No clouds in my stones
Let it rain I hydroplane in the bank
Comin' down like the Dow Jones...
We fly higher than weather
In G5s or better
You know me
In anticipation for precipitation
Stack chips for the rainy day
Jay, Rain Man is back
With Little Ms. Sunshine
Rihanna, where you at?
You have my heart
And we'll never be worlds apart
Maybe in magazines
But you'll still be my star
Baby, 'cause in the dark
You can't see shiny cars
And that's when you need me there
No! Aw.
I thought you fixed it! Ugh.
Zoe. Mmm?
Come on. Sorry. Here.
Oh, come on, Captain America, we're in a war zone.
Just live a little.
It's not like anyone's gonna come anyway.
Oh, shit, shit, shit! Shh!
Shit! Shit!
Aw, fuck.
Hey, Ramirez.
I see you are filling out that blouse quite nicely.
Ew.
God, you are such a mouth-breather.
Hey, Charles!
Lookin' as pretty as ever.
Mmm-mmm.
What do you want, Lewis?
Oh, um, Sergeant Shepherd's on his way.
For real? Yep.
Cool, okay. Fuck off, Lewis.
Geez! I was just trying to help.
Fuck off!
Can I call you? Call me? No!
Ugh! All right.
No, no, wait, wait, let me just finish the song,
I just... I can fix it.
Zoe. I can fix it, I can fix it, I can fix it.
Just let me just do this, and I think, if I just hold this like this...
I got it, I got it, I got it. Ready?
I'll always share
Because...
When the sun shine We shine together
You believe Ventura got medevacked out of here
for that tiny little fuckin' scratch?
She almost got blown up.
I just hope that everything is okay with her...
You know.
Her internal organs? No, her tits.
She's got great tits.
So she might have PTSD and need therapy, but at least her tits are all right.
Yeah. They're important.
Can you promise me something?
Can you promise me we won't get, like, fucked up?
That's too easy.
Taliban can't touch this. Come on.
No, I mean, like, in the head.
You already fucked up in the head, so what does that matter?
Merit, I'm serious!
What are you saying?
I'm saying that if you ever catch me
in some sort of, like, dopey-ass, PTSD group therapy bullshit,
or any kind of therapy,
you have permission to fucking kill me.
So, we're all here?
Good. Who wants to start?
James.
Uh...
James. Sergeant, Marine Corps.
2004, Al-Anbar province in Iraq.
Um, our job was to go look for IEDs, find the guys putting 'em out there.
Cool story, bro. Shh!
Merit?
- Everything okay? - Mmm...
Mm-hmm. Yes, sir.
Go on, James.
The, uh, negative, unhelpful feelings
that I'm trying to process from that day are, um... Um...
Oh, my God. James, okay, okay.
Aren't we better than this,
than this woe-is-me shit?
Didn't we join the most powerful military of all time,
did we survive the dumbest wars of all time,
just to sit here broken and all kumbaya
and "Oh, ouchie, my feelings"?
No! Fuck!
Get it together! God!
Ugh. Let's get out of here. Be quiet.
I'm listening. Merit?
I'm sorry.
I'm so... I'm so...
I'm sorry, James.
Look, sorry, James. Go on.
Good work.
I can't sign that.
I was here.
Yeah, you were here, physically.
But you didn't share.
You didn't give your attention to the others.
We all have pasts.
You think you're the only one
who doesn't want to talk about it, Merit?
Fuck anybody else
They don't know
What we been through
Fuck anybody else
They don't know
What the world did to you
Fuck what they say
They really got nothing Good to say anyway
Anytime, anyplace
Fuck every one of them
They ain't none of our friends
All we need is this
Two of us and a full clip
No, they don't want beef
They don't want nails, teeth
They don't want knuckles, no
They don't wanna bleed
But I come for blood
'Cause I fuckin' love you, yeah
Yeah, I'm crazy
Crazy enough to say
I'm crazy enough to swear I'll die for you, yeah
They don't know shit
Don't know who they're fuckin' with
It's the power couple, ah
Honey, you're home!
It's 8:00 a.m.
Do you know why people hate runners?
Flat stomachs? Sculpted legs?
It's selfish. It's a selfish sport.
What the hell am I supposed to do while you're gone?
You could work on our puzzle.
Man. That VA counselor guy, what a dick.
Mmm!
I just had a genius idea.
We watch M*A*S*H again, but it's a drinking game.
Shit! That is not a no.
Ugh. Why does she always FaceTime? It's so creepy.
Hi, Mom.
Is talking to your mother really that dreadful?
No, Mom, it's...
How's China?
I'm in Hong Kong, honey.
- There's a difference. - Is there?
I mean, they had some limited autonomy then.
So, how's the warehouse job?
How's your life, boyfriend?
Any friends?
Mom, please. Stop.
I'm sure you called because you need something.
I'm your mother, I'm allowed to ask about your life.
Okay, so what did you call about? I need something.
- I knew it. - I knew it!
It's your Grandpa Dale. They found him wandering.
What do you mean, wandering?
Kwan found him way out at her place.
She took him to the hospital.
Okay, so he's okay, then. No, he's not...
I just told you that your grandpa was in the hospital.
What is the matter with you? Okay, Mom, I...
Sorry.
I gotta go. No, no, no... No.
I need you to go out there,
I need you to go out to the lake and check in on your grandpa,
make sure he's all right.
It smells like crayon.
Merit? I can't. I, um...
I just started a new group.
Oh. At the VA.
Like therapy, counseling?
Mmm-hmm. Did something happen?
No, I...
I chose to.
It's good, it's, it's...
I think it's really gonna help me,
but I-I can't miss any sessions, or...
That's wonderful news, it really is.
I will figure something out for Grandpa.
I'm really proud of you, Merit, I really am.
I know your dad would be, too.
Okay, Mom, I gotta go, I love you.
I love you...
Did you hear back yet?
No.
I'm probably not even gonna get in. Come on.
Merit, look, I think college is stupid and mostly useless,
but you, you can do anything you want.
So if you want it, you're gonna get it.
You're the smartest person I know.
Nine-sixteenths.
Let's see, what could you major in?
Oh, '90s hip-hop, you're good at that.
Lumber sciences, is that a thing? Yeah.
Maybe, yeah.
You know, 'cause your family owns a Christmas tree farm?
Just thinkin' of the family biz. Mmm-hmm.
You could run that shit like Santa.
What about you after this?
I don't know.
You know you could do something epic.
Mm-hmm.
Okay. Sure.
All right, I thought, for today,
we would try something different.
Follow the bouncing ball.
This is stupid, but I'll-I'll play ball.
Hi. My name is Assia.
I was a captain in the army.
Um...
I was the only female in every unit I served in.
On my first deployment,
I was not allowed to stay with my team
where they were sleeping, and, um, it was only because I was a female.
And so, every day, for our targeting mission,
I had to drive by myself for six hours.
One direction, six hours, back.
Um...
And I'm here
because I'm trying to belong to myself again.
Try Merit.
You ready?
My name is Merit.
I was... army.
You're doing great.
All right. Why don't we start with an easy one?
Why did you join?
I joined because of my grandpa.
Hmm.
He's retired from the army 22 years,
lieutenant colonel.
When I was a kid, we would go to music in the park
on the Fourth of July,
and the band would play the fight song for each branch of the military, you know?
And if you were a veteran,
you would stand when they played your song.
Can you email me the rest of this?
When they played the army song,
my grandpa would stand, and...
I swear, he seemed a hundred feet tall to me.
And I wanted to be tall too, you know?
So...
Now tell us why you're here.
What I wanna talk about is-is...
...is not an incident, it's...
- Back inside. - Leave me alone!
It's a... It's a person.
Merit?
Go on.
I don't... I don't... I don't feel like it today.
Alicia, air force, 14 years.
Security forces.
MP, for you other folks.
See you later. Yeah.
I'm sorry.
Why? I shared.
You shared why you joined the army.
You did not share why you are here,
which is the point.
If you don't show up and share,
I will have no choice but to inform the court
that you did not complete the group.
I'm sorry.
I actually do get why you wanna reenlist.
But you're wrong.
Not everybody has a happy fuckin' home to go back to, Merit.
Ma'am, did you hear me?
Sorry, say again?
Your grandfather was found.
He was found wandering.
He didn't seem to know where he was.
We're lucky someone brought him in.
Right, yeah, that's Kwan.
She... She owns the lake house next to ours.
- This has happened before, so... - No. That was last time.
Dale was found on the side of Highway 8.
The police brought him in.
Look. We ran some tests.
I'm diagnosing him with early-stage Alzheimer's.
I'm sorry.
Never thought I'd see the day when a man can't go for a walk
on his own property.
You weren't on your own property, Grandpa.
You were on Highway 8.
And Kwan's before that.
Who? Exactly.
I know who Kwan is. You just pronounced it wrong.
How do you pronounce it? Kwan.
Kwan...
Sounds the same to me.
What the hell is this thing?
It's an iPod, it plays music.
Huh. I've seen AN/PRC-25 field radios in the garbage
look like they play music better than this thing.
Dale's got jokes.
Want me to help you in?
Help how?
You sure you're all right? I'm better than all right.
You don't think you should help him in?
Nah.
You heard him.
He's better than all right.
Hi, Merit!
Not much of a talker, are you?
People talk enough.
I meant in group.
I mean, that's kind of the point.
Talking. Listening.
Not being alone.
It's not as simple as you think.
Who said it was simple?
You think it's easy for everybody, anybody?
No, I...
Honestly, I don't even know if I should be here.
Well, it's not about you, Merit.
There are other people in there.
People who need your attention.
If you can't talk openly about your life, how can they?
I was medevacked out of Vietnam in November 1968.
I was shot, almost lost my fuckin' arm.
And for a decade, I was alone, self-medicating.
Strong and silent, so I thought at the time.
It wasn't until 1978 that I finally started to talk about it.
Respectfully, sir...
I don't know if getting hurt is the same as losing somebody.
I don't know what happened to you, Merit,
what you lost, or who,
but I do know that the kind of behavior that brought you to me
is not the kind of behavior of a person who is healed.
That behavior was an accident, Dr. Cole.
You dropped a forklift load of television sets,
almost crushed a coworker.
Please! That guy at the warehouse was all up in your shit.
What you're calling an accident,
the court's calling criminal negligence.
Nobody died.
What?
Merit, I know you think you're above this.
But... courage is moving forward.
I-It's not being unmoved.
What is it that you are so afraid to talk about?
What is wrong with you?
Get back inside!
I just can't.
If you don't show up and participate
and I don't sign off, you're back on the mercy of the court.
They'll fine you. Hell, they may even put you in jail.
If I were you,
I would think very seriously
about what living in the past is worth.
Just sayin'.
God, this literal shit is literally killing me.
We are light-wheel mechanics.
This is not that. Ugh.
Welcome to the army.
Hey, did you give any more thought to any of those supercool majors I suggested?
What?
Actually, uh...
I got in... to Oregon.
That's great.
Thanks.
Yeah, no, my, um...
my cousin just, uh,
told me he's gonna have a job for me when I get out, so...
Yeah? Your cousin? That's cool.
Mm-hmm. Which one?
Why didn't you tell me?
I don't know, Zoe, I...
I didn't know how you would react.
It's not like you've had anything super positive to say about college.
I love college. I think college is amazing.
Rich kids and snowflakes. There it is.
And I'm neither, by the way. Okay.
You know what I honestly think? Here it goes.
I think you get uncomfortable when anybody talks about life after the military.
Oh, is that what you think? Yeah, that's what I think.
Well... sorry you misinterpreted me.
I'm actually really proud of you.
I'm really excited for you. Congratulations.
Hey.
Your mother called... again.
If I were you, I would not call her back.
Ugh.
You dropped him off?
What is wrong with you? Mom.
Merit, you're gonna go back there,
you're gonna help me sell that cabin.
I've already contacted a realtor.
What? Grandpa still lives there.
And that was fine as long as he was fine,
but he's not anymore. Where is he gonna live?
He's going to a retirement home,
and I've already started making some calls.
This has to be done, Merit. He needs help.
Mom, I can't. I just don't understand, Merit.
There's no therapy at the cabin.
You used to spend so much time with your grandpa.
Time presses on
And on and on and on
Time presses on and on
Time presses on And on and on and on
Me and my red guitar Sitting on the hardwood floor
Singing this song about how I don't love you anymore
Crank the bass, turn me up
We're tryna race, burn it up Whoo, uh
Shake the place, tear it up Shake it, whoop
We the greats know you heard of us!
Shake it, whoo
Yeah, we the greats Know you heard of us
Heard about us, uh
Uh, driving like I know I want it
Uh, yeah Celebrate it if you pull up on 'em
Zone, what up
Simon got that pretty woman Uh, yeah...
Wow. You didn't tell me your grandfather lived
on the set of a horror film.
So which one of us do you think is gonna get killed first?
I mean, on the one hand, you're Black.
You guys don't make it long in horror movies.
But on the other hand, I'm already dead.
You seriously need to stop.
What? Isn't Oregon known for its serial killers?
Randall Woodfield, the I-5 Bandit.
Dayton Leroy Rogers, the Molalla Forest Killer.
There's something wrong with your brain.
Or is it yours?
You know, this is exactly how these movies start.
Bunch of bees over there.
Wow, so secure.
I feel very safe.
Grandpa?
Your grandma's so pretty.
Yeah, she was.
How come you never talk about your dad?
He died.
Cancer. I was seven.
Well, you should learn to talk about your dead loved ones more often.
That's an interesting place for milk.
Hey, there's your grandpa.
Hey.
Hi.
Uh, hi.
Wow, you're doing great.
If you're here for your grandmother's funeral,
you're ten months late.
I'm here to see you. No, you're here to check on me.
Your mother put you up to it.
I'm here to see you, Grandpa.
I'll bet she guilted you so bad you just rushed right over here,
didn't even remember to pack.
We did forget the toothpaste.
- Am I wrong? - I, um...
I did talk to Mom,
but I'm here because I want to be.
I'm sorry I left the other day.
Upstairs, second door on the right.
In case you don't remember.
This house is legit spooky. I saw a bat earlier. I'm not even kidding.
So your Grandpa Dale does not fuck around, does he?
Yeah, nah, that's not really his thing.
No, no, no, no.
When was the last time your phone rang and it was good news?
Don't pick that up.
Hello?
You missed tonight's session, Merit.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't... I don't... I don't know what to tell you.
I'm with my grandpa.
He has early stage Alzheimer's.
I have to stay with him, he lives alone...
We've only got two sessions left.
We all have demons, Merit.
But you don't have to face them alone.
Why is that guy so obsessed with you?
Ew. Guess you still got it.
Oh, please. Still got it.
Verl. Damn, what a name. Hmm.
1927 to 1944.
What is that? Seventeen.
Probably died on D-Day.
Damn, good for you, Verl. Don't say that.
What? I can joke about the dead. These are my people.
What is that? Whatever it is, let it go.
I said let it go.
Hey!
Holy shit. Sorry.
Whew.
What the hell are you doing?
Oh, man, you scared me. Hi. This is a cemetery.
Yeah, thank you for the observation.
You're noise polluting, and you're disturbing the visitors.
To be fair, there's one visitor,
singular, and, uh,
how do you know you're not disturbing me?
Look, guy...
My name's Alex.
It's not even 8:00 a.m.
I'm sorry, did I wake you?
Were you... Were you sleeping behind a grave over there?
What's going on?
Right now in the morning,
when it's early before work,
that's-that's when I'm free, okay?
You don't work here?
You're Weedwacking and you don't work here?
No, my grandparents are buried over there.
I know what you're thinking.
It's very cool that I'm descended from
one of the first Indian families in Portland.
Unless you don't think it's cool
that my thatha and my patti are buried here,
in which case, you're a racist.
I'm playing, it's the dandelions. They grow like damn weeds.
Well, they are a weed.
Yeah, well, I cleaned my, uh... my grandparents' tombstones,
and they look beautiful,
but then all the other ones look like shit.
And I-I got this thing about cleanliness, so...
And then you stomped in and you started yelling at me.
It's weirdly... Selfless?
Considerate. It's very selfless.
But it's weirdly considerate.
You should get a quieter one. They're better for the environment.
You're right, thank you for the tip, stranger.
Merit. Merit.
Wrap it up, high-speed.
Okay, have a good run.
Get a quieter one!
But first, let me introduce today's guest.
Bill Stokes is the author of the Birder's Conservation Handbook.
He's also an ornithologist at the Oregon Songbird Initiative.
He joins us today from Portland.
Thanks for talking with us today, Bill. BILL: Thanks, Tessa.
Let's talk about some of the birds you cover in your book.
Want a hand?
No.
Reckon you'll just tell me it ought to be replaced.
Isn't that what your generation does?
Something needs repair, you just get a new one.
Well, I can't speak for my generation, but I was a 63 Bravo,
so I can repair just about anything.
There.
Wow, Merit, you're great at affection.
Well, as long as you're here.
Paper goes in six, remember?
We don't live in the city. We sort our own trash out here.
Paper...
...goes in six.
Metal in one, compost in two,
plastic in three, burn in four,
trash in five, paper in six.
Hmm? Metal, compost, plastic, burn, trash, paper.
Got it? Got it.
Do you got it?
I don't got it.
What's the little one for? Is that just a mystery?
Okay, Mom, I'm on my way.
Yes, yes.
Hi, sorry I'm late.
My mother called ahead about a room for Dale Tillman.
Said you need a family signature.
Where's the sugar-free candy? We used to...
Oh, hey.
Uh, it was "stranger," right?
Merit. Merit, hi.
Alex. Yeah.
Wow, you remembered.
So you work here? Yep.
Actually, my family owns the place.
You know, they decided not to go into the hotel industry
'cause my dad was like...
"Hmm, assisted living. Recession-proof."
My dad is apparently Yoda. I don't know why I did that. Um...
Wo... Uh, would you like to see the room?
Is-Is that how-how it normally goes?
People normally wanna see it?
Uh, yeah, unless they hate their parents,
then they usually just drop 'em on the curb outside.
Okay. Okay. Thank you.
Just this way.
Dr. Castro, how you doin'?
So...
Is it, um... Yeah, it's right up in here.
Here we are.
Closet, bathroom, and bedroom's back there.
People normally sign right away? Yeah, it's in high demand.
Yeah, my mom says these rooms are harder to get into than...
Yale.
Yeah, let me guess, did your mom go to Yale?
Can I ask you a question?
Sure.
Is this a good place?
A lot of people wish they could be in here.
My grandfather's particular.
My grandmother...
When she died, he became a different version of himself, you know?
Not worse, but not better.
It's like when you lose someone,
you don't know who you are without 'em.
You want to know if he'll find a home here.
Yeah. It's a hard decision. Um...
Take a few days to think about it.
And, uh, I'm not supposed to do this,
but I'll-I'll hold the room for you.
Really? Yeah. I mean,
even the Yale of assisted livings has an A-list.
You're scared of my mom. I'm terrified.
Thank you. Mm-hmm.
Hey, I know... I know you don't like noise,
and I'm guessing you probably don't like people either,
but sometimes I go to this bar called the WildHorse.
Sometimes, um, like tonight around 8:00-ish.
Okay.
So you're really thinking about taking him away from this place?
Oh, what the hell?
Grandpa?
You all right?
Not especially, no.
'Cause paper goes in goddamn six.
Metal, compost, plastic, burn, trash, paper.
Is that hard?
Is that impossible?
You know, you come here,
you eat my food, you use my water.
Fine, have at it.
But it defies imagination that you and I were in the same branch of the service.
If you'd learned anything in the army, you'd have learned respect.
Do you think I'm crazy?
Your mother thinks I'm crazy.
Fine!
But as long as you're under my roof, paper goes in goddamn six!
Clean it up!
Where does plastic go again?
You know, I've read about us vets getting PTSD,
but good for your granddad.
Not a lot of vets trying to give PTSD.
You sure about this? He's just angry.
But he is not gonna scare me off.
Gran...
How's it going over there?
Hmm.
It-It can be complicated, the trash system.
How's that bird feeder repair going?
Oh, it's going.
You're really gonna go meet this guy, the Weedwacker?
I just thought it would be...
good to...
I don't know, get a change of scenery.
You mean you don't want to see me.
It's just for tonight. Mmm.
What if he's a murderer?
You don't think he would've murdered me when we were alone?
Like in the cemetery?
It's just for tonight, I promise.
Just for tonight.
The forecast that we have up at Mount Hood today,
we are going to stay sunny...
They were supposed to be kids,
but I think they're actually like adult women.
Really? I'm not even kidding.
The handwriting, you can tell.
The Dynamic Duo.
Hey, Ramirez.
Fuck off, Lewis.
What's up?
Green to green.
Threatcon got bumped up to amber.
Some jackass from first platoon said there's a sniper out there.
Look, we didn't see anything. Sounds like the bogeyman.
Ser. Charles, you girls gonna be okay out there?
Listen, Ser...
Hey, you talk to her like that one more time,
I'm gonna make you wish that sniper got you.
What'd you just say to me?
You heard me.
See me after your shift, Specialist.
Ooh.
Bye, Ramirez.
You didn't have to do that.
That guy's a fuckin' dork.
Well, at any rate...
So...
Your cousin.
Yeah, I think he's moving to Florida.
Okay, you think you'll go?
What, and leave all this? Right.
It's not like you're gonna reenlist.
I don't know, maybe.
Why would you reenlist?
I don't know, Merit, maybe because it's an option
that's actually available to me.
I see you talk about your grandma and your grandpa,
and I think to myself, "Man, she's got a home,
she's got a family, she's got a...
A whole life with meaning to go back to," you know?
I bet when you take those career tests,
you don't even think about how expensive the results are,
how much it would cost to be an artist or a psychologist.
Do you want to be an artist or a psychologist?
Because you could be. No. No, I can't, Merit, that's my point.
The world is not my fucking oyster.
You think the world is my oyster?
I'm a Black woman in America.
With a lake house.
It's my grandparents' lake house. It is not mine.
Still a lake house.
Don't worry, nothing is set in stone yet.
Your aim is definitely not set in stone. Oh, shut up.
But it's time to move on
The good times
They're not the same...
Hey.
Hi. You...
I didn't think, um...
You want to sit down? Uh, yeah.
Sorry, I ordered already.
Um, I didn't...
I'm a natural pessimist.
Me, too. Yeah.
To be honest, I wasn't sure if you were too good to be true
'cause in my line of work, the women I usually talk to are...
You know, they remember where they were when we stormed Normandy.
Have-Have you ever played Buck Hunter?
No.
That's one, that's two.
That's all three. You nailed it! That's a new record!
Well, damn.
If I knew I was playing with a sniper, I'd have dressed up.
Light-wheel mechanic, actually.
There it is, military service.
I'm impressed 'cause, you know,
I actually talked to a woman today who drafted the Truman Doctrine.
How could I ever compete with that?
How'd you get into the military?
My grandfather, actually.
Oh, our prospective resident. That's right.
Retired 22 years from the army. Lieutenant colonel.
Two tours in Vietnam.
He used to let me play with his medals and his patches.
He would sit me down, tell me a story about each one of them.
I was just talking about this.
But every Fourth of July,
my entire family would stay at my grandparents' lake house
and we would drive into town for music in the park.
Yeah, every year, of course. The fireworks.
And the local chamber orchestra
would play the Battle Hymn. Right. If you served.
Yeah. Yeah. You stand up.
I remember every year,
my grandpa would get up out of his... His old folding chair
and he would tip his hat to everybody.
That's so cool. Yeah.
There's a new sheriff in town.
First to fight for the right
And to build the nation's might
What?
And the army... Goes rolling along
How... Who-Who taught you that?
Miss Truman Doctrine taught you that, huh?
No, she can't sing.
Like, seriously, you should see her on karaoke night, it hurts.
My parents, however,
uh, well, we just had the immigrant experience
where you double down on being American, you know?
So we celebrate every holiday,
and my dad loves fireworks and hot dogs.
So, I mean, you put a firework in a bun
and that would blow his mind.
All right, let's see what I can do. Are you ready?
I'm ready, let me see. Okay, oof, oof, oof.
Oh, no, he got away.
- Mmm-hmm. - Pick a spot.
You need spectacles.
Okay, so, so, so, you know, zero...
Well... ...deer.
Um... I-I shoot around them.
I'm a pacifist... Right.
...so you help them scatter so they can be free.
You're way better at this than I am.
Well, you're-you're a pacifist.
Indeed, I am.
So, um, so...
Drinks? Yes.
Probably? Yeah, I'm sure they're ready.
Food, probably not. Okay.
Yeah, we might have to wait till tomorrow for that.
Hey, you.
Zeke, you... You've seen Merit?
Sorry, Dr. Cole.
Have you always lived in Molalla?
Molalla?
Yeah. I was born and raised here.
Um, and then my dad, of course,
wanted me to take over the family business at Shady Acres, um,
but I did, I moved away for a little while when I got married.
When you got... What?
Uh, formerly married.
Formerly married.
Oh.
Six years.
You were married for six years, or you've been divorced for six years?
Actually, both.
That's a long time.
Sorry, d...
Does that... Does that make you nervous
to talk about the past? What? No.
No, I'm not nervous about the past. I'm-I'm...
I'm, uh, well... I'm nervous about you, so...
Indian people aren't supposed to get divorced.
It's definitely not in the job description,
so, um, I was... I was just... I was so ashamed.
I'd felt like I'd failed at marriage,
and it, um...
Mmm, it, uh, it had... It had a power over me and, um...
But then, you know, I just...
Fuck it, I started talking about it.
It helped.
Yeah, I mean, it's not perfect.
I still have PTSD from my marriage.
I mean, oh, my God, I can hear her just...
I'm so sorry, that was so insensitive.
Oh, no. It's all good. No.
No, there's no reason for me to say that.
You can relax, the military doesn't own PTSD.
We do happen to be the best at it, though.
Okay.
How about you? Do you... Do you have any war stories?
Yeah.
Yeah, I do.
Um...
Kind of third-wheeling it tonight.
Yeah, actually.
Uh, when I was over there,
um, Afghanistan, um...
Actually,
when I... When I came back...
Yeah.
Um, I...
Merit, are you...
Hey, it's okay. Are you all right?
Are you okay?
Um... I'm-I'm sorry. I'm sorry, if, uh...
Uh... It's okay, it's okay.
I gotta go. It's okay.
What was that? What was what?
Why would you ruin that? Why?
Zoe!
That was my first date since...
Since what?
Something traumatic happened to you?
Get the fuck out of my face, Zoe.
Get the fuck out of my face!
Damn, Merit, never could take a joke.
Oh, my God. Grandpa?
Oh, my God.
Grandpa, hey, hey.
What?
What happened? Um...
Oh, my God, you're bleeding. I'm fine.
Wait, are you... Are you sure?
Here, can you get up? I can get up.
I just didn't feel like it.
Where were ya? I was out.
Well, I could've used you here.
Okay, here. I'm-I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Thank goodness someone was there to bring you back home.
Hey, Mom. Hey, sweetheart.
What are you up to?
Nothing, nothing. Just, um...
hanging out with Grandpa at the lake.
Just, um, watching the geese.
Well, that's great, I'm glad you have time.
So, I-I was thinking the realtor could come by
this afternoon at 2:00.
Please leave your message...
You know, when we met, I was sure you were going to do the work, Merit.
Guess it's never too late to be surprised, hmm?
Merit?
Hello? Are you there? Yeah, yeah, I'm here.
Okay, great, so two o'clock then, all right?
Two o'clock they'll be there.
Thanks so much, honey. They'll see you at 2:00, bye.
It's a gorgeous day.
We should take the pontoon boat out this afternoon,
get some sun.
The bird feeder still needs fixing.
Okay, well, we can go into town and shop for new bird feeders.
I got what I need.
Maybe not new ones, but... No, that would be crazy.
...parts.
What is this?
Uh-oh.
It's an iPod, Grandpa, remember?
Plays music.
Let me see it.
I put some new music on it for you.
Not bad.
Still, I've seen AN/PRC-25 field radios in the trash
that were capable of playing music.
That funny feeling I caught the fever
Seems I've had it for 18 years
I thought I felt all right But then it happened...
You sure about the pontoon boat? Yeah, I'm sure.
Well, your grandpa is just putting shit everywhere, isn't he?
Hmm. Ooh.
These expired in 2012. I would still eat them, though.
You know, my abuelo was stubborn as hell, too.
You don't have to... No, no, really, he was.
I mean, he loved us kids, but anything we wanted to do was "no."
"Want to go to the movies?" "No."
"Ice cream?" "No."
Even shit he wanted to do he wouldn't do.
One time, I stole a Reader's Digest from the library,
and it had something on the cover like,
"A hundred fun things to do with your grandkids,"
and I put it in our mailbox and just, like,
pretended it got delivered to the wrong address,
and that con worked like a charm.
We had ice cream that afternoon.
Zoe, you're a genius.
Thank you.
Wait, why?
Listen, my abuelo was kind of dumb, and that was just ice cream.
I don't think this is gonna work the same way.
No, it's gonna work.
We just...
Just gotta make the ice cream his idea.
Well, can we actually get ice cream afterwards?
'Cause now we've said it so many times, I really want some.
What in God's green hell is that?
Jesus.
Goddamn it, Emmy! What...
Jesus Christ. Ooh, you did it now.
This is the plan.
You're gonna flood it.
There it goes.
Be a shame to squander a beautiful day like this.
Get in your seat.
You're on rocks lookout.
Charlie Mike.
So, what's the plan then?
The plan? Yeah.
You and your mom, I'm sure there's some scheme afloat.
She's just worried about you.
Yeah, what about you?
I just want you to be happy.
I've actually been meaning to talk to you about the cabin.
You know, your grandma, she loved this lake.
Especially in the wintertime.
She thought it was prettiest then.
Always preferred the summers myself.
"Too damn muggy," she'd say.
"Didn't you get enough humidity in Vietnam?"
That was her one Vietnam joke.
That's what I think about now...
hot days like today.
That's why your little snot-nosed ass
used to spend all those summers out here with me.
You didn't talk much, and you...
You were a deadeye on rocks lookout.
Perfect fisherman's mate.
I loved it.
I love being out here.
Why haven't we seen you in so long?
I thought for sure you'd have shown up during your grandma's final days.
At her funeral.
Do not tell him.
I've... I've been dealing with some things...
from over there.
Yeah, let me guess...
PTSD?
You Iraq and Afghan vets,
you know, your whole entitled generation really,
blame everything on something or someone else.
You know, when we came back, we didn't have any PTSD
to blame everything on.
Call it what you want. Combat stress, shell shock, whatever.
Goddamn it, don't "whatever" me, young lady.
Our wars were not the same.
I read in the Army Times that people line up at the airports
and greet each and every one of you when you return home from duty.
Is that true?
Did that happen to you?
You know what happened to me?
I had to change out of my uniform at SFO in a public bathroom.
And I still got spit on.
My short hair and my green duffel,
that's how they knew I was a baby killer.
I didn't know that. You never talked about it.
Well, why would I?
Why burden any of you with that?
That's... That's what a soldier does.
We go out and do things nobody else wants to do.
And we suck it up.
Well, I am sucking it up.
Believe me.
We have each other, you know.
Us veterans.
You know, maybe I didn't talk about my war with you guys,
but I sure as hell talked about it down at the VFW.
Even brought your mom a few times on bingo night
when she was just knee-high to a grasshopper.
I bet she took bingo very seriously.
She played four boards at a time.
She used to yell at us for talking too much.
I should've been here.
Okay, Em, why don't you come on over here and steer us home?
Yes, sir.
Thanks.
I thought you only ate that gŸten-free stuff.
Why, because I live in the city?
I'm still your granddaughter.
Yeah, you're gonna have to speak up, darlin'.
Everybody talks so quietly these days. Jesus.
So, the Fourth of July celebration and craft show is tomorrow.
You mean the crap show?
I know you have everything that you need here, but...
I thought maybe we could go to Roy Purdy's booth.
I'll bet he has some spare parts to fix that bird feeder of yours.
Mmm, perhaps.
I could drive us in.
First thing in the morning.
I'm goin' to bed.
Not really hungry.
Yeah, hi, I'm Richard, semper fi.
I was a marine lieutenant in Vietnam.
Platoon commander, combat type.
Navy commander, trauma surgeon.
I work the ER over at St. John's.
Army, staff sergeant, OIF1.
I was deployed to Iraq twice and Afghanistan once
and now I'm a teacher.
Going back to school, get my MBA.
You know, proving that all marines aren't dumb.
Now I work in finance, but I hate it.
So, um, I tried to find something that I do love now,
and it turns out that's stand-up comedy,
so I've been giving that a try.
"Being in the military's a lot like being Asian.
"We all kinda look alike and everybody thinks we're the marines."
The world has this impression of who we are
when we say that we're veterans.
Trying vulnerability and talking to my friends,
but realizing, like...
I can't tell them about the things that I've done or...
Eh, all this Iraq and Afghanistan stuff
has brought up some old tapes for me.
So, I wanted to come here and share with you what I could and...
I've lost more guys back home, though, than I did in Iraq.
Thanks, James.
- Hey. - Hey.
Uh, sorry, I haven't gotten back to you about the room.
Yeah, no, it's cool. You still got two days anyways.
I wasn't calling about that.
I was just... I was just checking on you, soldier,
um, 'cause last night, uh...
Yeah, uh...
I'm... I'm sorry, I don't...
Look, I'm a forgiving and noble man.
So, you're good.
Yeah, and... And considerate.
And I'm also handsome and I do my taxes on time usually, so...
Um, when can I see you again?
How about the Fourth of July thing? You going to that?
Yeah, well, I hope so.
Yeah? Okay, uh, well, um, thanks for picking up.
And, um, good night, Merit.
Good night.
Oh, shit.
You scared me, Zoe.
I'm your shadow. Boo!
Where else would I be?
Hey, um...
next time you want to tell your granddad about me,
why don't you tell him about your big plans for him instead?
How you're going to take him away from his home,
and his boat and his birds,
and stick him in a septuagenarian purgatory
where he'll die confused and alone.
Coward.
You got any other tunes on this thing?
Sir, yes, sir.
Fine, this one is a good one.
Once I had a dream that made me sad
Made me sad
How so many people can be bad
Everybody wants all they can grab
They can grab
No one's ever happy with their share
We're all here until we know not when
Not when
Love has gone And won't come back again
There's Roy.
Well, I'll be.
Is that Dale?
You're damn right it is.
How the hell are ya, Roy? Oh, you know, can't complain.
Good to see you.
Ah, we haven't seen you since Angela passed.
How you been holding up?
Oh, fine. Doing fine. Uh-huh.
Listen, Roy, I need some material for an old finch feeder I've got.
I've had it for years and the damn thing's falling apart on me.
What do you think about a new one, huh? Well, what do you got?
I thought you didn't want... Oh, hush.
You must be... Merit.
Merit! That's my granddaughter.
She lives in the city.
I don't believe it. Wow.
Last time I saw you, you were about this high,
playing with G.I. Joes. Ah.
What are you up to these days?
Not much.
She was in Afghanistan.
Lightweight vehicle mechanic.
And then they stuck her on some outpost near the Pakistan border
pulling guard duty detail for the 10th Mountain grunts.
Army's run by a bunch of yahoos these days.
Well, thank you for your service.
Welcome home, young lady. Thank you very much.
How much is this one?
Oh, $40. For you, Dale, $50.
Well, fine. We'll take it.
Good. Do you have money?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think so.
Good to see ya, Roy. Good to see you.
40. It's 40.
Sticking you with the bill, huh?
Doesn't he know you're broke?
We will continue tonight's program with a salute to our nation's veterans.
As is our tradition, if you've served or are currently serving,
when you hear your branch's song played,
please stand and be recognized.
March along
Sing our song
With the army of the free
Count the brave Count the true
Who have fought to victory
We're the army and proud of our name
We're the army and proudly proclaim...
First to fight for the right
And to build the nation's might
And the army goes rolling along
Proud of all we have done
Fighting till the battle's won
And the army goes rolling along
Then it's hi, hi, hey
The army's on its way
Count off the cadence loud and strong
For where'er we go You will always know
That the army goes rolling along
Seems like right up here is good, yeah?
Yeah, fine.
Hey, Merit?
Hey!
What's up, stranger?
Hey. You look, uh, um...
Hi, uh...
You must be the colonel.
Lieutenant colonel. Retired. Who are you?
Uh, hi, I'm Alex, Manager First Class,
Shady Acres Assisted Living Facility.
Come again? What?
That's a retirement home, right?
I...
How do you two know each other?
Uh, uh, we-we, uh... We met at-at-at...
Grandpa. Traitor!
Fuck. I'm sorry, I didn't know.
Of course you didn't!
Hey, don't you think
you should give him some space? What?
You used to be so good at giving him space.
Zoe, let me go.
Grandpa!
Get back inside!
What is wrong with you? Stop!
Get back inside, now! Why?
No, no!
Mom?
I...
Uh...
Grandpa, uh...
Yeah, don't worry. He's here. He's here?
He's in bed and he is resting.
Oh, thank God!
I'm sorry, okay?
It's... Listen, listen to me, Mom.
He got... He got upset. It was so fast, he walked away...
Merit, stop. I can't.
We'll talk in the morning.
Hey.
Hey!
Hey, you gonna get that?
I'll get it.
S-O-G, this is ECP1.
Green to green, over.
I actually get why you want to reenlist.
Mmm?
But you're wrong.
Why?
Aren't you the one that calls us Imperial Stormtroopers
tricked into modern colonialism?
Well, it's not not true.
What about you could, uh, I don't know, die?
Well, then I will die in a blaze of glory, I hope.
Oh, fuck you.
Ooh!
Small words from the college girl.
All right, I got a question for you then.
Do you think we would be friends back home?
Where even is home for you? You don't ever talk about it.
Just answer me.
Do you think we would be friends?
Of course we would.
Okay, then how would it work, like,
honestly, how would it work?
Like, would we see each other once a year
and then, like, random calls, and, I don't know,
just eventually end up just liking each other's Facebook posts and shit?
I mean, yeah, why... Why not?
We can... We can do whatever we want.
Friendships evolve.
Why don't you explain where this is coming from?
I'm just being realistic.
I don't think you can explain yourself, even if you wanted to.
I have been explaining myself. I told you, it's...
Not everybody has a happy fuckin' home to go back to, Merit.
These are excuses, Zoe.
You need to be honest. Honest about what?
That... That you're scared!
You are scared of what comes next.
You wanna know where your meals are coming from.
You wanna be told what to do every day.
Okay, you think I'm scared?
I think you're terrified.
What are you doing?
Where are you going? What do you care?
Zoe.
What? Stop it!
Zoe!
Mom was right. You do feed them too much.
You, your mother, Merit,
you all seem to know a lot about what's best for me.
They are looking kind of big. They're huge.
Nice, having you and your mom around, honey.
Dad, Mom isn't here.
Your mother and I, for 22 years, went wherever the army sent me.
And then we bought this place.
Together.
Your mother wanted it to stay in the family.
I told you... I'm not planning on letting her down.
Long as I'm breathing, I'm staying put.
Mom... You know, when the hospital called me
to approve new medication for your grandpa, I thanked them.
I told them I was so happy you were there as a proxy.
And then when they told me you were there 'cause your grandfather fell again,
and I said, "Oh, I know, no, Merit told me."
Mom...
You lied to me.
Your grandfather can't live on his own.
I love you, Merit...
but you've made a mess.
What is wrong with you?
Stop!
Now, get back inside.
Getting us both fucking killed out here?
Get back inside now. No!
Stop this, why are you acting like your life doesn't mean anything?
It doesn't, none of this means anything. Yes, it does, stop.
Why? Because I love you and I care about you.
Zoe,
you're so big and your whole life is ahead of you
and you don't even see it.
What life?
We'll make it work.
We will make it work.
Okay?
After the army.
We'll figure it out.
I swear.
Zoe!
You swore.
Isn't that what you said?
Me and you? You got me?
I didn't reenlist because of you.
I believed you.
I know.
I know, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I convinced you not to reenlist.
I'm sorry I didn't see how badly you were doing.
And I am so sorry...
I am so sorry I didn't pick up.
On behalf of the President of the United States,
the United States Army, and a grateful nation,
please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation
for your loved one's honorable and faithful service.
I hate my... I hate myself.
I hate myself for it.
You, uh...
Say it.
You would still be alive if it weren't for me.
You can't tell anyone.
I know, and it's breaking me, Zoe.
It's breaking me worse than I'm already broken. I have to.
If you tell them,
you will lose me forever.
And I will never, ever forgive you.
No...
But Zoe would have.
Huh.
Mom!
Wait, you can't sign these. Merit, what are you doing?
I'm sorry, can... I-I need to stop you.
Hi. Hi.
Can I talk to you for a second?
Um, yeah. Just over... Over here.
I promise you I'll explain. Just...
I will explain, just please don't sign them.
Hey. So, sorry. It's, um... What?
Look, I know, I know, I'm gonna...
Um...
I'm sorry. What?
I'm sorry for everything
at the bar. At the bar?
I'm sorry about the park, I-I didn't know.
Oh, it's okay, I...
I should've told him.
But thank you and...
I'm working through a lot of stuff right now.
And, um, I'm gonna get through it.
Yeah. So...
Second chance? Hey. You're being a goofball.
Okay?
Y-Your mom's looking at us. Is she?
Yes, she is. Yeah.
Okay, all right, I'm gonna...
Yeah. Yeah, okay.
Okay, okay, Mom, listen. Um...
Yeah. Don't sign these.
Should've used the Loctite, much better glue.
I would, Grandpa, if you would store it in a normal location.
Tell him the news.
You're not going to Shady Acres.
No shit.
I'd like to stay here.
Where?
Here. With you.
I can help you around the house,
I could fix stuff, drive you places.
Build you an organizer for your glues.
You should start with the water heater.
You gonna be taking those long-ass showers,
we'll need it in tip-top.
All right.
You sure about this?
I am sure.
Okay, yeah. Oh!
I gotta go, um,
I have so much to tell you both, but I have to go now.
I'll be back as soon as I can.
Where the hell's she going?
I don't know.
And that's when you need me there
With you I'll always share
Because when the sun...
No! Fuck!
If this thing dies one more time I'm just gonna kill myself.
Don't do that, what would I do without you?
Well, you know, you'll get your own umbrella I guess.
Come on, hurry up. I got it, I got it... Ready?
When the sun shines We'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever Said I'll al...
Let me see it, just give it to me.
Come on.
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath Gonna stick it out to the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Told you we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
Ella-ella, eh, eh, eh
Under my umbrella
Ella-ella, eh, eh, eh
Under my umbrella
We'd been back home for about four years.
He was like the coolest dude ever...
...and the last person you'd ever think that...
Surprised to see you.
Never too late to be surprised.
We'll see. Sorry, James.
It's fine. Do you want to...
You ready?
My name is Merit.
Served eight years in the army.
63 Bravo, light-wheel mechanic.
Deployed to Afghanistan in 2016.
And why I'm here...
It's not an incident.
It's a person.
Her name was Zoe.
I've lived my life
Awaking with the dawn
Working on this house To make it a home
Some kind of wild protection, although it doesn't really do jack,
but it makes me feel more comforting on the inside.
Did you serve your country? Roger, I'm really proud.
You know...
Looking out
Feet on the sunlit ground
Oh, I'm a beautiful ruin
Memories of loss in my chest
I thought they'd be my undoing
But I'm scared to death I'll forget
I'm scared to death I'll forget
I felt it in my bones The storm had broken
A house with shattered windows
Still lets the light in
Lately I've been thinking Of starting a garden
Watching it grow
Breathing
Letting you go
Oh, I'm a beautiful ruin
Memories of loss in my chest
I thought they'd be my undoing
But I'm scared to death I'll forget
I'm scared to death I'll forget
Forget
I'm out of breath
Gave it all, nothing left
Didn't fall, I told you
Didn't I?
Just do, you'll be fine
I'm running
Hurting
Pushing
I got it, though
You breathe it
You mean it
You see it It's how I know
I'm standing on a hill
Looking up, looking down
Wanna remember how it feels
Don't forget to look around
It's amazing
Oh, amazing
Oh, oh, oh, oh
But tomorrow
Tomorrow's another day
So we get low
Go home, don't fade away
I'm not done, not empty
Got more blood inside of me
Full lungs, inhale deep
Exhale all the chattering
Fighting
Another one
Keep it up
Until it's done
Taking ground
From me
Making sounds and moving my feet
I'm standing on a hill
Looking up, looking down
Wanna remember how it feels
Don't forget to look around
It's amazing
Oh, amazing
Oh, oh, oh, oh
But tomorrow
Tomorrow's another day
So we get low
Go home, don't fade away
But tomorrow
Tomorrow's another day
So we get low
Go home, don't fade away
Tomorrow
Tomorrow's another day
So we get low
Go home, don't fade away
But tomorrow
Tomorrow's another day