WEBVTT

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Imagine you fall in love
with someone who made you feel accepted,

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wanted,

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seen.

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Who made you feel whole

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and loved and just special.

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And you are just so happy.

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And then they say to you,

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"I've done a horrible, horrible thing."

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It is the remote,
rugged edge of the Highlands

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that held the darkest
sinister secret for years.

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Something so vile
it flips your entire world upside down.

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Mountain rescue teams search

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for a man who's been missing
for more than a week.

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There was not
a single trace of him alive ever again.

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He's effectively disappeared
into thin air.

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To remain in love,

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you have to keep this secret
that you know is gonna destroy you.

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But if you reveal it,
then you destroy everything.

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What would you do?

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I see…

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In 2020, I thought I had my life sussed.

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I'm 29 years old,

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and I've been with my long-term partner
for eight years.

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We had good wages,

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and we had our first home.

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We even got a dog.

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So, everything I'd hoped for
had come true at this point.

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I just assumed we'd be getting married
and we'd be having children

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and following suit
with what our parents had done.

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What if it's…

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I met Caroline
at medical school in Edinburgh,

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and we became very close friends.

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She is fiercely intelligent,

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high-achieving.

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She's got a photographic memory,
so medicine came very easily.

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In her final year at university,
she got a new boyfriend.

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They were together
until their late twenties,

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then it all fell to pieces.

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Love…

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Me and my partner had a horrible breakup.

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He admits to a terrible betrayal,

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and you realize all of those
seven, eight years have been a lie.

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Not meant…

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The end of her relationship was
like a thermonuclear bomb had gone off,

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and everything just fell to pieces
very rapidly.

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It completely ripped my heart out,
and it was all for nothing.

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I felt so lonely,

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and I wanted to find someone
who didn't want to change me,

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and someone who would want
to start a life together with marriage

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and with the prospect of children.

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I see the signs of a lifetime…

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Morning, Glasgow!

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You 'til I die

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I was working as a pathologist in Glasgow.

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We are the doctors
that determine the cause of death.

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But a mortuary isn't exactly the place
to meet the man of your dreams.

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So I did what everyone does
and I get Tinder.

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What could possibly go wrong?

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So you're making your profile…

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…and I realized that a lot of these men

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spent way more time
looking in the mirror than I did.

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Then I was like,
"I'm really struggling here."

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Glasgow, even though it's a city,
is not a huge city.

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That's why you've just
got to set your radius far.

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Just take in most of Scotland.

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You know, cast your net wide.

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And let's just see what happens.

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And then I saw this gamekeeper pop up.

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I was just hit by men in kilts.

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It said, "Six-foot-four Highlander."

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"Lonely contractor looking for someone
to keep him warm

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on the cold nights on the farm."

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And I thought, "Oof."

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He had a hunting agency,

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and he had pictures of up in the hills.

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It's that sort of idea
of a man who is like,

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if Armageddon came, he could fix anything,

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he could hunt anything.

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Like a man's man, you know?

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And I was like, "Yes."

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It pops up and goes, "You have a match."

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So that's when I fired my number over,

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and I was like… You know.

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He immediately messaged me.

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So I was like, "Go on, son."
He's got balls. He's gone for it.

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He said, "Would you like
to come meet me at the farm?"

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"We could go for a drive in the hills."

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And I was like,
"That'll be an experience."

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And then I phoned my friend Carla.

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And she was like, "You're driving an hour
and a half. What if it goes wrong?"

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I was like, "I'll be fine.
If nothing else, it'll be a laugh."

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She said, "What if he's a murderer?"

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I was like, "Come on,
get a grip, that won't happen."

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"He won't be a bad man."

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It was an hour
and a half drive, hour fifteen.

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"What am I doing?"

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Right? "But I've committed now."

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You're driving
into the beautiful Highlands.

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He said,
"Then there'll be a wee exit on the right

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with a wee small sign
that says Auch Estate."

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"And that's where I stay."

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And you look down into the Auch Estate.

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And it's got what we call Munros,
which are like mountains in Scotland.

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You're driving into this magical place.

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He was 6'4". He looked like a real man.

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That sounds silly,
but like an outdoorsy man.

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And he had that smell of smoke
and sweat and a bit of aftershave.

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And he had quite a deep voice.

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And I was like, "Ooh!" Nervous. Um…

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So, it was like, "Hi." "Hi."

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"Cool." "Nice."

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"Great weather." "Lovely."

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"You live here?
This is-- This is where you stay?"

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I said, "Do you own this?"

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And he's like, "No, no, no."
I was like, "Oh. Shit."

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He said, "Ready for a day in the hills?"
I was like, "Yes, please."

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And you come up to a ravine
or a river crossing.

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He said, "Wanna do it?"
I said, "You sure? How do I do this?"

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He said, "First gear, keep it steady."

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-I stay in first?
-Yeah.

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Whoo! Fun! Wow.

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And I was like, "Can I sing in the car?"
He's like, "Yes."

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I said, "Sure?"
He said, "Why wouldn't you?"

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My last partner told me
I was sometimes too much.

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I'd been banned from singing in the car.
I was never allowed to.

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Whereas this guy was like,
"I just want you to be you."

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He was belting it out.

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And he's doing all the wee high voices.

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And he's doing wee dance moves.

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I thought,
"This guy's an absolute goofball."

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"But he's alive and he's going with it.
He's so relaxed."

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And I felt so happy.

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He said, "Would you like to see me again?"
I was like, "Yes."

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I said, "Would you like to see me again?"
He was like, "Well, yes."

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And I was like, "Okay, when?"

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He said, "Tomorrow?" I was like, "Done."

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After our first date,
things moved quite fast.

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Because he was far away
and it wasn't down the road,

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you'd have to commit
and go for the weekend.

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Sweaty.

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I'm going from the cold mortuary

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to a farmer's cottage
with big homemade meals and dogs.

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He was fun and he had banter.

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And he got my silly puns, right?

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I was falling for him,
hook, line, and sinker.

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Hey.

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Farmers have a very
"work hard, play hard" lifestyle.

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So when they then get together,
oh, they get together.

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And then you've got a shed, right,
with a big-ass speaker, with bass.

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And they can just rock up in their trucks.

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And then he would look out and he'd go,

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"Right…" "…out, quad bikes, let's go."

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I'd say, "I'm exhausted,
I don't wanna go."

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He said, "Trust me, it'll be special."

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The views were really unreal.

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It was just us. Us against the universe.

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-Need my pants.
-Get your clothes on, lad.

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Ha, ha!

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Oh, yeah.

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Here I am standing in the middle
of this Scottish Highland estate.

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And it's like you own the place.

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That was when I realized
I loved him and I felt loved.

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He seemed proud to have me there.

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And I think
that made me feel really special.

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Can we stop?

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They seemed infatuated with each other.

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There were lots of pictures of them
enmeshed on social media.

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Cuddled up on hillsides, kissing.

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I thought it was unlikely
that she'd suddenly stumbled upon

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the best man ever.

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Everyone knew that she'd recently been
out of a very challenging relationship.

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And I told her that I thought
that she should just take things slowly

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and that she was
still not completely sorted.

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And she didn't listen.

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Good morning!

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Over the last month, six weeks, I'd stayed
every weekend 'til the Monday morning,

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and get up at, like, half past four

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or five o'clock in the morning
to drive back,

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so I could have extra time.

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-Hello. Mortuary.
-It's Caroline.

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Two minutes.

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-Are you at the front door?
-Aye.

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-See you soon.
-See you soon.

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Sandy was very interested in my work.

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He was like, "Know what, that's great,

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because I can tell you what I do
and you won't be squeamish."

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"You won't think
it's disgusting or macabre."

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Sandy had started his own hunting agency.

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To maintain the estates, you have to cull
some of the larger numbers of the deer.

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We both had to deal with death
on a daily basis.

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Postmortems were a big part of my job.

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A postmortem is when someone's passed away
and the cause of death is unknown.

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You go in, there'll be a body,
and you take a PM40 blade,

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and you cut through the fat
until you get into the abdomen,

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and you then move the insides.

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So you'll have the tongue in one hand
and the anus in the other.

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It's all in one. It's called the pluck.

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Sandy would also have
to remove the insides.

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And he would do that so fast,
and when you blink, it'd be done.

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He was very, very equipped
with knife skills and handling meat.

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There was this very, very niche,
but weird overlap of a skill set.

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Ah, Mondays…

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He was like, "I've never had someone
who I can talk to about death so much

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and it be okay."

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How do you start your day, my friend?

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Sandy has a twin brother called Robert.

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So him and Robert were born and raised
on the Auch Estate.

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They spent all their time together.
They'd finish each other's sentences.

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They could sense
what the other was thinking.

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They were quite the pair, well known
in the community around the estate.

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I knew Sandy and Robert.

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They used to frequent the bar, you know,

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if they had guys staying at the estate
they were taking out stalking.

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Sandy was always loud and bullish
and boyish and, you know…

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If the first pint lasted five minutes,

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he would have another one
probably within five minutes.

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Sandy was this really demonstrative,
kind, loving, affectionate,

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a little bit shy at times,
quirky, goofy guy.

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And then it would be
that one more drink, and it'd be, bang.

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It'd be like a complete mask.

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He'd even look and sound different.
His eyes would be glazed over.

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His energy changed.

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It went from very light to dark.

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He could be then angry at the world,

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and take that frustration out
on anyone nearby.

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He would become a pain, let's say.

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The seat would get pushed aside,
he'd be waving about the bar.

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After eight or ten whiskeys, you know,

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he's louder than he ever was, you know,
and he kind of looks worse for wear.

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-You gonna try and deny it?
-I'm not.

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Okay.

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I never said-- I never denied it, but--

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You just denied it ten times.

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Look at you.

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There's a picture of the boys
at their cousin's wedding.

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And that would've been about, maybe,
three or four years before I met Sandy.

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And they're in their kilts,
looking very dapper,

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and they are a pair of tens, right?

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And I'm looking at them now,
thinking, "Something's really changed."

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They looked like they were unhappy.

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Is something bothering him?
Because drinking and recreational drugs,

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yes, it can be fun for a party,
but if they're a crutch,

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you need to ask yourself why.

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It was one
of the first parties in the barn…

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…that Robert, his twin brother,
took me aside, and Robert went,

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"My brother, he's not right in the head.
He's not well."

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I was so consumed by my affection

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that I was blindsided to the red flags.

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Part of me thought,
because I'd come from a sad situation,

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that the two of us could heal each other.

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When he was being "Good Sandy,"
so to speak,

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you'd just be so enveloped
in the love and affection.

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And that was that sense of wanting
that I hadn't had in so long,

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and I couldn't help
but just get swept up by it.

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We met in early October,
and it was coming to the end of November,

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and his uncle owned an estate.

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And on his private estate
would do private shoots.

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So Sandy said, "You need to start
practicing how to shoot."

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"So I'll go and get a clay pigeon trap."

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And it was… exhilarating.

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Oh yeah.

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RIP.

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During the shoot,
his uncle had said he would get us a peg,

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which is the name
for the area you stand to shoot together,

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as an engagement gift
or a wedding present.

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And I was like, "I beg your pardon?"

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But Sandy kinda gave me
a wee look and a wee smirk,

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and was like, "Mm-mm."

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And I was like, "Eh, ew…"

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Sandy had said, kind of outside,
"I wasn't joking, Caroline."

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"I would be so proud if you were my wife."

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And I was like, "Stop it. Really?"

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"We're gonna marry?
You haven't got on one knee."

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"I don't even have a ring."

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"How can we get married without a ring?"

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He said, "We have to get you a ring."

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He said he'd always fantasized
about building a jetty down on Loch Lyon

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and getting married on the jetty.

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The idea that someone
actually wanted to marry me…

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Yeah, I mean, I know it sounds silly,

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and it's all about women
being independent and strong,

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but I'd always fantasized about the idea
that someone chooses me.

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And I was so excited.

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Oh!

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Why not?

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We were in the front room,
and Caroline phoned.

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She was almost giddily incoherent,

18:09.040 --> 18:13.800
and in my heart,
I knew exactly what she was gonna say.

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I knew it. And I was…

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In my head, I was going,
"No, no, no, please, no."

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I was like, "Mum, this man actually said
he might want to marry me."

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And she went, "I beg your pardon. I've…"

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"Stephen, Stephen, we've not met him yet."

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Just, "Aren't you happy for me?"

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I went, "Yes, uh, of course,
we're incredibly happy, but it…"

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"Just take your time.
Don't rush into the next thing."

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She sent a group-chat message
telling us this.

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And there was radio silence
from all my other friends on that group

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who were just… …blanking it.

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Everyone felt very uncomfortable about it
and thought this was a massive mistake.

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And I think in response to that,
Caroline had phoned me

19:00.520 --> 19:01.679
to talk about it,

19:01.760 --> 19:03.760
and it sounded absolutely fucking mental.

19:03.840 --> 19:06.000
And I was like,
"This is absolutely crazy."

19:06.080 --> 19:08.560
And it all just seemed far too much

19:08.640 --> 19:11.840
far too soon after the breakup
of her last relationship.

19:11.919 --> 19:15.640
I had this devil-may-care attitude
of, "Do you know what, guys,

19:15.720 --> 19:18.480
I understand your concern,
but you all have happy endings."

19:18.560 --> 19:19.520
"I want mine."

19:19.600 --> 19:21.600
"What's the worst that could happen?"

19:24.240 --> 19:26.720
Yes, it is rushed. And yes, it's crazy.

19:26.800 --> 19:28.840
But see, in the moment,

19:28.919 --> 19:30.320
it just felt unstoppable.

19:30.399 --> 19:32.240
She said, "He announced it on Facebook."

19:32.320 --> 19:36.080
And I was like, "Oh, uh… okay."

19:40.560 --> 19:43.240
I was happy that my daughter was happy.

19:44.280 --> 19:46.760
I was unhappy about

19:48.320 --> 19:51.240
him announcing that
they were engaged when really,

19:51.320 --> 19:53.040
it had only been a few months.

19:53.120 --> 19:55.399
"Stephen, we need to meet him. That's it."

19:55.480 --> 19:57.760
"He's coming.
He has to come for Christmas Day."

19:57.840 --> 20:01.159
We were… disquieted, I suppose.

20:01.240 --> 20:02.080
Taken aback.

20:03.040 --> 20:06.600
But I certainly wasn't
going to burst her bubble.

20:12.480 --> 20:15.320
We're driving back that night,
and I thought to myself,

20:15.399 --> 20:16.840
"This is the time to ask him

20:16.919 --> 20:19.960
if there's anything
he isn't telling me that I need to know."

20:20.040 --> 20:21.840
I said, "If we're getting married,

20:21.919 --> 20:24.200
you need to tell me
everything you're proud of

20:24.280 --> 20:26.320
and everything you're not proud of."

20:26.399 --> 20:28.760
"We have to trust each other,
and there's no lies."

20:31.240 --> 20:34.399
He became more sullen
and started to have quite heavy breathing.

20:35.159 --> 20:38.240
The heavy breathing
turned into, like, sobs.

20:38.320 --> 20:42.280
And I was like, "Sandy,
if you have a child, I should know."

20:42.360 --> 20:44.120
And he's like, "No, it's not a child."

20:44.200 --> 20:46.200
I said, "Okay, is it debt?"

20:46.280 --> 20:48.520
He went, "No, it's not debt."

20:48.600 --> 20:49.679
And…

20:50.760 --> 20:53.800
he looked at me,
and he's like, "Do you love me?"

20:53.880 --> 20:56.880
And I was like,
"Well, yeah, I do," you know.

20:58.040 --> 21:01.399
And he's like,
"Well, then I need to tell you something."

21:02.520 --> 21:04.280
And he said, "Pull over."

21:05.040 --> 21:06.919
So I pull over the car.

21:07.000 --> 21:10.480
And he leant over
and grabbed the keys from the ignition

21:10.560 --> 21:13.919
and put them in his pocket,
and then said, "Give me your phone."

21:15.280 --> 21:18.320
He put it in the glove compartment
and said, "Get out of the car."

21:20.800 --> 21:22.520
I'm a bit stunned.

21:23.520 --> 21:27.720
He said, "I've actually been building up
the courage to tell you all day."

21:27.800 --> 21:29.000
And he was like,

21:29.080 --> 21:33.320
"I've never loved and trusted someone
as much as I've loved and trusted you."

21:33.919 --> 21:39.320
And he then said that he'd-- there'd been
something happened a few years before.

21:39.399 --> 21:41.720
And I said,
"What happened a few years before?"

21:50.080 --> 21:52.240
Him and Robert had had a hunting party up,

21:52.320 --> 21:54.760
staying at the Bridge of Orchy pub,

21:54.840 --> 21:57.919
which is maybe
a mile and a half from the estate.

21:58.560 --> 22:01.120
On one of the last nights,
the party were celebrating

22:01.200 --> 22:02.800
a successful day being on the hill.

22:02.880 --> 22:06.040
And Robert and Sandy
had been drinking at that meal.

22:09.080 --> 22:11.120
He said they left the meal.

22:12.200 --> 22:16.320
They wanted to see their friend in Oban.
And so they were over the limit.

22:23.360 --> 22:26.960
And it was on the way back,
driving back to the estate.

22:34.919 --> 22:38.280
He'd said that
a big truck came with full beam

22:38.840 --> 22:39.919
and blinded him.

22:42.760 --> 22:45.000
In that moment, he then hit a cyclist.

22:45.080 --> 22:47.640
And the man had flown over the car.

22:47.720 --> 22:49.439
And so they stopped.

22:51.840 --> 22:55.760
And I said, "Well, was he okay?
Was he alive? Was he…"

22:55.840 --> 22:59.880
He was like, "He was hit at high speed.
There's no way he was alive."

23:01.080 --> 23:03.520
Sandy said they were
fighting with each other

23:03.600 --> 23:05.280
about whether to go to the police.

23:05.880 --> 23:08.800
I said, "Did you call help?"
He said, "What would we have done?"

23:08.880 --> 23:11.439
"If we'd called the police,
I'd have lost everything."

23:11.520 --> 23:12.720
"We'd have gone to jail

23:12.800 --> 23:15.600
and lost our lives for a man
that should never have been there."

23:15.679 --> 23:17.480
"These are 70-mile-an-hour roads."

23:19.520 --> 23:22.919
"If they find we've done this,
we'll be in jail the rest of our lives."

23:23.000 --> 23:25.399
"And we lose everything
we've ever worked for."

23:25.480 --> 23:27.520
"We're not bad people.
It's not our fault."

23:27.600 --> 23:29.520
"It's just an accident. It's a mistake."

23:29.600 --> 23:32.240
"Everyone makes mistakes.
Most people get away with them."

23:35.439 --> 23:38.480
"And we panicked and we buried him."

23:43.200 --> 23:45.760
And I said,
"What do you mean, you buried him?"

23:46.360 --> 23:50.760
And he said, "He's on the estate.
You jog past him every day."

23:50.840 --> 23:56.960
"He's right beneath your feet
when you shoot your clay pigeons."

24:06.960 --> 24:09.320
He was like,
"Caroline, it was an accident."

24:09.399 --> 24:11.960
"We didn't mean to do it.
I'm not a bad person."

24:13.399 --> 24:15.240
I believed what he was saying.

24:16.399 --> 24:18.840
I was so stunned in that moment.

24:18.919 --> 24:21.919
I just told him that I loved him,
because he was crying,

24:22.000 --> 24:24.880
and that good people make mistakes.

24:25.880 --> 24:27.280
He was, like, joyful.

24:27.360 --> 24:30.040
Like there was this massive weight
I took off his shoulders.

24:30.120 --> 24:32.679
And he's just soothing me
and kissing my head

24:32.760 --> 24:36.600
and saying, "I'm so glad we can
deal with this, and I love you so much."

24:36.679 --> 24:38.720
I'm like, "Yeah, don't worry."

24:38.800 --> 24:41.399
And so we walked
hand in hand back to the car.

24:43.159 --> 24:44.720
We drove in silence.

24:46.000 --> 24:50.439
I've just told my mum and dad
that this man was to marry me.

24:50.520 --> 24:52.360
And I've just told my friends.

24:53.240 --> 24:55.080
I just thought,

24:55.159 --> 24:57.320
"I feel so ashamed."

24:57.399 --> 25:01.320
And everything that I'd run away from
was now ten times worse.

25:04.520 --> 25:08.280
When we arrived back at the house,
I said I was very tired and going to bed.

25:11.040 --> 25:12.000
While he was asleep,

25:12.080 --> 25:14.000
I got my phone out and I went on Google.

25:16.439 --> 25:17.800
And then there it pops up.

25:18.600 --> 25:20.000
His photo,

25:20.080 --> 25:21.439
his name,

25:21.520 --> 25:23.080
the date,

25:23.159 --> 25:25.399
the Bridge of Orchy Hotel,

25:25.480 --> 25:26.480
his bike.

25:26.560 --> 25:29.679
CCTV images of a missing cyclist
have been issued

25:29.760 --> 25:33.040
one year on from his disappearance,
and a fresh appeal for information…

25:33.120 --> 25:36.679
Cancer survivor Tony Parsons
had been crossing Scotland

25:36.760 --> 25:39.360
in a 100-mile charity cycle.

25:39.439 --> 25:42.000
Here, in September 2017,

25:42.080 --> 25:45.199
the Navy veteran was captured on CCTV

25:45.280 --> 25:47.360
weaving through the rural roads.

25:51.159 --> 25:54.040
Myself and one of my colleagues
had just finished in the bar.

25:54.120 --> 25:56.399
The bar was locked up.
We were doing the cash up.

25:56.480 --> 25:59.760
And I heard that…
There was a knock on the door.

26:06.000 --> 26:09.080
So I opened the door,
and this gentleman was standing there.

26:10.199 --> 26:11.439
He looked miserable.

26:11.520 --> 26:13.120
He was soaked right through.

26:13.919 --> 26:16.320
He had a poncho, he had on.

26:17.240 --> 26:20.080
And I said, "Sorry, the bar's closed."

26:20.159 --> 26:23.600
So we made him a cup of coffee,
and I think I gave him a biscuit.

26:26.320 --> 26:29.320
He said he was cycling
from Fort William to Stirling.

26:29.399 --> 26:30.720
He was doing it for charity.

26:30.800 --> 26:35.399
It's not a road to be taken lightly
in any kind of vehicle,

26:35.480 --> 26:38.520
but on a bike at that time of night,

26:38.600 --> 26:40.960
the visibility would have been terrible.

26:44.320 --> 26:45.520
I kind of says to him,

26:45.600 --> 26:49.399
"Would you like to maybe see
if I can get you a room for tonight?"

26:49.480 --> 26:51.080
But he was just so determined

26:51.159 --> 26:54.840
that, "No," and he needed
to get to his final destination.

26:54.919 --> 26:57.240
He just kind of went outside,
and he was gone.

27:02.280 --> 27:06.439
He's embarked on this charity cycle
and effectively disappeared into thin air.

27:09.159 --> 27:11.159
And I was like, "Fuck me."

27:12.080 --> 27:15.159
"That's someone's dad.
He's the same age as my dad."

27:16.159 --> 27:17.520
And they were looking for him.

27:17.600 --> 27:19.439
They had all these appeals.

27:19.520 --> 27:21.439
The family desperately searching.

27:22.840 --> 27:27.040
So you just do your best
to try and close your eyes and breathe.

27:27.679 --> 27:30.040
And this person's arm flops around you.

27:30.120 --> 27:33.280
You're repulsed by it, but what do you do?

27:33.919 --> 27:36.600
I'm now realizing
I have to go to the police about this,

27:36.679 --> 27:39.120
but I didn't really know how to leave.

27:42.360 --> 27:44.080
I was too afraid to sleep.

27:45.159 --> 27:46.720
I'm just trying to keep calm.

27:49.120 --> 27:51.159
It's a Monday morning, early morning.

27:51.240 --> 27:53.880
Sandy had a long lie-in.

27:56.800 --> 27:59.919
I'm leaving at half six in the morning
to drive to work.

28:00.000 --> 28:04.360
Everything has to get dealt with in time.
But now, I have to do my fucking job.

28:04.439 --> 28:07.080
I can't let everything just crumble.

28:10.800 --> 28:14.480
And I arrive at work, and the manager
hands me the paperwork for the cases.

28:14.560 --> 28:17.480
And there was a man
lying there on the slab.

28:17.560 --> 28:21.360
And it was just so eerily…

28:22.880 --> 28:26.720
like the man
I'm now envisaging in my mind.

28:28.679 --> 28:29.840
And I really struggled.

28:29.919 --> 28:32.800
I actually forgot
to write my organ weights down.

28:33.560 --> 28:34.760
The consultant came.

28:34.840 --> 28:37.959
She said, "You've not done this, that.
It's unlike you."

28:40.199 --> 28:43.159
And, um, I remember
standing outside the mortuary doors.

28:45.679 --> 28:47.480
My phone rings and it's Sandy.

28:48.800 --> 28:50.480
And he says, "I'm so excited."

28:50.560 --> 28:54.840
"I've spoke to the celebrant in Oban
to see if we can get married at the loch."

28:58.320 --> 29:01.679
"I managed to get an appointment with her,
and she'll call you tomorrow."

29:01.760 --> 29:03.560
"Right, okay."

29:04.399 --> 29:07.199
You know, so as if nothing had…

29:07.280 --> 29:09.320
So in his mind, it was full steam ahead.

29:11.000 --> 29:12.800
You could've not gone to work

29:12.879 --> 29:15.679
and driven to a police station
and told them what happened.

29:16.399 --> 29:18.000
The thing is, people might say,

29:18.080 --> 29:20.800
"Why'd you not go
to the police immediately?"

29:20.879 --> 29:23.520
My brain wasn't in a position yet
to go to the police.

29:24.120 --> 29:28.439
My brain was still not really accepting
what I'd been told.

29:28.520 --> 29:30.720
The underlying sense of panic
was so massive,

29:30.800 --> 29:35.120
I actually couldn't address it
at that moment.

29:35.199 --> 29:38.280
My brain just stuck itself in the middle,

29:38.360 --> 29:40.959
refusing to let
either of those thoughts come in.

29:43.280 --> 29:44.600
So, during that week,

29:44.679 --> 29:47.560
I would be receiving messages
from friends, family,

29:47.639 --> 29:51.520
saying, "Oh, well, well, well,
Caroline's gonna get married."

29:52.760 --> 29:54.760
And I just said, "Thank you."

29:54.840 --> 29:57.000
While thinking,
"How will you get out of this?"

29:58.320 --> 30:02.080
My mum had said, "You have to invite
Sandy around for Christmas."

30:02.159 --> 30:04.840
"We need to meet him.
We need to meet him. Come 'round."

30:04.919 --> 30:07.120
So that was already in the calendar.

30:07.199 --> 30:11.720
My parents were so upset and disappointed

30:11.800 --> 30:14.120
in how my last relationship ended.

30:14.199 --> 30:17.399
How do you even begin
to have that conversation of,

30:17.480 --> 30:20.679
"Do you know what,
actually, they're a killer"?

30:20.760 --> 30:22.840
I've fucked up again.

30:25.280 --> 30:26.720
You're delaying the inevitable,

30:26.800 --> 30:31.639
thinking, "Just get through Christmas,
and then we'll deal with it."

30:33.560 --> 30:36.879
So, as awful as it sounds
and as shameful as it sounds,

30:36.959 --> 30:39.280
I went and picked Sandy up
on the Friday night,

30:39.360 --> 30:41.199
and we drove to my parents.

30:41.879 --> 30:44.679
Hi, Blue. Hello.

30:44.760 --> 30:46.679
Come on. Come on.

30:46.760 --> 30:47.919
Hiya.

30:48.000 --> 30:49.080
Hello.

30:49.159 --> 30:50.679
Oh…

30:50.760 --> 30:51.959
Hi, darling.

30:52.040 --> 30:54.439
There, pride and place,
on the mantelpiece,

30:54.520 --> 30:57.720
she'd printed off two photos
and got them framed of him and I.

30:57.800 --> 31:00.919
Oh my God. Uh… Uh…

31:01.000 --> 31:02.120
For scale.

31:04.159 --> 31:06.600
And he then sees the pictures
on the mantelpiece,

31:06.679 --> 31:08.240
and he's proud as punch.

31:08.959 --> 31:13.520
So I put, um,
some of their pictures in frames,

31:13.600 --> 31:15.760
and that was my way of saying,

31:15.840 --> 31:17.399
our way of saying,

31:17.480 --> 31:19.320
"We accept that you're a couple."

31:19.399 --> 31:21.439
-"You're welcome in our home."
-Mm-hm.

31:21.520 --> 31:23.600
And to make them…

31:23.679 --> 31:25.280
to see it was an act of love.

31:26.840 --> 31:28.159
You need a hand, Mum?

31:28.800 --> 31:31.399
We had this big family meal,
and, of course, you know,

31:31.480 --> 31:34.399
it was the first time we'd all been
back around the table in ages.

31:34.480 --> 31:35.639
So the house felt full.

31:35.720 --> 31:37.120
Can I photograph?

31:37.199 --> 31:39.439
The dog kept putting her head
in Sandy's lap,

31:39.520 --> 31:40.879
looking for scraps of food.

31:41.760 --> 31:44.679
Sitting right there with her teeth out.

31:44.760 --> 31:46.120
Everyone was laughing,

31:46.199 --> 31:51.439
and the most horrible thing was
he just fitted into my family so easily.

31:51.520 --> 31:54.080
He was smart. He was clean.

31:54.159 --> 31:55.600
He was tidy.

31:56.199 --> 31:58.399
And he was polite.

32:00.439 --> 32:02.120
We were sat here and he said,

32:02.199 --> 32:06.719
"Does it bother you that I don't have
the education that Caroline's had?"

32:06.800 --> 32:09.399
I said to him,
"It doesn't make any difference at all."

32:09.480 --> 32:13.600
"All I care about is
that you have feelings for our daughter,

32:13.679 --> 32:15.959
that you will look after her,

32:16.040 --> 32:17.800
and that you're a decent human being."

32:18.480 --> 32:21.760
And he said,
"I do care. I will look after her."

32:21.840 --> 32:23.120
"And I am."

32:24.879 --> 32:27.240
My mum was so over the moon

32:27.320 --> 32:30.159
that I found someone
who had made me happy,

32:30.240 --> 32:33.120
and everyone was
just in this little blissful bubble.

32:33.719 --> 32:37.399
It almost felt selfish
if I had burst that bubble,

32:37.480 --> 32:38.639
especially around Christmas.

32:39.240 --> 32:43.439
In doing the right thing,
I knew I had to hand in the man I loved.

32:43.520 --> 32:44.679
There's an element of,

32:45.280 --> 32:50.879
"Why don't I just let him remain happy
for just a little while longer?"

32:54.679 --> 32:58.280
You know, we can't help, sometimes,
who we fall in love with.

33:00.159 --> 33:02.520
I know it sounds
so twisted and dysfunctional,

33:02.600 --> 33:05.639
but in some ways
he's putting all this trust in you.

33:06.919 --> 33:10.480
Because I'd been lied to before
and really hurt.

33:10.560 --> 33:14.639
It was this weird sense
of someone's trusting me enough

33:14.719 --> 33:16.480
with such a big secret.

33:17.679 --> 33:18.760
That felt special,

33:18.840 --> 33:21.560
even though I knew
it was so poisonously wrong.

33:30.480 --> 33:34.040
But then he asked me to do something
which shook me to my core.

33:36.520 --> 33:40.040
He started to talk about
how the Auch Estate had a new owner,

33:40.120 --> 33:41.520
a Hong Kong billionaire owner,

33:41.600 --> 33:46.560
who had just had his building plans
permitted from the local council.

33:48.560 --> 33:50.919
Sandy said right beside
where that man was buried,

33:51.000 --> 33:53.520
they're going to be
ripping the area up for housing.

33:54.439 --> 33:56.679
"I need to make sure
that man is out of the ground

33:56.760 --> 33:58.679
before, obviously, anyone else finds him."

33:59.480 --> 34:02.879
"And… I need you to help me."

34:02.959 --> 34:06.919
"And if we can get rid of this problem,
then we can have this life together."

34:07.600 --> 34:10.799
And he was asking me how long
it would take to burn a human body.

34:10.880 --> 34:13.679
And I was like,
"It depends the state of decomposition."

34:13.760 --> 34:16.960
He said, "I poured a shit ton of bleach
on that man, Caroline."

34:17.040 --> 34:18.639
"And it was horrible."

34:20.000 --> 34:22.280
"It was disgustingly horrible."

34:25.920 --> 34:27.440
That was the moment I realized,

34:27.520 --> 34:30.040
"I have to go to the police
as soon as I can now."

34:30.120 --> 34:32.159
"But to keep him calm in the moment,

34:32.239 --> 34:35.319
I now have to go into work mode."

34:35.400 --> 34:39.159
And I was like, "Well…
it's actually very hard to burn a body."

34:39.239 --> 34:42.440
"You need a crematorium,
which is thousands of degrees hot."

34:42.520 --> 34:46.040
"Otherwise, because of people's
visceral fat, it can take days."

34:46.120 --> 34:50.600
And then you're thinking to yourself,
"Am I being used for my skill set?"

34:50.679 --> 34:53.199
I had "pathologist" on my Tinder profile.

34:53.280 --> 34:55.639
Did he choose me specifically because…

34:57.360 --> 34:59.839
…he wanted someone to help him with this?

35:01.480 --> 35:03.640
What were the chances that

35:03.720 --> 35:05.560
you would meet someone

35:05.640 --> 35:09.360
who's killed somebody
and needs help with moving a body?

35:09.440 --> 35:11.200
And all those conversations,

35:11.280 --> 35:13.880
everything is suddenly
getting played back in your head.

35:14.760 --> 35:16.799
"I can talk about death
around you, Caroline,"

35:16.880 --> 35:19.600
and, "Our jobs aren't that dissimilar."

35:21.000 --> 35:22.640
Did he ever actually like me for me?

35:22.720 --> 35:26.440
Or was he just doing everything he could
to get me in a position

35:26.520 --> 35:29.440
where he knew he'd be able
to have control and influence over me?

35:34.600 --> 35:37.319
I just wanted that man
out of my parents' house.

35:37.400 --> 35:40.560
I wanted to be on that road,
get him back to the estate, drop him off,

35:40.640 --> 35:41.880
and drive away and breathe.

35:48.240 --> 35:50.960
I literally drove out of the estate

35:51.040 --> 35:52.880
and just had a panic attack.

35:56.120 --> 35:58.680
If I'm gonna call the police,
it was now or never.

35:58.760 --> 36:02.960
But I also knew deep down
that the minute I went to the police

36:03.040 --> 36:06.040
and did what I had to do,

36:06.120 --> 36:07.920
his whole life would never be the same.

36:11.680 --> 36:13.520
The phone went.

36:13.600 --> 36:15.520
"Mum, it's Caroline."

36:15.600 --> 36:17.760
And she was in a state.

36:17.839 --> 36:19.520
"Are you up? Are you awake?"

36:22.000 --> 36:23.160
As soon as she came in,

36:23.240 --> 36:26.400
she literally just collapsed in my arms,

36:26.480 --> 36:30.319
going, "He's killed someone.
He's killed someone."

36:30.400 --> 36:32.600
I don't even remember this,

36:32.680 --> 36:35.920
but my mum said
that I was on the floor howling

36:36.000 --> 36:37.440
in the fetal position.

36:37.520 --> 36:39.440
It felt like something off the television.

36:39.520 --> 36:42.680
It-- It felt like, um,
something that you read about,

36:42.760 --> 36:44.880
not something
you're actually living through.

36:44.960 --> 36:47.760
She said, "I've got to do what's right."

36:47.839 --> 36:49.400
"I'll have to call the police."

36:49.480 --> 36:52.359
And I said, "Yes,
you obviously have to call the police."

36:52.440 --> 36:54.480
And I know it was the right thing to do,

36:54.560 --> 36:58.280
but it still doesn't make it
any goddamn easier to hurt someone

36:58.359 --> 37:02.400
who, even if they have done
a terrible thing, you still care for them.

37:12.440 --> 37:15.640
Good morning.
Police Scotland. How can I help you?

37:15.720 --> 37:18.440
I wish to report information about a crime

37:18.520 --> 37:20.880
that happened three years ago
in Bridge of Orchy.

37:21.760 --> 37:23.240
A hit-and-run.

37:23.319 --> 37:26.040
Disposal of a body
and lying to the police.

37:28.080 --> 37:30.200
The man's name is Tony Parsons.

37:31.920 --> 37:35.359
It was a recent partner
who disclosed it to me.

37:35.440 --> 37:38.120
I can't. I can't. I can't.

37:38.200 --> 37:41.359
I can't live with it. I have to report it.

37:41.440 --> 37:43.640
What's his name, please?

37:43.720 --> 37:47.920
Alexander McKellar.

37:49.520 --> 37:50.760
He's like, "Right."

37:51.640 --> 37:52.720
"I'll put you on hold."

37:54.120 --> 37:55.240
And then my dad's going,

37:55.319 --> 37:57.240
"What if our daughter now gets done

37:57.319 --> 37:59.480
for aiding and abetting
or accessory to murder?"

37:59.560 --> 38:01.560
"You should've phoned
the police right away."

38:01.640 --> 38:02.920
I said, "I didn't know how."

38:04.480 --> 38:07.880
And then the operator said, "Look,
we're gonna send out two detectives."

38:10.000 --> 38:12.000
So an unmarked police car pulls up.

38:12.080 --> 38:16.799
The two officers get out in their suits.
They walk up and they're very respectful.

38:18.520 --> 38:20.200
They sat down at the kitchen table.

38:20.280 --> 38:22.680
And that's when I started
giving my first statement.

38:22.760 --> 38:25.799
And we probably spoke to them
for about two hours, three hours.

38:28.080 --> 38:31.080
And then they started asking me
about where the man was buried,

38:31.160 --> 38:32.680
if I could locate it on a map.

38:32.760 --> 38:34.839
And could I take them
exactly to that spot?

38:35.440 --> 38:36.280
Go.

38:37.799 --> 38:41.960
Sandy had said that the man was basically
under our feet by the clay pigeon trap.

38:43.760 --> 38:46.680
They're like,
"How close to the clay pigeon trap?"

38:46.760 --> 38:48.560
And I'm thinking,

38:48.640 --> 38:52.200
I don't know if it's two meters,
five meters, 50 meters, 20 meters.

38:54.200 --> 38:55.480
And it started to dawn on me

38:55.560 --> 38:58.520
that I didn't actually know
exactly where he was buried.

39:00.440 --> 39:04.319
"Look, just keep speaking with him.
Just keep him calm."

39:04.400 --> 39:07.799
"Say you're spending time at your parents
and you'll see him in a few days."

39:07.880 --> 39:10.600
"We'll get back to you tomorrow
with how we'll handle this."

39:16.120 --> 39:20.280
So you're lying in bed, and your brain's
going into complete overdrive

39:20.359 --> 39:22.080
and thinking, "What have I done?"

39:22.839 --> 39:24.680
"What the fuck have I done?"

39:24.760 --> 39:26.680
"Oh God, what have I done?"

39:26.760 --> 39:28.040
"Shit."

39:28.120 --> 39:30.440
"Oh my God, what have I done?"

39:30.520 --> 39:32.799
"I don't even know
where the man definitely is."

39:36.960 --> 39:39.880
I need to make sure I can,
to the best of my ability,

39:39.960 --> 39:43.160
mark where that man is,

39:43.240 --> 39:45.319
so that they'd find him.

39:45.400 --> 39:48.160
And I wanted to see Sandy.

39:48.240 --> 39:51.720
Part of me wanted to say goodbye
in my own way.

39:55.359 --> 39:58.359
I left really early,
and I snuck out of my parents' house.

39:58.440 --> 40:00.400
I hopped in my car and didn't tell anyone.

40:00.480 --> 40:03.040
I know I shouldn't have don't it,
but I drove to the Auch Estate.

40:09.120 --> 40:11.839
And I remember,
I pull in to the estate and I park up,

40:11.920 --> 40:15.560
and then Sandy goes,
"Let's go for a walk. Let's have a chat."

40:16.160 --> 40:18.400
I was like,
"Why don't we shoot some clays?"

40:23.000 --> 40:25.120
And so he's getting the shotguns out,

40:25.880 --> 40:27.480
getting all the ammunition.

40:28.359 --> 40:30.120
By routine, if you go into the hills,

40:30.200 --> 40:32.560
you'd just put
a wee energy can in your pocket.

40:35.560 --> 40:37.319
And so we're walking to the car…

40:48.200 --> 40:49.480
Despite that situation,

40:49.560 --> 40:52.600
you keep yourself
doing everything you can possible

40:52.680 --> 40:56.319
to act as normal as possible,
because otherwise, I'm fucked.

40:56.400 --> 40:57.760
I am totally fucked.

41:08.560 --> 41:09.520
There we are.

41:15.799 --> 41:17.200
I'm looking at my watch, thinking,

41:17.280 --> 41:20.080
"My mom and dad will realize I'm not home.
I don't have much time."

41:23.600 --> 41:24.480
Ah!

41:24.560 --> 41:27.600
I'm thinking, "If these police cars
pull up and he's got a gun,

41:27.680 --> 41:28.760
would he shoot me?"

41:33.240 --> 41:36.440
I had a wee Apple Watch on.
I think it said my heart rate was 190.

41:36.520 --> 41:38.680
You know when you hear it
beating in your ears?

41:41.920 --> 41:44.400
I said, "Sandy,
if you want me to help you with this,

41:44.480 --> 41:47.080
you need to show me
exactly where you buried this man."

41:48.760 --> 41:50.880
And so, with guns in hand,

41:50.960 --> 41:52.880
we're walking down the path.

41:54.160 --> 41:56.960
And he taps the ground like, "Here."

42:02.080 --> 42:02.960
I was like, "Okay."

42:03.040 --> 42:05.839
And we're turning to go back,
and I'm searching,

42:05.920 --> 42:08.160
and I'm thinking, "Fuck."

42:08.240 --> 42:09.520
Like,

42:09.600 --> 42:12.040
I have not counted my steps here.

42:13.240 --> 42:16.799
There was no identifiable features.
There was no tree or rock.

42:16.880 --> 42:20.799
There wasn't anywhere you could signpost
or remember where this place was.

42:22.520 --> 42:25.080
Thankfully, I'd finished
my Red Bull earlier,

42:25.680 --> 42:27.560
and I threw it over my shoulder.

42:27.640 --> 42:31.560
Probably from the corner of his eye,
he sees the motion of me throwing the can.

42:31.640 --> 42:35.240
And I say, instinctively, "I'm so sorry.
I don't know why I did that."

42:35.319 --> 42:36.760
He said, "Go pick that up."

42:38.440 --> 42:41.520
And I was like, "I know, sorry,
I'll go get it. I'll go back."

42:42.760 --> 42:44.920
And it was just a "now or never" moment.

42:46.640 --> 42:48.799
And crunched it into the ground

42:48.880 --> 42:52.960
and then immediately did that hurried
sort of skip-walk back to someone.

42:56.920 --> 43:00.280
I'm thinking, "He definitely
didn't see that, did he? No."

43:07.680 --> 43:10.680
So, when I got in my car and I drove out,

43:10.760 --> 43:12.440
my phone started ringing.

43:12.520 --> 43:15.720
Unknown number,
which is what the Police Scotland ring on.

43:15.799 --> 43:17.240
And I answer it,

43:17.319 --> 43:20.319
and it's a female voice,
and she went, "Where are you?"

43:20.960 --> 43:24.120
I said, "I'm parked outside the estate.
I marked the grave site with a can."

43:25.319 --> 43:28.960
I'm going through in Google Maps,
showing them where the man is buried.

43:29.880 --> 43:33.200
They're asking me questions like,
"Would they shoot at the police?"

43:34.240 --> 43:37.200
And I don't know,
but you think to yourself,

43:37.280 --> 43:40.799
"Say, if they have--
It's a… 'fuck it' moment…"

43:40.879 --> 43:44.040
"Whilst I hope they wouldn't shoot,
I can't rule that out."

43:44.839 --> 43:46.160
So I get home.

43:47.120 --> 43:49.920
And my mum's obviously terrified,

43:50.000 --> 43:52.040
because she said,
"That man knows where we live."

43:55.480 --> 43:58.280
It was this crazy household of stress.

43:59.480 --> 44:04.359
We've never felt threatened
or-- or vulnerable like that in our lives.

44:04.440 --> 44:06.760
They're big, they're broad,
they're-- they're strong,

44:06.839 --> 44:12.640
and they certainly, you know,
can slice up animals very professionally.

44:12.720 --> 44:17.480
And I'm just thinking,
"It's nearly over. It's nearly over."

44:17.560 --> 44:21.280
I was trying to almost stage normality,

44:21.359 --> 44:24.040
because we were beyond not coping.

44:27.640 --> 44:30.760
And then Sandy messages
and says, "Look, change of plan."

44:30.839 --> 44:34.080
"We'll go to my friend's house tonight.
Come along, come join us."

44:35.920 --> 44:39.160
And I immediately called the detective.

44:40.359 --> 44:43.480
And I said, "He won't be
at the estate tonight with his brother."

44:43.560 --> 44:45.680
"He's actually at a friend's house."

44:50.640 --> 44:53.319
And she's like,
"Right, just keep him calm."

44:53.400 --> 44:56.040
"Find out where he is
and let us know immediately."

44:57.000 --> 44:59.040
And I'm sitting in my parents' garden,

44:59.120 --> 45:00.400
and he phones me.

45:06.080 --> 45:09.600
And I was like,
"Maybe I will… not go to work tomorrow."

45:09.680 --> 45:11.359
"I'll, you know…"

45:12.280 --> 45:15.600
"I'll come up tonight instead."
He's like, "Babe, that'd be so much fun."

45:15.680 --> 45:16.520
"Come along."

45:17.400 --> 45:21.319
He said, "I really wish you'd be here."
I said, "I really wish I was there too."

45:25.120 --> 45:27.400
I can hear the wee party
in the background.

45:28.560 --> 45:30.520
And he's had a few drinks, and he's going,

45:30.600 --> 45:34.200
"Oh, Caroline, I'm so lucky to have you,
and I love you so much."

45:34.280 --> 45:36.440
And I was like,
"I love you too, Sandy. I really do."

45:37.160 --> 45:39.400
And I said, "Send me your live location."

45:42.359 --> 45:44.359
So that's what he did.

45:48.120 --> 45:49.520
I sent it to them.

45:51.440 --> 45:52.839
I hated myself.

45:54.799 --> 45:56.600
I felt like a rat.

45:56.680 --> 45:59.319
I felt like… a liar.

46:04.160 --> 46:06.920
And checking on my phone,

46:07.000 --> 46:10.359
on the messaging app we were using,
it would give a last active,

46:10.440 --> 46:13.200
so the last time someone
had opened up the app on the phone.

46:14.000 --> 46:17.359
It said, like, "Last seen about 3:20 a.m."

46:18.680 --> 46:19.960
And then nothing.

46:31.879 --> 46:35.040
I thought the boys being arrested
would be the end of everything

46:35.120 --> 46:37.000
and they'd be held in police custody.

46:37.080 --> 46:39.879
I would be safe. My parents would be safe.

46:39.960 --> 46:43.480
Little did I know
that this wasn't just a hit-and-run.

46:43.560 --> 46:46.160
This was actually something much worse.

46:47.359 --> 46:51.560
And it was gonna be
one of the darkest chapters of my life.

46:57.600 --> 46:59.400
Armed police! Stand still!

46:59.480 --> 47:00.680
Show me your hands!

47:00.760 --> 47:02.640
Show me your hands! Stand still!

47:02.720 --> 47:03.560
Get down!

47:11.960 --> 47:18.520
Look for me under the yew tree

47:18.600 --> 47:23.720
Where the roots collide

47:24.720 --> 47:31.520
Stay with me until dawn breaks

47:31.600 --> 47:37.040
And the rain subsides

47:37.879 --> 47:44.640
Bury me under the yew tree

47:44.720 --> 47:49.359
Lay my body down

47:50.799 --> 47:57.400
Protect my bones from darkness

47:57.480 --> 48:01.040
In the deep, deep ground
kness