WEBVTT

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[Gastón] And welcome back

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to another episode of
Should I Spill the Tea?

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We're coming at you live from Bariloche,

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outside the luxurious Hotel Luxury,

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where the wedding of the year
is about to take place.

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Caro Pardíaco, influencer extraordinaire,

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is tying the knot for her 30th birthday

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to the mysterious Leo Papandrea,

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a supposed filmmaker that she introduced
to the public just a few weeks ago.

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Well, Gastón, our team's
been camped out all morning long.

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CARO PARDÍACO IS GETTING MARRIED

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And yet there's been no sign of the event.
No displays, no fanfare,

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no people, nothing.

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So what you're saying is that

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despite the fact that today
is her very publicized wedday,

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Caro Pardíaco is nowhere to be seen.

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I guess this is the next big thing.

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Throwing yourself a party
and not showing up.

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Anyways…

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CARIZZMA

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We are gathered here today
with Leo Miriam Papandrea

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and Caro Pardíaco,

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and their union, under one name,

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which is Leoro Papardíaco.

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[dramatic whoosh]

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[chuckles]

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That's a dumb joke I always make
to break the ice.

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-My dear Caro.
-[monks chanting]

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From this day forward,
you surrender your last name,

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your nights out, and your partying,

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and instead begin to embrace God
into your life.

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And Leo, your husband,

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is now your household god and deity.

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Now, before we continue,
I'd like to take a minute

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to remark
on this absolutely stunning view,

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with the mountains and aquamarine--

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-[chanting stops]
-Are you done yet?

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-I'm doing my job here. No rushing.
-On with it.

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[intriguing music playing]

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Fine.

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[clears throat]

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Anyone here that opposes
this holy matrimony,

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speak now or forever hold your--

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I object!

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-We also object to this marriage.
-We object to… That. What she said.

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-Anybody else opposed?
-Fuck yeah!

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Ana! What a surprise!
So, like, where were you?

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Leo tried pushing me out of paradise
and into the inferno,

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but I landed on a balcony in purgatory.

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I love it! So poetic.

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Ode to the symbolic architecture
of Dante's Palacio Barolo, where I fell.

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Oh, Mili works in that building!
The wedding planner!

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-[sighs]
-Okay, so tell me how you lived.

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Well, I was breastfed until I was 12,
so I'm all calcium.

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Stop talking about lactation.

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Fine. Then let's start talking
about your lies.

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Seriously, Ana, tell me how you got here.

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Oh, I'm getting there.

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Now, like I said,
my mom breastfed me till I was 12.

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So every morning, I--

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Ana, come on! Don't talk about that!
Tell us about the investigation.

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Okay.

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First, I went to see Ramiro,

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who gave me the keys
to Leo's studio in Chacalermo.

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[mysterious music playing]

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-[door closes]
-Question. Who's Ramiro?

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He's the hater.
I thought he was trying to kill you,

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'cause he was stalking you everywhere,

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and he wrote that scary message
outside the studio

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and tried giving you that creepy doll.

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But, in reality,
he was giving you a warning.

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What? Ramiro?

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I mean, what the hell?
I mean, just, uh… what the hell? Like…

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Okay, this is the third interruption.
Let me wrap this up before I forget.

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Your life is in danger,
and I'm trying to help you.

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Oh, okay, sorry. My lips are sealed, okay?

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It's super important that I'm not killed.

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Now, in Leo's studio,
there's a hidden lair.

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And in that lair,
there's a collection of costumes

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and disguises he used to manipulate you.

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[mumbles] That's messed up.

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[Ana] Remember Chill-aver?

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Yeah, she's the DJ who invited us
to the Hot Water Silent Rave

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and then mysteriously disappeared.

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[Caro yells] Ah!

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The head of DJ Chill-aver!

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[Ana] It's a mask.
And that was Leo in disguise.

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And he also paid those comedians
to publicly insult you.

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[laughing]

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[Ana] He was the fake inspector
who shut down your club,

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and worst of all, he's a serial murderer.

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What?

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You're the reason my club shut down?

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I think the important thing
is that he's also a serial murderer.

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He killed Licha, Betaniel,
and Quintín Palma.

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Why would you do that?

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Closing my club was, like,
super unnecessary, you know!

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Because of you, I was humiliated.

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And you ruined my life.

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How? I haven't done anything but love you.

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Back up a sec.

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Ana, who's Ramiro?
And why'd he have Leo's keys?

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Yeah, I'm kinda confused about that.

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Ramiro's last name is Papandrea.

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[both] Same as Leo's!

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-What a coincidence!
-It's no coincidence. They're brothers.

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Actually, they're the Snow Brothers.

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One does camerawork,
the other's an editor.

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[Lila] Snow Brothers?

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-Aren't you the guys who…
-…recorded our graduation trip?

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Yeah! You bastards never sent it!

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The reason I never sent it
is because you and your dumb friends

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completely humiliated me.

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They didn't humiliate you, you idiot!

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Are those bermudas? Like, slay!

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-Totally! Gag-ged!
-[Leo] Did you call me an "egghead"?

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Oh my God, no! I said I was "gag-ged."

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See?

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Did you hear that?

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She said I was an egghead!

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You humiliated me, you ruined my life,
and you destroyed my hair.

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[Ana] But she didn't say that.
Listen again.

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I said I was "gag-ged."
Totally! Gag-ged!

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Totally! Gag-ged!

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Totally! Gag-ged!

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Totally! Gag-ged!

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-Hey, hey, hey! What are you doing? Stop!
-[Caro] Totally! Gag-ged!

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-[Leo] Oh, my love, I'd never hurt you.
-"Totally! Gag-ged!"

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[bellowing] Ah!

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Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Misunderstanding.

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Forgive me, Caro.

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I wanted to take you from your loved ones,

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ruin your whole birthday,

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destroy your entire identity,

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bring you back here, and assassinate you.

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But I've fallen for you completely.

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And now that I've realized that,

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I wanna marry my soulmate.

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I love you.
Carolina, my love, will you marry me?

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-Okay!
-Really?

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-No, you fucking psychopath!
-[snarling]

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[all screaming]

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[growls]

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-Caro! Don't you dare!
-Let her go!

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-[spluttering]
-Be quiet!

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[man] Let her go, dumbass!

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-[gasps] Dumbass, that was you?
-I kept trying to tell you.

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She said, "Totally! Gag-ged!"

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[Caro grunting]

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[sinister music playing]

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Back off!

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Hey! Where's our grad trip video?
We wanted that!

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[Leo grunts angrily]

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[Lila] Hands off!

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[Caro whimpering]

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Let go of her, baldy!

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You dumbass! You sold me out, huh?

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Guess I'm gonna tell poor Ma
all about Tatín!

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Okay, enough with the "Tatín" thing!
He didn't even touch him!

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-Bullshit!
-Quiet, dumbass.

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[yells] Dah!

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[groans] Why did you spit on me? Come on!

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Just stop it already, all right, Leo?

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Stop calling me "Leo"! My name is Lean!

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You're going to prison, Lean!

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Prison? Prison, huh?

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I wonder if maybe "Leo" should go.

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The beach guy.

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He's sexy.

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[moaning sensually] So sexy.
Oh! Nick! Nick! Nick!

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Or maybe I'll be Cacho! Eh?

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But I'm buddies with the cops.
So I'll be in-and-out.

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Yeah, c'mon, you know police,
right, mamacita?

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Or Chill-aver.
You know, just jammin' with the prisoners.

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[imitates club music]

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Do you like that trap-tap-funk?

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Let's switch it up! Huh?
A bit of soft-trump-thumping-pop!

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Oh! But I'm a shapeshifter!

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This time it's Flavio! Flavio!

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Wait. I didn't do that one.

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The point is

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that all of you fell for the trickery of

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the great Lean Miriam Papandrea.

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[gasping]

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[sinister laughter]

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[wheezing, choking]

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[weapon clatters]

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[choking, gasping for air]

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-[bellowing] Oh!
-[Caro gasps]

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-[thudding]
-[screaming] Oh!

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[screaming continues]

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[lighthearted music playing]

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Oh, I'm so sorry, Sábado! I was an idiot!

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Come on, let's get out of here.

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-[upbeat pop music]
-[Caro] Whoo!

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[crowd cheering, whooping]

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[pop music continues]

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[cheering continues]

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[lyrics in Spanish]

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[woman shrieks]

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I love you so much, besties!

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This is incredible, babe!

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We love you so much, Caro.

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Caro, enjoy tonight. This is your life.

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Thanks, Ana. You saved my life.

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And I wanted to take a moment
to apologize.

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I should've been trusting you
more than I did,

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and I fired you without compensation.

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No big deal. [chuckles]

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[feedback ringing]

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Hello!

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[feedback rings]

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Hello! It's Caro Pardíaco.

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And I love my friends,
I love this club, I love this music,

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and I love my life!

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And the most important thing,
whether people take you seriously,

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or if they make fun of you,
or if they take your words out of context,

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what matters is…

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Agh, sorry, I'm getting emotional.

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Aww.

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What's important is
that you take time to appreciate and love

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the person that you are.

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And if I saw another Caro Pardíaco
come in and come over here,

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I'd tell her,

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"Caro, you look beautiful tonight."

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"You're beautiful. And whatever you do,
don't get involved with psychopaths!"

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[laughter]

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Thank you so much
for celebrating with me.

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[all whooping, cheering]

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That's my bestie!

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Whoo!

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[lyrics in Spanish continue]

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-[woman 1] Happy birthday!
-[woman 2] You're the best!

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[screams] Oh!

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[music fades]

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[menacing sounds fade in]

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[upbeat pop music resumes]

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-[snickering]
-[laughing]

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[Caro] Cherry soda, okay?

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-That's important.
-[Ana] Wait.

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Wait, no! The…

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[both laughing]

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[Ana] I'm getting out here.

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-I don't know.
-[woman] Sorry, it made me laugh.

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-That whole day. Music, partying…
-All this lore…

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Good night.

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[Caro] Tomorrow we'll be there!

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[Coqui] What an ass.

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-Kind of looks like DiCaprio, right?
-Yeah.

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The hair is really K-pop too.

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-The haircut.
-Yeah.

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[man 1] Come on, guys.

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It's all right.

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[woman] No, really strong.

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It happened to me.

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Faces like this…

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-All stalking me.
-Yeah?

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-[Caro] All Migues?
-[man 2] No, all Caros.

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My name's not Jero.
My mom calls me Jero when she's mad.

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You're like my mom. This is shit.

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I have a dream, Caro.

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Dude, what are you doing?

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All right,
let's continue with the Guillotine.

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[Caro] He also gave me love!

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You think so? [laughs]

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You're so old, aren't you? [laughing]

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If I ever had to touch her,

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it'd be with a stick. [laughs]

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Total Pokémon!

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Daddy gave that to you.

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[Leo] Caro.

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Are you calling yourself stupid?

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So you want
grapefruit juice and ice cream?

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The way he says it is impressive.

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Sorry.

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You're so pretty.

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Caro, trust yourself!
You're gonna be all right!

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[man] Does anyone else object?

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[Ana] I do, damn it!

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[quirky electronic music playing]

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[music fades]
onic music playing]