WEBVTT

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Imagine you fall in love
with someone who made you feel accepted,

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wanted,

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seen.

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Who made you feel whole

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and loved and just special.

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And you are just so happy.

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And then they say to you,

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"I've done a horrible, horrible thing."

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It is the remote,
rugged edge of the Highlands

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that held the darkest
sinister secret for years.

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Something so vile
it flips your entire world upside down.

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Mountain rescue teams search

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for a man who's been missing
for more than a week.

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There was not
a single trace of him alive ever again.

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He's effectively disappeared
into thin air.

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To remain in love,

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you have to keep this secret
that you know is gonna destroy you.

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But if you reveal it,
then you destroy everything.

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What would you do?

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I see…

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In 2020, I thought I had my life sussed.

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I'm 29 years old,

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and I've been with my long-term partner
for eight years.

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We had good wages,

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and we had our first home.

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We even got a dog.

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So, everything I'd hoped for
had come true at this point.

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I just assumed we'd be getting married
and we'd be having children

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and following suit
with what our parents had done.

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What if it's…

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I met Caroline
at medical school in Edinburgh,

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and we became very close friends.

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She is fiercely intelligent,

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high-achieving.

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She's got a photographic memory,
so medicine came very easily.

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In her final year at university,
she got a new boyfriend.

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They were together
until their late twenties,

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then it all fell to pieces.

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Love…

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Me and my partner had a horrible breakup.

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He admits to a terrible betrayal,

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and you realize all of those
seven, eight years have been a lie.

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Not meant…

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The end of her relationship was
like a thermonuclear bomb had gone off,

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and everything just fell to pieces
very rapidly.

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It completely ripped my heart out,
and it was all for nothing.

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I felt so lonely,

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and I wanted to find someone
who didn't want to change me,

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and someone who would want
to start a life together with marriage

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and with the prospect of children.

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I see the signs of a lifetime…

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Morning, Glasgow!

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You 'til I die

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I was working as a pathologist in Glasgow.

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We are the doctors
that determine the cause of death.

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But a mortuary isn't exactly the place
to meet the man of your dreams.

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So I did what everyone does
and I get Tinder.

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What could possibly go wrong?

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So you're making your profile…

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…and I realized that a lot of these men

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spent way more time
looking in the mirror than I did.

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Then I was like,
"I'm really struggling here."

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Glasgow, even though it's a city,
is not a huge city.

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That's why you've just
got to set your radius far.

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Just take in most of Scotland.

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You know, cast your net wide.

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And let's just see what happens.

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And then I saw this gamekeeper pop up.

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I was just hit by men in kilts.

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It said, "Six-foot-four Highlander."

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"Lonely contractor looking for someone
to keep him warm

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on the cold nights on the farm."

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And I thought, "Oof."

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He had a hunting agency,

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and he had pictures of up in the hills.

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It's that sort of idea
of a man who is like,

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if Armageddon came, he could fix anything,

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he could hunt anything.

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Like a man's man, you know?

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And I was like, "Yes."

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It pops up and goes, "You have a match."

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So that's when I fired my number over,

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and I was like… You know.

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He immediately messaged me.

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So I was like, "Go on, son."
He's got balls. He's gone for it.

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He said, "Would you like
to come meet me at the farm?"

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"We could go for a drive in the hills."

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And I was like,
"That'll be an experience."

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And then I phoned my friend Carla.

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And she was like, "You're driving an hour
and a half. What if it goes wrong?"

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I was like, "I'll be fine.
If nothing else, it'll be a laugh."

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She said, "What if he's a murderer?"

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I was like, "Come on,
get a grip, that won't happen."

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"He won't be a bad man."

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It was an hour
and a half drive, hour fifteen.

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"What am I doing?"

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Right? "But I've committed now."

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You're driving
into the beautiful Highlands.

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He said,
"Then there'll be a wee exit on the right

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with a wee small sign
that says Auch Estate."

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"And that's where I stay."

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And you look down into the Auch Estate.

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And it's got what we call Munros,
which are like mountains in Scotland.

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You're driving into this magical place.

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He was 6'4". He looked like a real man.

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That sounds silly,
but like an outdoorsy man.

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And he had that smell of smoke
and sweat and a bit of aftershave.

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And he had quite a deep voice.

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And I was like, "Ooh!" Nervous. Um…

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So, it was like, "Hi." "Hi."

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"Cool." "Nice."

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"Great weather." "Lovely."

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"You live here?
This is-- This is where you stay?"

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I said, "Do you own this?"

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And he's like, "No, no, no."
I was like, "Oh. Shit."

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He said, "Ready for a day in the hills?"
I was like, "Yes, please."

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And you come up to a ravine
or a river crossing.

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He said, "Wanna do it?"
I said, "You sure? How do I do this?"

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He said, "First gear, keep it steady."

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-I stay in first?
-Yeah.

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Whoo! Fun! Wow.

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And I was like, "Can I sing in the car?"
He's like, "Yes."

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I said, "Sure?"
He said, "Why wouldn't you?"

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My last partner told me
I was sometimes too much.

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I'd been banned from singing in the car.
I was never allowed to.

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Whereas this guy was like,
"I just want you to be you."

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He was belting it out.

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And he's doing all the wee high voices.

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And he's doing wee dance moves.

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I thought,
"This guy's an absolute goofball."

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"But he's alive and he's going with it.
He's so relaxed."

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And I felt so happy.

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He said, "Would you like to see me again?"
I was like, "Yes."

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I said, "Would you like to see me again?"
He was like, "Well, yes."

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And I was like, "Okay, when?"

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He said, "Tomorrow?" I was like, "Done."

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After our first date,
things moved quite fast.

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Because he was far away
and it wasn't down the road,

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you'd have to commit
and go for the weekend.

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Sweaty.

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I'm going from the cold mortuary

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to a farmer's cottage
with big homemade meals and dogs.

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He was fun and he had banter.

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And he got my silly puns, right?

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I was falling for him,
hook, line, and sinker.

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Hey.

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Farmers have a very
"work hard, play hard" lifestyle.

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So when they then get together,
oh, they get together.

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And then you've got a shed, right,
with a big-ass speaker, with bass.

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And they can just rock up in their trucks.

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And then he would look out and he'd go,

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"Right…" "…out, quad bikes, let's go."

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I'd say, "I'm exhausted,
I don't wanna go."

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He said, "Trust me, it'll be special."

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The views were really unreal.

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It was just us. Us against the universe.

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-Need my pants.
-Get your clothes on, lad.

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Ha, ha!

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Oh, yeah.

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Here I am standing in the middle
of this Scottish Highland estate.

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And it's like you own the place.

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That was when I realized
I loved him and I felt loved.

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He seemed proud to have me there.

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And I think
that made me feel really special.

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Can we stop?

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They seemed infatuated with each other.

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There were lots of pictures of them
enmeshed on social media.

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Cuddled up on hillsides, kissing.

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I thought it was unlikely
that she'd suddenly stumbled upon

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the best man ever.

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Everyone knew that she'd recently been
out of a very challenging relationship.

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And I told her that I thought
that she should just take things slowly

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and that she was
still not completely sorted.

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And she didn't listen.

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Good morning!

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Over the last month, six weeks, I'd stayed
every weekend 'til the Monday morning,

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and get up at, like, half past four

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or five o'clock in the morning
to drive back,

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so I could have extra time.

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-Hello. Mortuary.
-It's Caroline.

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Two minutes.

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-Are you at the front door?
-Aye.

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-See you soon.
-See you soon.

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Sandy was very interested in my work.

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He was like, "Know what, that's great,

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because I can tell you what I do
and you won't be squeamish."

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"You won't think
it's disgusting or macabre."

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Sandy had started his own hunting agency.

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To maintain the estates, you have to cull
some of the larger numbers of the deer.

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We both had to deal with death
on a daily basis.

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Postmortems were a big part of my job.

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A postmortem is when someone's passed away
and the cause of death is unknown.

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You go in, there'll be a body,
and you take a PM40 blade,

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and you cut through the fat
until you get into the abdomen,

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and you then move the insides.

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So you'll have the tongue in one hand
and the anus in the other.

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It's all in one. It's called the pluck.

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Sandy would also have
to remove the insides.

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And he would do that so fast,
and when you blink, it'd be done.

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He was very, very equipped
with knife skills and handling meat.

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There was this very, very niche,
but weird overlap of a skill set.

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Ah, Mondays…

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He was like, "I've never had someone
who I can talk to about death so much

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and it be okay."

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How do you start your day, my friend?

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Sandy has a twin brother called Robert.

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So him and Robert were born and raised
on the Auch Estate.

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They spent all their time together.
They'd finish each other's sentences.

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They could sense
what the other was thinking.

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They were quite the pair, well known
in the community around the estate.

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I knew Sandy and Robert.

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They used to frequent the bar, you know,

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if they had guys staying at the estate
they were taking out stalking.

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Sandy was always loud and bullish
and boyish and, you know…

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If the first pint lasted five minutes,

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he would have another one
probably within five minutes.

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Sandy was this really demonstrative,
kind, loving, affectionate,

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a little bit shy at times,
quirky, goofy guy.

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And then it would be
that one more drink, and it'd be, bang.

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It'd be like a complete mask.

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He'd even look and sound different.
His eyes would be glazed over.

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His energy changed.

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It went from very light to dark.

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He could be then angry at the world,

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and take that frustration out
on anyone nearby.

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He would become a pain, let's say.

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The seat would get pushed aside,
he'd be waving about the bar.

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After eight or ten whiskeys, you know,

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he's louder than he ever was, you know,
and he kind of looks worse for wear.

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-You gonna try and deny it?
-I'm not.

00:14:43.800 --> 00:14:44.920 align:center
Okay.

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I never said-- I never denied it, but--

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You just denied it ten times.

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Look at you.

00:14:56.400 --> 00:15:00.319 align:center
There's a picture of the boys
at their cousin's wedding.

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And that would've been about, maybe,
three or four years before I met Sandy.

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And they're in their kilts,
looking very dapper,

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and they are a pair of tens, right?

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And I'm looking at them now,
thinking, "Something's really changed."

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They looked like they were unhappy.

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Is something bothering him?
Because drinking and recreational drugs,

00:15:23.719 --> 00:15:26.439 align:center
yes, it can be fun for a party,
but if they're a crutch,

00:15:26.520 --> 00:15:27.839 align:center
you need to ask yourself why.

00:15:30.959 --> 00:15:33.079 align:center
It was one
of the first parties in the barn…

00:15:35.079 --> 00:15:38.680 align:center
…that Robert, his twin brother,
took me aside, and Robert went,

00:15:38.760 --> 00:15:41.520 align:center
"My brother, he's not right in the head.
He's not well."

00:15:46.360 --> 00:15:49.160 align:center
I was so consumed by my affection

00:15:49.240 --> 00:15:51.719 align:center
that I was blindsided to the red flags.

00:15:51.800 --> 00:15:54.000 align:center
Part of me thought,
because I'd come from a sad situation,

00:15:54.079 --> 00:15:56.280 align:center
that the two of us could heal each other.

00:15:58.920 --> 00:16:01.319 align:center
When he was being "Good Sandy,"
so to speak,

00:16:01.400 --> 00:16:04.280 align:center
you'd just be so enveloped
in the love and affection.

00:16:06.680 --> 00:16:10.079 align:center
And that was that sense of wanting
that I hadn't had in so long,

00:16:10.160 --> 00:16:13.479 align:center
and I couldn't help
but just get swept up by it.

00:16:16.079 --> 00:16:19.319 align:center
We met in early October,
and it was coming to the end of November,

00:16:19.400 --> 00:16:23.160 align:center
and his uncle owned an estate.

00:16:24.839 --> 00:16:27.079 align:center
And on his private estate
would do private shoots.

00:16:28.359 --> 00:16:31.000 align:center
So Sandy said, "You need to start
practicing how to shoot."

00:16:31.079 --> 00:16:33.160 align:center
"So I'll go and get a clay pigeon trap."

00:16:35.520 --> 00:16:38.280 align:center
And it was… exhilarating.

00:16:38.359 --> 00:16:39.439 align:center
Oh yeah.

00:16:43.120 --> 00:16:44.560 align:center
RIP.

00:16:44.640 --> 00:16:47.520 align:center
During the shoot,
his uncle had said he would get us a peg,

00:16:47.599 --> 00:16:50.839 align:center
which is the name
for the area you stand to shoot together,

00:16:50.920 --> 00:16:53.560 align:center
as an engagement gift
or a wedding present.

00:16:53.640 --> 00:16:56.920 align:center
And I was like, "I beg your pardon?"

00:16:57.000 --> 00:17:00.079 align:center
But Sandy kinda gave me
a wee look and a wee smirk,

00:17:00.160 --> 00:17:01.760 align:center
and was like, "Mm-mm."

00:17:01.839 --> 00:17:04.240 align:center
And I was like, "Eh, ew…"

00:17:05.599 --> 00:17:08.839 align:center
Sandy had said, kind of outside,
"I wasn't joking, Caroline."

00:17:08.919 --> 00:17:12.000 align:center
"I would be so proud if you were my wife."

00:17:12.079 --> 00:17:14.520 align:center
And I was like, "Stop it. Really?"

00:17:16.520 --> 00:17:18.960 align:center
"We're gonna marry?
You haven't got on one knee."

00:17:19.040 --> 00:17:21.880 align:center
"I don't even have a ring."

00:17:21.960 --> 00:17:23.960 align:center
"How can we get married without a ring?"

00:17:24.040 --> 00:17:25.720 align:center
He said, "We have to get you a ring."

00:17:32.120 --> 00:17:35.600 align:center
He said he'd always fantasized
about building a jetty down on Loch Lyon

00:17:35.680 --> 00:17:37.320 align:center
and getting married on the jetty.

00:17:38.560 --> 00:17:42.240 align:center
The idea that someone
actually wanted to marry me…

00:17:42.320 --> 00:17:44.000 align:center
Yeah, I mean, I know it sounds silly,

00:17:44.080 --> 00:17:46.919 align:center
and it's all about women
being independent and strong,

00:17:47.000 --> 00:17:50.440 align:center
but I'd always fantasized about the idea
that someone chooses me.

00:17:50.520 --> 00:17:51.840 align:center
And I was so excited.

00:17:54.760 --> 00:17:56.080 align:center
Oh!

00:17:59.159 --> 00:18:01.600 align:center
Why not?

00:18:03.960 --> 00:18:06.520 align:center
We were in the front room,
and Caroline phoned.

00:18:06.600 --> 00:18:08.960 align:center
She was almost giddily incoherent,

00:18:09.040 --> 00:18:13.800 align:center
and in my heart,
I knew exactly what she was gonna say.

00:18:13.880 --> 00:18:15.320 align:center
I knew it. And I was…

00:18:15.399 --> 00:18:19.280 align:center
In my head, I was going,
"No, no, no, please, no."

00:18:19.360 --> 00:18:22.640 align:center
I was like, "Mum, this man actually said
he might want to marry me."

00:18:22.720 --> 00:18:24.760 align:center
And she went, "I beg your pardon. I've…"

00:18:24.840 --> 00:18:26.800 align:center
"Stephen, Stephen, we've not met him yet."

00:18:28.200 --> 00:18:29.800 align:center
Just, "Aren't you happy for me?"

00:18:29.880 --> 00:18:34.320 align:center
I went, "Yes, uh, of course,
we're incredibly happy, but it…"

00:18:34.399 --> 00:18:36.919 align:center
"Just take your time.
Don't rush into the next thing."

00:18:41.560 --> 00:18:45.399 align:center
She sent a group-chat message
telling us this.

00:18:46.399 --> 00:18:49.520 align:center
And there was radio silence
from all my other friends on that group

00:18:49.600 --> 00:18:51.880 align:center
who were just… …blanking it.

00:18:53.120 --> 00:18:56.800 align:center
Everyone felt very uncomfortable about it
and thought this was a massive mistake.

00:18:56.880 --> 00:19:00.440 align:center
And I think in response to that,
Caroline had phoned me

00:19:00.520 --> 00:19:01.679 align:center
to talk about it,

00:19:01.760 --> 00:19:03.760 align:center
and it sounded absolutely fucking mental.

00:19:03.840 --> 00:19:06.000 align:center
And I was like,
"This is absolutely crazy."

00:19:06.080 --> 00:19:08.560 align:center
And it all just seemed far too much

00:19:08.640 --> 00:19:11.840 align:center
far too soon after the breakup
of her last relationship.

00:19:11.919 --> 00:19:15.640 align:center
I had this devil-may-care attitude
of, "Do you know what, guys,

00:19:15.720 --> 00:19:18.480 align:center
I understand your concern,
but you all have happy endings."

00:19:18.560 --> 00:19:19.520 align:center
"I want mine."

00:19:19.600 --> 00:19:21.600 align:center
"What's the worst that could happen?"

00:19:24.240 --> 00:19:26.720 align:center
Yes, it is rushed. And yes, it's crazy.

00:19:26.800 --> 00:19:28.840 align:center
But see, in the moment,

00:19:28.919 --> 00:19:30.320 align:center
it just felt unstoppable.

00:19:30.399 --> 00:19:32.240 align:center
She said, "He announced it on Facebook."

00:19:32.320 --> 00:19:36.080 align:center
And I was like, "Oh, uh… okay."

00:19:40.560 --> 00:19:43.240 align:center
I was happy that my daughter was happy.

00:19:44.280 --> 00:19:46.760 align:center
I was unhappy about

00:19:48.320 --> 00:19:51.240 align:center
him announcing that
they were engaged when really,

00:19:51.320 --> 00:19:53.040 align:center
it had only been a few months.

00:19:53.120 --> 00:19:55.399 align:center
"Stephen, we need to meet him. That's it."

00:19:55.480 --> 00:19:57.760 align:center
"He's coming.
He has to come for Christmas Day."

00:19:57.840 --> 00:20:01.159 align:center
We were… disquieted, I suppose.

00:20:01.240 --> 00:20:02.080 align:center
Taken aback.

00:20:03.040 --> 00:20:06.600 align:center
But I certainly wasn't
going to burst her bubble.

00:20:12.480 --> 00:20:15.320 align:center
We're driving back that night,
and I thought to myself,

00:20:15.399 --> 00:20:16.840 align:center
"This is the time to ask him

00:20:16.919 --> 00:20:19.960 align:center
if there's anything
he isn't telling me that I need to know."

00:20:20.040 --> 00:20:21.840 align:center
I said, "If we're getting married,

00:20:21.919 --> 00:20:24.200 align:center
you need to tell me
everything you're proud of

00:20:24.280 --> 00:20:26.320 align:center
and everything you're not proud of."

00:20:26.399 --> 00:20:28.760 align:center
"We have to trust each other,
and there's no lies."

00:20:31.240 --> 00:20:34.399 align:center
He became more sullen
and started to have quite heavy breathing.

00:20:35.159 --> 00:20:38.240 align:center
The heavy breathing
turned into, like, sobs.

00:20:38.320 --> 00:20:42.280 align:center
And I was like, "Sandy,
if you have a child, I should know."

00:20:42.360 --> 00:20:44.120 align:center
And he's like, "No, it's not a child."

00:20:44.200 --> 00:20:46.200 align:center
I said, "Okay, is it debt?"

00:20:46.280 --> 00:20:48.520 align:center
He went, "No, it's not debt."

00:20:48.600 --> 00:20:49.679 align:center
And…

00:20:50.760 --> 00:20:53.800 align:center
he looked at me,
and he's like, "Do you love me?"

00:20:53.880 --> 00:20:56.880 align:center
And I was like,
"Well, yeah, I do," you know.

00:20:58.040 --> 00:21:01.399 align:center
And he's like,
"Well, then I need to tell you something."

00:21:02.520 --> 00:21:04.280 align:center
And he said, "Pull over."

00:21:05.040 --> 00:21:06.919 align:center
So I pull over the car.

00:21:07.000 --> 00:21:10.480 align:center
And he leant over
and grabbed the keys from the ignition

00:21:10.560 --> 00:21:13.919 align:center
and put them in his pocket,
and then said, "Give me your phone."

00:21:15.280 --> 00:21:18.320 align:center
He put it in the glove compartment
and said, "Get out of the car."

00:21:20.800 --> 00:21:22.520 align:center
I'm a bit stunned.

00:21:23.520 --> 00:21:27.720 align:center
He said, "I've actually been building up
the courage to tell you all day."

00:21:27.800 --> 00:21:29.000 align:center
And he was like,

00:21:29.080 --> 00:21:33.320 align:center
"I've never loved and trusted someone
as much as I've loved and trusted you."

00:21:33.919 --> 00:21:39.320 align:center
And he then said that he'd-- there'd been
something happened a few years before.

00:21:39.399 --> 00:21:41.720 align:center
And I said,
"What happened a few years before?"

00:21:50.080 --> 00:21:52.240 align:center
Him and Robert had had a hunting party up,

00:21:52.320 --> 00:21:54.760 align:center
staying at the Bridge of Orchy pub,

00:21:54.840 --> 00:21:57.919 align:center
which is maybe
a mile and a half from the estate.

00:21:58.560 --> 00:22:01.120 align:center
On one of the last nights,
the party were celebrating

00:22:01.200 --> 00:22:02.800 align:center
a successful day being on the hill.

00:22:02.880 --> 00:22:06.040 align:center
And Robert and Sandy
had been drinking at that meal.

00:22:09.080 --> 00:22:11.120 align:center
He said they left the meal.

00:22:12.200 --> 00:22:16.320 align:center
They wanted to see their friend in Oban.
And so they were over the limit.

00:22:23.360 --> 00:22:26.960 align:center
And it was on the way back,
driving back to the estate.

00:22:34.919 --> 00:22:38.280 align:center
He'd said that
a big truck came with full beam

00:22:38.840 --> 00:22:39.919 align:center
and blinded him.

00:22:42.760 --> 00:22:45.000 align:center
In that moment, he then hit a cyclist.

00:22:45.080 --> 00:22:47.640 align:center
And the man had flown over the car.

00:22:47.720 --> 00:22:49.439 align:center
And so they stopped.

00:22:51.840 --> 00:22:55.760 align:center
And I said, "Well, was he okay?
Was he alive? Was he…"

00:22:55.840 --> 00:22:59.880 align:center
He was like, "He was hit at high speed.
There's no way he was alive."

00:23:01.080 --> 00:23:03.520 align:center
Sandy said they were
fighting with each other

00:23:03.600 --> 00:23:05.280 align:center
about whether to go to the police.

00:23:05.880 --> 00:23:08.800 align:center
I said, "Did you call help?"
He said, "What would we have done?"

00:23:08.880 --> 00:23:11.439 align:center
"If we'd called the police,
I'd have lost everything."

00:23:11.520 --> 00:23:12.720 align:center
"We'd have gone to jail

00:23:12.800 --> 00:23:15.600 align:center
and lost our lives for a man
that should never have been there."

00:23:15.679 --> 00:23:17.480 align:center
"These are 70-mile-an-hour roads."

00:23:19.520 --> 00:23:22.919 align:center
"If they find we've done this,
we'll be in jail the rest of our lives."

00:23:23.000 --> 00:23:25.399 align:center
"And we lose everything
we've ever worked for."

00:23:25.480 --> 00:23:27.520 align:center
"We're not bad people.
It's not our fault."

00:23:27.600 --> 00:23:29.520 align:center
"It's just an accident. It's a mistake."

00:23:29.600 --> 00:23:32.240 align:center
"Everyone makes mistakes.
Most people get away with them."

00:23:35.439 --> 00:23:38.480 align:center
"And we panicked and we buried him."

00:23:43.200 --> 00:23:45.760 align:center
And I said,
"What do you mean, you buried him?"

00:23:46.360 --> 00:23:50.760 align:center
And he said, "He's on the estate.
You jog past him every day."

00:23:50.840 --> 00:23:56.960 align:center
"He's right beneath your feet
when you shoot your clay pigeons."

00:24:06.960 --> 00:24:09.320 align:center
He was like,
"Caroline, it was an accident."

00:24:09.399 --> 00:24:11.960 align:center
"We didn't mean to do it.
I'm not a bad person."

00:24:13.399 --> 00:24:15.240 align:center
I believed what he was saying.

00:24:16.399 --> 00:24:18.840 align:center
I was so stunned in that moment.

00:24:18.919 --> 00:24:21.919 align:center
I just told him that I loved him,
because he was crying,

00:24:22.000 --> 00:24:24.880 align:center
and that good people make mistakes.

00:24:25.880 --> 00:24:27.280 align:center
He was, like, joyful.

00:24:27.360 --> 00:24:30.040 align:center
Like there was this massive weight
I took off his shoulders.

00:24:30.120 --> 00:24:32.679 align:center
And he's just soothing me
and kissing my head

00:24:32.760 --> 00:24:36.600 align:center
and saying, "I'm so glad we can
deal with this, and I love you so much."

00:24:36.679 --> 00:24:38.720 align:center
I'm like, "Yeah, don't worry."

00:24:38.800 --> 00:24:41.399 align:center
And so we walked
hand in hand back to the car.

00:24:43.159 --> 00:24:44.720 align:center
We drove in silence.

00:24:46.000 --> 00:24:50.439 align:center
I've just told my mum and dad
that this man was to marry me.

00:24:50.520 --> 00:24:52.360 align:center
And I've just told my friends.

00:24:53.240 --> 00:24:55.080 align:center
I just thought,

00:24:55.159 --> 00:24:57.320 align:center
"I feel so ashamed."

00:24:57.399 --> 00:25:01.320 align:center
And everything that I'd run away from
was now ten times worse.

00:25:04.520 --> 00:25:08.280 align:center
When we arrived back at the house,
I said I was very tired and going to bed.

00:25:11.040 --> 00:25:12.000 align:center
While he was asleep,

00:25:12.080 --> 00:25:14.000 align:center
I got my phone out and I went on Google.

00:25:16.439 --> 00:25:17.800 align:center
And then there it pops up.

00:25:18.600 --> 00:25:20.000 align:center
His photo,

00:25:20.080 --> 00:25:21.439 align:center
his name,

00:25:21.520 --> 00:25:23.080 align:center
the date,

00:25:23.159 --> 00:25:25.399 align:center
the Bridge of Orchy Hotel,

00:25:25.480 --> 00:25:26.480 align:center
his bike.

00:25:26.560 --> 00:25:29.679 align:center
CCTV images of a missing cyclist
have been issued

00:25:29.760 --> 00:25:33.040 align:center
one year on from his disappearance,
and a fresh appeal for information…

00:25:33.120 --> 00:25:36.679 align:center
Cancer survivor Tony Parsons
had been crossing Scotland

00:25:36.760 --> 00:25:39.360 align:center
in a 100-mile charity cycle.

00:25:39.439 --> 00:25:42.000 align:center
Here, in September 2017,

00:25:42.080 --> 00:25:45.199 align:center
the Navy veteran was captured on CCTV

00:25:45.280 --> 00:25:47.360 align:center
weaving through the rural roads.

00:25:51.159 --> 00:25:54.040 align:center
Myself and one of my colleagues
had just finished in the bar.

00:25:54.120 --> 00:25:56.399 align:center
The bar was locked up.
We were doing the cash up.

00:25:56.480 --> 00:25:59.760 align:center
And I heard that…
There was a knock on the door.

00:26:06.000 --> 00:26:09.080 align:center
So I opened the door,
and this gentleman was standing there.

00:26:10.199 --> 00:26:11.439 align:center
He looked miserable.

00:26:11.520 --> 00:26:13.120 align:center
He was soaked right through.

00:26:13.919 --> 00:26:16.320 align:center
He had a poncho, he had on.

00:26:17.240 --> 00:26:20.080 align:center
And I said, "Sorry, the bar's closed."

00:26:20.159 --> 00:26:23.600 align:center
So we made him a cup of coffee,
and I think I gave him a biscuit.

00:26:26.320 --> 00:26:29.320 align:center
He said he was cycling
from Fort William to Stirling.

00:26:29.399 --> 00:26:30.720 align:center
He was doing it for charity.

00:26:30.800 --> 00:26:35.399 align:center
It's not a road to be taken lightly
in any kind of vehicle,

00:26:35.480 --> 00:26:38.520 align:center
but on a bike at that time of night,

00:26:38.600 --> 00:26:40.960 align:center
the visibility would have been terrible.

00:26:44.320 --> 00:26:45.520 align:center
I kind of says to him,

00:26:45.600 --> 00:26:49.399 align:center
"Would you like to maybe see
if I can get you a room for tonight?"

00:26:49.480 --> 00:26:51.080 align:center
But he was just so determined

00:26:51.159 --> 00:26:54.840 align:center
that, "No," and he needed
to get to his final destination.

00:26:54.919 --> 00:26:57.240 align:center
He just kind of went outside,
and he was gone.

00:27:02.280 --> 00:27:06.439 align:center
He's embarked on this charity cycle
and effectively disappeared into thin air.

00:27:09.159 --> 00:27:11.159 align:center
And I was like, "Fuck me."

00:27:12.080 --> 00:27:15.159 align:center
"That's someone's dad.
He's the same age as my dad."

00:27:16.159 --> 00:27:17.520 align:center
And they were looking for him.

00:27:17.600 --> 00:27:19.439 align:center
They had all these appeals.

00:27:19.520 --> 00:27:21.439 align:center
The family desperately searching.

00:27:22.840 --> 00:27:27.040 align:center
So you just do your best
to try and close your eyes and breathe.

00:27:27.679 --> 00:27:30.040 align:center
And this person's arm flops around you.

00:27:30.120 --> 00:27:33.280 align:center
You're repulsed by it, but what do you do?

00:27:33.919 --> 00:27:36.600 align:center
I'm now realizing
I have to go to the police about this,

00:27:36.679 --> 00:27:39.120 align:center
but I didn't really know how to leave.

00:27:42.360 --> 00:27:44.080 align:center
I was too afraid to sleep.

00:27:45.159 --> 00:27:46.720 align:center
I'm just trying to keep calm.

00:27:49.120 --> 00:27:51.159 align:center
It's a Monday morning, early morning.

00:27:51.240 --> 00:27:53.880 align:center
Sandy had a long lie-in.

00:27:56.800 --> 00:27:59.919 align:center
I'm leaving at half six in the morning
to drive to work.

00:28:00.000 --> 00:28:04.360 align:center
Everything has to get dealt with in time.
But now, I have to do my fucking job.

00:28:04.439 --> 00:28:07.080 align:center
I can't let everything just crumble.

00:28:10.800 --> 00:28:14.480 align:center
And I arrive at work, and the manager
hands me the paperwork for the cases.

00:28:14.560 --> 00:28:17.480 align:center
And there was a man
lying there on the slab.

00:28:17.560 --> 00:28:21.360 align:center
And it was just so eerily…

00:28:22.880 --> 00:28:26.720 align:center
like the man
I'm now envisaging in my mind.

00:28:28.679 --> 00:28:29.840 align:center
And I really struggled.

00:28:29.919 --> 00:28:32.800 align:center
I actually forgot
to write my organ weights down.

00:28:33.560 --> 00:28:34.760 align:center
The consultant came.

00:28:34.840 --> 00:28:37.959 align:center
She said, "You've not done this, that.
It's unlike you."

00:28:40.199 --> 00:28:43.159 align:center
And, um, I remember
standing outside the mortuary doors.

00:28:45.679 --> 00:28:47.480 align:center
My phone rings and it's Sandy.

00:28:48.800 --> 00:28:50.480 align:center
And he says, "I'm so excited."

00:28:50.560 --> 00:28:54.840 align:center
"I've spoke to the celebrant in Oban
to see if we can get married at the loch."

00:28:58.320 --> 00:29:01.679 align:center
"I managed to get an appointment with her,
and she'll call you tomorrow."

00:29:01.760 --> 00:29:03.560 align:center
"Right, okay."

00:29:04.399 --> 00:29:07.199 align:center
You know, so as if nothing had…

00:29:07.280 --> 00:29:09.320 align:center
So in his mind, it was full steam ahead.

00:29:11.000 --> 00:29:12.800 align:center
You could've not gone to work

00:29:12.879 --> 00:29:15.679 align:center
and driven to a police station
and told them what happened.

00:29:16.399 --> 00:29:18.000 align:center
The thing is, people might say,

00:29:18.080 --> 00:29:20.800 align:center
"Why'd you not go
to the police immediately?"

00:29:20.879 --> 00:29:23.520 align:center
My brain wasn't in a position yet
to go to the police.

00:29:24.120 --> 00:29:28.439 align:center
My brain was still not really accepting
what I'd been told.

00:29:28.520 --> 00:29:30.720 align:center
The underlying sense of panic
was so massive,

00:29:30.800 --> 00:29:35.120 align:center
I actually couldn't address it
at that moment.

00:29:35.199 --> 00:29:38.280 align:center
My brain just stuck itself in the middle,

00:29:38.360 --> 00:29:40.959 align:center
refusing to let
either of those thoughts come in.

00:29:43.280 --> 00:29:44.600 align:center
So, during that week,

00:29:44.679 --> 00:29:47.560 align:center
I would be receiving messages
from friends, family,

00:29:47.639 --> 00:29:51.520 align:center
saying, "Oh, well, well, well,
Caroline's gonna get married."

00:29:52.760 --> 00:29:54.760 align:center
And I just said, "Thank you."

00:29:54.840 --> 00:29:57.000 align:center
While thinking,
"How will you get out of this?"

00:29:58.320 --> 00:30:02.080 align:center
My mum had said, "You have to invite
Sandy around for Christmas."

00:30:02.159 --> 00:30:04.840 align:center
"We need to meet him.
We need to meet him. Come 'round."

00:30:04.919 --> 00:30:07.120 align:center
So that was already in the calendar.

00:30:07.199 --> 00:30:11.720 align:center
My parents were so upset and disappointed

00:30:11.800 --> 00:30:14.120 align:center
in how my last relationship ended.

00:30:14.199 --> 00:30:17.399 align:center
How do you even begin
to have that conversation of,

00:30:17.480 --> 00:30:20.679 align:center
"Do you know what,
actually, they're a killer"?

00:30:20.760 --> 00:30:22.840 align:center
I've fucked up again.

00:30:25.280 --> 00:30:26.720 align:center
You're delaying the inevitable,

00:30:26.800 --> 00:30:31.639 align:center
thinking, "Just get through Christmas,
and then we'll deal with it."

00:30:33.560 --> 00:30:36.879 align:center
So, as awful as it sounds
and as shameful as it sounds,

00:30:36.959 --> 00:30:39.280 align:center
I went and picked Sandy up
on the Friday night,

00:30:39.360 --> 00:30:41.199 align:center
and we drove to my parents.

00:30:41.879 --> 00:30:44.679 align:center
Hi, Blue. Hello.

00:30:44.760 --> 00:30:46.679 align:center
Come on. Come on.

00:30:46.760 --> 00:30:47.919 align:center
Hiya.

00:30:48.000 --> 00:30:49.080 align:center
Hello.

00:30:49.159 --> 00:30:50.679 align:center
Oh…

00:30:50.760 --> 00:30:51.959 align:center
Hi, darling.

00:30:52.040 --> 00:30:54.439 align:center
There, pride and place,
on the mantelpiece,

00:30:54.520 --> 00:30:57.720 align:center
she'd printed off two photos
and got them framed of him and I.

00:30:57.800 --> 00:31:00.919 align:center
Oh my God. Uh… Uh…

00:31:01.000 --> 00:31:02.120 align:center
For scale.

00:31:04.159 --> 00:31:06.600 align:center
And he then sees the pictures
on the mantelpiece,

00:31:06.679 --> 00:31:08.240 align:center
and he's proud as punch.

00:31:08.959 --> 00:31:13.520 align:center
So I put, um,
some of their pictures in frames,

00:31:13.600 --> 00:31:15.760 align:center
and that was my way of saying,

00:31:15.840 --> 00:31:17.399 align:center
our way of saying,

00:31:17.480 --> 00:31:19.320 align:center
"We accept that you're a couple."

00:31:19.399 --> 00:31:21.439 align:center
-"You're welcome in our home."
-Mm-hm.

00:31:21.520 --> 00:31:23.600 align:center
And to make them…

00:31:23.679 --> 00:31:25.280 align:center
to see it was an act of love.

00:31:26.840 --> 00:31:28.159 align:center
You need a hand, Mum?

00:31:28.800 --> 00:31:31.399 align:center
We had this big family meal,
and, of course, you know,

00:31:31.480 --> 00:31:34.399 align:center
it was the first time we'd all been
back around the table in ages.

00:31:34.480 --> 00:31:35.639 align:center
So the house felt full.

00:31:35.720 --> 00:31:37.120 align:center
Can I photograph?

00:31:37.199 --> 00:31:39.439 align:center
The dog kept putting her head
in Sandy's lap,

00:31:39.520 --> 00:31:40.879 align:center
looking for scraps of food.

00:31:41.760 --> 00:31:44.679 align:center
Sitting right there with her teeth out.

00:31:44.760 --> 00:31:46.120 align:center
Everyone was laughing,

00:31:46.199 --> 00:31:51.439 align:center
and the most horrible thing was
he just fitted into my family so easily.

00:31:51.520 --> 00:31:54.080 align:center
He was smart. He was clean.

00:31:54.159 --> 00:31:55.600 align:center
He was tidy.

00:31:56.199 --> 00:31:58.399 align:center
And he was polite.

00:32:00.439 --> 00:32:02.120 align:center
We were sat here and he said,

00:32:02.199 --> 00:32:06.719 align:center
"Does it bother you that I don't have
the education that Caroline's had?"

00:32:06.800 --> 00:32:09.399 align:center
I said to him,
"It doesn't make any difference at all."

00:32:09.480 --> 00:32:13.600 align:center
"All I care about is
that you have feelings for our daughter,

00:32:13.679 --> 00:32:15.959 align:center
that you will look after her,

00:32:16.040 --> 00:32:17.800 align:center
and that you're a decent human being."

00:32:18.480 --> 00:32:21.760 align:center
And he said,
"I do care. I will look after her."

00:32:21.840 --> 00:32:23.120 align:center
"And I am."

00:32:24.879 --> 00:32:27.240 align:center
My mum was so over the moon

00:32:27.320 --> 00:32:30.159 align:center
that I found someone
who had made me happy,

00:32:30.240 --> 00:32:33.120 align:center
and everyone was
just in this little blissful bubble.

00:32:33.719 --> 00:32:37.399 align:center
It almost felt selfish
if I had burst that bubble,

00:32:37.480 --> 00:32:38.639 align:center
especially around Christmas.

00:32:39.240 --> 00:32:43.439 align:center
In doing the right thing,
I knew I had to hand in the man I loved.

00:32:43.520 --> 00:32:44.679 align:center
There's an element of,

00:32:45.280 --> 00:32:50.879 align:center
"Why don't I just let him remain happy
for just a little while longer?"

00:32:54.679 --> 00:32:58.280 align:center
You know, we can't help, sometimes,
who we fall in love with.

00:33:00.159 --> 00:33:02.520 align:center
I know it sounds
so twisted and dysfunctional,

00:33:02.600 --> 00:33:05.639 align:center
but in some ways
he's putting all this trust in you.

00:33:06.919 --> 00:33:10.480 align:center
Because I'd been lied to before
and really hurt.

00:33:10.560 --> 00:33:14.639 align:center
It was this weird sense
of someone's trusting me enough

00:33:14.719 --> 00:33:16.480 align:center
with such a big secret.

00:33:17.679 --> 00:33:18.760 align:center
That felt special,

00:33:18.840 --> 00:33:21.560 align:center
even though I knew
it was so poisonously wrong.

00:33:30.480 --> 00:33:34.040 align:center
But then he asked me to do something
which shook me to my core.

00:33:36.520 --> 00:33:40.040 align:center
He started to talk about
how the Auch Estate had a new owner,

00:33:40.120 --> 00:33:41.520 align:center
a Hong Kong billionaire owner,

00:33:41.600 --> 00:33:46.560 align:center
who had just had his building plans
permitted from the local council.

00:33:48.560 --> 00:33:50.919 align:center
Sandy said right beside
where that man was buried,

00:33:51.000 --> 00:33:53.520 align:center
they're going to be
ripping the area up for housing.

00:33:54.439 --> 00:33:56.679 align:center
"I need to make sure
that man is out of the ground

00:33:56.760 --> 00:33:58.679 align:center
before, obviously, anyone else finds him."

00:33:59.480 --> 00:34:02.879 align:center
"And… I need you to help me."

00:34:02.959 --> 00:34:06.919 align:center
"And if we can get rid of this problem,
then we can have this life together."

00:34:07.600 --> 00:34:10.799 align:center
And he was asking me how long
it would take to burn a human body.

00:34:10.880 --> 00:34:13.679 align:center
And I was like,
"It depends the state of decomposition."

00:34:13.760 --> 00:34:16.960 align:center
He said, "I poured a shit ton of bleach
on that man, Caroline."

00:34:17.040 --> 00:34:18.639 align:center
"And it was horrible."

00:34:20.000 --> 00:34:22.280 align:center
"It was disgustingly horrible."

00:34:25.920 --> 00:34:27.440 align:center
That was the moment I realized,

00:34:27.520 --> 00:34:30.040 align:center
"I have to go to the police
as soon as I can now."

00:34:30.120 --> 00:34:32.159 align:center
"But to keep him calm in the moment,

00:34:32.239 --> 00:34:35.319 align:center
I now have to go into work mode."

00:34:35.400 --> 00:34:39.159 align:center
And I was like, "Well…
it's actually very hard to burn a body."

00:34:39.239 --> 00:34:42.440 align:center
"You need a crematorium,
which is thousands of degrees hot."

00:34:42.520 --> 00:34:46.040 align:center
"Otherwise, because of people's
visceral fat, it can take days."

00:34:46.120 --> 00:34:50.600 align:center
And then you're thinking to yourself,
"Am I being used for my skill set?"

00:34:50.679 --> 00:34:53.199 align:center
I had "pathologist" on my Tinder profile.

00:34:53.280 --> 00:34:55.639 align:center
Did he choose me specifically because…

00:34:57.360 --> 00:34:59.839 align:center
…he wanted someone to help him with this?

00:35:01.480 --> 00:35:03.640 align:center
What were the chances that

00:35:03.720 --> 00:35:05.560 align:center
you would meet someone

00:35:05.640 --> 00:35:09.360 align:center
who's killed somebody
and needs help with moving a body?

00:35:09.440 --> 00:35:11.200 align:center
And all those conversations,

00:35:11.280 --> 00:35:13.880 align:center
everything is suddenly
getting played back in your head.

00:35:14.760 --> 00:35:16.799 align:center
"I can talk about death
around you, Caroline,"

00:35:16.880 --> 00:35:19.600 align:center
and, "Our jobs aren't that dissimilar."

00:35:21.000 --> 00:35:22.640 align:center
Did he ever actually like me for me?

00:35:22.720 --> 00:35:26.440 align:center
Or was he just doing everything he could
to get me in a position

00:35:26.520 --> 00:35:29.440 align:center
where he knew he'd be able
to have control and influence over me?

00:35:34.600 --> 00:35:37.319 align:center
I just wanted that man
out of my parents' house.

00:35:37.400 --> 00:35:40.560 align:center
I wanted to be on that road,
get him back to the estate, drop him off,

00:35:40.640 --> 00:35:41.880 align:center
and drive away and breathe.

00:35:48.240 --> 00:35:50.960 align:center
I literally drove out of the estate

00:35:51.040 --> 00:35:52.880 align:center
and just had a panic attack.

00:35:56.120 --> 00:35:58.680 align:center
If I'm gonna call the police,
it was now or never.

00:35:58.760 --> 00:36:02.960 align:center
But I also knew deep down
that the minute I went to the police

00:36:03.040 --> 00:36:06.040 align:center
and did what I had to do,

00:36:06.120 --> 00:36:07.920 align:center
his whole life would never be the same.

00:36:11.680 --> 00:36:13.520 align:center
The phone went.

00:36:13.600 --> 00:36:15.520 align:center
"Mum, it's Caroline."

00:36:15.600 --> 00:36:17.760 align:center
And she was in a state.

00:36:17.839 --> 00:36:19.520 align:center
"Are you up? Are you awake?"

00:36:22.000 --> 00:36:23.160 align:center
As soon as she came in,

00:36:23.240 --> 00:36:26.400 align:center
she literally just collapsed in my arms,

00:36:26.480 --> 00:36:30.319 align:center
going, "He's killed someone.
He's killed someone."

00:36:30.400 --> 00:36:32.600 align:center
I don't even remember this,

00:36:32.680 --> 00:36:35.920 align:center
but my mum said
that I was on the floor howling

00:36:36.000 --> 00:36:37.440 align:center
in the fetal position.

00:36:37.520 --> 00:36:39.440 align:center
It felt like something off the television.

00:36:39.520 --> 00:36:42.680 align:center
It-- It felt like, um,
something that you read about,

00:36:42.760 --> 00:36:44.880 align:center
not something
you're actually living through.

00:36:44.960 --> 00:36:47.760 align:center
She said, "I've got to do what's right."

00:36:47.839 --> 00:36:49.400 align:center
"I'll have to call the police."

00:36:49.480 --> 00:36:52.359 align:center
And I said, "Yes,
you obviously have to call the police."

00:36:52.440 --> 00:36:54.480 align:center
And I know it was the right thing to do,

00:36:54.560 --> 00:36:58.280 align:center
but it still doesn't make it
any goddamn easier to hurt someone

00:36:58.359 --> 00:37:02.400 align:center
who, even if they have done
a terrible thing, you still care for them.

00:37:12.440 --> 00:37:15.640 align:center
Good morning.
Police Scotland. How can I help you?

00:37:15.720 --> 00:37:18.440 align:center
I wish to report information about a crime

00:37:18.520 --> 00:37:20.880 align:center
that happened three years ago
in Bridge of Orchy.

00:37:21.760 --> 00:37:23.240 align:center
A hit-and-run.

00:37:23.319 --> 00:37:26.040 align:center
Disposal of a body
and lying to the police.

00:37:28.080 --> 00:37:30.200 align:center
The man's name is Tony Parsons.

00:37:31.920 --> 00:37:35.359 align:center
It was a recent partner
who disclosed it to me.

00:37:35.440 --> 00:37:38.120 align:center
I can't. I can't. I can't.

00:37:38.200 --> 00:37:41.359 align:center
I can't live with it. I have to report it.

00:37:41.440 --> 00:37:43.640 align:center
What's his name, please?

00:37:43.720 --> 00:37:47.920 align:center
Alexander McKellar.

00:37:49.520 --> 00:37:50.760 align:center
He's like, "Right."

00:37:51.640 --> 00:37:52.720 align:center
"I'll put you on hold."

00:37:54.120 --> 00:37:55.240 align:center
And then my dad's going,

00:37:55.319 --> 00:37:57.240 align:center
"What if our daughter now gets done

00:37:57.319 --> 00:37:59.480 align:center
for aiding and abetting
or accessory to murder?"

00:37:59.560 --> 00:38:01.560 align:center
"You should've phoned
the police right away."

00:38:01.640 --> 00:38:02.920 align:center
I said, "I didn't know how."

00:38:04.480 --> 00:38:07.880 align:center
And then the operator said, "Look,
we're gonna send out two detectives."

00:38:10.000 --> 00:38:12.000 align:center
So an unmarked police car pulls up.

00:38:12.080 --> 00:38:16.799 align:center
The two officers get out in their suits.
They walk up and they're very respectful.

00:38:18.520 --> 00:38:20.200 align:center
They sat down at the kitchen table.

00:38:20.280 --> 00:38:22.680 align:center
And that's when I started
giving my first statement.

00:38:22.760 --> 00:38:25.799 align:center
And we probably spoke to them
for about two hours, three hours.

00:38:28.080 --> 00:38:31.080 align:center
And then they started asking me
about where the man was buried,

00:38:31.160 --> 00:38:32.680 align:center
if I could locate it on a map.

00:38:32.760 --> 00:38:34.839 align:center
And could I take them
exactly to that spot?

00:38:35.440 --> 00:38:36.280 align:center
Go.

00:38:37.799 --> 00:38:41.960 align:center
Sandy had said that the man was basically
under our feet by the clay pigeon trap.

00:38:43.760 --> 00:38:46.680 align:center
They're like,
"How close to the clay pigeon trap?"

00:38:46.760 --> 00:38:48.560 align:center
And I'm thinking,

00:38:48.640 --> 00:38:52.200 align:center
I don't know if it's two meters,
five meters, 50 meters, 20 meters.

00:38:54.200 --> 00:38:55.480 align:center
And it started to dawn on me

00:38:55.560 --> 00:38:58.520 align:center
that I didn't actually know
exactly where he was buried.

00:39:00.440 --> 00:39:04.319 align:center
"Look, just keep speaking with him.
Just keep him calm."

00:39:04.400 --> 00:39:07.799 align:center
"Say you're spending time at your parents
and you'll see him in a few days."

00:39:07.880 --> 00:39:10.600 align:center
"We'll get back to you tomorrow
with how we'll handle this."

00:39:16.120 --> 00:39:20.280 align:center
So you're lying in bed, and your brain's
going into complete overdrive

00:39:20.359 --> 00:39:22.080 align:center
and thinking, "What have I done?"

00:39:22.839 --> 00:39:24.680 align:center
"What the fuck have I done?"

00:39:24.760 --> 00:39:26.680 align:center
"Oh God, what have I done?"

00:39:26.760 --> 00:39:28.040 align:center
"Shit."

00:39:28.120 --> 00:39:30.440 align:center
"Oh my God, what have I done?"

00:39:30.520 --> 00:39:32.799 align:center
"I don't even know
where the man definitely is."

00:39:36.960 --> 00:39:39.880 align:center
I need to make sure I can,
to the best of my ability,

00:39:39.960 --> 00:39:43.160 align:center
mark where that man is,

00:39:43.240 --> 00:39:45.319 align:center
so that they'd find him.

00:39:45.400 --> 00:39:48.160 align:center
And I wanted to see Sandy.

00:39:48.240 --> 00:39:51.720 align:center
Part of me wanted to say goodbye
in my own way.

00:39:55.359 --> 00:39:58.359 align:center
I left really early,
and I snuck out of my parents' house.

00:39:58.440 --> 00:40:00.400 align:center
I hopped in my car and didn't tell anyone.

00:40:00.480 --> 00:40:03.040 align:center
I know I shouldn't have don't it,
but I drove to the Auch Estate.

00:40:09.120 --> 00:40:11.839 align:center
And I remember,
I pull in to the estate and I park up,

00:40:11.920 --> 00:40:15.560 align:center
and then Sandy goes,
"Let's go for a walk. Let's have a chat."

00:40:16.160 --> 00:40:18.400 align:center
I was like,
"Why don't we shoot some clays?"

00:40:23.000 --> 00:40:25.120 align:center
And so he's getting the shotguns out,

00:40:25.880 --> 00:40:27.480 align:center
getting all the ammunition.

00:40:28.359 --> 00:40:30.120 align:center
By routine, if you go into the hills,

00:40:30.200 --> 00:40:32.560 align:center
you'd just put
a wee energy can in your pocket.

00:40:35.560 --> 00:40:37.319 align:center
And so we're walking to the car…

00:40:48.200 --> 00:40:49.480 align:center
Despite that situation,

00:40:49.560 --> 00:40:52.600 align:center
you keep yourself
doing everything you can possible

00:40:52.680 --> 00:40:56.319 align:center
to act as normal as possible,
because otherwise, I'm fucked.

00:40:56.400 --> 00:40:57.760 align:center
I am totally fucked.

00:41:08.560 --> 00:41:09.520 align:center
There we are.

00:41:15.799 --> 00:41:17.200 align:center
I'm looking at my watch, thinking,

00:41:17.280 --> 00:41:20.080 align:center
"My mom and dad will realize I'm not home.
I don't have much time."

00:41:23.600 --> 00:41:24.480 align:center
Ah!

00:41:24.560 --> 00:41:27.600 align:center
I'm thinking, "If these police cars
pull up and he's got a gun,

00:41:27.680 --> 00:41:28.760 align:center
would he shoot me?"

00:41:33.240 --> 00:41:36.440 align:center
I had a wee Apple Watch on.
I think it said my heart rate was 190.

00:41:36.520 --> 00:41:38.680 align:center
You know when you hear it
beating in your ears?

00:41:41.920 --> 00:41:44.400 align:center
I said, "Sandy,
if you want me to help you with this,

00:41:44.480 --> 00:41:47.080 align:center
you need to show me
exactly where you buried this man."

00:41:48.760 --> 00:41:50.880 align:center
And so, with guns in hand,

00:41:50.960 --> 00:41:52.880 align:center
we're walking down the path.

00:41:54.160 --> 00:41:56.960 align:center
And he taps the ground like, "Here."

00:42:02.080 --> 00:42:02.960 align:center
I was like, "Okay."

00:42:03.040 --> 00:42:05.839 align:center
And we're turning to go back,
and I'm searching,

00:42:05.920 --> 00:42:08.160 align:center
and I'm thinking, "Fuck."

00:42:08.240 --> 00:42:09.520 align:center
Like,

00:42:09.600 --> 00:42:12.040 align:center
I have not counted my steps here.

00:42:13.240 --> 00:42:16.799 align:center
There was no identifiable features.
There was no tree or rock.

00:42:16.880 --> 00:42:20.799 align:center
There wasn't anywhere you could signpost
or remember where this place was.

00:42:22.520 --> 00:42:25.080 align:center
Thankfully, I'd finished
my Red Bull earlier,

00:42:25.680 --> 00:42:27.560 align:center
and I threw it over my shoulder.

00:42:27.640 --> 00:42:31.560 align:center
Probably from the corner of his eye,
he sees the motion of me throwing the can.

00:42:31.640 --> 00:42:35.240 align:center
And I say, instinctively, "I'm so sorry.
I don't know why I did that."

00:42:35.319 --> 00:42:36.760 align:center
He said, "Go pick that up."

00:42:38.440 --> 00:42:41.520 align:center
And I was like, "I know, sorry,
I'll go get it. I'll go back."

00:42:42.760 --> 00:42:44.920 align:center
And it was just a "now or never" moment.

00:42:46.640 --> 00:42:48.799 align:center
And crunched it into the ground

00:42:48.880 --> 00:42:52.960 align:center
and then immediately did that hurried
sort of skip-walk back to someone.

00:42:56.920 --> 00:43:00.280 align:center
I'm thinking, "He definitely
didn't see that, did he? No."

00:43:07.680 --> 00:43:10.680 align:center
So, when I got in my car and I drove out,

00:43:10.760 --> 00:43:12.440 align:center
my phone started ringing.

00:43:12.520 --> 00:43:15.720 align:center
Unknown number,
which is what the Police Scotland ring on.

00:43:15.799 --> 00:43:17.240 align:center
And I answer it,

00:43:17.319 --> 00:43:20.319 align:center
and it's a female voice,
and she went, "Where are you?"

00:43:20.960 --> 00:43:24.120 align:center
I said, "I'm parked outside the estate.
I marked the grave site with a can."

00:43:25.319 --> 00:43:28.960 align:center
I'm going through in Google Maps,
showing them where the man is buried.

00:43:29.880 --> 00:43:33.200 align:center
They're asking me questions like,
"Would they shoot at the police?"

00:43:34.240 --> 00:43:37.200 align:center
And I don't know,
but you think to yourself,

00:43:37.280 --> 00:43:40.799 align:center
"Say, if they have--
It's a… 'fuck it' moment…"

00:43:40.879 --> 00:43:44.040 align:center
"Whilst I hope they wouldn't shoot,
I can't rule that out."

00:43:44.839 --> 00:43:46.160 align:center
So I get home.

00:43:47.120 --> 00:43:49.920 align:center
And my mum's obviously terrified,

00:43:50.000 --> 00:43:52.040 align:center
because she said,
"That man knows where we live."

00:43:55.480 --> 00:43:58.280 align:center
It was this crazy household of stress.

00:43:59.480 --> 00:44:04.359 align:center
We've never felt threatened
or-- or vulnerable like that in our lives.

00:44:04.440 --> 00:44:06.760 align:center
They're big, they're broad,
they're-- they're strong,

00:44:06.839 --> 00:44:12.640 align:center
and they certainly, you know,
can slice up animals very professionally.

00:44:12.720 --> 00:44:17.480 align:center
And I'm just thinking,
"It's nearly over. It's nearly over."

00:44:17.560 --> 00:44:21.280 align:center
I was trying to almost stage normality,

00:44:21.359 --> 00:44:24.040 align:center
because we were beyond not coping.

00:44:27.640 --> 00:44:30.760 align:center
And then Sandy messages
and says, "Look, change of plan."

00:44:30.839 --> 00:44:34.080 align:center
"We'll go to my friend's house tonight.
Come along, come join us."

00:44:35.920 --> 00:44:39.160 align:center
And I immediately called the detective.

00:44:40.359 --> 00:44:43.480 align:center
And I said, "He won't be
at the estate tonight with his brother."

00:44:43.560 --> 00:44:45.680 align:center
"He's actually at a friend's house."

00:44:50.640 --> 00:44:53.319 align:center
And she's like,
"Right, just keep him calm."

00:44:53.400 --> 00:44:56.040 align:center
"Find out where he is
and let us know immediately."

00:44:57.000 --> 00:44:59.040 align:center
And I'm sitting in my parents' garden,

00:44:59.120 --> 00:45:00.400 align:center
and he phones me.

00:45:06.080 --> 00:45:09.600 align:center
And I was like,
"Maybe I will… not go to work tomorrow."

00:45:09.680 --> 00:45:11.359 align:center
"I'll, you know…"

00:45:12.280 --> 00:45:15.600 align:center
"I'll come up tonight instead."
He's like, "Babe, that'd be so much fun."

00:45:15.680 --> 00:45:16.520 align:center
"Come along."

00:45:17.400 --> 00:45:21.319 align:center
He said, "I really wish you'd be here."
I said, "I really wish I was there too."

00:45:25.120 --> 00:45:27.400 align:center
I can hear the wee party
in the background.

00:45:28.560 --> 00:45:30.520 align:center
And he's had a few drinks, and he's going,

00:45:30.600 --> 00:45:34.200 align:center
"Oh, Caroline, I'm so lucky to have you,
and I love you so much."

00:45:34.280 --> 00:45:36.440 align:center
And I was like,
"I love you too, Sandy. I really do."

00:45:37.160 --> 00:45:39.400 align:center
And I said, "Send me your live location."

00:45:42.359 --> 00:45:44.359 align:center
So that's what he did.

00:45:48.120 --> 00:45:49.520 align:center
I sent it to them.

00:45:51.440 --> 00:45:52.839 align:center
I hated myself.

00:45:54.799 --> 00:45:56.600 align:center
I felt like a rat.

00:45:56.680 --> 00:45:59.319 align:center
I felt like… a liar.

00:46:04.160 --> 00:46:06.920 align:center
And checking on my phone,

00:46:07.000 --> 00:46:10.359 align:center
on the messaging app we were using,
it would give a last active,

00:46:10.440 --> 00:46:13.200 align:center
so the last time someone
had opened up the app on the phone.

00:46:14.000 --> 00:46:17.359 align:center
It said, like, "Last seen about 3:20 a.m."

00:46:18.680 --> 00:46:19.960 align:center
And then nothing.

00:46:31.879 --> 00:46:35.040 align:center
I thought the boys being arrested
would be the end of everything

00:46:35.120 --> 00:46:37.000 align:center
and they'd be held in police custody.

00:46:37.080 --> 00:46:39.879 align:center
I would be safe. My parents would be safe.

00:46:39.960 --> 00:46:43.480 align:center
Little did I know
that this wasn't just a hit-and-run.

00:46:43.560 --> 00:46:46.160 align:center
This was actually something much worse.

00:46:47.359 --> 00:46:51.560 align:center
And it was gonna be
one of the darkest chapters of my life.

00:46:57.600 --> 00:46:59.400 align:center
Armed police! Stand still!

00:46:59.480 --> 00:47:00.680 align:center
Show me your hands!

00:47:00.760 --> 00:47:02.640 align:center
Show me your hands! Stand still!

00:47:02.720 --> 00:47:03.560 align:center
Get down!

00:47:11.960 --> 00:47:18.520 align:center
Look for me under the yew tree

00:47:18.600 --> 00:47:23.720 align:center
Where the roots collide

00:47:24.720 --> 00:47:31.520 align:center
Stay with me until dawn breaks

00:47:31.600 --> 00:47:37.040 align:center
And the rain subsides

00:47:37.879 --> 00:47:44.640 align:center
Bury me under the yew tree

00:47:44.720 --> 00:47:49.359 align:center
Lay my body down

00:47:50.799 --> 00:47:57.400 align:center
Protect my bones from darkness

00:47:57.480 --> 00:48:01.040 align:center
In the deep, deep ground
kness