center We're getting married on the 27th. 00:06:06.930 --> 00:06:09.724 align:center Oh, you're so cute. I'm gonna do something special for you. 00:06:09.725 --> 00:06:11.976 align:center - You are? - Yes. Yes, I am. 00:06:14.062 --> 00:06:15.689 align:center Oh, I won't cheat. 00:06:17.107 --> 00:06:18.233 align:center Mm-hmm. 00:06:18.901 --> 00:06:19.902 align:center Yep. 00:06:20.360 --> 00:06:21.694 align:center She smells so good. 00:06:21.695 --> 00:06:22.696 align:center Okay. 00:06:25.324 --> 00:06:27.366 align:center - Enjoy that. - Thank you so much. 00:06:27.367 --> 00:06:28.577 align:center You're so welcome. 00:06:29.411 --> 00:06:30.953 align:center Oh, my gosh! 00:06:30.954 --> 00:06:33.956 align:center She's even nicer in person than she is in the cookbook. 00:06:33.957 --> 00:06:37.168 align:center I have to admit, I never felt one way or the other about her. 00:06:37.169 --> 00:06:39.086 align:center But you were right. She's fantastic. 00:06:39.087 --> 00:06:40.963 align:center - She's got a new fan. - Yeah? 00:06:40.964 --> 00:06:43.507 align:center Oh, you gonna change your celebrity pass to Jennifer Aniston? 00:06:43.508 --> 00:06:44.508 align:center You know what? 00:06:44.509 --> 00:06:46.052 align:center Yeah, sure. Why not? 00:06:46.053 --> 00:06:47.470 align:center Okay, Jennifer Aniston, it is. 00:06:47.471 --> 00:06:50.181 align:center But that means if you meet Tilda Swinton somewhere, 00:06:50.182 --> 00:06:52.516 align:center you have to keep your hands to yourself. 00:06:52.517 --> 00:06:54.644 align:center Got it. If Tilda Swinton knocks on the door 00:06:54.645 --> 00:06:57.146 align:center and wants to hop in the sack, I'm gonna tell her, "Not today, Tilda." 00:06:57.147 --> 00:06:58.357 align:center Not today! 00:06:59.441 --> 00:07:01.609 align:center - Do you remember where we parked the car? - Yeah, it's that way. 00:07:01.610 --> 00:07:03.486 align:center Your fiancé remembers everything. 00:07:03.487 --> 00:07:05.155 align:center - Ah! Except my keys. - Oh. 00:07:05.656 --> 00:07:07.698 align:center Which are in my jacket, which I left inside. 00:07:07.699 --> 00:07:08.950 align:center - Okay. - I'm sorry. 00:07:08.951 --> 00:07:10.619 align:center - That's fine! Okay. - Give me two minutes. 00:07:12.996 --> 00:07:15.581 align:center Okay. Scrambled eggs, butter toast, pancakes. 00:07:15.582 --> 00:07:17.416 align:center Just add water. That sounds so good. 00:07:17.417 --> 00:07:18.918 align:center Instant oatmeal with honey. 00:07:18.919 --> 00:07:21.587 align:center Bagel with cream cheese. "Bagel with cream cheese." 00:07:21.588 --> 00:07:22.672 align:center Where is he? 00:07:22.673 --> 00:07:24.508 align:center Sir! Sir? 00:07:24.633 --> 00:07:26.092 align:center Hi. Excuse me, sir. 00:07:26.093 --> 00:07:28.345 align:center My fiancé came back here over an hour ago. 00:07:29.054 --> 00:07:32.015 align:center Tom? Hello? 00:07:32.140 --> 00:07:33.475 align:center - Try here. - Thank you so much. 00:07:34.226 --> 00:07:35.393 align:center Hello? 00:07:35.394 --> 00:07:36.519 align:center Oh, yeah. Yeah, right there. 00:07:36.520 --> 00:07:38.646 align:center So, what do you think? We start with season one, or... 00:07:38.647 --> 00:07:40.731 align:center Yeah, sure. I'll have my assistant get you the DVDs. 00:07:40.732 --> 00:07:41.775 align:center Tom? 00:07:42.651 --> 00:07:45.404 align:center Gail! I was just about to text you. 00:07:46.488 --> 00:07:48.740 align:center I thought you were looking for your coat. But you're... 00:07:49.366 --> 00:07:50.449 align:center You're... 00:07:50.450 --> 00:07:53.119 align:center Gail, this was my one free pass. Remember earlier? 00:07:53.120 --> 00:07:54.454 align:center You took it literally? 00:07:55.580 --> 00:07:57.540 align:center Hold on. I'm getting a little worried here. 00:07:57.541 --> 00:07:59.042 align:center Just a second. Uh, you know, um... 00:07:59.626 --> 00:08:01.252 align:center Tom said that you were okay with this. 00:08:01.253 --> 00:08:03.963 align:center I mean, otherwise, I would have never done it, you know? 00:08:03.964 --> 00:08:05.549 align:center I mean, I respect your commitment way too much. 00:08:06.049 --> 00:08:07.591 align:center Tom, you said she was okay with this. 00:08:07.592 --> 00:08:09.093 align:center Yes, we talked about this before. 00:08:09.094 --> 00:08:10.636 align:center So, what's happening? I don't understand. 00:08:10.637 --> 00:08:12.722 align:center Gail, please tell Jennifer Aniston about the free pass. 00:08:12.723 --> 00:08:14.390 align:center - Please call me Jen. - This is not happening. 00:08:14.391 --> 00:08:16.851 align:center I just came in to get my jacket and I couldn't find it. 00:08:16.852 --> 00:08:18.602 align:center Yeah. And then I saw him really distraught, 00:08:18.603 --> 00:08:20.271 align:center so I thought, "Okay, let me help him." 00:08:20.272 --> 00:08:22.064 align:center And then I thought, "This is a really special guy." 00:08:22.065 --> 00:08:23.566 align:center - Aw. - And, well, you would know. 00:08:23.567 --> 00:08:25.067 align:center I mean, you're marrying him. 00:08:25.068 --> 00:08:27.278 align:center And then he told me about the celebrity pass, 00:08:27.279 --> 00:08:29.030 align:center and I thought, "Well, what the hell?" 00:08:29.031 --> 00:08:30.865 align:center We're right here. Why not? 00:08:30.866 --> 00:08:33.034 align:center Be a great story for you guys to tell at your wedding. 00:08:33.035 --> 00:08:34.702 align:center Fun half hour for me. 00:08:34.703 --> 00:08:37.872 align:center But you know what? I'm a very instinctual person, 00:08:37.873 --> 00:08:41.626 align:center and I'm kind of really getting the idea that you're super not into this. 00:08:46.006 --> 00:08:47.715 align:center I am so glad you changed your mind. 00:08:47.716 --> 00:08:50.676 align:center I thought it was like a silly little exercise. 00:08:50.677 --> 00:08:54.513 align:center Not literal license to have sex with Rachel from Friends. 00:08:54.514 --> 00:08:55.890 align:center Forget about him, Gail. 00:08:55.891 --> 00:08:58.059 align:center We're gonna have so much fun in LA this weekend. 00:08:58.060 --> 00:08:59.143 align:center Yeah. 00:08:59.144 --> 00:09:01.562 align:center -What's in here? - Those are all just hairbrushes. 00:09:01.563 --> 00:09:04.190 align:center I'm a... I'm a hairstylist. 00:09:05.650 --> 00:09:07.151 align:center Don't worry. I'm... I'm cool. 00:09:07.152 --> 00:09:08.987 align:center I have a steel plate in my head, 00:09:09.571 --> 00:09:12.865 align:center and I have the paperwork from my doctor right here. 00:09:12.866 --> 00:09:14.950 align:center Yeah, I had an accident with a piñata. 00:09:14.951 --> 00:09:17.328 align:center You think I look bad? You should see the piñata. 00:09:17.329 --> 00:09:20.206 align:center All right, Universal CityWalk. Bubba Gump Shrimp. Whoo! 00:09:36.348 --> 00:09:38.724 align:center Welcome to Los Angeles. 00:09:38.725 --> 00:09:41.852 align:center For your safety, please be aware of mudslides... 00:09:41.853 --> 00:09:43.354 align:center Hi. My name is Gail. 00:09:43.355 --> 00:09:45.022 align:center ...and earthquakes. 00:09:45.023 --> 00:09:47.108 align:center Uh, listen, there's no flowery way to say this. 00:09:47.109 --> 00:09:50.069 align:center I have to take a mondo shit, so I'll be back in a sec. 00:09:50.070 --> 00:09:51.737 align:center Mm. 00:09:57.494 --> 00:10:00.037 align:center Come on, there's no chance that's him. 00:10:00.038 --> 00:10:01.372 align:center - Oh, my God. - It is him. 00:10:02.332 --> 00:10:03.499 align:center Oh, my God. 00:10:03.500 --> 00:10:05.376 align:center Mr. Henry Winkler. We are huge fans. 00:10:05.377 --> 00:10:07.378 align:center - Thank you so much. - Oh, my... Otto! 00:10:07.379 --> 00:10:08.838 align:center Mr. Winkler, hey, look, look, look. 00:10:08.839 --> 00:10:11.173 align:center - I have a tattoo of your face! -Looks just like me. 00:10:11.174 --> 00:10:13.634 align:center Yeah, I got this when I was stupid drunk in Key West. 00:10:13.635 --> 00:10:14.593 align:center No regrets, Mr. Winkler. 00:10:14.594 --> 00:10:15.636 align:center - No regrets. - Otto! 00:10:15.637 --> 00:10:17.555 align:center -Can we get a photo? - It would be my pleasure. 00:10:17.556 --> 00:10:18.889 align:center - Really? - Come on, come on. 00:10:18.890 --> 00:10:20.433 align:center Yeah? Let's do it quickly. 00:10:20.434 --> 00:10:21.517 align:center I got a plane to catch. 00:10:21.518 --> 00:10:23.060 align:center Do you want me to take the picture? 00:10:23.061 --> 00:10:25.104 align:center Oh, yeah. Just step over here. 00:10:25.105 --> 00:10:27.148 align:center Lighting is everything. Here we go. 00:10:27.149 --> 00:10:29.316 align:center Happy Days. Night Shift. Arrested Development. 00:10:29.317 --> 00:10:31.318 align:center - Barry. - Hey, those are my credits. 00:10:31.319 --> 00:10:32.778 align:center Henry frickin' Winkler! 00:10:32.779 --> 00:10:34.029 align:center I have a plane. 00:10:34.030 --> 00:10:35.239 align:center - Thank you, thank you. - Okay. 00:10:35.240 --> 00:10:36.365 align:center - Thank you, young lady. - Thank you so much. 00:10:36.366 --> 00:10:37.451 align:center -I'm a big fan. - Thank you. 00:10:37.951 --> 00:10:39.702 align:center - Hey! - Hey! 00:10:39.703 --> 00:10:41.662 align:center Yeah, I used to say that. 00:10:41.663 --> 00:10:43.831 align:center Thank you. Take care, guys. 00:10:43.832 --> 00:10:45.708 align:center Wow! And they say never meet your heroes. 00:10:45.709 --> 00:10:48.210 align:center - What a mensch. - Oh! Unbelievable. 00:10:48.211 --> 00:10:50.588 align:center Hey, what are you... Don't put the case down. 00:10:50.589 --> 00:10:52.423 align:center We lose this, we're dead men. 00:10:52.424 --> 00:10:53.716 align:center Well, sometimes we make exceptions 00:10:53.717 --> 00:10:55.050 align:center to even the most important rules... 00:10:55.051 --> 00:10:56.636 align:center ...when celebrities are involved. 00:10:57.596 --> 00:11:00.014 align:center Sorry. I spaced for a second. Can you repeat that, please? 00:11:00.015 --> 00:11:02.433 align:center I said, sometimes we make exceptions 00:11:02.434 --> 00:11:05.353 align:center to even the most important rules when celebrities are involved. 00:11:05.979 --> 00:11:07.104 align:center Hey. 00:11:07.105 --> 00:11:09.190 align:center I just saw my first Hollywood celebrity. 00:11:09.191 --> 00:11:11.150 align:center No way. Who? Give me a hint. 00:11:11.151 --> 00:11:12.526 align:center - Jewish. - Henry Winkler. 00:11:12.527 --> 00:11:13.903 align:center - Yes! - Yes! 00:11:13.904 --> 00:11:15.738 align:center Oh, my God! Wow! 00:11:15.739 --> 00:11:18.867 align:center Okay. We are definitely in Hollywood now, huh? Wow. 00:11:20.660 --> 00:11:22.369 align:center Welcome to LAX... 00:11:24.915 --> 00:11:26.124 align:center Get in. 00:11:30.128 --> 00:11:32.672 align:center Has the briefcase left your person at any time? 00:11:33.840 --> 00:11:36.218 align:center Um... Pardon me. 00:11:36.760 --> 00:11:38.135 align:center We don't speak Italian. 00:11:38.136 --> 00:11:41.013 align:center Okay, so I ask again. 00:11:41.014 --> 00:11:44.517 align:center Has the briefcase left your person at any time? 00:11:44.518 --> 00:11:47.937 align:center Sorry, you said, "I ask again," but to be fair, 00:11:47.938 --> 00:11:50.272 align:center this is the first time we're hearing the question 00:11:50.273 --> 00:11:51.690 align:center in a language we understand. 00:11:51.691 --> 00:11:53.359 align:center And, no, I assure you, 00:11:53.360 --> 00:11:56.529 align:center I've had the case by my side the entire trip. 00:11:56.530 --> 00:11:57.988 align:center Mm. 00:11:57.989 --> 00:12:00.075 align:center You know, as a teenager, 00:12:00.867 --> 00:12:02.577 align:center I dreamed of only two things. 00:12:03.119 --> 00:12:06.997 align:center The first was to rid myself of what was, at that time, 00:12:06.998 --> 00:12:09.583 align:center a truly horrible case of acne. 00:12:09.584 --> 00:12:10.751 align:center Oh. 00:12:10.752 --> 00:12:16.799 align:center The second dream was to dismantle the corrupt global financial system, 00:12:16.800 --> 00:12:22.388 align:center leaving in its place a storm of chaos and anarchy. 00:12:22.389 --> 00:12:24.515 align:center I mean, go big or go home, right? 00:12:24.516 --> 00:12:26.850 align:center Dream number one was realized 00:12:26.851 --> 00:12:29.187 align:center by the time I was 19. 00:12:30.438 --> 00:12:32.856 align:center - See? See? Look. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:12:32.857 --> 00:12:33.941 align:center -Beautiful. - All clear. 00:12:33.942 --> 00:12:36.068 align:center - Like a porcelain doll. - Like a freshly peeled egg. 00:12:36.069 --> 00:12:37.820 align:center But dream number two... 00:12:37.821 --> 00:12:40.906 align:center Well, technically, it might be dream number three 00:12:40.907 --> 00:12:44.451 align:center because there was a short time when dream number two 00:12:44.452 --> 00:12:48.289 align:center was to sing an aria from La Bohème at La Scala. 00:12:48.290 --> 00:12:49.456 align:center - Wow. - Oh, holy shmoly. 00:12:49.457 --> 00:12:51.293 align:center But that was a lot of, you know... 00:12:51.960 --> 00:12:54.670 align:center When push came to shove, I wanted a social life. 00:12:54.671 --> 00:12:56.630 align:center - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Mm. Yeah. 00:12:56.631 --> 00:12:58.132 align:center So dream... 00:12:58.133 --> 00:13:02.970 align:center Let's call it dream number three had remained just that, a dream. 00:13:02.971 --> 00:13:04.722 align:center The one about dismantling the financial system. 00:13:04.723 --> 00:13:06.474 align:center That's the one. 00:13:06.600 --> 00:13:10.019 align:center A lifetime of sacrifice, 00:13:10.020 --> 00:13:11.354 align:center pain and sorrow 00:13:12.147 --> 00:13:15.233 align:center has led me to what's inside this case. 00:13:16.026 --> 00:13:19.278 align:center My dream, number three. 00:13:19.279 --> 00:13:20.904 align:center - What a journey. - Amazing. 00:13:32.167 --> 00:13:33.542 align:center - That's you. - You want me to... 00:13:33.543 --> 00:13:34.918 align:center Yep. 00:13:34.919 --> 00:13:36.671 align:center Are you quite sure 00:13:37.505 --> 00:13:40.467 align:center you never let go of my case? 00:13:41.092 --> 00:13:42.093 align:center Quite sure. 00:13:43.011 --> 00:13:44.763 align:center I would bet my life on it. 00:13:46.014 --> 00:13:49.308 align:center Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 00:13:49.309 --> 00:13:51.268 align:center Oh, my Lord! 00:13:51.269 --> 00:13:53.020 align:center Sergio, can you explain this? 00:13:53.021 --> 00:13:55.606 align:center Thinking... Thinking more carefully... 00:13:55.607 --> 00:14:00.861 align:center Yes, there was a moment at the airport where he put down the case. 00:14:00.862 --> 00:14:02.237 align:center I was very mad. 00:14:02.238 --> 00:14:05.658 align:center But, yes, he put it down. I was very mad at you. Uh... 00:14:05.659 --> 00:14:08.787 align:center - "Gail Daughtry, hairdresser." -God. 00:14:10.163 --> 00:14:12.164 align:center Find this little bug 00:14:12.165 --> 00:14:13.666 align:center and bring my briefcase back to me! 00:14:13.667 --> 00:14:15.084 align:center Again, I... 00:14:15.085 --> 00:14:16.293 align:center You know what? 00:14:16.294 --> 00:14:19.171 align:center I think... I think I get the sentiment. 00:14:19.172 --> 00:14:21.131 align:center You want... You want me to find the... 00:14:21.132 --> 00:14:23.342 align:center You want me to find the girl and then get... 00:14:23.343 --> 00:14:24.885 align:center - Then get the case back? - Now! 00:14:24.886 --> 00:14:26.178 align:center Yes! Yes! Yes! 00:14:32.519 --> 00:14:34.395 align:center We're not in Kansas anymore. 00:14:34.396 --> 00:14:36.188 align:center Yeah. Right? 00:14:36.189 --> 00:14:38.065 align:center Welcome to the City of Angels, folks... 00:14:38.066 --> 00:14:40.275 align:center - Whoo! - ...where the streets are paved with gold. 00:14:40.276 --> 00:14:42.319 align:center Oh, thank you. My name is Gail. 00:14:42.320 --> 00:14:43.445 align:center - This is... - No, no. 00:14:43.446 --> 00:14:44.863 align:center Names are not necessary. 00:14:44.864 --> 00:14:46.824 align:center All I need is a destination. 00:14:46.825 --> 00:14:50.160 align:center Yeah. The Sunset Grandeur Hotel. 00:14:50.161 --> 00:14:52.663 align:center - 3225... - 3225 Hollywood Boulevard. I know it well. 00:14:52.664 --> 00:14:54.748 align:center Hmm. 00:14:54.749 --> 00:14:56.500 align:center Now, I'll give you a little piece of advice 00:14:56.501 --> 00:14:58.043 align:center I give everyone when they arrive. 00:14:58.044 --> 00:15:00.087 align:center A lot of people come into town thinking overnight 00:15:00.088 --> 00:15:01.964 align:center they're gonna be the next Elizabeth Perkins. 00:15:01.965 --> 00:15:03.549 align:center But let me tell you something. 00:15:03.550 --> 00:15:06.969 align:center Liz Perkins did not become Tom Hanks' love interest in Big 00:15:06.970 --> 00:15:08.679 align:center - right off the bat. -Hmm. 00:15:08.680 --> 00:15:11.432 align:center And you can't do what Liz Perkins does. 00:15:11.433 --> 00:15:13.016 align:center You gotta be you! 00:15:13.017 --> 00:15:14.184 align:center There's only one Liz Perkins, 00:15:14.185 --> 00:15:17.439 align:center and her name happens to be Elizabeth Perkins. 00:15:18.064 --> 00:15:19.606 align:center You know what? I'm very tired. 00:15:19.607 --> 00:15:22.359 align:center Do you mind if I pull over, take a quick power nap? 00:15:22.360 --> 00:15:24.528 align:center Can you not make it? 00:15:24.529 --> 00:15:25.946 align:center You know what? I can power through. 00:15:25.947 --> 00:15:27.948 align:center I'll power... I can do it. I can power through. 00:15:27.949 --> 00:15:29.658 align:center Everyone is such a character 00:15:29.659 --> 00:15:30.660 align:center - in this town, huh? - Yeah. 00:15:31.119 --> 00:15:34.538 align:center Did you deliver the case? There was a problem. 00:15:34.539 --> 00:15:37.125 align:center The boss was not happy, so she, uh... 00:15:37.709 --> 00:15:40.377 align:center She killed Marco right in front of my face. 00:15:40.378 --> 00:15:43.131 align:center Oh. God. I'm so sorry, Sergio. 00:15:43.923 --> 00:15:46.467 align:center I need to find this Gail Daughtry, 00:15:46.468 --> 00:15:48.136 align:center or Ludovica's gonna kill me, too. 00:15:49.012 --> 00:15:51.431 align:center Yeah, we'll find this "Gail." 00:15:53.141 --> 00:15:55.560 align:center And as much as we mourn the loss of Marco... 00:15:56.227 --> 00:15:58.020 align:center we'll celebrate the life he led, huh? 00:15:58.021 --> 00:15:59.354 align:center Yeah, his life was cut short 00:15:59.355 --> 00:16:01.982 align:center but he was lucky to be one of the very few 00:16:01.983 --> 00:16:03.818 align:center to count Mr. Henry Winkler as one of his good friends. 00:16:04.235 --> 00:16:05.403 align:center - Huh? - Oh! 00:16:06.154 --> 00:16:07.279 align:center I buried the lede. 00:16:07.280 --> 00:16:09.406 align:center We met Henry friggin' Winkler at LAX! 00:16:09.407 --> 00:16:10.699 align:center - No shit? - Yeah. 00:16:10.700 --> 00:16:12.409 align:center - Vinnie Barbarino. - One and the same. 00:16:13.661 --> 00:16:16.079 align:center Here we go. Gail Daughtry. 00:16:16.080 --> 00:16:17.790 align:center Arrived at LAX this morning. 00:16:17.791 --> 00:16:19.166 align:center Leaving Sunday. 00:16:19.167 --> 00:16:21.418 align:center No hotel reservations. 00:16:21.419 --> 00:16:24.254 align:center - We have to find that case. - Let me tell you something. 00:16:24.255 --> 00:16:26.465 align:center We are gonna find the case, 00:16:26.466 --> 00:16:31.220 align:center and Gail Daughtry is gonna get a bullet in the back of the brain. 00:16:40.230 --> 00:16:41.355 align:center Here we are. 00:16:41.356 --> 00:16:43.690 align:center Right by the Hollywood Walk of Fame. 00:16:43.691 --> 00:16:44.858 align:center Now keep your eyes peeled, 00:16:44.859 --> 00:16:47.487 align:center - because Liz Perkins could be anywhere. - Oh. 00:16:48.655 --> 00:16:50.948 align:center This place is incredible. 00:16:50.949 --> 00:16:52.282 align:center It really is. 00:16:53.243 --> 00:16:54.409 align:center There's Remy Fontaine! 00:16:54.410 --> 00:16:56.453 align:center Okay, you do know he created the whip curl, right? 00:16:56.454 --> 00:16:57.621 align:center Yes. What? Of course. 00:16:57.622 --> 00:16:59.998 align:center I'm as much of a Fontaine junkie as you are. 00:16:59.999 --> 00:17:01.000 align:center I'm just making sure. 00:17:01.584 --> 00:17:03.252 align:center Okay, we have you for two nights. 00:17:03.253 --> 00:17:05.087 align:center I can put you in a room on the top floor. 00:17:05.088 --> 00:17:07.756 align:center Hey, hey, hey. Top floor. Fancy. 00:17:07.757 --> 00:17:09.299 align:center Just tell me that you have an elevator? 00:17:09.300 --> 00:17:10.634 align:center Honey, this is Hollywood. 00:17:10.635 --> 00:17:13.220 align:center Almost every hotel has an elevator. 00:17:13.221 --> 00:17:14.638 align:center - Unbelievable. - Wow. 00:17:14.639 --> 00:17:16.473 align:center Now, your room won't be ready for an hour. 00:17:16.474 --> 00:17:17.724 align:center We can hold your bags, 00:17:17.725 --> 00:17:21.436 align:center and you can take a walk down the one and only Hollywood Boulevard. 00:17:21.437 --> 00:17:23.105 align:center Oh, my goodness. 00:17:23.106 --> 00:17:25.399 align:center I can't wait. Where do we even start? 00:17:25.400 --> 00:17:28.610 align:center Oh! I'll show you my list of must-see destinations. 00:17:28.611 --> 00:17:31.530 align:center -Okay. - Here is a killer burger joint. 00:17:31.531 --> 00:17:33.657 align:center -Mm! - And the best coffee shop 00:17:33.658 --> 00:17:35.409 align:center this side of the Mason-Dixon Line... 00:17:35.410 --> 00:17:36.619 align:center right here. 00:17:36.995 --> 00:17:40.831 align:center Now, if you wanna do some shopping, cosmetics, stuff for around the house, 00:17:40.832 --> 00:17:44.793 align:center head here and ask them to show you all their different gums. 00:17:44.794 --> 00:17:48.006 align:center -Ah. - Or if... getting your dick sucked 00:17:48.590 --> 00:17:51.425 align:center is more your speed, head here, 00:17:51.426 --> 00:17:53.760 align:center go around back behind the dumpster. 00:17:53.761 --> 00:17:56.555 align:center Ask for Glenn Stein. He's the best. 00:17:56.556 --> 00:17:59.141 align:center Okay! Well, what the heck are we waiting for? 00:17:59.142 --> 00:18:00.143 align:center Yeah! 00:18:08.318 --> 00:18:09.193 align:center -Mm. - Mm! 00:18:11.029 --> 00:18:12.363 align:center Can you show us your gums? 00:18:12.906 --> 00:18:14.616 align:center Wow. 00:18:15.909 --> 00:18:16.910 align:center -Good luck. - Okay. 00:18:21.915 --> 00:18:22.831 align:center Ah! 00:18:24.000 --> 00:18:26.084 align:center It's Tom. Should I pick up? 00:18:26.085 --> 00:18:27.544 align:center - Ew. Don't. - I'll just say... 00:18:27.545 --> 00:18:29.129 align:center No, take your space. There's really nothing to say. 00:18:29.130 --> 00:18:30.339 align:center Hey, what do you want? 00:18:30.340 --> 00:18:33.008 align:center Hey, we need to tell the caterers by Monday if we're canceling. 00:18:33.009 --> 00:18:35.260 align:center Otherwise, we lose our entire deposit. 00:18:35.261 --> 00:18:36.762 align:center It's a lot of money, Gail. 00:18:36.763 --> 00:18:39.389 align:center Well, maybe you should ask your good friend Jennifer Aniston. 00:18:39.390 --> 00:18:41.516 align:center She could afford to cover the cost, I would think. 00:18:41.517 --> 00:18:43.435 align:center Yeah. Maybe she can cater it with her pussy, Tom. 00:18:43.436 --> 00:18:45.020 align:center - You could just eat that. - Yeah, eat that! 00:18:45.021 --> 00:18:46.313 align:center - Okay? Goodbye. - No, don't... 00:18:46.314 --> 00:18:47.522 align:center I hung up on him. 00:18:47.523 --> 00:18:48.982 align:center Okay. That's my Gail. 00:18:48.983 --> 00:18:51.276 align:center Gal. Girl. Good for you, doll. 00:18:51.277 --> 00:18:52.611 align:center Yeah, good for me. 00:18:52.612 --> 00:18:55.155 align:center Oh. This could be fun. 00:18:55.156 --> 00:18:57.616 align:center - Do you wanna get a psychic reading? - Mm... 00:18:57.617 --> 00:18:59.076 align:center - Why? - I mean, I'm all for fun, 00:18:59.077 --> 00:19:01.286 align:center but it looks a little nasty, doesn't it? 00:19:01.287 --> 00:19:03.997 align:center Coming from a guy who just got a blow job, 00:19:03.998 --> 00:19:06.124 align:center behind a dumpster in a puddle of I don't know what. 00:19:06.125 --> 00:19:08.919 align:center For the record, Glenn said that the puddle was actually filtered water. 00:19:08.920 --> 00:19:10.253 align:center - Okay. - But you know, 00:19:10.254 --> 00:19:12.798 align:center this psychic stuff, it's all BS, right? 00:19:12.799 --> 00:19:14.800 align:center Yeah, if BS stands for "Best Psychic." Come on. 00:19:14.801 --> 00:19:16.259 align:center That would actually be "BP." 00:19:16.260 --> 00:19:18.553 align:center Okay, Mr. Harvard Law School. 00:19:18.554 --> 00:19:20.056 align:center Hey, I wasn't gonna play that card. 00:19:24.435 --> 00:19:28.397 align:center - Bingo-bango. There she is. - Yeah, now we just gotta study this photo 00:19:28.398 --> 00:19:30.148 align:center for clues as to where it was taken. 00:19:30.149 --> 00:19:32.192 align:center Okay, all right, it's outside. 00:19:32.193 --> 00:19:33.944 align:center Yeah, it looks like Asia. 00:19:33.945 --> 00:19:35.445 align:center -Maybe Japan? - Like the Far East. 00:19:35.446 --> 00:19:37.364 align:center Colorful. Spider-Man's there. 00:19:37.365 --> 00:19:38.783 align:center - Is that Superman? - Yeah. 00:19:40.868 --> 00:19:43.078 align:center Okay, let's be real. This is gonna take a while. 00:19:43.079 --> 00:19:44.830 align:center I better put on a pot of coffee. 00:19:44.831 --> 00:19:45.914 align:center Hi, I'm Gail... 00:19:45.915 --> 00:19:47.958 align:center - It's $20 in advance. - Okay. 00:19:48.960 --> 00:19:52.087 align:center Uh, all I have is a ten and two fives. Is that okay? 00:19:52.088 --> 00:19:54.589 align:center Yeah. That's a perfectly legitimate way to make $20. 00:19:54.590 --> 00:19:56.509 align:center - Okay. - Hmm. 00:19:58.886 --> 00:20:02.180 align:center Now, I am looking at you... 00:20:03.099 --> 00:20:04.474 align:center ...and I am listening to your spirit. 00:20:04.475 --> 00:20:08.437 align:center And I am sensing that something is on your mind. 00:20:08.438 --> 00:20:09.521 align:center Am I correct? 00:20:10.440 --> 00:20:12.107 align:center Oh, my God. How did you know that? 00:20:12.108 --> 00:20:15.485 align:center It is my business to know. Hence the ten and two fives. 00:20:15.486 --> 00:20:17.195 align:center But I'd really appreciate it if we could 00:20:17.196 --> 00:20:18.530 align:center put the money part of it aside. 00:20:18.531 --> 00:20:20.866 align:center Okay, well, I've been trying to forget about this, 00:20:20.867 --> 00:20:23.452 align:center but you obviously keyed into something. 00:20:23.453 --> 00:20:24.870 align:center I'm engaged to be married, 00:20:24.871 --> 00:20:27.247 align:center and I really, really love my fiancé, Tom. 00:20:27.248 --> 00:20:30.500 align:center But... something happened, and I don't know what to do. 00:20:30.501 --> 00:20:32.211 align:center Let me connect with this. 00:20:34.756 --> 00:20:35.590 align:center Hmm. 00:20:36.924 --> 00:20:39.260 align:center I am sensing you really do love this Tom. 00:20:39.844 --> 00:20:41.720 align:center Mm. And he loves you. 00:20:41.721 --> 00:20:43.513 align:center - How'd she figure that out? - Shh. 00:20:43.514 --> 00:20:44.598 align:center - Otto! - Sorry. 00:20:44.599 --> 00:20:47.602 align:center But... you each had an agreement, yes? 00:20:48.144 --> 00:20:50.979 align:center To be able to have sex with a certain celebrity, 00:20:50.980 --> 00:20:52.647 align:center given the opportunity. 00:20:52.648 --> 00:20:54.066 align:center Yes, exactly! 00:20:54.067 --> 00:20:58.528 align:center And Tom went too far with Jennifer Aniston in the back of a bookstore. 00:20:58.529 --> 00:21:00.489 align:center Yes. Wow. So what do I do? 00:21:00.490 --> 00:21:02.032 align:center You need to even the score. 00:21:02.033 --> 00:21:03.575 align:center Level the playing field. 00:21:03.576 --> 00:21:06.661 align:center If you are going to continue your relationship with Tom, 00:21:06.662 --> 00:21:10.291 align:center you must have sex with your celebrity crush. 00:21:10.750 --> 00:21:12.210 align:center Oh. 00:21:12.335 --> 00:21:14.753 align:center Well, that's not gonna happen. 00:21:14.754 --> 00:21:16.713 align:center You don't think Jon Hamm would find you attractive? 00:21:16.714 --> 00:21:17.673 align:center I don't... 00:21:17.840 --> 00:21:20.383 align:center Damn! I mean, 20 bucks is a bargain, right? 00:21:20.384 --> 00:21:21.802 align:center No, I don't... I don't... I don't know. 00:21:21.803 --> 00:21:24.221 align:center It's just that sounds like a pretty strange way to... 00:21:24.222 --> 00:21:26.681 align:center No. Even if I wanted to, how would I find him? 00:21:26.682 --> 00:21:30.060 align:center You're in Hollywood. Jon Hamm lives in Hollywood. 00:21:30.061 --> 00:21:31.311 align:center This sounds crazy. 00:21:31.312 --> 00:21:34.731 align:center Well, sometimes the craziest problems require the craziest solutions. 00:21:34.732 --> 00:21:37.819 align:center And sometimes, sister, the craziest solutions... 00:21:38.861 --> 00:21:40.154 align:center are the most sane. 00:21:41.447 --> 00:21:44.366 align:center So, if I wanna repair my relationship with Tom... 00:21:44.367 --> 00:21:47.786 align:center You must have sex with Jon Hamm. 00:21:51.040 --> 00:21:54.126 align:center I don't know, Otto. Do you really think that we should do this? 00:21:54.127 --> 00:21:55.210 align:center Why not? 00:21:55.211 --> 00:21:57.129 align:center Remember, Tom gave you a free pass, too. 00:21:57.130 --> 00:21:58.131 align:center That's true. 00:21:58.840 --> 00:22:00.423 align:center But what about the hair convention? 00:22:00.424 --> 00:22:01.967 align:center Oh, honestly, I'm fine. I'm fine. 00:22:01.968 --> 00:22:04.928 align:center As long as we get back in time for Remy Fontaine's Blow out Blow out. 00:22:04.929 --> 00:22:06.263 align:center I mean, conventions come and go. 00:22:06.264 --> 00:22:07.973 align:center How many times do you get to fuck Jon Hamm? 00:22:07.974 --> 00:22:09.641 align:center That's a good point. 00:22:09.642 --> 00:22:11.184 align:center But where would we even start? 00:22:11.185 --> 00:22:14.646 align:center Twenty dollars, you will get a map with the home addresses 00:22:14.647 --> 00:22:17.941 align:center - of all the biggest stars in HollyWeird. -Yeah. 00:22:17.942 --> 00:22:21.069 align:center The only town in America where if you want a cup of coffee, 00:22:21.070 --> 00:22:24.990 align:center you've got to make an appointment at the Creative Artists Agency. 00:22:24.991 --> 00:22:27.909 align:center - Hi. Excuse me, sir. I'm Gail. - Hi, Gail. 00:22:27.910 --> 00:22:29.953 align:center We would like a map with Jon Hamm's home address. 00:22:29.954 --> 00:22:33.039 align:center Are you kidding me, lady? I got stars up the wazoo. 00:22:33.040 --> 00:22:35.000 align:center - Perfect. - I got Johnny Carson. 00:22:35.001 --> 00:22:37.502 align:center I got Ed McMahon. I got Doc Severinsen. 00:22:37.503 --> 00:22:39.212 align:center - You name it. - Okay, how about Jon Hamm? 00:22:39.213 --> 00:22:40.505 align:center Ooh. 00:22:40.506 --> 00:22:42.632 align:center No. No, I don't have Jon Hamm. 00:22:42.633 --> 00:22:45.177 align:center In any other town, I'd say check the phone book. 00:22:45.178 --> 00:22:48.138 align:center But in this town, I'd say get yourself an appointment 00:22:48.139 --> 00:22:50.182 align:center at the Creative Artists Agency. 00:22:50.183 --> 00:22:51.058 align:center Hmm. 00:22:52.852 --> 00:22:55.730 align:center C-A-A 00:22:57.857 --> 00:22:59.357 align:center Hello, I'm Gail. 00:22:59.358 --> 00:23:00.483 align:center - Hi. - Hi. 00:23:00.484 --> 00:23:02.777 align:center We're here to see Jon Hamm. Is he here? 00:23:02.778 --> 00:23:04.070 align:center Oh. Well, no. 00:23:04.071 --> 00:23:07.073 align:center But Jon Hamm's agent is Mr. Leo Martin. 00:23:07.074 --> 00:23:08.533 align:center He's actually a good bud of mine. 00:23:08.534 --> 00:23:09.535 align:center No, he's not. 00:23:10.244 --> 00:23:11.995 align:center You recharged his car once, dipshit. 00:23:11.996 --> 00:23:13.997 align:center Ignore him. I can take a message for Leo Martin. 00:23:13.998 --> 00:23:15.957 align:center - Who are you guys with? - I'm with my friend Otto. 00:23:15.958 --> 00:23:17.834 align:center Aw. And I'm with my friend Gail. 00:23:17.835 --> 00:23:19.419 align:center Okay, great. 00:23:19.420 --> 00:23:21.839 align:center I should be able to get this to Leo's desk by Monday. 00:23:22.965 --> 00:23:25.091 align:center Oh. No, no, no. That's... That's way too late. 00:23:25.092 --> 00:23:27.345 align:center - We'll be gone by then. - Sorry. 00:23:28.262 --> 00:23:30.013 align:center That's... Thank you. Appreciate it. 00:23:31.724 --> 00:23:33.099 align:center Hey, we tried. 00:23:33.100 --> 00:23:34.684 align:center - But we were so close. - I know. 00:23:34.685 --> 00:23:36.978 align:center What are we supposed to do? I don't wanna see you cry. 00:23:36.979 --> 00:23:38.481 align:center Hey, guys. 00:23:39.065 --> 00:23:42.651 align:center As an agent-in-training, I'm really good at assessing situations. 00:23:42.652 --> 00:23:45.904 align:center And I can tell that you guys really need to see Jon Hamm before Monday. 00:23:45.905 --> 00:23:47.906 align:center - Yes. - Yes. Yes, we have to. 00:23:47.907 --> 00:23:49.407 align:center We're only here for the weekend. 00:23:49.408 --> 00:23:51.701 align:center I had a celebrity free pass thing with my fiancé, 00:23:51.702 --> 00:23:52.786 align:center but he took it literally. 00:23:52.787 --> 00:23:54.537 align:center So now I need to have sex with Jon Hamm 00:23:54.538 --> 00:23:56.414 align:center to even out the score and save my relationship. 00:23:56.415 --> 00:23:58.959 align:center Gotcha. He did the deed. Now you gotta do the do. 00:23:58.960 --> 00:24:00.126 align:center - Yes. - Exactly. 00:24:00.127 --> 00:24:01.462 align:center Can you please help us? 00:24:01.837 --> 00:24:03.673 align:center I'll tell you what. You guys, come with me. 00:24:04.632 --> 00:24:05.715 align:center Excuse me. 00:24:05.716 --> 00:24:07.801 align:center - Let me ask you something. - Can I ask you something? 00:24:07.802 --> 00:24:09.636 align:center - Have you seen this person? -Not today. 00:24:09.637 --> 00:24:11.429 align:center Have you seen these two people? Have you seen this person? 00:24:11.430 --> 00:24:13.098 align:center - Either of these two? - No, I haven't. 00:24:13.099 --> 00:24:15.183 align:center - Sorry. No, I didn't see them. - Charles Boyle. 00:24:15.184 --> 00:24:17.060 align:center I get that a lot. Haven't seen them? 00:24:17.061 --> 00:24:18.645 align:center - Either one? - Nope. I'm positive. 00:24:18.646 --> 00:24:20.480 align:center -Oh, yeah, I've seen those two. - You have? 00:24:20.481 --> 00:24:21.482 align:center - Yeah. - Where are they? 00:24:21.941 --> 00:24:23.066 align:center Hell if I know. 00:24:23.067 --> 00:24:24.651 align:center I got a lot of people coming through here all day long. 00:24:24.652 --> 00:24:27.279 align:center I can't keep a record of where everybody's heading next, you know? 00:24:27.280 --> 00:24:29.948 align:center It's all I can do to keep track of how many maps I got in my pile here. 00:24:29.949 --> 00:24:32.826 align:center I mean, how... how many is it? Two? Four? Ten? 00:24:32.827 --> 00:24:36.747 align:center I mean, it could even be nine. But that's Hollywood for you. 00:24:37.623 --> 00:24:40.083 align:center That's what the, uh, studio bean counters 00:24:40.084 --> 00:24:43.211 align:center over at Paramount Pictures call "creative accounting." 00:24:43.212 --> 00:24:45.463 align:center Well, this is a waste of time. Why don't we get some coffee? 00:24:45.464 --> 00:24:47.799 align:center Coffee? You wanna get coffee in this town, 00:24:47.800 --> 00:24:50.719 align:center you're gonna need an appointment at the Creative Artists Agency. 00:24:50.720 --> 00:24:52.595 align:center -Okay. - Which, now that I think of it, 00:24:52.596 --> 00:24:55.140 align:center is exactly where I told your friends to go. 00:24:55.141 --> 00:24:57.184 align:center C-A-A 00:24:57.601 --> 00:25:01.021 align:center Feast your eyes. Welcome to the backrooms of the entertainment industry, friends, 00:25:01.022 --> 00:25:02.272 align:center where the real decisions are made, 00:25:02.273 --> 00:25:04.316 align:center where entire careers are hatched and destroyed 00:25:04.317 --> 00:25:06.526 align:center with a control-shift-delete from this room. 00:25:06.527 --> 00:25:07.861 align:center - Wow. - Hey, check this out. 00:25:07.862 --> 00:25:09.988 align:center Robert from Shark Tank. There's blood in the water. 00:25:09.989 --> 00:25:11.823 align:center How the hell are you? When are we gonna play golf, huh? 00:25:11.824 --> 00:25:13.992 align:center - Uh, please don't speak to me. - You got it, Bobby Business. 00:25:13.993 --> 00:25:15.118 align:center Hey, check this out. 00:25:15.119 --> 00:25:17.413 align:center My mommy made them up for me. I think they're pretty cool. 00:25:17.997 --> 00:25:19.831 align:center - Gotta dream big in a place like this. - I like that. 00:25:19.832 --> 00:25:22.208 align:center And someday, maybe it's not gonna be CAA anymore. 00:25:22.209 --> 00:25:26.129 align:center It's gonna be CA and CA: Creative Artists and Caleb Agency. 00:25:26.130 --> 00:25:27.964 align:center I love that! But I'm just checking. 00:25:27.965 --> 00:25:29.591 align:center It's okay for us to be back here? 00:25:29.592 --> 00:25:32.635 align:center Technically, no, but in this business, it's all about exuding confidence. 00:25:32.636 --> 00:25:33.970 align:center You just fake it till you make it. Watch this. 00:25:33.971 --> 00:25:36.139 align:center Hey, Megan. Whazzup? What are you working on here? 00:25:36.140 --> 00:25:37.349 align:center - You got a lot of deals? - No. Stop. 00:25:37.350 --> 00:25:38.892 align:center - Don't touch anything on my desk. - Big old deals? 00:25:38.893 --> 00:25:40.602 align:center Look, we need the 411 00:25:40.603 --> 00:25:42.437 align:center on one Mr. Jonathan Daniel Hamm. 00:25:42.438 --> 00:25:45.899 align:center Oh! Leo Martin! There's my guy. 00:25:45.900 --> 00:25:48.651 align:center Fellas, this is Mr. Leo Martin, agent to the stars. 00:25:48.652 --> 00:25:51.529 align:center You want guaranteed backend points, you talk to this guy. 00:25:51.530 --> 00:25:53.449 align:center Hi. Caleb. I charged your car on the 29th. 00:25:54.533 --> 00:25:55.617 align:center Nothing? No? 00:25:55.618 --> 00:25:57.786 align:center Well, this beautiful bag of bones is Gail, 00:25:57.787 --> 00:25:59.496 align:center and this knucklehead is Otto. 00:25:59.497 --> 00:26:04.250 align:center Now, Gail over here needs to do the nasty with Mr. Jon Hamm ASAP. 00:26:04.251 --> 00:26:07.003 align:center Believe me, it is all on the up and up, Mr. Martin, sir. 00:26:07.004 --> 00:26:10.590 align:center Yeah, don't worry. We're not like crazy-stalker fans or anything like that. 00:26:13.803 --> 00:26:15.512 align:center So, what do you say? 00:26:15.513 --> 00:26:18.431 align:center I am so, so sorry that we got you fired. 00:26:18.432 --> 00:26:19.891 align:center I am literally so stupid. 00:26:19.892 --> 00:26:22.644 align:center I'm literally so stupid for thinking that I could be an agent. 00:26:22.645 --> 00:26:24.437 align:center I just don't have the mentality for it! 00:26:24.438 --> 00:26:27.316 align:center And what am I gonna tell my mommy? 00:26:27.817 --> 00:26:29.275 align:center - Um... - Ask him. 00:26:29.276 --> 00:26:30.902 align:center Caleb, is there any way 00:26:30.903 --> 00:26:33.154 align:center that you could just drop us off at the hotel? 00:26:33.155 --> 00:26:35.698 align:center - Yeah. - Thank you. 00:26:35.699 --> 00:26:36.866 align:center - Thanks. -I could do that. 00:26:36.867 --> 00:26:41.746 align:center Or I could give you a lift straight to Mr. Jon Hamm's house 00:26:41.747 --> 00:26:46.042 align:center because I swiped the address from Megan's desk. 00:26:46.043 --> 00:26:48.461 align:center Caleb, you beautiful son of a bitch. 00:26:48.462 --> 00:26:50.296 align:center -What? - Yeah! 00:26:50.297 --> 00:26:51.923 align:center Are you kidding me? 00:26:52.967 --> 00:26:54.259 align:center You tired? 00:26:54.260 --> 00:26:55.802 align:center Yeah. I'm always tired. 00:26:55.803 --> 00:26:57.012 align:center Always tired, yeah. 00:26:57.930 --> 00:27:00.808 align:center This is it, Creative Artists Agency. 00:27:01.434 --> 00:27:03.184 align:center I thought it would be a little, uh... 00:27:03.185 --> 00:27:04.269 align:center ...fancier or something. 00:27:04.270 --> 00:27:05.478 align:center It's the parking garage. 00:27:05.479 --> 00:27:06.771 align:center Yay! Wait a minute. 00:27:06.772 --> 00:27:09.065 align:center That's her. That's her! 00:27:09.066 --> 00:27:10.734 align:center That's her? Hey! Hey! 00:27:12.486 --> 00:27:14.112 align:center - Wait... - I'm not gonna run after a car. 00:27:14.113 --> 00:27:16.906 align:center What the... You nuts? There's a stop sign up there. 00:27:16.907 --> 00:27:18.617 align:center - Then you run after the car. - Fine! 00:27:19.410 --> 00:27:21.119 align:center Okay. No. Screw it. I'm not gonna run after the car. 00:27:21.120 --> 00:27:22.412 align:center No, you're not gonna run after the car. 00:27:22.413 --> 00:27:23.872 align:center - We're parked this way. - Okay. 00:27:30.129 --> 00:27:32.381 align:center Oh, wow! Okay. 00:27:34.675 --> 00:27:36.135 align:center We should be quiet. 00:27:39.805 --> 00:27:41.598 align:center Well, what are you waiting for, Gail? Buzz him. 00:27:41.599 --> 00:27:43.267 align:center Buzz him? I hardly know him. 00:27:49.648 --> 00:27:51.399 align:center "Buzz him. I hardly know him." 00:27:51.400 --> 00:27:52.401 align:center We're too funny. 00:27:52.985 --> 00:27:54.945 align:center Hilarious jokes aside, 00:27:55.779 --> 00:27:59.407 align:center do you think celebrities normally let in strangers with sex requests? 00:27:59.408 --> 00:28:00.533 align:center Mm. 00:28:00.534 --> 00:28:01.701 align:center That's a good point. 00:28:01.702 --> 00:28:04.078 align:center I think we need to get you on the other side of that gate 00:28:04.079 --> 00:28:05.914 align:center so that Hamm Dog can see you face-to-face. 00:28:05.915 --> 00:28:08.042 align:center Mm-hmm. Then he'll have to fuck you. 00:28:14.715 --> 00:28:15.799 align:center I have an idea. 00:28:16.842 --> 00:28:18.052 align:center Take your clothes off. 00:28:19.011 --> 00:28:20.845 align:center I got your butt! 00:28:20.846 --> 00:28:22.597 align:center Oh, shoot. Whoa! 00:28:22.598 --> 00:28:23.681 align:center Nice and slow. 00:28:23.682 --> 00:28:24.891 align:center -I got a foothold. - Okay. 00:28:24.892 --> 00:28:26.559 align:center Just climb over and we'll slowly 00:28:26.560 --> 00:28:27.644 align:center - lower you down. -We got you. 00:28:27.645 --> 00:28:28.728 align:center Wait, wait, wait! 00:28:31.524 --> 00:28:32.566 align:center Whoops. 00:28:33.817 --> 00:28:35.235 align:center - You good? - Ow! 00:28:35.236 --> 00:28:37.530 align:center - But yes, I am good. -Okay! 00:28:38.822 --> 00:28:41.199 align:center See? Nothing a little clothes rope won't fix. 00:28:41.200 --> 00:28:42.534 align:center Turns out it was unlocked. 00:28:42.535 --> 00:28:44.702 align:center Look at this place. Wow. 00:28:44.703 --> 00:28:46.329 align:center Jon Hamm's done well for himself. 00:28:46.330 --> 00:28:49.499 align:center - Wait. How do I look? - Oh, fabulous. 00:28:49.500 --> 00:28:51.751 align:center And that is my professional opinion. 00:28:53.337 --> 00:28:54.838 align:center Excuse me! 00:29:01.262 --> 00:29:03.471 align:center -Excuse me. Who are you? - You're "Weird Al" Yankovic. 00:29:03.472 --> 00:29:05.557 align:center Maybe. 00:29:05.558 --> 00:29:07.100 align:center Uh, you live with Jon Hamm? 00:29:07.101 --> 00:29:10.144 align:center No. I bought this house from him, like, a year ago. 00:29:10.145 --> 00:29:12.355 align:center - You guys know Jon? - Not exactly. 00:29:12.356 --> 00:29:14.482 align:center Well, how exactly did you get in here? 00:29:14.483 --> 00:29:16.192 align:center We made a clothes rope. 00:29:16.193 --> 00:29:18.736 align:center - Of course! - Out of our clothes. 00:29:19.989 --> 00:29:21.323 align:center Told you guys it was a good idea. 00:29:22.449 --> 00:29:23.576 align:center You know... 00:29:24.118 --> 00:29:25.369 align:center funny thing about Hollywood. 00:29:26.453 --> 00:29:27.997 align:center - What's he doing? - What is he gonna... 00:29:29.039 --> 00:29:30.540 align:center People think it's a parody. 00:29:30.541 --> 00:29:32.876 align:center Like we're all just playing pretend. 00:29:33.460 --> 00:29:36.462 align:center Except when it comes to defending our property. 00:29:36.463 --> 00:29:37.965 align:center What are we gonna do? 00:29:41.552 --> 00:29:42.636 align:center Well, well, well. 00:29:43.220 --> 00:29:45.680 align:center Gail and her friends are in a real pickle now. 00:29:45.681 --> 00:29:47.057 align:center How are they gonna get out of this one? 00:29:47.600 --> 00:29:50.060 align:center They need a clever solution, and they need it fast. 00:29:50.769 --> 00:29:53.062 align:center Well, sometimes the best idea 00:29:53.063 --> 00:29:55.816 align:center is the same idea you had a few minutes ago. 00:29:56.859 --> 00:29:58.234 align:center I have an idea. 00:29:58.235 --> 00:30:00.528 align:center - Quick, take off your clothes. - Okay! 00:30:00.529 --> 00:30:01.779 align:center You people think 00:30:01.780 --> 00:30:04.699 align:center just because you bought a ticket to one of my concerts, 00:30:04.700 --> 00:30:07.620 align:center you have the right to invade my sanctuary? 00:30:09.079 --> 00:30:11.080 align:center Now! Suck it! 00:30:11.081 --> 00:30:13.207 align:center My pants! Sweater! 00:30:13.208 --> 00:30:14.543 align:center Shirt! More pants! 00:30:16.712 --> 00:30:17.963 align:center Run! 00:30:24.136 --> 00:30:26.763 align:center I'm coming for you! 00:30:35.272 --> 00:30:36.439 align:center You okay? 00:30:36.440 --> 00:30:38.191 align:center Hey! 00:30:38.192 --> 00:30:40.401 align:center This is my goddamn tree! Find your own goddamn tree! 00:30:40.402 --> 00:30:41.694 align:center Who are you? 00:30:41.695 --> 00:30:43.488 align:center Who am I? Eat me out. That's who I am. 00:30:43.489 --> 00:30:44.989 align:center I've been camped out here for two days 00:30:44.990 --> 00:30:47.033 align:center trying to get a picture of "Weird Al" Yankovic, 00:30:47.034 --> 00:30:48.159 align:center and you guys are blowing my cover! 00:30:48.160 --> 00:30:50.078 align:center So sorry. We really didn't mean... 00:30:50.079 --> 00:30:51.788 align:center Aha! There you are! 00:30:51.789 --> 00:30:52.997 align:center Run! Run! 00:30:52.998 --> 00:30:53.998 align:center -Eat it! - Run! Run! 00:30:53.999 --> 00:30:55.500 align:center Eat it! 00:30:55.501 --> 00:30:57.418 align:center Get yourself an egg and beat it! 00:31:03.801 --> 00:31:05.718 align:center - Goddamn it! - Hey! Hey! 00:31:05.719 --> 00:31:08.012 align:center Sorry! We did not mean to horn in on your project. 00:31:08.013 --> 00:31:09.389 align:center Really, really sorry. 00:31:09.390 --> 00:31:12.226 align:center Oh, no, no, no. I'm... I'm... I'm sorry, I... 00:31:13.435 --> 00:31:16.354 align:center I didn't mean to be so hostile. I... I... I'm not mad at you. 00:31:16.355 --> 00:31:17.814 align:center -Huh? - I'm mad at me. 00:31:17.815 --> 00:31:19.607 align:center - I'm mad at this guy right here. -Oh. 00:31:19.608 --> 00:31:22.276 align:center Well, you know what? We played a part in creating that situation, 00:31:22.277 --> 00:31:24.404 align:center - and for that we apologize, right, guys? -We do. We were all 00:31:24.405 --> 00:31:26.572 align:center - very, very stressed out back there. - Yeah. 00:31:26.573 --> 00:31:29.325 align:center Please don't patronize me. I know what people think of paparazzi. 00:31:29.326 --> 00:31:30.743 align:center You know, that they're these heartless, 00:31:30.744 --> 00:31:34.038 align:center bottom-feeding scumbags who don't take a shower. And, um... 00:31:34.039 --> 00:31:35.373 align:center that's why I try so hard 00:31:35.374 --> 00:31:37.041 align:center to be a nice guy, you know? 00:31:37.042 --> 00:31:39.419 align:center And then I just blow my gasket one time, 00:31:39.420 --> 00:31:42.171 align:center and all that hard work is shot to shit. 00:31:42.172 --> 00:31:43.548 align:center Goddamn it! 00:31:43.549 --> 00:31:45.508 align:center Please don't beat yourself up. 00:31:45.509 --> 00:31:47.176 align:center Ah. Oh. 00:31:47.177 --> 00:31:49.470 align:center My car! No! 00:31:49.471 --> 00:31:50.889 align:center I'm so stupid! 00:31:51.765 --> 00:31:53.891 align:center This is just great. This is just great. 00:31:53.892 --> 00:31:55.727 align:center It's like, you know, "Oh. Oh, hi, Mommy. 00:31:55.728 --> 00:31:57.979 align:center "I'm just calling to let you know that my car got towed, 00:31:57.980 --> 00:31:59.105 align:center "and I got fired today. 00:31:59.106 --> 00:32:00.356 align:center "How was your day? Was it good? 00:32:00.357 --> 00:32:01.733 align:center "Did you go to the hip-hop class? Was it fun? 00:32:01.734 --> 00:32:03.401 align:center "Or did you feel too old and leave halfway through?" 00:32:03.402 --> 00:32:04.403 align:center Come here. 00:32:04.987 --> 00:32:06.071 align:center Come here. It's okay. 00:32:06.822 --> 00:32:08.656 align:center But hey, look on the bright side. 00:32:08.657 --> 00:32:10.366 align:center We got to meet "Weird Al" Yankovic. 00:32:10.367 --> 00:32:13.161 align:center - Yeah! That's pretty cool, huh? - Right? 00:32:13.162 --> 00:32:14.662 align:center And who was that other man? 00:32:14.663 --> 00:32:16.330 align:center I... I think that was Penn Jillette. 00:32:16.331 --> 00:32:18.124 align:center No shit. Not sure why, but yeah. 00:32:18.125 --> 00:32:20.877 align:center -See? - But hey, Gail, I mean, with no car, 00:32:20.878 --> 00:32:22.545 align:center how are we supposed to find Jon Hamm? 00:32:22.546 --> 00:32:23.672 align:center Wait. 00:32:24.131 --> 00:32:25.339 align:center Did you say Jon Hamm? 00:32:25.340 --> 00:32:27.633 align:center Yes. I need to find him and sleep with him by Sunday. 00:32:27.634 --> 00:32:29.386 align:center - Why? - Hamm... 00:32:30.637 --> 00:32:31.930 align:center is my Holy Grail. 00:32:33.724 --> 00:32:37.226 align:center 2007, I was a wet-behind-the-ears beat photographer 00:32:37.227 --> 00:32:38.644 align:center at People magazine. 00:32:38.645 --> 00:32:40.188 align:center I was the new kid on the block. 00:32:40.189 --> 00:32:42.648 align:center But I was good. Real good. 00:32:42.649 --> 00:32:43.816 align:center Any celeb you name, 00:32:43.817 --> 00:32:46.903 align:center I tracked them down and I got the perfect candid shot. 00:32:46.904 --> 00:32:49.572 align:center -What do you got for me? - I got Banks beaching in Baja. 00:32:49.573 --> 00:32:50.656 align:center Banks in Baja? 00:32:50.657 --> 00:32:52.325 align:center I got Paris pounding a pastrami. 00:32:52.326 --> 00:32:53.659 align:center Spears spelunking in Spain. 00:32:53.660 --> 00:32:55.912 align:center Lohan lounging in Lisbon. Cruise caroling at Christmas. 00:32:55.913 --> 00:32:57.538 align:center Tara tanning topless in Tulum. Beyoncé basking in Barbados. 00:32:57.539 --> 00:32:58.748 align:center Mary-Kate meditating in Marrakesh. 00:32:58.749 --> 00:33:00.875 align:center I got Schreiber walking his dog. 00:33:00.876 --> 00:33:02.251 align:center Yes! 00:33:02.252 --> 00:33:04.712 align:center I was on fire. I never once failed. 00:33:04.713 --> 00:33:06.130 align:center Around the office they called me 00:33:06.131 --> 00:33:09.468 align:center "Mr. Always Gets His Shot, Even When It's a Hard Shot to Get." 00:33:09.593 --> 00:33:12.221 align:center It was a mouthful, but it was an accurate description. 00:33:12.638 --> 00:33:13.721 align:center Take a look at this. 00:33:13.722 --> 00:33:16.641 align:center And then one day, my editor gave me a no-brainer assignment. 00:33:16.642 --> 00:33:20.102 align:center Get a candid shot of the star of the new hot show Mad Men. 00:33:20.103 --> 00:33:23.314 align:center An actor I hadn't heard of by the name of Jon Hamm. 00:33:23.315 --> 00:33:27.027 align:center Little did I know he would become my white whale. 00:33:27.778 --> 00:33:29.403 align:center - He eluded me. -Hey, hey. No paparazzi. 00:33:29.404 --> 00:33:30.363 align:center - Move. - Hey, come on! 00:33:30.364 --> 00:33:31.697 align:center Time after time... 00:33:31.698 --> 00:33:32.782 align:center Fuck! 00:33:32.783 --> 00:33:34.450 align:center ...day after day, 00:33:34.451 --> 00:33:35.786 align:center night after night. 00:33:36.954 --> 00:33:40.039 align:center The deadline had come, and I had no clue what I was gonna do. 00:33:40.040 --> 00:33:41.249 align:center But then... 00:33:41.250 --> 00:33:43.251 align:center Hmm? 00:33:43.252 --> 00:33:44.460 align:center Talk to me. 00:33:44.461 --> 00:33:45.462 align:center He's there right now? 00:33:45.963 --> 00:33:47.296 align:center ...a hot tip. 00:33:47.297 --> 00:33:50.592 align:center And this time, I wasn't gonna let him get away. 00:33:52.427 --> 00:33:53.803 align:center And there he was, 00:33:53.804 --> 00:33:56.055 align:center my white male whale. 00:33:56.056 --> 00:33:57.515 align:center I got you, you son of a bitch! 00:33:57.516 --> 00:33:59.976 align:center This was my moment to lock in my identity 00:33:59.977 --> 00:34:03.813 align:center as Mr. Always Gets His Shot, Even Though it's... It was a Hard... 00:34:03.814 --> 00:34:04.939 align:center Or something like that. 00:34:04.940 --> 00:34:06.232 align:center I hit the button. 00:34:06.233 --> 00:34:08.068 align:center But then... nothing. 00:34:09.653 --> 00:34:10.945 align:center No film! 00:34:15.075 --> 00:34:16.326 align:center And he was gone. 00:34:17.828 --> 00:34:20.830 align:center Things spiraled after that. Drugs, alcohol, gambling. 00:34:20.831 --> 00:34:23.333 align:center Lost my job. Started living out of my car. 00:34:24.084 --> 00:34:25.626 align:center Sold my hair for wigs. 00:34:25.627 --> 00:34:27.462 align:center It wasn't long after that I started... 00:34:28.422 --> 00:34:30.007 align:center selling my wigs for hair. 00:34:31.091 --> 00:34:33.801 align:center But the truth is, I lost more than my job that day. 00:34:33.802 --> 00:34:35.803 align:center I lost something in here. 00:34:35.804 --> 00:34:38.139 align:center Yeah, I still freelance for a few bucks these days, 00:34:38.140 --> 00:34:39.515 align:center but it's been a long time 00:34:39.516 --> 00:34:42.727 align:center since the days of Mr. Always Gets His Shot Even When He... 00:34:44.605 --> 00:34:45.688 align:center Uh, fuck. What was it again? 00:34:45.689 --> 00:34:47.481 align:center Even When It Was a Hard Shot to Get. 00:34:47.482 --> 00:34:49.860 align:center Yeah. Something like that. 00:34:51.028 --> 00:34:52.070 align:center But now, these days... 00:34:52.946 --> 00:34:54.280 align:center I always carry a spare roll 00:34:54.281 --> 00:34:55.990 align:center - of film with me. -Mm. 00:34:55.991 --> 00:34:57.366 align:center But everything's digital now. 00:34:57.367 --> 00:34:58.911 align:center It's a reminder, Jacko! 00:35:00.203 --> 00:35:02.038 align:center To never leave what's important behind. 00:35:02.039 --> 00:35:03.206 align:center -Mm-hmm. - Ah. 00:35:04.124 --> 00:35:05.750 align:center Anyway, that's my long story short. 00:35:07.044 --> 00:35:10.504 align:center - Wasn't that short of a story. - I thought it was a great story, uh... 00:35:10.505 --> 00:35:12.214 align:center - Vincent. - Nice to meet you, Vincent. 00:35:12.215 --> 00:35:13.799 align:center My name is Gail. This is Otto and Caleb. 00:35:15.427 --> 00:35:17.053 align:center Hey, this might sound crazy, 00:35:17.054 --> 00:35:19.597 align:center but we could really, really use your know-how 00:35:19.598 --> 00:35:22.184 align:center in terms of tracking down celebrities. Would you... 00:35:23.268 --> 00:35:25.603 align:center wanna come with us to find Jon Hamm? 00:35:28.649 --> 00:35:30.067 align:center Well, well, well. 00:35:31.318 --> 00:35:34.154 align:center The white whale "weturns." 00:35:35.238 --> 00:35:36.906 align:center - What? - "Wet's woll." 00:35:36.907 --> 00:35:39.784 align:center Hey. Yes! 00:35:39.785 --> 00:35:41.035 align:center - Let's go. -This is exciting. 00:35:41.036 --> 00:35:42.620 align:center Hey, we're skipping. Look at us. We're skipping. 00:35:52.798 --> 00:35:54.882 align:center - My case? - Oh, um... 00:35:54.883 --> 00:35:55.925 align:center - Not much luck. - Yet. 00:35:55.926 --> 00:35:59.512 align:center But we have some very good leads. 00:36:00.931 --> 00:36:04.517 align:center So, you came here to tell me that you don't have my case? 00:36:04.518 --> 00:36:06.602 align:center Uh, yeah... Yes, that we did. 00:36:06.603 --> 00:36:09.438 align:center And also that we're a little bit hungry, 00:36:09.439 --> 00:36:11.941 align:center so we thought when in Rome... 00:36:11.942 --> 00:36:13.777 align:center - themed restaurant. -Oh. 00:36:15.028 --> 00:36:16.029 align:center Sit. 00:36:17.030 --> 00:36:19.116 align:center I'm good. I had a snack earlier. 00:36:23.495 --> 00:36:24.746 align:center Sergio. 00:36:25.288 --> 00:36:29.083 align:center - Sergio, Sergio, Sergio. - Thank you. 00:36:29.084 --> 00:36:30.209 align:center That's silly. 00:36:30.210 --> 00:36:31.752 align:center Oh! Look at this. 00:36:31.753 --> 00:36:32.920 align:center - Thank you. -You're hungry. 00:36:32.921 --> 00:36:34.755 align:center So maybe you just need to eat! 00:36:43.390 --> 00:36:44.682 align:center Come on, everybody. 00:36:59.239 --> 00:37:01.615 align:center No, I love Baja. Don't you remember? 00:37:01.616 --> 00:37:04.910 align:center People magazine had those photos of me in 2007. 00:37:04.911 --> 00:37:08.622 align:center I'm not really feeling Italian all of a sudden. 00:37:08.623 --> 00:37:10.333 align:center Let's go to that Thai place near you. 00:37:11.084 --> 00:37:12.418 align:center Okay. 00:37:16.465 --> 00:37:17.631 align:center Anyone else is hungry? 00:37:17.632 --> 00:37:19.341 align:center - No! - We gotta go get the case. 00:37:19.342 --> 00:37:20.926 align:center - We'll get the case. - Bravi. 00:37:20.927 --> 00:37:23.763 align:center Bravi, little monkeys, bravi. 00:37:23.764 --> 00:37:26.015 align:center Find that fucking case! 00:37:32.230 --> 00:37:33.315 align:center Our luggage. Come in! 00:37:33.899 --> 00:37:38.152 align:center Bobby Snaps. Hey, man, it's Vincent. 00:37:38.153 --> 00:37:39.487 align:center I'm gonna cut to the CliffsNotes. 00:37:39.488 --> 00:37:41.822 align:center I'm in the market for a Mr. Jonathan Hamm. 00:37:41.823 --> 00:37:42.990 align:center Uh, excuse me, sir, 00:37:42.991 --> 00:37:44.658 align:center we were actually supposed to have two beds. 00:37:44.659 --> 00:37:46.285 align:center I can bring a rollaway, if that would work. 00:37:46.286 --> 00:37:48.497 align:center Thank you! Wait. 00:37:49.081 --> 00:37:50.873 align:center Let me give you a tip. 00:37:50.874 --> 00:37:52.917 align:center I don't wanna be on the wrong side of history. 00:37:52.918 --> 00:37:55.252 align:center Oh, no. I used all my cash earlier. 00:37:55.253 --> 00:37:56.337 align:center Can I use my credit card? 00:37:56.338 --> 00:37:57.964 align:center You can use a credit card for anything these days. 00:37:58.965 --> 00:38:00.175 align:center Only in LA. 00:38:01.218 --> 00:38:02.468 align:center - Otto? -Yeah? 00:38:02.469 --> 00:38:04.970 align:center How much should I tip him? Like 75 cents? 00:38:04.971 --> 00:38:06.765 align:center - These guys live on their tips. - Okay. 00:38:12.020 --> 00:38:13.480 align:center - Thanks. -Anytime. 00:38:14.606 --> 00:38:16.482 align:center Anything? 00:38:16.483 --> 00:38:17.691 align:center Nothing. 00:38:17.692 --> 00:38:19.360 align:center She's a goddamn ghost. 00:38:20.821 --> 00:38:21.987 align:center Oh, wait. 00:38:21.988 --> 00:38:24.240 align:center Sometimes even a ghost 00:38:24.241 --> 00:38:25.533 align:center has to come up for air. 00:38:25.534 --> 00:38:28.410 align:center Bingo-bango! We got you, Gail Daughtry! 00:38:28.411 --> 00:38:29.537 align:center Got you! 00:38:39.256 --> 00:38:41.048 align:center Got you! We got you! 00:38:41.049 --> 00:38:42.550 align:center Are you sure he's there? You sure? 00:38:42.551 --> 00:38:44.093 align:center - All right, he's there right now? - What? 00:38:44.094 --> 00:38:45.469 align:center Okay. Thanks, man! 00:38:45.470 --> 00:38:47.639 align:center Thank you, man! 00:38:48.223 --> 00:38:52.017 align:center Uh, who's ready to meet a Mr. Jonathan Daniel Hamm? 00:38:52.018 --> 00:38:53.310 align:center No way! No way! 00:38:53.311 --> 00:38:56.605 align:center I'm ready to do a lot more than meet him! 00:38:58.608 --> 00:39:00.359 align:center Oh! Ew! 00:39:00.360 --> 00:39:02.319 align:center - Wait, wait, do you get it? - Yeah. 00:39:02.320 --> 00:39:04.238 align:center Okay, I gotta get dressed. I gotta do my hair. 00:39:04.239 --> 00:39:05.240 align:center Right. Okay. 00:39:05.782 --> 00:39:07.116 align:center Hey, what are we doing here? 00:39:07.117 --> 00:39:09.201 align:center We have to hit the road now. We don't wanna miss him. 00:39:09.202 --> 00:39:10.369 align:center Okay, bring your hair stuff with you. 00:39:10.370 --> 00:39:12.289 align:center - We'll get you all dolled up on the way. - Okay. 00:39:12.914 --> 00:39:14.166 align:center Yep. I think this is it. 00:39:16.459 --> 00:39:17.585 align:center Yeah. Over here. 00:39:17.586 --> 00:39:18.752 align:center Oh, I forgot to do my hair! 00:39:18.753 --> 00:39:20.379 align:center Oh, don't worry about it. You look great. 00:39:20.380 --> 00:39:22.089 align:center That's my professional opinion. 00:39:22.090 --> 00:39:24.258 align:center Oh, Otto, what would I do without you? 00:39:24.259 --> 00:39:26.136 align:center My guess is you'd be dead. 00:39:28.847 --> 00:39:29.930 align:center Huh. 00:39:29.931 --> 00:39:31.015 align:center Fuck you! 00:39:31.016 --> 00:39:34.518 align:center This is not where I thought a big-time movie star would live. 00:39:34.519 --> 00:39:36.896 align:center I think he should fire his business manager. 00:39:42.068 --> 00:39:43.986 align:center Wait, that's Jon Hamm? 00:39:43.987 --> 00:39:45.738 align:center No, that's John Slattery. 00:39:45.739 --> 00:39:48.032 align:center He co-starred with Jon Hamm on Mad Men, remember? 00:39:48.033 --> 00:39:50.451 align:center Right! He played Roger Sterling. Cool! 00:39:50.452 --> 00:39:52.287 align:center But I thought we were going to Jon Hamm's house. 00:39:53.872 --> 00:39:58.709 align:center Hey, this guy is a hell of a lot closer to Jon Hamm than any of us are, okay? 00:39:58.710 --> 00:40:00.044 align:center I don't see anybody here 00:40:00.045 --> 00:40:02.796 align:center with Hamm's number on their phone computers, do you? 00:40:02.797 --> 00:40:04.423 align:center - No one's saying that... - Who says "phone computer"? 00:40:04.424 --> 00:40:07.259 align:center Otto, are you good friends with Jon Hamm? No, you're not. 00:40:07.260 --> 00:40:09.845 align:center Caleb, are you Jon Hamm's personal fuck buddy? 00:40:09.846 --> 00:40:11.805 align:center - What? No. - No, I don't think so, okay? 00:40:11.806 --> 00:40:13.015 align:center This is a lead! 00:40:13.016 --> 00:40:15.309 align:center What I do every day is to find celebrities, 00:40:15.310 --> 00:40:16.977 align:center and this is how I do it! 00:40:16.978 --> 00:40:18.979 align:center Okay, fine. You're right. We're sorry. Just calm down. 00:40:18.980 --> 00:40:21.440 align:center If it's a dead end, it's a dead end, okay? 00:40:21.441 --> 00:40:24.151 align:center Sure, John Slattery hasn't had an acting job in over a decade, 00:40:24.152 --> 00:40:26.445 align:center but he worked with Jon Hamm for years, okay? 00:40:26.446 --> 00:40:28.239 align:center So what are we gonna do? Not try? 00:40:28.240 --> 00:40:30.032 align:center I'm just saying, like, maybe we could take it down a notch. 00:40:30.033 --> 00:40:31.659 align:center How about you take it down a notch? 00:40:31.660 --> 00:40:33.118 align:center - Vincent. Vincent, look at me! Look at me! - How about you stop? 00:40:33.119 --> 00:40:34.787 align:center - You think... - We're all on the same team! 00:40:34.788 --> 00:40:36.288 align:center Now, I need you to keep it together. 00:40:36.289 --> 00:40:37.790 align:center Okay. I'm sorry, it's just that 00:40:37.791 --> 00:40:39.333 align:center these two do-do-do's are pushing my buttons. 00:40:39.334 --> 00:40:40.961 align:center - What did you just call me? - It's okay. 00:40:41.711 --> 00:40:45.422 align:center I'm sorry. I've just been through so much. 00:40:45.423 --> 00:40:46.840 align:center I totally get it. 00:40:46.841 --> 00:40:48.968 align:center But we gotta keep our eyes on the prize. 00:40:48.969 --> 00:40:51.845 align:center Which is slippin' Hamm's D into Gail's V. 00:40:51.846 --> 00:40:53.055 align:center Right. 00:40:55.058 --> 00:40:57.519 align:center Uh, hello? Hi. 00:40:57.978 --> 00:40:59.061 align:center - Stop! - Whoa. 00:40:59.062 --> 00:41:01.689 align:center I have the legal right to defend myself against trespassers. 00:41:01.690 --> 00:41:03.565 align:center No, no, no, we're not trespassers. We just want... 00:41:03.566 --> 00:41:05.567 align:center California Penal Code section 602 would disagree. 00:41:05.568 --> 00:41:08.445 align:center Entry onto the property of another without permission is trespassing. 00:41:08.446 --> 00:41:10.823 align:center I therefore have the legal right to kick your ass 00:41:10.824 --> 00:41:12.074 align:center and take names never. 00:41:14.160 --> 00:41:15.160 align:center Oh! 00:41:15.161 --> 00:41:17.454 align:center Ow, ow, ow. 00:41:17.455 --> 00:41:19.039 align:center -Oops. - Just take it. Take everything. 00:41:19.040 --> 00:41:21.792 align:center The key to the safe is in the pantry in a fake soup can. 00:41:21.793 --> 00:41:22.876 align:center Ow! 00:41:22.877 --> 00:41:25.421 align:center I... I think it's the beef barley. 00:41:25.422 --> 00:41:27.214 align:center Please, just please don't hurt me. 00:41:27.215 --> 00:41:28.757 align:center No, no, we're... we're not here to hurt you. 00:41:28.758 --> 00:41:30.676 align:center What are you talking about? You just did! 00:41:30.677 --> 00:41:32.761 align:center What'd you do that for? I wasn't doing anything to you. 00:41:32.762 --> 00:41:34.388 align:center I was just trying to scare you. 00:41:34.389 --> 00:41:37.141 align:center I'm so sorry. It was just self-defense. 00:41:37.142 --> 00:41:39.852 align:center Well, what are you doing sneaking up on me when I'm in a meeting? 00:41:39.853 --> 00:41:40.936 align:center With who? 00:41:40.937 --> 00:41:43.772 align:center A commitment to one's self is as important a meeting as any. 00:41:43.773 --> 00:41:44.898 align:center Okay, the truth is, 00:41:44.899 --> 00:41:47.067 align:center we're here because my fiancé's celebrity free pass 00:41:47.068 --> 00:41:48.610 align:center was Jennifer Aniston, and he did it. 00:41:48.611 --> 00:41:51.405 align:center So now I need to find my celebrity pass, Jon Hamm. 00:41:52.991 --> 00:41:55.242 align:center - Should have guessed. - Can you help us find him? 00:41:55.243 --> 00:41:56.994 align:center Yeah, I could. But I won't. 00:41:56.995 --> 00:41:59.371 align:center Okay. I understand. 00:41:59.372 --> 00:42:02.249 align:center You're not the first person to come to me with this kind of a request. 00:42:02.250 --> 00:42:04.626 align:center Everybody wants a dicking from J.D.H. 00:42:04.627 --> 00:42:07.087 align:center Back in the day, we used to split up the spoils. 00:42:07.088 --> 00:42:09.840 align:center Sure. Golden Globes after-party, 2007? 00:42:09.841 --> 00:42:11.842 align:center - Forget it. - Uh-huh. 00:42:11.843 --> 00:42:14.054 align:center These days... 00:42:15.889 --> 00:42:17.473 align:center Tell you what I will do. 00:42:17.474 --> 00:42:19.558 align:center Have your friends walk around the block and I'll doink you. 00:42:19.559 --> 00:42:21.268 align:center That's got to still be worth something, right? 00:42:21.269 --> 00:42:24.313 align:center For God's sake, I was in the seventh greatest show of all time, 00:42:24.314 --> 00:42:26.148 align:center according to Rolling Stone magazine. 00:42:26.149 --> 00:42:29.360 align:center And it would have been number one if it weren't for Seinfeld, Fleabag, 00:42:29.361 --> 00:42:31.945 align:center Breaking Bad, The Wire, The Simpsons, and The Sopranos. 00:42:31.946 --> 00:42:34.365 align:center But I don't see Homer Simpson standing here ready to whip it out, 00:42:34.366 --> 00:42:35.949 align:center so, uh, what do you say? 00:42:35.950 --> 00:42:37.284 align:center You wanna finalize this freak-fest? 00:42:37.285 --> 00:42:38.911 align:center That's a very sweet offer, Mr. Slattery. 00:42:38.912 --> 00:42:40.454 align:center You're goddamn right it is. 00:42:40.455 --> 00:42:42.624 align:center - But it's not what I'm looking for. - Okay. 00:42:43.500 --> 00:42:45.042 align:center If your friends wanna stay and watch, that's fine, 00:42:45.043 --> 00:42:46.126 align:center but they have to hide in the closet, 00:42:46.127 --> 00:42:47.628 align:center and they can't make a lot of noise. It throws me off. 00:42:47.629 --> 00:42:49.254 align:center Uh, this is a dead end. Let's get out of here. 00:42:49.255 --> 00:42:51.131 align:center - Thank you. - Okay, I'm sorry to bother you. 00:42:51.132 --> 00:42:52.549 align:center Yeah, fine. I wasn't into you either. 00:42:52.550 --> 00:42:53.926 align:center I'll tell you something, sweet cheeks, 00:42:53.927 --> 00:42:57.305 align:center I like my women like I like my men, chunky as fuck. 00:42:57.806 --> 00:43:00.016 align:center -What? - I said good day! 00:43:02.060 --> 00:43:04.603 align:center Knock your face right off. See? There it is on the floor. 00:43:04.604 --> 00:43:06.480 align:center What are you gonna do now? You got your face on the floor. 00:43:06.481 --> 00:43:07.816 align:center Wait, guys. 00:43:08.983 --> 00:43:10.485 align:center Let me take a swing at this one. 00:43:17.617 --> 00:43:19.034 align:center Mr. Slattery. 00:43:19.035 --> 00:43:21.662 align:center California Penal Code section 602. Go away. 00:43:21.663 --> 00:43:22.955 align:center Orville and Wilbur. 00:43:22.956 --> 00:43:24.456 align:center - What? - The Wright brothers. 00:43:24.457 --> 00:43:25.791 align:center They invented the airplane. 00:43:25.792 --> 00:43:27.167 align:center Yeah. No duh. What about it? 00:43:27.168 --> 00:43:28.962 align:center What about it? They were brothers, John. 00:43:29.587 --> 00:43:32.464 align:center They were partners. They were equals. 00:43:32.465 --> 00:43:35.592 align:center They made something great together, and it was a massive hit. 00:43:35.593 --> 00:43:36.928 align:center The airplane was a blockbuster. 00:43:38.096 --> 00:43:39.347 align:center But what happened to the brothers? 00:43:40.098 --> 00:43:42.474 align:center Orville, well, he's a hero, isn't he? 00:43:42.475 --> 00:43:43.810 align:center He's in the history books. 00:43:44.644 --> 00:43:46.354 align:center But as for Wilbur... 00:43:47.480 --> 00:43:49.773 align:center he just couldn't handle the heat, could he? 00:43:49.774 --> 00:43:51.025 align:center He didn't have the courage. 00:43:51.860 --> 00:43:53.111 align:center So, what did he do? 00:43:54.362 --> 00:43:56.613 align:center He resigned himself to being a footnote, 00:43:56.614 --> 00:43:58.157 align:center a trivia question, 00:43:58.158 --> 00:44:00.951 align:center wasting away the final precious years of his life 00:44:00.952 --> 00:44:02.036 align:center punching a bag in a garage. 00:44:03.329 --> 00:44:04.455 align:center You see the connection that I'm making, John? 00:44:04.456 --> 00:44:05.956 align:center - I'm Orville? - You're Wilbur. 00:44:05.957 --> 00:44:08.751 align:center Okay, then yes, I see the connection clearly. 00:44:10.003 --> 00:44:11.087 align:center John... 00:44:12.255 --> 00:44:14.173 align:center watching you give that there bag a "what for," 00:44:14.174 --> 00:44:16.926 align:center I can see that the fire still burns in your belly. 00:44:18.094 --> 00:44:19.887 align:center So, I just have one question for you. 00:44:19.888 --> 00:44:22.431 align:center Are you gonna spend the rest of your life 00:44:22.432 --> 00:44:24.767 align:center believing that you're the wrong Wright brother? 00:44:27.103 --> 00:44:28.980 align:center Or are you gonna start to believe 00:44:29.814 --> 00:44:32.025 align:center that deep down inside, 00:44:33.067 --> 00:44:35.820 align:center there can be two right Wright brothers? 00:44:38.406 --> 00:44:39.990 align:center Am I right, brother? 00:45:00.845 --> 00:45:03.263 align:center So, long story short, I keep the roll of film as a reminder. 00:45:03.264 --> 00:45:04.681 align:center Wasn't that short a story. 00:45:04.682 --> 00:45:06.308 align:center Now, how do we find Hamm? 00:45:06.309 --> 00:45:08.519 align:center First thing we should do is call his agent at CAA. 00:45:08.520 --> 00:45:11.063 align:center Uh, we tried that. Yeah, that ship has sailed. 00:45:11.064 --> 00:45:12.731 align:center Oh! Uh, I... I know he's got a house in Bel-Air. 00:45:12.732 --> 00:45:13.815 align:center Sold it a year ago. 00:45:13.816 --> 00:45:15.108 align:center I thought you were still friends. 00:45:15.109 --> 00:45:16.527 align:center Yeah, we're still friends. 00:45:16.528 --> 00:45:17.903 align:center We're just both busy. 00:45:17.904 --> 00:45:19.906 align:center So, we text mostly nowadays. Wait, let me see. 00:45:42.053 --> 00:45:44.012 align:center What is it? 00:45:44.013 --> 00:45:45.306 align:center It doesn't... You won't get it. 00:46:14.043 --> 00:46:15.878 align:center Okay, you know, go up here to Sunset. 00:46:16.379 --> 00:46:19.172 align:center Are you sure he still lives here? How long ago was that text? 00:46:19.173 --> 00:46:20.841 align:center - Six months ago. - Okay. 00:46:20.842 --> 00:46:21.926 align:center Super helpful. 00:46:22.677 --> 00:46:25.512 align:center Hey, perhaps, Otto, you can come up with a better idea 00:46:25.513 --> 00:46:27.222 align:center before you choke the life out of this one, 00:46:27.223 --> 00:46:29.474 align:center like your dick on a lonely Saturday night! 00:46:29.475 --> 00:46:31.143 align:center -Hey, hey! - You wanna go? Let's go! 00:46:31.144 --> 00:46:32.978 align:center - I'm not afraid of you! - Come on! Come on, come on! 00:46:32.979 --> 00:46:34.730 align:center Hey, look. Look, look, look. 00:46:34.731 --> 00:46:37.024 align:center There it is. The Chateau Marmont. 00:46:37.025 --> 00:46:40.110 align:center Wow. It's more beautiful than I even imagined 00:46:40.111 --> 00:46:42.863 align:center when I first heard about this place 30 minutes ago. 00:46:42.864 --> 00:46:43.865 align:center Come on! 00:46:46.784 --> 00:46:48.201 align:center Hello, I'm Gail. 00:46:48.202 --> 00:46:49.995 align:center -Hi. - Is Jon Hamm here? 00:46:49.996 --> 00:46:51.788 align:center We don't give out that kind of information. 00:46:51.789 --> 00:46:54.750 align:center Okay, I think it's time to drop the neutron bomb. 00:46:54.751 --> 00:46:56.209 align:center - Here we go. Hello. - Hello. 00:46:56.210 --> 00:46:58.295 align:center - I'm John Slattery. - I know who you are. 00:46:58.296 --> 00:47:00.547 align:center Oh, well, okay. 00:47:00.548 --> 00:47:01.882 align:center Now we're cooking. 00:47:01.883 --> 00:47:03.383 align:center So, give us the 411. 00:47:03.384 --> 00:47:05.594 align:center What's the deal with my boy Jonny Hammer Sticks? 00:47:05.595 --> 00:47:07.263 align:center Can't help you. Hotel policy. 00:47:08.222 --> 00:47:09.890 align:center Wow. She's tough. I'm out of moves. 00:47:09.891 --> 00:47:11.266 align:center -Yeah, she's good. - It's all right. 00:47:11.267 --> 00:47:13.268 align:center You did literally everything that you could. 00:47:13.269 --> 00:47:15.395 align:center Front desk. How may I help you? 00:47:15.396 --> 00:47:17.939 align:center One order of pineapple coconut pancakes to Room 203. 00:47:17.940 --> 00:47:19.317 align:center - Right away, sir. - Stop. 00:47:20.401 --> 00:47:21.402 align:center Hammer time. 00:47:22.111 --> 00:47:24.279 align:center Well, that's 203, okay. 00:47:24.280 --> 00:47:25.197 align:center Do you wanna knock? 00:47:25.198 --> 00:47:26.407 align:center No, you knock. Okay. 00:47:28.951 --> 00:47:31.329 align:center - Can I help you? - Hi. We're here to see Jon Hamm. 00:47:31.913 --> 00:47:33.121 align:center Do you have an appointment? 00:47:33.122 --> 00:47:36.458 align:center - No, but I'm, uh, John... - Slattery! Yeah, I know. 00:47:39.337 --> 00:47:41.088 align:center - Hey. What's up, man? -Hey, hi. 00:47:41.089 --> 00:47:42.964 align:center Respect to the work, bro. I really appreciate it. 00:47:42.965 --> 00:47:44.675 align:center - Oh, thank you, man. Thank you. - Nice to meet you. Yeah. 00:47:44.676 --> 00:47:45.884 align:center All right, y'all have a good day. 00:47:45.885 --> 00:47:47.302 align:center -Wait, no. No, no, no, come back. - Wait. Wait. 00:47:47.303 --> 00:47:48.345 align:center Wait. Ow! 00:47:48.346 --> 00:47:50.598 align:center - Ow! Ow! Ow! -Oh! Ow! 00:47:51.182 --> 00:47:53.183 align:center - Move. Move out the way. - Ow! Ow! 00:47:53.184 --> 00:47:55.060 align:center Ow! Ow! 00:47:55.061 --> 00:47:56.436 align:center Slat-man! 00:47:56.437 --> 00:47:58.522 align:center - Ow! Ow! Ow! - Move. 00:47:58.523 --> 00:47:59.606 align:center -Stop! Stop it! - Ow! Ow! 00:48:00.692 --> 00:48:01.818 align:center - What are you doing? - Ow! 00:48:02.235 --> 00:48:03.568 align:center - Stop doing that! No! - Ow! Ow! 00:48:03.569 --> 00:48:04.861 align:center Stop it! 00:48:04.862 --> 00:48:07.490 align:center Ow! Ow! 00:48:08.658 --> 00:48:10.992 align:center Please stop. Just stop. 00:48:10.993 --> 00:48:13.454 align:center Ow! Ow! Hey, Jon Hamm! 00:48:15.498 --> 00:48:18.125 align:center What the heck? Why did you have to hit him like that, mister? 00:48:18.126 --> 00:48:19.793 align:center I'm gonna do a hell of a lot worse than that 00:48:19.794 --> 00:48:21.461 align:center if you don't march y'all asses out of here. 00:48:21.462 --> 00:48:23.588 align:center Worse than hitting him in the face? What are you gonna do to him? 00:48:23.589 --> 00:48:25.591 align:center I'm gonna make him very sick. 00:48:26.592 --> 00:48:28.468 align:center - What? How? - Enough questions. 00:48:28.469 --> 00:48:32.180 align:center Unless you want me to make you all very, very sick. 00:48:32.181 --> 00:48:34.808 align:center Just hear us out, okay? I can explain very quickly. 00:48:34.809 --> 00:48:36.810 align:center The bullet points are celebrity free pass. 00:48:36.811 --> 00:48:38.562 align:center My fiancé's was Aniston. Mine is Hamm. 00:48:38.563 --> 00:48:40.732 align:center He did it. I didn't, and I need to. 00:48:42.984 --> 00:48:46.153 align:center I understand completely. And I sympathize with your situation. 00:48:46.154 --> 00:48:48.072 align:center So, I'm not gonna make you all sick. 00:48:49.115 --> 00:48:50.533 align:center But I can't let you in. 00:48:51.409 --> 00:48:52.826 align:center Now get out of here before I change my mind 00:48:52.827 --> 00:48:54.494 align:center and make you all real sick. 00:48:55.621 --> 00:48:58.123 align:center Well, nobody wants to get sick, right, fellas? 00:48:58.124 --> 00:49:00.500 align:center - No, I definitely don't wanna get sick. - I just got over something. 00:49:00.501 --> 00:49:02.712 align:center - Okay. Let's get out of here. -Jesus. 00:49:06.632 --> 00:49:09.301 align:center I don't know, maybe this whole idea, 00:49:09.302 --> 00:49:11.595 align:center me thinking that having sex with Jon Hamm 00:49:11.596 --> 00:49:14.848 align:center would solve my relationship, is just ridiculous. It's stupid. 00:49:14.849 --> 00:49:18.393 align:center Just an utterly pointless premise. It's like, why? 00:49:18.394 --> 00:49:19.644 align:center No, Gail, no. 00:49:19.645 --> 00:49:21.271 align:center We're too far into this thing to give up now. 00:49:21.272 --> 00:49:23.315 align:center Yeah, Gail. John Slattery is right. 00:49:23.316 --> 00:49:26.568 align:center If we work together as a team, we can accomplish literally anything. 00:49:26.569 --> 00:49:29.738 align:center Don't worry, Gail, somehow we'll get you in there. 00:49:29.739 --> 00:49:30.906 align:center He's right. 00:49:30.907 --> 00:49:32.992 align:center And then we're gonna get him in there. 00:49:33.326 --> 00:49:36.745 align:center Aw! Guys. I know we all just met today, 00:49:36.746 --> 00:49:39.664 align:center but it really feels like we've known each other for over a week. 00:49:41.417 --> 00:49:42.501 align:center - Hey. - Oh! 00:49:42.502 --> 00:49:44.294 align:center I wanted to catch you before you left. 00:49:44.295 --> 00:49:47.964 align:center When I said I sympathized with you, I didn't tell you the exact truth. 00:49:47.965 --> 00:49:51.259 align:center The truth is, I more than sympathize with you. 00:49:51.260 --> 00:49:52.636 align:center I empathize with you. 00:49:52.637 --> 00:49:54.179 align:center Which is very different. Look it up. 00:49:54.180 --> 00:49:55.639 align:center Okay. 00:49:55.640 --> 00:49:57.058 align:center On your phone. Look it up. Uh... 00:50:02.688 --> 00:50:03.939 align:center Oh! 00:50:03.940 --> 00:50:05.607 align:center - So you're saying that... - That's right. 00:50:06.984 --> 00:50:08.319 align:center Her name was Rebecca. 00:50:08.986 --> 00:50:10.404 align:center We were in Mexico. 00:50:11.030 --> 00:50:13.908 align:center Rebecca loved bullfights. I hated them, but I loved her. 00:50:15.326 --> 00:50:17.452 align:center Then, chaos. 00:50:17.453 --> 00:50:20.455 align:center Bull jumps the fence, heads right for Rebecca. 00:50:20.456 --> 00:50:22.374 align:center I pull her away, but she's wearing red. 00:50:22.375 --> 00:50:24.292 align:center It's over in seconds. I slip on something. 00:50:24.293 --> 00:50:25.502 align:center It's Rebecca's liver. 00:50:25.503 --> 00:50:27.087 align:center Jesus Christ! 00:50:27.088 --> 00:50:29.757 align:center Yeah. So, yeah, I empathize with what you're going through. 00:50:31.592 --> 00:50:34.928 align:center That's actually quite different from Gail's situation. 00:50:34.929 --> 00:50:37.889 align:center Okay, maybe it is that I sympathize more than empathize. 00:50:37.890 --> 00:50:41.476 align:center Bottom line, whether it's a free celebrity pass taken too far 00:50:41.477 --> 00:50:43.854 align:center or an out-of-control bull disemboweling my Rebecca, 00:50:43.855 --> 00:50:47.315 align:center I know what it's like when someone comes between you and the one you love. 00:50:47.316 --> 00:50:49.025 align:center So, I went ahead 00:50:49.026 --> 00:50:50.861 align:center - and I talked to Mr. Hamm on your behalf. -What? 00:50:50.862 --> 00:50:52.988 align:center You did? What did he say? 00:50:52.989 --> 00:50:55.115 align:center He's on the lookout for his next film project. 00:50:55.116 --> 00:50:58.368 align:center He said if you guys could bring him a great movie idea for him to star in, 00:50:58.369 --> 00:51:01.788 align:center one that electrifies audiences but also speaks to Jon personally, 00:51:01.789 --> 00:51:05.251 align:center then he promises he'll help you with whatever you need. 00:51:06.002 --> 00:51:07.544 align:center Whatever we need? 00:51:07.545 --> 00:51:10.672 align:center Wait, so we have to pitch him a film idea? 00:51:10.673 --> 00:51:13.842 align:center No, more than just an idea. He needs a fully fleshed-out story. 00:51:13.843 --> 00:51:16.094 align:center And of course, I come on board as a producer. 00:51:16.095 --> 00:51:18.221 align:center I gotta get enough money to help Rebecca with a proper burial. 00:51:18.222 --> 00:51:20.181 align:center - Wait, she's not buried yet? -Not yet. 00:51:20.182 --> 00:51:22.184 align:center - Where is she now? - Listen, stay in your lane. 00:51:22.768 --> 00:51:24.895 align:center Guys, I think we could come up with something 00:51:24.896 --> 00:51:27.147 align:center really great if we put our heads together. 00:51:27.148 --> 00:51:30.483 align:center I don't know how we're gonna come up with a whole movie idea before we go home. 00:51:30.484 --> 00:51:32.111 align:center I didn't say it was gonna be easy. 00:51:34.864 --> 00:51:36.239 align:center Any ideas? 00:51:36.240 --> 00:51:38.867 align:center - No. I'm still thinking about the liver. - Yeah. 00:51:38.868 --> 00:51:42.871 align:center How about something about, um, like a dog or something? 00:51:42.872 --> 00:51:44.998 align:center No, that's already been done. Marley & Me? 00:51:44.999 --> 00:51:46.542 align:center Oh, yeah. Right. 00:51:47.335 --> 00:51:49.419 align:center Damn it. God, it is such a good idea. 00:51:49.420 --> 00:51:52.172 align:center If it wasn't for fucking Marley & Me! 00:51:52.173 --> 00:51:53.633 align:center Okay, okay. How about, uh... 00:51:54.967 --> 00:51:57.344 align:center Ugh, I can't get Otto's dog idea out of my head. 00:51:57.345 --> 00:51:58.929 align:center - I know. - I know we can't 'cause of Marley & Me, 00:51:58.930 --> 00:52:01.056 align:center - but it was, like, the exact perfect idea. - It was. 00:52:01.057 --> 00:52:03.516 align:center Also, I can't think of anything original because I'm starving. 00:52:03.517 --> 00:52:05.560 align:center I have a protein bar in my case in the back seat. 00:52:05.561 --> 00:52:07.395 align:center - Do you want it? - Yes, please. I'm dying. 00:52:07.396 --> 00:52:08.730 align:center Yeah. I'll take a protein bar. 00:52:08.731 --> 00:52:09.940 align:center Want one too? I want two. 00:52:09.941 --> 00:52:10.983 align:center Oh! 00:52:11.400 --> 00:52:12.692 align:center What about a cat? 00:52:12.693 --> 00:52:14.527 align:center - Is the cat's name Marley? -Yes, of course. 00:52:14.528 --> 00:52:16.112 align:center - Then technically, it's still Marley & Me. -How? 00:52:16.113 --> 00:52:17.614 align:center Is it supposed to be locked? 00:52:17.615 --> 00:52:18.990 align:center No, it's probably just jammed. 00:52:18.991 --> 00:52:20.617 align:center Okay. Hi-ya! 00:52:20.618 --> 00:52:22.327 align:center -Garfield. - Still got it. 00:52:22.328 --> 00:52:23.870 align:center Ugh, I hate Mondays! 00:52:23.871 --> 00:52:25.997 align:center This is tough. Uh... 00:52:25.998 --> 00:52:27.916 align:center I don't see any protein bars in here. 00:52:27.917 --> 00:52:29.752 align:center - What? - Just a bunch of papers. 00:52:32.505 --> 00:52:34.965 align:center - This isn't my case. -What? 00:52:34.966 --> 00:52:36.717 align:center "Top secret." What the heck is this? 00:52:37.593 --> 00:52:39.803 align:center - United States Patent Office. - What the hell is that? 00:52:39.804 --> 00:52:40.972 align:center Whoa! 00:52:42.223 --> 00:52:43.306 align:center I don't know. I feel weird about this. 00:52:43.307 --> 00:52:45.183 align:center Are you sure that we should be looking at this stuff? 00:52:45.184 --> 00:52:46.434 align:center It's somebody else's property. It feels weird. 00:52:46.435 --> 00:52:50.231 align:center Guys, I have read a lot of screenplays over my many months at CAA. 00:52:51.107 --> 00:52:52.565 align:center This beats them all. 00:52:52.566 --> 00:52:56.987 align:center It's got violence and intrigue and espionage and double identities. 00:52:56.988 --> 00:52:58.655 align:center I mean, the fate of the whole damn world's at stake. 00:52:58.656 --> 00:53:00.615 align:center - So, what are you saying? - I'm saying, 00:53:00.616 --> 00:53:03.535 align:center you plop Jon Hamm into this story, it writes itself. 00:53:03.536 --> 00:53:05.078 align:center This is our movie pitch. 00:53:05.079 --> 00:53:06.162 align:center Wait, wait, wait. You're saying we're gonna 00:53:06.163 --> 00:53:08.123 align:center turn these files into a movie pitch? 00:53:08.124 --> 00:53:11.292 align:center Caleb's right. These are real-life details that you just couldn't make up. 00:53:11.293 --> 00:53:14.713 align:center I mean, all we have to do is just shape them just a tiny bit. 00:53:14.714 --> 00:53:16.339 align:center Hey, Vincent, you sound like a professional screenwriter. 00:53:16.340 --> 00:53:17.257 align:center Doesn't he? 00:53:17.258 --> 00:53:18.508 align:center - You do. - He does. 00:53:18.509 --> 00:53:19.926 align:center Well, funny you say that, you know, 00:53:19.927 --> 00:53:23.013 align:center because I originally came to Hollywood to become a screenwriter. 00:53:23.014 --> 00:53:25.473 align:center - What? - Yeah. But then I had five mouths to feed, 00:53:25.474 --> 00:53:27.642 align:center so I had to give that up tout suite. 00:53:27.643 --> 00:53:29.686 align:center - Wait, you have five kids? -Yeah. 00:53:29.687 --> 00:53:31.187 align:center They're all starting college this year. 00:53:31.188 --> 00:53:34.650 align:center Wait, Vincent, you should be the one to write our Jon Hamm vehicle. 00:53:35.276 --> 00:53:36.359 align:center You should. 00:53:36.360 --> 00:53:38.153 align:center And Caleb, if you sell it to him 00:53:38.154 --> 00:53:41.364 align:center with the same chutzpah that you are showing us right now, 00:53:41.365 --> 00:53:44.284 align:center I know that he is going to love it. 00:53:44.285 --> 00:53:46.578 align:center I mean, yeah, and... and John Slattery, 00:53:46.579 --> 00:53:48.621 align:center I feel like you'd be perfect to play one of the parts. 00:53:48.622 --> 00:53:50.290 align:center - Oh, my gosh. Yes. - Really? 00:53:50.291 --> 00:53:51.416 align:center - Can you do an Italian accent? - Yes! 00:53:51.417 --> 00:53:52.418 align:center Well, no, but... 00:53:53.335 --> 00:53:56.713 align:center I've got an English accent that's not too bad. 00:53:56.714 --> 00:53:58.423 align:center Care for a spot of tea? 00:53:58.424 --> 00:54:00.967 align:center No, thanks. I've got a tummy ache, haven't I? 00:54:02.511 --> 00:54:03.970 align:center Me Japanese accent's 00:54:03.971 --> 00:54:05.723 align:center not too bad either, don't you know? 00:54:09.018 --> 00:54:11.394 align:center Okay, well, I say we go pitch Jon Hamm right now, huh? 00:54:11.395 --> 00:54:14.814 align:center Hold on a second. We still need to tighten and mold and put a spit shine 00:54:14.815 --> 00:54:17.275 align:center on this pitch before it is ready for prime time. 00:54:18.444 --> 00:54:19.652 align:center You guys gonna eat the rest of this? 00:54:25.868 --> 00:54:27.535 align:center - Are you kidding me? -Right? 00:54:27.536 --> 00:54:29.621 align:center - Oh, my God. -Whoa. 00:54:29.622 --> 00:54:31.122 align:center - What happened? - What the heck? 00:54:31.123 --> 00:54:32.123 align:center You guys didn't leave it like this? 00:54:32.124 --> 00:54:33.124 align:center No. 00:54:33.125 --> 00:54:35.085 align:center - Hello, Gail... - Daughtry. 00:54:35.086 --> 00:54:36.586 align:center Oh, my God. 00:54:36.587 --> 00:54:40.173 align:center Do you have any idea how much turmoil you've caused in our life? 00:54:40.174 --> 00:54:41.424 align:center They have no idea. 00:54:41.425 --> 00:54:44.511 align:center Okay. Give us the case and we'll be out of your hair. 00:54:44.512 --> 00:54:47.097 align:center Okay. Be cool. Give him the case. 00:54:47.098 --> 00:54:48.723 align:center Wait, then we have no movie pitch. 00:54:48.724 --> 00:54:50.809 align:center Wait, hold on. Slattery... 00:54:50.810 --> 00:54:52.769 align:center I'm gonna distract them, and you attack them. 00:54:52.770 --> 00:54:55.355 align:center No, no, no. I've never actually fought a real person. 00:54:55.356 --> 00:54:57.065 align:center - I will throw up. - Hey! 00:54:57.066 --> 00:54:59.401 align:center I'm gonna start to shoot soon. And you don't want that. 00:55:00.027 --> 00:55:02.320 align:center Sorry. 00:55:02.321 --> 00:55:04.447 align:center Okay. You got one roller bed coming right... 00:55:04.448 --> 00:55:06.366 align:center - Oh, my God. -Who's this guy? 00:55:06.367 --> 00:55:07.992 align:center Hey, smile. 00:55:13.749 --> 00:55:16.459 align:center Run. Run! 00:55:19.505 --> 00:55:21.005 align:center I can't see! 00:55:21.006 --> 00:55:22.423 align:center Come on! All right! 00:55:23.676 --> 00:55:24.677 align:center Run! 00:55:25.970 --> 00:55:26.971 align:center Down the stairs! 00:55:33.269 --> 00:55:34.352 align:center Give me that case. 00:55:35.354 --> 00:55:37.355 align:center Welcome to the Blow out Blow out. 00:55:37.356 --> 00:55:41.526 align:center Here is your whip curl king, Remy Fontaine! 00:55:41.527 --> 00:55:42.610 align:center Do you miss me? 00:55:43.988 --> 00:55:45.614 align:center Make some noise for Remy! 00:55:47.408 --> 00:55:49.076 align:center Who wants a whip curl? You? You? 00:55:50.452 --> 00:55:51.995 align:center I see 'em! I think I see 'em. 00:55:58.752 --> 00:56:02.214 align:center Grip it, flip it and whip it. 00:56:03.382 --> 00:56:04.925 align:center You just got fingered. 00:56:05.843 --> 00:56:07.428 align:center Remy! 00:56:08.012 --> 00:56:11.891 align:center I took a little bit of ketamine. So this is a bit frightening. 00:56:12.391 --> 00:56:14.268 align:center I love you, I love you, give me a kiss. 00:56:15.561 --> 00:56:17.353 align:center It's Remy. Not right now, honey. 00:56:17.354 --> 00:56:19.439 align:center Oh! There. The exit. Let's go. 00:56:19.440 --> 00:56:20.940 align:center - Okay. - Go, go, go, go! 00:56:20.941 --> 00:56:21.942 align:center Wait, hold on. 00:56:22.776 --> 00:56:24.360 align:center -Otto, what are you doing? - Trust me. 00:56:24.361 --> 00:56:25.862 align:center Remy loves you. 00:56:25.863 --> 00:56:28.990 align:center Be sure to show your love for Remy at the merchandise table. 00:56:28.991 --> 00:56:30.992 align:center Did everyone sign up for the meet and greet? 00:56:30.993 --> 00:56:33.161 align:center I don't know what the fuck this is. Go that way. 00:56:34.872 --> 00:56:37.874 align:center Whip it good. Whip it real good. 00:56:37.875 --> 00:56:41.085 align:center No, no, no. Gail. Otto! Otto. Gail. 00:56:41.086 --> 00:56:43.338 align:center -It's whip curl madness. - Vincent! 00:56:43.339 --> 00:56:44.422 align:center Caleb! 00:56:44.423 --> 00:56:45.632 align:center - Gail! - Otto! 00:56:45.633 --> 00:56:47.050 align:center John Slattery! 00:56:47.051 --> 00:56:49.470 align:center -I want to whip my curls in it. - Gail, we gotta go. 00:56:50.846 --> 00:56:53.973 align:center Give it up for Remy... Oh, my God. He's got a gun. 00:56:55.601 --> 00:56:57.770 align:center - Found you. - Go, go. Go, go, go. 00:57:02.233 --> 00:57:04.109 align:center Uh... Okay. 00:57:05.319 --> 00:57:06.403 align:center Enough! 00:57:07.404 --> 00:57:08.781 align:center Stop running. 00:57:09.281 --> 00:57:11.616 align:center - I'm tired. Hand it over. -Wait, wait, wait. 00:57:11.617 --> 00:57:13.743 align:center Okay, don't shoot. We can work this out. 00:57:13.744 --> 00:57:15.955 align:center No, no, no. There's nothing to work out. 00:57:16.914 --> 00:57:19.457 align:center - Goodbye, Gail Daughtry. - No, no, no. 00:57:29.260 --> 00:57:31.095 align:center Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 00:57:31.929 --> 00:57:33.096 align:center - Are you okay? - Yeah, yeah. 00:57:33.097 --> 00:57:36.517 align:center The metal plate in my head saved my life. 00:57:37.101 --> 00:57:38.936 align:center - Who are these people? -Get back here. 00:57:41.188 --> 00:57:42.438 align:center Oh! 00:57:42.439 --> 00:57:43.565 align:center Niccolo. 00:57:44.024 --> 00:57:48.152 align:center Niccolo. Oh, no. Niccolo. 00:57:48.153 --> 00:57:49.862 align:center It was an accident, I swear. 00:57:49.863 --> 00:57:50.947 align:center I don't know how it happened. 00:57:50.948 --> 00:57:53.284 align:center - I'm so, so, so sorry. - You. 00:57:54.034 --> 00:57:56.620 align:center You know what? I can cause accidents, too. 00:57:57.413 --> 00:57:59.580 align:center Get ready to burn in... 00:57:59.581 --> 00:58:00.748 align:center Oh! 00:58:00.749 --> 00:58:03.126 align:center You mess with my show, you're gonna get burned. 00:58:03.127 --> 00:58:04.837 align:center Literally. 00:58:08.882 --> 00:58:11.217 align:center That's the Fontaine 3XL, isn't it? 00:58:11.218 --> 00:58:13.052 align:center Yes. They are. 00:58:13.053 --> 00:58:16.055 align:center You know, they say that dog is a man's best friend? Yeah? 00:58:16.056 --> 00:58:17.223 align:center -Yeah. - I say this too, 00:58:17.224 --> 00:58:20.518 align:center but this curling iron is also a very good friend of... 00:58:20.519 --> 00:58:22.353 align:center Oh! 00:58:22.354 --> 00:58:24.273 align:center Oh! 00:58:25.482 --> 00:58:27.191 align:center Give me that. 00:58:30.070 --> 00:58:31.989 align:center Go, go, go! Let's go! 00:58:33.490 --> 00:58:35.033 align:center Hey, sorry, we got held up a little bit... 00:58:35.034 --> 00:58:36.076 align:center Whoa. Oh. 00:58:37.661 --> 00:58:39.997 align:center This is a classic case of two guys on the ground. 00:58:53.010 --> 00:58:55.553 align:center Where are we? Who are you? What do you want from us? 00:58:55.554 --> 00:58:57.805 align:center - Wait. No, no, no. Please, come back. - No, no, no, come back. Come back! 00:58:57.806 --> 00:58:59.516 align:center Come back! 00:59:00.434 --> 00:59:03.019 align:center - What, are they gonna kill us? - I don't know. I don't want to die. 00:59:03.020 --> 00:59:04.313 align:center Me neither. 00:59:05.314 --> 00:59:07.023 align:center Wait. Otto. 00:59:07.024 --> 00:59:08.025 align:center Yeah? 00:59:08.525 --> 00:59:09.610 align:center I just remembered... 00:59:10.361 --> 00:59:13.071 align:center - I can pop my ankle out. - Huh? 00:59:13.072 --> 00:59:15.073 align:center - Okay, do it. Do it. - Okay. 00:59:17.326 --> 00:59:19.161 align:center - Did you do it? - Yeah. 00:59:20.996 --> 00:59:23.706 align:center But it didn't achieve anything, so I'm gonna pop it back in, okay? 00:59:23.707 --> 00:59:25.500 align:center - Okay. Yeah. Pop it back in. Do it. - It hurts. 00:59:25.501 --> 00:59:26.751 align:center Ow. 00:59:27.920 --> 00:59:29.504 align:center Oh, Gail. 00:59:29.505 --> 00:59:31.881 align:center I'm so sorry I talked you into coming to Los Angeles with me. 00:59:31.882 --> 00:59:33.549 align:center Otto, don't do that. 00:59:33.550 --> 00:59:38.262 align:center You've been my most consistent, my most loving, loyal friend 00:59:38.263 --> 00:59:40.599 align:center ever since my parents' double suicide. 00:59:41.558 --> 00:59:43.393 align:center And as I've said to you before, you know, 00:59:43.394 --> 00:59:46.813 align:center I could never presume to understand what it is you've gone through. 00:59:46.814 --> 00:59:49.441 align:center I mean, to find your mother and father in your bed like that. 00:59:50.192 --> 00:59:52.485 align:center - And on your birthday, no less. - Yeah. 00:59:52.486 --> 00:59:56.365 align:center But all I can do is be your friend. 00:59:57.449 --> 00:59:58.450 align:center No matter what. 00:59:59.243 --> 01:00:00.244 align:center Until the end. 01:00:03.038 --> 01:00:04.872 align:center Gail Daughtry. 01:00:04.873 --> 01:00:06.791 align:center Hairdresser. 01:00:06.792 --> 01:00:08.043 align:center Finally, we meet. 01:00:08.544 --> 01:00:13.173 align:center Flawless face to flawless face. 01:00:14.383 --> 01:00:15.384 align:center Who are you? 01:00:16.093 --> 01:00:17.718 align:center Where are we? 01:00:17.719 --> 01:00:23.057 align:center Perhaps you recognize this saloon from the movie Blood on the Wagon. 01:00:23.058 --> 01:00:26.727 align:center I'm sorry, I don't. I'm more into, like, black-and-white Holocaust shit. 01:00:26.728 --> 01:00:28.062 align:center Abandoned years ago. 01:00:28.063 --> 01:00:30.481 align:center A ghost town movie set. 01:00:30.482 --> 01:00:34.694 align:center The irony of building the New World financial order 01:00:34.695 --> 01:00:39.073 align:center from the ruins of fake American mythology... 01:00:39.074 --> 01:00:40.826 align:center makes me so hard. 01:00:41.452 --> 01:00:45.788 align:center At first, I thought you were a hired operative. But no. 01:00:45.789 --> 01:00:46.706 align:center Mm-mmm. 01:00:46.707 --> 01:00:50.877 align:center You are just a girl from Kansas that showed up in my city 01:00:50.878 --> 01:00:52.879 align:center trying to do I don't know what. 01:00:52.880 --> 01:00:54.338 align:center Have sex with Jon Hamm. 01:00:54.339 --> 01:00:56.174 align:center Oh, like a celebrity pass thing? 01:00:56.175 --> 01:00:57.967 align:center -Exactly. - Good luck with that. 01:00:57.968 --> 01:00:59.970 align:center Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. 01:01:00.804 --> 01:01:01.804 align:center - Kill her. - Mm-hmm. 01:01:01.805 --> 01:01:02.722 align:center Wait, what? 01:01:02.723 --> 01:01:04.183 align:center What did she just say? 01:01:04.933 --> 01:01:08.352 align:center - And her little friend, too. - No, no, no, no, no, please. 01:01:08.353 --> 01:01:10.063 align:center Let's do this. Please, not Otto! 01:01:16.862 --> 01:01:18.322 align:center Stop! 01:01:19.281 --> 01:01:21.450 align:center Who the fuck is Remy Fontaine? 01:01:25.537 --> 01:01:28.956 align:center He's king of the whip curl. 01:01:28.957 --> 01:01:30.249 align:center And then I said to him, 01:01:30.250 --> 01:01:32.961 align:center "Uh, if you mess with my show, you're gonna get burned. 01:01:33.545 --> 01:01:36.548 align:center "Uh, literally." It just... It just seemed like something to say. 01:01:37.549 --> 01:01:38.591 align:center A catchphrase. 01:01:40.135 --> 01:01:41.302 align:center Hello? 01:01:41.303 --> 01:01:44.430 align:center Your friends tell me you have something that is mine. 01:01:44.431 --> 01:01:46.140 align:center Who is this? What friends? 01:01:46.141 --> 01:01:49.477 align:center Is this like camp friends? Is this Lieberman? 01:01:49.478 --> 01:01:51.354 align:center Caleb, do whatever she says. She's gonna kill us. 01:01:51.355 --> 01:01:53.606 align:center Lieberman, I swear to God, if this is one of your bits 01:01:53.607 --> 01:01:56.150 align:center it's not even that funny because I actually have some friends 01:01:56.151 --> 01:01:59.278 align:center - who are in legitimate danger right now. - Caleb, it's Gail! 01:01:59.279 --> 01:02:03.115 align:center Bring my reports to 25933 01:02:03.116 --> 01:02:09.081 align:center Sand Canyon Way, Santa Clarita, California, 91387. 01:02:09.706 --> 01:02:11.832 align:center And bring them within the hour. 01:02:11.833 --> 01:02:14.753 align:center If not, your friends will die! 01:02:16.588 --> 01:02:20.091 align:center Well, either Lieberman's upped his game dramatically, 01:02:20.092 --> 01:02:22.843 align:center or Gail and Otto are in really significant danger. 01:02:22.844 --> 01:02:25.221 align:center - We have to go to that address. - Hey, wait. 01:02:25.222 --> 01:02:26.305 align:center Who are we kidding? 01:02:26.306 --> 01:02:28.641 align:center They're not gonna let us just stroll in there, 01:02:28.642 --> 01:02:30.977 align:center save our friends, and then stroll right back out. 01:02:30.978 --> 01:02:33.438 align:center Come on, let's face it. They're... 01:02:33.897 --> 01:02:35.190 align:center They're dead already. 01:02:37.150 --> 01:02:38.652 align:center Vincent. Hey, hey, hey. 01:02:39.778 --> 01:02:40.779 align:center Why is this here? 01:02:41.196 --> 01:02:43.573 align:center It's just a roll of film, man. 01:02:43.574 --> 01:02:46.200 align:center - Why is this in here? - It's just a roll of film. 01:02:46.201 --> 01:02:47.994 align:center - Why is this in here? - It's a roll of film! 01:02:47.995 --> 01:02:49.745 align:center - Why is it in here? - It is a roll of film! 01:02:49.746 --> 01:02:51.622 align:center - Vincent! - Okay, it's there to remind me 01:02:51.623 --> 01:02:54.126 align:center to never leave what's important behind! 01:02:58.213 --> 01:03:00.424 align:center - Let's go save our friends. - Wet's woll. 01:03:01.133 --> 01:03:02.550 align:center Hey, can I go? 01:03:02.551 --> 01:03:05.052 align:center 'Cause if I don't finish my show, I'm out $600. 01:03:05.053 --> 01:03:06.680 align:center -Sir, you need to calm down. - No, no... 01:03:14.563 --> 01:03:15.896 align:center I know this place. 01:03:15.897 --> 01:03:17.690 align:center We shot an episode of Love Boat here. 01:03:17.691 --> 01:03:18.941 align:center Really? Here? 01:03:18.942 --> 01:03:20.610 align:center It was a bottle episode. 01:03:20.611 --> 01:03:21.819 align:center Wait, how old are you? 01:03:22.904 --> 01:03:24.030 align:center You guys hear that? What the heck? 01:03:24.031 --> 01:03:27.033 align:center - Otto! -Gail! Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 01:03:27.034 --> 01:03:28.159 align:center Thank God you're okay. 01:03:28.160 --> 01:03:29.828 align:center I got it. 01:03:30.412 --> 01:03:31.622 align:center Thank you. 01:03:32.289 --> 01:03:33.456 align:center Oh, thank God. 01:03:33.457 --> 01:03:35.250 align:center - Hi. Are you okay? - Yeah, yeah. 01:03:37.961 --> 01:03:39.838 align:center -Hey. - Hi. 01:03:46.678 --> 01:03:48.304 align:center My reports, please. 01:03:48.305 --> 01:03:49.388 align:center The reports are... 01:03:49.389 --> 01:03:54.435 align:center Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold your horses, Slattery. Everybody hold your horses. 01:03:54.436 --> 01:03:56.187 align:center We got the reports. They're close by. 01:03:56.188 --> 01:03:59.357 align:center But first, we're gonna need some assurance that we're getting out of here alive. 01:03:59.358 --> 01:04:01.692 align:center What? You don't trust me? 01:04:01.693 --> 01:04:03.486 align:center Lady, I trust in three things only. 01:04:03.487 --> 01:04:05.529 align:center My mommy, death, and taxes. 01:04:05.530 --> 01:04:07.365 align:center And last I checked, I'm still alive. 01:04:07.366 --> 01:04:09.450 align:center I use TurboTax, and nobody here's breastfeeding me. 01:04:09.451 --> 01:04:13.329 align:center So, yeah, we got a couple of requests on our end. 01:04:13.330 --> 01:04:15.623 align:center You are in no position to bargain. 01:04:15.624 --> 01:04:17.124 align:center We see things a little bit differently, 01:04:17.125 --> 01:04:19.418 align:center because it seems to us that without those documents, 01:04:19.419 --> 01:04:21.003 align:center you don't have what you want. 01:04:21.004 --> 01:04:24.840 align:center And it seems to me that the only people who know where the documents are is us. 01:04:24.841 --> 01:04:28.762 align:center So it seems like right now you need us alive. 01:04:30.972 --> 01:04:32.056 align:center What do you want? 01:04:32.057 --> 01:04:34.850 align:center You tell your goon boys to drop their guns and leave us alone. 01:04:34.851 --> 01:04:38.105 align:center We walk out of here unscathed. You get your documents. It's a win-win. 01:04:41.817 --> 01:04:42.818 align:center Okay. 01:04:44.152 --> 01:04:46.988 align:center Everybody, put your guns in the trash and take a break. 01:04:48.657 --> 01:04:49.908 align:center Happy now? 01:04:53.745 --> 01:04:56.122 align:center Well, I feel like they did everything that we asked for. 01:04:56.123 --> 01:04:58.249 align:center They put the guns in the trash... They gave something, 01:04:58.250 --> 01:04:59.458 align:center - we need to give something. - You guys wanna take a vote? 01:04:59.459 --> 01:05:00.543 align:center Yeah. We all in? 01:05:00.544 --> 01:05:01.836 align:center - Vincent? - Okay. 01:05:01.837 --> 01:05:02.921 align:center Give her the reports. Yeah. 01:05:05.048 --> 01:05:07.718 align:center Here we go. 01:05:09.344 --> 01:05:10.512 align:center Right there. One more. 01:05:12.431 --> 01:05:14.807 align:center These are... Yeah, right there. There you are. 01:05:14.808 --> 01:05:16.434 align:center - And we have one more. One more. -Do you need help? 01:05:16.435 --> 01:05:18.019 align:center - Gail, give me a hand? - Yeah, sure. 01:05:18.979 --> 01:05:21.940 align:center -Okay. - Right there. And one more. 01:05:22.691 --> 01:05:24.608 align:center One more. Come on. 01:05:24.609 --> 01:05:27.070 align:center There it is. And one more, one more. 01:05:34.578 --> 01:05:36.579 align:center Well, that's that. 01:05:36.580 --> 01:05:38.914 align:center - So much for our movie pitch. - At least we're alive. 01:05:38.915 --> 01:05:40.791 align:center Hey, Caleb, you are quite a negotiator. 01:05:40.792 --> 01:05:42.084 align:center - Yeah. - Wow. 01:05:42.085 --> 01:05:43.961 align:center It's all here. 01:05:43.962 --> 01:05:45.171 align:center Hey. 01:05:45.172 --> 01:05:47.631 align:center - Kill them. -Wait, what? 01:05:47.632 --> 01:05:49.383 align:center Wait, wait, wait... No, no, no, no, no. 01:05:49.384 --> 01:05:50.801 align:center Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 01:05:50.802 --> 01:05:52.595 align:center We should have anticipated that they'd come back 01:05:52.596 --> 01:05:53.679 align:center and get their guns again. 01:05:53.680 --> 01:05:55.890 align:center Yeah. Don't blame yourself. I missed it, too. 01:05:55.891 --> 01:05:58.184 align:center These guys are professional killers, right? 01:05:58.185 --> 01:05:59.560 align:center - We both missed it. -We all missed it. 01:05:59.561 --> 01:06:01.353 align:center -Yeah. - I'm kicking myself now. 01:06:01.354 --> 01:06:02.772 align:center It was right in my face. 01:06:02.773 --> 01:06:04.565 align:center Hey, Slattery, now would be a good time to pull off 01:06:04.566 --> 01:06:05.649 align:center some of those moves. 01:06:05.650 --> 01:06:07.067 align:center I told you, I can't... I can't do it. 01:06:07.068 --> 01:06:08.652 align:center Real violence makes me throw up. 01:06:08.653 --> 01:06:13.574 align:center John, no flying machine will ever fly from New York to Paris. 01:06:13.575 --> 01:06:15.994 align:center - What? - Orville Wright said that. 01:06:16.828 --> 01:06:18.455 align:center Now, do you understand what I'm saying? 01:06:19.039 --> 01:06:20.539 align:center Yeah. 01:06:20.540 --> 01:06:21.833 align:center Yeah, I understand. 01:06:22.918 --> 01:06:24.293 align:center Stand back, everybody. 01:06:24.294 --> 01:06:25.836 align:center - I got this. -Okay. 01:06:25.837 --> 01:06:27.880 align:center Fellas, fellas. 01:06:27.881 --> 01:06:29.965 align:center Nobody wants to get hurt, right? 01:06:29.966 --> 01:06:31.675 align:center So why don't we just handle it like this? 01:06:35.555 --> 01:06:36.889 align:center Whoa! 01:06:38.433 --> 01:06:39.810 align:center Hi-yah! 01:06:41.937 --> 01:06:43.897 align:center - Hey, hey, hey. - Not bad, right? 01:06:45.690 --> 01:06:47.818 align:center Hey, boys. Come on! 01:06:50.237 --> 01:06:51.321 align:center Take that. 01:06:52.280 --> 01:06:54.281 align:center Too slow. 01:06:54.282 --> 01:06:55.950 align:center - Good job. -Nope. 01:06:59.246 --> 01:07:01.665 align:center What the fuck? 01:07:02.249 --> 01:07:03.499 align:center Consider that a divorce. 01:07:03.500 --> 01:07:05.794 align:center - Hey, you're mine! -You want some, too, baldy? 01:07:06.419 --> 01:07:07.878 align:center Take that. 01:07:07.879 --> 01:07:09.589 align:center This is fun. I can do this all day. 01:07:10.882 --> 01:07:12.174 align:center Got your eye, motherfucker. 01:07:13.176 --> 01:07:14.052 align:center Ooh! 01:07:14.636 --> 01:07:16.136 align:center Going up, motherfucker. 01:07:16.137 --> 01:07:17.304 align:center I got you, asshole! 01:07:21.268 --> 01:07:23.143 align:center Down goes Frazier. 01:07:23.144 --> 01:07:24.478 align:center Slattery, you old son of a bitch. 01:07:26.648 --> 01:07:27.565 align:center Oh! 01:07:27.566 --> 01:07:29.276 align:center Still got it. 01:07:30.151 --> 01:07:32.444 align:center This is for Nico and Marco 01:07:32.445 --> 01:07:34.196 align:center and all the unnecessary agita you caused me 01:07:34.197 --> 01:07:35.698 align:center over the last 11 and a half hours. 01:07:35.699 --> 01:07:37.157 align:center - No, no, no, no. - You kill my friends, 01:07:37.158 --> 01:07:39.326 align:center I kill your friends. Bye-bye. 01:07:39.327 --> 01:07:41.328 align:center No, no, no, no. Please, please. 01:07:41.329 --> 01:07:42.329 align:center Huh? 01:07:46.167 --> 01:07:48.086 align:center Stings. 01:07:55.302 --> 01:07:57.052 align:center - Whoops. - Let's face it. 01:07:57.053 --> 01:07:59.138 align:center You can pack quite a punch. "Let's face it." 01:08:00.682 --> 01:08:01.599 align:center Wow. 01:08:01.600 --> 01:08:02.850 align:center Where did you learn that, man? 01:08:02.851 --> 01:08:05.520 align:center I'm self-taught. Totally self-taught. 01:08:06.104 --> 01:08:08.856 align:center - I have a practice head in my garage. -Did you see that? He saved my life. 01:08:08.857 --> 01:08:10.649 align:center - I gotta tell you... -Unreal. 01:08:10.650 --> 01:08:11.984 align:center Oh, shit. 01:08:17.657 --> 01:08:18.533 align:center Ding-ding. 01:08:19.367 --> 01:08:21.201 align:center Round two, motherfuckers. 01:08:21.202 --> 01:08:22.662 align:center I'll take 'em one by one. 01:08:32.380 --> 01:08:34.798 align:center Wow, I thought that was gonna take much more time and energy. 01:08:34.799 --> 01:08:36.717 align:center Yeah, you know, we just picked up those dead guys' guns. 01:08:36.718 --> 01:08:38.344 align:center - We just went for it. - Improvised a little. 01:08:38.345 --> 01:08:39.428 align:center The guns make it easier. 01:08:39.429 --> 01:08:40.721 align:center I've never shot a gun before in my life. 01:08:40.722 --> 01:08:42.432 align:center -Thank you. - I would have never guessed. 01:08:43.725 --> 01:08:45.477 align:center - Damn it. - Get her! 01:08:53.318 --> 01:08:54.777 align:center - Tom? I have to call you back. -Gail. 01:08:54.778 --> 01:08:56.070 align:center I was able to extend the deposit. 01:08:56.071 --> 01:08:58.322 align:center We'll talk about this later. I'm literally in the middle of a thing. 01:08:58.323 --> 01:08:59.406 align:center I have to call you back. 01:08:59.407 --> 01:09:01.033 align:center Are you on a treadmill right now? 01:09:08.875 --> 01:09:10.043 align:center Get back here! 01:09:15.590 --> 01:09:20.177 align:center Hey, give us one good reason why we shouldn't kill you... right now. 01:09:20.178 --> 01:09:22.846 align:center - I have very powerful friends. - Uh-huh. 01:09:22.847 --> 01:09:24.431 align:center - We can make a deal. -Like what? 01:09:24.432 --> 01:09:25.892 align:center Let me explain. 01:09:26.768 --> 01:09:28.227 align:center - What do you guys think? -Yeah, yeah. 01:09:28.228 --> 01:09:29.520 align:center - Yeah, give her a shot. - You sure? 01:09:29.521 --> 01:09:30.814 align:center -Yeah. - Yeah, let her explain. Let her explain. 01:09:32.482 --> 01:09:35.317 align:center - We're listening. - Okay. What if... 01:09:35.318 --> 01:09:36.735 align:center Caleb! 01:09:36.736 --> 01:09:39.113 align:center We just said that we would listen to what she has to say. 01:09:39.114 --> 01:09:41.407 align:center I'm sorry. It's the adrenaline. I just had to do it. 01:09:41.408 --> 01:09:43.784 align:center Okay. Continue, uh... 01:09:43.785 --> 01:09:46.286 align:center - Ludovica. - That is so pretty. 01:09:46.287 --> 01:09:47.663 align:center - Thank you. -I've never heard that... 01:09:47.664 --> 01:09:48.706 align:center Vincent. What did I just say? 01:09:48.707 --> 01:09:51.083 align:center I know, but you saw what they tried to do to us back there. 01:09:51.084 --> 01:09:53.627 align:center - She tried to kill us all. - We said that we would at least listen 01:09:53.628 --> 01:09:55.337 align:center to what she has to propose... 01:09:55.338 --> 01:09:58.173 align:center - Guys, what is going on? - Why don't they listen to you? 01:09:58.174 --> 01:09:59.633 align:center Ludovica, just let me... 01:09:59.634 --> 01:10:02.219 align:center You're already on thin ice, so just shut up for a second, okay? 01:10:02.220 --> 01:10:04.013 align:center - Otto, don't hit her. - Yeah? Sorry. Yeah. 01:10:04.014 --> 01:10:05.097 align:center - Slattery. - What? 01:10:05.098 --> 01:10:06.849 align:center Do you need to get one in before we can listen to what she has to say? 01:10:06.850 --> 01:10:08.600 align:center No. I'm good. I got all mine out back there. 01:10:08.601 --> 01:10:10.144 align:center Okay. Everybody chill? 01:10:10.145 --> 01:10:12.062 align:center - Yeah. - Yeah, I'm super chill. Super chill. 01:10:12.063 --> 01:10:13.480 align:center - Ludovica. - Yes? 01:10:13.481 --> 01:10:16.568 align:center - The floor is yours. - Really? Now? 01:10:17.360 --> 01:10:21.280 align:center - Okay? So, if you let me go... - Oh! 01:10:21.281 --> 01:10:23.658 align:center Guys, what in the actual fuck? 01:10:31.166 --> 01:10:32.333 align:center You're all out. 01:10:34.419 --> 01:10:36.170 align:center Wait. Wait. 01:10:44.137 --> 01:10:46.431 align:center Huh? You like that? 01:10:56.608 --> 01:11:00.360 align:center All right, all right. All right, you did it. You're good. 01:11:04.074 --> 01:11:05.992 align:center - Oh, my God. -Gail. 01:11:06.951 --> 01:11:08.327 align:center She said, "Wait." Why did you... 01:11:08.328 --> 01:11:10.287 align:center I got swept up in it, too. What can I say? 01:11:10.288 --> 01:11:13.290 align:center I'm human. I'm not perfect. 01:11:13.291 --> 01:11:15.793 align:center Of course. Of course. No, we're not judging. 01:11:15.794 --> 01:11:17.003 align:center Jeez. 01:11:18.838 --> 01:11:20.548 align:center Let's finish what we started, huh? 01:11:23.635 --> 01:11:25.219 align:center - You guys ready? -Yes! 01:11:25.220 --> 01:11:26.512 align:center You got all the paperwork? 01:11:26.513 --> 01:11:28.597 align:center Wow, that instant stain remover pen really works. 01:11:28.598 --> 01:11:29.599 align:center -Doesn't it? - Yeah. 01:11:31.684 --> 01:11:34.061 align:center You're back. I like you guys, 01:11:34.062 --> 01:11:35.813 align:center but if you keep coming here with nothing to offer, 01:11:35.814 --> 01:11:37.773 align:center I'm professionally obligated to make you sick. 01:11:37.774 --> 01:11:39.150 align:center We have a movie pitch for Jon Hamm. 01:11:39.692 --> 01:11:41.777 align:center What's it about? Lay it down in two minutes or less. 01:11:41.778 --> 01:11:43.862 align:center Well, Terrence, I could give you the old verbal pitch. 01:11:43.863 --> 01:11:45.739 align:center That'd be easy. But I'm gonna do you one better 01:11:45.740 --> 01:11:48.742 align:center because sometimes, a giant stack of loose paperwork 01:11:48.743 --> 01:11:50.411 align:center is worth a thousand pitches. 01:11:52.330 --> 01:11:54.415 align:center - Is this blood on here? - Yeah. 01:11:55.250 --> 01:11:56.542 align:center Do you want to explain where it came from? 01:11:56.543 --> 01:11:57.544 align:center No. 01:11:58.169 --> 01:11:59.170 align:center Okay. 01:12:06.469 --> 01:12:07.595 align:center Wow. 01:12:08.346 --> 01:12:11.431 align:center This is the kind of part Jon Hamm would destroy. 01:12:11.432 --> 01:12:13.767 align:center Yes! 01:12:13.768 --> 01:12:16.854 align:center I think it's finally time for you to meet Mr. Hamm. 01:12:34.372 --> 01:12:36.498 align:center Hey. I'm Jon. What's up? 01:12:36.499 --> 01:12:39.418 align:center Wow. It is such an honor to meet you. 01:12:39.419 --> 01:12:41.504 align:center My name is Gail, and these are my friends. 01:12:42.505 --> 01:12:46.550 align:center - Otto, Caleb, Vincent and... - Slat-man! I owe you a text. 01:12:46.551 --> 01:12:48.218 align:center Dude, no worries at all. 01:12:48.219 --> 01:12:49.428 align:center It's all good. 01:12:49.429 --> 01:12:51.972 align:center So, my friend Terrence tells me you guys have a movie to pitch me? 01:12:51.973 --> 01:12:54.224 align:center Yes, we do, and it is a home run. 01:12:54.225 --> 01:12:56.226 align:center Well, it better be, 'cause if it is, 01:12:56.227 --> 01:12:58.312 align:center I will literally do anything for you. 01:12:58.313 --> 01:13:00.272 align:center - I'm gonna hold you to that. -Okay, and, Slattery, 01:13:00.273 --> 01:13:02.316 align:center - you're gonna be co-starring in this? - What? 01:13:02.317 --> 01:13:04.568 align:center Don Draper, Roger Sterling, back together again? 01:13:04.569 --> 01:13:06.069 align:center Yeah! 01:13:06.070 --> 01:13:07.946 align:center I'm gonna have to check my schedule, but yeah. 01:13:07.947 --> 01:13:10.324 align:center Oh, and, Vince here is an excellent writer. 01:13:10.325 --> 01:13:11.700 align:center He's gonna do the screenplay. 01:13:11.701 --> 01:13:14.912 align:center Oh, the all-important scribe. Yes, sir. 01:13:14.913 --> 01:13:18.123 align:center And I assume you are the negotiator? 01:13:18.124 --> 01:13:21.335 align:center Oh, yeah. Well, I worked at CAA but I'm between agencies at the moment. 01:13:21.336 --> 01:13:24.421 align:center Well, not for long, if this thing does what I think it's gonna do, am I right? 01:13:24.422 --> 01:13:26.925 align:center Yeah, he's right about that. 01:13:27.425 --> 01:13:28.592 align:center Now, what about my hair? 01:13:28.593 --> 01:13:30.761 align:center Who's gonna take care of that? Any ideas there? 01:13:30.762 --> 01:13:33.514 align:center Um, you're looking at it. Three years combined experience. 01:13:34.140 --> 01:13:35.850 align:center Perfect. I am psyched. 01:13:36.434 --> 01:13:38.060 align:center Let's hear this pitch. 01:13:38.061 --> 01:13:40.812 align:center Well, listen, Jonny, I'd give the old verbal pitch. 01:13:40.813 --> 01:13:42.439 align:center That'd be easy. But I'm gonna do you one better 01:13:42.440 --> 01:13:45.192 align:center because sometimes, a binder full of loose paperwork 01:13:45.193 --> 01:13:48.029 align:center - is worth a thousand pitches. - Okay, but I don't want to read it. 01:13:48.655 --> 01:13:50.822 align:center - You... - Just tell me the story. 01:13:50.823 --> 01:13:52.324 align:center Tell you... He wants to hear the story. 01:13:52.325 --> 01:13:53.784 align:center - You want me to go? -Oh, yes, yes, yes. 01:13:53.785 --> 01:13:56.329 align:center What do I say? Guys? Guys... It's a story about espionage. 01:13:56.913 --> 01:13:58.956 align:center Of double identities. 01:13:58.957 --> 01:14:01.583 align:center - A secret global network... - Okay, let me stop you right there 01:14:01.584 --> 01:14:04.712 align:center 'cause I think I get the world of this. But where's the heart? 01:14:05.213 --> 01:14:07.547 align:center - The heart? - The heart, the heart. 01:14:07.548 --> 01:14:09.008 align:center That's where your character comes in. 01:14:09.592 --> 01:14:12.135 align:center He's a guy who's been put to the test... 01:14:12.136 --> 01:14:14.721 align:center - Yeah. - Okay? Until he finally realizes 01:14:14.722 --> 01:14:16.723 align:center what it's all about. The people you love. 01:14:16.724 --> 01:14:19.643 align:center Okay, I like that, but I don't want it to be too dumbed down. 01:14:19.644 --> 01:14:21.937 align:center Don't you worry about that. It is the opposite of dumb. 01:14:21.938 --> 01:14:23.563 align:center It blows the lid off the entire genre, 01:14:23.564 --> 01:14:25.565 align:center and it's all centered around a loose pile of paperwork 01:14:25.566 --> 01:14:27.693 align:center that can't fall into the wrong hands or else... 01:14:27.694 --> 01:14:28.819 align:center Get this, Jon. 01:14:28.820 --> 01:14:31.154 align:center - Major clusterfuck. - Clusterfuck. That's smart. 01:14:31.155 --> 01:14:33.407 align:center Okay, so it's smart and it has heart. 01:14:33.408 --> 01:14:34.992 align:center -Yes. - But does it have cojones? 01:14:34.993 --> 01:14:36.868 align:center Oh, buddy, big ones. 01:14:36.869 --> 01:14:42.332 align:center Try this on for size. One man, two fists, killing maybe 20, maybe 30 henchmen. 01:14:42.333 --> 01:14:44.209 align:center I don't know, it felt like the same eight guys 01:14:44.210 --> 01:14:45.460 align:center recycled over and over again. 01:14:45.461 --> 01:14:47.921 align:center But real life. Raw. Uncensored. 01:14:47.922 --> 01:14:50.632 align:center - Physical. Visceral. - I'm getting goosebumps. 01:14:51.759 --> 01:14:54.345 align:center - This is crazy. This has got balls! -Yes! 01:14:56.139 --> 01:14:57.140 align:center Yeah. 01:14:57.932 --> 01:14:58.933 align:center Pass. 01:15:00.685 --> 01:15:01.977 align:center - What? - What? 01:15:01.978 --> 01:15:04.313 align:center Yeah. Respectfully, I'm gonna pass on this. 01:15:04.314 --> 01:15:08.066 align:center But thank you guys for coming by. What fun. I gotta jump on a Zoom, so... 01:15:08.067 --> 01:15:09.735 align:center Wait, wait, wait. That's it? 01:15:09.736 --> 01:15:11.737 align:center What don't you like? Because we're not married to anything. 01:15:11.738 --> 01:15:14.323 align:center - Yeah, we can change anything. - Literally everything. 01:15:14.324 --> 01:15:16.783 align:center No. Yeah, no, no, I'm just not feeling it at all. 01:15:16.784 --> 01:15:18.828 align:center So, Terrence is gonna show you out. Thanks again. 01:15:19.787 --> 01:15:21.121 align:center - Fun. - Buddy... 01:15:21.122 --> 01:15:24.207 align:center Oh, hey. Y'all heard him. Everybody out. Everybody out. Let's get out. 01:15:24.208 --> 01:15:27.502 align:center You lost. It happens sometimes. That's... That's the way it is. 01:15:27.503 --> 01:15:28.796 align:center Where's the girl? 01:15:31.007 --> 01:15:32.175 align:center What? 01:15:33.092 --> 01:15:34.177 align:center This isn't a Zoom. 01:15:34.594 --> 01:15:37.054 align:center Oh, shame on you, Jon Hamm. 01:15:37.055 --> 01:15:40.349 align:center We came all this way. We risked our lives to find you. 01:15:40.350 --> 01:15:41.433 align:center And for what? 01:15:41.434 --> 01:15:44.979 align:center You making promises to each of us that you had no intention of keeping. 01:15:45.897 --> 01:15:47.939 align:center You're not the person that I thought you were. 01:15:50.485 --> 01:15:51.736 align:center You're absolutely right. 01:15:54.655 --> 01:15:55.740 align:center The honest truth is... 01:15:56.449 --> 01:15:57.825 align:center I'm just scared. 01:15:59.452 --> 01:16:03.038 align:center - Sorry, Mr. Hamm. She snuck by me... - Terrence, it's okay. Please, please. 01:16:03.039 --> 01:16:04.165 align:center Don't make her sick. 01:16:04.749 --> 01:16:08.211 align:center - He's gonna make you sick, Gail. - Guys, guys, look. 01:16:08.795 --> 01:16:10.921 align:center I made it seem like I could set up your project 01:16:10.922 --> 01:16:13.799 align:center because that's what I thought you wanted to hear. 01:16:13.800 --> 01:16:16.344 align:center But the truth is, you can't do anything for any of us. 01:16:16.928 --> 01:16:18.971 align:center You're just an actor. 01:16:19.931 --> 01:16:21.390 align:center You don't know any more about how to set up 01:16:21.391 --> 01:16:23.810 align:center the nuts and bolts of a movie than any of us do. 01:16:25.436 --> 01:16:27.522 align:center - Isn't that right? - Honestly, yes. 01:16:28.398 --> 01:16:30.775 align:center I'm a grown man, but inside I'm still just a... 01:16:31.484 --> 01:16:32.567 align:center little kid. 01:16:32.568 --> 01:16:36.405 align:center That same awkward wanderer who finally found his place 01:16:36.406 --> 01:16:39.408 align:center when he got cast as Winnie-the-Pooh in first grade. 01:16:39.409 --> 01:16:40.367 align:center Oh. 01:16:40.368 --> 01:16:43.161 align:center My teacher said I was one of the best Poohs of the year. 01:16:43.162 --> 01:16:44.663 align:center I bet you were a great Pooh. 01:16:44.664 --> 01:16:46.957 align:center - That's when I got bit by the acting bug. - Huh. 01:16:46.958 --> 01:16:48.041 align:center And I never got cured. 01:16:48.042 --> 01:16:49.835 align:center In high school, I did a wonderful production of Godspell. 01:16:49.836 --> 01:16:51.963 align:center Let's get to the part about Mad Men. 01:16:53.798 --> 01:16:56.758 align:center Well, Mad Men was a juggernaut beyond my wildest dreams. 01:16:56.759 --> 01:17:01.138 align:center Of all the jobs I did in 2007, it was arguably the most high profile. 01:17:01.139 --> 01:17:03.515 align:center Those were the days. Wall-to-wall trim. 01:17:03.516 --> 01:17:05.976 align:center But then I looked around. People started seeing me differently. 01:17:05.977 --> 01:17:08.186 align:center They started seeing "Jon Hamm," 01:17:08.187 --> 01:17:10.981 align:center the larger-than-life guy with the great jaw 01:17:10.982 --> 01:17:13.025 align:center and the perfect hairline. You know? 01:17:13.526 --> 01:17:15.485 align:center So I guess I just started reflecting back to the public 01:17:15.486 --> 01:17:17.112 align:center what I thought they wanted to see. 01:17:17.113 --> 01:17:20.324 align:center The Jon Hamm they see on the billboards, it's not me. 01:17:20.950 --> 01:17:22.702 align:center I'm just the guy behind the curtain, 01:17:23.703 --> 01:17:25.036 align:center pulling the levers. 01:17:25.037 --> 01:17:27.415 align:center I guess we all came a long way for nothing. 01:17:29.041 --> 01:17:30.877 align:center Sorry to waste your time. 01:17:32.712 --> 01:17:34.088 align:center -Let's go. - Wait, wait. 01:17:35.256 --> 01:17:37.549 align:center I may not be able to help you set up this project, 01:17:37.550 --> 01:17:39.844 align:center but I can do something for you guys. 01:17:41.429 --> 01:17:44.681 align:center Caleb, what if I was to call CAA 01:17:44.682 --> 01:17:48.393 align:center and strongly suggest that they give you your job back? 01:17:48.394 --> 01:17:50.312 align:center - That'd be amazing... - Yes. 01:17:50.313 --> 01:17:53.648 align:center And, Slattery, I got roped into doing my lawyer's kid's student film, 01:17:53.649 --> 01:17:56.276 align:center but I bet I could convince them to give you the job instead. 01:17:56.277 --> 01:17:57.402 align:center Wow. Thanks, man. 01:17:57.403 --> 01:18:00.155 align:center They say that student films are the gateway to bigger stuff sometimes. 01:18:00.156 --> 01:18:01.364 align:center - Vincent? - Yes? 01:18:01.365 --> 01:18:02.867 align:center You wanted to be a screenwriter? 01:18:03.576 --> 01:18:04.577 align:center Well... 01:18:05.828 --> 01:18:07.830 align:center I'm more of a photographer these days. 01:18:08.789 --> 01:18:10.290 align:center Would you mind if I get a shot of you? 01:18:10.291 --> 01:18:11.500 align:center - I'd be honored. - Yeah! 01:18:11.501 --> 01:18:12.752 align:center Something candid? Like this? 01:18:15.463 --> 01:18:18.132 align:center Perfect. 01:18:21.219 --> 01:18:22.220 align:center Just perfect. 01:18:25.223 --> 01:18:27.432 align:center Oh, and, Otto, I have something for you. 01:18:27.433 --> 01:18:30.435 align:center My swag bag from the Movie and Television awards. 01:18:30.436 --> 01:18:32.562 align:center It's got a whole bunch of stuff I will never use, 01:18:32.563 --> 01:18:35.774 align:center including some VIP passes to Magic Mountain. 01:18:36.734 --> 01:18:38.568 align:center Oh, Magic Mountain. I want to go. 01:18:38.569 --> 01:18:40.737 align:center - Thank you. - It's the least I could do. 01:18:40.738 --> 01:18:43.532 align:center - You guys... - Thank you for everything, Jon. I mean... 01:18:43.533 --> 01:18:45.409 align:center Wait, wait. What about Gail? 01:18:46.285 --> 01:18:49.037 align:center She's kind of the whole reason we came here in the first place. 01:18:49.038 --> 01:18:51.706 align:center That's right. What about Gail? 01:18:51.707 --> 01:18:53.501 align:center Yeah. Jon. Do Gail next. 01:18:54.043 --> 01:18:55.336 align:center - Guys. -Oh. 01:18:56.003 --> 01:18:58.672 align:center Gail, what's your dream? 01:18:58.673 --> 01:19:01.801 align:center You wanted to be a hairdresser for the movies, am I right? 01:19:02.552 --> 01:19:03.678 align:center Uh... 01:19:06.639 --> 01:19:08.266 align:center No. 01:19:08.933 --> 01:19:10.268 align:center I actually, um... 01:19:11.978 --> 01:19:13.688 align:center have a different kind of request. 01:19:40.298 --> 01:19:42.424 align:center Hey, we'll let... We'll let you two take it from here. 01:19:42.425 --> 01:19:43.509 align:center Come on. Let's go. Yeah. 01:20:16.417 --> 01:20:17.751 align:center There you go, Mommy. 01:20:17.752 --> 01:20:18.794 align:center I'm back in the game. 01:20:19.295 --> 01:20:20.296 align:center Junior assistant. 01:20:22.715 --> 01:20:25.216 align:center Roll sound. Rolling sound. Speed. 01:20:25.217 --> 01:20:26.635 align:center Boardroom scene. Take seven. 01:20:26.636 --> 01:20:28.261 align:center Marker. Action. 01:20:28.262 --> 01:20:31.806 align:center How many times do I have to tell you guys what's going on around here? 01:20:31.807 --> 01:20:33.433 align:center Yeah. What are you doing? You can't smile... 01:20:33.434 --> 01:20:36.145 align:center Nobody seems to know... Nobody's on the same page. 01:20:40.941 --> 01:20:42.359 align:center Sorry this is 15 years late. 01:20:42.360 --> 01:20:43.401 align:center Wait, what? 01:20:43.402 --> 01:20:45.488 align:center Oh. And by the way... 01:20:47.365 --> 01:20:48.448 align:center I quit. 01:20:48.449 --> 01:20:50.575 align:center I'm sorry, who are you? What is this? 01:20:50.576 --> 01:20:52.662 align:center Debbie, who the fuck did you just let in my office? 01:20:53.287 --> 01:20:56.414 align:center Wait a minute. Ha! That son of a bitch. 01:20:56.415 --> 01:20:58.249 align:center He got his white whale. 01:20:58.250 --> 01:21:00.460 align:center I'll be damned. 01:21:00.461 --> 01:21:02.379 align:center Vincent, you old son of a bitch. 01:21:02.380 --> 01:21:04.631 align:center He's gone. Do you want me to go get him? 01:21:04.632 --> 01:21:07.342 align:center Oh, no. That's okay. I can text him. Just remind me. Put it on the list. 01:21:07.343 --> 01:21:08.885 align:center And this would be regarding... 01:21:08.886 --> 01:21:12.639 align:center Just put "son of a bitch." I'll know what it means. 01:21:15.726 --> 01:21:16.851 align:center I'll know what it means. 01:21:34.161 --> 01:21:35.246 align:center I feel like... 01:21:36.497 --> 01:21:38.541 align:center "I'm floating above the clouds." 01:21:40.835 --> 01:21:44.004 align:center "Chains of yesterday dissolve like morning mist." 01:21:45.506 --> 01:21:47.967 align:center "As I rise on newfound wings, 01:21:48.592 --> 01:21:50.469 align:center "Towards endless blue..." 01:21:51.470 --> 01:21:54.139 align:center - "In cloudscapes pure and bright." - "In cloudscapes pure and bright." 01:21:54.140 --> 01:21:55.557 align:center - "I am made new." - "I am made new." 01:21:55.558 --> 01:21:56.642 align:center What? 01:21:57.351 --> 01:21:59.185 align:center I've never met anyone that knows that poem. 01:21:59.186 --> 01:22:01.438 align:center Who doesn't love J.M. Stansel? 01:22:01.439 --> 01:22:03.441 align:center Are you kidding me? I'm a Stansel junkie. 01:22:05.943 --> 01:22:08.403 align:center I know this sounds crazy, but I could imagine you and me 01:22:08.404 --> 01:22:11.197 align:center - rising on wings toward endless blue. - Mm. 01:22:11.198 --> 01:22:12.783 align:center Wouldn't that be something? 01:22:13.617 --> 01:22:15.369 align:center Some other lifetime, maybe. 01:22:16.078 --> 01:22:17.079 align:center Sure. 01:22:17.830 --> 01:22:19.123 align:center Some other lifetime. 01:22:23.461 --> 01:22:25.504 align:center Jon Hamm. 01:22:26.756 --> 01:22:27.840 align:center Who knew? 01:22:28.799 --> 01:22:30.550 align:center It's too bad you're getting married. 01:22:30.551 --> 01:22:34.263 align:center Because I would love to take you to this magical spot I know in St. Blarts. 01:22:35.556 --> 01:22:38.225 align:center Soomer in St. Blarts sounds incredible. 01:22:39.560 --> 01:22:41.227 align:center I'm so flattered. 01:22:41.228 --> 01:22:44.773 align:center But, yes, I am getting married 01:22:44.774 --> 01:22:47.651 align:center and so I can't go to St. Blarts with you. 01:22:48.486 --> 01:22:49.487 align:center But... 01:22:50.404 --> 01:22:53.573 align:center sincerely, it was so great to fuck you. 01:22:53.574 --> 01:22:55.826 align:center And thanks for everything. 01:22:58.329 --> 01:22:59.830 align:center - Be well. - You too. 01:23:07.880 --> 01:23:09.006 align:center What a day. 01:23:09.924 --> 01:23:12.926 align:center LAX, please. You got it. 01:23:12.927 --> 01:23:14.427 align:center Probably good you're getting out of the city. 01:23:14.428 --> 01:23:16.554 align:center I'm sure you heard about the mess that happened 01:23:16.555 --> 01:23:19.015 align:center at the abandoned movie lot the other night. 01:23:20.142 --> 01:23:21.644 align:center - Go ahead. Go around me. - Uh... 01:23:22.603 --> 01:23:23.853 align:center No, no. I'm... I haven't heard. 01:23:23.854 --> 01:23:25.647 align:center - What happened? - You haven't heard? Oh... 01:23:25.648 --> 01:23:28.358 align:center They found dozens of dead bodies out there. 01:23:28.359 --> 01:23:30.985 align:center It's just impossible to process. 01:23:30.986 --> 01:23:34.030 align:center I mean, nothing like that has ever happened before. 01:23:34.031 --> 01:23:36.533 align:center Hey, sorry, I think I recognize you. 01:23:36.534 --> 01:23:39.035 align:center Are you Elizabeth Perkins, by any chance? 01:23:39.036 --> 01:23:40.328 align:center Yes. 01:23:40.329 --> 01:23:41.664 align:center Hey, there. 01:23:44.959 --> 01:23:46.417 align:center Get over here, Solly. 01:23:46.418 --> 01:23:48.711 align:center The ceremony's gonna start in a few minutes. 01:23:48.712 --> 01:23:50.797 align:center - Do you know what works with bridesmaids? - What? 01:23:50.798 --> 01:23:53.842 align:center A little Slattery flattery. 01:23:53.843 --> 01:23:56.387 align:center How about some... How about some Caleb... 01:24:00.474 --> 01:24:01.558 align:center Okay. 01:24:01.559 --> 01:24:03.810 align:center So, when I tell you you may kiss the bride, 01:24:03.811 --> 01:24:05.353 align:center that's your cue to, uh... 01:24:05.354 --> 01:24:07.522 align:center Well, I'm gonna keep this PG. 01:24:07.523 --> 01:24:09.024 align:center I'm not sure I understand. 01:24:10.067 --> 01:24:12.569 align:center Mm. Nobody rocks a whip curl like my girl. 01:24:14.697 --> 01:24:17.532 align:center Hey, you're still feeling okay about all this, right? 01:24:17.533 --> 01:24:20.535 align:center No. Yeah. Yes, no. No, I am feeling good. 01:24:20.536 --> 01:24:21.703 align:center - You sure? - Yeah. 01:24:21.704 --> 01:24:23.706 align:center I mean, Tom is far from perfect. 01:24:24.957 --> 01:24:26.666 align:center Like, he works too much. 01:24:26.667 --> 01:24:28.626 align:center He drinks a little bit more than I'd like him to. 01:24:28.627 --> 01:24:30.753 align:center He snores so loud. 01:24:30.754 --> 01:24:33.840 align:center He'll never say things like, "Thank you" or "I'm sorry." 01:24:33.841 --> 01:24:36.342 align:center And when I had that full hysterectomy, 01:24:36.343 --> 01:24:39.471 align:center and I really, really needed him to be there for me, 01:24:40.639 --> 01:24:42.056 align:center - he essentially checked out. - Yeah. 01:24:42.057 --> 01:24:44.684 align:center I think it's just about picking your poison. 01:24:44.685 --> 01:24:47.605 align:center And I guess Tom is my poison. 01:24:48.314 --> 01:24:50.189 align:center Make sure you say all that in your vows. 01:24:51.275 --> 01:24:55.946 align:center And now, time for the $64,000 question. 01:24:57.781 --> 01:25:01.659 align:center Gail Elizabeth Daughtry, do you take Tom Soursap McNoodleman 01:25:01.660 --> 01:25:04.746 align:center to be your husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, 01:25:04.747 --> 01:25:06.122 align:center for better or for worse, 01:25:06.123 --> 01:25:09.376 align:center in sickness and in health, till death do you part? 01:25:17.009 --> 01:25:18.093 align:center I... 01:25:19.178 --> 01:25:20.220 align:center Gail? 01:25:27.311 --> 01:25:29.395 align:center No, I... I'm... 01:25:29.396 --> 01:25:31.898 align:center Wow. I'm sorry. I don't want to marry you. 01:25:31.899 --> 01:25:34.068 align:center Oh! Thank God. 01:25:35.319 --> 01:25:38.697 align:center Tom, you have been my whole world. 01:25:39.698 --> 01:25:44.661 align:center But there's a whole universe out there waiting for me to explore. 01:25:44.662 --> 01:25:48.958 align:center There's celebrities, there's fancy hotels and unexpected friendships. 01:25:49.458 --> 01:25:50.459 align:center - Hello. - Hi. 01:25:53.712 --> 01:25:55.089 align:center I don't want to hurt you. 01:25:56.423 --> 01:25:59.009 align:center But I guess I have to, Tom. 01:26:00.052 --> 01:26:01.804 align:center Is this because of the Aniston thing? 01:26:02.388 --> 01:26:05.265 align:center Does it change anything if I told you I only half finished? 01:26:06.558 --> 01:26:09.143 align:center Gail! 01:26:12.773 --> 01:26:15.609 align:center Gail! 01:26:16.443 --> 01:26:17.444 align:center Gail! 01:26:20.239 --> 01:26:21.864 align:center - Gail! - Jon. 01:26:21.865 --> 01:26:23.575 align:center Ooh! 01:26:24.827 --> 01:26:25.828 align:center Jon. 01:26:28.497 --> 01:26:29.956 align:center What are you doing here? 01:26:29.957 --> 01:26:33.084 align:center Gail, you are the only woman I have ever met 01:26:33.085 --> 01:26:36.213 align:center who has made me feel good about being the real me. 01:26:36.797 --> 01:26:39.925 align:center And so I flew 1,400 miles in this balloon to tell you 01:26:40.592 --> 01:26:42.552 align:center I want to be with you. Forever. 01:26:42.553 --> 01:26:44.638 align:center Wow. Jon Hamm... 01:26:45.764 --> 01:26:48.349 align:center I never dreamed that I would see you again. 01:26:48.350 --> 01:26:51.310 align:center But as you can see, I'm just getting out of something. 01:26:51.311 --> 01:26:52.562 align:center Hey, Jon. 01:26:52.563 --> 01:26:56.024 align:center I'm definitely down to hang. Maybe we can keep it casual? 01:26:56.025 --> 01:26:58.484 align:center Oh, totally. Why don't we just keep it loose and freaky? 01:26:58.485 --> 01:26:59.820 align:center Loose and freaky sounds great. 01:27:00.404 --> 01:27:01.405 align:center Get in here. 01:27:08.245 --> 01:27:10.121 align:center Go, Gail, go. 01:27:12.499 --> 01:27:13.500 align:center Yes. 01:27:18.088 --> 01:27:20.214 align:center What the fuck is happening? 01:27:35.314 --> 01:27:39.275 align:center And if you're wondering what happened to Gail and Mr. Hamm... 01:27:39.276 --> 01:27:40.401 align:center I don't know. 01:27:40.402 --> 01:27:43.697 align:center He just picked her up on that balloon, and it's happening right now as we speak. 01:27:44.448 --> 01:27:46.283 align:center I mean, I'm not a fortune teller. 01:27:47.159 --> 01:27:49.786 align:center And if I'm being honest, when did it become my job 01:27:49.787 --> 01:27:52.872 align:center to spoon-feed you every little nuanced point in this story? 01:27:52.873 --> 01:27:54.832 align:center I mean, you're 35 years old, right? 01:27:54.833 --> 01:27:56.835 align:center You can figure out some stuff on your own. 01:27:57.920 --> 01:28:00.213 align:center I mean, to tell you the truth, I got a lot of problems of my own. 01:28:00.214 --> 01:28:01.297 align:center You know, not that you care, 01:28:01.298 --> 01:28:03.508 align:center because for you, it's all just, "Whatever happened to Gail?" 01:28:03.509 --> 01:28:05.134 align:center You know, "Gail, Gail, Gail." 01:28:05.135 --> 01:28:06.260 align:center Because not for nothing, 01:28:06.261 --> 01:28:08.679 align:center I've really been going through a lot of shit, you know? 01:28:08.680 --> 01:28:11.517 align:center Do you have any idea what it's like to have a blood clot in your leg? 01:28:12.101 --> 01:28:14.519 align:center It's a fucking nightmare, that's what it is. 01:28:14.520 --> 01:28:16.938 align:center And then my daughter, I don't want to even get into that shit. 01:28:16.939 --> 01:28:20.191 align:center She hasn't returned my phone calls in eight months. Eight months! 01:28:20.192 --> 01:28:23.486 align:center And then on top of that, there's this whole mishegoss with my roof. 01:28:23.487 --> 01:28:26.697 align:center The roofer, he said $600. Not a fucking penny more. 01:28:26.698 --> 01:28:28.407 align:center And he gave me a bill for double that. 01:28:28.408 --> 01:28:30.952 align:center This guy's a fucking criminal. He should be in jail. 01:28:30.953 --> 01:28:34.705 align:center Do not ever, ever hire Scott Lindhome to do anything in your house. 01:32:00.120 --> 01:32:02.289 align:center Gonna make you all sick. 01:32:04.333 --> 01:32:07.711 align:center I'mma make you all very sick. 01:32:10.213 --> 01:32:13.425 align:center Now get outta here before I change my mind and make you all real sick. 01:32:15.635 --> 01:32:16.719 align:center Enough questions. 01:32:16.720 --> 01:32:20.390 align:center Unless you want me to make you all very, very sick. 01:32:21.350 --> 01:32:22.975 align:center Nobody wants to get sick, right, fellas? 01:32:22.976 --> 01:32:24.101 align:center No, I definitely don't wanna get sick. 01:32:24.102 --> 01:32:25.228 align:center I just got over something. 01:32:26.438 --> 01:32:28.814 align:center Hey, I'm Scott Lindhome, Scott Lindhome Roofing. 01:32:28.815 --> 01:32:32.318 align:center Look, let me tell you, there are two sides to every story. 01:32:32.319 --> 01:32:35.029 align:center What our friendly neighborhood "mailman" forgets to mention 01:32:35.030 --> 01:32:38.240 align:center is the raccoon infestation living under his shingles. 01:32:38.241 --> 01:32:40.076 align:center God! What? Am I supposed to pay for that? 01:32:40.077 --> 01:32:41.369 align:center Are you out of your mind? 01:32:41.370 --> 01:32:44.747 align:center It's $600 for basic shingle replacement. 01:32:44.748 --> 01:32:47.875 align:center Look. See? "Surprises not included." 01:32:47.876 --> 01:32:52.046 align:center And by the way, $600 barely pays for the fucking nails. 01:32:52.047 --> 01:32:54.840 align:center You don't believe me? You head on down to Home Depot and check for yourself. 01:32:54.841 --> 01:32:56.384 align:center And don't tell me you don't got enough time. 01:32:56.385 --> 01:32:58.969 align:center 'Cause I know for a fact you have not had a job since April. 01:32:58.970 --> 01:33:00.971 align:center Maybe I did charge him double, but you know what? 01:33:00.972 --> 01:33:04.518 align:center His fucking roof is gonna be watertight for the next 20 years, okay? 01:33:05.018 --> 01:33:06.019 align:center End of story. 01:33:09.106 --> 01:33:11.565 align:center Jeez. What the shit? 01:33:15.070 --> 01:33:17.405 align:center Hey, Scott, it's Gail Daughtry. 01:33:17.406 --> 01:33:19.698 align:center I probably haven't seen you since my mom and dad's funeral. 01:33:19.699 --> 01:33:20.866 align:center Anyway, crazy story. 01:33:20.867 --> 01:33:22.660 align:center I'm actually up in a hot-air balloon right now, 01:33:22.661 --> 01:33:24.286 align:center and I can see the roof of my house. 01:33:24.287 --> 01:33:26.330 align:center It is looking like it might need some maintenance. 01:33:26.331 --> 01:33:28.249 align:center What do you think? Anyway, no rush. 01:33:28.250 --> 01:33:29.875 align:center Just call me when you can. 01:33:29.876 --> 01:33:32.045 align:center This is Gail Daughtry... and the Celebrity Sex Pass.