WEBVTT

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-[optimistic music playing]
-[helicopter blades spinning]

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[music becomes propulsive]

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[man] Fuck!

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[man] Long before
the sun was shining this morning,

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these Noah Kahan fans
were lining up at Fenway Park.

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-What time did you get here?
-2.45 a.m.

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[woman] Noah posted on X,
"Every moment in my life has led me here."

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[producer] How do you feel right now?

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Can I text?

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[woman] It's all for Noah Kahan,

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the Vermont native whose career grew
from tiny concerts

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to two sold-out shows
at Fenway Park in just six years.

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[indistinct dialogue]

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[inhales deeply]

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-[man 1] The guy had a meteoric rise.
-[man 2] Four billion streams globally.

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[woman] You're now
the king of New England.

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Fuck. I feel like I can't sing.

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[inhales deeply]

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I'm so afraid of losing
this special thing.

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Like, it might go away.

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[crowd chanting] Noah!
Noah! Noah! Noah! Noah!

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[Noah] After all this, what is my purpose?

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And who am I now?

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[music abruptly fades]

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[whimsical music playing]

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So I grew up between Hanover,
New Hampshire, and Strafford, Vermont.

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Collection of towns
called the Upper Valley.

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[singing]

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[laughs]

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Well, I think Vermont is most famous
for maple syrup, y'know.

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Uh, Ben & Jerry's ice cream
and Bernie Sanders.

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One of the most interesting things to see
in Strafford is trees, so you gotta…

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-We've a new Dunkin'. That one's new. Um…
-Hurray!

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This is the coldest place in hell.

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You're in Vermont now. [chuckling]

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That's where my dad lives.

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And down there's where my mom lives.
Just downhill there.

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2020, my folks split up.

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My mom started living down the road.

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It's a pretty cool situation
as far as divorce goes.

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[music continues]

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[man] We sell a lot of his merchandise.

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[producer] D'you listen
to Noah's music a lot?

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Uh, no, quite honestly,
I do not listen to his music very much.

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My favorite song right now
is probably "Your Needs, My Needs."

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-But my favorite song is Taylor Swift.
-Betty.

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What's your favorite Noah Kahan song?

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[Emphatically] I don't know!

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[music continues]

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[music fades]

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[dogs barking in distance]

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[acoustic guitar music fading in]

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In terms of embarrassing dads,

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like, I don't think there was
a more embarrassing dad in the world.

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♪ Late at night when my wife's asleep ♪

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♪ My computer goes beep, beep, beep ♪

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♪ I dial up on AOL ♪

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♪ Cyberspace is a pretty good place
To hang out ♪

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♪ If you wanna wife, you can have mine ♪

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[music ends]

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-[dog cries]
-[Noah laughs]

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[Josh] I haven't played this in a while,
so no… no laughing.

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Right, Dad,
let's give 'em a tour of the house.

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[gentle piano music playing]

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[Noah gasps]
You've normaled it up around here.

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-I'm not a hoarder--
-Gonna say it's an episode of Hoarders.

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I'm not a hoarder.
I'm a careful collector.

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[Noah quietly] Oh my God.

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Is there anything else weird? Any duct
tape stuff you have around here? Oh yeah.

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He says weird,
but I have a whole line of bags

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that are functional out of dog-food bags.

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Wouldn't you want
a functional carry-on bag like this?

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It's insulated.

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[Noah] Wow, Gucci.

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If I saw that at an airport, I'd think
something really bad was about to happen.

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My dad was basically like a pro athlete
and a network engineer at the same time.

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My dad was an Ironman

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and an Ironman World Champion.

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He went to the world finals in Hawaii.

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[Josh] Now I'm just a loser.

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Here's a tricycle from the '40s.

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Richard now is 32
and a professional firefighter

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in Hanover, New Hampshire.

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And Sasha's a pediatric surgeon in Utah.
Park City, Utah.

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Simon works for a consulting company.

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They do work globally.
He lives in Brooklyn, New York.

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And Noah sings a little bit.

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[tinkering on guitar]

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[Noah] So I was, like, right in the middle
of Sasha, Richard, and Simon.

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There was definitely a lot of, like,
this feeling of I was the middle child.

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[woman] Noey, dance!

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It was chaotic. It was loud, and lots
of laughing, lots of fighting, yelling.

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I want my present!

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Noah doesn't understand
that it's not his birthday today.

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[woman] Yeah.

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Guys, this is Mom.

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Just know that when you're a grownup,
you should just only…

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You should really watch and decide
maybe you shouldn't have kids.

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Or at least if you have kids,
don't have birthday parties.

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And so when I was home,
I was making music in my room.

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Like, it was, like, my own special thing.

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And, like, kind of protecting
something for myself.

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'Cause I feel like
we shared so much growing up.

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When you think about it
from a psychoanalytical standpoint,

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makes a lot of sense that I ended up
being a singer-songwriter and a musician.

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Uh, we're goin' upstairs
to where I, when I'm here, stay

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and where I stayed
for a good amount of COVID.

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Um, but I would kind of oscillate
between here and the barn,

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but I would write up here all the time.

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So we call this "the bad vibes room."

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And it's my room.
And that can't be a coincidence.

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[softly] Ah.

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Whoo-hoo!

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It's gotta be five, six years old now.

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That'll give you a panic attack quick.

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I'm trying to f…
Here's all the dead flies.

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I would do Instagram Live stuff in here,

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um, where I would just,
like, workshop new songs,

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and wrote a lot of songs in here as well.

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I would write down
the lyrics I was thinking on the table.

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-[quiet thud]
-Fuck.

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So "Come Over" was written right here,
and so was, uh, "Homesick."

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I wrote, "I would leave
if only I could find a reason."

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It's cool 'cause I can remember all these…

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I remember all these songs.
Like, I can remember how they go.

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I remember this one.
This is one I wrote February 13th, 2016.

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I was actually still in high school
at this point.

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This is one of the songs I thought,
"This is a cool one."

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I'd written a bunch of bad ones before.
This is one that I really liked back then.

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The fact that I still remember it is cool,
'cause I never recorded it.

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I had no idea what I was doing
or how to begin,

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but there was also no pressure really
'cause I was nobody at all.

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My name is Noah.

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I'm a senior… I'm a senior
from Hanover High School over in Hanover.

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And, uh, I'm 17 years old.
I'll introduce the song when I'm seated.

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[electronic music playing]

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When I first got signed
as a high schooler,

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the singer-songwriter white guy
with long hair thing was hot.

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The guy at Republic Records
just hit me up.

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He works for Lil Wayne.
He works with Drake, Taylor.

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And so in my head, I'm like,
"Okay, I'm just gonna be like Taylor,

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Drake, or Lil Wayne, like, tomorrow."

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[music ends]

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In my head,
I was like, "Dude, this is it."

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[laughs] And so, um,
the truth was, like, it was a slow burn.

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[quirky music playing]

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Loading in is when you pay your dues
and bring the equipment inside.

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Alex, do you mind
getting this for me? [laughs]

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-[Alex] Not a chance, man!
-[Noah laughs]

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So then around 2019, I've released
an album, an EP, a bunch of singles,

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but I didn't know what my own voice was.

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I think I was close to giving up music,
or at least giving up hope.

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And then the pandemic came,

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and suddenly,
I was thrust back into Vermont.

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I was back with my little brother,
my siblings, my… my mom, my dad.

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Whoo!

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Whoo! Whoo-hoo! Yay!

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[present] And it selfishly
felt really cool

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to kinda have everybody be
in the same boat for a second.

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Not just the music,
but, like, waking up with my brother,

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and going and shooting my brother's
shotgun or drinking beers.

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And creatively, it just, like, woke me up.

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I just wanna let you guys know that I have
an EP that is out tonight at midnight.

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Uh, it's called Cape Elizabeth.

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And I… I really… I really love it.

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It finally felt like there was
some kind of story in the music.

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That's how Stick Season's
writing process started.

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Then TikTok came around, and I was like,
"What the fuck is this app?"

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Y'all, I just wrote a song
called "Part of Me."

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Let me know if I should release this.

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I'm going to anyway.
This is a marketing scheme.

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But check it out.

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I would come home
from the studio and be like,

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"I'm gonna make a fucking song
for myself tonight but put it on TikTok."

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♪ And Doc told me to travel
But there's COVID on the planes ♪

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♪ So I am fucked ♪

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♪ I'm fucked ♪

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♪ And I suck ♪

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♪ And you suck ♪

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♪ And this sucks ♪

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♪ Fuck ♪

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And then took an edible, got really high
from the edible, went to sleep,

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'cause I was gonna delete it.

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'Cause I was like,
"Oh, no one's caring about this."

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"I'm gonna delete this
and try another one tomorrow."

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Woke up the next morning like, "Oh shit."
It had, like, 900 comments.

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And I'm like, "Oh my God."

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We're out here making music.
I'm making music about Vermont.

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And I'm here in Vermont,
which is very cool.

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[car engine roaring]

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[horn beeps]

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♪ …love Vermont
But it's the season of the… ♪

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And then it became like this huge thing.

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[crowd] ♪ …saw your mom
She forgot that I existed ♪

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♪ And it's half my fault
But I just like to play the victim ♪

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♪ I'll drink alcohol
'Til my friends come home for Christmas ♪

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This is his album, Stick Season.

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Ladies and gentlemen, Noah Kahan.

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♪ …I might not have, but I did not lose ♪

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♪ Now you're tire tracks… ♪

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Give it up for Hozier!

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♪ And I'm split in half
But it'll have to do ♪

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Give it up for Renée Rapp!

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♪ Have to do ♪

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-[music ends]
-[crowd cheering]

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[cheering fades]

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Music became new for me here.
And that was really cool.

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I think it is bittersweet now

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because, like,
I can't get back that same mindset.

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Yeah, there's a lot of pressure
on what's next.

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Make a new album before 2026!

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I think he's in the stage right now
where he's wanting to make sure

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that the quality of his next body of work

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is as good or better than the album
that he's become known for.

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And I think that's a lot of pressure.

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[folk guitar music playing]

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[Noah] I miss so much
about the Upper Valley.

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Right now,
I'm living in a big house in Nashville,

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and my life has changed so much.

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I see Vermont as, like, where I'm from,

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and Nashville is where
I kinda have to be for work stuff.

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So I came back home about a week ago
to see my brother and my folks.

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I don't typically help him with the forge,

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but, uh, I wanna pretend
to be hardworking and… and humble,

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so this is a good setting for that.

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All right. Blue collar!

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Okay, that's not how you wear that,
first off. Hold on.

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[Noah] All right, here we go.

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All right.

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Ow! Fuck!

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What d'you think
the more dangerous job is?

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Being a firefighter and a blacksmith

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or being a singer-songwriter
with folk-pop tendencies?

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-Singer-songwriter.
-Yeah, singer-songwriter.

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'Cause you're here forging with steel,
I'm forging…

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-Hearts and minds.
-…the hearts and minds.

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-This part's scary.
-All right, come on.

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It's definitely strange
not having any of the siblings around.

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I mean, we're all really close.
We're a really close family.

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-Ever put your dick in there? [laughs]
-I put my dong in there all the time.

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[Noah] We spent a lot of time together

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after I was out of high school
and Richard was kinda home for a while,

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so we would…
we would hang and get hammered.

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[both laughing]

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-[Richard] Are you ready?
-No. All right, three, two, one.

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I don't see him a lot.
But it does make it really special

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when we do get to hang out, uh,
especially when he's not on tour,

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and we can just kinda go back
to regular older brother, younger brother,

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not Noah Kahan the superstar.

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[Noah belches] All right!

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[whooshing sound]

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[melodic guitar music playing]

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[Noah] So how long we been skiing here,
what 15 years?

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You've been here
for your whole fuckin' life.

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[Richard] Yeah, I know.

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[raucous laughter]

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[man] The best part,
it was Christmas vacation, right?

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And he had shit piled in his hands
over his head,

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and he just goes…

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[deep voice] "You're a mean one,
Mr. Grinch!" and runs outta the house!

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[indistinct dialogue]

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What I've loved the most
about our friend group

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and just my family and being here,
is no one's like, "What's next, Noah?"

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Y'know, it's never about me as much
as it is down in Nashville, which I like.

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I do love Nashville.
I love the people I have down there.

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But, like,
it's all my career, all the time.

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Like, everyone around me is a musician.
Everyone's working on music.

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When I'm here, I feel like I'm in my home.

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This is a good day.

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[Dan] This is a great day!

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[music fades]

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[quirky electronic music playing]

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[man] So right now,
Noah's back home in Nashville.

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It's the first period of time

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that he's had more
than a handful of days off since 2022.

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He's been on a… a long tour

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that he has just got close
to the finish line of.

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-[woman laughing] June! Junebug, come!
-[Junebug yips]

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[woman] Oh, here, baby.
Why don't you do Penny's, like, mat,

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so she doesn't feel left out?

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-Okay, Penny. Paw.
-[whimpering]

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[affectionately] Good girl.

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I feel like Stick Season and the tour
just completely changed our lives.

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[whimpers playfully]

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New doggy, new house, new furniture,

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new city, new clothes,

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nose job.

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-They made it bigger. Uh…
-[laughs]

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We moved in December,

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and we moved from
a one-bedroom apartment in Boston

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to here, and it was, like…
it was really jarring.

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It's a huge change, and it's…
it's a lot to deal with, but it's…

17:57.159 --> 18:01.246
We've tried to make it feel like…
as much like our Vermont as we can.

18:01.330 --> 18:03.499
[gentle ambient music playing]

18:04.249 --> 18:08.420
I'm gonna show you guys some cool shit.
This is… all sorts of fun shit in here.

18:10.839 --> 18:13.300
Oh yeah,
this is my golf simulator. [laughs]

18:13.383 --> 18:14.843
Talk about out of touch.

18:15.344 --> 18:16.970
But it's fuckin' sick.

18:19.098 --> 18:21.433
I'm scared. I'm sad for the next album.

18:21.934 --> 18:23.936
I've pushed a lot
of things off creatively,

18:24.019 --> 18:26.021
and I've really not started much, and…

18:27.314 --> 18:30.609
I'm also acutely aware
that nothing will ever be the same.

18:31.193 --> 18:33.612
That's what I'm, kind of, most scared of.

18:33.695 --> 18:35.656
That I have to be at my mom's house,
or in Vermont,

18:35.739 --> 18:38.367
that I have to be struggling
or in pain to make music.

18:38.450 --> 18:39.868
Like, that's always the concern.

18:40.452 --> 18:41.954
Honey, that wasn't that bad.

18:42.037 --> 18:43.038
Hi, Penny.

18:44.039 --> 18:46.125
[silly voice] You don't like
when I play up here!

18:47.793 --> 18:49.378
I'm gonna show you some more stuff.

18:49.878 --> 18:52.214
I got this award,
and then was not allowed to sit down,

18:52.297 --> 18:54.675
because security didn't believe
that I was part of the event

18:54.758 --> 18:56.969
after I'd just been onstage
receiving the award.

18:57.553 --> 19:00.889
And then… my greatest trophy.

19:03.308 --> 19:05.769
This is, uh,
Brenna's boyfriend proposing to her.

19:06.353 --> 19:08.564
He's the man, um…

19:08.647 --> 19:10.774
She's gonna see him this weekend. [laughs]
No, this, uh…

19:10.858 --> 19:16.488
This is me, uh, proposing to Brenna
in, uh, Cabo on July 17th, 2023.

19:16.572 --> 19:19.408
That's one of the best days of my life.
Maybe the best day of my life.

19:20.033 --> 19:22.035
[whimsical music playing]

19:23.162 --> 19:24.997
[Brenna] I, like, always had a feeling.

19:25.080 --> 19:26.582
I, like, never doubted Noah.

19:26.665 --> 19:29.918
Like, I… I didn't expect
anything like this to happen.

19:30.002 --> 19:32.004
Truly, I didn't even know
this was possible,

19:32.087 --> 19:35.924
but I never doubted him
as, like, a musician or artist.

19:36.008 --> 19:38.677
Like, I always knew he… you had it in you

19:38.760 --> 19:42.222
to, like,
make music a career for yourself.

19:42.306 --> 19:43.515
-Thanks, baby.
-Yeah.

19:43.599 --> 19:46.226
I was like, "I'm gonna be a teacher
the rest of my life."

19:46.310 --> 19:48.687
And you would, like,
tour your small venues.

19:49.563 --> 19:52.357
Yeah. I would… That's just
what I thought our lives would be.

19:52.983 --> 19:54.651
-[makes kissing sound]
-[giggles]

19:56.653 --> 19:58.530
See, I'm just packin' random fuckin' shit.

19:58.614 --> 20:00.699
It's why I shouldn't wait
till the last minute to pack.

20:01.825 --> 20:04.620
I wanna, like, pack for a whole tour
and just be like, "I'm gone."

20:04.703 --> 20:08.248
Instead of coming back and getting a taste
of home and having to fuckin' leave again.

20:09.416 --> 20:11.376
I just wanna fit back in my old pants.

20:11.460 --> 20:13.378
There's a whole, like,
shame section of my closet,

20:13.462 --> 20:15.380
that's like,
"You are too fat for this now."

20:16.798 --> 20:18.800
Too fat for these, bro. So annoying.

20:20.677 --> 20:23.555
This is, like, the second year,
basically, of tour.

20:24.139 --> 20:25.224
[car horn beeps]

20:27.142 --> 20:30.687
We've been goin' since October of 2022.

20:31.480 --> 20:34.942
We've played 210 shows now.

20:35.567 --> 20:38.820
And now I'm gonna go
play Fenway Park pretty soon.

20:39.363 --> 20:40.405
It's crazy.

20:40.489 --> 20:42.407
[upbeat guitar music playing]

20:47.037 --> 20:50.707
Noah has come such a long way
in terms of performance.

20:53.043 --> 20:54.711
[crowd screaming]

20:58.131 --> 20:59.800
But he's… he's gotten way better at it.

20:59.883 --> 21:01.593
[crowd cheering]

21:01.677 --> 21:03.011
My name is Noah Kahan.

21:03.095 --> 21:06.890
My goal is to leave you a little more
depressed than you came in tonight.

21:06.974 --> 21:08.308
[crowd laughing]

21:09.142 --> 21:12.813
♪ Retrograde
We'd shake the frame of your car ♪

21:12.896 --> 21:14.648
♪ Now I know your name ♪

21:15.315 --> 21:16.858
♪ But not who you are ♪

21:17.484 --> 21:18.902
♪ It's all okay ♪

21:18.986 --> 21:21.530
♪ There ain't a drop of bad blood ♪

21:21.613 --> 21:23.490
♪ It's all my love ♪

21:23.573 --> 21:25.242
♪ You got all my love ♪

21:25.325 --> 21:26.702
The champ is here.

21:26.785 --> 21:28.245
Woo-hoo! Oh!

21:30.539 --> 21:31.999
Ow! Oh.

21:32.499 --> 21:37.421
In this industry, it's hard to find
an artist as humble as Noah.

21:37.504 --> 21:38.964
[Noah] Brave person coming through.

21:39.047 --> 21:41.550
-[bike squeaking]
-[crowd screaming]

21:42.718 --> 21:45.012
Wow, you guys have
a lotta fun signs tonight.

21:45.095 --> 21:47.806
"Who needs therapy
when you have Noah Kahan?" Ah!

21:48.307 --> 21:51.977
I painted you. This is you.
So… [chuckling]

21:52.936 --> 21:54.521
[crowd cheering]

21:54.604 --> 21:56.398
God, I wish I had that body.
Thank you so much.

21:56.481 --> 21:58.191
-[crowd laughs]
-This song's a little older.

21:58.275 --> 22:00.694
If you guys know this song,
I, I implore you to sing along.

22:00.777 --> 22:03.697
If you don't know this song, Ottawa,
get the fuck outta here, all right?

22:03.780 --> 22:04.614
[crowd laughs]

22:04.698 --> 22:06.783
♪ You got all my love ♪

22:06.867 --> 22:08.744
♪ And it's still out here ♪

22:08.827 --> 22:10.829
♪ With the pills and the dogs ♪

22:10.912 --> 22:12.331
♪ Wind chill this year… ♪

22:12.414 --> 22:14.916
[Ryan] That exponential growth
that we've been experiencing

22:15.000 --> 22:17.169
every time he went out,
it was bigger rooms,

22:17.252 --> 22:20.255
crazier crowds,
louder and louder and louder.

22:21.089 --> 22:23.800
♪ You got all my love… ♪

22:23.884 --> 22:25.344
Hey, everybody. It's Noah Kahan.

22:25.427 --> 22:27.596
I wanna let you guys know
that I'm playing Fenway Park.

22:27.679 --> 22:28.889
Tickets are on sale now.

22:29.473 --> 22:31.808
[Ryan] To go from playing
in front of 2,000 people

22:31.892 --> 22:34.978
to go play two Fenway shows
in your hometown is unheard of.

22:35.062 --> 22:39.024
Some people have an HR department.
Some make life-size piñatas of themselves.

22:39.107 --> 22:41.109
One-hit wonder, motherfucker!

22:41.193 --> 22:42.903
Your music is mid!

22:43.528 --> 22:46.323
[Ryan] Thank God that he has
a really great head on his shoulders.

22:47.491 --> 22:50.243
-[music ends]
-[laughter and gasping]

23:00.462 --> 23:02.881
We are at my old apartment,
where my little brother lives.

23:02.964 --> 23:04.633
We're gonna go say hello.

23:04.716 --> 23:07.719
I still feel like it's my home,
but it's not anymore, obviously.

23:07.803 --> 23:10.931
Hey, come on in. Nice hat.
That's dope. Come on in.

23:11.014 --> 23:13.391
I had to change things up around here.

23:13.475 --> 23:16.561
It was pretty much just a bed
and a bunch of dirty laundry before, so…

23:16.645 --> 23:18.688
There was pubic hair everywhere
in this room.

23:18.772 --> 23:21.108
-That's not even a joke. I swear to God.
-That's not true.

23:21.191 --> 23:22.734
It's… You can still find them.

23:25.946 --> 23:27.280
-Nice.
-Isn't that kinda cool?

23:27.364 --> 23:29.491
I can see Macklemore
doing something with this.

23:29.574 --> 23:31.034
-Yeah.
-[rapping] ♪ I was just 19 ♪

23:31.118 --> 23:33.912
Keep playing that.
We'll do a little Macklemore beat. Yeah.

23:34.788 --> 23:39.126
[impersonates Macklemore]
♪ Yeah, that summer was… um, yeah ♪

23:40.502 --> 23:42.379
♪ I take my latte oat milk ♪

23:43.004 --> 23:45.340
♪ I take my coffee with a lotta cream ♪

23:45.841 --> 23:47.759
-♪ Just 'cause I'm white ♪
-[sniggers]

23:47.843 --> 23:50.512
♪ Doesn't mean that I can't come up
On the rap scene ♪

23:50.595 --> 23:52.973
[retro-style electronic music playing]

23:54.141 --> 23:58.103
I loved, y'know, the memories I had here,
but felt I wasn't meant to be in New York.

23:58.687 --> 24:00.105
I had expectations for myself.

24:00.188 --> 24:03.066
I thought, like, living in a city
would make me be social

24:03.150 --> 24:05.360
and make me wanna go outside
and, like, go do things.

24:06.236 --> 24:09.114
I think it was just… it was a place
where I was at my most burnt-out.

24:17.330 --> 24:21.376
I wonder if I can actually
be fully satisfied in any setting at all.

24:21.877 --> 24:24.880
When I was in, y'know, Hanover, Strafford,

24:25.380 --> 24:27.674
I, like, felt suffocated by it.

24:27.757 --> 24:31.011
And then when I left,
I yearned for, like, its simplicity.

24:31.803 --> 24:34.222
Yeah. Like, it would be nice
if your problems could all go away

24:34.306 --> 24:36.766
with, like,
a simple thing as like a plane ticket.

24:36.850 --> 24:40.103
You can't just escape who you are
because you've moved to a different place.

24:40.187 --> 24:41.480
That is not how it fuckin' works.

24:41.563 --> 24:43.482
[slow piano music playing]

24:44.649 --> 24:46.234
[Simon] Do you ever worry that,

24:46.735 --> 24:50.197
like, this is the peak,
or you will peak at some point?

24:51.198 --> 24:55.744
Uh, yeah. Yes, I do. All the time.
That's all I think about really.

24:55.827 --> 24:58.914
Tomorrow, if I don't play a great show
at MSG, like, what could that mean?

24:58.997 --> 25:00.749
That can mean
people start losing interest,

25:00.832 --> 25:04.044
and the fans start to think
it's boring and stale,

25:04.127 --> 25:06.213
and the label loses faith in me, and…

25:06.296 --> 25:08.590
My therapist was always like,
"Failure is part of it."

25:08.673 --> 25:10.217
"You need to prepare yourself for that."

25:10.300 --> 25:12.260
"'Cause it'll let you accept
the moment you're in."

25:12.344 --> 25:13.845
I've never really been able to do that.

25:20.352 --> 25:21.645
Oh fuck.

25:22.938 --> 25:26.858
I'm getting nervous now that
I'm walking closer to it. [laughs] Yo.

25:31.988 --> 25:33.490
[Penny whimpers]

25:33.573 --> 25:34.991
Crazy, right, Pen?

25:49.089 --> 25:50.465
[music intensifies]

25:53.218 --> 25:56.179
-[Brenna] Are you nervous?
-I guess I am a little nervous.

25:57.389 --> 25:59.599
We gotta make sure
we fuckin' make MSG proud.

25:59.683 --> 26:03.186
A lot of loss has happened here.
The Knicks have lost a lot here.

26:03.270 --> 26:05.146
They… these people need a win.

26:05.230 --> 26:06.982
[music intensifying]

26:07.065 --> 26:08.316
♪ Remember… ♪

26:09.651 --> 26:11.695
You know you need, you need New York!

26:11.778 --> 26:13.655
You know you need, you need New York!

26:13.738 --> 26:14.739
[Noah] Yay!

26:14.823 --> 26:17.534
♪ All the same ♪

26:17.617 --> 26:19.786
-[music intensifies]
-[crowd cheering]

26:24.207 --> 26:25.667
[whoops]

26:31.256 --> 26:33.591
Whoa! What the fuck is up?!

26:33.675 --> 26:36.177
What the fuck is up, Madison Square?!

26:36.261 --> 26:37.512
Whoa!

26:42.601 --> 26:46.730
♪ I'm rememberin'
I promised to forget you now ♪

26:47.731 --> 26:50.317
♪ But it's rainin'
And I'm callin' drunk ♪

26:50.942 --> 26:55.572
♪ And my medicine
Is drownin' your perspective out ♪

26:56.239 --> 26:58.158
♪ I ain't takin' any fault ♪

26:59.451 --> 27:03.955
♪ Am I honest still?
Am I half the man I used to be? ♪

27:04.831 --> 27:07.500
♪ I doubt it, forget about it, whatever ♪

27:08.084 --> 27:13.298
♪ It's all the same, anyways ♪

27:13.381 --> 27:14.382
Whoa!

27:16.217 --> 27:19.596
♪ I ain't proud
Of all the punches that I've thrown ♪

27:20.513 --> 27:23.767
♪ In the name of someone
I no longer know ♪

27:24.726 --> 27:27.520
♪ For the shame
Of being young, drunk, and alone ♪

27:28.938 --> 27:32.067
♪ Traffic lights and a transmitter radio ♪

27:33.276 --> 27:36.488
♪ I don't like
That when they threw me in the car ♪

27:37.238 --> 27:40.617
♪ I gave your name
As my emergency phone call ♪

27:40.700 --> 27:42.535
♪ Honey, it rang and rang ♪

27:42.619 --> 27:45.664
♪ Even the cops thought
You were wrong for hangin' up ♪

27:46.748 --> 27:50.543
♪ I dial drunk
I'll die a drunk, I'll die for you ♪

27:50.627 --> 27:52.295
What's up, Madison Square Garden?

27:52.379 --> 27:54.214
[crowd screaming]

27:54.297 --> 27:57.467
♪ I don't like
That when they threw me in the car ♪

27:58.385 --> 28:02.514
♪ I gave your name
As my emergency phone call, honey ♪

28:02.597 --> 28:05.725
[crowd] ♪ It rang and rang
Even the cops thought you were wrong ♪

28:05.809 --> 28:07.519
♪ For hangin' up ♪

28:08.019 --> 28:13.149
♪ I dial drunk
I'll die a drunk, I'll die for you ♪

28:13.233 --> 28:15.235
[crowd roaring]

28:17.987 --> 28:20.573
I wanna make sure
I start tonight off on the right tone.

28:20.657 --> 28:22.867
To do that, I'm gonna need
some help from everybody here.

28:22.951 --> 28:25.453
I want you guys all to look
at the person you came with tonight.

28:25.537 --> 28:28.581
Maybe they're your friend, your partner,
your roommate, your sister or brother.

28:29.666 --> 28:32.043
Look 'em in the eyes,
deep into their fuckin' eyes.

28:32.711 --> 28:36.297
And I want you to find the one thing that
you just really don't like about them.

28:36.381 --> 28:39.050
And I want you to hold it
until you both die old and alone.

28:39.134 --> 28:41.261
Thank you so much, Madison Square Garden!

28:41.344 --> 28:42.721
[screaming fades]

28:43.430 --> 28:44.848
[muffled dialogue]

28:47.016 --> 28:49.102
I've always wanted people's approval.

28:50.186 --> 28:53.857
And then there are those moments
when you're alone or you feel lonely,

28:54.357 --> 28:55.859
you're like, "What am I?"

28:55.942 --> 28:58.611
"Because I don't have anyone here
to approve of me."

28:59.362 --> 29:01.990
Where's my cell phone? Where's my
cell phone? Where's my cell phone?

29:02.073 --> 29:05.201
It's gonna drive me crazy.
[silly voice] Where's my phone? Ugh!

29:05.702 --> 29:07.328
[quietly] Drivin' me fuckin' nuts.

29:07.829 --> 29:09.205
I'm calling it right now.

29:09.289 --> 29:10.790
-Oh, it's right here.
-[silly voice] Oh.

29:12.125 --> 29:14.335
[producer] Noah, what do you check
right after a show?

29:14.836 --> 29:16.337
Usually texts,

29:16.421 --> 29:20.175
and then occasionally I'll check Twitter
to see what the response to the show was.

29:20.675 --> 29:24.471
If it's not good, I barricade myself
in my room and order Taco Bell.

29:24.554 --> 29:27.682
If it is good, barricade myself
in the room and order Taco Bell.

29:29.517 --> 29:30.727
This account, like,

29:32.395 --> 29:33.646
posts all…

29:36.649 --> 29:37.942
Um, God, I look fat.

29:45.450 --> 29:47.410
[whimsical music playing]

29:47.994 --> 29:49.954
-[man] For a little bit?
-[Noah] Yeah.

29:50.538 --> 29:52.081
All right, let's hit 'em.

29:53.750 --> 29:55.877
-You good with that?
-Yeah.

29:56.377 --> 29:59.088
Good, want you to get four more.
Four more, come on.

30:01.716 --> 30:04.427
[Noah] I've always just really hated
the way I looked.

30:04.511 --> 30:06.137
[man] Come on, big press.

30:06.221 --> 30:08.515
Hasn't been something
I've really spoken much about.

30:08.598 --> 30:10.725
Uh, it's something I've struggled with
my whole life.

30:13.561 --> 30:16.731
I, like, binge eat a lot of food
when I'm feeling stressed.

30:16.814 --> 30:20.944
And then, like,
I get, like, so… hateful about my body

30:21.027 --> 30:23.279
and, like, what I look like
that I don't eat for a while,

30:23.363 --> 30:24.697
and I can starve myself.

30:27.367 --> 30:29.452
When I look in the mirror,
I feel like I don't see

30:30.453 --> 30:31.746
what my body actually looks like.

30:33.081 --> 30:33.998
[exhales loudly]

30:34.082 --> 30:36.084
It's one of those things
I haven't talked about a lot

30:36.167 --> 30:40.421
because I don't know what my place in,
like, the world of this issue is.

30:40.505 --> 30:44.300
Like, I don't know
how to describe it really. Um…

30:44.384 --> 30:47.720
And because I don't wanna, like,
admit that I'm, like… I don't know.

30:48.221 --> 30:52.308
It's hard to admit, to talk about, like,
my body and, like, what I look like, and…

30:52.392 --> 30:56.563
Um, it's just something I've, like,
silently struggled with for 15 years now.

30:56.646 --> 30:57.647
[man] Up.

30:58.147 --> 30:59.357
One, two.

31:00.149 --> 31:01.067
Up.

31:01.985 --> 31:03.027
One, two.

31:03.653 --> 31:06.114
People make jokes about me,
and people talk about me.

31:06.197 --> 31:08.116
'Cause they think that
I make fun of myself, it's…

31:08.616 --> 31:11.494
that it's fine to, like,
call me ugly or, like,

31:12.036 --> 31:15.665
uh, talk about the way I look
or that, like, I don't shower, and, like…

31:15.748 --> 31:17.083
Y'know, I make those jokes myself.

31:17.917 --> 31:21.504
But, like, sometimes I want it to stop.
Sometimes I don't want to be the joke.

31:25.884 --> 31:31.556
It creates this idea that I don't have
anything attractive about me or, like…

31:33.891 --> 31:35.226
that matters.

31:41.733 --> 31:46.070
And I have done myself
a disservice by not… uh…

31:46.738 --> 31:47.697
[music ends]

31:47.780 --> 31:49.407
…by not opening up about it.

31:52.118 --> 31:53.202
[exhales emotionally]

31:53.703 --> 31:58.541
'Cause I sit around and…
talk about mental health all day, and…

32:01.377 --> 32:03.671
don't take care of myself
in the ways that I need to.

32:03.755 --> 32:05.048
And that's like… I'm sorry.

32:05.131 --> 32:07.842
Feels like I'm fuckin'… Can barely
get a real thought out right now,

32:07.926 --> 32:09.636
but it's just hard for me to talk about.

32:10.386 --> 32:12.388
[cheering fading in]

32:16.517 --> 32:19.896
[Noah] Goddamn, thank you so much, MSG.
That's so magical, man. Thank you.

32:19.979 --> 32:21.814
[crowd screaming]

32:24.734 --> 32:27.195
I'm getting lost
in these pants right now, dude.

32:27.278 --> 32:28.738
[chuckles] I love 'em though.

32:29.238 --> 32:31.240
Uh, we're changing the stage up
a little bit here,

32:31.324 --> 32:33.660
so I gotta be up here alone
with the microphone

32:33.743 --> 32:36.621
like a fuckin' manipulative youth pastor.

32:37.121 --> 32:40.875
This is, uh, this is my mom's living room.
We put it up on the stage.

32:40.958 --> 32:44.379
We brought my mom's living room,
and we replicated it for my stage.

32:44.963 --> 32:47.006
You can't quite replicate
the generational trauma,

32:47.090 --> 32:49.050
but we did our best to fit it in.

32:49.133 --> 32:52.053
[chuckles] And my mom is here tonight.
I'm sorry I made that joke, Mom.

32:52.136 --> 32:53.221
I love you so much.

32:53.972 --> 32:58.184
♪ I'm in the business
Of losing your interest ♪

32:58.267 --> 33:02.522
♪ And I turn a profit
Each time that we speak ♪

33:02.605 --> 33:07.360
♪ Don't you know there's a coffin
Buried under the garden ♪

33:07.443 --> 33:11.406
♪ It was there when we got here
Be there when we leave ♪

33:11.489 --> 33:13.491
[singing continues]

33:29.590 --> 33:31.134
[singing fades]

33:31.217 --> 33:34.178
I haven't… God, I haven't looked at these
in a really long time.

33:34.679 --> 33:38.474
That's Richard, Simon,
Sasha, and Noah there.

33:38.558 --> 33:42.020
The kids are exactly six years apart
from the first to the last.

33:42.103 --> 33:44.480
So it was like having a litter of puppies,

33:44.564 --> 33:47.150
and we just, sort of…
they all went everywhere together.

33:47.233 --> 33:48.484
[Sasha] Oh yes, yes!

33:48.568 --> 33:49.569
[whimpering]

33:51.779 --> 33:53.281
-[Lauri] Oh!
-[Sasha crying]

33:54.615 --> 33:55.783
[Lauri] No-ah!

33:56.451 --> 33:58.786
[baby voice] Want drink?
Let's go get drink for you.

33:59.287 --> 34:03.166
When we first heard him
doing the recording of Stick Season,

34:03.249 --> 34:04.917
he would play us his, sort of, the…

34:05.001 --> 34:07.962
I can't remember what it's called.
Like, the demos or whatever.

34:08.045 --> 34:11.007
And I'd listen and be like, "Oh my God!"

34:11.090 --> 34:13.593
"That references, y'know,
this time in our lives."

34:13.676 --> 34:14.552
[young Noah] Hi!

34:14.635 --> 34:16.137
-[young Richard] Hi, Mom!
-[Lauri] Hi.

34:16.220 --> 34:17.472
Today's Halloween.

34:17.555 --> 34:20.516
-So we're going trick-or-treating tonight.
-Hi!

34:20.600 --> 34:22.769
-[Sasha] We're gonna get lots of nice…
-[Lauri] Hi, Noey!

34:22.852 --> 34:26.063
It's just a picture.
It's not a phone, sweetie.

34:26.147 --> 34:28.566
-[Sasha] Is it recording?
-[Lauri] Let's see everyone. Noey!

34:28.649 --> 34:30.401
Bleurgh! Bleurgh! Bleurgh!

34:30.485 --> 34:32.904
[Lauri] We've had a rough day
at our house today.

34:32.987 --> 34:36.115
-[Noah shrieks]
-[Lauri] Okay, I'm gonna turn off now.

34:36.199 --> 34:39.869
The Easter eggs that only our family
knows about in these songs.

34:40.453 --> 34:44.832
I mean, the "attention-deficit kids
in their gym clothes," that's Richard.

34:44.916 --> 34:47.835
And "Come Over" he said was about Simon.

34:47.919 --> 34:52.715
And there's a lot about Josh, and me,
and stuff that's happened in our lives.

34:52.799 --> 34:54.092
[Josh] What d'you wanna be
when you grow up?

34:54.175 --> 34:56.469
I wanna be married
to that handsome Josh Kahan.

34:56.552 --> 34:57.929
And be a famous writer.

34:58.012 --> 35:02.308
Because, y'know,
we've all had our inter-family struggles.

35:02.391 --> 35:03.851
[indistinct dialogue]

35:03.935 --> 35:05.019
Stop it!

35:05.728 --> 35:08.231
[young Lauri] It seems to be a tense time
at the Kahan house.

35:08.314 --> 35:12.193
Like, y'know, accidents, divorce,
financial ruin. We got it all.

35:12.276 --> 35:13.486
[muted cheering]

35:14.195 --> 35:17.573
[Lauri] After the album,
people know everything about our lives.

35:23.204 --> 35:24.705
-[Brenna] Come on in.
-[Noah] "Forever."

35:24.789 --> 35:26.749
-[Alex] "Forever," that's what it was.
-[Brenna] Yeah.

35:26.833 --> 35:28.793
-You have a sweet time?
-I had so much fun.

35:28.876 --> 35:32.421
Oh my God, but you just wrecked me.
I was, like, a chocolate-sobbing mess.

35:32.505 --> 35:34.674
I won't play that one tomorrow,
so you don't get all sad.

35:34.757 --> 35:37.009
-[overlapping chatter]
-Great show, dude.

35:37.510 --> 35:39.762
-[Lauri] I was like, "Yeah, I don't care."
-[woman] Simon.

35:39.846 --> 35:43.516
-Hi, do you have a… a review of the show?
-Uh, show was great.

35:43.599 --> 35:45.101
He made my mom cry.

35:45.601 --> 35:47.770
-Nobody makes my mom cry!
-That's my mom!

35:47.854 --> 35:49.605
[Simon] You asshole.

35:51.232 --> 35:53.442
-[silly voice] Hi, Pen-Pen!
-Hey there, mad ma'am!

35:53.526 --> 35:56.612
-[Lauri] Hi-hi-hi-hi!
-[Noah] My God, I'm so happy to see you.

35:57.196 --> 35:59.240
I'll tell you the story for the camera.

35:59.323 --> 36:03.327
I got back from tour… and this is
the worst fuckin' Christmas of my life.

36:03.411 --> 36:04.453
So I get back from tour,

36:04.537 --> 36:07.665
I'm so tired from saving the world
with my beautiful melodies.

36:07.748 --> 36:11.377
[laughs] I wanna spend one day at home.
I'll just do Christmas with Dad.

36:12.211 --> 36:13.838
But my dad does not call me.

36:13.921 --> 36:17.633
I go up to his house like a fuckin' ghost
and knock on the door,

36:17.717 --> 36:21.762
and… my dad and his new girlfriend
and her son open the door.

36:21.846 --> 36:24.807
I'm like, "What the fuck?"
He's like, "Oh, yeah, Merry Christmas."

36:24.891 --> 36:26.267
[all laughing]

36:26.893 --> 36:28.978
[minimal piano music playing]

36:31.189 --> 36:34.692
Actually, LA was so crazy with people,
like, just screaming the lyrics

36:34.775 --> 36:35.860
about Mom and Dad's divorce.

36:35.943 --> 36:38.446
-The most surreal thing I've ever seen.
-It's so surreal.

36:38.529 --> 36:41.991
It was crazy, y'know.
And also, I feel like… I felt bad,

36:42.074 --> 36:45.786
'cause I did write a lot about Mom
and Dad, and I didn't really ask them.

36:45.870 --> 36:47.538
I kinda just, like…
I didn't think about it.

36:47.622 --> 36:50.041
I didn't… First of all,
I didn't think it would get this big.

36:50.124 --> 36:51.042
[Simon] Yeah.

36:52.251 --> 36:55.504
I didn't consider
how they would feel at all, really.

36:55.588 --> 36:58.674
And then, until later, where Mom's like,
"That hurt my feelings."

36:59.425 --> 37:01.802
I was introducing the stage
that looks like Mom's living room,

37:01.886 --> 37:05.765
and I was like, "We built, uh… we made it
look exactly like my mom's living room,

37:05.848 --> 37:07.934
but unfortunately couldn't bring
the divorce lawyers."

37:08.017 --> 37:11.312
She'll never outright say,
"Please don't do that," but she did say,

37:11.812 --> 37:14.732
"Just saw the TikTok about, like,
the divorce lawyers." And she said, "Ow."

37:15.316 --> 37:16.817
-It's like…
-Oh no.

37:18.194 --> 37:19.570
[car horns tooting]

37:26.869 --> 37:28.663
[producer] Noah, how's your voice feeling?

37:28.746 --> 37:31.707
I just feel like if I don't talk a lot,
I'll be fine. Save it for Seth.

37:31.791 --> 37:33.960
[hypnotic piano music playing]

37:58.859 --> 38:03.281
I have struggled with, like,
my body image for a long time.

38:03.364 --> 38:09.996
Like, always have felt physically ugly,
and, um, facially ugly, mentally ugly.

38:10.579 --> 38:12.206
[producer] What are they doing to you?

38:20.756 --> 38:24.635
And disorderly eating
is something I've experienced

38:25.553 --> 38:28.431
in… in ways my whole life,

38:28.514 --> 38:31.976
but particularly in my adult life,
like, the last four or five years.

38:35.813 --> 38:38.316
Sometimes, I'll see a photo.
People are like, "You look great."

38:38.399 --> 38:40.651
"What do you mean?
I look, like, 3 or 400 pounds."

38:42.903 --> 38:44.697
I don't know what I look like. No clue.

38:44.780 --> 38:48.117
I think… I guess that's what
body dysmorphia is supposed to be, like,

38:48.743 --> 38:50.995
not having a correct image of who you are.

38:51.662 --> 38:54.373
I'll be like, "Mom, I can't believe
how fuckin' fat and gross I look."

38:54.457 --> 38:56.751
"What are you talking about?"
Or "Brenna, I look…" Ooh!

38:57.251 --> 39:00.254
That's the worst timing ever
for that to happen. [laughing]

39:03.132 --> 39:04.300
No way, dude!

39:04.383 --> 39:08.304
My fat ass just broke the chair.
That's what I mean, dude. God.

39:09.847 --> 39:12.433
[Myers] I'm incredibly jealous
of something you're about to do.

39:12.516 --> 39:14.268
Madison Square Garden's all well and good,

39:14.352 --> 39:17.104
but as a fellow New Englander,
you're playing Fenway Park.

39:17.188 --> 39:19.523
-Uh, yeah.
-This is… I mean, that's a cathedral, man!

39:19.607 --> 39:20.900
-It's a cathedral.
-Mecca.

39:20.983 --> 39:23.694
We're actually… I'm wearing
something Red-Sox themed.

39:23.778 --> 39:26.739
The last time I was at Fenway Park,
I was throwing out a first pitch.

39:26.822 --> 39:28.824
How'd it go? Yeah.

39:28.908 --> 39:30.368
[audience laughing]

39:30.451 --> 39:32.244
Based on that face,
I'm not gonna look it up.

39:35.039 --> 39:36.874
[crowd groaning, cheering]

39:39.210 --> 39:40.461
[women laugh]

39:40.544 --> 39:41.629
[woman] Is that real?

39:41.712 --> 39:42.922
-Yeah.
-[woman] So funny.

39:43.005 --> 39:44.632
[raucous laughter]

39:45.466 --> 39:47.551
[melodic guitar music fades in]

39:52.181 --> 39:54.892
♪ Past Alger Brook Road ♪

39:55.393 --> 39:57.895
♪ I'm over the bridge ♪

39:58.437 --> 40:00.815
♪ A minute from home ♪

40:00.898 --> 40:03.859
♪ But I feel so far from it ♪

40:07.947 --> 40:09.573
[music fades]

40:09.657 --> 40:11.325
Songwriting on the road is, uh…

40:12.827 --> 40:15.996
kind of like
the white whale for me a little bit,

40:16.080 --> 40:20.000
because I'm not in a place of, uh,
much grounding right now in my life.

40:21.043 --> 40:22.837
[whistling melodically]

40:25.506 --> 40:27.424
[vocalizing]

40:31.220 --> 40:34.974
Right now, it feels insurmountable
to, like, catch up to

40:35.641 --> 40:39.061
the same feeling I had when I made,
y'know, Stick Season

40:39.603 --> 40:40.813
or my first album.

40:49.363 --> 40:52.533
♪ All the mice in my dad's house ♪

40:53.159 --> 40:54.243
It's boring.

40:54.910 --> 40:57.121
I'm also just bored
of the sound of my own voice.

40:57.621 --> 40:58.956
So everything sounds boring.

40:59.457 --> 41:01.125
[singing quietly]

41:01.208 --> 41:05.129
This is boring, or this doesn't
make sense, or this is derivative, like…

41:05.212 --> 41:08.090
♪ Who are the dogs in my dad's house? ♪

41:08.174 --> 41:09.675
I just have absolutely nothing.

41:09.758 --> 41:12.511
It's, like, I'm just, like,
diddling around on acoustic guitar

41:12.595 --> 41:14.972
like any other, like,
dude on a college lawn somewhere.

41:15.055 --> 41:16.974
[whimsical music playing]

41:33.866 --> 41:34.783
Stupid.

41:35.493 --> 41:38.120
I think, like,
the beauty of Stick Season was that

41:38.204 --> 41:43.584
there was such vivid detail
about his personal experiences

41:44.084 --> 41:48.964
and the detail of his hometown
and that relationship with his hometown.

41:49.048 --> 41:53.052
To be away from that hometown
for the last two and a half years,

41:53.135 --> 41:55.346
you definitely start to lose touch
a little bit.

41:55.429 --> 41:58.682
And I think his primary desire right now

41:58.766 --> 42:01.894
is to regain that relationship

42:01.977 --> 42:05.439
with who he is and the reason,
like, why he's doing this.

42:05.522 --> 42:06.398
[sighs]

42:09.818 --> 42:10.694
[camera clicks]

42:11.946 --> 42:13.113
Sick.

42:13.197 --> 42:14.907
Sick shot by me.

42:14.990 --> 42:17.493
-[woman chuckling]
-Rah!

42:17.576 --> 42:20.871
[woman] I really think if I brought Mom
and Dad out here, they'd really like it.

42:20.955 --> 42:23.332
[Noah] I think Dad would love it.
Mom would love it too.

42:25.459 --> 42:27.545
-[Sasha] D'you need water?
-I would love some.

42:28.379 --> 42:32.091
Where I feel like I've really struggled
the last year is just, like,

42:32.174 --> 42:36.011
the feeling of… missing you guys

42:36.095 --> 42:38.931
and missing what part I play
in the family, and, like…

42:39.515 --> 42:41.684
-You guys have always treated me the same.
-Right.

42:41.767 --> 42:45.020
Richard's like, "You still making
your fuckin' pussy-ass music, dude?"

42:45.104 --> 42:46.105
[laughs]

42:46.188 --> 42:48.899
Yeah. Dad's still like, "This is real…
you have a real shot at this."

42:48.983 --> 42:52.611
It took me, like, five years of, like,
hardcore touring for Dad to be like,

42:52.695 --> 42:55.072
"How's the music thing going?" [laughing]

42:57.324 --> 43:01.704
I do feel like, with Dad particularly,
like, I just… I used to be able to, like…

43:01.787 --> 43:05.499
We could get in a fight, but at least I'd
get to see him turn his bedroom light off.

43:05.583 --> 43:08.586
Y'know? And think, "I know he's okay."
Now it's, like, I just don't know, and…

43:08.669 --> 43:13.215
Y'know, you just don't… It just makes me
sad to not know what's going on with him.

43:13.299 --> 43:15.634
-Yeah. I worry.
-Me too.

43:15.718 --> 43:17.886
[poignant music playing]

43:17.970 --> 43:19.471
[Noah] I was in eighth grade.

43:20.139 --> 43:25.102
I was at the chocolate shop
in Hanover gettin' candy.

43:25.728 --> 43:27.938
I got a phone call,
and I looked at my phone like,

43:28.022 --> 43:30.065
"Oh my God,
I missed seven calls from my mom."

43:30.149 --> 43:33.902
My dad had been biking and had either
been hit by a car or ran off the road.

43:34.486 --> 43:38.449
He was in a coma,
and he wasn't able to move his legs.

43:39.450 --> 43:41.410
And he was hurt, like, really bad.

43:42.369 --> 43:44.163
I remember not knowing
if he was gonna wake up.

43:44.246 --> 43:45.456
[dogs barking]

43:51.003 --> 43:54.214
I knew what accidents were
and what traumatic brain injuries were.

43:54.298 --> 43:55.299
It changed everything.

44:01.513 --> 44:04.725
It was… a before and an after in our lives

44:04.808 --> 44:08.687
where you can see, "Oh,
this is where it all… started to unravel."

44:08.771 --> 44:10.397
-[man] Mr. Noah Kahan?
-[Noah] Papi! Papi!

44:10.481 --> 44:12.483
-[Papi] You are the champ!
-[Lauri] Go get your bubby.

44:12.983 --> 44:14.985
[Noah] And so, after the accident,

44:15.069 --> 44:19.656
this, like, brilliant guy who was always
a little weird and embarrassing,

44:20.157 --> 44:21.992
and maybe sometimes short-tempered,

44:22.951 --> 44:27.289
became slightly more weird,
slightly more short-tempered.

44:33.504 --> 44:36.674
I feel this guilt about being annoyed
by him and being shitty to him, and…

44:37.883 --> 44:40.678
and now… I don't get to see him as much.

44:40.761 --> 44:44.390
And every time I see him,
I feel like I get frustrated.

44:45.224 --> 44:48.227
And I feel like a lot of it is
because I can't figure out a way

44:48.310 --> 44:49.853
to let my dad be who he is.

44:54.775 --> 44:56.193
[dog barking]

44:57.194 --> 44:58.153
[music fades]

45:04.576 --> 45:06.954
I miss home all the time.
I miss home so much.

45:07.037 --> 45:08.747
-Me too.
-You do? Are you homesick?

45:08.831 --> 45:11.291
Yeah, I'm always homesick.
I miss home. I miss being…

45:11.375 --> 45:16.880
I think I miss home and I also miss, like…
the idea of being a kid and being home.

45:26.473 --> 45:28.600
[cows mooing]

45:28.684 --> 45:30.561
[Noah singing]

45:40.320 --> 45:42.114
I often think about the line

45:42.197 --> 45:45.075
"The weather ain't been bad
if you're into masochistic bullshit."

45:45.159 --> 45:47.494
[chuckles] That comes up a lot.

45:51.957 --> 45:55.627
It's definitely not picturesque
throughout the whole year.

45:55.711 --> 45:57.588
Yeah, like, it gets pretty miserable.

45:57.671 --> 46:01.258
Anytime Noah'd get upset about it like,
[mocking] "Oh, go write a song about it."

46:01.341 --> 46:04.386
Like, "Why don't you go cry?
Maybe you can write a sad, sad song."

46:04.470 --> 46:08.140
And, uh, now, uh, look where he is
and look what I'm doin'. [laughs]

46:09.016 --> 46:10.392
[music intensifies]

46:22.321 --> 46:26.033
In "Homesick," he says, "I'm mean
because I grew up in New England."

46:26.116 --> 46:28.911
I'm… I'm not mean, I don't think. [laughs]

46:30.496 --> 46:32.414
Yeah, he's not mean either.

46:33.665 --> 46:34.833
Hey, that's funny.

46:39.797 --> 46:41.423
This is my home.

46:41.924 --> 46:44.510
I wanna stay in Strafford,
and I wanna stay right…

46:44.593 --> 46:45.803
[chair squeaking]

46:45.886 --> 46:48.764
…here. [laughing]

46:52.476 --> 46:53.810
[music ends]

46:53.894 --> 46:57.105
It's a great place to live,
but the living's not great.

46:57.189 --> 46:59.942
It just feels so lonely sometimes.

47:03.737 --> 47:09.618
I think young men in small towns
feel like reputation is everything.

47:10.118 --> 47:11.954
So, like, being vulnerable
and going to therapy

47:12.037 --> 47:14.414
is, like, a knock to your reputation
and being seen as weak.

47:14.498 --> 47:16.583
It fosters this, like, growing pain

47:16.667 --> 47:21.213
and this, like, secrecy of pain,
um, that can explode.

47:22.881 --> 47:25.759
I had, like, moments of,

47:26.593 --> 47:29.763
like, helplessness, for sure,
and, like, full-on…

47:31.765 --> 47:34.768
Like, there's a couple of people
that had committed suicide.

47:36.478 --> 47:39.481
And I never, like,
was considering suicide. I never…

47:40.023 --> 47:46.071
I think it felt like a very real…
like, future possibility though.

47:46.655 --> 47:50.367
My mom had put my older brother in therapy
for something at some point in his life,

47:50.450 --> 47:52.744
and so she recommended it to me.

47:53.954 --> 47:56.790
I think I decided I needed to go
for myself when I was in high school,

47:56.874 --> 47:59.626
and I started having these,
like, feelings of,

48:00.419 --> 48:04.214
um, like, real feelings
of, like, depersonalization,

48:04.298 --> 48:09.595
and, um, dissociation, and depression,
anxiety that, like, was heavy on me.

48:11.263 --> 48:13.473
Yeah, that's kinda how
I got started on therapy.

48:13.974 --> 48:15.976
[singing]

48:32.534 --> 48:36.788
[man] Noah Kahan takes the stage
at the Champlain Valley Expo.

48:36.872 --> 48:41.668
All of the proceeds benefit
the Busyhead Project founded by Kahan,

48:41.752 --> 48:46.506
which provides resources to Vermonters
struggling with mental health issues.

48:46.590 --> 48:48.592
[singing continues]

49:07.653 --> 49:10.238
[woman] This is the Busyhead Project
community wall.

49:10.322 --> 49:14.034
Fans come in and write messages to place
up on the wall for others to read.

49:14.910 --> 49:16.578
It's all mental health-related.

49:17.204 --> 49:18.997
[boy] What I wrote today was

49:19.081 --> 49:22.709
that one thing that I was really proud of
is overcoming my OCD.

49:22.793 --> 49:23.877
He's doing great.

49:24.920 --> 49:27.506
♪ 'Cause everyone's growing ♪

49:27.589 --> 49:30.175
♪ And everyone's healthy ♪

49:30.258 --> 49:33.345
His music has become an outlet
for so many people,

49:33.428 --> 49:37.724
talking about mental health,
and it's okay to not be okay.

49:37.808 --> 49:41.061
Just… reach out for help.

49:41.144 --> 49:42.980
♪ Guess I'll try it ♪

49:44.564 --> 49:46.149
[girl] He helped me through everything.

49:46.233 --> 49:47.359
It was…

49:48.235 --> 49:51.196
It's his music. Everything about him.

49:56.201 --> 49:57.244
[woman] Awesome.

49:57.744 --> 49:59.579
And then last one, do whatever you want.

49:59.663 --> 50:01.665
-Whoo! [laughing]
-[Bernie laughing]

50:02.374 --> 50:05.043
[Noah] That's so crazy.
What a down-to-earth legend.

50:05.127 --> 50:06.545
[cheering fades in]

50:10.132 --> 50:11.800
[cheering intensifies]

50:12.592 --> 50:17.597
Noah has made his mark
in countries throughout the world,

50:17.681 --> 50:21.393
but he hasn't forgotten
where he came from.

50:21.476 --> 50:22.686
Stay in Vermont!

50:23.645 --> 50:26.606
And what I especially appreciate
about Noah

50:26.690 --> 50:30.444
is not only his artistic ability,

50:31.445 --> 50:33.822
but his understanding
that there are a lot of people

50:33.905 --> 50:38.243
in our state and around the country
who are in need.

50:38.827 --> 50:41.580
Let us welcome Noah Kahan!

50:45.125 --> 50:46.960
[subdued music playing]

50:51.381 --> 50:52.424
[crowd cheering]

50:54.259 --> 50:55.427
Athleticism.

50:57.721 --> 51:00.807
Thank you so much
to everybody that came today.

51:00.891 --> 51:04.144
I promise you being here is…
is gonna make a difference for people

51:04.227 --> 51:06.313
in rural areas to find access to therapy

51:06.396 --> 51:08.523
and reduce the stigma
around mental health care.

51:08.607 --> 51:10.609
[crowd cheering]

51:11.276 --> 51:13.069
I cannot thank you enough.
This is so special.

51:13.153 --> 51:15.822
I've not been to Vermont as much
as I should've in the past two years.

51:15.906 --> 51:18.950
Thank you for waiting for me to come home.
I'm so happy to be here.

51:19.034 --> 51:21.078
[acoustic guitar playing]

51:23.413 --> 51:26.708
♪ The college kids are gettin' so young
Ain't they? ♪

51:26.792 --> 51:29.044
♪ They're correctin' all the grammar
On a spray paint ♪

51:29.127 --> 51:32.172
♪ And I even gave up drivin'
After nightfall ♪

51:32.255 --> 51:34.925
♪ I got tired of the frat boys
With their brights on ♪

51:35.008 --> 51:37.761
♪ This is good land, or at least it was ♪

51:37.844 --> 51:40.972
♪ It takes a strong hand
And a sound mind ♪

51:44.935 --> 51:49.564
♪ It makes me smile
To know when things get hard ♪

51:49.648 --> 51:52.317
♪ Ooh, you'll be far ♪

51:52.400 --> 51:56.696
♪ Ooh, you'll be far from here ♪

51:56.780 --> 52:00.826
♪ And while I clean shit up in the yard ♪

52:00.909 --> 52:03.245
♪ Ooh, you'll be far ♪

52:03.328 --> 52:08.458
♪ Ooh, you'll be far, far from here ♪

52:09.167 --> 52:11.294
[crowd whooping, cheering]

52:11.378 --> 52:13.880
♪ So pack up your car
Put a hand on your heart ♪

52:13.964 --> 52:16.508
♪ Say whatever you feel
Be wherever you are ♪

52:16.591 --> 52:18.593
♪ We ain't angry at you, love ♪

52:19.344 --> 52:21.638
♪ You're the greatest thing we've lost ♪

52:22.430 --> 52:25.267
♪ The birds will still sing
Your folks will still fight ♪

52:25.350 --> 52:27.978
♪ The boards still creak
The leaves still die ♪

52:28.061 --> 52:30.313
♪ We ain't angry at you, love ♪

52:30.397 --> 52:33.400
♪ We'll be waitin' for you, love ♪

52:33.483 --> 52:37.571
♪ And we'll all be here forever ♪

52:38.947 --> 52:43.702
♪ And we'll all be here forever ♪

52:44.244 --> 52:47.038
♪ You're gonna go far! ♪

52:47.122 --> 52:48.331
[music stops]

52:49.916 --> 52:51.918
What happened with Dad
is probably the hardest thing

52:52.002 --> 52:53.712
we've had to overcome as a family.

52:53.795 --> 52:54.963
[Simon] Yeah, I'm sure.

52:55.046 --> 52:58.049
I remember, like, he was training
for a triathlon when he got hurt.

52:58.133 --> 53:00.343
When he was in a rehab facility
in Mount Ascutney,

53:00.427 --> 53:03.805
he was… trying to sneak out
to go for runs.

53:03.889 --> 53:06.808
Like, he was attached to a catheter
and trying to, like, fuckin' walk out

53:06.892 --> 53:11.396
and go… and go… go out and tr, train
for Lake Placid. It was, like…

53:11.479 --> 53:13.857
[Simon] I've always thought
that was sadly kinda hilarious.

53:13.940 --> 53:16.735
Hilarious. There was so much about it
that was funny 'cause it was Dad,

53:16.818 --> 53:18.778
but it was also, like,
really tragic, y'know?

53:18.862 --> 53:20.322
I was worried he wouldn't remember us

53:20.405 --> 53:23.033
'cause, like,
the way they described the brain…

53:23.116 --> 53:24.659
-It was, like, really bad.
-Yeah.

53:24.743 --> 53:28.079
Dude, he doesn't remember watching Lost.
Remember watching Lost that summer?

53:28.163 --> 53:31.124
Were you with us? We watched,
like, the entire show of Lost.

53:31.207 --> 53:34.419
I was talking about it the other day,
expecting him to know the characters.

53:34.502 --> 53:36.171
Didn't remember a fuckin' thing.
It sucked.

53:36.254 --> 53:39.549
I'm more worried about him not remembering
my birthday than not remembering Lost.

53:42.135 --> 53:44.054
Right now, we're driving to Boston.

53:44.137 --> 53:47.807
Uh, a drive I've done more times
than I'd like to have done.

53:47.891 --> 53:50.143
Fenway is definitely a peak in my career.

53:50.227 --> 53:53.271
It's… I told my management
I was gonna retire after Fenway,

53:53.355 --> 53:55.232
and, uh, they did not like that, but…

53:57.317 --> 54:01.738
38,000 people, and over,
y'know, twice in a row,

54:01.821 --> 54:04.366
70-something math-problem thousand people,

54:04.449 --> 54:08.536
and, um, we've never even done
anything close, y'know.

54:08.620 --> 54:10.455
[frantic music playing]

54:14.250 --> 54:17.671
Fenway Park, the biggest show of my life.

54:18.672 --> 54:20.048
Oh my God.

54:20.131 --> 54:22.133
[woman] The excitement outside Fenway Park

54:22.217 --> 54:25.679
started 16 hours
before the concert itself.

54:25.762 --> 54:28.223
-[Brenna] Hey, bud, how are ya?
-I'm stressing, big time.

54:28.306 --> 54:29.557
-[Brenna] Are you?
-Yeah.

54:33.561 --> 54:35.021
[high-pitched bubbling]

54:35.105 --> 54:36.648
[Penny whimpers]

54:41.611 --> 54:45.824
[crowd chanting] Noah! Noah!
Noah! Noah! Noah!

54:49.244 --> 54:51.246
[crowd roars]

54:52.038 --> 54:52.956
Breathe.

54:54.499 --> 54:55.709
Okay, so "no."

54:55.792 --> 55:00.755
♪ No, no, no, no, no, no
No, no, no, no, no, no, no ♪

55:02.632 --> 55:07.512
♪ No, no, no, no, no, no
No, no, no, no, no, no, no ♪

55:08.430 --> 55:12.058
[all] Ahhhhh!

55:19.399 --> 55:20.275
[music fades]

55:20.358 --> 55:22.235
-[knocking at door]
-[singing softly]

55:23.903 --> 55:26.698
[Noah] Good to meet you. I'm so glad
you made it all the way up here.

55:26.781 --> 55:30.118
Thanks for comin'! How was the flight?
How's it going? Nice to meet ya.

55:30.201 --> 55:32.203
-Thanks for coming by.
-I appreciate this.

55:32.287 --> 55:34.914
Oh boy, of course. It's my pleasure.
We're so happy to have you guys.

55:34.998 --> 55:36.583
[man] We're on a bucket list trip.

55:37.500 --> 55:40.920
You've gotten me through
a lot of my treatment.

55:41.004 --> 55:45.258
Whenever I'm anxious,
or nauseous, or sad, or happy,

55:45.341 --> 55:47.552
I listen to your music. [inhales shakily]

55:47.635 --> 55:49.721
So honored.
You got yourself through those things too.

55:49.804 --> 55:52.223
That was you too, y'know? Not just me.

55:52.307 --> 55:54.267
And I'm so happy
to have helped in any way.

55:54.768 --> 55:57.812
-Do you have a favorite song?
-[giggles] "Forever."

55:57.896 --> 55:59.647
-You like "Forever"? You wanna hear it?
-Yeah.

55:59.731 --> 56:01.483
All right, cool.
Let me play you "Forever."

56:02.359 --> 56:07.781
♪ Let's drive for no reason
Let's see where these wheels land ♪

56:07.864 --> 56:11.659
♪ Let's grind down
The curve of this earth ♪

56:12.160 --> 56:15.163
♪ You look fine in the evening ♪

56:15.246 --> 56:18.249
♪ Honey, it's starting to storm ♪

56:19.042 --> 56:21.795
♪ When we kissed in the car ♪

56:21.878 --> 56:24.464
♪ In the school parking lot ♪

56:24.547 --> 56:28.510
♪ Where I'd go with my friends
To get drunk ♪

56:29.094 --> 56:31.930
♪ Used to wish I meant anything ♪

56:32.013 --> 56:35.767
♪ To anywhere, to anyone ♪

56:37.352 --> 56:42.482
♪ When forever was a sentence ♪

56:42.565 --> 56:45.652
♪ Sentence to death ♪

56:46.486 --> 56:50.156
♪ Oh, when you were a running tear ♪

56:50.240 --> 56:53.118
♪ I was a drop of sweat ♪

56:54.369 --> 56:59.791
♪ I won't be alone
For the rest of my life ♪

56:59.874 --> 57:01.501
♪ I'll build a boat ♪

57:02.335 --> 57:04.754
♪ For when the river gets high ♪

57:04.838 --> 57:06.464
♪ And I'll meet a girl ♪

57:07.465 --> 57:09.509
♪ In the heat of July ♪

57:09.592 --> 57:13.304
♪ And I'll tell her so she knows ♪

57:14.764 --> 57:19.310
♪ That I'm broke
But I'm real rich in my head ♪

57:19.394 --> 57:21.479
♪ That I broke a bone ♪

57:21.563 --> 57:24.190
♪ That never healed in my hand ♪

57:24.274 --> 57:26.109
♪ So when I hold her close ♪

57:26.985 --> 57:28.611
♪ I might loosen my grip ♪

57:28.695 --> 57:32.615
♪ But I won't ever let her go ♪

57:34.159 --> 57:37.412
♪ I won't ever let her go ♪

57:38.746 --> 57:42.000
Noah! Noah! Noah! Noah! Noah!

57:42.083 --> 57:43.460
[chanting continues]

57:44.169 --> 57:46.921
-[acoustic guitar strumming]
-[crowd cheering]

57:53.470 --> 57:58.391
♪ I won't be alone
For the rest of my life ♪

57:58.475 --> 57:59.893
♪ I'll build a boat ♪

58:00.852 --> 58:03.021
♪ For when the river gets high ♪

58:03.104 --> 58:05.190
♪ And I'll meet a girl ♪

58:06.191 --> 58:08.234
♪ In the heat of July ♪

58:08.318 --> 58:12.489
♪ And I'll tell her so she knows ♪

58:13.364 --> 58:15.658
♪ That I'm broke ♪

58:15.742 --> 58:18.161
♪ But I'm real rich in my head ♪

58:18.244 --> 58:20.163
♪ That I broke a bone ♪

58:20.663 --> 58:22.916
♪ That never healed in my hand ♪

58:22.999 --> 58:25.001
♪ So when I hold her close ♪

58:25.919 --> 58:27.587
♪ I might loosen my grip ♪

58:27.670 --> 58:31.341
♪ But I won't ever let her go ♪

58:31.424 --> 58:32.509
Boston!

58:33.301 --> 58:36.679
♪ I won't ever let her go ♪

58:38.598 --> 58:43.520
♪ When forever was a sentence ♪

58:44.312 --> 58:47.398
♪ Sentence to death ♪

58:48.399 --> 58:52.445
♪ Oh, when you were a running tear ♪

58:52.529 --> 58:55.865
♪ I was a drop of sweat ♪

58:56.908 --> 59:01.204
♪ And the edges of your soul ♪

59:01.287 --> 59:05.250
♪ I haven't seen yet ♪

59:06.376 --> 59:10.964
♪ Now I'm glad I get forever ♪

59:11.047 --> 59:13.299
♪ To see where you end ♪

59:14.634 --> 59:20.974
♪ To see where you end ♪

59:21.474 --> 59:23.560
-[music ends]
-[crowd cheering]

59:28.898 --> 59:30.525
It's so good to be home!

59:30.608 --> 59:31.943
[crowd cheering]

59:32.026 --> 59:33.820
My name is Noah Kahan.

59:33.903 --> 59:35.238
I'm from Strafford, Vermont.

59:35.321 --> 59:37.615
I lived up the road
in Watertown, Massachusetts.

59:38.449 --> 59:41.536
My mom went to Boston College.
My dad went to MIT.

59:42.036 --> 59:44.330
And I'm playing
fuckin' Fenway Park tonight!

59:44.414 --> 59:46.582
[crowd cheering]

59:46.666 --> 59:48.418
My mom and dad are here tonight.

59:50.128 --> 59:51.713
Get back together! No, uh…

59:53.715 --> 59:56.634
If your parents are split up,
let me hear you say, "Hell yeah."

59:56.718 --> 59:58.553
[crowd] Hell yeah!

59:58.636 --> 01:00:00.513
[chuckles] Wow, you guys are fucked up.

01:00:01.681 --> 01:00:03.641
Let me hear you say, "Two Christmases!"

01:00:03.725 --> 01:00:05.768
[crowd] Two Christmases!

01:00:09.105 --> 01:00:12.275
I know, uh… I know it's really easy
to blame yourself, Boston.

01:00:12.358 --> 01:00:15.069
I know it's easy to say,
"It's my fault that they split up."

01:00:15.153 --> 01:00:17.572
I want you to know,
without a shadow of a doubt,

01:00:17.655 --> 01:00:19.115
it is not your fault.

01:00:20.116 --> 01:00:21.367
It's your dad's fault!

01:00:24.829 --> 01:00:27.624
Uh, this next song is about being
an asshole from the northeast,

01:00:27.707 --> 01:00:29.250
being cold as hell.

01:00:29.334 --> 01:00:32.712
Uh, Boston, thank you so much
for the greatest night of my young life,

01:00:32.795 --> 01:00:34.505
or old life, whatever. Thank you.

01:00:36.174 --> 01:00:38.343
[indistinct shouting]

01:00:39.260 --> 01:00:41.220
[guitar music playing]

01:00:41.304 --> 01:00:42.847
[crowd cheering]

01:00:46.476 --> 01:00:47.644
♪ Breathin' in ♪

01:00:48.353 --> 01:00:49.604
♪ Breathin' out ♪

01:00:50.355 --> 01:00:51.606
♪ How you been? ♪

01:00:52.273 --> 01:00:53.566
♪ Settled down? ♪

01:00:54.359 --> 01:00:55.568
♪ Feelin' right? ♪

01:00:56.235 --> 01:00:57.570
♪ Feelin' proud? ♪

01:00:58.237 --> 01:00:59.447
♪ How're your kids? ♪

01:00:59.989 --> 01:01:01.616
♪ Where are they now? ♪

01:01:02.200 --> 01:01:03.534
♪ You build a boat ♪

01:01:04.243 --> 01:01:05.495
♪ You build a life ♪

01:01:06.120 --> 01:01:08.081
♪ You lose your friends ♪

01:01:08.164 --> 01:01:09.957
♪ You lose your wife ♪

01:01:10.041 --> 01:01:13.044
♪ You settle in to routine ♪

01:01:14.045 --> 01:01:15.588
♪ Where are you? ♪

01:01:15.672 --> 01:01:17.799
♪ What does it mean? ♪

01:01:19.258 --> 01:01:20.468
Three, four!

01:01:20.551 --> 01:01:21.969
[music intensifies]

01:01:22.053 --> 01:01:23.763
[vocalizing]

01:01:37.694 --> 01:01:39.821
♪ If I get too close ♪

01:01:41.364 --> 01:01:43.908
♪ And I'm not how you hoped ♪

01:01:45.284 --> 01:01:48.162
♪ Forgive my northern attitude ♪

01:01:48.246 --> 01:01:51.749
♪ Oh, I was raised out in the cold ♪

01:01:53.126 --> 01:01:55.211
♪ If the sun don't rise ♪

01:01:56.712 --> 01:01:59.340
♪ 'Til the summertime ♪

01:02:01.008 --> 01:02:04.095
♪ Forgive my northern attitude ♪

01:02:04.178 --> 01:02:07.557
♪ Oh, I was raised on little light ♪

01:02:07.640 --> 01:02:09.267
[vocalizing]

01:02:20.236 --> 01:02:22.071
Boston, New England!

01:02:24.824 --> 01:02:27.243
♪ If I get too close ♪

01:02:28.703 --> 01:02:31.873
[crowd] ♪ And I'm not what you hoped ♪

01:02:32.832 --> 01:02:35.877
♪ Forgive my northern attitude ♪

01:02:35.960 --> 01:02:39.797
♪ Oh, I was raised on little light ♪

01:02:40.798 --> 01:02:45.470
♪ If the sun don't rise ♪

01:02:45.553 --> 01:02:48.014
♪ 'Til the summertime ♪

01:02:49.640 --> 01:02:52.643
♪ Forgive my northern attitude ♪

01:02:52.727 --> 01:02:56.856
♪ Oh, I was raised on little light ♪

01:02:56.939 --> 01:02:58.149
[music ends]

01:02:59.358 --> 01:03:00.610
Thank you so much.

01:03:07.116 --> 01:03:09.118
[ethereal music playing]

01:03:26.427 --> 01:03:28.888
My entire life,
I always have believed in fate.

01:03:35.812 --> 01:03:39.857
Always believed there was some journey
for me that I was supposed to be on.

01:03:39.941 --> 01:03:41.108
[crowd cheering]

01:03:42.401 --> 01:03:43.444
This is it.

01:03:43.528 --> 01:03:44.946
[cheering intensifies]

01:03:55.540 --> 01:03:59.502
[crowd chanting] Noah! Noah! Noah! Noah!

01:04:05.216 --> 01:04:07.510
It's really magical
that you get to live out

01:04:07.593 --> 01:04:10.555
a dream you had when you were walking
through the woods when you were a kid.

01:04:13.349 --> 01:04:16.352
-[music reprises]
-[crowd cheering]

01:04:17.937 --> 01:04:22.233
This might be the last time I see a crowd
this big for a long, long time.

01:04:23.985 --> 01:04:25.069
[crowd screaming]

01:04:26.529 --> 01:04:28.698
[whooping happily]

01:04:29.657 --> 01:04:32.243
New England! One, two, three!

01:04:32.326 --> 01:04:36.455
♪ So I thought that
If I piled something good on all my bad ♪

01:04:36.539 --> 01:04:40.167
♪ That I could cancel out the darkness
I inherited from Dad ♪

01:04:40.251 --> 01:04:42.253
♪ No, I am no longer funny ♪

01:04:42.336 --> 01:04:44.672
♪ 'Cause I miss the way you laugh ♪

01:04:45.298 --> 01:04:48.759
♪ You once called me forever
Now you still can't call me back ♪

01:04:48.843 --> 01:04:52.555
-♪ And I love Vermont, but it's the… ♪
-[crowd] ♪ …season of the sticks ♪

01:04:52.638 --> 01:04:54.974
-♪ And I… ♪
-[Noah] ♪ …saw your mom ♪

01:04:55.057 --> 01:04:57.143
-♪ She… ♪
-[crowd] ♪ …forgot that I existed ♪

01:04:57.226 --> 01:05:00.730
[all] ♪ And it's half my fault
But I just like to play the victim ♪

01:05:00.813 --> 01:05:01.897
[Noah] ♪ I'll drink… ♪

01:05:01.981 --> 01:05:05.443
[crowd] ♪ …alcohol 'til my friends
Come home for Christmas ♪

01:05:05.526 --> 01:05:09.572
♪ And I'll dream each night
Of some version of you ♪

01:05:09.655 --> 01:05:13.409
♪ That I might not have
But I did not lose ♪

01:05:13.492 --> 01:05:17.622
♪ Now you're tire tracks
And one pair of shoes ♪

01:05:17.705 --> 01:05:21.375
♪ And I'm split in half
But that'll have to… ♪

01:05:21.459 --> 01:05:22.293
Fenway!

01:05:22.376 --> 01:05:24.337
♪ …have to do ♪

01:05:30.343 --> 01:05:32.053
[music ends]

01:05:40.603 --> 01:05:42.229
[cheering intensifies]

01:05:46.776 --> 01:05:48.903
Boston, we fuckin' love you!

01:06:01.082 --> 01:06:02.541
[cheering continues]

01:06:07.004 --> 01:06:10.007
Oh my God. That was truly
the best night of my fuckin' life.

01:06:10.091 --> 01:06:11.384
[Brenna] Want a water?

01:06:11.467 --> 01:06:12.468
[Noah] Thanks, yeah.

01:06:12.551 --> 01:06:13.761
[both laughing]

01:06:13.844 --> 01:06:15.262
[Noah] Through tears.

01:06:15.346 --> 01:06:17.223
-Oh my God.
-[crowd chanting]

01:06:17.306 --> 01:06:19.266
-That was insane.
-[inaudible dialogue]

01:06:21.686 --> 01:06:24.397
[crowd chanting] Noah! Noah! Noah!

01:06:26.774 --> 01:06:27.942
[fans screaming]

01:06:28.025 --> 01:06:31.195
Noah! Noah! Noah! Noah!

01:06:31.278 --> 01:06:33.364
[girls shrieking]

01:06:33.447 --> 01:06:34.699
[silence]

01:06:37.576 --> 01:06:39.578
[gentle tapping]

01:06:46.711 --> 01:06:49.088
-[Penny barking]
-[groans]

01:06:49.171 --> 01:06:52.216
Hey, Noey, do you…
do you wanna try wearing these boots?

01:06:52.925 --> 01:06:56.011
Last summer, I tried to do this myself,
and I couldn't.

01:06:56.095 --> 01:06:57.513
-[Noah] Oof.
-They fit?

01:06:57.596 --> 01:06:59.765
[boots squeaking]

01:06:59.849 --> 01:07:00.850
I look like a crab.

01:07:00.933 --> 01:07:02.601
[Lauri laughing]

01:07:04.603 --> 01:07:06.188
[Noah] Just another Vermont day.

01:07:07.273 --> 01:07:09.692
[Lauri] We're gonna need
to pull the dock into the water,

01:07:09.775 --> 01:07:12.278
and then we'll drop the, um, the weights.

01:07:12.361 --> 01:07:13.487
[Penny whimpers]

01:07:15.948 --> 01:07:18.743
[Noah] Three, two, one.

01:07:20.286 --> 01:07:22.580
[Lauri] Go, go, there we go. Argh!

01:07:24.540 --> 01:07:25.666
Careful!

01:07:26.667 --> 01:07:27.543
[Noah] Bitch!

01:07:27.626 --> 01:07:29.044
[Lauri] Okay, and now…

01:07:30.046 --> 01:07:32.298
Penny ate the other half of this. [laughs]

01:07:32.381 --> 01:07:33.758
[Noah] Darn it, Penny.

01:07:36.677 --> 01:07:38.929
I just don't wanna see any creepy frogs.

01:07:39.013 --> 01:07:40.765
[Lauri] Um, well…

01:07:41.390 --> 01:07:43.142
[frog croaking]

01:07:43.225 --> 01:07:45.603
-[Noah] I figured out a new way.
-I like it.

01:07:46.771 --> 01:07:50.107
I just played the biggest show of my life.
All my friends and family were there.

01:07:52.276 --> 01:07:53.110
Ugh!

01:07:53.194 --> 01:07:56.989
[Noah] And so it's very strange to,
kind of, like, go from a hundred to zero.

01:08:01.911 --> 01:08:04.455
[ethereal electronic music playing]

01:08:24.642 --> 01:08:26.185
[Noah] Like, I'm sad it's over.

01:08:26.936 --> 01:08:29.563
And I… and I don't know
what the next thing is, and it's scary.

01:08:30.773 --> 01:08:32.942
I don't have a vision
for what's next for myself.

01:08:37.696 --> 01:08:40.407
Um, and now my mental health
has never been, like,

01:08:40.491 --> 01:08:43.244
as, I think as low

01:08:43.828 --> 01:08:46.288
as it has been
the last three months of my life.

01:08:49.959 --> 01:08:53.587
I feel like you let fear
kind of drive your life.

01:08:54.088 --> 01:08:56.340
And I just have always had,
like, a confidence in you

01:08:56.423 --> 01:08:59.552
that you're gonna figure it…
you're gonna be okay.

01:09:05.307 --> 01:09:08.561
I just feel, like,
the emptiness approaching, kind of,

01:09:08.644 --> 01:09:11.063
and… I do not wanna look at it.

01:09:11.730 --> 01:09:13.023
And it makes me sad.

01:09:15.943 --> 01:09:18.070
[electric guitar strumming]

01:09:18.696 --> 01:09:20.322
[electronic cacophony]

01:09:23.492 --> 01:09:26.620
[man] I think that, like, uh,
artists and children are very similar.

01:09:26.704 --> 01:09:30.082
The only difference is that
when a child runs toward the street,

01:09:30.166 --> 01:09:31.834
you wanna grab them.

01:09:31.917 --> 01:09:34.920
But when an artist does,
you kinda just let 'em get hit by cars.

01:09:35.004 --> 01:09:37.006
'Cause it's kinda
the most important thing for them.

01:09:37.089 --> 01:09:38.883
Like, that's when the best shit comes out.

01:09:39.633 --> 01:09:42.136
But it's really hard to get to that place.

01:09:42.887 --> 01:09:45.514
He has to make things
a little more difficult for himself.

01:09:47.183 --> 01:09:48.893
[blows raspberry]

01:09:48.976 --> 01:09:50.936
[Noah] All right. [clears throat]

01:09:52.897 --> 01:09:54.231
Check. Oh.

01:09:55.482 --> 01:10:00.613
♪ I tried to beat the thoughts
That you'd worked overtime to start ♪

01:10:00.696 --> 01:10:05.242
♪ You said, "Fuck off"
And I said nothin' for a while ♪

01:10:05.326 --> 01:10:07.828
-[music stops]
-[Gabe] Why not give it another shot.

01:10:08.412 --> 01:10:12.249
♪ My deep misunderstanding
Of your life…. ♪

01:10:12.333 --> 01:10:13.918
-One second, one second.
-[music stops]

01:10:14.001 --> 01:10:15.836
♪ …standing of your life ♪

01:10:15.920 --> 01:10:17.671
[music restarts]

01:10:18.297 --> 01:10:22.718
♪ I hope you settle down
I hope you marry rich ♪

01:10:22.801 --> 01:10:24.094
Yikes, one more time.

01:10:24.178 --> 01:10:28.891
♪ I'm not your soul
And what am I to do with it? ♪

01:10:28.974 --> 01:10:31.352
Is, is the vocal, like, fading in and out,
volume-wise?

01:10:31.435 --> 01:10:34.355
I feel like I was, like… at some points
in the song, I felt way louder.

01:10:34.438 --> 01:10:37.358
Well, you… We have to kind of match you
as you're goin' along.

01:10:40.486 --> 01:10:45.324
♪ I'm not your soul
And what am I to do with it? ♪

01:10:46.825 --> 01:10:50.120
♪ My deep misunderstanding of… ♪

01:10:50.204 --> 01:10:52.206
Fuck me! Fuckin' part sucks.

01:10:52.289 --> 01:10:54.291
Can I do that…
Can I go to that pre-chorus again?

01:10:54.792 --> 01:10:58.087
♪ My deep misunderstanding of… ♪

01:10:58.587 --> 01:11:00.172
-Fuck!
-[music stops]

01:11:00.255 --> 01:11:01.924
[Gabe] You wanna take a break
for a minute?

01:11:02.883 --> 01:11:03.842
Yeah.

01:11:08.138 --> 01:11:11.225
I'm trying to run away
from a lot of stuff right now.

01:11:11.850 --> 01:11:15.771
I think I've realized that there's some
insurmountable goal that I'll never reach.

01:11:15.854 --> 01:11:18.649
Like, I don't give a fuck
about music right now. I don't care.

01:11:18.732 --> 01:11:20.192
And it's such a bummer.

01:11:20.693 --> 01:11:25.572
Maybe that's what I'm just feeling,
is just tired of being somebody else.

01:11:25.656 --> 01:11:27.533
Like, I don't see any of myself

01:11:28.659 --> 01:11:29.827
in me anymore.

01:11:31.078 --> 01:11:33.747
Like, I don't recognize myself.
It's so weird.

01:11:39.586 --> 01:11:41.755
[poignant piano music playing]

01:11:45.551 --> 01:11:46.927
-[car horn beeps]
-[whimpers]

01:11:47.011 --> 01:11:48.304
[door opens, shuts]

01:11:49.847 --> 01:11:50.931
[dogs barking]

01:11:51.015 --> 01:11:52.057
-Hi, Josh.
-Hi, sweetie.

01:11:52.141 --> 01:11:53.058
How was your flight?

01:11:53.142 --> 01:11:55.728
[Josh] There were more people
in that plane than in Strafford.

01:11:55.811 --> 01:11:57.688
[Noah] Brought his Gucci bags. [laughs]

01:11:57.771 --> 01:11:59.898
[Brenna] There's a German Shepherd on it.
It's perfect.

01:11:59.982 --> 01:12:01.734
[Noah] I'm so excited
for him to meet Junebug.

01:12:01.817 --> 01:12:04.361
-She's so cute.
-[Josh] She's a gorge… [chuckles]

01:12:05.070 --> 01:12:07.489
-Hello. Hello.
-[Noah high voice] Hi, Junebug!

01:12:07.573 --> 01:12:09.450
[Josh growling]

01:12:09.533 --> 01:12:11.201
[Noah laughing]

01:12:11.285 --> 01:12:12.703
[Josh] Wow, I know.

01:12:13.203 --> 01:12:17.624
This is, like, the office area,
where I do all my business meetings.

01:12:17.708 --> 01:12:19.793
-[Josh scoffs]
-And this is a golf simulator.

01:12:19.877 --> 01:12:22.004
This is where I hit golf balls and shit.

01:12:22.087 --> 01:12:23.255
[music fades]

01:12:25.758 --> 01:12:28.135
That's terrible. You wanna hit one?

01:12:29.094 --> 01:12:30.429
See where I got my sling from.

01:12:30.512 --> 01:12:32.097
-Sure.
-All right.

01:12:33.390 --> 01:12:36.226
-[laughing] That's actually not bad.
-[Penny whining]

01:12:37.019 --> 01:12:38.103
[Noah] Oh boy.

01:12:38.604 --> 01:12:41.398
This is… this is very different
than the first house I bought.

01:12:41.482 --> 01:12:43.233
Put it that way. [chuckles]

01:12:43.317 --> 01:12:44.735
-[Noah] Where, in Vermont?
-Yeah.

01:12:45.944 --> 01:12:47.988
[Noah] I read somewhere
that you might never have

01:12:48.072 --> 01:12:50.824
the conversation you wanna have
with your dad or your mom.

01:12:50.908 --> 01:12:54.912
So basically, when my…
when my dog lived at my dad's house,

01:12:54.995 --> 01:12:56.789
he'd get mad and be like,
"Your dog dug holes!"

01:12:56.872 --> 01:12:59.708
I was like, "No, she didn't dig holes.
She would never do that."

01:12:59.792 --> 01:13:01.168
And then we got to Nashville,

01:13:01.251 --> 01:13:03.712
and immediately I realized
he'd been right the entire time,

01:13:03.796 --> 01:13:05.297
and that she was digging tons of holes.

01:13:05.380 --> 01:13:08.592
-Say that first part again, I was right?
-Dad was right the whole time.

01:13:09.093 --> 01:13:11.011
You're always right in your own way.

01:13:11.637 --> 01:13:14.890
If I could fantasize and daydream
about one conversation with my dad,

01:13:15.682 --> 01:13:19.394
it's where I can apologize
for how selfish,

01:13:19.478 --> 01:13:21.688
and short-tempered,

01:13:21.772 --> 01:13:25.609
and… judgmental I've been of him.

01:13:26.944 --> 01:13:30.656
So, y'know, just go back and forth,
back and forth up and down the whole lawn.

01:13:30.739 --> 01:13:33.325
That would be a huge…
a huge benefit for your lawn.

01:13:38.705 --> 01:13:39.832
[Noah] Shit sucks.

01:13:42.709 --> 01:13:45.462
Dad, this reminds me of my childhood
when I would ask if…

01:13:46.380 --> 01:13:47.464
you for help with something,

01:13:47.548 --> 01:13:50.175
and instead of showing me,
you'd just do it. [laughs] Let me help.

01:13:50.259 --> 01:13:53.887
It's like two negative whatever magnets,
or whatever-the-fuck science-y thing.

01:13:55.347 --> 01:13:59.268
Like, you just can't find the connection
because you're both so similar.

01:13:59.351 --> 01:14:00.936
I think we have similar form.

01:14:02.396 --> 01:14:03.856
-Let me give you a little tip.
-Okay.

01:14:04.523 --> 01:14:06.525
I think I've cast him in an unfair light.

01:14:09.111 --> 01:14:10.737
I'm way too hard on my dad.

01:14:15.367 --> 01:14:17.035
D'you wanna use the smaller guitar?

01:14:17.953 --> 01:14:20.372
-Here, I'll use the bigger guitar.
-Okay.

01:14:20.456 --> 01:14:22.249
-You're throwing me off my game, buddy.
-Sorry.

01:14:23.375 --> 01:14:26.837
So we played this song… remember,
we played at the old folks' home?

01:14:26.920 --> 01:14:28.881
-How old was I, Dad?
-You were eight or nine.

01:14:28.964 --> 01:14:29.840
[Noah] Eight or nine.

01:14:29.923 --> 01:14:31.967
Thank God they had
their hearing aids out that day.

01:14:32.050 --> 01:14:35.053
[laughs] This is the first song
my dad and I played together.

01:14:35.137 --> 01:14:37.723
All right, you wanna start?
So I'll start with the…

01:14:43.520 --> 01:14:44.396
Hang on.

01:14:45.147 --> 01:14:47.983
So I'll start the intro, then we'll go
in together with the guitar, okay?

01:14:56.116 --> 01:15:02.915
♪ It's not time to make a change
Just relax, take it easy ♪

01:15:02.998 --> 01:15:09.338
♪ You're still young, that's your fault
There's so much you have to know ♪

01:15:09.421 --> 01:15:15.719
♪ Find a girl, settle down
If you want you can marry ♪

01:15:15.802 --> 01:15:20.432
♪ Look at me, I am old but I'm happy ♪

01:15:21.767 --> 01:15:25.062
Here, why don't I play the guitar, lead,
and then fingerpick over it?

01:15:25.145 --> 01:15:26.772
[Josh] Yeah, I, I forgot that middle part.

01:15:26.855 --> 01:15:28.232
-Me bad.
-Let's try it again.

01:15:28.315 --> 01:15:29.775
-All right.
-[music restarts]

01:15:36.532 --> 01:15:42.329
♪ It's not time to make a change
Just sit down, take it slowly ♪

01:15:42.412 --> 01:15:48.752
♪ You're still young, that's your fault
There's so much you have to go through ♪

01:15:48.877 --> 01:15:52.923
♪ Find a girl, settle down, if you want… ♪

01:15:53.006 --> 01:15:54.841
Why don't we try one
where you just fingerpick…

01:15:54.925 --> 01:15:57.678
I'll strum and you fingerpick?
Do it from the beginning.

01:15:57.761 --> 01:16:00.764
-Okay. That might be dangerous.
-I think it's gonna sound good.

01:16:01.765 --> 01:16:02.808
-Wanna try it again?
-Yeah.

01:16:02.891 --> 01:16:04.142
We'll sing it at the same time.

01:16:05.269 --> 01:16:06.895
Okay, together.

01:16:09.439 --> 01:16:15.571
♪ It's not time to make a change
Just sit down, take it slowly ♪

01:16:15.654 --> 01:16:22.035
♪ You're still young, that's your fault
There's so much you have to go through ♪

01:16:22.119 --> 01:16:28.250
♪ Find a girl, settle down
If you want you can marry ♪

01:16:28.333 --> 01:16:32.879
♪ Look at me, I am old but I'm happy ♪

01:16:34.214 --> 01:16:40.679
♪ It's not time to make a change
Just relax, take it easy ♪

01:16:40.762 --> 01:16:47.144
♪ You're still young, that's your fault
There's so much you have to know ♪

01:16:47.227 --> 01:16:52.941
♪ Find a girl, settle down
If you want you can marry ♪

01:16:53.025 --> 01:16:57.654
♪ Look at me, I am old but I'm happy ♪

01:17:04.369 --> 01:17:05.287
[Noah] Nice.

01:17:06.413 --> 01:17:08.081
[chuckles]

01:17:08.165 --> 01:17:09.750
I'm sufficiently embarrassed.

01:17:09.833 --> 01:17:13.420
[laughs] You sounded great.
I miss being able to jam with you, Dad.

01:17:13.503 --> 01:17:16.465
We always… we used to jam all the time.
We don't do it as much anymore.

01:17:19.009 --> 01:17:22.304
Y'know, every… every parent wants to be
a shameless, bragging parent,

01:17:22.387 --> 01:17:25.766
but I'm just so happy
for, for what Noah's done.

01:17:25.849 --> 01:17:27.142
I'm, I'm…

01:17:31.647 --> 01:17:33.065
[softly] I don't wanna say anymore.

01:17:34.691 --> 01:17:36.485
I love you, Dad, and I missed you a lot.

01:17:38.487 --> 01:17:41.114
-Now I'm embarrassed.
-[laughs] Don't be embarrassed.

01:17:42.824 --> 01:17:44.618
-Wanna go get some lunch or something?
-Sure.

01:17:46.745 --> 01:17:48.747
[ambient music playing]

01:18:04.137 --> 01:18:06.431
[Josh] What I'm most proud about is, um,

01:18:07.599 --> 01:18:09.935
his focus on helping mental health.

01:18:10.519 --> 01:18:11.895
It's a big deal.

01:18:13.897 --> 01:18:18.360
So the fact that he's chosen that
as his, kind of, passion

01:18:18.443 --> 01:18:21.071
to help, I think, it…
it means a lot to me.

01:18:36.336 --> 01:18:39.965
This is the mirror in my dad's house
that I would look into all the time.

01:18:40.048 --> 01:18:43.510
I would laugh at myself in this mirror
all the time when I was starting out.

01:18:43.593 --> 01:18:45.595
Like, "What are you fuckin' doing?"
Y'know.

01:18:47.097 --> 01:18:51.226
A lot of days where I wondered
if I'd ever like the way I looked.

01:18:53.478 --> 01:18:56.106
I think people think because I'm able
to describe something painful

01:18:56.189 --> 01:18:58.400
that I'm able
to get through something painful.

01:18:58.483 --> 01:19:00.902
They hear something real,
and they think that

01:19:01.403 --> 01:19:04.364
because you know how to say what's real,
you know how to solve that pain.

01:19:04.448 --> 01:19:05.282
And I don't.

01:19:05.365 --> 01:19:07.117
I never have. I can't solve it myself.

01:19:07.200 --> 01:19:10.537
I can't imagine trying to solve it
for the hundreds of thousands of people

01:19:10.620 --> 01:19:13.373
that listen to my music
or go to my shows, y'know.

01:19:13.874 --> 01:19:16.543
I think one thing, like, I've learned
that's really important to me,

01:19:16.626 --> 01:19:20.505
throughout all of this,
is, like, there is no… happy ending

01:19:20.589 --> 01:19:22.382
or, like, full-circled moment,

01:19:22.466 --> 01:19:26.553
or, like, there isn't one event
in your life that fixes everything.

01:19:26.636 --> 01:19:28.972
It's waking up every day and trying.

01:19:31.141 --> 01:19:34.561
But I think with, like, body dysmorphia,
body image, whatever I have,

01:19:35.437 --> 01:19:38.690
um, like, I'm not curing it,

01:19:38.773 --> 01:19:41.276
but I'm definitely walking near it
and poking it with a stick

01:19:41.359 --> 01:19:42.903
and saying, "What are you?"

01:19:43.403 --> 01:19:46.865
And, uh, telling it to come out
of the dark and show itself.

01:19:47.574 --> 01:19:50.327
Feels nice.
It feels like progress, which is cool.

01:19:50.410 --> 01:19:53.038
And it feels like a problem
I wanna solve now

01:19:53.121 --> 01:19:56.082
instead of dying
and passing it down to my kids.

01:19:57.083 --> 01:19:58.585
[lively guitar music playing]

01:20:07.177 --> 01:20:09.304
I miss feeling like Vermont is my home.

01:20:11.556 --> 01:20:13.517
I felt like I belonged there.

01:20:15.060 --> 01:20:18.522
I feel like
I was more imaginative at home.

01:20:19.940 --> 01:20:21.900
I miss that part of it a lot.

01:20:29.699 --> 01:20:30.742
Hey, Tuck?

01:20:31.743 --> 01:20:33.370
-[Tuck] Hey!
-[chuckles]

01:20:33.453 --> 01:20:34.496
-[Noah] Good to see ya!
-Hi!

01:20:34.579 --> 01:20:38.124
[Noah] How are you, man?
How about the vibes down here? Unreal.

01:20:38.208 --> 01:20:39.835
Are you guys still doing vocals, and…

01:20:39.918 --> 01:20:40.794
-Yep.
-Nice.

01:20:40.877 --> 01:20:44.047
[Tuck] The vocal booth.
Same microphone as you, man.

01:20:44.130 --> 01:20:46.299
-[Noah] There you go.
-But many, many kids later.

01:20:46.383 --> 01:20:47.259
[Noah] Very nice.

01:20:47.342 --> 01:20:51.555
And this one, all ripped and ragged,

01:20:51.638 --> 01:20:54.140
this is Noah Kahan's old band folder.

01:20:54.724 --> 01:20:55.559
Oh my God.

01:20:55.642 --> 01:21:01.314
And the name of the band originally was
the Bloodthirsty Indian Corn-Eating

01:21:01.398 --> 01:21:05.402
Giant Swedish Man-Elves
of Dark Love on Fire,

01:21:05.485 --> 01:21:08.530
exclamation, exclamation, money sign.

01:21:08.613 --> 01:21:10.907
The money sign's really important
to the ethos of our group,

01:21:10.991 --> 01:21:14.160
so don't ever forget that. [laughs]

01:21:14.244 --> 01:21:17.455
Um, I didn't bring a guitar or anything.
I was hoping I could play one of yours.

01:21:17.539 --> 01:21:19.708
-[Tuck] Yeah. We got it here.
-[mumbles indistinctly]

01:21:24.254 --> 01:21:30.093
This is Tuck's Rock Dojo, uh,
where I played in one of Tuck's many bands

01:21:30.176 --> 01:21:31.386
when I was a kid.

01:21:32.304 --> 01:21:36.016
I'm just back in a space that I love
and haven't been in a long time,

01:21:36.933 --> 01:21:38.226
and just making music.

01:21:46.276 --> 01:21:48.570
[vocalizing softly]

01:21:50.196 --> 01:21:51.531
[Tuck] Coming back to Vermont,

01:21:51.615 --> 01:21:55.118
I would imagine that Noah's here
to reconnect with his past

01:21:55.201 --> 01:22:00.332
after, um, all the crazy, uh,
adventures that he's been on.

01:22:00.415 --> 01:22:03.418
It's good to kinda come back
to the little place.

01:22:03.501 --> 01:22:05.128
♪ And I just keep bleeding ♪

01:22:17.015 --> 01:22:21.394
He walked through the door, and I think
that we had probably two minutes

01:22:21.478 --> 01:22:23.897
before a song was floating into him.

01:22:23.980 --> 01:22:25.982
[vocalizing]

01:22:32.530 --> 01:22:34.324
[electronic music playing]

01:22:35.659 --> 01:22:38.411
-[Noah] Hey, let's go.
-Penny and June, let's go!

01:22:38.954 --> 01:22:40.872
[high voice] Good girl, June!

01:22:40.956 --> 01:22:46.294
A lot of people who live in Strafford,
uh, in the past, had never left Strafford.

01:22:46.378 --> 01:22:50.382
It's just kinda like
a magnetism back to Strafford.

01:22:52.425 --> 01:22:57.681
I love Strafford.
Uh, if I could, I would live here forever.

01:22:59.849 --> 01:23:02.727
Betty, do you like it here?
Do you wanna live here forever?

01:23:03.603 --> 01:23:04.437
[Betty] No.

01:23:05.480 --> 01:23:11.444
We decided that we are
finally going to look for property, um,

01:23:11.945 --> 01:23:16.116
in the Upper Valley, which is like this
collection of towns that we're both from.

01:23:17.492 --> 01:23:22.247
[Noah] We're trying to make an imminent
move back, uh, to where we're from.

01:23:22.914 --> 01:23:25.959
Looking at our next… our next place
and coming back home, basically.

01:23:27.335 --> 01:23:28.753
[Brenna] I love coming back here.

01:23:28.837 --> 01:23:34.134
I'm, like, flooded with, like,
all the memories of… of my childhood.

01:23:34.217 --> 01:23:36.886
[Noah] We've tried to live in different
places, and Nashville's great,

01:23:36.970 --> 01:23:40.223
but being up here, it's like I don't have
to think about music all the time.

01:23:40.306 --> 01:23:42.892
I don't have to be confronted
with my career all the time.

01:23:43.393 --> 01:23:46.938
Around here, people aren't like,
"How are your streaming numbers?" Y'know?

01:23:47.022 --> 01:23:48.398
They're like, "How are your folks?"

01:23:48.481 --> 01:23:50.692
And those kinds of things feel,
like, more real.

01:23:52.610 --> 01:23:57.115
I don't know if any place
can solve all my issues.

01:23:57.198 --> 01:23:58.783
Maybe it won't be the solution,

01:23:58.867 --> 01:24:01.661
maybe I'll still be anxious
and whatever, depressed.

01:24:01.745 --> 01:24:03.663
But, um, at least
I'll be anxious and depressed

01:24:03.747 --> 01:24:05.957
in a place that's actually
anxious and depressing looking.

01:24:06.041 --> 01:24:06.958
[both chuckle]

01:24:14.883 --> 01:24:18.178
You should see the rental car I have.
It's completely covered in mud.

01:24:18.261 --> 01:24:19.095
Did you see that?

01:24:19.179 --> 01:24:22.265
I requested a Suburban or a bigger car
'cause I knew we were gonna be…

01:24:22.348 --> 01:24:25.018
I'd just been to Joshua Tree
and got a pickup truck.

01:24:25.101 --> 01:24:26.728
-Like, a big truck.
-[Lauri] No way!

01:24:26.811 --> 01:24:29.189
And I could not park it.
And it was so embarrassing.

01:24:29.272 --> 01:24:31.274
So I'm like, "Fuck that."
So I just gotta big…

01:24:31.357 --> 01:24:33.151
Noah's like, "I'd like a Kia, please."

01:24:33.234 --> 01:24:35.737
I was cosplaying as, like,
somebody that could drive a truck.

01:24:36.988 --> 01:24:38.740
-Richard, you ready, buddy?
-Yeah, I'm ready.

01:24:38.823 --> 01:24:40.867
[Noah] All right. It's in the computer.

01:24:41.618 --> 01:24:43.369
Weird. Hold on a second.

01:24:43.453 --> 01:24:45.121
-Attentive eyes.
-All right.

01:24:45.622 --> 01:24:47.248
[young Josh] The lovely wife, Lauri.

01:24:47.332 --> 01:24:49.542
-Oh, hi.
-[woman] Do not take pictures.

01:24:49.626 --> 01:24:51.836
[Josh] You would never know
she had 14 kids.

01:24:54.714 --> 01:24:56.090
That's classic Dad.

01:24:56.174 --> 01:24:59.344
You should really watch and decide maybe
you shouldn't have kids, or at least…

01:24:59.427 --> 01:25:00.386
[little Noah shrieking]

01:25:02.055 --> 01:25:03.681
[Lauri] I love you very much.

01:25:04.808 --> 01:25:07.268
That is so good. How old were you?

01:25:08.311 --> 01:25:13.066
Probably… oh,
if it's Simon's first birthday, I was 35.

01:25:13.149 --> 01:25:13.983
Oh my God!

01:25:14.067 --> 01:25:16.861
[Richard] Was that a normal amount of kids
to have at that age back then?

01:25:16.945 --> 01:25:20.240
-Back in the… when everybody looked and…
-[Noah] In the olden days? [laughs]

01:25:20.323 --> 01:25:22.826
Yeah, cos we just kept having kids
'cause we knew some would die.

01:25:22.909 --> 01:25:27.455
How did the Dust Bowl affect my childhood?
You were on some, like, colonial shit.

01:25:29.082 --> 01:25:34.003
[young Sasha] Presenting the amazing
Noah Dinosaur!

01:25:34.087 --> 01:25:36.339
-[young Lauri] Showtime!
-[screeches]

01:25:38.174 --> 01:25:40.385
-[young Sasha] I'm gonna say a few words.
-[screeches]

01:25:40.468 --> 01:25:42.887
[Sasha] It is. Do it.

01:25:42.971 --> 01:25:44.472
[young Lauri] Take a bow, Noey.

01:25:44.973 --> 01:25:46.724
And a bow, like this.

01:25:46.808 --> 01:25:47.725
Fabulous.

01:25:47.809 --> 01:25:50.270
Oh, beautiful!

01:25:51.271 --> 01:25:56.067
-[young Josh] What's your name, please?
-Oh, I really wanna be a fire truck man.

01:25:56.151 --> 01:25:57.402
-[Josh] A fire truck man?
-Yeah.

01:25:57.485 --> 01:26:00.238
-[Josh] What's your name again?
-Noah Berkenkamp Kahan.

01:26:05.702 --> 01:26:07.537
[Josh] And what's your name, missus?

01:26:07.620 --> 01:26:09.164
I'm Lauri Lee Berkenkamp Kahan.

01:26:09.247 --> 01:26:10.999
[Josh] What do you wanna be
when you grow up?

01:26:11.541 --> 01:26:14.460
I wanna be married to that handsome
Josh Kahan. And be a famous writer.

01:26:14.544 --> 01:26:16.337
-[Noah] Aw!
-This breaks my heart.

01:26:16.421 --> 01:26:18.840
-[Richard] I know.
-[Josh] When you gonna marry the guy?

01:26:18.923 --> 01:26:20.925
[Lauri] Look at Daddy. He's so young.

01:26:21.426 --> 01:26:24.304
[Noah] Wow, that's insane
to look at dad like that.

01:26:24.387 --> 01:26:26.931
-It is crazy.
-[Noah] That's tripped me the fuck out.

01:26:27.015 --> 01:26:28.016
Oh, man.

01:26:28.099 --> 01:26:29.767
[children shrieking on computer]

01:26:29.851 --> 01:26:32.729
[Josh] Noey, can you wish Sash
a happy birthday?

01:26:32.812 --> 01:26:35.440
Yes! Happy birthday, Sash!

01:26:35.523 --> 01:26:37.442
[overlapping dialogue]

01:26:37.525 --> 01:26:39.027
[Noah] I would watch hours of that.

01:26:39.110 --> 01:26:40.111
I know. I love that.

01:26:40.195 --> 01:26:42.822
-I miss seeing everyone like that.
-You kids were so incredibly cute.

01:26:42.906 --> 01:26:44.073
That was so cute.

01:26:44.157 --> 01:26:47.035
[producer] Does it ever feel weird
to have your family's dirty laundry

01:26:47.118 --> 01:26:48.745
included in Noah's music?

01:26:49.787 --> 01:26:51.372
Um, well…

01:26:53.082 --> 01:26:55.919
y'know, I guess a little bit,
but not really. I don't know.

01:26:56.002 --> 01:26:57.503
Like, I… I think…

01:26:59.172 --> 01:27:00.548
I think it just is there.

01:27:00.632 --> 01:27:02.967
And Noah makes…

01:27:03.468 --> 01:27:07.639
Noah makes our family's dirty laundry
just seem like being human.

01:27:08.139 --> 01:27:12.518
I think that's what resonates with people,
because everybody has their dirty laundry

01:27:13.019 --> 01:27:16.397
and no family is perfect,
and, as you can tell, ours is clearly not.

01:27:16.481 --> 01:27:20.693
But I love that, and I think that's
what people really feel about it too.

01:27:20.777 --> 01:27:21.819
Thanks, Mommy.

01:27:21.903 --> 01:27:27.951
I think everyone deserves to be… told
that the dirty laundry is gonna be aired.

01:27:28.034 --> 01:27:31.996
And I should have told you guys
that I was airing some dirty laundry.

01:27:32.080 --> 01:27:34.082
But, like you said,
I think it has humanized us

01:27:34.916 --> 01:27:37.585
and made it all feel, like, more normal.

01:27:38.086 --> 01:27:41.089
I still could've done a better job
to make sure everyone was cool with it.

01:27:41.172 --> 01:27:44.634
-No, you were absolutely fine. Not at all.
-Okay. That makes me feel better.

01:27:44.717 --> 01:27:48.054
-It's good to know you're not mad at me.
-I'm not mad at you about it. I love it.

01:27:48.137 --> 01:27:52.225
I love… I listen to your album
all the time. I'm a ridiculous fan.

01:27:52.725 --> 01:27:54.227
-I love you.
-Can I have your autograph?

01:27:57.480 --> 01:27:58.898
[music fades]

01:28:00.108 --> 01:28:02.110
[guitar twanging]

01:28:04.529 --> 01:28:06.072
[vocalizing]

01:28:08.700 --> 01:28:12.078
I wanna be perfect,
and, like, I'm not going to be.

01:28:13.496 --> 01:28:16.457
But I haven't taken
that first step into imperfection yet.

01:28:17.709 --> 01:28:20.712
I think the thing I need to do is jump off
the fuckin' diving board, dude.

01:28:21.212 --> 01:28:22.630
That's how I feel right now.

01:28:22.714 --> 01:28:24.757
[melodic guitar music playing]

01:28:39.814 --> 01:28:43.860
♪ I grew up pretending
Sticks were little guns ♪

01:28:45.737 --> 01:28:49.741
♪ I would point 'em at my dad
And he'd get mad ♪

01:28:49.824 --> 01:28:52.076
♪ 'Cause God forbid I'd hurt someone ♪

01:28:52.160 --> 01:28:53.494
Hey, Penny!

01:28:54.829 --> 01:28:56.706
And then I'll write
some bridge eventually.

01:28:57.457 --> 01:28:58.875
-Hi, sweetie!
-[Gabe] Hi, guys!

01:28:59.542 --> 01:29:02.253
Brenna and I have been really good.
I've been enjoying living here

01:29:02.337 --> 01:29:06.049
and forgot how special it was to be
sleeping in the same bed every night.

01:29:08.217 --> 01:29:09.552
Yeah, that's good.

01:29:09.635 --> 01:29:13.389
I know that I'm most happy when I'm home
and when I'm making music.

01:29:13.890 --> 01:29:14.891
Nice.

01:29:15.808 --> 01:29:18.478
[vocalizing] I love that, dude.

01:29:18.978 --> 01:29:21.481
All right, do we have a click,
or a tempo, or anything like that?

01:29:21.564 --> 01:29:23.483
-[Gabe] I think so.
-Yeah, feels fun.

01:29:23.566 --> 01:29:26.402
We have to… we have to earn that fun.
You don't just get to have fun.

01:29:26.486 --> 01:29:28.279
-[man] We've earned it.
-[Noah] Around here?

01:29:28.362 --> 01:29:30.365
-[man] Around here, we earn it.
-[Noah] We earn fun.

01:29:30.448 --> 01:29:32.658
♪ I'm the trouble ahead ♪

01:29:33.785 --> 01:29:35.828
♪ I used to scream in my sleep ♪

01:29:36.329 --> 01:29:41.250
♪ Put my money on red
I'm a sure bet at a losing streak ♪

01:29:42.627 --> 01:29:44.754
♪ Keep on showing you doors ♪

01:29:45.546 --> 01:29:47.298
♪ That you can't open up ♪

01:29:48.466 --> 01:29:52.887
♪ It gets harder to see me
The closer you try to look ♪

01:29:53.388 --> 01:29:57.809
♪ How does it feel, baby
To be the one who decided to knock? ♪

01:29:57.892 --> 01:29:59.060
♪ You knock ♪

01:30:02.188 --> 01:30:05.942
♪ Have you ever stared
Directly at the sun? ♪

01:30:07.568 --> 01:30:12.115
♪ Have you ever shared some closeness
So exposed ♪

01:30:12.198 --> 01:30:14.784
♪ To have it spit back by someone? ♪

01:30:14.867 --> 01:30:17.703
♪ So forgive me if I jump ♪

01:30:19.789 --> 01:30:23.584
♪ Ever had to look for your keys
"Oh, are you leavin'?" ♪

01:30:23.668 --> 01:30:25.920
♪ No, babe, I'm just wakin' up ♪

01:30:27.171 --> 01:30:28.256
♪ Now what? ♪

01:30:30.007 --> 01:30:32.427
♪ How much staring at the ceiling ♪

01:30:32.510 --> 01:30:36.347
♪ Is the reason
You should pack all your shit up? ♪

01:30:36.431 --> 01:30:37.849
[music intensifies]

01:30:47.358 --> 01:30:49.819
♪ How does it feel, babe
That you're the one? ♪

01:30:50.445 --> 01:30:53.030
♪ How does it feel, babe
That you're the one? ♪

01:30:53.114 --> 01:30:56.742
♪ How does it feel, babe
That you're the one? ♪

01:30:59.287 --> 01:31:00.997
♪ You're the one ♪

01:31:01.080 --> 01:31:02.915
-[music fades]
-[crowd screaming]

01:31:03.666 --> 01:31:05.918
[whimsical guitar music playing]

01:31:28.524 --> 01:31:32.862
♪ I'm the tall glass of water
You lost in your kitchen ♪

01:31:32.945 --> 01:31:37.200
♪ I'm casually cruel
Like a senior prediction ♪

01:31:37.283 --> 01:31:41.871
♪ Most likely to leave
At the sign of a fork in the road ♪

01:31:45.249 --> 01:31:49.462
♪ You looked just like your father
As the news was delivered ♪

01:31:49.545 --> 01:31:53.341
♪ Cut a hole in my heart
That bled into my liver ♪

01:31:53.424 --> 01:31:58.221
♪ I miss being alone
When it didn't mean being alone ♪

01:31:58.930 --> 01:31:59.805
[muffled] Whoo!

01:32:01.557 --> 01:32:06.229
♪ And if love was contagious
I might be immune to it ♪

01:32:06.312 --> 01:32:10.483
♪ Pain's like cold water
Your brain just gets used to it ♪

01:32:10.566 --> 01:32:15.821
♪ Try to keep swimming
Keep Dad's good word in my mouth ♪

01:32:18.324 --> 01:32:22.662
♪ But they're fighting like dogs
In the town across the river ♪

01:32:22.745 --> 01:32:26.832
♪ Over a brand-new crosswalk
That won't matter come winter ♪

01:32:26.916 --> 01:32:31.879
♪ Lord, sometimes folks just need
Something to be angry about ♪

01:32:34.090 --> 01:32:36.133
♪ What you angry about? ♪

01:32:39.345 --> 01:32:42.682
♪ I ain't bitter 'bout much these days ♪

01:32:42.765 --> 01:32:45.851
♪ In some ways, I'm lucky to be here ♪

01:32:45.935 --> 01:32:47.853
[crowd cheering]

01:32:47.937 --> 01:32:51.691
♪ Where the miners stayed
In them good old days ♪

01:32:51.774 --> 01:32:54.485
♪ Yes, real men used to sleep here ♪

01:32:55.611 --> 01:32:59.991
♪ All those roadside graves
Where my friends still lay ♪

01:33:00.074 --> 01:33:02.952
♪ I walk by just to weep here ♪

01:33:04.412 --> 01:33:08.624
♪ They say killin' time ain't a homicide ♪

01:33:08.708 --> 01:33:11.294
♪ But a prayer for a leap year ♪

01:33:11.377 --> 01:33:13.838
[young Lauri] Noah? Love you.

01:33:15.590 --> 01:33:17.425
[stream water trickling]

01:33:23.556 --> 01:33:24.932
[leaves crunching]

01:33:39.572 --> 01:33:40.990
[sound fades]
ing]