I thought I was dying. I swear.
I saw my life passing before my eyes, sort of like a movie.
What kind?
It wasn't an action movie, I'm guessing, right Yücel?
-The doc said I was lucky to be here. -Let's go easy on the döner for a while.
Okay. Well, we gotta go, but… hey.
Oh, sorry. My bad. Hang in there.
Hey, see you soon.
Do you have a new partner? Don't get too attached. I will return.
I know.
Yeah, okay. Come. Great.
-Take care! -I will return.
And they call themselves the stronger sex. Unbelievable.
Merel, this is a one-way street.
-Who cares? -Merel, I care!
-It's illegal! -And, what? You're gonna fine me?
-Go get 'em. Be vigilant and helpful. -Yeah.
-Oh. Greg? -Yeah?
-I'm Nadja. Your new partner. -Oh.
-I'm Yücel's replacement. -That's great.
Uh, that's… that's taken care of.
-Yeah. It's good. -Yeah.
Hi. Yoo-hoo.
I'm Merel. I'm his wife.
-Shall we go? -Yeah. Sure. Okay.
Have a great day, hon.
ROOSTERS
Now, we're meeting this morning to create the limited liability company
"Love Goes Through the Mouth."
-Isn't it "through the stomach," though? -Yeah, through the mouth, to the stomach.
75% of the company will be owned by Harm Andreas Schouwenaar.
And the remaining shares will go to Ms. Christine Maria de Waal.
-Will you please sign this? -Yes.
-There you go. Mm. -Thank you.
Thanks, and, uh, it's great to have that done now.
At least you're not gonna have an affair with your associate's partner this time.
So you've got that going for you.
Come, let's get a drink.
Or you can just come to the restaurant and bring Armand, of course.
I have to take this. How'd it go?
-Bye, Dan! -Bye.
Yeah?
Well, you're officially looking at an entrepreneur.
Come, let's get a drink.
I got you Earl Grey because we're out of spearmint.
I will go to the store today and get you some more tea.
Oh, come on, Mom. Dad's not the best you can do, is he?
-Uh-uh. -She has a right to be sad.
-Hey, how about you try Tinder? -Tinder?
Sleep with ten people, and you're good. It worked for Dad.
-No. -What?
You've slept with ten other women?
Ooh.
Nine. Yeah. You were tenth. But I don't count you, really.
You don't count me?
Mom, I'll download it for you right now if you want.
Tess, one minute, please?
I don't think this is a great idea.
Mom is quite raw at the moment, and some guys on Tinder are idiots.
-Want your profile reactivated? -I've got better things to do.
Oh. Like what?
I'm working on my career.
Architecture? Don't give me that.
Hey, I could still do it.
Yeah, for sure. Or be an astronaut or a pro football player.
Save it for Tinder.
-I'm so sorry, sweetheart. -I know.
Hey, they've got a great kebab. You want a bite to eat?
I don't eat fast food. It's like poison for the body, man.
Yeah, yeah, it is. I was testing you. I don't eat that.
Yücel ate fast food.
-Look! Over there. -What?
-He's stealing her purse. -Where? Oh! Yeah.
-You stay here. I'll go after him. -You sure?
Yeah. Stop! Police! Stop where you are!
There! There! There!
Stop!
I'll cover you.
Are you nervous?
Well, to be honest, it's sort of been a while for me, so… yeah.
Well, I can already tell that you will be great.
Oh, and by the way, our show Dutch Mermaids is premiering tonight.
A lot of important people will be there, and I'll introduce you to everyone. Mm?
-Bring someone with you. Your girlfriend? -Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, I'll just, uh… I have to see if she's free to come.
-Fine dining and cocktails, basically. -Yeah, fine dining and cocktails.
This is the main bar. Not your average dive, as you can see.
Oh, Marco. This is Danny, the new bartender.
-Marco is in charge of styling. -Oh. Yeah, well, beautiful… decorating.
If you ever need any tips, let me know. Happy to help.
And this is Eddie. Our chef. We stole him away from the competition.
-And who do we have here? -This is Danny, the new barman.
-And… -And associate.
-Hi. -Hey.
Mwah! Mwah! Oh, excuse me.
-Yeah? -Oh, and this is Frank, our handyman.
Hey, man.
Hey, cutie pie.
And even the handyman gave me a kiss.
Have any of you ever met a gay maintenance guy?
What's the problem? As long as he's good.
Ah.
I wonder why I'm doing any of this.
It's not like Pam wants me back.
So you won't sit on my couch, playing with your balls.
-Here are some balls for you. -Whoa!
One minute, one minute. A Tinder match.
Is this supposed to be your way of getting over Pam? Ten women?
The more the merrier.
-Okay, beer? -Yeah.
Are you serious? Now?
Deborah, she's 38.
Whoa!
And… her degree is in quantum mechanics. Yeah.
Not really your type, huh?
What? You know Pam's a frickin' lawyer, isn't she?
-Right. -You looking for someone new, Ief?
Uh, no. But I might start looking for a new job.
-Danny wants to hire a straight guy. -Yeah.
No, it's because I'm a coward
for not chasing my dreams, according to Tess.
Well, she's right. Come on, man. You studied architecture.
You should be designing cool stuff, not selling townhomes.
I still do design work.
I recently had an idea for an inclusive office building.
"Inclus-Ivo."
Hey, Levi. It's Mike.
You have a steady salary. That's worth something.
And I'm keeping that salary for now.
A friend of mine is an architect, and he's extremely talented.
-No, no-- -Mind meeting him if he swung by?
-What are you doing? -Levi.
He did my villa. His firm is top, top… One moment.
Absolutely. He has some great ideas.
Well, I can see if he's free to join you tonight.
-Mike? Mike? -Cool. All right.
It's all settled.
You're having dinner tonight, and you're treating.
And Levi likes inclusive. Inclusive of fine wine, I mean.
-Now, that's "inclus-Ivo." Huh? Thanks. -Yeah.
I did it!
The papers are all signed, and the divorce is official.
-What? -Yes.
Aw, congrats.
Mwah.
Now there's only one thing for me to ask.
I already sent you an invoice.
And that is
will you be my wife?
God, here we go again.
-This is… -Hey.
Why are all men constantly making promises they can't keep? What is that?
That's not me.
I want nothing more than to spend my life married to you.
How the hell do you know that? We've only just met.
Never in my life have I felt what I feel for you,
and I want to celebrate that with a wedding.
Sweetheart, listen.
There are a few things I know for sure in my life.
-I hate camping. -Mm-hmm.
I don't wear fast fashion, and I will never ever get married.
Proost.
Unbelievable.
So light is transmitted not only in waves but also in small packets,
like a line of Uber Eats.
-Sorry, what now? -I've been studying.
Tonight I'm gonna impress my date.
Wouldn't it be better to study a thing she doesn't know about?
-For sure. -Uh, literature and philosophy.
-Should we get another beer after this? -Yeah.
No, sorry. I have to go to this premiere.
-Plus, I still need a date. -Just go alone.
Nah, I want my boss to think I'm taken.
-Why do you want that? -It's better for my image.
Merel could go with you. She loves glitter and glamour.
-Yeah, but no, thanks. -Why not take Merel?
It's better for his image.
-Well, you can just hire a companion. -An escort? No way.
It's really common, at least for businessmen.
Here. A classy date for a classy guy.
Bam. Bam. Oh! This one's pretty. Look!
-Stop it, Danny. They're prostitutes. -Sex workers.
You don't have to do anything with her. Just say she's your partner.
I've got a new partner.
Yeah. Her name is Nadja.
-Is she hot? -You're an animal.
Do you have a photo?
Guys, I don't see Nadja that way. She's… she's just a colleague.
And a coworker is hands-off. A safe work environment is important.
Then why are you in an open relationship? Come on.
-It's Nadja. -Well, pick up. Pick up.
"Hey, Nadja. It's me Greg." Come on, go.
Hey, Nadja. It's me, Greg.
Uh, now?
Yeah, if you want to. Cool.
-Yeah, of course, great, okay. See you. -Huh? Hmm?
And?
-We're gettin' a drink. -Yeah!
Yeah, yeah. It's just a drink.
We'll make sure Yücel didn't sacrifice himself for nothing.
-Well done. -Guys, hey! No.
Sorry. Hello.
-Hey, partner. -Hey.
So, you look very weird in street clothes.
-You think I look weird? -No, you just look different.
That's all. It's not not good.
Listen, Greg, um, there's something I want to say to you.
Of course. And I'd love to share my knowledge with you.
I've been through so much.
-I don't feel safe working with you. -What?
-This morning, the mugging. -Yeah?
I was all alone.
I just have, um, bone spurs.
And I'd eaten something that was… I felt a bit bloated.
Do you play sports?
Padel. I came from there. I swim sometimes.
-Yeah, my buddy's got a pool at his place. -Not good enough.
Come with me to the gym. CrossFit.
I gotta be honest. I've had some bad experiences at the gym.
I want to help you. Men over 40 decline really quickly.
Your muscles, your testosterone.
If you don't take good care of yourself, it's all downhill from here, Greg.
What should, uh… When should we meet?
-6:30. -Okay. Sounds good.
Yeah.
-Ow! -Enough.
What did I say? No kicking, you hear me? Hi.
-Where were you? -Oh, I was… with Nadja.
To get to know each other a little.
Ah, yeah. You couldn't do that in the eight hours you spend in the car?
We need to stay focused during work. Crime never sleeps.
And what did you talk about? Not me, I guess.
No, just… just work things.
Mm. "Work things."
-I’ve read all his work too. -You know, it’s bizarre.
If I’m honest, I… I’m a bigger fan of Aristotle.
I think his ideas about metaphysics,
they… they’ve been a lot more impactful than Plato’s,
and they’re also very constructive.
Andronicus of Rhodes coined the term “metaphysics,” I believe.
And he refuted Aristotle’s work.
-You also know philosophy? -That’s simply common knowledge.
Of course it is.
And literature?
-It varies. Which century? -The nineteenth.
Dickens, Jane Austen…
The Tachtigers, that’s my favorite.
We are here at the Influencer Awards.
Good Life With Stevie has three nominations!
Ay.
Miss Stevie, I am very grateful that I get to be with you.
Why set the table if we’re not gonna get anything to eat?
It’s time to give out the award for Health and Lifestyle.
The nominees are
Vincent Vegan, Herbal Lux,
and Good Life With Stevie!
And the winner is…
…Vincent Vegan!
But I’m sure you’ll get the award for Positive Change.
And tonight’s award for Positive Change goes to…
Ah!
…Jamie Webber!
You’ll for sure be Influencer of the Year.
Unless I die of hunger.
The Influencer of the Year is
…Sarah Silva!
What are you doing here?
I’ve been asking that myself. The dickhead never showed.
Dickhead?
-The Tinder date that Tess made me go on. -Oh.
What are you doing here? And why do you look so… adequate?
I happen to be meeting someone who has the potential to hire me.
-Oh, you were fired? -No, I’m following my dream.
-Architecture. -Really?
After all of these years, are you?
Yeah. So if you don’t mind…
-Oh. -Ivo.
Mr. Buijsman. It's great to meet you, sir.
Yeah. And this is?
Oh, uh…
This is my wife, but she was just about to head out.
No, no. There’s no need.
-Well… -I’m sure there’s room for three.
-If you don’t have other plans. -No, I have no other plans.
Just chill. It’s my mortgage too, honey.
Dee, Dee!
Okay. You and I met three years ago at Lowlands,
and have been dating ever since.
Please relax. You’re not the only guy who’s hired me to be his girlfriend.
Mike, good to see you.
Kristel, let me introduce you to Veronica, my girlfriend.
We met at Lowlands.
How nice, but I’m sorry, Veronica,
I need to borrow your man for a moment.
Oh.
-Hey, how are you? -Hey.
-All good? -I’m great, you?
Oh, Mike, may I introduce you? Ruben, Head of Content.
And Denise, European Sales. And Mike, our new Director of Fiction.
The famous Mike Mulder. Kristel sent a link to your "course."
Ah. I’m jumping for joy at meeting you.
Yeah, the course. I didn’t mean any of it, obviously.
Mike is working with several in-house creators on a new format.
Great stuff. Refreshing, right?
-Isn’t that right, Mike? -Yeah, it’s all really great.
It’s so exciting.
-How long have you been together? -Hmm.
-Eighteen years. -Mm.
-Any kids? -One.
-A girl. -No.
-A girl? Almost a woman. -Right.
Family’s more important than anything else.
You might not know it, but our firm is also a family business.
I treat all of our employees as if they were my children.
-You know, I would never desert them. -Mm-hmm.
Are you unwell?
Oh, she… she’s getting emotional
because she knows how long I’ve wanted to work with you guys.
Hmm. Mike told me you have a project that you’ve been wanting to show me.
That’s right.
Uh, it’s a very interesting idea, if I say so myself.
A place where everyone, regardless of gender, sex, or background,
can work in a safe and pleasant environment.
Desirée?
-Sander? -Sorry, I know I’m very late.
I sent you a message on the Tinder app, but I didn’t hear anything.
Oh, no problem at all. You’re here now.
-All right, shall we? -Yeah.
Uh…
It’s all wheelchair friendly,
and the acoustics are designed
so that neurodivergent folks won’t get overstimulated.
I find that really cliché.
Everyone always talks about Baudelaire or Proust,
but there’s no French writer with as distinct a voice as George Sand.
But since literary criticism in that era was done by men,
she never achieved the status she deserved.
Would you like a drink?
I’d rather have an aspirin.
Are you feeling sick?
No, no, no, all good.
-We can pick this back up later. -No, no, not later. We’re almost there.
I have ibuprofen. I’ll be right back.
-Perfect. -Of course.
I’m sorry, have you read all of these?
I don’t need much sleep or have a TV. That helps.
Ah.
If a particle and an antiparticle are created during a quantum fluctuation,
there’s a non-zero chance that a single particle
will be created behind the event horizon.
-This isn’t gonna work. -What?
I can just say I didn’t know you were an escort.
-For three years? -Well, better an idiot than a pervert.
Robert won’t say anything. He has a wife and kids.
It’s my only hope.
-And now? Where are we going? -Hmm?
You’ve paid for the whole night.
Do you want me to pretend to be your girlfriend when we’re in bed?
No, no, that’s not necessary.
-The restroom? -Yeah.
Danny, what are you doing? Goddamn it.
Would you mind cleaning up once in a while? The place is a mess.
You have too much stuff. What do you expect?
-You to hire a maid for the house. -Hey, it’s your house.
-Who’s that? -An acquaintance.
Ah.
-Which one did you choose? The blonde one? -Yeah.
-And now? -I paid until midnight.
-And I don’t want to offend her, so… -My date failed.
Shall I do the honors for you?
-No, go fuck yourself. -She’s an escort, what does she care?
-Just be normal. -No, I’m serious.
I’m Danny. I live here too.
Yeah, this is Danny.
I was just telling him I’m tired. Can I call you a car maybe?
I’ll do it myself.
You look nice.
-Oh. -Hi.
-Mom’s got one. -What?
-You’re saying she brought that guy home? -Yep.
-This is not a dormitory. -How was the interview?
Are you hired?
Well, I don’t know. Ugh.
It was a strange night, and now I’m broke.
I’m always gonna be proud of you. No matter what.
-Can I have some cash? -Cash?
-Also for my driving lessons. -Driving lesson?
Yeah. If I didn’t vape before I was 18, you said you’d pay for lessons.
I can start tomorrow. I called Merel. Thank you.
Hey.
Jesus, Greg, can you hit that thing?
-What? -Hit it.
Yeah.
-What… what time is it? -5:30.
-What? -I’ve gotta go to CrossFit.
Go back to sleep, honey.
Huh?
-You okay? -Yeah.
I swear, he’s in love.
Nobody would get up at 6:00 a.m. if they weren’t.
Normally, he goes to the bathroom at 6:00 a.m., not CrossFit.
I’m afraid you don’t get open relationships.
Have you seen her Instagram?
Those legs. She looks like a freakin' model.
Exactly. A woman like that wouldn’t be interested in Greg.
What? You find him attractive, don’t you?
I have to go.
Pfft.
-Your endometriosis has gotten worse. -Really?
I thought it was better.
Extra-uterine cells have caused multiple adhesions around your ovaries,
a significant increase since your last checkup.
I would recommend a hysterectomy in your case.
-Take it all out? -Unless you want children, I would.
Hmm.
Ms. Stevie?
Ay, Ms. Stevie.
Not so loud.
You’re a trending topic.
Really? Why though?
-Can I get a photo? -No, please don’t.
I’m using your mascara, but it clumps.
You shouldn’t listen to influencers, you stupid idiot.
Are you actually vomiting on your followers?
The memes are even worse.
The mascara collaboration is over, and Health Magazine dropped us.
Okay, I get it. Just tell me what to do.
Right. Gas, brake, clutch.
That’s your turn signal here. It’s not just for show.
And move your seat forward.
Yeah, it’s like you’re sitting in the back seat.
Mirrors. Rear, side, that one.
You really love your work, don’t you?
-Quick, follow that car. -What?
-Tess, go. Just do what I say. -No, Merel.
This is my first lesson, I don’t know how.
Jesus, I’ll tell you. Come on. Yup.
Come on. Gas. Yeah, gas, gas, gas.
-Are you sore? -No, I feel like a new man.
Give it time. Your wife won’t recognize you anymore.
Yeah.
-That’s weird. -What?
It looks like that car is following us.
-Press the clutch. -Yeah? Which?
First. No, I mean second.
-Why are we following that car? -That’s my husband. He’s with his lover.
-Huh, Greg? -Don’t worry, step on it.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I’m gonna turn here. See what they do.
DRIVING LESSON. YOU?
Yeah, they’re following us.
STOP IT!!!
What are you texting about?
-Should I pull them over? -No.
It’s my wife. She’s just joking around.
Hurry up, kid.
-What are you doing? -That man’s walking across the street.
Oh God, I didn’t see him.
Last night I fell prey to one of my worst fears, spiking.
It’s like I’m not myself in those videos. Who is that person? It’s not me.
This shame cuts deep.
And that’s why I want to warn you all.
Always keep an eye on your drinks. Always.
And should you ever wake up with a headache,
I think you should get Tea Buddha.
New customers can put in this discount code and get a free mug.
This job clearly gets to you, so why do you keep it up?
Why do you think? To earn money.
But wouldn’t you rather do something that feels good?
Okay, listen up. Life is not that simple, sweetheart.
You don’t believe anyone can stop you at your age, I know.
The thing is, real life isn’t like that, trust me.
What did you want to be when you were my age?
Well…
Merel Streep.
Hmm.
So, Veronica, right? She’s great.
She sucks so hard, the sheet goes up your ass.
-Nothing happened. -Aha. I’ve got some recommendations.
-I’m not a whore-hopper. -Hey, who is?
Saturday I had an Argentinian. Man, oh man.
If there were a Nobel Prize for fucking, God…
Let me show you my spreadsheet. It’s right here.
-Mike, you have a minute? -Yeah, sure thing.
Good luck, man. I’ll, uh, email you that information.
Did you invite an escort to my premiere?
-What is that based on? -She was speaking to Robert.
Yeah, but they go way back. They’re very old friends.
Robert doesn’t have friends.
No, but you don’t honestly believe I would stoop to that?
"Veronica, a classy date for a classy guy"?
Listen, a friend said I had to.
He said I couldn’t go to that premiere alone.
It was all your friend?
I didn’t do anything with her. Really. Telling the truth.
Don’t worry. I know.
Why would a man as good-looking as you have to pay for sex?
Uh…
I’ll let you go. Looks like someone wants you.
Kristel, please don’t tell my team, okay? I don’t think they’d really understand.
I won’t say a word.
-It’s really nice here. -Thank you.
-Very nice. -It’s nicer than my house.
Thanks for coming out tonight. I appreciate it.
Thanks for making my boss think I whore-hopped.
Well, you did.
No way. I never did any of that.
It’s that sexist Robert. He’s spamming me with dirty links.
You’re the sexist. Hiring a woman to be your arm candy, seriously?
You had Desirée be your date to your meeting with Levi.
-That was different. I just ran into her. -Yeah.
And here you go. One, two, and three for you.
-Oh, no, no, no. Sorry, I’m out. -It’s my treat.
I want to be fresh tomorrow. New era, new man.
Yeah, you’re looking real fresh, Greg.
-See ya. -Yo.
-Good evening, gentlemen. -Doctor?
-Are you good? No issues with your-- -No, no problems. Okay, thank you.
The women who made all of this possible.
Oh!
-Um… -Mwah.
-And you must be Armand, huh? -Yes. Yes, I am.
Nice to meet you. Yeah. It’s great to have you here.
-Please follow me. -Oh, that’s not… Thank you.
-Yeah? -Yes.
Sure. Hi.
-Hey. Hey. -Hi.
I think they’ve rubbed off on him.
Everything okay?
Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.
Here. Sometimes we drink to forget, but don’t forget to drink.
Mm.
What are you talking about?
Stop it, Jason, that’s mine.
Give it back.
-Greg. -Hmm?
I’m gonna be an actor.
What? I mean it.
-At your age, Merel? -I’m not gonna be a model. An actress.
Maybe you should be a comedian instead. You’re hilarious this evening.
Is dinner ready?
Greg! ner ready?