WEBVTT 00:00:59.684 --> 00:01:02.062 align:center What's that? 00:01:02.145 --> 00:01:04.981 align:center I think he's saying we have to walk the rest of the way. 00:01:05.065 --> 00:01:07.567 align:center Oh, okay. Sounds so nice when he says it. 00:01:07.650 --> 00:01:10.737 align:center Why does English sound like throwing silverware in a drawer? 00:01:14.365 --> 00:01:16.910 align:center Amici, buongiorno! 00:01:16.993 --> 00:01:19.287 align:center You look so happy! 00:01:19.370 --> 00:01:22.874 align:center I am. I'm with Danny and my family at the same time, I'm delirious. Let's go. 00:01:22.957 --> 00:01:25.085 align:center Everybody's waiting to meet you. Come, come, come! 00:01:25.168 --> 00:01:29.464 align:center Great, because I practiced a traditional Italian greeting, so… 00:01:30.423 --> 00:01:37.430 align:center I am horny to be here! Thank you for eating us! 00:01:41.601 --> 00:01:44.646 align:center Uh… So, uh, this is my mother, Gloria. 00:01:44.729 --> 00:01:46.481 align:center -My sister, Marlena. -Hi. 00:01:46.564 --> 00:01:49.734 align:center -My nieces, Paola and Mara, over there. -Hey. 00:01:50.318 --> 00:01:53.029 align:center Paola's son, Valerio, is under the table. 00:01:53.113 --> 00:01:56.950 align:center My cousin, Enzo, his wife, Anna. Those are their kids. 00:01:57.450 --> 00:02:00.870 align:center That's my nephew, Fabio. And that's Zia Giulia. 00:02:00.954 --> 00:02:05.500 align:center He is like a little boy pretending to be a man. 00:02:05.583 --> 00:02:08.086 align:center It's a traditional greeting? 00:02:08.169 --> 00:02:11.756 align:center Welcome to Italy! Hi! 00:02:13.007 --> 00:02:15.218 align:center -Mwah! Mwah! -Mwah. Oh! 00:02:15.301 --> 00:02:18.763 align:center They do two here. Hi, Lady Disdain. 00:02:18.847 --> 00:02:20.014 align:center Hi. 00:02:20.098 --> 00:02:22.475 align:center -Hi. Hey. -Hi. Mwah, mwah. 00:02:22.559 --> 00:02:24.769 align:center Good to see you. 00:02:24.853 --> 00:02:28.189 align:center Sit! Sit, sit, sit, sit. Come on, relax. It's so good to see you. 00:02:28.273 --> 00:02:29.149 align:center Let's go! 00:02:29.232 --> 00:02:30.692 align:center -Well… -Come on. 00:02:30.775 --> 00:02:33.903 align:center Thank you for letting us come, huh? 00:02:33.987 --> 00:02:36.239 align:center Especially after the last time we saw each other. 00:02:36.322 --> 00:02:37.699 align:center Um… 00:02:37.782 --> 00:02:42.537 align:center I feel like I should address the 900-pound turkey in the room. 00:02:42.620 --> 00:02:43.955 align:center -Not necessary. -No, please don't. 00:02:44.038 --> 00:02:46.749 align:center Jack, it's fine. I've already forgotten the squelch it made. 00:02:46.833 --> 00:02:49.627 align:center Okay, well, you're all getting apology presents anyway, all right? 00:02:49.711 --> 00:02:51.629 align:center Whatever you want. Money is no object. 00:02:51.713 --> 00:02:54.549 align:center -Jack? -I'm being told that money is an object. 00:02:54.632 --> 00:02:56.092 align:center Let's keep it under 50 bucks. 00:02:56.176 --> 00:02:58.052 align:center Okay, basta. Let's have a toast. 00:02:58.761 --> 00:03:00.805 align:center What are you doing? Not the cheap stuff! 00:03:00.889 --> 00:03:02.682 align:center These are my friends, not swine! 00:03:02.765 --> 00:03:03.933 align:center Don't disrespect your uncle! 00:03:04.017 --> 00:03:05.560 align:center Claude is bossy in Italy. 00:03:07.020 --> 00:03:10.398 align:center In Italy, we say, "Chi trova un amico, trova un tesoro." 00:03:10.481 --> 00:03:12.942 align:center "Who finds a friend, finds a treasure." 00:03:13.026 --> 00:03:16.779 align:center Danny and I have found our treasure with you. 00:03:17.363 --> 00:03:18.489 align:center Thank you for coming. 00:03:20.992 --> 00:03:23.786 align:center Saluté! 00:03:24.412 --> 00:03:27.415 align:center I think I'm sexually attracted to Italian Claude. 00:03:35.506 --> 00:03:40.595 align:center I am so tired. Maybe we could just lay down for like ten minutes. 00:03:40.678 --> 00:03:43.806 align:center No, no, no. We have to fight through the jet lag and acclimate. 00:03:43.890 --> 00:03:46.643 align:center Otherwise, we'll spend the whole time taking breakfast naps. 00:03:49.729 --> 00:03:53.066 align:center You know, I don't think you have to keep apologizing for Thanksgiving. 00:03:53.149 --> 00:03:55.234 align:center They're your friends, and everyone loves you. 00:03:55.318 --> 00:04:00.323 align:center Yeah, like you love your deranged uncle who lives in an institution. 00:04:00.406 --> 00:04:02.367 align:center No one thinks you're crazy. 00:04:02.450 --> 00:04:03.910 align:center Sure. 00:04:04.661 --> 00:04:07.747 align:center So, uh, how was it seeing Danny? 00:04:08.331 --> 00:04:10.083 align:center -It was fine. -Really? 00:04:10.166 --> 00:04:14.504 align:center 'Cause you did that fake high-pitched "hi" that you usually reserve for my family. 00:04:14.587 --> 00:04:17.382 align:center -"Hi, I'm tolerating you." -What am I supposed to say? 00:04:17.465 --> 00:04:19.759 align:center He's a grown man. He can live wherever he wants. 00:04:19.842 --> 00:04:22.971 align:center Yeah, and you can feel as heartbroken as you want. 00:04:23.054 --> 00:04:24.931 align:center Oh my God, heartbroken? 00:04:25.431 --> 00:04:28.768 align:center He's my friend. He's not like my husband who went to war. 00:04:28.851 --> 00:04:31.020 align:center Sidebar, nicest thing you've said to me in a month. 00:04:31.729 --> 00:04:34.524 align:center Yeah, look, I just thought that part of why you wanted to come-- 00:04:34.607 --> 00:04:37.110 align:center I wanted to come because Anne begged us all to come. 00:04:37.193 --> 00:04:39.737 align:center And now I want to enjoy it with you. 00:04:39.821 --> 00:04:43.574 align:center I'm not here to rekindle my relationship with Danny. 00:04:43.658 --> 00:04:46.202 align:center Okay, got it. Sounds good. 00:04:47.036 --> 00:04:50.790 align:center All right, well, maybe I will just rest my eyes while you finish-- 00:04:50.873 --> 00:04:51.749 align:center No! Wake up! 00:04:51.833 --> 00:04:52.792 align:center I'm up! 00:05:04.679 --> 00:05:06.431 align:center Isn't this place amazing? 00:05:06.514 --> 00:05:12.353 align:center Did you know that the exterior iron work was made by 15th-century monks? 00:05:12.437 --> 00:05:13.479 align:center Wow. 00:05:13.563 --> 00:05:16.190 align:center Did you know that the exterior aluminum work on my house 00:05:16.274 --> 00:05:18.318 align:center was done by Siding by Randy? 00:05:20.028 --> 00:05:22.447 align:center Everyone, we have a special treat. 00:05:22.530 --> 00:05:26.200 align:center Tonight, we are all going to the Nativity pageant at the church 00:05:26.284 --> 00:05:27.952 align:center that Marlena and the girls organized. 00:05:28.036 --> 00:05:31.039 align:center Oh! That's so lovely! 00:05:35.418 --> 00:05:37.003 align:center What's he saying? 00:05:37.086 --> 00:05:42.759 align:center Uh, he's just excited because he thinks that you look like… La Befana. 00:05:43.551 --> 00:05:44.802 align:center Oh, who is that? 00:05:44.886 --> 00:05:47.138 align:center -Oh. -Um… 00:05:47.221 --> 00:05:51.768 align:center La Befana is, um, an Italian version of Santa Claus. 00:05:52.977 --> 00:05:55.021 align:center She's a very, very beloved figure. 00:05:56.230 --> 00:05:58.358 align:center -A magical figure, yeah. -Mm-hm. 00:05:58.441 --> 00:06:02.111 align:center And, uh, she's kind of a mistress of winter. 00:06:02.195 --> 00:06:06.699 align:center Oh! I see. Like Elsa or Mariah Carey. 00:06:06.783 --> 00:06:08.076 align:center Uh… 00:06:09.994 --> 00:06:13.498 align:center And you must all feel so happy 00:06:13.581 --> 00:06:16.834 align:center to finally have Claude back home after all these years. 00:06:16.918 --> 00:06:21.172 align:center -Why are you talking like that? -Famiglia is so… What's the word? 00:06:21.255 --> 00:06:24.383 align:center -Important. -Does your accent make you forget English? 00:06:24.467 --> 00:06:27.887 align:center I'm an empath, so I take on the speech patterns of the people around me. 00:06:27.970 --> 00:06:33.559 align:center We are so, so happy because, you know, Claude is like a father to my girls. 00:06:33.643 --> 00:06:36.562 align:center Well, I had to be because of the biological father, Vincenzo. 00:06:36.646 --> 00:06:39.774 align:center Oh. 00:06:42.443 --> 00:06:44.862 align:center This is why I have to be on my best behavior here. 00:06:44.946 --> 00:06:46.948 align:center These women will rip you to shreds. 00:06:47.031 --> 00:06:48.157 align:center I would never do that. 00:06:48.241 --> 00:06:50.118 align:center Well, that's because you're my girl. 00:06:50.201 --> 00:06:52.036 align:center Seems like you're doing great here. 00:06:52.537 --> 00:06:54.831 align:center Aw, thanks, Kate. 00:06:55.581 --> 00:07:00.711 align:center Oh! So you are Kate! You are the one in love with Danny! 00:07:01.421 --> 00:07:05.049 align:center Ooh, uh, but I think something's gotten lost in translation. I-- 00:07:05.133 --> 00:07:06.717 align:center No, I am not in love with Danny. 00:07:07.301 --> 00:07:08.594 align:center Ah, okay. 00:07:08.678 --> 00:07:09.804 align:center This is my husband. 00:07:09.887 --> 00:07:13.057 align:center Okay, okay, if everyone is finished now, 00:07:13.141 --> 00:07:15.518 align:center I want to take you all to the Christmas market. 00:07:16.936 --> 00:07:19.605 align:center I can't wait to buy something that'll shatter in my carry-on. 00:07:21.858 --> 00:07:24.235 align:center You know, I think I'm gonna skip the Christmas market. 00:07:24.318 --> 00:07:25.611 align:center I'm going to take a nap. 00:07:25.695 --> 00:07:27.155 align:center Thought we had to acclimate. 00:07:27.238 --> 00:07:29.323 align:center Yeah, well, I'm just, you know, really wiped. 00:07:29.407 --> 00:07:30.950 align:center Maybe I'm getting old. 00:07:31.450 --> 00:07:33.494 align:center -Ah… -Okay. 00:07:33.578 --> 00:07:34.662 align:center All right, but we go. 00:07:44.088 --> 00:07:47.133 align:center "Really wiped out." She acts like she flew you all here on her back. 00:07:47.216 --> 00:07:50.678 align:center -Well, I just think she's a little-- -Mad at me? I know what she's a little. 00:07:50.761 --> 00:07:54.015 align:center Look, by the laws of marriage, I'm not allowed to engage in this tone. 00:07:54.098 --> 00:07:55.099 align:center Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:07:55.183 --> 00:07:56.100 align:center Yeah. 00:07:56.184 --> 00:08:00.271 align:center Guys, look, a lot of great options here for an "I'm sorry" present. 00:08:00.354 --> 00:08:02.356 align:center Seriously, just tell me what you want. 00:08:02.440 --> 00:08:05.776 align:center Jack, you don't have to buy-- Oh, can I get a big cookie? 00:08:05.860 --> 00:08:07.236 align:center Yes, you may. 00:08:07.320 --> 00:08:10.489 align:center Oh! Are those from your vineyard? Could I get two bottles? 00:08:11.157 --> 00:08:13.367 align:center Oh, are those hats? 00:08:13.451 --> 00:08:14.285 align:center Annie. 00:08:17.413 --> 00:08:20.958 align:center What do you say, Claude? An elegant goblet for an elegant man? 00:08:21.042 --> 00:08:23.461 align:center Please, Jack, stop. This is too much. 00:08:23.544 --> 00:08:24.879 align:center Look, if you don't pick something, 00:08:24.962 --> 00:08:27.715 align:center I'm just gonna buy you this tacky baby Jesus 00:08:27.798 --> 00:08:29.217 align:center in a hot air balloon. 00:08:29.300 --> 00:08:30.676 align:center I hand make. 00:08:31.636 --> 00:08:36.057 align:center Uh, scusi. It's bellissima. Bellissima. 00:08:36.140 --> 00:08:39.852 align:center I want to find something for Gino. 00:08:39.936 --> 00:08:41.604 align:center How are you doing without them? 00:08:41.687 --> 00:08:42.897 align:center Uh, you know, at first, 00:08:42.980 --> 00:08:45.525 align:center I was a little "eek" about being alone for the holidays. 00:08:45.608 --> 00:08:49.070 align:center But, you know, honestly, it's been nice. 00:08:49.153 --> 00:08:50.363 align:center My time is my own. 00:08:50.446 --> 00:08:54.492 align:center I can go to bed as early as I want. I can sleep as late as I want. 00:08:54.575 --> 00:08:57.203 align:center But you're awake sometimes, right? 00:08:57.286 --> 00:08:58.663 align:center In a way, it's easier. 00:08:58.746 --> 00:09:02.041 align:center I can make one pot of coffee and sip on it for the whole week 00:09:02.583 --> 00:09:04.252 align:center because no one else is there to drink it. 00:09:04.835 --> 00:09:05.836 align:center I can just 00:09:06.504 --> 00:09:10.383 align:center take some and nuke it and sip on it. 00:09:11.050 --> 00:09:14.262 align:center What are these? I keep seeing them everywhere. 00:09:14.345 --> 00:09:16.847 align:center Oh, uh, Anne, actually, 00:09:17.598 --> 00:09:19.016 align:center that is La Befana. 00:09:19.100 --> 00:09:20.935 align:center La Befana? 00:09:21.477 --> 00:09:23.563 align:center The one the child said was me? 00:09:24.313 --> 00:09:25.314 align:center Yeah. 00:09:25.940 --> 00:09:28.025 align:center But she's a witch. 00:09:28.109 --> 00:09:30.778 align:center Well, a Christmas witch. 00:09:30.861 --> 00:09:33.614 align:center -Everyone loves her. -What am I gonna say? 00:09:33.698 --> 00:09:37.910 align:center I thought she was going to be like a blonde lady with a crown of icicles. 00:09:37.994 --> 00:09:42.748 align:center Guys, I'm so sorry. Marlena and the kids. They need help setting up the pageant. 00:09:42.832 --> 00:09:44.709 align:center Okay, well, uh, you guys go do that, 00:09:44.792 --> 00:09:47.086 align:center and I will make sure Kate gets to the church. 00:09:47.837 --> 00:09:48.713 align:center Yeah. 00:09:48.796 --> 00:09:49.755 align:center Okay. 00:09:50.756 --> 00:09:51.674 align:center Hey. 00:09:51.757 --> 00:09:53.217 align:center I don't see it. 00:09:57.138 --> 00:09:58.347 align:center Thank you. 00:10:00.224 --> 00:10:02.018 align:center All right. 00:10:04.228 --> 00:10:05.271 align:center Careful. 00:10:09.025 --> 00:10:12.653 align:center Hey, Anne? Quick question: do you think you're helping? 00:10:12.737 --> 00:10:16.949 align:center Sorry. The story of La Befana is insane. 00:10:17.033 --> 00:10:19.952 align:center It says here, she turned down a chance 00:10:20.036 --> 00:10:23.372 align:center to go with the three wise men to see the baby Jesus 00:10:23.456 --> 00:10:28.461 align:center because she wanted to stay home and catch up on housework. 00:10:28.544 --> 00:10:31.505 align:center She lived to regret that decision and vowed to spend the rest of her days 00:10:31.589 --> 00:10:33.799 align:center handing out candy to children, hoping to one day meet 00:10:33.883 --> 00:10:35.676 align:center the Christ child she had missed. 00:10:36.469 --> 00:10:37.511 align:center Oh! 00:10:38.596 --> 00:10:40.306 align:center What a loser. 00:10:40.806 --> 00:10:42.725 align:center I am nothing like her. 00:10:45.853 --> 00:10:46.854 align:center Right? 00:10:47.813 --> 00:10:52.360 align:center Yeah, I mean, you're the one who keeps bringing it up. Yeah. 00:10:52.443 --> 00:10:54.570 align:center Jack, help me carry these two lambs. 00:11:08.209 --> 00:11:10.711 align:center Okay. 00:11:10.795 --> 00:11:12.254 align:center I think this is everything. 00:11:12.338 --> 00:11:14.131 align:center Well, not quite. 00:11:15.216 --> 00:11:17.551 align:center I got a little something for you. 00:11:21.347 --> 00:11:23.808 align:center Is that "Thank you for my new goblet"? 00:11:23.891 --> 00:11:26.894 align:center No, I told you I didn't want this. 00:11:26.977 --> 00:11:29.230 align:center We don't care about the turkey. 00:11:29.313 --> 00:11:32.608 align:center You got mad. So what? Everybody gets mad. 00:11:33.317 --> 00:11:35.319 align:center Get off your lazy ass and come help us! 00:11:35.403 --> 00:11:37.822 align:center Fuck you! My knee's being weird! 00:11:37.905 --> 00:11:40.491 align:center See? Everybody's mad, nobody gets goblets. 00:11:40.574 --> 00:11:42.284 align:center Yeah, but I'm not an angry guy. 00:11:42.368 --> 00:11:45.663 align:center We know. We know that. It's over, okay? 00:11:45.746 --> 00:11:47.498 align:center -Okay. I-- -Let it go. Let it go. 00:11:47.581 --> 00:11:49.625 align:center Okay, I'm just really in my head about it. 00:11:49.709 --> 00:11:52.336 align:center And I don't mean to apologize so much. I'm sorry. 00:11:52.420 --> 00:11:53.254 align:center Okay. 00:11:53.337 --> 00:11:54.797 align:center -Sorry. -Okay. 00:11:54.880 --> 00:11:56.924 align:center Oh! 00:11:57.007 --> 00:11:58.259 align:center Guys. 00:12:02.263 --> 00:12:04.598 align:center Do you have room for two more? 00:12:38.883 --> 00:12:41.385 align:center Kate. Kate. 00:12:42.553 --> 00:12:43.596 align:center Katherine. 00:12:44.805 --> 00:12:45.639 align:center Kathy! 00:12:45.723 --> 00:12:49.435 align:center What? I'm up! 00:12:50.019 --> 00:12:52.438 align:center Wait. How long was I asleep? 00:12:53.147 --> 00:12:54.273 align:center Is it Christmas? 00:12:54.356 --> 00:12:56.650 align:center Get up. We have to meet everyone at the church. 00:12:56.734 --> 00:12:58.194 align:center But prepare yourself. 00:12:58.277 --> 00:13:00.029 align:center We're going in style. 00:13:06.702 --> 00:13:08.496 align:center This is a little over the top. 00:13:08.579 --> 00:13:11.040 align:center Over the top? I was trying to be nice. 00:13:11.123 --> 00:13:14.210 align:center Look, I even paid extra for the driver's festive folklore getup. 00:13:15.085 --> 00:13:17.213 align:center Sorry. It's very nice. 00:13:17.796 --> 00:13:20.758 align:center Hey, I know you don't love this move. 00:13:20.841 --> 00:13:23.511 align:center But trust me, things won't change. 00:13:24.553 --> 00:13:25.554 align:center Great. 00:13:26.388 --> 00:13:27.765 align:center Can you please not say "great" 00:13:27.848 --> 00:13:30.392 align:center like I just bought you an adult coloring book for your birthday? 00:13:31.519 --> 00:13:32.937 align:center But listen, okay, honestly, 00:13:33.020 --> 00:13:35.147 align:center I bet we see each other as much as we did in New York. 00:13:35.231 --> 00:13:37.066 align:center Okay, more, probably. Okay? 00:13:39.360 --> 00:13:41.987 align:center What? What is that face? Use your words, Katherine. 00:13:42.071 --> 00:13:44.281 align:center Why are we going down an alley? 00:13:45.282 --> 00:13:46.700 align:center Wait, this is wrong. Uh-- 00:13:46.784 --> 00:13:49.328 align:center Scusi! Scusi! 00:13:50.120 --> 00:13:51.914 align:center Give me cash and phones. 00:13:51.997 --> 00:13:52.873 align:center Oh! 00:13:52.957 --> 00:13:54.124 align:center -Okay. -Okay, um… 00:13:54.208 --> 00:13:55.334 align:center Just… cool. 00:13:55.417 --> 00:13:57.753 align:center Just be cool, be cool. Hey, look. Cool, be cool. 00:13:57.837 --> 00:13:59.046 align:center -Also jewelry. -Really? 00:13:59.129 --> 00:14:00.506 align:center -Jewelry. -But this is… 00:14:00.589 --> 00:14:02.925 align:center Oh, no, no. Just man. Yours cheap. 00:14:03.008 --> 00:14:06.095 align:center Ha! 00:14:10.099 --> 00:14:14.645 align:center Ah, thank you, man. I feel so much better. I mean, this is what Nick used to do. 00:14:14.728 --> 00:14:17.690 align:center He'd make me go do something physical and get it all out. 00:14:17.773 --> 00:14:19.108 align:center Oh, that was so fun. 00:14:19.191 --> 00:14:21.902 align:center Fun for who? You were a monster out there. 00:14:22.528 --> 00:14:23.362 align:center What? 00:14:26.949 --> 00:14:28.200 align:center Dude, what the fuck? 00:14:33.205 --> 00:14:34.915 align:center How do you say "fuckface" in Italian? 00:14:40.671 --> 00:14:44.133 align:center Well, I thought it was a competitive game. 00:14:44.216 --> 00:14:47.803 align:center No, it was a get-together for nice dads in the neighborhood. 00:14:47.887 --> 00:14:49.722 align:center That was very bad. 00:14:51.932 --> 00:14:53.350 align:center Oh, honey! 00:14:53.434 --> 00:14:54.643 align:center -I'll get that. -Sure? 00:14:54.727 --> 00:14:56.395 align:center -I'll get it. -Okay. 00:15:11.744 --> 00:15:13.412 align:center -What? -Uh… 00:15:15.122 --> 00:15:16.415 align:center Father Giuseppe, 00:15:16.498 --> 00:15:19.209 align:center he has just learned that the woman 00:15:19.293 --> 00:15:24.048 align:center who played La Befana in our pageant for the last 40 years 00:15:24.131 --> 00:15:25.591 align:center has taken ill. 00:15:25.674 --> 00:15:27.801 align:center So we were just wondering if you-- 00:15:27.885 --> 00:15:29.637 align:center -No! -No? 00:15:29.720 --> 00:15:31.680 align:center Why do people keep bringing her up to me? 00:15:31.764 --> 00:15:33.849 align:center I am nothing like her. 00:15:33.933 --> 00:15:38.145 align:center She is a depressing shut-in, and I am a confident, independent woman 00:15:38.228 --> 00:15:41.106 align:center who chooses not to leave the house that much. 00:15:41.690 --> 00:15:42.942 align:center Yeah. 00:15:43.025 --> 00:15:47.696 align:center Thank you, though. It is a "no," but I appreciate the opportunity. 00:15:47.780 --> 00:15:50.407 align:center -Grazie. -Grazie. 00:15:52.910 --> 00:15:54.870 align:center Are we sure this is the right way? 00:15:54.954 --> 00:15:58.123 align:center No, Katherine, it's the wrong way. I'm just trying to get my steps in. 00:15:59.416 --> 00:16:00.292 align:center Okay. 00:16:00.876 --> 00:16:03.212 align:center Ah. 00:16:03.295 --> 00:16:04.964 align:center Oh, thank God. 00:16:05.547 --> 00:16:09.635 align:center Okay. Uh, so, uh, the thing is, um… 00:16:11.011 --> 00:16:13.973 align:center This is the wrong church. I was thinking of a different church. 00:16:14.056 --> 00:16:16.850 align:center But the good news is, 00:16:16.934 --> 00:16:19.520 align:center is that we're high enough up now 00:16:19.603 --> 00:16:22.439 align:center that we can find the correct church from up here. 00:16:23.023 --> 00:16:24.233 align:center And… 00:16:25.359 --> 00:16:26.193 align:center There it is! 00:16:26.276 --> 00:16:27.611 align:center Ha! Look! 00:16:27.695 --> 00:16:29.488 align:center Yay! 00:16:33.492 --> 00:16:34.326 align:center Perfect. 00:16:35.202 --> 00:16:37.788 align:center So are we gonna zip line down? 00:16:38.580 --> 00:16:39.957 align:center Helpful attitude, but no. 00:16:40.040 --> 00:16:41.333 align:center How are we supposed to get to it? 00:16:41.417 --> 00:16:43.168 align:center As soon as we go back, we'll be lost again. 00:16:43.252 --> 00:16:48.507 align:center I can point my arm like this towards the church 00:16:48.590 --> 00:16:50.843 align:center and adjust as needed as we walk. 00:16:50.926 --> 00:16:53.220 align:center We'll be fine. Human compass. Look. 00:16:54.805 --> 00:16:56.348 align:center You know, my phone had a compass, 00:16:56.432 --> 00:16:59.893 align:center but at least now the robber will have pictures of all of Jack's rashes. 00:16:59.977 --> 00:17:03.313 align:center Okay, can you not be a Scrooge? 00:17:03.397 --> 00:17:06.900 align:center I mean, we're in Italy! Look at the view! 00:17:06.984 --> 00:17:09.570 align:center Can you just try to enjoy yourself? 00:17:09.653 --> 00:17:11.697 align:center Can you stop selling me? 00:17:11.780 --> 00:17:14.950 align:center Ever since we got here, you're like, "Look at the town, 00:17:15.033 --> 00:17:17.494 align:center look at the iron work, look what the monks did." 00:17:17.578 --> 00:17:19.621 align:center You know what? Adding that unpleasant nasal quality 00:17:19.705 --> 00:17:21.915 align:center to your impression of me is really cunty. 00:17:21.999 --> 00:17:24.710 align:center You could be thankful that I'm giving you the excuse 00:17:24.793 --> 00:17:26.670 align:center to have a European vacation every summer. 00:17:26.754 --> 00:17:29.965 align:center My brother in Christ, I am not coming back in the summer. 00:17:30.049 --> 00:17:34.887 align:center I cannot fly back and forth to Italy like a fucking olive oil mogul, okay? 00:17:34.970 --> 00:17:38.724 align:center And you can lie to yourself all you want, but everything is gonna change. 00:17:38.807 --> 00:17:42.686 align:center And that's fine. You know, I will survive, but that is the truth. 00:17:55.157 --> 00:17:58.202 align:center Does your compass have a setting for toilet? Because I have to pee. 00:18:01.538 --> 00:18:04.416 align:center I don't know what's going on with me. I'm kicking turkeys. 00:18:04.500 --> 00:18:06.960 align:center I gave that guy a titty twister. 00:18:07.044 --> 00:18:08.337 align:center He's the mayor. 00:18:14.384 --> 00:18:17.387 align:center I'm the one who smashed up that snack shack at that funky hotel. 00:18:18.472 --> 00:18:22.976 align:center Okay, Jack. I hate to tell you this, but you are an angry guy. 00:18:23.060 --> 00:18:24.436 align:center No, I'm not. 00:18:24.520 --> 00:18:27.689 align:center The reason I know this is because I'm an angry guy too. 00:18:28.315 --> 00:18:31.693 align:center I was always trying to be this happy husband who never disagreed. 00:18:31.777 --> 00:18:33.612 align:center And I'd be nice and nice and nice 00:18:33.695 --> 00:18:36.490 align:center until I'd snap and throw all of Danny's clothes out the window. 00:18:36.573 --> 00:18:38.242 align:center Yeah, that was really bad. 00:18:38.325 --> 00:18:40.786 align:center Like the same or worse than all the stuff I did. 00:18:40.869 --> 00:18:44.289 align:center Because I never wanted to be mad. 00:18:44.873 --> 00:18:47.251 align:center But you can't deal with it if you can say it. 00:18:53.090 --> 00:18:54.258 align:center I am mad. 00:18:55.008 --> 00:18:55.926 align:center Yeah. 00:18:57.970 --> 00:19:00.848 align:center I'm mad about Nick. I was mad at Kate. 00:19:00.931 --> 00:19:03.475 align:center Now I'm mad at myself for pushing her away. 00:19:05.435 --> 00:19:07.855 align:center You see? Was that so hard? 00:19:08.564 --> 00:19:09.690 align:center Oh! 00:19:10.649 --> 00:19:11.608 align:center I'm getting us shots. 00:19:12.901 --> 00:19:14.903 align:center The pageant is three hours long. 00:19:17.239 --> 00:19:18.240 align:center You're different here. 00:19:18.323 --> 00:19:20.242 align:center No, I'm different in America. 00:19:20.868 --> 00:19:22.578 align:center Here, I feel like myself again. 00:19:24.037 --> 00:19:26.165 align:center I'd like to feel like myself again. 00:19:27.332 --> 00:19:28.542 align:center You will. 00:19:31.211 --> 00:19:34.423 align:center Sorry, everything in Italy closes early on Sundays. 00:19:34.506 --> 00:19:38.051 align:center Yeah, well, my bladder has an American work ethic. 00:19:38.135 --> 00:19:40.178 align:center Wait! That's a public toilet. 00:19:40.262 --> 00:19:42.014 align:center Oh, thank God! 00:19:48.437 --> 00:19:50.272 align:center Oh, no! 00:19:50.355 --> 00:19:54.026 align:center Now my body's doing that thing that it knows we're near a bathroom. 00:19:54.109 --> 00:19:55.527 align:center Why does it do that? 00:19:55.611 --> 00:19:56.987 align:center Okay, wait, okay. 00:19:57.946 --> 00:20:01.158 align:center Okay, I can boost you up, and you can climb through this window. 00:20:01.241 --> 00:20:02.993 align:center All right, all right. Okay, come on. 00:20:03.076 --> 00:20:05.954 align:center Just don't, like, make some grunt that I'll hear for the rest of my life. 00:20:06.038 --> 00:20:08.290 align:center I won't. Come on. 00:20:08.916 --> 00:20:10.751 align:center Oh, Danny! 00:20:11.501 --> 00:20:12.461 align:center Sweet Jesus. 00:20:12.544 --> 00:20:13.754 align:center Oh my God! 00:20:13.837 --> 00:20:15.422 align:center Why are you going in head first? 00:20:15.505 --> 00:20:17.424 align:center Katherine! Kick over! 00:20:17.507 --> 00:20:19.843 align:center Oh, God! I'm scared! And now I'm peeing! 00:20:19.927 --> 00:20:22.888 align:center -No, Katherine, no! -It's going down my butt crack! 00:20:22.971 --> 00:20:24.932 align:center It's on my back. 00:20:35.317 --> 00:20:36.652 align:center Wait, are you crying? 00:20:37.819 --> 00:20:39.863 align:center I shouldn't have moved here. 00:20:49.498 --> 00:20:50.999 align:center Hey. 00:20:51.708 --> 00:20:53.126 align:center I am La Befana. 00:20:53.210 --> 00:20:54.419 align:center Mm. 00:20:54.503 --> 00:20:56.838 align:center Maybe we left her alone for a little too long. 00:20:56.922 --> 00:21:00.634 align:center She had a chance to leave her house, and she didn't take it, and neither did I. 00:21:01.593 --> 00:21:02.678 align:center Um… 00:21:02.761 --> 00:21:04.346 align:center What are you talking about? 00:21:05.347 --> 00:21:08.934 align:center Nick cheated on me. Years ago. Way before Ginny. 00:21:09.017 --> 00:21:11.270 align:center And I almost left him and I chickened out. 00:21:11.353 --> 00:21:15.649 align:center If I had left at 47, I could have built a whole new life. 00:21:17.275 --> 00:21:18.652 align:center Now it's too late. 00:21:19.569 --> 00:21:21.446 align:center Now I'm a weird old witch. 00:21:21.530 --> 00:21:23.448 align:center Annie, no, you're not. 00:21:23.532 --> 00:21:24.825 align:center But… 00:21:24.908 --> 00:21:26.410 align:center If you're really worried, 00:21:26.493 --> 00:21:29.329 align:center maybe stop buying necklaces from the museum gift shops. 00:21:29.413 --> 00:21:30.706 align:center Claude, come on. 00:21:30.789 --> 00:21:32.749 align:center Okay. 00:21:32.833 --> 00:21:36.086 align:center This fucking guy again. 00:21:43.468 --> 00:21:45.762 align:center Ugh. 00:21:45.846 --> 00:21:48.598 align:center I thought you loved it here. 00:21:50.183 --> 00:21:53.937 align:center I was trying to sell you on Italy because I was also trying to sell myself. 00:21:54.813 --> 00:21:59.026 align:center I mean, it's beautiful, and Claude is so happy, 00:21:59.109 --> 00:22:03.613 align:center but it's also weird, you know? Like, some of the police cars are Lamborghinis. 00:22:06.366 --> 00:22:11.413 align:center Of course things will change, you know? We won't have moments like this. 00:22:11.496 --> 00:22:13.665 align:center Insane, unplanned moments 00:22:13.749 --> 00:22:17.044 align:center where we both laugh so hard we make each other pee. 00:22:17.127 --> 00:22:19.004 align:center -We both peed? -No, I was being polite. 00:22:19.087 --> 00:22:20.922 align:center I'm not a gross animal. 00:22:24.217 --> 00:22:25.886 align:center I shouldn't have moved here. 00:22:28.930 --> 00:22:31.141 align:center I'm gonna miss you so much. 00:22:32.642 --> 00:22:33.685 align:center I know. 00:22:35.479 --> 00:22:36.938 align:center I am 00:22:37.564 --> 00:22:38.940 align:center heartbroken. 00:22:39.941 --> 00:22:43.070 align:center You know, when Claude's sister said that I was in love with you-- 00:22:43.153 --> 00:22:46.114 align:center -I know you hated when she said that. -I really hated that. 00:22:46.198 --> 00:22:47.824 align:center Yeah. 00:22:48.658 --> 00:22:53.080 align:center I wouldn't blame you for being in love with me. I mean, I am insanely lovable. 00:22:53.163 --> 00:22:56.041 align:center I am not in love with you, Danny. 00:22:58.085 --> 00:22:59.711 align:center But I do love you. 00:23:03.965 --> 00:23:05.008 align:center Because… 00:23:08.136 --> 00:23:14.601 align:center in every other part of my life, I'm a mother and a wife and a scary boss. 00:23:14.684 --> 00:23:15.727 align:center Mm. 00:23:23.485 --> 00:23:25.070 align:center But when I'm with you, 00:23:25.654 --> 00:23:30.158 align:center you make me feel like the 19-year-old that I was when we met. 00:23:32.160 --> 00:23:34.538 align:center And I feel so far from her. 00:23:36.540 --> 00:23:38.417 align:center And you will always have that piece of me. 00:23:42.087 --> 00:23:43.797 align:center I know you better than anyone. 00:23:44.297 --> 00:23:45.507 align:center And you know me. 00:23:48.385 --> 00:23:49.386 align:center That's right. 00:23:51.179 --> 00:23:54.099 align:center That's how I know that you are gonna be fine here. 00:23:54.182 --> 00:23:55.976 align:center -Yeah. -Okay? You're gonna be fine. 00:23:56.601 --> 00:24:00.647 align:center And don't worry about you and me, okay? 00:24:00.730 --> 00:24:02.482 align:center Even if we see each other 00:24:02.566 --> 00:24:06.111 align:center once every other year, which will suck balls, 00:24:07.821 --> 00:24:11.992 align:center it will always feel like this, and we will always be us. 00:24:15.454 --> 00:24:16.872 align:center I love you too, Katherine. 00:24:18.456 --> 00:24:20.167 align:center Man, you smell like pee. 00:24:57.996 --> 00:25:00.248 align:center Look at her. They did it. 00:25:12.552 --> 00:25:13.720 align:center -Good? -It's fine. 00:25:13.803 --> 00:25:14.763 align:center Hey. 00:25:14.846 --> 00:25:18.266 align:center I called you a bunch of times, but you didn't answer. Is everything okay? 00:25:18.350 --> 00:25:23.522 align:center Yeah, I was, uh, rekindling my relationship with Danny. 00:25:24.606 --> 00:25:25.774 align:center I figured. 00:25:25.857 --> 00:25:27.525 align:center -Come. -I missed you, though. 00:25:27.609 --> 00:25:28.818 align:center I missed you too. 00:25:53.343 --> 00:25:56.638 align:center Thank you, children! That was wonderful. 00:25:56.721 --> 00:25:59.933 align:center And now, the moment you have all been waiting for… 00:26:00.016 --> 00:26:00.976 align:center La Befana! 00:26:01.560 --> 00:26:04.688 align:center Buonasera, bambini! 00:26:05.605 --> 00:26:08.733 align:center This is the last appearance for La Befana. 00:26:08.817 --> 00:26:10.193 align:center So get a real good look, kids, 00:26:10.277 --> 00:26:13.947 align:center because this bitch and all her regrets are out of my life after tonight. 00:26:14.531 --> 00:26:16.908 align:center Merry Christmas, everybody! 00:26:26.376 --> 00:26:27.586 align:center What was that for? 00:26:27.669 --> 00:26:29.254 align:center I'm just happy. 00:26:29.337 --> 00:26:30.547 align:center -Yeah? -Mm-hm. 00:26:31.214 --> 00:26:32.591 align:center I'm happy too. 00:26:33.883 --> 00:26:36.136 align:center I had a great talk with Kate. 00:26:36.219 --> 00:26:37.762 align:center -Oh yeah? -Mm-hm. 00:26:37.846 --> 00:26:41.016 align:center Has she finally come around on you living here? 00:26:41.099 --> 00:26:43.727 align:center Yeah, and honestly, she's helped me come around on living here. 00:26:44.936 --> 00:26:48.607 align:center What? How around did you have to come? 00:26:49.357 --> 00:26:53.570 align:center No, no, I was just talking to her about, you know, how different things were here, 00:26:53.653 --> 00:26:56.781 align:center you know, like Lamborghini police cars. 00:26:56.865 --> 00:27:00.201 align:center It's why our crime rates are so low. They get to the scene so fast. 00:27:00.285 --> 00:27:04.914 align:center Oh. All I'm saying is that sometimes I feel like an outsider here. 00:27:04.998 --> 00:27:09.252 align:center Oh, I see. It's like how I felt when I did that for you for 16 years. 00:27:09.336 --> 00:27:11.546 align:center Well, yeah, but that was New York. 00:27:12.797 --> 00:27:14.382 align:center I'm not trying to start a fight with you. 00:27:14.466 --> 00:27:16.301 align:center It doesn't really matter. 00:27:16.384 --> 00:27:18.303 align:center It does matter, actually! 00:27:18.386 --> 00:27:20.889 align:center I gave you an out at Thanksgiving, and you didn't take it. 00:27:20.972 --> 00:27:24.184 align:center -What? I'm staying. -Danny, if you change your mind. 00:27:24.267 --> 00:27:26.144 align:center I'm saying I'm staying. I'm not going anywhere. 00:27:26.227 --> 00:27:28.521 align:center I don't want to go back to America, okay! 00:27:29.105 --> 00:27:30.774 align:center Ah-- 00:27:36.738 --> 00:27:37.822 align:center It's your mom. 00:27:41.910 --> 00:27:42.994 align:center Mom. 00:27:45.497 --> 00:27:46.665 align:center What's the matter? back to America, okay!