WEBVTT

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Can't understand

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Why we treat each other in this way

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Taking up time

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With the silly, silly games we play

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We've got our love

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And no matter how it's said or done

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We are one

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No matter what we do, we are one

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Our love will see us through
We are one

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And that's the way it is, we are one

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Ladies and gentlemen, Hampton University.

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Welcome home, Ms. Wanda Sykes.

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Please, please take a seat.

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Thank you, Hampton. Thank y'all so much.

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I love y'all.
I love you, I love you, I love you.

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Thank you so much.

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I'm home, y'all.

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This is amazing.
It's… It's good to be back.

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You know, it's been a minute.

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I'm sure y'all like me,
campus has changed.

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I can't find shit.

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I'm like…

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We didn't have all this when I was here.

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I mean, the student center,
the cafeteria is amazing.

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You see these kids,
they got all these options now. Yeah.

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What the hell is that?
Vegan, here's the gluten-free stuff.

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They got… They… They…
They even got a he, she, they.

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We ain't had that when I was here.

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We ain't had that option. We…

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There was only one choice you had to make
when I was here.

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Gravy, baby?

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That was it. That was it.

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It was about the gravy.

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And don't sleep. You better pay attention,

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'cause when she go, "Gravy, baby?"
if you distracted, you gonna get gravy.

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You gonna… She gonna… "Mm."

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Gravy, baby?

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Oh, I guess I got gravy on my fruit cup.

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I ain't see that coming.

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So… Man, I… I feel like
I can breathe a little bit being here.

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You know, right?

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I don't know about y'all,

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but what the hell's going on
out there now?

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Boy, I feel like I've been stuck
in the shittiest escape room ever.

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I can't figure it out.

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All the clues have been redacted.

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I mean, what is this?
What are we living, y'all?

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I mean, the… the… the show
Stranger Things ain't got shit on us.

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'Cause at least that show has
some logic to it.

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You know what I'm saying?
Like, they had The Upside Down world.

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Shoot, you flip this bitch upside down,

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it'll be raining racist grifters
and pedophiles. It'd be like…

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Girl, a billionaire just fell
through my roof.

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How we gonna get out of here?

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There's nowhere…

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We need Harriet Tubman
to get us out this bitch.

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This administration is so incompetent.

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In the files, they released the names
of the Epstein survivors.

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Come on, man.
Like, how do you screw up redacting?

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That… That's just crossing shit out.

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That… That's pre-K.

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You know what I'm saying?
Like, uh, when in doubt, cross it out.

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Maybe they ran out of ink
crossing all the Trumps out.

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Maybe that was it, you know?

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Oh yeah, you know he's in there.
He's in there. He's…

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What… We… We knew before the files
were even released that he was in there.

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We saw the pictures,
him all chummy chummy with Epstein

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and, you know, video of him
at that party with Epstein. And he…

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Biting his bottom lip.

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When you bite your bottom lip,
that's some lascivious shit right there.

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You… You up to no good
when you biting that bottom lip.

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You're like, "Mm, I'm gonna
fuck something up. Yeah, mm."

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You see somebody walking towards you
with they bottom lip like this, run.

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Get out of there.

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They mean you no good.

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I can't believe I'm gonna say this, y'all.

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But I miss 2016 Trump.

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Baby Trump seems cute now.

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You know, we just had to humor him.

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Yeah… "Oh, I'm gonna build a wall."

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Oh, you gonna build a wall?

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Yes, you are gonna build a wall.

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You gonna build
a big, beautiful wall, aren't you?

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Uh-huh.

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"And I'm gonna lock her up."

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That's right. Lock her up.

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Lock her up.

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Lock her up.

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Lock her up. Lock…

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That Trump was harmless 'cause
we had the guardrails up on his crib.

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You know.

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This Trump, there is no supervision.

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This man is off the rails.

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You see he posted that shit
about the Obamas?

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He posted the Obamas as apes.
What the hell, y'all?

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I mean, even racists were like,
"Now that's too far."

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You're the president, show some decorum.

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And there's no decorum anymore.

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All these politicians just cursing.
Everybody's cursing.

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That's my job. I…

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Chuck Schumer out there,
"You fuck off!" I'm like, "Hey, hey."

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Trump got them all cursin'.

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You… You know it's bad

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when… when the State of the Union is
about to come on, you like,

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"Oh, here come the president.
Get them kids out the room."

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"Get the kids out of the room."

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We used to have standards, y'all.

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There was a… There was a bar,
a high bar, right?

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Remember Howard Dean?

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Howard Dean, yeah, yeah,
Democratic candidate, right?

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He ruined his career.

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2004, he ruined his career.

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It wasn't scandal.
No, it wasn't a scandal.

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It was over-exuberance.

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Because he screamed weird.

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He did well in the Iowa caucus,
and he got a little too excited.

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He's like, "And then we're gonna go
all the way to the White House, yeah!"

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And he did that, "Yeah!"

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And everybody was like,
"The fuck you yah-ing about?"

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Ruined his career, over.

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We went from, you can't "yeah" to this.

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"I just grab 'em by the pussy. Mm."

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This man is…

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Y'all, Trump believes,
because of the Civil Rights Act,

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that white people
have been treated unfairly.

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He even got a 1-800 number.

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This is true.
So they can report their hardship

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and file for reparations.

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Can you believe that shit? What the hell?

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I mean, what… what… what more
do they want? Man, come on.

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Okay, first you steal our music,
now you want our justice too?

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I don't want this 800 number shit.

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My family's white.

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They'd be reporting my ass every day.

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I can see my son calling now.

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"Yeah, this Black woman
won't give me a PlayStation."

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You better not be on that phone again.

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Yeah, I… I have a white family.
My… my… my wife is white.

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Uh, well, she's… she's French.

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She's French,
but you know if shit goes down…

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And we have twins, Olivia and Lucas.
They're 16 now.

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You know, they're…
they're… they're white too, yeah.

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Yeah.

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Black excellence.
You're looking at it right here.

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Well, unfortunately, racism,

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it is in this fabric
of the country, right?

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It's in… It's here, and it's…

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Remember, it hasn't been that long

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since, like, during
the Civil Rights Movement, right?

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And our people were out there
marching peacefully.

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And that… that…
those people in that angry mob

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who were yelling stuff
and… and just evil stuff

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and… and… and spitting on them,

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some of them are still alive.

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And they had kids.

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And you know they indoctrinated those kids
with that same hate.

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Yeah. One image
that really stuck out, uh, to me,

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I was watching, uh, Eyes on the Prize,

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and, uh, there was
a… a… a little white boy

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standing out there with a clarinet.

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And he was playing "Dixie."
And he was just out there…

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Now, first of all,
the clarinet is an evil instrument.

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We can all agree.

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Any parent who's been in the house

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with a child learning an instrument,

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you know it's hard.

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But a clarinet,

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that's… that's a whole 'nother level
of tolerance right there.

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Like…

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But I think about that little boy because,
you know, this little boy grew up.

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And you know who I think he is today?

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Lindsey Graham.

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He had his pinkies up
when he was playing too.

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This is just an ugly administration, man.

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You… Y'all see Pam Bondi testifying
in front of Congress?

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I should say
testi-lying in front of Congress?

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Just, I mean, she was just ugly.

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Just, I mean… just…
You… You know what? Here's the thing.

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I never wanna hear
the phrase "angry Black woman" ever again.

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Don't… just… uh-uh.

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Nope.

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Nah.

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Not accepting that.

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I mean, Bondi,

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Noem, Leavitt. Phew.

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These are white women on steroids.

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You know what I'm saying? I'd be like,
they… they put Karens to shame.

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Karens like, "Oh shit, here they come.
Go, move."

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Karens be doing shit like,

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"Um, you know,
I called the cops on this Black man."

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"He was napping."

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That ain't nothin' what… what they doing.

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Noem is like,
"I sent a Puerto Rican to the Congo."

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It rough, man.

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But here's the thing,
like, women, just, like, imagine,

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like, if… if we all got on the same page
and worked together,

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we could run everything.

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We could.

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But, I mean…
but we know that's impossible.

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'Cause the only time you see
white women working together

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is in synchronized swimming.

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They in sync in that pool, boy. They…

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Well, Black women,
you know, we check each other, right?

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And if one of us gets out of line,
pfft, we just write you off.

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You done. Right?

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Nicki Mi-who?

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I don't… I don't know her.

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Everybody's like, "Well, Wanda,
we have to make it to the midterms."

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I'm like, "You really think
we're gonna survive to the midterms?"

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Not with RFK Jr.
as our secretary of health.

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This non-vaccine mug, what the hell?

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I mean, come on, man.

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He got old diseases coming back.

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Shit that we already cured is back.

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Measles is back.

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In a… In a few more months,

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we going to be sounding
like an old western or something.

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"Hey, Wanda,
what happened to your sister?"

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"Oh, she died of consumption."

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Shoot.

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What…

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Shit.

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Look, soon as I heard that he was
the nominee, I didn't hesitate.

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I ran down to the CVS.

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I was like, "Okay, uh,
I'm gonna need like three shingles."

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"Uh, give me two COVID shots."

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"Uh, what else you got back there?
You got any tetracycline back there?"

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"Give me some of that."

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I knew where this shit was heading.

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This man stays in office any longer,
boy, you gonna go to the pharmacy,

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and behind the counter, it's just going
to be mason jars with shit in it.

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Just labels, and…

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You walk in there,
your eye's just oozing and shit.

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You like, "Uh, I don't know
what's going on with my eye."

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The pharmacist be like,
"Oh, wait, wait, hold on."

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"One sec, one sec, one sec."

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"Ah. Ah, yeah."

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Messed up. I'm telling you.

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The germs and the… the plague
or whatever don't get us,

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now we got to worry about ICE. Yeah.

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Yeah. ICE is out here now.

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Now, here's the thing.

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They're… They're… They're supposed to be
going after violent criminals, right?

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That's… That's what they said.
They're gonna get violent criminals

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who aren't supposed to be here,
get them off the streets.

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Now, I'm like, okay,
I'm… I'm down with that.

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But here's the thing.

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I… I want all violent criminals
off the street.

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If somebody came up to me
and just started stabbing me,

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I'm not gonna be like… "Ah."

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"Ooh."

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"Wait… Wait a minute."

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"Where you from?"

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"You stab like a Guatemalan."

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They're supposed to be looking for
violent criminals, right?

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So what… where…
where are they looking, huh?

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They're going to restaurants
in the kitchen.

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'Cause, you know, violent criminals,
they make a great sous-chef.

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ICE is staking out
at the… at the courthouse,

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you know, catching people
coming out their hearings.

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'Cause you know violent criminals,
they show up for them cases. They…

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That paperwork is in order.

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They're going out,
hiding out at the… at the Home Depots.

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That's where they're searching.
Yeah, ICE is in front at the Home Depot.

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'Cause we all know violent criminals,
they love a good DIY project.

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Get the hell out of here.

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Fake-ass ICE agents.

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They ain't nothing
but pardoned January 6th insurrectionists.

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That's who they are.

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Fake-ass agents.

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Went down to the surplus store
and bought them little tight-ass vests.

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How… How the fuck
you hopping out a Ford Focus

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to go capture somebody?

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But they're supposed to be protecting us.

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But they're killing Americans
is what they're doing.

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Killing Americans.

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Minnesota, Alex Pretti.

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That man, unarmed,
a… a VA nurse, killed him,

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executed him right there.

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Renee Good, a mother.

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Yeah, in her car.

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Executed her in her car.

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And… And then called her
a "fucking bitch" afterwards.

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That's what the agent called her
right in front of her wife.

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Yeah. Yeah.

21:00.676 --> 21:03.262
So lesbians, you know what we gotta do.

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We gotta call Subaru and be like, "Hey."

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Uh…

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"Let me ask y'all something."

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"Can you make an armored Outback?"

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They going off in these streets, man.

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But we out there, man.
People, we… we… we out there protesting.

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Okay, when… when I say "we,"
I mean white people.

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White people are out there protesting.

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I ain't taking my Black ass out there. No.

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We ain't doing that.

21:44.678 --> 21:46.930
We read Project 2025.

21:49.725 --> 21:51.268
We knew what was up.

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They want us out there
so they can escalate shit. Mm-mm, no.

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White people, this is on you.

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This… This is a…
This is a you thing right here.

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This… We ain't going out there.

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You know what's funny?
We didn't even have a meeting about it.

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There… There wasn't
no text chain or nothin'. We…

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You just felt it, right?

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I mean, every time
I think about going to protest,

22:18.503 --> 22:21.423
it's like I hear from my ancestors.
"Sit your Black ass down."

22:21.506 --> 22:22.424
I'm like, "Okay."

22:38.648 --> 22:40.734
White folks, if you want us out there,

22:40.817 --> 22:43.570
you get… you gotta show us
that you… you really mean this.

22:43.653 --> 22:44.780
Like, ten toes down.

22:44.863 --> 22:48.241
You gotta, you know…
You… You gotta do some shit like we do.

22:48.325 --> 22:52.120
You, you know…
Tear up something that you love. You know?

22:55.457 --> 22:57.626
If I see a Wegmans on fire…

23:08.804 --> 23:10.889
You firebomb a Supercuts…

23:16.061 --> 23:20.107
But until then,
we gonna be… we gonna be right behind you.

23:20.190 --> 23:23.819
Okay, not… not physically behind you.
We gonna… We gonna like your posts.

23:23.902 --> 23:27.406
We gonna be online.
I'm gonna like all your posts.

23:27.906 --> 23:29.741
I might even comment…

23:32.327 --> 23:35.414
heart, you know, strong arm, you know.

23:37.082 --> 23:40.168
People of my generation,
white folks, y'all… y'all been out there.

23:40.252 --> 23:43.130
You've done it before.
You… You've been protesting before.

23:43.213 --> 23:46.258
Yeah, but it… but it's the younger people
I worry about.

23:46.341 --> 23:48.093
Y'all… Y'all gotta train.

23:48.176 --> 23:49.970
Like, you gotta be ready
for that pepper spray.

23:50.053 --> 23:54.766
So I want you to just put hot sauce
on everything. Just hot sauce.

23:58.437 --> 24:00.105
In the morning when you brush your teeth,

24:00.188 --> 24:03.483
just… just shoot yourself in the face
with your Waterpik. Just…

24:09.114 --> 24:12.242
Fuck it, walk through a car wash.
Mm-mm, you know.

24:43.106 --> 24:46.109
But, you know, I think we're here because…

24:46.193 --> 24:49.696
we're in this situation
because the Republicans did a better job

24:49.779 --> 24:52.782
connecting with
the working-class people. They did.

24:52.866 --> 24:54.201
Yeah, the Dems, oh my God.

24:54.284 --> 24:55.911
You was just… just listening to them like,

24:55.994 --> 25:00.081
"Oh, I don't understand.
How did we lose the uneducated vote?"

25:00.165 --> 25:03.668
Like, well, maybe if you stop
calling them uneducated,

25:04.711 --> 25:06.004
that could help.

25:07.088 --> 25:08.840
That's why whoever runs next,

25:08.924 --> 25:11.718
I want them to… to be able
to connect with everyone.

25:11.801 --> 25:15.847
They… They gotta be like
one generation from… from being broke.

25:16.806 --> 25:19.643
I want them to know
about being broke, you know?

25:19.726 --> 25:21.686
Here's… Here's the prerequisite.

25:21.770 --> 25:25.941
If you don't have the Western Union app
on your phone, you can't run.

25:29.402 --> 25:32.030
Oh, here's another thing.

25:32.113 --> 25:35.158
If you drive a Cybertruck, you're a dick.

25:36.868 --> 25:38.995
And we all think you're a dick.

25:56.429 --> 25:58.306
It's greed, man. It's greed.

25:58.390 --> 26:00.976
These some greedy people, boy. Greed.

26:02.018 --> 26:03.895
And… And because of greed,

26:04.396 --> 26:05.981
we're all cashiers now.

26:07.482 --> 26:08.942
How did that happen?

26:09.025 --> 26:12.696
See, they're going through,
and they… they cut out working-class jobs.

26:12.779 --> 26:14.739
And they make us do it. Yeah.

26:14.823 --> 26:18.618
We're… And how did they…
how did they slow-walk us into that one?

26:19.369 --> 26:23.248
I… I remember like maybe 15, 20 years ago,
you… you went to your store,

26:23.331 --> 26:27.252
and there was a little kiosk,
a little self-checkout kiosk.

26:27.335 --> 26:32.173
And our curious asses were like,
"Ooh, I'mma go play cashier."

26:36.428 --> 26:40.890
'Cause a cashier was a real job
with benefits. You in… in there, boop.

26:40.974 --> 26:45.103
Like, "Ooh, I did it."
Now you're doing it. That's your job.

26:47.606 --> 26:49.691
You can't find real people now.

26:49.774 --> 26:53.320
Yeah, it's all self-checkout.
You know what really annoys me?

26:53.403 --> 26:55.989
When there's a line at the self-checkout.

26:57.240 --> 27:01.161
I'm like, "I am waiting in line
to work here for free."

27:02.912 --> 27:04.748
What in the hell is this?

27:06.291 --> 27:09.085
Then they got you snitching on yourselves.

27:09.586 --> 27:11.755
"How many bags did you use?"

27:16.426 --> 27:19.471
"Two." What the fuck?

27:20.388 --> 27:22.515
We should be stealing
is what we should do.

27:22.599 --> 27:25.727
'Cause they… That's what they doing.
They making you steal.

27:25.810 --> 27:28.188
So they got to bring the real people back.

27:28.980 --> 27:31.316
And it's not stealing. You work there.

27:38.365 --> 27:41.409
You're not taking
some entry-level position.

27:42.160 --> 27:45.038
Be the store manager.
I have sales all the time.

27:45.121 --> 27:46.665
"Store manager sale."

27:47.248 --> 27:48.333
It's a…

27:49.167 --> 27:50.835
"Buy one, get one free."

27:53.588 --> 27:54.673
Boop.

28:10.647 --> 28:12.649
They taking all the jobs, man.

28:12.732 --> 28:15.276
All the working-class jobs, right?

28:15.360 --> 28:17.904
Like even delivery, uh, services now.

28:17.987 --> 28:20.740
Now in LA, we have these little carts.

28:21.282 --> 28:22.992
You've seen the… Yeah. The… the little…

28:23.076 --> 28:24.536
It's like a little shopping cart.

28:24.619 --> 28:26.663
And it's… It's a little robot,
and you order stuff.

28:26.746 --> 28:29.040
And they put it in the cart
and they send it to your house.

28:29.124 --> 28:31.584
I'm like, "Don't… Don't send
that shit to my house."

28:32.085 --> 28:33.878
"I want a real person."

28:33.962 --> 28:36.548
You know, I almost killed myself
the first time I saw the cart

28:36.631 --> 28:40.051
'cause I didn't know what it was
and it was heading into traffic.

28:40.135 --> 28:42.929
And I was like, "Oh Lord,
the baby stroller." Then I'm like…

28:52.647 --> 28:54.649
Only time I would use that,

28:54.733 --> 28:58.486
if you could, like… Something useful.
Like you could order up an ass-whooping.

28:58.570 --> 28:59.737
I'd do that.

29:01.990 --> 29:05.201
Wouldn't that be cool?
You could send somebody an ass-whooping.

29:07.203 --> 29:08.746
You open it, open your door,

29:08.830 --> 29:11.624
motherfucker jump out and just slap
the shit out of you. They'd be like…

29:16.463 --> 29:18.047
"Brenda says hi."

29:22.051 --> 29:23.928
They climb back in the cart. Mm.

29:26.389 --> 29:29.476
Oh, I'd be ordering
ass-whoopings all the time.

29:29.559 --> 29:33.688
I'd be there, "Mm, 1600 Pennsylvania Ave."

29:42.071 --> 29:45.658
You know what kills me is, like,
when greed is… is masked,

29:45.742 --> 29:48.453
uh, as, uh, benevolence, you know?

29:48.536 --> 29:51.122
Like, you… you go to a store,
and they ask you that question,

29:51.206 --> 29:55.001
"Would you like to round up
and donate to our charity?"

29:56.336 --> 29:57.587
The nerve.

29:58.671 --> 30:02.008
You want me to give you
more money for cha--?

30:02.091 --> 30:05.595
I'll take a note of the charity,
and I'll donate myself.

30:05.678 --> 30:09.641
How about that? I'll donate it myself
and get the tax write-off.

30:10.350 --> 30:13.394
I mean, 'cause… And if…
And if you want to be so charitable,

30:13.478 --> 30:17.232
why… why don't you ask me
if… if I want to round down?

30:25.156 --> 30:26.324
Hotels do it.

30:26.824 --> 30:28.368
Yeah, hotels do it.

30:28.451 --> 30:32.705
"Hey, you know, we're thinking
about the planet. Why don't you reuse?"

30:32.789 --> 30:34.582
"Hang that towel back up."

30:34.666 --> 30:37.001
You know, "We don't… We don't change
the sheets every night."

30:37.085 --> 30:40.755
"You have to request that
'cause we're thinking about the planet."

30:40.839 --> 30:44.050
Like, no you're not. You're thinking about
your water bill and employees.

30:44.133 --> 30:45.843
That's what you're thinking about.

30:47.554 --> 30:49.973
'Cause if you want to encourage
people being green,

30:50.056 --> 30:51.724
you will give me a little green discount,

30:51.808 --> 30:54.978
a little… a little…
a little something off of my room, right?

30:55.061 --> 30:57.313
'Cause I'm green. I'm green at home.

30:57.397 --> 30:59.524
At home, I sleep in my same sheets

30:59.607 --> 31:02.402
until the fitted sheet flies off the bed,
you know?

31:03.695 --> 31:08.324
The fitted sheet just gets so tired
and worn out.

31:08.408 --> 31:11.035
It just… Oh, it just…
The rubber just gives away.

31:11.119 --> 31:13.121
Just like, "Oh boy, shit."

31:13.204 --> 31:16.875
You go get into bed, pull the covers back,
you're like, "Where my fitted sheet at?"

31:17.917 --> 31:21.588
"Oh, it's at the foot of the bed.
I'll be damned."

31:23.923 --> 31:26.509
I'll use the same towel at home, you know?

31:26.593 --> 31:31.681
I'm in there, like, with the towel, like,
"Ow, shit. Did I… Did I break my skin?"

31:31.764 --> 31:34.976
Towel feeling like a loofah.
You're like, "Oh boy."

31:35.059 --> 31:37.020
"Am I bleeding? What the hell?"

31:38.771 --> 31:42.984
But if I'm paying full price
for a hotel room, I'm using all that shit.

31:43.067 --> 31:45.904
I'm in there, towel for my right titty.

31:45.987 --> 31:47.947
Towel for my left titty.

31:48.990 --> 31:52.785
Ass towel, ass towel,
ass towel, ass towel.

32:03.630 --> 32:06.674
Then I call downstairs,
"I need some more towels."

32:09.510 --> 32:11.512
"My cooch is still a little damp."

32:13.973 --> 32:15.600
"And change my bed."

32:23.399 --> 32:25.401
I was in a… a hotel in New Orleans,

32:25.485 --> 32:28.780
and this, uh… the… the housekeeper came
to change my bed, right?

32:28.863 --> 32:30.323
Service my room.

32:30.406 --> 32:34.035
So I… I opened the door,
and it was a young girl,

32:34.118 --> 32:37.789
but she… she was sweating,
just, like… just profusely, just sweating.

32:37.872 --> 32:41.542
And I'm looking at her, and I'm like, "Mm,
I don't think I got a vaccine for this."

32:41.626 --> 32:43.294
"I don't know what she got."

32:45.588 --> 32:47.173
And I couldn't let her in my room,

32:47.256 --> 32:49.509
you know… you… you know,
all that sweat dripping.

32:49.592 --> 32:52.053
And I… And I just pictured her
changing my bed,

32:52.136 --> 32:53.972
fighting with that pillowcase. You know…

32:58.518 --> 33:00.103
You know, just sweat flying.

33:02.063 --> 33:04.440
So I had to think fast.
I was like, you know what?

33:04.524 --> 33:07.735
I'm gonna grab my… my towels
and my… my… my linen,

33:07.819 --> 33:09.821
and I'm… I'mma do it myself, okay?

33:09.904 --> 33:12.573
So I went to the car and got my shit,
and as I'm walking back,

33:12.657 --> 33:16.869
she's like, "Ms. Sykes, are you sure?"
I was like, "Yeah, girl, I got this."

33:16.953 --> 33:19.122
"I was a cashier yesterday."

33:26.504 --> 33:27.547
It's greed.

33:28.047 --> 33:29.382
You know, like, recording artists,

33:29.465 --> 33:32.260
they… they don't make money
selling records anymore.

33:32.343 --> 33:34.721
No, uh-uh, that's why they have to tour.

33:34.804 --> 33:36.889
Because the… the downloads
and the streams,

33:36.973 --> 33:39.225
they get like a fraction of a penny.

33:39.308 --> 33:42.687
So that's why we, you know,
got all these great shows out here,

33:42.770 --> 33:45.356
because you gotta, you know…
they gotta make their money touring.

33:45.440 --> 33:49.819
And, you know, it's… it's good for us,
but then again, not so good.

33:50.445 --> 33:53.239
Yeah, I… I can't tell you
how many of my friends

33:53.322 --> 33:55.616
went to that New Edition concert

33:56.617 --> 34:00.121
and acted a fool
thinking they could still do them steps.

34:01.372 --> 34:02.290
They out there.

34:12.925 --> 34:15.136
And the next day you see them,
they in a boot.

34:15.219 --> 34:18.556
Girl, I tore myself up
at that damn New Edition concert.

34:19.390 --> 34:24.896
Oh boy. Oh boy, I thought I had it.
I ain't got it… I ain't got it no more.

34:29.567 --> 34:32.236
Whew.

34:34.072 --> 34:36.824
I'm doing too much physical shit, shit.

34:36.908 --> 34:40.369
The fuck I write
these jokes for, good Lord.

34:42.038 --> 34:44.707
It's time we do some sit-down comedy.

34:50.630 --> 34:55.384
We in our sixties, man. I don't know
about y'all, but sixties hit different.

34:55.468 --> 34:59.263
Like, first of all, where's all this gas
coming from? What the hell?

35:00.848 --> 35:02.600
Just gassy for no reason.

35:02.683 --> 35:05.853
Just… Gas just come anywhere. Just…

35:05.937 --> 35:09.857
And… And… And you gotta focus
on not farting in public. You do.

35:09.941 --> 35:11.943
If you… If you let your mind relax…

35:16.405 --> 35:19.700
They just fly out, just…

35:19.784 --> 35:20.868
Just…

35:25.832 --> 35:28.751
I'm like, where's
all this gas coming from?

35:29.794 --> 35:31.462
It don't make no sense.

35:31.546 --> 35:35.883
Like, one of my friends,
she's a CEO of a big company.

35:35.967 --> 35:40.138
She was like, "Girl, I was in a meeting,
and… and I stood up,

35:40.221 --> 35:42.265
and… and gas, I passed gas."

35:42.765 --> 35:44.058
"Just…"

35:44.767 --> 35:49.438
I was like, "Well… Well, what did you do?"
She said, "I said, 'Meeting's adjourned.'"

35:58.239 --> 36:00.992
I was like, "I bet it was. Yeah."

36:01.075 --> 36:03.619
I said, "Now you gotta end
all your meetings like that."

36:03.703 --> 36:06.581
That's… You gotta just stay with it.

36:08.958 --> 36:10.877
I'm telling you, boy, you know,
when you younger,

36:10.960 --> 36:12.753
you gotta work on that Kegel muscle.

36:12.837 --> 36:14.881
You gotta do those Kegel exercises.

36:14.964 --> 36:17.216
When you get older, mm, that sphincter,

36:17.300 --> 36:20.720
you gotta… mm, mm,
'cause… 'cause they just…

36:20.803 --> 36:21.929
…boy.

36:23.097 --> 36:26.767
You don't know it until, like, if you…
unless you talking to somebody.

36:26.851 --> 36:29.187
And you see it on their face
'cause you're talking,

36:29.270 --> 36:32.023
and you're like, "Yeah, girl."
And all of a sudden, they do this.

36:34.817 --> 36:36.360
And step back.

36:36.444 --> 36:39.030
When they step back, yeah, you passed gas.

36:39.113 --> 36:41.532
You did. You… Just own it.

36:41.616 --> 36:43.910
Just like, "Yeah, that was…
that was me, yeah."

36:46.287 --> 36:47.205
"That was me."

36:49.081 --> 36:51.709
"Meeting's adjourned.
Meeting's adjourned." Just…

36:57.006 --> 36:58.883
Sleeping is hard now.

36:59.592 --> 37:03.304
I don't know why I… I can't fall asleep.
It's hard to fall asleep.

37:03.387 --> 37:04.472
I'm… I'm on a group text

37:04.555 --> 37:09.060
with… with, uh, like,
four other Hamptonians in… in my class,

37:09.143 --> 37:13.356
and, man, it…
…at like, 2:30 in the morning,

37:13.439 --> 37:15.733
somebody'll text, um…

37:15.816 --> 37:18.194
"Do y'all marinate your lamb chops…

37:20.655 --> 37:21.739
…or rub them?"

37:22.323 --> 37:25.785
And I'm like, "Oh,
I prefer to do a rub myself."

37:27.870 --> 37:29.538
It's 2:30 in the morning!

37:35.127 --> 37:37.755
And when I wanna stay awake,
I fall asleep.

37:38.756 --> 37:40.258
Every time I go to the movies,

37:40.341 --> 37:43.552
I sit there,
and I'm like, "Well, here's a $42 nap."

37:47.556 --> 37:48.391
Out.

37:50.518 --> 37:53.896
Everybody's like,
"Ooh, I saw Sinners three times

37:53.980 --> 37:57.066
just so I could understand
all the symbolism."

37:57.149 --> 38:01.237
I was like, "I saw it four times
just so I could see it." It took me…

38:04.365 --> 38:06.242
I'm in there… …out.

38:06.325 --> 38:08.452
I was at home watching something,

38:08.536 --> 38:11.038
and… and I was trying to stay awake,
but I couldn't.

38:11.122 --> 38:13.958
I kept falling asleep,
so I changed chairs.

38:14.041 --> 38:16.419
I said, "You know, I'm gonna get
this dining room chair."

38:17.169 --> 38:19.171
"I ain't gonna fall asleep in this."

38:19.255 --> 38:20.464
Five minutes in…

38:23.050 --> 38:27.054
And… And the way my head fell
in that straight-backed chair,

38:27.138 --> 38:30.641
I… I cut my air off, so I was like…

38:32.310 --> 38:34.729
And my brain was like, "Wake up, wake up!"

38:35.813 --> 38:38.065
"We can't breathe.
Wake up. You're killing us."

38:38.149 --> 38:42.778
And I was like, "I can't.
I'm in such a deep sleep, I can't."

38:42.862 --> 38:45.448
I had to throw myself off the chair.

38:59.045 --> 39:01.088
I almost killed myself.

39:08.929 --> 39:12.516
Trying to eat better, you know,
trying to do that, you know.

39:12.600 --> 39:14.894
But, uh, Esther's… Esther's not having it.

39:14.977 --> 39:17.563
Uh, for… for… for those of you
who don't know,

39:17.646 --> 39:21.192
this… this fat roll here
popped up when I was 40,

39:21.275 --> 39:23.736
and she's staying around. She's…

39:24.945 --> 39:27.531
Esther is not going anywhere.

39:27.615 --> 39:30.076
Esther loves bread,
alcohol, and cheesecake.

39:30.159 --> 39:31.744
That's her favorite.

39:31.827 --> 39:34.205
Mm, give me some cheesecake.

39:36.832 --> 39:39.710
Esther's… Esther's been
a little down lately, though.

39:39.794 --> 39:41.796
She's been a little depressed, you know.

39:41.879 --> 39:43.631
'Cause yeah, she… Every time that…

39:43.714 --> 39:46.550
Every time that…
that Ozempic commercial comes on,

39:47.259 --> 39:49.220
she… I hear her…

39:52.264 --> 39:54.433
I'm like, "Esther, what's wrong with you?"
She goes…

39:54.517 --> 39:57.186
"All my friends are gone."

40:03.943 --> 40:07.613
No, I'm the only one in my family
who uses a washcloth.

40:10.199 --> 40:11.033
Now…

40:15.329 --> 40:17.790
I don't know if it's a French thing

40:18.290 --> 40:21.502
or a white thing or just a nasty thing.

40:21.585 --> 40:23.170
I don't know what it is.

40:26.340 --> 40:28.717
I remember the first time
Alex came to visit me,

40:28.801 --> 40:31.637
you know, I put the… the… the towels out.

40:31.720 --> 40:34.348
Bath towel, hand towel, washcloth.

40:34.432 --> 40:35.724
It's a set.

40:38.727 --> 40:42.857
And after a couple of days,
I… I noticed the washcloth was fresh.

40:42.940 --> 40:44.942
So I was like, "Hey, Alex, babe,

40:45.025 --> 40:48.571
did you… you see
I got a washcloth here for you?"

40:48.654 --> 40:51.115
And she was like…
"Oh, non, merci."

40:52.992 --> 40:55.369
"You know, we… we don't use those things."

40:55.453 --> 40:56.829
"We, uh… I don't know."

40:56.912 --> 41:00.499
"We just… It's… It's just not
the thing we do. Non, merci."

41:00.583 --> 41:02.251
I'm like, "Well, what… what do you do?"

41:02.334 --> 41:05.880
She's like, "Oh, you know,
just, uh, put a little savon."

41:05.963 --> 41:09.425
"Uh, you know, dans ta main, comme ça.
You just, you know…"

41:09.508 --> 41:10.885
"Doo-doo-doo."

41:11.552 --> 41:12.970
"Doo-doo-doo."

41:13.554 --> 41:14.889
"Doo-doo-doo."

41:15.598 --> 41:17.391
"Doo-doo-doo."

41:17.475 --> 41:18.684
"Et voilà."

41:22.605 --> 41:27.401
I'm like, "All right, well, you know,
it works. So, okay, all right, cool."

41:27.484 --> 41:30.488
So then it was my turn
to go meet her family, right?

41:30.571 --> 41:34.116
So we… we fly to Paris,
and we're staying at her… at her mom's.

41:34.200 --> 41:35.576
So I get there, long flight.

41:35.659 --> 41:38.412
I say, "Hey, babe, I want to jump
in the shower, you know, freshen up."

41:38.496 --> 41:42.416
"Can I get a washcloth, please?"
And she's like, "Mon cœur, non."

41:42.958 --> 41:45.044
"I told you, no. We… We don't, uh…"

41:45.127 --> 41:47.129
"We don't have those."

41:48.088 --> 41:51.050
"We… We don't, uh, use those things, no."

41:51.133 --> 41:53.177
I'm like, "You sure?
Did you ask your mother?"

41:53.260 --> 41:55.012
"I told…"

41:56.305 --> 41:57.348
"Maman,

41:58.682 --> 42:03.520
uh, est-ce que tu as une petite serviette
comme ça pour Wanda?"

42:03.604 --> 42:07.024
"Non? Non, non, non, non. Non."

42:10.277 --> 42:12.196
"Elle dit non, je dis non, non."

42:12.279 --> 42:13.531
"Mon cœur, just…"

42:14.031 --> 42:15.366
"Doo-doo-doo."

42:15.449 --> 42:16.742
"Doo-doo-doo."

42:16.825 --> 42:17.868
"Doo-doo-doo."

42:18.410 --> 42:19.286
"Doo-doo-doo."

42:20.037 --> 42:20.996
"Allez."

42:25.918 --> 42:28.337
I'm like… Get in the shower,
I'm like, "This is some bullshit."

42:28.420 --> 42:29.922
"This is what this is."

42:36.345 --> 42:38.389
I get in the shower, and I'm like…

42:39.848 --> 42:41.267
Doo-doo-doo…

42:44.770 --> 42:45.896
Doo-doo-doo.

42:48.274 --> 42:49.567
Doo-doo-doo…

43:10.087 --> 43:12.172
Maybe I should wash that again.

43:13.924 --> 43:15.301
Doo-doo-doo.

43:15.926 --> 43:17.386
Doo-doo-doo.

43:17.469 --> 43:18.887
Doo-doo-doo.

43:19.388 --> 43:20.848
Doo-doo-doo…

43:21.348 --> 43:22.975
Let me really get in there.

43:23.058 --> 43:24.268
Doo-doo-doo.

43:24.351 --> 43:26.812
Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo.

43:26.895 --> 43:28.022
Doo-doo-doo.

43:28.105 --> 43:31.525
Doo-doo-doo-ooh!

43:44.872 --> 43:45.956
Voilà.

43:54.590 --> 43:57.092
I'm throwing away all my washcloths.

44:01.597 --> 44:05.934
But you know what I noticed is
that, um, my skin didn't get dry.

44:06.018 --> 44:07.895
You know,
it was like I… I… I didn't need lotion.

44:07.978 --> 44:09.647
I guess when you use a washcloth,

44:09.730 --> 44:12.441
you're wiping off
all your natural oils, right?

44:12.524 --> 44:14.735
So I'm like, okay, this… this… this works.

44:14.818 --> 44:16.487
So I was over there for a couple of weeks,

44:16.570 --> 44:19.281
and then… then I get back here,
and I get home.

44:19.365 --> 44:21.659
And I jump in the shower,
and I grab my washcloth.

44:21.742 --> 44:25.454
And I'm in there,
washcloth, you know. All… All of that.

44:25.954 --> 44:27.706
I looked at that washcloth.

44:35.506 --> 44:38.008
It looked like I had Armor All'd my tires.

44:38.092 --> 44:42.638
I was like, "You's a dirty ho."

44:49.728 --> 44:51.980
Right.

44:52.731 --> 44:57.069
I knew Alex was ready
to take our relationship to the next level

44:57.152 --> 45:00.155
because, uh,
she wanted to get a dog, right?

45:00.239 --> 45:04.410
But she wanted to make sure
that her dog would get along with my dog

45:04.493 --> 45:06.120
because my dog, Riley, man,

45:06.203 --> 45:08.831
I had him for almost 18 years,
a border terrier.

45:08.914 --> 45:12.668
He was the best dog, my God, man.
I would… I would take him everywhere.

45:12.751 --> 45:13.836
You know, I even went online

45:13.919 --> 45:16.714
and got him one of those
bullshit service animal vests…

45:21.427 --> 45:25.264
…so he could, you know, be outside his bag
and fly everywhere. But you know what?

45:25.347 --> 45:26.849
I would put that vest on him,

45:26.932 --> 45:29.309
and that fool would,
like, act right. He'd like…

45:37.484 --> 45:39.194
'Cause you seen animals at the airport.

45:39.278 --> 45:42.030
You know damn well
they ain't no service animal.

45:42.531 --> 45:45.826
Service animals don't take a dump
in the middle of terminal two.

45:53.375 --> 45:57.296
So I take my guy, Riley,
to meet this little dog she was getting.

45:57.379 --> 46:02.134
So we get there, and they… they bring out
this little Chihuahua puppy.

46:02.217 --> 46:04.803
He had big-ass ears.
He was about this big.

46:04.887 --> 46:08.432
And Riley looked at that dog,
he was like, "Is that a dog?"

46:09.767 --> 46:11.435
I was like, "Yeah, man."

46:11.518 --> 46:15.647
And this Chihuahua, he knew he wanted
to get out of there and go home with Alex

46:15.731 --> 46:19.193
because he bent down
and picked up Riley's leash

46:19.276 --> 46:21.111
and started walking Riley around.

46:22.321 --> 46:25.282
Yeah, we were all like, "Aww."

46:25.365 --> 46:28.952
Riley was like, "Really?"

46:29.995 --> 46:31.830
"Is this what we doing?"

46:32.956 --> 46:35.209
"You gonna make me
this little rat's bitch?"

46:35.292 --> 46:36.752
"Is that what we doing?"

46:39.046 --> 46:40.756
"Is the pussy that good?"

46:47.638 --> 46:51.058
I was like, "You gonna have
to take one for the team, man."

46:51.558 --> 46:53.018
"It's hand-washed."

47:03.278 --> 47:04.321
Delicate.

47:06.865 --> 47:08.784
So we got the dogs,

47:08.867 --> 47:11.662
and… and it was time
for the kids, you know?

47:11.745 --> 47:16.291
So we talked about, you know,
parenting and… and all of that,

47:16.375 --> 47:18.460
you know, before the…
before we had the kids,

47:18.544 --> 47:20.170
and big thing that came up, Alex was like…

47:20.254 --> 47:22.297
…"Babe, so look, um…"

47:24.216 --> 47:26.927
"I… I don't want to spank the kids, okay?"

47:27.010 --> 47:29.471
"'Cause, you know,
I… I don't think we should spank."

47:29.555 --> 47:32.140
"It's just not good. So I hope you agree."

47:32.224 --> 47:34.935
"'Cause, you know,
I know of your Black-ground."

47:35.018 --> 47:36.979
I was like, "Excuse me, my what? My…"

47:39.064 --> 47:39.898
"What?"

47:42.651 --> 47:45.112
"What the fuck you say? My Black-ground?"

47:45.195 --> 47:47.739
I was like, "Not a word. Uh-uh, no."

47:47.823 --> 47:49.908
"I… I… I get
what you're trying to say though."

47:49.992 --> 47:52.452
"Like culturally, African-Americans,

47:52.536 --> 47:54.079
yeah, we… we… we spank the kids,

47:54.162 --> 47:57.374
but mm-mm, we not gonna coin that
Black-ground. Mm-mm."

48:03.714 --> 48:07.384
So we said we weren't gonna spank.
And I… I agree with her. I'm like, "Okay."

48:07.467 --> 48:09.595
And then Lucas turned three.

48:10.596 --> 48:12.347
That boy lost his mind.

48:12.431 --> 48:15.684
Everything was like, "No, no, no. No."

48:15.767 --> 48:19.521
He was like acting up at pre-K,
and he bit his sister.

48:19.605 --> 48:23.358
And one day just I had enough, you know?
I was like, "Lucas, stop. Stop."

48:23.442 --> 48:25.152
He's like, "No, no, no."

48:25.235 --> 48:28.280
So I grabbed his little ass. I was like…

48:28.363 --> 48:31.033
You know, I had to do it
on a couple of occasions too.

48:31.116 --> 48:33.911
Yeah, I was like, shit,
I'd rather spank you at three

48:33.994 --> 48:36.622
than thrust kick you in your neck at 16.

48:41.043 --> 48:44.630
I don't wanna be here
"I am Sparta" on your ass.

48:47.382 --> 48:50.844
Olivia, never had to spank her.
Never had to spank her. Yeah.

48:50.928 --> 48:54.389
Now, I… I don't condone spanking, I don't.

48:54.473 --> 48:58.852
But I will say this,
today, Lucas is the better kid.

49:02.064 --> 49:03.315
That boy listens.

49:05.025 --> 49:09.112
And that's the thing as parents is that
you gotta let them be, you know, right?

49:09.196 --> 49:11.823
Yeah, you gotta let them be.
And each kid, they're individuals.

49:11.907 --> 49:15.327
You gotta figure out what works for them.
It's not a one-size-fits-all.

49:15.410 --> 49:19.039
You know, and you don't… you don't wanna…
You don't wanna crush their joy.

49:19.122 --> 49:21.041
And I… I had a hard time with that.

49:21.124 --> 49:25.420
Because, uh…
…like, Lucas, he was outside, um,

49:25.504 --> 49:29.466
getting rid of the… the… the packaging
that the dog food comes in.

49:29.549 --> 49:31.969
That… That was… That was his thing.
He liked doing that.

49:32.052 --> 49:36.640
Because the packaging, it would, um…
You put water on it, and it dissolves.

49:36.723 --> 49:39.601
So he loved taking care of that.
So one day he was out there,

49:39.685 --> 49:42.521
and he threw the stuff in the garden.
He was watering it.

49:42.604 --> 49:46.274
And he goes,
"Oh boy, this is so satisfying."

49:48.026 --> 49:50.612
Exactly, I wanted to laugh,
and… and I wanted to tell him,

49:50.696 --> 49:53.657
"Hey, man, don't say that out loud.
You sound weird."

49:57.577 --> 50:01.123
"People gonna… People gonna laugh at you.
You don't… Don't… You can't say that."

50:01.206 --> 50:03.792
But I told myself, Wanda, let the boy be.

50:03.875 --> 50:06.837
Just leave him alone.
That's his thing, leave him alone.

50:06.920 --> 50:08.505
But it made me laugh though,

50:08.588 --> 50:11.925
because I pictured myself saying that
in front of my mother.

50:12.009 --> 50:13.760
You know, if I was a kid
out there doing that,

50:13.844 --> 50:17.013
and been like,
"Oh boy, this is so satisfying,"

50:17.514 --> 50:21.059
my mother would've made sure
that I never got to do that again.

50:23.437 --> 50:26.815
She would've been, "You give me this
and you get your butt in the house,

50:26.898 --> 50:28.483
Miss Satisfied."

50:29.985 --> 50:32.612
"It ain't supposed to be satisfying."

50:32.696 --> 50:37.159
"Wait till I tell your father,
you out here being satisfied."

50:39.286 --> 50:43.540
That've been my new nickname.
Hey, y'all, here come Miss Satisfied.

50:51.965 --> 50:56.428
Olivia's thing, she… she would go
in and out of a British accent.

50:57.345 --> 50:58.638
Yeah, that was her thing.

50:58.722 --> 51:01.516
And… and it was jarring
because you didn't know when it was…

51:01.600 --> 51:03.435
when it was coming, you know?

51:03.518 --> 51:06.396
Like, and she… I'd say,
"Oh, hey, Olivia, how was school?"

51:06.480 --> 51:07.481
"Oh, it was pretty good."

51:07.564 --> 51:09.858
"All right, cool.
You got a lot of homework?"

51:09.941 --> 51:11.401
"No, not too much, but I do have…

51:11.485 --> 51:13.612
…a bit of mathematics."

51:18.950 --> 51:21.286
What the hell is wrong with her?

51:21.870 --> 51:24.080
She would do it so often
that I googled it.

51:24.164 --> 51:27.375
I was like,
"American white kids, British accent."

51:29.211 --> 51:30.629
I got some results.

51:31.338 --> 51:33.715
It said maybe 'cause
they watched Peppa Pig.

51:33.799 --> 51:35.884
And I was like, "Nope.
They watched it in French,

51:35.967 --> 51:36.802
so that ain't it."

51:36.885 --> 51:39.387
And the next one
I thought was really interesting.

51:39.471 --> 51:43.058
They say
it's actually a… a soothing technique.

51:43.141 --> 51:44.726
Yeah, it's… it's a stress reliever

51:44.810 --> 51:47.979
for American kids
to speak in a British accent.

51:48.063 --> 51:49.898
Yeah, yeah.
I was like, "Well, that makes sense

51:49.981 --> 51:52.776
because the Brits got
healthcare and gun control."

51:59.491 --> 52:03.578
Yeah, our kids over here
doing active shooter drills.

52:03.662 --> 52:05.831
What the hell, you know?

52:05.914 --> 52:10.585
Yeah, and to all the educators out there
and future educators, God bless y'all.

52:10.669 --> 52:12.170
I love you and thank you.

52:12.254 --> 52:14.464
God bless you and what you're doing.

52:15.549 --> 52:17.217
Because it… it's wrong. It's wrong.

52:17.300 --> 52:20.262
We shouldn't be putting our kids
and our teachers through this shit.

52:20.345 --> 52:23.140
We should… Right?
It… And it's traumatizing.

52:23.223 --> 52:27.018
Lucas came home one day,
and he's like, "So we had a drill today."

52:27.102 --> 52:29.813
I was like, "Yeah, man,
I know, I got the text."

52:29.896 --> 52:32.732
He's like,
"So now they're telling us, like, um,

52:32.816 --> 52:35.443
to… to… to just lay down and play dead."

52:36.444 --> 52:38.822
He's like, "Yeah, so, what,
the shooter comes in,

52:38.905 --> 52:41.700
hasn't fired one bullet,
but we're all dead?"

52:45.537 --> 52:48.915
And he was making this face like,
"What the fuck, Mom?" Like…

52:54.796 --> 52:57.048
And it broke my heart.

52:57.132 --> 52:59.050
I was like, "Lucas,
I'm so sorry, sweetheart."

52:59.134 --> 53:00.886
"You…You shouldn't
have to go through this."

53:00.969 --> 53:04.347
"You… You know what?
Some dog food came today, here."

53:07.434 --> 53:10.395
"You go ahead out there
and satisfy yourself."

53:15.400 --> 53:17.360
"Where… Where's your sister?
Is Olivia home?"

53:17.444 --> 53:19.279
"Hey, Olivia, honey, would you like…

53:19.362 --> 53:21.239
…a spot of tea?"

53:32.459 --> 53:35.503
You wanna protect your kids, man, you do.

53:35.587 --> 53:38.798
I… You know, I… I think about,
you know, uh, like,

53:38.882 --> 53:41.927
uh, you know, Olivia, you know,
and… and… and I worry about her

53:42.010 --> 53:46.932
because how women's healthcare
is just under attack, right?

53:47.015 --> 53:49.643
I mean, all these bans…
these abortion bans out here,

53:49.726 --> 53:51.519
all you're doing is killing women.

53:51.603 --> 53:53.939
It's about controlling women.
That's what it is.

53:54.022 --> 53:57.400
They are just…
It is about controlling our bodies.

53:57.484 --> 53:59.069
That's what they want.

53:59.152 --> 54:02.822
If they were really concerned about
unwanted pregnancies,

54:02.906 --> 54:05.450
then they should be able to pass some laws

54:05.533 --> 54:07.827
where they could actively participate in…

54:07.911 --> 54:11.665
participate in curbing the issue, right,
curbing the problem.

54:11.748 --> 54:16.461
Like, why don't they pass a law
like, um, when a boy goes through puberty,

54:16.544 --> 54:19.214
he has to have a vasectomy, right?

54:21.299 --> 54:24.678
Fellas, just to show some accountability,

54:24.761 --> 54:28.515
I think all guys… y'all should get
your penis chipped and registered.

54:31.184 --> 54:33.770
So we can keep an eye on these dicks.

54:35.522 --> 54:37.899
I even want an app, Find My Dick.

54:55.166 --> 54:58.712
Guys, some of y'all are
just too fertile… too fertile, yeah.

54:58.795 --> 55:02.173
So I think we should
take you down to… to one ball. One ball.

55:02.257 --> 55:05.260
You don't need both of them.
Two balls, that's overkill.

55:05.343 --> 55:06.970
So we're gonna take one ball,

55:07.053 --> 55:10.557
and to keep your balance,
we'll replace it with a squeaky toy.

55:16.146 --> 55:17.731
That'd be fun.

55:22.360 --> 55:25.488
Oh, your dog will be so excited
when you come home.

55:33.246 --> 55:34.122
Lord.

55:36.583 --> 55:39.502
So Alex and I,
we've been together almost 20 years.

55:39.586 --> 55:41.463
Yeah, we've been together almost 20 years.

55:43.131 --> 55:45.800
Like all relationships,
there's… there's some ups and downs,

55:45.884 --> 55:50.513
and… but I… I don't really think
she was aware of the down, you know?

55:50.597 --> 55:53.516
'Cause it was…
it was my issue. It was my issue.

55:53.600 --> 55:54.684
I was having this problem

55:54.768 --> 55:57.812
'cause I thought she was trying
to put gender roles on us.

55:57.896 --> 56:01.858
You know, like… like, making me feel
like the… the man or something.

56:01.941 --> 56:04.027
This is what she was doing.

56:04.110 --> 56:06.613
She would say stuff like…
…"Um, you know, babe,

56:06.696 --> 56:09.115
you… you haven't given me a kiss today."

56:09.824 --> 56:11.701
"No bisou pour moi?"

56:11.785 --> 56:14.079
And… And I was like,
"Oh, yeah, baby, sure."

56:14.162 --> 56:17.290
And then I thought about it,
I'm like, wait a minute. You got lips.

56:21.878 --> 56:25.799
The hell I gotta initiate? If you want
a kiss, just kiss. I'll kiss you back.

56:25.882 --> 56:27.801
Or she'll go… …"Babe, um,

56:27.884 --> 56:30.428
you haven't told me you love me today."

56:30.512 --> 56:32.388
"Non je t'aime mon cœur, non?"

56:32.472 --> 56:36.976
I'm like, well, if you need to hear it,
I mean, you know I love you, just say it.

56:37.060 --> 56:38.895
I'll say it back, you know?

56:38.978 --> 56:41.731
Or… Or I'm at work, you know,
and I'm filming all day.

56:41.815 --> 56:44.150
And yeah, it's… it's…
it's been a long day, right?

56:44.234 --> 56:46.152
And I haven't checked in or anything,

56:46.236 --> 56:49.030
and I'll… I'll just get
a text message from her.

56:49.114 --> 56:50.907
And it's just a row of question marks.

56:52.283 --> 56:55.412
Ooh, that irked me.
I'm like, what the hell is this?

56:55.495 --> 56:57.122
What… What… What is this?

56:57.205 --> 56:59.582
So I would just send her back this emoji.

57:06.840 --> 57:08.341
And it was really bugging me.

57:08.424 --> 57:11.469
Like, what is… What the hell, man?
I didn't sign up for this shit.

57:11.553 --> 57:14.305
What… Why does she need me to do this,
need me to do that?

57:14.389 --> 57:17.016
And then it hit me,
it was like, oh. Oh, okay.

57:17.767 --> 57:19.144
I'm in a relationship.

57:20.645 --> 57:21.646
I get it.

57:21.729 --> 57:23.648
Yeah, I'm in a relationship.

57:23.731 --> 57:27.402
And in order for a relationship
to function,

57:28.153 --> 57:30.738
one of you has to be needy.

57:36.411 --> 57:39.998
Yeah. And if you're not laughing,
you're the needy one.

57:41.708 --> 57:42.625
You hear that?

57:47.005 --> 57:49.340
You're welcome, non-needy people.

57:51.801 --> 57:53.845
But it's good, needy people. We need you.

57:53.928 --> 57:57.724
We need you to be needy
so we can participate in a relationship.

57:57.807 --> 57:59.601
Now, I know what I need to do.

57:59.684 --> 58:03.188
So yeah, I… I, you know…
Oh yes, I check in with her.

58:03.271 --> 58:04.731
I tell her I love her.

58:04.814 --> 58:06.482
'Cause… Yeah,
'cause that's what she needs.

58:06.566 --> 58:08.610
And it's… it's fine
because that's… you know,

58:08.693 --> 58:10.361
that's what makes a relationship.

58:10.445 --> 58:14.032
Like, I couldn't be in a relationship
with another me.

58:15.074 --> 58:18.077
It would be like
not being in a relationship.

58:20.580 --> 58:24.209
I'm not checking in with me.
I don't give a fuck where I am.

58:29.380 --> 58:33.426
I don't need to talk to me all the time.
That would get on my nerves.

58:33.509 --> 58:37.597
I'd be like, "Hey, look, let's just go,
no news is good news, all right?"

58:42.352 --> 58:45.271
But now that I know,
you know, what she needs,

58:45.355 --> 58:47.273
it's like, okay, cool, I get it.

58:47.357 --> 58:50.443
You know, I check in.
I even share my location with her.

58:50.527 --> 58:53.738
Okay, that was by accident.
I'mma be honest with you.

58:53.821 --> 58:55.615
That was not intentional.

58:55.698 --> 58:57.909
I was putting the phones up,
you know, for the kids,

58:57.992 --> 58:59.077
and I did the family thing.

58:59.160 --> 59:01.579
I was like, uh-oh, but…
And now I… I can't turn it off.

59:01.663 --> 59:03.122
It'll look suspicious.

59:04.791 --> 59:07.710
Although I don't care… I don't care
if she knows my whereabouts.

59:07.794 --> 59:10.338
I don't. It's not like I'm doing anything.

59:10.421 --> 59:11.464
I don't cheat.

59:11.548 --> 59:13.341
No, 'cause one, I'm too lazy to cheat.

59:14.467 --> 59:17.136
Yeah, I'm… I'm not trying
to learn another birthday.

59:18.846 --> 59:21.266
Pretend to listen to another conversation.

59:21.349 --> 59:23.309
"Oh, really? Mm."

59:32.652 --> 59:36.239
Only time it's in my mind
about her, uh, knowing my whereabouts

59:36.322 --> 59:38.491
is when I'm at a casino.

59:38.575 --> 59:40.910
'Cause she hates when I'm in a casino.

59:40.994 --> 59:43.830
She's like… …"Babe,
I don't like for you to, you know…"

59:43.913 --> 59:48.209
"…be in the casino.
It's just not healthy for you."

59:48.293 --> 59:50.336
"You know, you… you don't go to sleep."

59:50.420 --> 59:54.299
"You stay up all night,
and, you know, you… you drink too much."

59:54.382 --> 59:57.302
"It's just not good for you, you know?"

59:57.385 --> 01:00:00.888
Oh, by the way, Alex doesn't smoke.
This is just how I see her. This is just…

01:00:18.531 --> 01:00:21.993
But she's right. She's right.
I'm horrible in a casino.

01:00:22.076 --> 01:00:25.038
Oh man, I light up
when I go into a casino, man.

01:00:25.121 --> 01:00:28.374
I… I… I'm like them kids
in that movie Weapons in a casino.

01:00:28.458 --> 01:00:29.459
I just see it. I'm just…

01:00:34.839 --> 01:00:37.842
I love a casino, man.

01:00:37.925 --> 01:00:39.594
I like casinos so much

01:00:39.677 --> 01:00:44.098
that, um, I volunteered
to take my friend to the airport

01:00:44.182 --> 01:00:46.351
because there was a casino
like ten minutes away.

01:00:47.644 --> 01:00:49.979
Yeah, I'm like,
"Oh yeah, I got you girl. I got you"

01:00:50.063 --> 01:00:51.189
So I dropped my friend off.

01:00:51.272 --> 01:00:54.150
I was like, mm,
let me stop off at the casino.

01:00:54.233 --> 01:00:57.820
A couple of hours, in the middle
of the… of the day, no harm, no foul.

01:00:57.904 --> 01:01:02.283
So I pull up, and, uh…
and I get my phone out of the cup holder.

01:01:02.367 --> 01:01:05.244
And then I look at my phone.
I went, "Oh shit, she knows, right?"

01:01:05.328 --> 01:01:07.497
So I…

01:01:07.580 --> 01:01:10.625
Close the door, get the hell out of there.
I was like, "She knows."

01:01:10.708 --> 01:01:12.794
And I was frustrated.
I was like, damn, you know?

01:01:12.877 --> 01:01:13.795
And I thought about it.

01:01:13.878 --> 01:01:16.964
I was like, "You know what, Wanda?
I mean, come on, think about it."

01:01:17.048 --> 01:01:19.717
"You… You… You're blessed.
You got someone who loves you

01:01:19.801 --> 01:01:21.427
and who's looking out for you."

01:01:21.511 --> 01:01:23.638
"You know, don't…
don't be like this. Yeah."

01:01:23.721 --> 01:01:25.348
And that's… And that's what we gotta do.

01:01:25.431 --> 01:01:27.392
We gotta look out for each other.

01:01:28.643 --> 01:01:31.396
And so on the way home,
I drove by my church…

01:01:35.733 --> 01:01:39.821
…and I threw my phone in the Bible study
and went back to the casino.

01:01:47.995 --> 01:01:49.038
You know what, y'all?

01:01:49.122 --> 01:01:51.374
This… This has just been amazing.

01:01:51.457 --> 01:01:55.211
And I think about, you know, 40 years ago,

01:01:55.294 --> 01:02:00.299
and I was sitting out there
watching performances up here.

01:02:00.925 --> 01:02:02.677
And now I'm standing up here.

01:02:13.646 --> 01:02:15.189
God is amazing.

01:02:15.273 --> 01:02:17.775
Thank y'all so much, Hampton. I love you.

01:02:18.818 --> 01:02:19.819
God bless you.

01:02:55.438 --> 01:02:56.898
We are one

01:02:59.609 --> 01:03:01.068
We are one

01:03:04.197 --> 01:03:05.656
We are one

01:03:08.618 --> 01:03:09.785
We are one

01:03:12.872 --> 01:03:14.749
We are one

01:03:17.084 --> 01:03:18.711
We are one

01:03:21.380 --> 01:03:22.381
We are one

01:03:25.468 --> 01:03:29.138
We are one

01:03:30.139 --> 01:03:31.474
We are one

01:03:34.602 --> 01:03:36.103
We are one

01:03:54.205 --> 01:03:55.706
Woo!
e one