In the back of the ambulance, I thought about you, Valerio.
I could have thought about anyone, but only you came to mind.
I thought of how guilty I felt for everything I did to you.
Maria?
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Coming through. Excuse me!
-Excuse me! -I always made decisions for you.
I always made you feel small and inept.
Taxi! Taxi!
But you adored me anyway. You always did what I asked you to.
Remember when I said,
"Let's see if you can put a condom over your head"?
You did it.
At 14, you were an altar boy. You wanted to enter seminary.
I told you that before you decided to go,
you had to come on a vacation with me at least once.
That summer, I took you on vacation to Riccione with my friends.
We slept in a car for four days,
and at night, we went dancing till five in the morning, remember?
We ate bread and tuna and popped a few pills.
And when you got home, you were a shadow of yourself.
And you never entered seminary.
That's when your life took a turn.
Eventually, I gave you one final blow
when I abandoned you and moved away to Rome.
And they told me you cried… all day long.
I wanted to fix your life, but I ruined it instead.
I'm sorry, Valerio.
You have to pick up a client.
He's landing in Fiumicino.
Fausto, my test results are coming in tomorrow.
Who gives a fuck?
He's a regular client. That's 400 euros. Go.
I'm going. Then I'll come back with some food, all right?
Huh?
Valerio, we're going to bed.
Yeah. I know it's late. Leave my dinner in the fridge.
Okay? I'll be home soon.
I'm in Fiumicino, dropping off two Americans
that have been keeping me for ten hours.
The entire van stinks like vodka.
Hold on, Mom. I gotta go now.
"Thanks for your service. We left you a gift and a problem."
"A gift"?
What do they mean, "a gift"?
Whoa.
Whoa! Oh.
Holy shit.
Holy shit. Holy fuckin' shit.
♪ Forthright, in my opinion… ♪
STORY OF MY FAMILY
Okay.
Maybe these fit you. They seem a bit wider.
-Aren't you handsome? -Yeah?
What did I tell you about buttons? You leave these two undone.
Otherwise, you look like a dick.
-Do I? Then I'll unbutton three. -Mm-hmm.
Do you need underwear?
No, I can't wear underwear Fausto used. It's weird.
These are nice and loose. Your package would look good.
Maria, put the underwear away, please.
What? You embarrassed to say "package"?
-Am I? -Mm-hmm.
-No. -Yeah? Say it, then.
Package.
On three.
And a-one and a-two and a-three.
Well, try it on, at least.
-What's the matter? -What?
A monkey?
What?
No, I haven't seen Demetrio for a long time.
-We haven't spoken. -What?
-In days. Shh. Shut up. -I'm right here.
-I'll call him. I'll tell him right now. -I'm here.
-Don't worry, okay? Bye. -Hello?
-An emergency. -About?
I'm not sure. He sounded nervous.
Maria, why didn't you tell him you were with me?
Look, I'll tell you what. I'll go first, and then,
in, say, 20 minutes, you leave too, so we get there separately.
Hmm. Why, though?
They'll get weird ideas.
Weird ideas? Maria, they'll just…
They'll think we're dating, which is the truth, isn't it?
Are you out of your mind? I want them out of our business.
Uh… uh…
-Okay. I'm going. -Mm-hmm.
Make it quick, but not too quick.
Package.
Bye. I'm leaving.
Where are you going?
-Out. I'll be back tonight. -Yeah? What for?
I'm meeting someone. Bye.
You gonna say anything?
He said he has a girlfriend. I didn't have the heart to tell him no.
What are you talking about, Mom? Maria, say something to her.
About what?
Libero went out on his own because, apparently, he has a girlfriend.
Honestly, Lucia, I also don't think it's a good idea.
Come here, guys. You won't believe this.
The monkey's eating the lollipop now. I've never seen anything like it. Bravo.
-She loves it! -Please, God, help me.
-You gotta see this. -It's against the law to keep this monkey.
Oh really, Val? And are you surprised?
God, she's so cute. She's a little girl.
Hi, sweetheart. Hi.
Here it is. I found it. I knew it. She's a capuchin. Look, Valerio.
See? It's just like her.
-No, Demetrio, please. -I mean it. They're identical.
Don't get attached. We have to figure out what to do with it.
-Mamma mia. -Exactly.
We should call someone to pick her up.
-Why'd you bring her? -I couldn't just leave her in the car.
Please, Grandma, can she sleep here with us?
Just for one day. She'll leave tomorrow. Please.
Please. Pretty please, pretty please, pretty please.
Please!
I'm afraid this isn't our problem.
No, sisters, it is your problem because that's where your bidet is.
Certainly, that's true.
But, technically, it's not our apartment. It's the Vatican's.
I get that it's the Vatican's--
So he will have to solve this problem for us.
I'm sorry.
But when you say "he," who are you talking about?
His holiness, of course.
Good morning.
He didn't tell you I was coming, right?
Yes, he told me.
-No, he didn't tell you. -Come in.
Honey, I'm home.
Just so you know, getting the paperwork together
and actually being approved for this money is a process that could take weeks.
-No, You can't mean that. -Fausto?
-Many weeks, yes. -Fausto? Fausto.
Hey, Val.
-What is this, Medjugorje? -No, Val, the Vatican.
Sisters, meet Valerio, my brother, who, by the way, knows about plumbing.
-Valerio, since you know about plumbing… -Yeah?
Yeah.
Can you take a look at that stain?
-Uh… -Yeah.
Just following your nose, since you're the expert, what's that cost?
-Well, you gotta open the wall. -Yeah, obviously.
-You have to put in new pipes. -Yeah?
Add the cost of labor.
It'd be, what? A thousand, maybe 1,500?
No, sisters, you have to help. Fifteen hundred? Let's make a deal.
-We can pay for half that. -Yeah, but the rest?
Then we'll get the paperwork done and give you the rest.
Off the books?
Off the books.
Listen, Sarah, if we don't do something about this fast,
the living room will flood, and we'll have to swim to the kitchen.
It's not fair that we have to pay for it. We can't afford it!
She said the pope would pay us back.
-Why didn't you tell me he was coming? -Do I have to tell you everything?
I don't want him in the house.
-Keep it down. He can hear you. -I don't give a fuck if he does!
-Shh. -What?
-You hear that? -I don't hear anything.
Exactly.
It's a miracle.
Shh. He's sleeping now.
Shh.
Get this. Two months ago,
the owner went scuba diving right after having lunch, and he died.
-He died? -He died.
-It's like Mom always said. -Yeah.
This place smells like paint.
-Oh man. -I sleep here whenever I fight with Sarah.
So, you know. It works out as long as I don't sell it.
-Does it have a bathroom? -Down to the left.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
-I can't hold it. -Go on.
-You're watching? -Just piss. What do you care?
No, Fausto. I can't do it with you watching me.
Thanks.
Things with Sarah are not good.
It's going to shit.
She's always on edge. All the fuckin'…
But she won't say what's wrong. She won't talk to me.
Then she'll chew me up over the smallest fucking thing.
If things are going well, we might make love once a month.
-Fausto, leave her. -Leave her?
Val, what the fuck are you talking about?
We're just going through a rough patch. We've got kids.
How could I leave her? How could I do that?
Fausto, all we had growing up was Mom.
We're still alive.
-It's not complicated. It's simple. -It's not simple in this case.
It's what you've always said, Fausto. Even with me.
Remember Rossella, the girl I dated for a year?
When we broke up, you said, "Don't whine. Six hours of sadness."
"That's all you're allowed to have."
Rossella.
-Rossella… -Yeah. Rossella.
Valerio, I've been married for five years. I have two kids.
Why the fuck are you comparing that to Rossella?
Why the fuck are you even mentioning Rossella? Why?
Okay, if you won't leave her, take her out to dinner
and make it up to her.
-I'll watch the kids for you. -She won't leave the kids.
She's convinced that something's wrong with Ercole.
-Why? What's wrong with Ercole? -Nothing, Valerio.
Nothing at all. Absolutely nothing.
Even the pediatrician told us every child is different,
but she's fixated…
He doesn't look her in the eye or call her "Mommy" or…
She's convinced her son hates her.
Fausto, is Sara really that bad?
Val, to tell you the truth, Sarah never wanted… the second child.
That's the problem.
When Ercole was born, she turned into a different person.
If she had her way…
he wouldn't even be here right now.
Hey, man.
It must be the paint that's burning your eyes.
You can come in.
-Hey. Everything all right? -Yeah.
-So, what's her name? -Who?
Your girlfriend. The one you had a date with.
Uh… Chloè.
But what happened to Serena, the girl who came to see you in Rome?
She lives far away. I don't believe in long-distance relationships.
I'm going. Bye, Libero.
Hold on a second. Wait.
Maria. Maria, wait. We can leave together.
Are you stupid? They're gonna hear you.
Listen, guys. I think I can stay for another half hour or so.
But then I really need to go because I have to run errands.
-Good morning. -Good morning.
I'm Sister Adele. Remember me?
-Uh… -You are Fausto's brother.
Uh, that's right. The thing about the wall, right?
How is Fausto? We still haven't seen him.
Fausto…
For the last two months, we've been out on mission.
We got back yesterday from the Philippines.
Um, Fausto… I'm afraid he…
No, no.
We were so fond of him and his wonderful children.
He was always so kind to us.
He brought us mozzarella from his hometown.
He even fixed our TV antenna once.
Well, we still live in the place upstairs.
I'd be very happy if you could come to see us.
Yeah, sure.
I'll see if I can manage it.
I hope you can. Have a nice day.
Have a nice day.
Have a good day.
Wow. We found a parking spot. It's a fucking miracle.
What's funny?
Oh, I don't know. I'm laughing for no reason.
Well, who says you need a reason?
Who would have thought there'd be a day when I'd be laughing for no reason?
Me, Demetrio. And I've been waiting for it for a long time.
Almost as long as I've been waiting for this woman to back out.
It's not true that there's no reason. There is one. It's called… Maria.
Even if I make you do crazy stuff for no one to find out?
Even then.
Hey, what the fuck? That guy's stealing my spot.
Now, you get out and say something to him.
Maria, we'll find another spot. No big deal. Who cares?
No way am I giving that up. Go.
I don't wanna go.
You see? This passivity, Demetrio, really pisses me off about you.
Hey. Hey!
Dude. Are you kidding me? I found this spot first.
Lady, take it easy. Calm down.
I am calm. And if you don't leave, I'll slash your tires.
You Southerners are nuts.
Come on, leave.
Idiot!
See? How hard was that?
You know, I'm not like Fausto.
-What do you mean? -I prefer boxers.
Demetrio, what are you talking about?
I'm gonna go.
What about shopping?
I don't feel like it anymore.
Stay there.
-Ercole? -Yeah?
-Ercole. -What?
She doesn't want it. She doesn't trust me. She trusts everyone else but me.
You're the one who doesn't trust her.
-Uncle. -Yeah?
Do you remember that movie about a dog who gets adopted by a family?
-No. -I watched it with my dad so many times.
He would always cry.
Because in the end, you find out the dog was the dad all along.
How's that?
-The dad died… -Mm-hmm?
And then he came back as a dog.
Ercole, look, I don't know the first thing about movies.
I'm not following.
Well, I mean, maybe the monkey is Dad.
The… the monkey is your dad?
That sounds kinda weird.
Yeah, but still… it's like she knows us already.
Ercole, anything's possible, sure.
But if your dad really wanted to come back,
he would've come back as a dog or a cat or…
Who knows? Or maybe a parrot, even.
That way, he could stay at home.
But why?
He doesn't want to stay here.
He's just stopping by.
Maybe he just forgot to tell us something important.
I don't trust Val alone with the kids.
-Why not? -Tell me I'm wrong.
Name one person in your whole family that does trust him.
-He's a cokehead. -No, he's not a cokehead.
Someone who does blow occasionally is not a cokehead.
It's all so easy for you.
You're such a downer. You're a real downer, Sarah.
You should try laughing a little.
Well, going out was a shitty idea. Turn the car around.
No, no, Sarah. Let's go to the restaurant.
If we don't have anything to fucking say to each other, we'll just shut up.
Let's just try it, all right?
Here's your Greco di Tufo.
Thank you.
Why him first?
My apologies.
I usually pour for the husbands because they're the ones who know wine.
-We're not married. -No?
He's keeping me company.
I paid him to be here.
Fausto swings both ways if you're interested.
Hmm?
Enjoy the rest of your evening.
No, don't leave. Where you going? You're cute.
♪ Breakin' rocks in the hot sun ♪
♪ I fought the law, and the law won ♪
♪ I needed money 'cause I had none ♪
♪ I fought the law And the law won ♪
♪ I fought the law, and the law won ♪
♪ I left my baby, and it feels so bad ♪
♪ Guess my race is run ♪
♪ She's the best girl that I ever had ♪
♪ I fought the law, and the law won ♪
She likes all the same songs Dad played for us.
♪ I fought the law, and the law won ♪
♪ I fought the law And the law won ♪
♪ I fought the law, and the law won ♪
♪ I fought the law ♪
When he found out he was sick,
he started visiting us every Wednesday after taking the kids to school.
He liked staying here with us.
Sometimes he'd just sit down, and he'd read the scripture.
And what did he read?
-The Gospel. -Fausto?
His favorite one was the Gospel of Mark.
He said that Mark was a man who understood a lot of things,
even without much school.
"Just like me," he used to say.
And you? Are you all right?
Well, uh…
Um, I'm fine, thanks.
Your brother told me that you, uh… that you had some problems.
What kind of problems?
Uh, problems with drugs.
He was always worried about you. He said he felt guilty.
He said he had interfered with your destiny.
I have a question, Sister.
It's about… reincarnation.
Do you think it happens?
Saint Augustine once wrote,
"Tell me, Lord."
"Tell me if my childhood followed another age of mine
that passed away before it."
"And perhaps, during that age,
I was in some other place, or even, another body."
Look.
We have a problem.
What's the matter?
Valerio stole the money we keep in the microwave.
Huh?
-What money? -The savings we hide in the microwave.
You keep money in the microwave?
How the fuck should I know? We keep money there?
-Yeah. -Ah. Uh…
-Guess so. -Valerio took it.
-I didn't take it. -I know it was you!
-I already told you no! -Guys, take it easy, all right?
-Take it easy. -Fucking liar.
Val, did you take it or not?
Fausto, no. I swear to you.
All right. Sorry.
Sarah.
Sarah. Stop, Sarah.
Sarah, will you stop?
Fuck off.
Sarah.
Sarah, you must have put it somewhere and just forgot it.
Don't go through Valerio's stuff.
Then you do it.
You don't have the balls.
It's all your fault.
-It's all your fault. -Of course it's my fault.
I didn't want him here,
but it's too much to ask of you to just be with us.
You have to see Valerio and then Maria and then Demetrio.
They live clinging onto you. Then you go to work.
And where the fuck are you all day? Where?!
You protect everyone but me.
All right.
Sarah, let's just be honest. You hate me.
But worse than that, you hate your own kids.
Fuck!
Fausto! Fausto! Fausto!
-Crazy bitch. -Come on.
You need your head checked, you psychopath!
Put your hands on me like that again. We'll see what happens!
-Fucking psycho! -Fausto!
God damn it!
Go fuck yourself!
-Whoa. Hey. -Valerio.
-Valerio, open up. -Yeah, yeah. I'm coming, I'm coming.
-Hey. -She scratched my arm.
-Who did? -Who? The monkey.
I got close, and she scratched me.
-I'm sure she didn't do it on purpose. -Yeah.
But I'm scared.
Do I need a tetanus shot? A rabies shot? What do you think?
Let me see.
Mom, it's nothing.
Because it's a superficial scratch. That's enough to get infected.
We need to find someone to give me a shot. Let's go to the emergency room.
-Emergency? -Yeah.
We'll tell them you got scratched by our illegal monkey.
-That's a great idea! -What do we do?
I don't have a clue.
Ow, ow, ow.
No, no, it's nothing, Lucia. I don't think we need to worry.
-You sure? -You're okay. Yes, yes. I'm sure.
Thanks, Sergio. I gave you a good scare, huh?
No. Not at all.
-I'm actually glad you called me. -Mm.
What do you want?
Val, you always have this look of superiority on your face.
I can hardly stand it.
Mom, I didn't say a word.
Sure, you never say a word, but it's crystal clear
what you're thinking right now.
Ah. That's your guilty conscience talking.
Guilty about what? Huh?
Maybe that this was all just an act to get Sergio to come over?
Valerio, stop guilt-tripping me.
-The guilt-tripper here is me? -Yes.
You guilt-trip me for everything I do.
I'm wrong if I fight with Libero. I'm wrong if I try to set down rules.
I'm wrong if I'm aggressive. I'm wrong with that bitch on the phone!
Shut up! Lower your voice, or you'll wake the kids.
What did I ever do to deserve being treated like this?
Well, it's your own fault, Mom.
It's what you get for only thinking about yourself.
Maybe you're overreacting a little bit?
That's so you.
You need to have some poor sap
by your side to defend you, or you're miserable!
Good night.
I'm sorry, Sergio. Really, I'm… It's just, my son doesn't…
He doesn't know how to behave.
No, no, no, no, no.
You don't ever have to apologize to me. Never ever.
Although, can I just say just one little thing?
-Hmm? -Yeah.
Being at war is wearing you both down.
You need a nice… Congress of Vienna.
You need peace. An armistice.
Metternich.
Go on, then.
-I'll go. -No, no.
-Stay here, Sergio. Please kiss me. -Where am I going?
Ah, right. Right.
I didn't really expect this… to happen this way.
Ah, if I'd waited for you…
Hi, Maria.
-Hi. -Did something happen?
No. Why do you assume something has to be wrong? No.
I just… I wanted to bring you this.
For me?
They're boxers. I think they'll fit.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
-What is that? -What is what?
You have something there. Here.
What is it?
Bye.
Bye, little girl.
Well, I hope they put you in a wonderful zoo. Hmm?
Somewhere with a nice banana tree
and lots of beautiful apes all to yourself.
Actually, maybe they should keep it to one ape.
Otherwise, my son will think you're a whore.
I'm in a hurry. Let's get this thing done.
No, wait. Hold on.
Valerio, shall we have ourselves a Congress of Vienna?
-Huh? -Um, an armistice.
-I don't understand, Mom. -Make peace, Valerio.
Hmm?
What the hell. Let's make peace, then.
This way.
Come on, let's go. Look who's over here.
Ercole?
I'm about to leave with the monkey. You wanna say bye to her?
No, I don't want to.
I'm gonna cry. I don't want her to see me cry.
Take her away, Uncle.
All right.
Ercole. Oh.
What's wrong? Come on, turn around.
-No. -Why are you so upset?
Because I miss Dad.
-You wanna come with me? -To do what?
Want to come or not?
I can't keep walking anymore.
Come on. We're almost there.
-Where'd you meet this girlfriend anyway? -Enough with the questions. Come on.
Are we there yet?
Come to me, my love.
Go on.
-Mom! -Come here, honey!
I missed you so much, sweetheart.
Hey. Don't tell anyone about this, okay?
That fucking money in the microwave.
I don't know what got into me. I didn't mean to do that to Sarah.
Val?
Yeah?
Was it you?
No.
Swear it on Mom?
I swear, Fausto.
Well, good night, then.
Good night.
Is that you?
Everything that happened that night was my fault, Fausto.
I took the money from the microwave.
I needed it.
A guy was waiting outside my place for me every day.
I was in debt, and I was scared, Fausto. What could I do?
And then, when Sarah found out, you had this huge fight.
And everything that happened after that was because of my lie.
Ercole's accident, and then… and then your separation.
I'm begging you here, Fausto. Have mercy. Say one thing!
Give me one sign that you forgive me. I don't know. Free me of this shit.
Do something. Make a sound. Why the fuck else did you come back?
Then fuck you.
Marco. Come here.
Hey! Excuse me.
What are you doing?
Uh… I found her on the road. I'll just leave her here.
-You found her? -Yeah, they left her on Appian Way.
Poor thing. I'll leave her with you.
What are you talking about? You can't.
What do you mean, I can't? I don't want anything to do with her.
-Do whatever you want. Uh, goodbye. -No--
Bye.
-What? -Financial Guard.
-Did you leave a monkey at the circus? -No.
No?
And this isn't yours?
Hmm?
Fausto, please come home. Hurry!
Ercole hurt himself.
-What's goin' on? -I don't know.
Sarah, what the fuck's happened?
All right, I'm coming. Stay where you are. Okay? Don't move. I'll be there. Bye-bye.
Sarah? Sarah? Sarah.
Where is he?
He's not bleeding anymore. He wants milk.
Sarah, what happened?
-I don't know. I don't remember. -Sarah, you need to tell me what happened!
I don't know.
-Give me that. -I don't know.
Ercole, wake up. Don't go to sleep. Stay awake.
Who hurt you? Open your eyes, buddy.
Ercole?
We need an ambulance. What are you doing?
I'm leaving.
It's my fault.
No, no, no. Sarah.
Sarah. Don't worry, Sarah. Everything's gonna be all right.
Look at me. We'll figure it out.
We'll figure it all out. I'll call an ambulance.
Don't worry. Hey. Don't worry.
Hello? Uh, I need an ambulance for my son.
He… he cut his head.
He's two years old. Please send it quickly.
Via Cesare Baronio, 27.
No. No, he… he didn't throw up.
Yes, he's breathing. Of course he's breathing.
Look, I don't know. I wasn't at home, and my wife can't remember.
She found him… Yes, in his sleep. In his sleep.
I told you, I was out, and my wife can't remember.
Just send an ambulance, please!
I'll keep him awake, all right.
I won't move him. I won't.
Okay. All right, thank you. Thank you. t remember.