ROLAND: For those not bingeing, this is what happened last time.
Beattie, she's just decided she'd like to spend a little bit of time...
well, live with another couple.
You haven't killed Spike and no-one has thrown you out of the group.
Thanks - but if we don't find him, I can't stay.
Pamelia lost Spike and everyone's out there looking for him.
You take him and give him to Pamelia. This way, no-one feels bad.
How often does he have chemotherapy? Once a week.
If I can extend my time with Marty by one minute, I will.
Why are you dressed like you're going to a wedding?
Because I am.
You know I'm getting married. To who? To...
Steve. Why?!
What are you doing here? This is about John Farnham.
And then I woke up... She's not a people person.
Because he was on top of me. Or a dog person.
Or an anything person. I've never met anyone more in need of therapy.
SAM: Hey, does Beattie still do dog therapy?
No. It was making him anxious, ironically.
JONAH: Oh! Hey, guys - it turns out I can come to your wedding.
Oh, amazing! Oh, hey!
Oh, I'm actually quite nervous. (CHUCKLES)
Just mainly about forgetting my lines.
Steve's making us learn our vows.
So we can look into each others' eyes.
(IMITATES RETCHING) You two are adorable.
Hey, what's wrong with Muppet? Why isn't he playing?
Hey. What's happening, buddy? SAM: He misses Roland.
Beattie, I mean. Misses Beattie, obviously.
Jonah,
I have to tell you something.
No, you don't. No, you don't.
I really, really need to.
Or don't, if you don't want to. See?
But first, I just want to say how sorry I am.
Everyone makes mistakes, Pamelia.
And after I say it, you may never want to speak to me ever again,
which I completely understand.
Have you guys heard about the doggy dress-up day next week?
Yes! I'm going to that. Pamelia?
Last weekend, when you were away at the wedding...
It was, like, so long ago. Oh, there's Penny.
And I was minding your house,
minding Spike,
I lost him.
OK. What's wrong with Penny?
Do you understand? I lost Spike! Pam, it's OK!
No Marty.
How's Emma?
Why don't you marry her, if you're so interested?
Well, if it gets me close to you, maybe I will.
(PHONE RINGS) Oh. There's Mia.
Can you go?
Hey. You must miss me - twice in one week.
No - but can I have some money?
I need to buy Mum a birthday present.
Oh, wow. Leaving it to the last minute.
(WHINES) Wait - is that Beattie?
Hi, Beattie-girl!
Hi, Pooky!
Aww! (SNIFFS)
Hi! (SNIFFS)
Hello!
Hmm. She's forgotten me.
No. She can't see screens.
Unlike you. Wait, are you at work?
Yeah. I've still got a lot to give.
You took Beattie to work?
Yeah but only because... to stop her whining...
I can't wait to tell Mum - Rolly and Beattie together at last!
OK. OK.
Can I have cashola, please, Beattie's dad?
Cashola. Yes.
Uh, yeah, just tell me when you've found the present
and, um, text me and I'll send it to you.
How are you, anyway? How is it over there?
It's good, um...
but Mum's making me write all these lists
about what I want to do with my life.
She's all positive now, just 'cause she's happy.
Right. Are you gonna message her?
Why ruin her birthday?
It's confusing for you, Dad, I know,
but...it'd be worse if you didn't.
She'd be so hurt.
Yeah, anyway...
And messaging's weird - you know, what are you supposed to say?
But it's way better than not.
Anyway, have you, um...have you found people over there your own age?
Have you... Are there places to... (AMERICAN ACCENT) ..party?
Eww! Don't say 'party' like that!
It's really creepy. OK.
Oh! Can I tell you something, if you promise not to get mad?
Uh... I want to live in LA.
Alright. After uni?
Well...maybe instead of.
Oh, well, I mean...yeah, maybe we'll...we'll...
It's OK. Park that. Yeah.
Um, maybe I'll just marry another oligarch, or come back home.
Right. Right.
Anyway, I've gotta go. Love you.
Bye. Wash your hair.
What? (ENDS CALL)
There he is. Oh! He got her back.
I knew he would. Only because we said he was awful.
Does he have to come? Yes.
Hello.
Listen, I don't want to be here but, um...
Hello, Beattie-girl! Did he get you back?
Did the cold, awful man get you back?
Did he? Yes, he did! Yes, he did. You're such a good girl!
Why would anyone let you go?
Penny wants me to come with us.
Is this a kidnap situation?
Because...
Marty's dying.
Yeah! Yeah, I've been trying to say that since we...
Today.
The vet's coming at 6:00.
Can you just get in?
Oh. Uh...
Yep. Can you...?
Yeah.
Hi, baby! What's in here?
A big jump, hey? Go!
Good girl. Mind your feet.
Ooh, wotcher! Mind your...
(WHEEZES)
Thank you, Roland.
Yeah. No, of course.
Marty just loves you. God knows why.
So that's why I wanted you to be part of his last day.
Oh, of course.
JONAH: I mean, I knew this day would come but...
I didn't think it would come this soon.
I'm gonna find him the biggest bone in the world.
Like a...cow thigh, or something.
Catch you later, mate. See ya.
Hop in! Spike!
(WHISTLES) Get in.
Up! Good boy!
Are you OK?
I mean...obviously not.
What if we sing a song?
You know? Write a song for Marty?
Don't you have work?
Yeah but this is more important.
Yeah. Yeah?
Yeah. Alright. Come on.
You're gonna have to share a spot with Spike.
Hey, Spike. Oh, Spike, scooch over.
Good boy.
(PENNY MURMURS COMFORTINGLY)
OK. I'll see you in a bit.
Need to go and chat.
I am never gonna judge people with dogs in prams again.
I'm gonna get some food.
Oh, I'll come and join you, if you don't mind.
I do, actually, but I think Penny wants us to make up.
Oh! Pfft!
Don't worry about that.
You're forgiven.
Come on.
Oh.
Table for two, thanks, mate.
Sit anywhere, mate.
(PHONE RINGS)
Why do they have a sign saying, "Please wait to be seated,"
if you can just sit anywhere?
What can we get you?
I haven't seen a menu yet. Oh, it's on a QR code.
I'm not doing that.
Can I have a latte and a pesto wrap, please?
Could I have some toast, please? Seeded or sourdough?
Sourdough, thanks, with Vegemite and a flat white.
Everything has a QR code now, hasn't it?
(VIDEO PLAYS ON PHONE NEARBY)
Are earphones not a thing?
Like, do we have to hear every single thing he's listening to?
Well, am I right?
(VIDEO CONTINUES PLAYING) What?
What would you talk about if you didn't hate everything?
I don't hate everything. You pretty much do.
Well, what do you want to talk about?
Your wedding - do you want to talk about your wedding?
No. OK? No. Shut up. How are the plans coming along?
Oh, I know - abandonment.
How did it feel when you abandoned Beattie?
How did it feel? Yeah. Talk me through it.
Was it a relief? Did it feel good?
Did it excite you to give up your loyal dog to complete strangers?
Or did you regret it?
Did you think, "Maybe I shouldn't do this to her"?
"Maybe this dog needs me. Maybe I can't do this to Emma and Mia."
OK. For starters, Emma was aware it was on the cards.
What about Beattie, though? How did she feel?
How did she... How did the dog feel?
How did you feel about being abandoned? Did I abandon you?
She seems fine. Seems like she's OK.
Thank you. Oh, lovely. Thanks.
Lovely. Thank you.
Anyway, I'm sorry.
I don't need your apology. I feel like you do.
You only got her back because I told you to.
No, no - I got her back because I desperately missed the chat group.
You think we're gonna let you back in?
I don't care. I feel like you really do care.
I really don't care. I think you do care. Thank you.
And toast.
Ooh, yum.
Why do they always do this?
If I wanted to butter my own toast, I'd just make it myself.
But I decided to come here and get a professional to do it
but they haven't done it, have they?
Everyone likes it differently. Yes. Yes, that's true.
Everyone likes it differently but if you apply that to all the menu,
you'd have pasta with the sauce on the side,
or your wrap just a deconstructed wrap - you can make it yourself.
But I've decided to come to a cafe and ask the chef to do it.
I mean, otherwise, I'd just stay at home.
If only. How do they know I like it like this?
Like, maybe I like it burnt, or wet.
But I've decided to trust the chef.
You're a very boring man.
Just your type.
(BEATTIE BARKS SOFTLY)
D'you know, I've never met anyone with such stupid priorities.
You're clearly unhappy. (VIDEO PLAYS ON PHONE)
Your marriage is falling apart, you abandoned your dog
but that stuff - whatever.
But you get mad at the way someone parks their car
or whether I say 'I' or 'me'
or...toast.
(VIDEO CONTINUES PLAYING)
JONAH: I like your flat.
PAMELIA: There's a... resident in the walls.
Do you not have any brothers or sisters?
Gee. Lucky you.
I don't mean that.
I don't think. (GROANS)
PENNY: The booking's for 11:00. Plenty of time.
How's Mia going, Roland?
Uh, good, yeah. I think.
Happily ignoring the exchange rates.
(CHUCKLES) You must miss her.
Ah! I forgot. You don't get lonely.
What's your favourite bridge, Sam?
I'm...I'm sort of partial to a truss, if I'm honest, but...
I don't know - as I get older,
I can really, really appreciate a good cantilever.
Please. You are clearly a tunnel man.
Ah. (CHUCKLES) Oh, Marty!
Oh, whoa! Oh, sorry, everyone.
Ooh, god.
Oh! He can fart as much as he likes!
Oh! (COUGHS) Oh!
"Pawfection."
Why do hairdressers and dog-groomers
always have to use some sort of pun in their...
Do I want to hear this? Oh. Obviously not.
Well, they have to. Oh! Lenny.
We won't get certification without...
Lenny. Oh! Hey, sir. Mate.
Roland. Roland's fine. Roland. Sorry.
Here you go. Should be about right. Perfect.
Because it's a waste of our time. It's amazing. Thank you so much.
My time, if I'm honest. How you feeling? Pretty good?
I just did my third poo. I don't know if I can do this.
Well, they can find another firm. Of course you can!
I don't remember anything we talked about.
OK. Do that. No, that doesn't matter.
It's like, uh, game day, you know?
You train all week with the skills and drills
but they're in there and on game day, you can just play
and you trust that they're in there.
So, you know, just...
Play. Play. Yeah.
Exactly.
Oh! There we go.
Thank you. You're welcome.
That was a nice cuddle.
Oh. He's a cuddly guy.
Apparently.
(JONAH STRUMS GUITAR)
(SIGHS)
I'm terrified, like a bird.
I'm terrified of...
..Marty and Penny not being in my life.
Our dogs not being in my life.
I mean, I really don't have a lot going on...
..in my life.
Hey.
Me and Spike will always be in your life.
Oh. And Roland.
Eww! Oh, my god. Roland will always be in your life.
That is such a jump-scare. Don't say that.
(GRUNTS) Here you go.
Roland, can you drive? I want to sit with Marty.
Yep.
Ta. Thanks.
Hello! Come on, Marty. Move over.
Move over so I can get in!
Right.
So, um...
..home?
Penny? You OK?
I want you to bury him in the park.
Under the tree.
OK. Oh.
But...is that...isn't that illegal?
Technically, you need a permit.
And you... Which I don't have.
Right. Who cares about a permit?
We'll do it at midnight.
Thank you. Will we?
You know, we're all still very upset with you, Roland,
about giving Beattie away.
Yeah. No, I picked up on that. Mmm.
But...you know, I did get her back.
Yes.
So there is hope for you.
He still did it in the first place. Mmm.
It's a particular type of person who can do that.
It's Emma's birthday today, isn't it?
Oh, fuck me! Tomorrow over there.
Have you called her? I don't think he has.
No, I haven't, actually. I just love being dissected like this by you two.
Emma is very special to all of us.
I think you're managing well, Roland.
I think you're managing despite going through
what must be one of the worst periods of your life.
And it is why I can almost understand
your disastrous decision to abandon Beattie but...
..now that you've got that sorted,
maybe you can fix your marriage.
Or end it, bravely.
In any case, I've said too much.
Now let's go to church.
OK. (STARTS CAR)
BOTH: (SING) ♪ Marty was a loyal friend
♪ He'll go on and on till the planet ends
♪ Marty lived for 12 short years
♪ With a curly tail and furry ears
♪ Marty was a loyal friend
♪ Who'll go on and on till the planet ends
♪ Let's let sleeping dogs lie
♪ And let this sleeping dog...
♪ Die.
♪ ..die. ♪
(EXHALES)
Do they give dogs last rites?
PENNY: Well, I've given them a lot of money over the years,
so they'd better.
Come on. Here.
Roland?
Give me a hand up the steps? Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course.
Alright. Just up there.
(GRUNTS) Oh! Big fella. Thank you.
Yeah. (CHUCKLES)
Did you do this for all your other dogs?
No.
I'd better not go in. My, uh, skin burns in churches.
Right.
Uh, look, the second thing I wanted to say was just for your ears only.
You and Sam are very...
What's that awful word they use?
..compatible.
And yes, I'm very protective of Sam, so I want you to be careful.
Sam is prone to doubt
about her own feelings.
See you in a bit.
Hello, Roger!
Jesus. Yeah.
Hopefully he's in.
My dad died in a church.
This church? No.
It was at my mum's funeral.
Double sad.
Everyone said he died of a broken heart
but they didn't really like each other by then.
Relief, maybe.
Here lies Clive James, dead from relief.
Not...THE Clive James? No, idiot!
When it happened, though, I remember thinking,
why don't we just bury him too, while we're here, you know?
But Mum would have been really annoyed
if we'd made it all about him.
Again.
Well, sounds like he already did that by dying.
Yeah. Selfish.
Did you get married in a church?
Can't remember.
We are. Steve wants to.
Well, his parents do and I don't care.
Don't mind. So we are.
In the same church your dad...
Yes - as it's the same church my dad died in, we get a discount.
Really? No!
Oh.
In this church? No, not this church either.
There is more than one church.
Do you know if Emma's coming back for your wedding?
Uh...
no, she's not.
No, I didn't think so. I just...just wondered.
Oh, god!
I know.
No.
I just remembered Jonah and Pamelia are probably going to sing.
Oh, shit. They will, won't they?
Yeah. Is it pathological with them?
It is a bit, yeah.
I could hide his guitar.
STEVE: Yeah, so, she's been worked off her feet and a bit stressed
and now she misses a day at work
and has to spend a day in a car with Roland.
I mean, I hope she doesn't kill him! They're here.
Oh, OK. Well, that's, uh... that's good.
They seem to have, um...she seems to have forgiven him, so that's...
PAMELIA: Can we not do this? It's better than, um...you know...
PENNY: We'll be OK.
..not that.
Oh, my love. Come here.
JONAH: You are such a handsome boy!
SAM: It was actually really easy. You OK?
Yeah. I have a bit of a surprise.
PAMELIA: Jonah and I have a surprise too.
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)
Ta-da!
Oh, my god. (SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
(PENNY LAUGHS)
Oh, god!
I know we've been expecting this day.
Perhaps some of you have been silently wishing
that I would have taken this step sooner.
For Marty's sake.
His quality of life has deteriorated significantly
over the last few weeks, so...
..if I've delayed the end longer than I should have...
..please forgive me.
At this stage in life, I...
I'm not inclined to commit to another...
I've had the privilege of raising several dogs over the years.
And I know that they would all agree...
..when I say Marty, you are my best boy.
Oh, Marty!
I have too many memories to say them all.
(SORROWFUL MUSIC)
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
I will never forget...
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
..tomorrow couldn't possibly be better than today
but somehow, it always is.
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
Thank you, Marty.
You are my best boy.
♪ I step off the train... ♪
Oh, um... Why did you bring the shovel back?
I don't know! Do we need it?
Yes! Yes. Bring it.
♪ ..past your door
♪ But you don't live there anymore
♪ It's years since you've been there... ♪
Um, should we just...put him in?
Yeah. Oh, she wants me to say...
Oh, wait - his favourite toy. Oh, shit.
Huh? Shit.
What? Her what? Oh.
♪ You've found some better place
♪ And I miss you... ♪
Goodbye, good boy.
♪ Like the deserts miss the rain
♪ And I miss you
♪ Like the deserts miss the rain
♪ Could you be dead... ♪
He doesn't fit.
You don't think... He should definitely...
I mean, he doesn't. Um...OK. Well...
Do you want... Should I just, um... I don't know. No. God! Oh, my god.
I can't.
Come on, boy.
(GRUNTS) OK.
♪ And I can only see you shout down to me
♪ Where I always... ♪
Shit. Shit. What? What?
People. People! Where?
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)
♪ Like the deserts miss the rain... ♪
OK. Go. Yes. Are they...?
♪ Like the deserts miss the rain
♪ And I miss you
♪ Like the deserts miss the rain
♪ And I miss you
♪ Like the deserts miss the rain. ♪
♪ Back on that train... ♪
Goodnight, Roland.
♪ I ask, why did I come again?
♪ Can I confess
♪ I've been hanging round your old address?
♪ And the years have proved
♪ To offer nothing since you've moved
♪ You're long gone
♪ But I can't move on
♪ And I miss you... ♪