WEBVTT

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Rajni <i>ji,</i>

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was there really a girl in a swimming
costume with this spawn of bacteria?

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- Yes.
- Yes!

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I know.

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You know?

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Daddy!

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Miss Sarika.

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Sarika Sarikaskar Sarkaskar.

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What, what, what?

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Sarika Sarikaskar Sarkaskar.

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- What?
- No.

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I got the name.

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Did you, really?

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I have to join a class
to understand her name.

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Just say it again.

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Why do you need to join a class?

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It's so easy, Rambha.

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Sarika Sarikaskar Sarkaskar.

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Daddy, she was here.

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My Mikudi-Chikudi Never-Sikudi
called me to tell me

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that the girl came to repair the Jacuzzi.

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- Hello, madam.
- Hello.

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<i>I'm Sarika. Sarika Sarikaskar Sarkaskar.</i>

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Okay.

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Madam, there was some wiring problem
in the Jacuzzi. I have fixed that.

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Okay. Thank you. Thank you so much,
Sarika Sarikaskar Sarkaskar.

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Yes. Splash, splash.

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Then why did you say that there was a girl
in a swimming costume with Micky?

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When did I say that?

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- She's always lying. I…
- You said--

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- I never said "swimming costume."
- You did.

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- I only said "costume."
- You said costume.

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ABOUT TO REACH…

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You shouldn't have said that.

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- I even say your name correctly.
- Okay! "Costume."

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Oh, man. Wait a minute.

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I understood the problem.

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- Rajni aunty, listen to me.
- Yes.

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Science?

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How can anyone fail in science?

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By taking an exam.

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Is this a joke?

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If you keep scoring like this,
quit studying.

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Nice idea.

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I'll call Miss Manju.

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Don't touch the phone!
Don't you dare! I'll beat you up.

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I left it. Fine. I won't touch it. Okay?

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Netflixa, call Miss Manju.

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<i>Calling Miss Manju.</i>

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- You…
- Give it to him.

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- Hey… stop. Stop!
- Here.

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Duffer!

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Useless.

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Oversmart.

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Ass. Donkey.

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Yes. Ass. Donkey!

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Good-for-nothing!

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- Thank you, dear.
- Yes.

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What did he say?

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- Good-for-nothing.
- Good-for-nothing!

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- Dolittle.
- You dolittle…

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Is "dolittle" a bad word?

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It's PG13. You carry on.

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Stay there. Don't you move.

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I won't let you off the hook.
Just see what I do.

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Ruhaan <i>bhaiya,</i> Mom, Dad!

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Come here!

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I have something to say too!

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What is it?

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I can't understand.

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Which of these shoes should I eat?

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I'm starving.

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You'll eat shoes 'cause you're hungry?

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Yes. You said,

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"If you don't do your homework,
you'll eat my shoe."

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Did you forget? You're doomed
even if you obey her order.

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I don't want to live here.

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- Me too.
- I'm--

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Ruhaan, Vedant, we need to talk.

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- Hey--
- Hey, no. Bring it a notch lower.

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<i>- Do…</i>
<i>- Re…</i>

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It's time to face the music.

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Very nice.

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Okay.

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Yes, what is it, sir?

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Rajni aunty, this is Sarika.

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And this is her grey-colored costume.

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I mean, her uniform.

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Uniform.

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This is the same girl.

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What is it, sir? You said it was urgent.
Is the Jacuzzi down again?

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He is the one going down, bathed in blood.

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Kuku <i>bhaiya,</i> was this girl in the Jacuzzi
that day with this octopus?

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In a swimming costume?

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Jog your memory.

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Hey!

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Why don't you ask me, sir?

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It was me!

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I even stepped into the Jacuzzi.

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I fixed the LED light.
I changed the wiring.

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And then this uncle…

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- Hello, Uncle.
- Hi!

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And I even helped uncle
sit inside by holding his hand.

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Right, Uncle?

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Yes. She's a nice girl.

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"Yes. She's a nice girl."

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This was the same girl
who was wearing a swimming costume?

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If you say a word about the chutney jar,

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I won't let you watch songs
on YouTube for two weeks.

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Rajni aunty, why do you
keep threatening my Kuku uncle?

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She threatened me last night too.

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Even though she's now my Twitter wife.

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"Ex." Ex-wife.

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- Yes. It's now X, so she's my ex-wife. So?
- Yes.

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- You have no right to scold me.
- Yes.

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You've seen it too, Moolchand.

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Moolchand?

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You. Don't you remember your name?

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Mr. Moolchand Ghee Wala.

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- "Mr."?
- Hold on.

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Where do I fit in all this
in a swimming costume?

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Are you all blaming me?

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You sullied my reputation.

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Hey, no. It's not like that,
Sara Din Kasrat Karke.

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- Hey.
- Hey, what's her name?

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Hey, Friday.

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Why are you finding it
so difficult to say her name?

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Yes.

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It's so easy.

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Come on, say it with me. Come on.

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Sarika.

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Sarika.

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Sarikaskar Sarkaskar.

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Sarikaskas Sar--

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Not like that. No. Say it again.

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Sarika…

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Sarika…

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Uncle.

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We'll learn to say it later, Uncle.

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And listen,

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you know that Kuku uncle is a bit off.

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- So he thought--
- What did he think? What?

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This uncle is a bit off?

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She called you "uncle."

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- So my character is a bit off too?
- Daddy!

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Daddy.

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Do you think I'm that characterless?

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That I'd stop taking care of Kuku uncle

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and have some innocent service lady…

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I'll shoot myself.

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I'll shoot myself.

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- Oh, no!
- Mikudi!

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I'm going to shoot myself.

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Do one thing. Put up my photograph too.

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With Lingvin.

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What are you saying, Mikudi?

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How will we get the photo so soon?
Think about it, Mika-Chika.

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He's crying. No, Micky, no.

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Twinkle, please don't take
this gun from my hand.

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Amazing.

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Mika-Chika, give me the gun.

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Daddy!

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If you love shooting so much,

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then instead of my
Mika-Chika Dhinka-Chika,

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shoot me. Or I'll shoot myself.

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- No, dear. No, no, please.
- No.

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- Please. No, dear.
- Okay, not me.

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Shoot Dharmendra.

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- Hey!
- No, dear. No, please.

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Shoot Freddy.

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- No. Not me.
- What are you doing?

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No. I'll do one thing.

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I'll just fire six or seven rounds.

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Fate will decide who is to be shot.

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- No!
- No!

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- No!
- No!

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Don't fiddle with the gun, Quintal!

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Okay, Kuku uncle.

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Nariyal <i>ji.</i>

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- Not Nariyal, he's Nari. Nari.
- Yes.

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He's not <i>nari,</i> he's <i>nar!</i>

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You have glasses. Look.

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Loot at that. Over there…

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A man is coming with a guitar.
Let's shoot him.

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He's the memorial singer.

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- Okay.
- Actually, he's my friend. Just…

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- Shoot him.
- Hi!

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Okay, guys, so this is my college friend,
Ronit Roy Chaudhary.

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And he's our memorial singer also.

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Come. Freddy.

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<i>Ronit. Ronit. Hey, Ronit!</i>

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- Yes?
- Look behind you.

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That's the python

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whose memorial ceremony
we're all gathered here for.

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Yes.

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Why are you staring
at this hot cobra, huh?

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Just look at him.

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- It's as if he'll come out of the photo--
- Right.

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I know. I know it. You taught him to crawl
by holding his finger, right?

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Yes.

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Finger?

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He taught him by holding his tongue.

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Come on, dear Ronit.

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Now start the devotional songs.

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But, Uncle, I've brought… this.

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Yes. Right. Start singing the hymn.
Ting, ting, ting.

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Hey, where are Priyanka
and Adi? Call them.

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They both are at home.
They have two tiny Lingvins of their own.

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They're taking care of them.
Their classes.

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Okay.

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You can start.

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Sorry, the devotional songs.

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Ting, ting, ting.

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"There was an instant connection
between Ronit and Rajni."

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"On the other hand,
Priyanka and her son Ruhaan

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had a total disconnect."

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- I don't want to study at all.
- No!

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Son, tell me three reasons not to study.

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Physics, chemistry, mathematics.

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Other reason besides the subjects.

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Miss Patricia.

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- Patricia?
- She yells at me every time.

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What do you mean, "every time"?

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I mean, every time
when I talk in the classroom,

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she says,

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"Ruhaan, no talking in the classroom."

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And when I stay mum in the oral exam,

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she says,

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"Ruhaan, why are you
not talking in the classroom?"

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You tell me, wouldn't a cute,

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innocent, ordinary kid get confused?

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This oversmart troublemaker
needs some tough--

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If you beat me,

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I'll call the police.

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Really? Call.

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Call the police.

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I want to see how the police arrest me.

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I want to see that too.

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It'll be great fun.

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- Adi.
- Yes!

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Is she crying or laughing?

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Can you ever tell with Mummy?

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Son, what will you do in life
if you don't study?

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Singing!

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I'll be a big and famous rap singer.

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You need talent for that, son. Talent!

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Well, I'm brimming with that.

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Should I show you?

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Show me.

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Show me your talent.

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No. Not like that. Like this.

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- Start a beat. He's going to sing.
- Okay.

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Show me your talent.

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I'll show you.

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<i>Check, check, mike check</i>

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<i>Yo…</i>

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<i>When she enters the room</i>
<i>She wakes me up with a boom</i>

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<i>Everyone except me wakes up</i>

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<i>When Mummy yells</i>

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<i>Ruhaan! Vedant!</i>

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<i>Bathe and have breakfast</i>

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<i>Keep the books in your bag</i>

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<i>Ruhaan! Vedant!</i>

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<i>You'll miss the school bus</i>
<i>And Miss Manju will yell</i>

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<i>Why's this homework not done?</i>
<i>Such a bad essay</i>

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<i>You're not cut out for an IB school</i>
<i>You're useless and a fool</i>

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<i>Ruhaan! Vedant!</i>

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<i>You are a total dumbo</i>

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<i>You are a total failure</i>

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<i>Your future is very bleak</i>
<i>School is not for this weak</i>

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<i>You say this every day</i>

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<i>So why send me to school?</i>

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<i>I don't want to study</i>
<i>I wanna be a singer, buddy</i>

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<i>So, leave me alone</i>

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<i>Priyanka Khanna ji</i>

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<i>I wanna have a rap king title for me</i>

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<i>And yo!</i>

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Come on, clap.

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I did not expect that. Right?

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No. Because

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I have higher expectations
of Ruhaan than this.

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From tomorrow, no mobile.

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No social media.

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Extra tuitions.

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And you have to get a B
in every subject, minimum.

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Go to bed, and brush your teeth now!

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No! Wrong!

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You have to say, "Go to the <i>bathroom</i>
and brush your teeth."

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Who brushes on the bed?

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- She knows nothing!
- She knows nothing!

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Let's go.

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One day, Vedant will grow up too.

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He'll become a teenager.

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We are doomed!

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<i>Listen, this song is in your memory</i>

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Everybody.

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<i>- Lingvin</i>
<i>- Lingvin</i>

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Now in Lingvin's memory,
everyone will observe

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a minute's silence. Okay? Come on.

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I won't laugh.

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I challenge you to make me laugh.

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Okay, challenge accepted.

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Kuku uncle,

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during this one minute of silence,

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the senior-most person present here,

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that's you, will pay your respects
by sticking out your tongue.

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For one minute… you'll do this.

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Freddy will observe
if you're doing it right. Freddy?

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They're up to something.

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The silence starts now. Go.

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Look. Make it protrude a little more.

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Amazing.

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Hey!

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What?

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- He's crying.
- He is sad.

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He's crying.

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My Lingvin is gone.

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Nari uncle's Lingvin is gone.

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The memorial ends now.

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Now whiskey and soda.

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- Okay.
- There.

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Let me formally introduce
Ronit Roy Chaudhary.

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- Hi.
- Hi.

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And she's our Majeni aunty--

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Hey. Don't call her aunty.

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- Your name?
- My name is…

15:28.425 --> 15:29.305
Rajni Merchant.

15:30.305 --> 15:33.465
No, no, no. Rajni Desai.
I just got divorced.

15:34.825 --> 15:36.025
What a coincidence.

15:36.665 --> 15:38.505
You're single, I'm single.

15:39.745 --> 15:41.145
You also just got divorced?

15:42.065 --> 15:43.985
What? Oh, no.

15:44.065 --> 15:45.505
I haven't gotten married yet.

15:45.585 --> 15:46.465
Oh, wow.

15:49.345 --> 15:50.305
Why?

15:50.865 --> 15:53.145
Because I haven't found someone yet.

15:54.945 --> 15:56.625
Someone wearing a black sari,

15:56.705 --> 15:58.105
with open hair,

15:58.185 --> 15:59.665
lovely eyes,

15:59.745 --> 16:00.865
stunningly beautiful--

16:02.345 --> 16:03.185
Divorcée.

16:03.265 --> 16:05.305
Whose name is Rajni Desai.

16:07.705 --> 16:10.225
- Shall I get something for you?
- No. Just…

16:10.305 --> 16:13.545
- Champagne. Hey, move aside.
- Yes. Champagne.

16:38.745 --> 16:39.785
Cheers.

16:41.025 --> 16:43.305
Oh, my, this smile of yours--

16:43.385 --> 16:45.105
Just like <i>Mona Lisa.</i>

16:46.105 --> 16:48.305
Her painting is hanging in Ghatkopar.

16:49.345 --> 16:50.585
Gulshan aunty,

16:50.665 --> 16:52.465
the <i>Mona Lisa</i> painting is in Paris.

16:52.545 --> 16:55.745
Yes. The location where
the painting is hanging is a bit off.

16:59.625 --> 17:01.665
Will you go on a date with me?

17:02.945 --> 17:03.945
- Cheers.
- Cheers.

17:05.145 --> 17:07.065
Is my chili paneer here?

17:08.105 --> 17:10.184
Why did he come here now?

17:10.265 --> 17:12.585
- Hi, everyone!
- Hello.

17:12.665 --> 17:13.665
Yes.

17:14.585 --> 17:17.865
This is my ex-husband, Kuku Merchant.

17:17.944 --> 17:18.944
- And--
- Oh, hi.

17:19.025 --> 17:19.944
Hi!

17:20.985 --> 17:22.224
And this is my…

17:24.184 --> 17:26.944
I mean, Hutoxi's college friend.

17:27.025 --> 17:27.905
- Yes.
- Yeah.

17:28.785 --> 17:31.944
- Ronit.
- Ronit. Ronit. Ronit <i>ji.</i>

17:32.025 --> 17:35.145
One minute. Both of you just come… closer.

17:36.225 --> 17:37.065
Yes.

17:37.145 --> 17:38.185
A little…

17:40.065 --> 17:41.825
You look so nice standing together.

17:43.065 --> 17:44.025
Same.

17:44.105 --> 17:45.305
Mother, son.

17:50.345 --> 17:52.825
Ruhaan <i>bhaiya,</i> what are you writing?

17:53.905 --> 17:56.985
- Note.
- Which one? 100 rupees or 500 rupees?

17:58.265 --> 17:59.385
Not the currency note.

17:59.465 --> 18:02.665
I can see that. Then which one? Tell me.

18:03.465 --> 18:06.225
- Letter.
- No, not later. Tell me now.

18:06.305 --> 18:07.745
I mean, letter.

18:08.265 --> 18:10.825
As in, I'm writing a letter to Mummy.
A missive.

18:11.585 --> 18:12.425
"Missive"?

18:12.505 --> 18:13.345
What is missive?

18:13.425 --> 18:15.385
Missive is a prehistoric email.

18:15.465 --> 18:19.865
Long time ago, people used to email
each other through pen and paper.

18:20.505 --> 18:22.825
You mean, if you put it into the laptop,

18:22.905 --> 18:25.145
this will straight away
come out of Mummy's mobile?

18:25.705 --> 18:27.065
No.

18:27.145 --> 18:28.985
Now, listen to me carefully, Vedant.

18:29.985 --> 18:31.825
You will give this to Mummy.

18:32.385 --> 18:34.465
Okay? Give it to her when I'm gone.

18:34.545 --> 18:36.305
Where are you going?

18:36.945 --> 18:39.385
Mumma wants to force me to study.

18:39.945 --> 18:41.505
But I want to become a singer.

18:42.505 --> 18:43.945
That's why I'm leaving the house.

18:45.665 --> 18:47.065
Now do as I say.

18:48.225 --> 18:51.145
He's our son.
Don't pressurize him too much.

18:51.225 --> 18:52.865
Not too much, I'll hit him a little.

18:52.945 --> 18:54.025
But I'll hit him for sure.

18:54.105 --> 18:55.305
Finally you guys are here.

18:55.385 --> 18:56.585
Paneer shashlik?

18:56.665 --> 18:57.985
- No, thanks.
- Chicken shots.

18:58.065 --> 18:59.505
- Oh, sure.
- Sure.

18:59.585 --> 19:01.025
- Yes.
- Thank you.

19:01.105 --> 19:02.345
All okay with the kids?

19:02.425 --> 19:03.585
Yeah. All okay.

19:03.665 --> 19:06.225
- Good.
- Ruhaan just threw a tantrum out of anger.

19:06.305 --> 19:07.625
He called Priyanka Hitler.

19:07.705 --> 19:11.625
Priyanka broke a glass in anger.
That glass struck the maid's leg.

19:11.705 --> 19:13.505
And the entire house got bloody.

19:13.585 --> 19:16.705
Yes. Then Priyanka
took off her slipper and hit Ruhaan.

19:16.785 --> 19:19.625
That slipper hit the wall clock.
The clock fell on the maid's head.

19:19.705 --> 19:22.665
- Oh, my God.
- I told her to apply some ice on her head.

19:22.745 --> 19:24.905
She opened the fridge door
and got an electric shock

19:24.985 --> 19:26.185
throughout her body.

19:26.265 --> 19:27.345
Then she was gone.

19:28.705 --> 19:29.545
She died?

19:29.625 --> 19:31.945
No. She quit her job
and went to her village.

19:32.545 --> 19:33.545
- Okay.
- Rest is fine.

19:35.265 --> 19:36.585
Hey, Vedant, stop!

19:36.665 --> 19:37.745
What are you doing?

19:37.825 --> 19:39.785
Hey, why did you take the water bottle?

19:40.465 --> 19:43.305
You give this
old-fashioned email to Mumma now.

19:43.385 --> 19:45.705
And add my name in it too.

19:45.785 --> 19:47.585
Because now I'm running off with you too.

19:47.665 --> 19:49.065
- Let's go.
- What?

19:49.985 --> 19:50.825
What?

19:50.905 --> 19:52.465
Vedant, what are you saying?

19:52.545 --> 19:53.945
What are you saying?

19:54.025 --> 19:55.545
Hey, where are you going?

19:55.625 --> 19:57.145
You become a singer.

19:57.225 --> 19:58.905
I'll become a hero in the movies.

19:58.985 --> 20:00.505
Hero in what movies?

20:00.585 --> 20:02.065
You'll have to audition for that.

20:02.145 --> 20:03.785
Hey, I know audition.

20:04.825 --> 20:06.985
Two plus three is equal to five. Audition.

20:07.065 --> 20:07.905
Oh, man!

20:07.985 --> 20:09.065
Oh, my mobile phone.

20:10.705 --> 20:12.505
Hey, that's called addition.

20:12.585 --> 20:14.745
You have to show
your acting skills in an audition.

20:14.825 --> 20:17.025
Vedant. Sit down.

20:20.425 --> 20:22.585
I'm not going to become singer directly.

20:23.505 --> 20:24.905
Then what will you do?

20:27.065 --> 20:27.945
Okay, listen.

20:28.025 --> 20:29.305
- Okay, okay, okay.
- Yes.

20:30.305 --> 20:31.745
We're all best friends here.

20:32.785 --> 20:34.065
So, let's play a game.

20:34.145 --> 20:34.985
Confessions.

20:35.065 --> 20:37.345
You have to tell us a secret of yours

20:37.425 --> 20:39.985
that you haven't told
anybody till this day.

20:40.065 --> 20:41.025
Damn.

20:41.105 --> 20:42.865
Come on. Who's going first?

20:42.945 --> 20:44.865
No. Nobody is going to the toilet.

20:44.945 --> 20:46.065
We'll play the game first.

20:46.985 --> 20:49.705
- We're talking about the game, not toilet.
- Adi…

20:49.785 --> 20:50.825
Who's going first?

20:50.905 --> 20:53.065
I'll go first!

20:53.825 --> 20:55.065
- Hey.
- Hey.

20:56.065 --> 20:56.985
I wanna go first.

20:57.065 --> 20:58.505
- Make uncle sit.
- What?

20:58.585 --> 21:00.105
- Make him sit. You see?
- Sit.

21:00.185 --> 21:02.345
- Sit down.
- See what happens when he's left alone.

21:02.425 --> 21:03.905
Are you okay, Uncle?

21:03.985 --> 21:05.825
I'm okay. I'm not drunk.

21:05.905 --> 21:08.825
I just drank a glass, with six refills.

21:08.905 --> 21:11.745
- There you go.
- Wait a minute. Wait. Hello.

21:12.505 --> 21:13.905
- How much is this?
- Four.

21:15.785 --> 21:16.625
How much is this?

21:17.185 --> 21:18.705
- Seven.
- You see?

21:19.865 --> 21:21.385
If I were drunk,

21:21.465 --> 21:23.785
could you have answered that correctly?

21:24.865 --> 21:27.065
Okay, now confession.

21:27.145 --> 21:28.705
Come here, Jal-jeera.

21:29.625 --> 21:30.625
Go, Rajni.

21:32.425 --> 21:33.865
Before we got married,

21:33.945 --> 21:35.625
I had kept

21:35.705 --> 21:38.705
a big secret from you.

21:39.985 --> 21:41.345
What was the secret?

24:20.105 --> 24:25.105
Subtitle translation by: Sanjay Malhotra