You had an accident. We cleaned you up.
Cancer, it's a godless disease, Mom.
It's not your fault.
Should we give her some space? That was really intense.
Morgan, I know that your generation
is terrified of anything that doesn't make you feel good,
but this is one of those full-circle life moments
that you need to be present for.
The woman changed my diapers. Now it's my turn to change hers.
These are acts of love.
It just felt like she didn't want us all standing around
watching her while it happ--
-It was an act of love. -Okay.
Do any of you know how much I'm carrying on my back
trying to scrape together an early birthday party for my dying mother
while launching a mayoral campaign?
What are you two bringing to the table? Have you even bought her a gift yet?
She just took a turn.
Well, that didn't stop Natalie.
Speaking of, I need one of you to pop by the store.
-I had Leanne set aside some decorations. -Oh, Mom, Mom, I can grab them.
Yeah, and it's looking like they are able to push the candidates' town hall a week.
Good news. Tell your brother and sister about the gift you got your nonna.
Uh, pasta bowls from the Amalfi trip Kevin and I took last summer.
She's on a feeding tube. What does she need bowls for?
What did you say?
-Mom? -What did you say?
-What? I didn't say… -Mom?
What do you want for your birthday from the kids?
I don't want a birthday!
What do you want for your birthday from Nicholas and Morgan?
-Who are they? -Oh my God.
That's a good question, Nonna.
Your father gave me a necklace…
In Acapulco that you lost on your honeymoon.
We know. Get your nonna a necklace.
It was a diamond necklace!
Nonna, I'm a public school teacher.
Okay, Morgan, the woman doesn't know who we are.
I don't think she cares if it's real diamonds.
Yeah, I know--
Just something cheap and nostalgic she can cherish during her final days.
Is that so much to ask? Nicky, help your sister with this, for once.
-For once? -All right, do a good deed, for me.
I'm stepping out.
Okay, fine. Thank you.
-Are you going? -Yeah.
Nobody expects you to be like Natalie.
She is an anomaly in this family.
Confident, ambitious. She doesn't have to work for that body.
But could the two of you for once set your differences aside
and make my mother's death easy on me?
-Stop screaming! -All right.
She needs a nap!
Because while you might reach that island and finally see those gardenias,
will it have been worth it in the end…
…if their sweet smell is corrupted by the smoke
billowing in from the bridge you burned to get there?
On that uplifting note, everybody,
I would like to remind you that this is a fire-free zone, okay?
Okay? We have a lot of hardwood flooring.
If you wanted to contribute to the food drive,
Rose would be happy to take your name.
Hi, Helen.
You organize your drawers like a serial killer.
Yeah, that's the intention. Hi.
-Fuck! -Reverend Nicholas!
Yeah. Rose?
Oh, we're just letting ourselves in now, huh?
We might need to chat about boundaries a little bit, Rose.
-The door wasn't locked. -Well, okay.
-Did I hear something, though? -No, I was just on the phone.
-Oh. The sponsorship team can do Friday. -Uh-huh.
Okay, great.
Well, that could have been an email, but thank you for letting me know,
and I'll see you tomorrow, okay?
-Okay. -Okay.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
Imagine you get invited to a game night,
and someone hides your crutches.
They're, like, throwing stuff, they're fighting.
It's amazing.
Okay.
Can you unlock the door, please?
Oh.
Okay.
Uh… You always, like, pull away from my touch.
-I pull away from your touch? -Yeah, you…
-I'm at work. -You pull away.
I know, but, like, you know physical intimacy is my love language.
-I express my inside thoughts to you. -Yeah, I know.
I think you're seeing your therapist too much.
He told me you'd say that.
Okay, I'm sorry I don't want to have sex with you
in a school parking lot.
I'm not trying-- You… you do this. You ruin these moments.
You, like, make it so… Whatever.
You… wreck things. It's whatever. It's stupid.
-Okay, can you just unlock the door? -Yes.
Thank you.
What is that? What is this?
What does it look like?
Yeah, Morgan, I wanted to do a nice thing
for the woman I love more than, like, my beating heart in my chest.
Are you proposing by throwing a ring at my back?
-What am I supposed to do with this? -I don't know, that's up to you.
It's up to you.
Whoa.
Okay.
It's very nice.
I know.
I don't need, like, a fucking flash mob, you know?
But I think I at least deserve something that resembles a proper proposal.
-You know? -Of course. Yeah. Heard.
-Um, I'll see you later? -Yeah.
-Okay. -All right, I love you.
I love you too.
Okay.
All right.
Bye, have fun at work.
-Thanks, bye. -Bye.
Don't be so reactive.
Did I tell you I'm being honored by Out and Loud next month
for the work that I do for them?
Raising money for queer people so that they can be "out and loud"?
Mm-hmm. You've mentioned that a few times.
And yet, I can't surprise my boyfriend
at work because according to his church, he can be gay but can't have a boyfriend.
They expect me to be nonpracticing, yeah.
I wanna practice with my nonpracticing boyfriend,
not be in my mid-thirties keeping our relationship a secret
from our friends and family.
You had one job last summer, and that was to fix my roof.
Okay.
And you got greedy, okay? And now look at us.
I couldn't help myself.
I got a thing for The Book of Mormon.
-Do ya? -Yeah.
-Well, I'm not Mormon, so… -I know, but you kinda dress like one.
Mm-hmm.
I told you, as soon as my mom's campaign is done,
I'm gonna find a new congregation.
And we can, you know…
-Shh. -…practice outwardly and loudly.
-I believe you, okay? -For as long as we'd like.
Okay, I'm gonna book that cruise this year, with or without you.
And I… I can't wait to go on that cruise with you.
-Yup. -I can't…
-I can't wait to get norovirus together. -That's the best part!
You didn't need to come with me.
Yeah, well, Mom thought you needed a babysitter at 30, so…
Yeah, well, she thought I needed one growing up too.
Where were you then, Reverend?
Probably praying for God's protection from your bad attitude
and all of those cigarettes.
I love cigarettes.
No, go ahead.
-Excuse me. -Sorry, sorry.
I'm gonna get a card.
Okay, I don't think she's gonna read a card, right?
It's a gesture. We're getting her a gift.
-I'm gonna get her a card. -Get her a card. Go crazy.
'Cause there's a spark in you
You just gotta ignite the light And let it shine
Just own the night Like the 4th of July
'Cause, baby, you're a firework…
-Hey, excuse me, I'm-- -That's display only.
Okay, yeah, I just wanted to try it on.
It's not for sale.
I know, you've made that really clear.
Um… Could you grab me one from the back?
No, because that's actually the last one.
Okay, good, then I wanna buy that one.
Can you fucking leave it alone?
It's not for you, okay?
Seriously? It's a cheap fucking necklace in a cheap fucking store.
-Yeah? -Who's it for if it's not for me?
-Then get the fuck out of here. -Okay.
Whoa, Morgan.
Can you just accept the fact that this isn't some hot New York boutique?
"A hot New York boutique"? What are you, addicted to humiliating yourself?
By the way, he wishes this was a hot New York boutique.
Get your wife under control, man.
-Ew. -She's not my wife.
I'm the pastor of Glenview Community Church.
And even if she was, we don't need to get hostile.
-"Even if I was"? -Oh, Morgan, please.
-You're a very rude woman. -You're a very rude woman.
Morgan, wait outside.
Thank you, I'm gonna get this card and two of those angel figurines.
-Which, this? -The… the blue ones.
And if you have a gift bag and some tissue paper--
Do you have any ribbon or anything to…
Just gonna put it inside of this.
Well, they're just gonna jinglejangle around in that bag.
Carry carefully then, man.
Oh.
-Okay? -Well, all right, they're gonna break.
I'm just saying, you're a slippery person--
I'm slippery because I'm going to a dinner?
-I don't think so. -She's gone.
Body's cold. You missed her last words.
Nicky, you weren't even here to say a prayer.
Some teenybopper from the hospital had to do it.
Read something right off of her phone.
Kept getting interrupted by text messages.
What were they?
What were what?
What were her last words?
I don't know. I couldn't hear. She was mumbling.
I kept telling her to enunciate. Something about her gloves are new.
Poor thing, she was so out of it by the end.
-She was saying, "I love you." -I do not think it was that.
Nevertheless,
your sister's been here since ten this morning documenting the day.
She thought that it was important content for the social platforms.
That feels exploitative.
Nevertheless, she died before her birthday party.
Okay. Well, then what are we supposed to do with this?
What the fuck did you do?
-I took care of it. -Oh, Morgan!
-I… It's not wrapped. -Oh my God.
It's a little something from me and Nicky.
-Oh, from the two of you. -Yeah.
Natalie, look at this.
It's gorg-- It's stunning.
-Nicholas… -Mm-hmm.
I think that it makes sense
that you be the one to put it on her.
-Put it on her? -And maybe say a few words.
She wants you to put the necklace on Nonna and say a few words.
Put the necklace on.
-It's done. Say something. -Okay. I don't… I don't know why.
Morgan? All right.
Please put the necklace on.
Natalie, just take this from me.
-And move. -Nicholas, put the necklace on.
-Sorry, I'm just… -No worries.
Morgan, help your brother. It's your gift too.
Yeah, Morgan, come on.
Okay.
-Help me. -Yeah.
Morgan, her head.
-Just lift her head. -What else would I lift?
-Just lift it… lift it up. -I've got it. I've got it.
-Morgan. -I got it. I got it.
-Are you lifting? -Oh, honey, honey. Just wait.
It's fine.
There we go. There we go. Okay.
-Okay. -Oh my God. Okay. I feel like…
-I need you to lift more. -Sorry, I'm losing it.
-Oh my God. -It's really heavy.
-Can you lift it up? -More?
Move forward a bit 'cause I can't get the clasp.
Why is it taking so long?
-Eternal rest grant unto her… -I can't hear you.
…perpetual light shine upon her.
May she rest in peace, amen.
Okay.
Oh, Natalie, did you want to get a pic for socials?
-Oh, Morgan! -Ha, ha.
-Morgan, fuck. You crazy? -Please, have some respect for the dead.
Nicky, you really sped through that.
Coming.
-Hey. -Hi. Uh, can I help you with something?
I'm here for a pickup.
I… I think you might have the wrong address.
No.
You said you were at the Glenview Church?
Uh… Yeah. Mm-hmm.
You came with your sister,
bought a card, two Elsa dolls from me?
I bought two angel figurines. They didn't look anything like Elsa.
And a tennis necklace?
I…
No, I… I don't… don't… I don't think I bought a tennis necklace.
I know you didn't buy the necklace.
I'm here to take it back.
I don't… I don't… I don't have it.
-Very nice house, huh? -Mm-hmm.
You must have a very…
supportive congregation.
Wouldn't want to lose their trust, would you, Father?
Well, I'm not Catholic, so I… I go by "Pastor."
I don't give a fuck what name you go by, you dumb-looking piece of shit.
You don't know what you've taken, okay?
-Okay. -You have no idea who you're dealing with.
Return it, or I'll make sure your God gets very upset with you, okay?
Okay.
-Yeah. -Yeah?
-Yep. -Good.
Get in the--
Get in the… fucking car!
No, 'cause his is Gosling with a G. He's not related to the eight kids.
-Fuck! -Oh, shit.
Honey, what is wrong? I am asking you, what is wrong?
I'm fine, I'm fine, I just got my finger. I told you we should have ordered food.
God forbid I honor my mother by making her cutlets on the day she died.
They're the best cutlets I've ever had, Mrs. M.
Where's your brother? I told him eight o'clock.
-I don't know. -Uh, Mrs. M.
I know that today's been really hard…
…but if it's okay with you, I would… love to grab you privately
at some point.
I have something I would really love to ask you.
Let's play it by ear, Max.
-Okay? Hmm? -Okay.
Let's play that one by ear.
Coming!
Come on.
Since when are we locking the door?
Since Susan Gopnik's garage got broken into a couple of weeks ago,
and all of her kids' bikes got taken.
-Where's your umbrella in this rain? -I don't have one.
I can't lose my son and my mother on the same day.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, today has not brought out the best in me.
I could admit that.
-How are you dealing with everything? -I'm not good. I'm not--
No, I just want a minute alone with my firstborn.
Technically, that would be Morgan.
We do not talk about adoption in this home.
I birthed you emotionally, which is just as painful.
You're freezing.
-Why are we standing out here? -You tell me.
We're making Nonna's veal cutlets.
They lived in Long Island.
Morgan, can I talk to you for a second?
No, no, there are no secrets in this house.
Anything you have to say, you can say in front of me and Max.
And half the women in this town. Ma-- Can I talk to Morgan, please?
It is an inclusive neighborhood Facebook group!
Okay. Morgan! I need five minutes.
I can't help who signs up or what they send.
-Okay, okay. -It's out of my control!
Just five minutes.
-How would I even begin to? -That's all I need. Morgan…
I mean, seriously.
Okay, first of all, what the fuck is wrong with you?
Excuse me?
I need you to get that necklace back right now.
What necklace?
The necklace you stole after I told you to just leave it alone.
Oh… You mean the necklace that's around our dead grandmother's neck at a morgue?
-Oh, Morgan. -Come on.
You didn't seem freaked out when you were taking credit for it
at the hospital.
Look out the window!
-Do you see that truck out there? -Yes. Yes!
Don't look like that. Hide yourself a little bit.
Okay, that man out there followed me here from my house.
-What? -The guy you pissed off in the store.
He knocked on my door and threatened my reputation
if I didn't get that necklace back, okay?
I… I don't know what to do.
So you thought it'd be a good idea to lead him here to Mom's house
where your entire family's having dinner?
-Well, I wasn't really thinking about-- -About the rest of your family?
-Oh, Morgan. -Did you just eat falafel?
You are such a bitch.
I'm sorry that your sexy life as an actress in Manhattan
didn't work out the way you want, but I am not getting my life ruined
because you have given up on yours.
-Fix this, Morgan. -It was a $79 necklace.
It felt really fucking heavy for a $79 necklace.
I held it in my hand, and it felt expensive.
I don't have time for this.
The Quick Post guy isn't gang-stalking you.
-Then go outside and talk to him then. -Seriously?
Yes!
Okay, fine. Fine!
-I will go talk to him, fine. -Go!
And you know what? If he wants $79,
I will Venmo him 79 fucking dollars.
-Great. -If that's what he needs.
Hello?
Can I help you with something?
What the fuck?
You're creeping out my family.
I don't know what you're doing here, but this is some kind of misunderstanding.
You deaf?
You need to go. I know you can hear me. Hi.
Hey, great.
And?
Um…
And yeah. Yeah.
So we just have to… get… get the… get the necklace back.
-I know. I know we do. -But we have… But we have to.
-We have to. -Okay. Yeah, I know.
That's it? That's all… that's all he said?
No-- Um, no, he didn't… he didn't…
-Morgan, spit it out. -He didn't say much of anything.
But you could've warned me about the fucking gun.
-What gun? -The gun! The gun!
The fucking gun I got pointed at my fucking face.
-Did you-- -What gun, Morgan?
Did you not get a gun?
No.
But I had a man come to my house in the middle of the night
and verbally threaten me.
-Oh, really?! -Which was also very scary.
Did he scare you? He came to your house, and he didn't point a gun at you?
-That's not the same thing. -You have to calm down.
-That was so fucked-up! -Shh! Shh!
-You'll have to calm down. -Oh, I have to calm down?
-You have to calm down. -I have to calm down?
How the fuck are we gonna get that necklace back?
I'm seeing Nonna tomorrow. I'm gonna have to take it off her neck.
-I'm gonna have to take it off… -Okay.
…a dead woman's neck.
-Okay? -Yeah, right.
-Is there any other plan? -No. I don't--
-Okay, so then… -Okay.
Anything you wanna say?
-What? -"Thanks, Nick"?
-Maybe "thank you for the offer"? -Really? That's where your head goes?
-It is. -Are you out of your mind?
-Are you? Are you out of your-- -Oh shit. That's next-level.
Am I interrupting something?
-I don't… Yeah, I mean… -Um…
-No. It's… What's… What's up? What's up? -Okay. Okay.
Well, I was just wondering if there was something that you wanted to say to me.
-I don't… -Mmm, I don't think… No.
-Morgan, what's happening? -Sure there's nothing you wanna say to me?
-Babe, I don't know what-- -Well, how about now?
Okay, yeah. Um…
Anything that you might wanna say to me?
Oh my fucking God.
-Anything you might wanna say? -Um…
-Morgan… -Yeah, yes.
-Oh my fucking God. -…Janice Dardano…
…will you make my life by saying yes?
Um… Mom, what about… what about Nonna?
-The timing is not, um… -Okay.
Oh no, hon, she would be relieved.
-Nicky, get the prosecco from the garage. -What?
From the garage, okay.
So it's a yes?
Yes. Oh my God.
-Okay. -Oh my God, it's happening.
We're getting engaged!
Why are you so wet?
Oh, forgive me.
Yeah?
Sorry to interrupt. Can I use the office printer for the programs?
-Sure. -The basement's out of ink.
Absolutely.
Thank you. And do you want those programs in black-and-white or color?
I… I don't know, Rose. Are the programs in black-and-white or color?
-Color. -Then we print in color.
Then we print in color.
Thank you, Rose.
Miss Morgan?
You look like a bad witch.
Thanks, Mackenzie.
Nicholas.
-Honey. Calm down. -What?!
I just got word your nonna's best friend, Dina, slipped at a Five Guys last night.
-What? -Broke her neck.
She'll be in the hospital for the rest of her life.
So you're gonna have to read her poem, okay?
And your father's here,
speaking of somebody who should've slipped at a Five Guys.
-Ma. -What?
If we don't have laughter in these moments, what do we have?
-He left Denise at home, which was decent. -Ah.
Okay.
-Good to roll, Mrs. M? -Yep.
Uh…
-Let's do it. -Can we stop?
Can we just, um…
Can we stop it for a second? Can we just stop? Can we stop?
Can we stop?! Just stop! Stop!
I haven't said a prayer. I need to say a prayer for the woman.
Okay? Can I--
I just need to be alone with…
-Honey. -With her for a moment, please.
She's late to her own funeral.
You can bless her later.
Okay? Move.
What in the world?
Fuck!
Good afternoon, everyone, and welcome.
Uh… I wish we were gathering here under happier circumstances.
But, um…
but it often is in these times
that the Lord, um,
shows us the true cap-- capacity that we as human beings have
to… to process and to live through pain.
-Both emotional and, um… -Mmm.
…and physical.
Sometimes it's easy to forget that death…
…could be just around the… co-- corner
for any of us.
Um… Just look at Dina Caputo, who just last night slipped in a Five Guys
and is now in a coma,
no longer able to read her poem here today.
Thoughts and prayers are with Dina and her family
at this time.
You know, Nonna was, uh, a special woman.
I use the word "special" because I know she pissed a lot of you off.
But she never lied
or forced any of her family members to lie for her.
How did you not get the--
Don't you fucking dare.
I'm gonna head home and let the dogs out. Denise is in Tampa.
I'll see you back at the house.
-Your grandmother was a great woman. -Yes, she was.
-Oh, yeah. -She was so proud of your mom.
All right, we're good, Michael. Thank you for that. Go home.
Let her poodles out. Don't want them shitting on your carpet.
Yep. All right. I'll see you in an hour. Hey, congrats again on the ring, honey.
Thanks, Dad.
Did you congratulate your sister?
On Max proposing to her the day Nonna died? Um…
No, not yet.
Congrats, Morgan. I'm… I'm just-- It's beyond words.
-I'm thrilled. -Max is helping me out.
I've got him picking up Baileys for your Aunt Joanie.
But we really should get back to the house. People will be arriving.
I don't trust what those caterers consider hot food.
Sorry for your loss.
Oh, thank you so much. Have we met?
My condolences.
Oh.
It's a friend of Morgan's.
-Uh-huh. It's my friend. -Ah.
That tracks.
All right. Honey, we should really go. Kids, we'll see you back at the house.
Okay.
Okay, see you.
-Let's take a walk. -Oh…
I have some papers to sign, so--
-Walk. -Oh, okay.
Okay.
-We don't need to push. -I know how to walk.
Come on. Okay, give me the necklace.
Where is it?
Huh?
We don't have it.
-What do you mean, you don't have it? -I-- We don't have it.
What the fuck you mean? Where is it?!
I don't know how else we can say it. We don't have it.
What the fuck you mean you don't have it?
-Where the fuck is it? -I--
Okay, okay.
Can you calm down? Because I don't think talking to us like this is helping.
What are you, some kind of crisis manager now?
-Whose side are you on? -Not yours.
What am I gonna do now?
Fucking fuck.
You have no idea what the fuck you've done. Huh?
-Get in the fucking truck. -There has to be some…
What if I said I wasn't comfortable doing that?
-Get in the truck. Get in the truck. -No.
-He has a gun. Get in the fucking truck. -This is fully giving kidnap homicide.
It's "giving"? Those are your last words? Is it giving kidnap homicide?
-Get in the fucking truck! -Oh my God!
Ow! in the fucking truck! -Oh my God!