WEBVTT 00:00:15.932 --> 00:00:16.933 align:center Annie! 00:00:19.102 --> 00:00:19.936 align:center They're here. 00:00:20.020 --> 00:00:21.062 align:center -Oh my God! -I know. 00:00:21.146 --> 00:00:22.480 align:center -People! -People. 00:00:24.274 --> 00:00:25.942 align:center -Hey! -Hi! 00:00:26.026 --> 00:00:27.736 align:center Oh my God! 00:00:28.236 --> 00:00:29.821 align:center Hey! 00:00:30.405 --> 00:00:31.406 align:center I wanna hug you! 00:00:31.489 --> 00:00:34.534 align:center -We quarantined. Come on. Bring it! -Ah! 00:00:35.577 --> 00:00:39.247 align:center -My friend! How you doing? -You smell even better than I remember. 00:00:39.330 --> 00:00:40.290 align:center Good, and you? 00:00:40.373 --> 00:00:41.958 align:center Hey, buddy. 00:00:44.252 --> 00:00:46.004 align:center Good to see you. You look good. 00:00:46.087 --> 00:00:48.840 align:center -You do too. Awesome. -You got leaner. You look buffed. 00:00:48.923 --> 00:00:49.758 align:center Wait. 00:00:50.341 --> 00:00:51.926 align:center -Oh no. -What is happening? 00:00:52.010 --> 00:00:54.888 align:center And we are very excited for you to meet 00:00:55.597 --> 00:00:57.807 align:center Patrizia! 00:01:01.478 --> 00:01:02.937 align:center -Ta-da! -Oh! 00:01:03.021 --> 00:01:04.606 align:center Patrizia is a dog? 00:01:04.689 --> 00:01:05.732 align:center Your text made it seem 00:01:05.815 --> 00:01:08.151 align:center like you were renting a room to your sexy hairdresser. 00:01:08.234 --> 00:01:10.904 align:center Isn't she chic? She's my goal weight. Get a picture of us. 00:01:10.987 --> 00:01:11.988 align:center Cheese! 00:01:12.072 --> 00:01:15.283 align:center Yes! Her coloring is very Armani. 00:01:15.366 --> 00:01:18.703 align:center Go, Patrizia. Oh, oh, oh! 00:01:20.997 --> 00:01:23.166 align:center Patrizia, no! Come here! 00:01:23.249 --> 00:01:25.919 align:center -Okay. Come on! Let's sit! -Patrizia! 00:01:26.503 --> 00:01:28.880 align:center What a spread! And balloons? 00:01:28.963 --> 00:01:31.549 align:center Yeah, it's for all the birthdays that we've missed. 00:01:31.633 --> 00:01:34.260 align:center And the one with the donut is for Jack's hemorrhoid surgery. 00:01:34.344 --> 00:01:35.678 align:center Ugh. 00:01:37.430 --> 00:01:40.850 align:center Oh my God! Everyone's hair is weird! 00:01:40.934 --> 00:01:44.521 align:center Hi, sweetheart! Lila's on the trampoline. Go find her. 00:01:44.604 --> 00:01:45.730 align:center -Go. -No! 00:01:45.814 --> 00:01:47.690 align:center -Okay, it's okay. -Oh! 00:01:47.774 --> 00:01:49.692 align:center Wait, so are we not masking? 00:01:49.776 --> 00:01:52.654 align:center We're outside. We all stayed home for two weeks. I think we're good. 00:01:52.737 --> 00:01:55.490 align:center Okay. You're right. We're all right. 00:01:55.573 --> 00:01:57.617 align:center Yeah, honey, I don't think you can catch anything. 00:01:57.700 --> 00:01:59.702 align:center We're six feet apart. Just relax, have some wine. 00:02:00.912 --> 00:02:01.871 align:center Mm. 00:02:01.955 --> 00:02:03.456 align:center Oh shit, Jack, that's mine! 00:02:07.877 --> 00:02:10.171 align:center Nick, can you toss me that hand sanitizer? 00:02:14.259 --> 00:02:17.971 align:center -Are you gonna put this in your mouth? -No. 00:02:18.054 --> 00:02:20.306 align:center I'm gonna put it in my butt. Do a handstand. 00:02:28.356 --> 00:02:30.692 align:center So, explain to me these sweaters. 00:02:30.775 --> 00:02:33.403 align:center -Okay. -Okay, well thank you for asking. 00:02:33.486 --> 00:02:36.114 align:center These are from our favorite Instagram account. 00:02:36.197 --> 00:02:39.159 align:center It's called Jeffrey Knitsit, and he's actually blind. 00:02:39.242 --> 00:02:41.286 align:center I can tell by the sweaters. Yeah. 00:02:43.037 --> 00:02:45.290 align:center And these are meant to raise awareness-- 00:02:45.373 --> 00:02:47.584 align:center That you are both dorks. 00:02:47.667 --> 00:02:48.793 align:center -Yes. -Sorry. 00:02:48.877 --> 00:02:51.171 align:center It's working for you. 00:02:51.254 --> 00:02:54.716 align:center Hey, if you think this is dorky, you're gonna hate this. 00:02:54.799 --> 00:02:55.633 align:center -Oh, maybe not. -Yes. 00:02:55.717 --> 00:02:56.759 align:center Since it all started, 00:02:56.843 --> 00:03:00.013 align:center we have been reading each other a poem every night. 00:03:00.096 --> 00:03:03.725 align:center -Oh! Gross! -No, no, no. I hate you. I hate you. 00:03:03.808 --> 00:03:07.562 align:center Say whatever you want, but we have not had one argument since March 10th. 00:03:07.645 --> 00:03:09.439 align:center Patrizia, please. 00:03:09.522 --> 00:03:11.399 align:center Maybe you should run her a little bit. 00:03:11.482 --> 00:03:14.277 align:center -What? -Run her. A little trot. Like a dog show. 00:03:14.360 --> 00:03:15.862 align:center Okay. Okay, love. Patrizia. 00:03:15.945 --> 00:03:20.325 align:center -Watch this. -Listen, tomorrow there is a talent show. 00:03:20.408 --> 00:03:23.703 align:center It's mandatory. Lila and I made a sign and a trophy. 00:03:23.786 --> 00:03:25.622 align:center -All right. -Oh! Okay, Supermom. 00:03:25.705 --> 00:03:26.664 align:center You have no idea. 00:03:26.748 --> 00:03:31.294 align:center When I first met this one, she was this fearless punk rock chick. 00:03:31.377 --> 00:03:32.378 align:center Okay, it's true. 00:03:32.462 --> 00:03:36.841 align:center Hanging out, smoking cigarettes outside of Arlene's Grocery. Ooh! 00:03:36.925 --> 00:03:38.843 align:center First thing she ever said to me… 00:03:38.927 --> 00:03:40.595 align:center "God, you're a douchebag." 00:03:40.678 --> 00:03:45.516 align:center Yeah, and I was like, "Oh, I am definitely going to marry that mean lady." 00:03:45.600 --> 00:03:48.227 align:center Now, she takes care of us. 00:03:48.311 --> 00:03:51.648 align:center And you come up with these fun little creative adventures 00:03:51.731 --> 00:03:53.524 align:center and lift our spirits. 00:03:53.608 --> 00:03:56.277 align:center Danny, she's still very nervous. 00:03:56.361 --> 00:03:57.946 align:center Maybe she's keying off your energy. 00:03:58.029 --> 00:03:59.280 align:center -Relax. -What? 00:03:59.364 --> 00:04:00.448 align:center Relax, here. 00:04:01.074 --> 00:04:02.700 align:center It's all for Lila, right? 00:04:02.784 --> 00:04:03.910 align:center If we didn't have a kid, 00:04:03.993 --> 00:04:07.205 align:center we probably would have drank ourselves to death months ago. 00:04:07.288 --> 00:04:08.289 align:center Wow. 00:04:09.958 --> 00:04:12.669 align:center -Should we have a kid? -Are you serious? 00:04:14.462 --> 00:04:15.546 align:center Sit. 00:04:15.630 --> 00:04:16.965 align:center Patrizia. 00:04:18.257 --> 00:04:19.217 align:center It's getting cold. 00:04:19.300 --> 00:04:22.178 align:center Should we maybe grab the heaters from the deck? 00:04:22.262 --> 00:04:24.055 align:center No, let's go inside. 00:04:24.138 --> 00:04:25.473 align:center -Good idea. -Come on. 00:04:25.556 --> 00:04:27.058 align:center Are we sure about that? 00:04:27.141 --> 00:04:30.436 align:center Like, I know I agreed to come, but I… 00:04:30.520 --> 00:04:32.647 align:center brought sleeping bags so we could sleep in the car. 00:04:32.730 --> 00:04:37.068 align:center Jack, we did all the things. We're safe. Come on. Anybody want to watch a movie? 00:04:37.151 --> 00:04:38.194 align:center -Yeah. -Yeah? 00:05:05.346 --> 00:05:09.350 align:center Oh. Why don't you wear your Jeffrey Knitsit, and I'll change? 00:05:09.434 --> 00:05:10.476 align:center Okay. 00:05:13.479 --> 00:05:15.398 align:center Does everyone think I'm being insane? 00:05:15.481 --> 00:05:18.443 align:center No. But, you know, you could relax a little bit. 00:05:19.902 --> 00:05:21.571 align:center Oh! Hey. 00:05:22.196 --> 00:05:23.906 align:center We forgot to do our poem last night. 00:05:23.990 --> 00:05:25.575 align:center Oh jeez. 00:05:27.035 --> 00:05:28.995 align:center What do we got here? 00:05:29.078 --> 00:05:31.998 align:center "Ode to a Nightingale" by John Keats. 00:05:32.081 --> 00:05:33.624 align:center Okay. 00:05:33.708 --> 00:05:38.004 align:center "My heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains my sense, 00:05:38.087 --> 00:05:40.089 align:center as though of hemlock I had drunk." 00:05:40.173 --> 00:05:41.174 align:center How long is this one? 00:05:41.257 --> 00:05:42.383 align:center A page and a half. 00:05:42.925 --> 00:05:45.970 align:center Uh, "Or emptied some dull opiate to the drains." 00:05:46.054 --> 00:05:48.181 align:center Because I hear people downstairs getting breakfast. 00:05:48.264 --> 00:05:50.183 align:center Smells like he's doing bacon. 00:05:50.767 --> 00:05:52.769 align:center "But being too happy in thine happiness, 00:05:52.852 --> 00:05:56.522 align:center that thou light-winged Dryad of the trees in some melodious plot 00:05:56.606 --> 00:05:58.524 align:center of beechen greens and shadows…" 00:06:01.402 --> 00:06:03.905 align:center Hungry. Must be starving. 00:06:05.782 --> 00:06:07.867 align:center Almost ready. Almost ready. 00:06:07.950 --> 00:06:09.410 align:center Mmm! This is so good. 00:06:11.954 --> 00:06:13.748 align:center Come on, eat. 00:06:13.831 --> 00:06:15.875 align:center It's two days now. She won't eat. 00:06:15.958 --> 00:06:17.960 align:center Well, she definitely ate something, 00:06:18.044 --> 00:06:21.923 align:center because I found a juicy turd on the stairs this morning. 00:06:22.006 --> 00:06:23.174 align:center Oh shit, I'm sorry. 00:06:25.301 --> 00:06:27.637 align:center No, no, that was me. I had tequila last night. 00:06:32.683 --> 00:06:34.018 align:center She doesn't like laughter. 00:06:34.685 --> 00:06:37.063 align:center -How long have you had this dog? -Five weeks. 00:06:37.146 --> 00:06:38.064 align:center Do you love her? 00:06:38.147 --> 00:06:40.900 align:center -That feels like a trick question. -She cost $5,000. 00:06:40.983 --> 00:06:43.986 align:center I'm just saying, a dog is not a child. 00:06:44.070 --> 00:06:47.407 align:center And if it's not a good fit, then you could find a different home for her. 00:06:47.490 --> 00:06:51.994 align:center There's a couple right down the road here, huge animal rescue people. 00:06:52.078 --> 00:06:54.789 align:center Yeah, they have a pot-bellied pig and so many senior cats. 00:06:54.872 --> 00:06:56.165 align:center I bet they'd take her. 00:06:56.249 --> 00:06:57.834 align:center We'll figure something out, Nick. 00:06:57.917 --> 00:07:01.379 align:center We're just as qualified to be Patrizia's parents as any two upstate lesbians. 00:07:01.462 --> 00:07:04.006 align:center -I never said they were lesbians. -They are. 00:07:04.090 --> 00:07:05.883 align:center I know, but I never said that. 00:07:15.935 --> 00:07:17.395 align:center Oh, it's working! 00:07:17.478 --> 00:07:19.814 align:center -Oh my God. -Hi, can you see me? 00:07:19.897 --> 00:07:21.816 align:center This technology is amazing. 00:07:21.899 --> 00:07:25.570 align:center -Hey! Dad, we're doing a talent show. -Great. 00:07:25.653 --> 00:07:26.487 align:center And I'm gonna win. 00:07:26.571 --> 00:07:27.989 align:center Cool your jets, big guy. 00:07:29.157 --> 00:07:29.991 align:center Oh my God! 00:07:30.074 --> 00:07:31.242 align:center Hi! 00:07:31.325 --> 00:07:32.160 align:center Ooh, my nieces! 00:07:38.457 --> 00:07:40.168 align:center Hey! 00:07:40.251 --> 00:07:41.085 align:center Mom. 00:07:41.586 --> 00:07:42.920 align:center Mom, move into the camera. 00:07:43.004 --> 00:07:44.380 align:center You're not on the camera. 00:07:44.464 --> 00:07:46.424 align:center I see you just fine, baby. 00:07:46.507 --> 00:07:47.967 align:center Okay, let's just start. 00:07:49.969 --> 00:07:51.679 align:center Kick it off, Jack! Kick it off! 00:07:52.346 --> 00:07:54.724 align:center La-la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la 00:07:54.807 --> 00:07:56.976 align:center La-la-la-la-la 00:07:57.059 --> 00:07:59.479 align:center Tra-la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la 00:07:59.562 --> 00:08:01.898 align:center Ho, ho, ho! Ha, ha, ha! 00:08:01.981 --> 00:08:03.274 align:center Ho, ho, ho! 00:08:04.317 --> 00:08:07.153 align:center Wrist full of rocks, hope I float Big up yourself, you know they don't 00:08:07.236 --> 00:08:08.946 align:center I chew, chew 'cause they hope I choke 00:08:09.030 --> 00:08:09.989 align:center I'm a bitch… 00:08:10.072 --> 00:08:11.115 align:center What? 00:08:11.199 --> 00:08:12.533 align:center Yes! 00:08:12.617 --> 00:08:13.451 align:center Do it! 00:08:13.534 --> 00:08:15.244 align:center I'm a boss, I'm a bitch 00:08:15.328 --> 00:08:18.956 align:center My dear Lady Disdain, are you yet living? 00:08:19.040 --> 00:08:21.959 align:center -Courtesy itself must convert to disdain… -Oh, brother! 00:08:22.043 --> 00:08:24.670 align:center Now it's some boring play they did in college. 00:08:24.754 --> 00:08:26.631 align:center Dad, mute! 00:08:33.095 --> 00:08:35.306 align:center A lot of work texts. Everything okay? 00:08:35.389 --> 00:08:36.682 align:center -Yeah, it's all good. -Okay. 00:08:36.766 --> 00:08:38.017 align:center For my next impression, 00:08:38.100 --> 00:08:42.647 align:center this is my beloved Roberto Benigni getting a free refill of coffee! 00:08:43.356 --> 00:08:46.150 align:center Thank you! My God! 00:08:46.234 --> 00:08:48.486 align:center This is too much joy for me! 00:08:48.569 --> 00:08:51.656 align:center I love the world! I want to make love to all of you! 00:08:52.240 --> 00:08:54.325 align:center Please! 00:08:56.536 --> 00:09:01.040 align:center In the spirit of Riverdance, I bring you Lakedance. 00:09:07.255 --> 00:09:10.424 align:center Cheater. You're not really dancing. 00:09:11.801 --> 00:09:13.177 align:center That's it. 00:09:13.261 --> 00:09:14.971 align:center We see Lila on the spoons. 00:09:15.054 --> 00:09:16.722 align:center -This is really good. -Boo! 00:09:16.806 --> 00:09:18.432 align:center You're insane! 00:09:19.934 --> 00:09:24.939 align:center The first annual Covey award goes to… 00:09:25.022 --> 00:09:27.733 align:center -My dad! -No! No! 00:09:30.653 --> 00:09:32.238 align:center Thank you, honey. 00:09:32.321 --> 00:09:36.617 align:center I guess I'm better than all of you. I am more talented. 00:09:36.701 --> 00:09:38.411 align:center -Shut up! -Oh God. 00:10:04.020 --> 00:10:05.271 align:center Goddamn it! 00:10:06.022 --> 00:10:07.023 align:center What's wrong? 00:10:07.106 --> 00:10:09.900 align:center Kate's not feeling well, so I sent her upstairs to do a test. 00:10:09.984 --> 00:10:12.945 align:center Wait, home tests? Where did you get those? 00:10:13.029 --> 00:10:15.573 align:center Yeah, our school nurse, Teresa, volunteers at a clinic, 00:10:15.656 --> 00:10:18.242 align:center so she slipped me a case because I have pretty eyes. 00:10:18.326 --> 00:10:20.953 align:center -Oh. -Bad news. 00:10:21.037 --> 00:10:21.954 align:center It's bright red. 00:10:22.038 --> 00:10:24.165 align:center How in the hell? 00:10:24.248 --> 00:10:25.666 align:center We should go home, I guess. 00:10:25.750 --> 00:10:28.711 align:center No, we can't all go in the car. You might get Beth sick. 00:10:28.794 --> 00:10:33.174 align:center No, no, honey, just go up to Lila's room. I'll make you some tea and toast. Go on. 00:10:36.719 --> 00:10:38.137 align:center How'd this happen? 00:10:38.220 --> 00:10:39.430 align:center Huh? Who broke quarantine? 00:10:40.640 --> 00:10:41.766 align:center Nick, did you golf? 00:10:41.849 --> 00:10:42.767 align:center No. 00:10:42.850 --> 00:10:44.727 align:center What about you two, huh? 00:10:44.810 --> 00:10:47.146 align:center Any parties with your other, hotter friend group? 00:10:47.229 --> 00:10:49.440 align:center No. Calm down, Dr. Fauci. 00:10:49.523 --> 00:10:54.153 align:center No, I won't calm down, because somebody among us has betrayed the lockdown. 00:10:54.236 --> 00:10:57.073 align:center This is the worst production of Jesus Christ Superstar I've ever seen. 00:10:57.156 --> 00:10:58.824 align:center Ow! 00:10:58.908 --> 00:11:00.618 align:center I'm fine! 00:11:01.202 --> 00:11:02.078 align:center Um… 00:11:03.454 --> 00:11:07.041 align:center Don't panic, but Patrizia has run into the woods with a bagel 00:11:07.124 --> 00:11:09.126 align:center and just a little bit of my finger. 00:11:09.210 --> 00:11:10.127 align:center Okay. 00:11:12.338 --> 00:11:13.422 align:center Patrizia! 00:11:13.506 --> 00:11:15.883 align:center Come here! Right now! 00:11:18.928 --> 00:11:19.804 align:center Oh. 00:11:20.429 --> 00:11:21.639 align:center I have to walk to you? 00:11:22.932 --> 00:11:24.350 align:center You little… 00:11:27.269 --> 00:11:29.605 align:center Come on. Come on, Patrizia. 00:11:30.147 --> 00:11:31.399 align:center There we go. 00:11:34.110 --> 00:11:37.488 align:center Excuse me, do you know where Nick Pagano lives? 00:11:37.571 --> 00:11:38.698 align:center Yeah, I do. 00:11:39.824 --> 00:11:41.575 align:center I told him I'd drop off this pie. 00:11:41.659 --> 00:11:42.576 align:center Oh. 00:11:43.202 --> 00:11:47.123 align:center Uh, well, I'll take it to him. His family has COVID right now. 00:11:47.915 --> 00:11:49.625 align:center Oh. Um… 00:11:54.922 --> 00:11:58.342 align:center -Thank you. -I'll make sure he gets it, okay? Bye-bye. 00:12:10.229 --> 00:12:12.898 align:center -Where did you get that pie? -Just take her inside. 00:12:12.982 --> 00:12:16.318 align:center Okay. Come on, let's go. Let's go, Patrizia. 00:12:20.531 --> 00:12:22.116 align:center -Hey, hey. -Hey. 00:12:22.199 --> 00:12:24.034 align:center You gonna watch the Notre Dame game with me? 00:12:24.118 --> 00:12:25.244 align:center Sounds good. 00:12:25.327 --> 00:12:27.830 align:center Should we also invite the chick who dropped this pie off for you? 00:12:28.581 --> 00:12:30.916 align:center -What? -"What?" 00:12:31.000 --> 00:12:32.209 align:center Never go into acting. 00:12:32.293 --> 00:12:34.128 align:center -Oh my God. -Yeah. 00:12:34.211 --> 00:12:35.337 align:center Was she here? 00:12:35.421 --> 00:12:37.923 align:center None of my business. Just tighten up your game, all right? 00:12:38.007 --> 00:12:40.301 align:center Don't think for a second I'll eat that Fatal Attraction pie. 00:12:40.384 --> 00:12:42.178 align:center -Danny. Danny! -What? 00:12:42.261 --> 00:12:43.262 align:center It was… 00:12:44.764 --> 00:12:45.806 align:center It was a near miss. 00:12:45.890 --> 00:12:47.224 align:center That's all it was. 00:12:47.308 --> 00:12:49.977 align:center I got a little too friendly with an actuary. 00:12:50.060 --> 00:12:51.937 align:center -Nick, I don't wanna know. -We kissed. 00:12:52.021 --> 00:12:54.940 align:center It was a stupid, drunk group dinner. 00:12:55.024 --> 00:12:58.444 align:center And then the next day, the world shut down. 00:12:59.028 --> 00:13:00.279 align:center Thank God. 00:13:00.905 --> 00:13:07.578 align:center Lockdown saved me, Danny. Being home here with Anne and Lila… 00:13:07.661 --> 00:13:08.871 align:center Woke you up? 00:13:08.954 --> 00:13:10.164 align:center Yes. 00:13:10.873 --> 00:13:16.670 align:center I have not said anything even remotely flirty to her in months, but she keeps-- 00:13:16.754 --> 00:13:18.380 align:center Texting you. No shit, Sherlock. 00:13:18.464 --> 00:13:21.717 align:center I am so grateful that nothing more happened. 00:13:21.800 --> 00:13:24.678 align:center Congratulations. Maybe you should tell your wife that, 00:13:24.762 --> 00:13:27.264 align:center because she flinches every time you receive a text. 00:13:27.348 --> 00:13:28.182 align:center She doesn't… 00:13:31.060 --> 00:13:31.977 align:center Oh. 00:13:32.895 --> 00:13:35.231 align:center Okay. All right, I'll handle this. 00:13:35.314 --> 00:13:37.107 align:center I will text Maureen right now. 00:13:37.191 --> 00:13:39.860 align:center Maureen. Gross. 00:13:41.487 --> 00:13:44.323 align:center How is it hot and also freezing out here? 00:13:50.496 --> 00:13:52.248 align:center Okay. 00:13:54.583 --> 00:13:57.086 align:center No, no, what are you doing? 00:13:57.169 --> 00:13:58.921 align:center Oh no. 00:13:59.004 --> 00:14:00.548 align:center I'm sorry. 00:14:12.893 --> 00:14:14.770 align:center Sounds like your baby misses you. 00:14:14.853 --> 00:14:18.858 align:center Yeah, that's probably why my baby runs away every ten minutes. 00:14:22.945 --> 00:14:24.572 align:center Also, am I crazy, 00:14:24.655 --> 00:14:27.241 align:center or did Claude basically say he didn't want to have children with me? 00:14:27.324 --> 00:14:28.784 align:center I caught that. 00:14:29.285 --> 00:14:33.372 align:center Maybe ask him again when he's not trying to wrestle a dog into a ski outfit. 00:14:33.455 --> 00:14:34.748 align:center Hm. Yeah. 00:14:36.959 --> 00:14:39.169 align:center How's Jack? Is he freaking out? 00:14:40.671 --> 00:14:42.172 align:center A little bit. 00:14:42.256 --> 00:14:45.384 align:center You wanna open the window and scream a poem at him? 00:14:45.467 --> 00:14:47.511 align:center I know we're being weird, 00:14:48.012 --> 00:14:51.265 align:center but these little rituals are what he needs right now. 00:14:51.849 --> 00:14:55.603 align:center You know his grade partner got so sick she had to be intubated. 00:14:55.686 --> 00:14:56.645 align:center Jesus. 00:14:56.729 --> 00:14:59.982 align:center So, now my job is to be 00:15:00.065 --> 00:15:04.486 align:center as calm and comforting as a gravity blanket. 00:15:04.570 --> 00:15:06.196 align:center Ah. 00:15:06.280 --> 00:15:09.033 align:center He's lucky he married you. You never freak out. 00:15:09.116 --> 00:15:11.368 align:center Freakouts are a choice. 00:15:11.452 --> 00:15:14.246 align:center Adults should not freak out. 00:15:14.330 --> 00:15:16.832 align:center That's insane. Say more. 00:15:19.543 --> 00:15:21.128 align:center It's just kind of narcissistic, you know? 00:15:21.211 --> 00:15:26.592 align:center It's like, oh, you get to be the one who loses their mind and creates chaos. 00:15:26.675 --> 00:15:28.135 align:center What a luxury. 00:15:29.511 --> 00:15:34.642 align:center And why do we think we're this way? And by we, I mean you. 00:15:35.893 --> 00:15:36.894 align:center Eh… 00:15:38.228 --> 00:15:40.022 align:center When I was in sixth grade, 00:15:40.814 --> 00:15:45.486 align:center I had to live with my aunt because my mom wouldn't stop crying. 00:15:48.864 --> 00:15:49.990 align:center Wait, what? 00:15:50.574 --> 00:15:51.784 align:center It's okay. 00:15:56.163 --> 00:15:57.915 align:center Come on. Poopy-poo. 00:16:00.918 --> 00:16:01.919 align:center Poop! 00:16:02.002 --> 00:16:04.421 align:center Come on, Patrizia. Please. Stop barking. 00:16:06.590 --> 00:16:08.592 align:center Oh! Thank you so much. 00:16:09.968 --> 00:16:11.679 align:center Go, let's go. Come on. 00:16:11.762 --> 00:16:13.263 align:center -May I ask you a question? -Hm? 00:16:14.973 --> 00:16:18.852 align:center When you were picking out a dog, why did you choose one that hates you? 00:16:18.936 --> 00:16:20.604 align:center Okay, I had no choice. 00:16:20.688 --> 00:16:24.942 align:center Danny's the one who wanted a dog. I wanted a bird named Patrizia. 00:16:25.025 --> 00:16:29.613 align:center A bird? A bird would have been so great at staying in your apartment. 00:16:29.697 --> 00:16:32.116 align:center Believe me, I wish I could tell Danny to return her 00:16:32.199 --> 00:16:34.326 align:center to whatever store in hell he bought her from. 00:16:35.077 --> 00:16:38.497 align:center She always goes straight for my genitals every time I get out of the shower. 00:16:38.580 --> 00:16:40.582 align:center Well, I'm sorry about that. 00:16:40.666 --> 00:16:44.294 align:center Do you think I can talk to the lesbians without Danny? 00:16:44.378 --> 00:16:47.506 align:center No. No. No, no, no. It's not the right thing to do. 00:16:47.589 --> 00:16:48.632 align:center I don't know, man. 00:16:48.716 --> 00:16:49.967 align:center Sometimes the right thing to do 00:16:50.050 --> 00:16:53.178 align:center is just whatever doesn't blow up your entire world. 00:16:55.639 --> 00:16:57.725 align:center Take me to the lesbians. 00:16:57.808 --> 00:17:01.103 align:center If it's meant to be, you'll find them. 00:17:03.313 --> 00:17:04.898 align:center I'm kidding. I will call Dana. 00:17:05.649 --> 00:17:07.943 align:center -Yeah? -Okay. Stay away from my genitals. 00:17:09.903 --> 00:17:11.071 align:center Danny? 00:17:12.197 --> 00:17:13.949 align:center -Danny. -Hm? 00:17:14.032 --> 00:17:15.325 align:center Patrizia's gone. 00:17:15.409 --> 00:17:17.119 align:center What do you mean Patrizia's gone? 00:17:17.202 --> 00:17:19.997 align:center She ran away, and we look everywhere, but we can't find her. 00:17:20.080 --> 00:17:22.291 align:center Oh. Okay, uh… 00:17:22.374 --> 00:17:24.543 align:center Where are you going? No, no, you're too sick to go out. 00:17:24.626 --> 00:17:26.795 align:center Titties Glenn Close will skin her. 00:17:29.339 --> 00:17:30.174 align:center Huh? 00:17:30.257 --> 00:17:31.425 align:center It's the fever. 00:17:31.508 --> 00:17:33.260 align:center I need you to be honest with me, all right? 00:17:33.343 --> 00:17:36.847 align:center You didn't go anywhere, did you, Lila? Like, no play dates? 00:17:36.930 --> 00:17:38.182 align:center I'm literally 15. 00:17:38.265 --> 00:17:41.310 align:center Patrizia! Patrizia! 00:17:41.393 --> 00:17:42.644 align:center Okay, what about a bubble? 00:17:42.728 --> 00:17:45.230 align:center You in some kind of a bubble, like a school bubble? 00:17:45.314 --> 00:17:47.983 align:center -You're the only one that went anywhere. -No, I didn't. 00:17:48.067 --> 00:17:50.986 align:center Yeah, you went to the clinic that Nurse Teresa works at, 00:17:51.070 --> 00:17:54.031 align:center and then you stood in line with a bunch of people who thought they had COVID. 00:18:02.289 --> 00:18:03.624 align:center Will you taste this? 00:18:06.627 --> 00:18:08.378 align:center Mom, that's so salty. 00:18:11.882 --> 00:18:13.467 align:center Nick! 00:18:13.550 --> 00:18:16.553 align:center Make sure the turkey gets to 165. Okay, that's my brain. 00:18:16.637 --> 00:18:18.055 align:center Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry. 00:18:18.138 --> 00:18:20.557 align:center Throw away the potatoes. There's still yams. 00:18:20.641 --> 00:18:22.684 align:center And Lila knows how to do the Brussels sprouts. 00:18:22.768 --> 00:18:23.602 align:center Yes, ma'am. 00:18:24.311 --> 00:18:28.607 align:center Here we go. Six, seven, eight, all right. 00:18:29.108 --> 00:18:30.359 align:center There we go. 00:18:30.901 --> 00:18:31.777 align:center Oh. 00:18:33.737 --> 00:18:35.280 align:center Who are you texting? 00:18:35.364 --> 00:18:37.699 align:center I was setting a 15-minute timer. 00:18:37.783 --> 00:18:38.659 align:center Oh. 00:18:45.290 --> 00:18:46.959 align:center -Mwah! -Are you nuts? 00:18:47.042 --> 00:18:48.252 align:center We're all going down. 00:19:19.199 --> 00:19:20.450 align:center Patrizia. 00:19:23.871 --> 00:19:24.955 align:center Oh. 00:19:25.622 --> 00:19:26.957 align:center Patrizia. 00:19:27.624 --> 00:19:29.626 align:center Where the fuck is that dog? 00:19:30.752 --> 00:19:32.963 align:center -What if we call you Patty? -Uh… 00:19:33.046 --> 00:19:36.842 align:center Are you Patty? Are you Patty? 00:19:37.676 --> 00:19:38.886 align:center Good girl. 00:19:38.969 --> 00:19:40.762 align:center Patrizia. Paw. 00:19:40.846 --> 00:19:42.723 align:center Good girl. 00:19:42.806 --> 00:19:44.766 align:center Oh, her paws are a little yeasty. 00:19:44.850 --> 00:19:47.227 align:center Yeah, we should throw out all that food that guy gave us. 00:19:47.311 --> 00:19:48.520 align:center Mm-hm. 00:19:49.396 --> 00:19:51.732 align:center For fuck's sake, look at her eyes. 00:19:52.316 --> 00:19:54.860 align:center -Oh, they're so beautiful. -What are you doing? 00:19:54.943 --> 00:19:55.861 align:center Oh, the beauty. 00:19:58.697 --> 00:20:00.490 align:center Perfect girl. Up. 00:20:01.158 --> 00:20:04.578 align:center -Good girl. -Let me get in there. 00:20:04.661 --> 00:20:07.080 align:center Hi. Can you kiss it? 00:20:07.164 --> 00:20:08.457 align:center You're such a good girl. 00:20:08.540 --> 00:20:11.210 align:center -My goodness. -You are home. 00:20:11.293 --> 00:20:13.837 align:center Kiss. 00:20:16.298 --> 00:20:19.843 align:center Turn on the TV news. Listen to the radio. 00:20:19.927 --> 00:20:22.930 align:center Everyone is concerned about COVID and Thanksgiving, right? 00:20:23.013 --> 00:20:25.891 align:center Two facts to keep in mind. COVID right now is on… 00:20:25.974 --> 00:20:28.769 align:center Hey! What are you doing? 00:20:28.852 --> 00:20:30.354 align:center Stay away, I'm infected. 00:20:30.437 --> 00:20:31.772 align:center I am too. 00:20:32.731 --> 00:20:34.107 align:center Huh? 00:20:34.191 --> 00:20:35.943 align:center -Wait-- -We're COVID buddies. 00:20:36.026 --> 00:20:39.029 align:center I got everybody sick. 00:20:39.112 --> 00:20:40.614 align:center I must be asymptomatic. 00:20:40.697 --> 00:20:44.409 align:center Okay, your worst nightmare came true. Now what? I have news for you, buddy. 00:20:44.493 --> 00:20:47.412 align:center You cannot control the universe with your butthole. Get out. 00:20:47.496 --> 00:20:50.165 align:center -Get out. Come on. -No. Everybody's mad at me. 00:20:50.958 --> 00:20:52.751 align:center -What? -Everybody's mad at me. 00:20:52.834 --> 00:20:54.836 align:center I can't hear what you're saying. 00:20:54.920 --> 00:20:56.755 align:center -Everybody's mad at me. -Yes, I can, I can hear. 00:20:56.838 --> 00:20:58.382 align:center Goddamn it! 00:20:58.465 --> 00:20:59.716 align:center I got it. 00:20:59.800 --> 00:21:00.634 align:center Come on. 00:21:00.717 --> 00:21:02.970 align:center Here, here. Take it. Take it. Take it. 00:21:03.053 --> 00:21:05.847 align:center Look, nobody's mad at you. It's not your fault. 00:21:05.931 --> 00:21:07.265 align:center No, it's your fault. 00:21:07.349 --> 00:21:09.893 align:center Hold on a second. How am I in trouble? 00:21:09.977 --> 00:21:12.020 align:center You made us come here, all right? 00:21:12.104 --> 00:21:14.398 align:center You told me everything was gonna be fine, and it's not fine. 00:21:14.481 --> 00:21:16.441 align:center Okay, you can be mad if you want. 00:21:16.525 --> 00:21:17.567 align:center I'm not mad! 00:21:17.651 --> 00:21:18.652 align:center -Yes, you are. -God. 00:21:18.735 --> 00:21:21.822 align:center And whenever you pretend not to be, it comes out sideways. 00:21:21.905 --> 00:21:25.617 align:center So, there you go. Hit my hand as hard as you can. 00:21:25.701 --> 00:21:27.369 align:center What? No, I'll hurt you. 00:21:27.452 --> 00:21:30.247 align:center -Oh, fuck you, you'll hurt me. -I'm not hitting you, all right? 00:21:30.330 --> 00:21:35.043 align:center Hit it. Oh, that's right. You can't hit me because you're America's nicest boy. 00:21:35.127 --> 00:21:37.421 align:center Stop touching me. 00:21:37.504 --> 00:21:39.840 align:center I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you at all. 00:21:41.133 --> 00:21:44.136 align:center Good, good, let it out. Remember, I got the back stuff. 00:21:44.219 --> 00:21:45.053 align:center Selfish prick. 00:21:45.137 --> 00:21:47.139 align:center Well, you had to have your party, huh? 00:21:47.222 --> 00:21:49.224 align:center You always do whatever the fuck you want. 00:21:49.308 --> 00:21:50.642 align:center You don't care who gets hurt. 00:21:50.726 --> 00:21:53.353 align:center No, no, I'm not that guy! 00:21:53.437 --> 00:21:58.275 align:center Oh, you are legendarily that guy! How do you think you won the talent show? 00:21:58.358 --> 00:22:02.195 align:center 'Cause even the children understand you're a little fucking baby! 00:22:02.279 --> 00:22:04.489 align:center -Fuck you, I'm trying. -Well, not hard enough. 00:22:04.573 --> 00:22:05.449 align:center Get off of me! 00:22:08.368 --> 00:22:09.995 align:center I wish I was like you! 00:22:10.078 --> 00:22:14.708 align:center You're such a good man. You take care of your family. 00:22:14.791 --> 00:22:19.713 align:center Yeah, but I didn't! Goddamn it! I'm so sick of being scared! 00:22:20.297 --> 00:22:21.298 align:center Fuck! 00:22:22.591 --> 00:22:23.592 align:center Fuck! 00:22:26.386 --> 00:22:27.429 align:center Okay. 00:22:29.222 --> 00:22:30.474 align:center There you go. 00:22:31.641 --> 00:22:32.768 align:center Good job. 00:22:34.019 --> 00:22:36.313 align:center You can always dump this stuff on me. 00:22:36.396 --> 00:22:37.439 align:center Okay. 00:22:39.775 --> 00:22:40.609 align:center Are you crying? 00:22:40.692 --> 00:22:42.027 align:center No. 00:22:42.819 --> 00:22:44.321 align:center I'm helping you. 00:22:45.530 --> 00:22:46.740 align:center I win. 00:22:53.371 --> 00:22:54.831 align:center You didn't find her? 00:22:56.041 --> 00:22:59.127 align:center No, Claude, I sure didn't. 00:22:59.211 --> 00:23:03.673 align:center I walked all over and didn't see a single lost dog. 00:23:03.757 --> 00:23:07.552 align:center Saw a lot of dogs with owners, but no lost dogs. 00:23:08.887 --> 00:23:10.263 align:center What a mystery. 00:23:11.556 --> 00:23:14.393 align:center Hopefully she finds a family who loves her as much as we did. 00:23:14.476 --> 00:23:19.147 align:center Well, but we'll never know because we certainly never talked about it 00:23:19.231 --> 00:23:20.607 align:center or chose them. 00:23:22.150 --> 00:23:26.238 align:center I guess all we'll ever know is uncertainty and heartbreak. 00:23:27.280 --> 00:23:29.449 align:center "Heartbreak" is a strong word. 00:23:29.533 --> 00:23:34.121 align:center No? It's like Nick said. Um, "A dog is not a child." 00:23:34.204 --> 00:23:36.081 align:center Well, thank God we don't have one of those. 00:23:36.164 --> 00:23:38.917 align:center I guess this proves that we're not cut out for it. 00:23:40.293 --> 00:23:43.046 align:center But Danny, that's a whole different conversation. Come on. 00:23:44.589 --> 00:23:46.925 align:center Listen. 00:23:47.801 --> 00:23:50.262 align:center -What? -Can COVID give you diarrhea? 00:23:50.345 --> 00:23:52.556 align:center It can, yes. 00:23:52.639 --> 00:23:53.890 align:center Oh boy. 00:24:08.363 --> 00:24:11.533 align:center There's so much food, and everything tastes like metal. 00:24:12.159 --> 00:24:15.620 align:center I can't wait to blast this everywhere in an hour. 00:24:16.830 --> 00:24:18.415 align:center Thank you, Nick, 00:24:18.498 --> 00:24:21.209 align:center for the best worst Thanksgiving of my life. 00:24:22.836 --> 00:24:25.839 align:center I am sorry that I made everyone come here. 00:24:27.340 --> 00:24:31.052 align:center And I am sorry that Jack made everyone sick. 00:24:36.558 --> 00:24:38.560 align:center But I need you guys. 00:24:39.060 --> 00:24:40.645 align:center Like a donkey. 00:24:41.480 --> 00:24:45.775 align:center Did you know that you can't just have one donkey? 00:24:45.859 --> 00:24:48.778 align:center You have to have two donkeys, 00:24:48.862 --> 00:24:50.280 align:center or else they go insane. 00:24:50.989 --> 00:24:52.282 align:center This is true. 00:24:53.158 --> 00:24:54.576 align:center It's true. 00:24:56.369 --> 00:24:57.829 align:center Bless you, honey. 00:25:08.590 --> 00:25:09.424 align:center Oh! 00:25:10.133 --> 00:25:12.928 align:center Somebody brought a whole pie, and I never even put it out. 00:25:15.847 --> 00:25:18.475 align:center That was glass. Why did you just throw that out? 00:25:18.558 --> 00:25:20.060 align:center Uh-- 00:25:20.143 --> 00:25:22.562 align:center That's a fresh pie. We can have it tomorrow. 00:25:22.646 --> 00:25:24.022 align:center I-- I, uh-- 00:25:24.105 --> 00:25:25.106 align:center We don't… 00:25:26.900 --> 00:25:28.193 align:center Are you okay? 00:25:32.531 --> 00:25:35.075 align:center The person who kept texting me was a woman. 00:25:35.659 --> 00:25:37.202 align:center I did not sleep with her. 00:25:37.285 --> 00:25:39.746 align:center I did kiss her. 00:25:40.622 --> 00:25:43.792 align:center A stupid, meaningless flirtation. 00:25:44.376 --> 00:25:48.255 align:center And it's completely over, and it'll never happen again. 00:25:51.800 --> 00:25:54.427 align:center Yeah, but it probably will happen again though, right, Nick? 00:25:54.511 --> 00:25:57.389 align:center No, Annie, it won't. 00:25:58.473 --> 00:25:59.516 align:center Okay. 00:26:01.351 --> 00:26:03.853 align:center What about the woman at the golf tournament a couple years ago, 00:26:03.937 --> 00:26:05.146 align:center the brunette? 00:26:05.230 --> 00:26:07.399 align:center You remember, the one with the nails? 00:26:09.734 --> 00:26:11.486 align:center Yes. 00:26:11.570 --> 00:26:12.737 align:center Mm. 00:26:15.490 --> 00:26:16.741 align:center I knew it. 00:26:16.825 --> 00:26:18.410 align:center I fucked up. I'm sorry. 00:26:19.953 --> 00:26:21.621 align:center I love you. 00:26:22.372 --> 00:26:23.790 align:center Please don't leave me. 00:26:24.374 --> 00:26:25.834 align:center God, you're a douchebag. 00:26:26.960 --> 00:26:28.753 align:center You don't think I'm gonna leave you, 00:26:28.837 --> 00:26:32.632 align:center because you think I don't know how to live without you. 00:26:32.716 --> 00:26:35.885 align:center And that is why this is so fucking mean. 00:26:35.969 --> 00:26:36.803 align:center Oh, honey… 00:26:36.886 --> 00:26:40.890 align:center No, do not come near me. Fuck this. I'm done! 00:27:09.419 --> 00:27:11.296 align:center Fuck. 00:27:48.166 --> 00:27:50.335 align:center I cannot be here for Christmas. is. I'm done!