WEBVTT 00:18.643 --> 00:20.270 -First team's walking. -Copy that. 00:20.353 --> 00:21.229 Tom, hey. 00:21.312 --> 00:22.313 -Hey. -How you doing? 00:22.397 --> 00:23.648 -Good. -Find the place okay? 00:23.732 --> 00:25.734 Yeah, I mean, it's kind of a maze, but yeah. 00:25.817 --> 00:27.193 Yeah, they don't make it easy. 00:27.277 --> 00:29.738 -Such a big fan of your work. -Oh, thanks, man. 00:29.821 --> 00:30.989 You still do stand-up? 00:31.072 --> 00:32.449 -Yeah. -Really? 00:32.532 --> 00:33.616 Tom! 00:34.242 --> 00:37.287 -Hey. Hi. -There he is. 00:37.370 --> 00:39.789 -Oh, come here. It's so good to see you. -Oh! All right. 00:39.873 --> 00:41.499 You feeling all right? Ready to go? 00:41.583 --> 00:43.543 -Yeah, I think so. Yeah. -Okay. 00:43.626 --> 00:46.004 I am so sorry about the last-minute schedule changes. 00:46.087 --> 00:48.173 I know it's a lot to start with the sex scene. 00:48.256 --> 00:50.592 They're always a little weird, but you've done it before, so… 00:50.675 --> 00:53.928 I haven't. This is, uh, this is my first one. 00:54.012 --> 00:54.929 -Really? -Yeah. 00:55.013 --> 00:56.765 -Tom. -This is Celeste. 00:56.848 --> 01:00.018 -Oh, wow. So nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you too. 01:00.101 --> 01:02.645 -This is Tom's first ever sex scene. -Oh! 01:02.729 --> 01:04.189 -Barbara just landed. -Oh, fantastic. 01:04.272 --> 01:05.523 Well, you know, 01:05.607 --> 01:08.068 you don't have to do anything that you're not comfortable with. 01:08.151 --> 01:09.402 Oh, I'm down for anything. 01:09.486 --> 01:11.654 I just wanna make sure that you're comfortable. 01:11.738 --> 01:12.906 Uh, excuse me. 01:12.989 --> 01:16.701 Everybody, if I could have your attention before we get started on rehearsal. 01:16.785 --> 01:19.913 I'd like to introduce our intimacy coordinator, Barbara. 01:24.667 --> 01:27.378 Who's ready to bring this picture to life? 01:29.964 --> 01:31.257 Tom, this is Barbara. 01:31.341 --> 01:34.552 She's here to make sure that everybody feels safe and comfortable. 01:34.636 --> 01:37.013 -Ready for first scene. -Rehearsal's up. 01:37.097 --> 01:38.681 Everyone, rehearsal's up. 01:38.765 --> 01:41.518 I just wanted to say, uh, I'm grateful you're here. 01:41.601 --> 01:44.729 I've never done a scene like this, so just, thank you. 01:46.314 --> 01:47.524 Where did you train? 01:48.107 --> 01:53.029 Uh, not like a professional, you know, school or anything like that, 01:53.113 --> 01:54.697 but I come from stand-up comedy and I-- 01:54.781 --> 01:57.659 Oh, oh. 01:57.742 --> 01:59.786 A lot of perverts in your industry. 02:00.620 --> 02:04.040 -Mm-hmm. -Uh, there's a few bad eggs, yeah. 02:04.124 --> 02:07.127 I don't know you at all. 02:07.210 --> 02:11.589 I don't trust you, and I go by my gut. 02:11.673 --> 02:14.592 I feel like you're coming at me like I've done something wrong. 02:14.676 --> 02:19.889 Yeah. Well, there's absolutely no funny business on my set. 02:19.973 --> 02:23.059 I got my eyes on you, okay? 02:23.143 --> 02:24.144 Okay. 02:30.358 --> 02:33.319 Guys! 02:33.403 --> 02:35.196 …me up? Okay. 02:35.280 --> 02:36.865 -Here we go. -Settle in. 02:36.948 --> 02:39.617 -Rehearsal's up. -Everybody, let's clear. 02:41.911 --> 02:44.038 Ready, and action. 02:44.122 --> 02:46.916 Goddamn it. 02:47.667 --> 02:48.918 I am such a fool. 02:49.586 --> 02:52.463 Why did we even come to the Amalfi Coast? 02:52.964 --> 02:55.425 There was never any treasure here. 02:56.843 --> 03:00.305 Vera, the only treasure I need is right in front of me. 03:03.433 --> 03:04.267 And it says we kiss? 03:04.350 --> 03:06.811 Stop! 03:06.895 --> 03:08.855 Stop! 03:10.148 --> 03:12.191 -Michael? -No, I'm sorry, I-I-- 03:12.275 --> 03:14.152 This is a symphony. 03:14.235 --> 03:20.742 It is harmonies, rhythms, fortes, pianissimos, 03:20.825 --> 03:24.495 and I am the conductor. 03:24.579 --> 03:28.499 I-I asked-- I asked if I should kiss. I didn't do anything. 03:28.583 --> 03:30.209 You know what? Why don't we… 03:30.293 --> 03:32.629 -Let's move to the next part of the scene. -Uh-huh. 03:32.712 --> 03:34.214 The bed. Go to the bed scene? 03:34.297 --> 03:35.715 -Bed scene's up. -Yeah. 03:35.798 --> 03:40.470 Look, do you think we can get a different intimacy coordinator? 03:40.553 --> 03:41.971 A different…? 03:42.055 --> 03:44.766 Tom, she's the best in the world. 03:44.849 --> 03:47.018 No one makes actors feel more comfortable. 03:49.979 --> 03:51.689 All right, now, it's really romantic. 03:51.773 --> 03:53.816 It's sweet, it's sensual. 03:53.900 --> 03:55.193 So you're making out. 03:56.027 --> 03:57.820 -Now? -Action. 04:05.662 --> 04:07.747 -I'll take care of it. -Thank you. 04:10.416 --> 04:12.418 Ow!What the fuck? 04:12.502 --> 04:13.670 Kiss her. Kiss her. 04:13.753 --> 04:17.298 Are you sure? I just got, uh, some mixed signals from you today. 04:17.882 --> 04:19.634 Kiss her. Kiss her. 04:21.844 --> 04:24.180 -Just… mouth on mouth. -Unexpected. Okay, okay. 04:24.264 --> 04:25.223 Yeah. 04:27.058 --> 04:28.851 -Uh, Mike? -Yeah. 04:28.935 --> 04:32.355 It-- it says in the script that I… I grab her bosom? 04:32.438 --> 04:33.356 Yeah. 04:37.110 --> 04:38.444 I don't wanna do that. 04:39.070 --> 04:40.613 Tom… Tom, it's okay. 04:40.697 --> 04:42.782 -Hit those titties. -Just grab 'em. 04:42.865 --> 04:44.367 Just grab 'em. It's okay. 04:44.450 --> 04:45.868 Come on, Tom. Get in there. 04:46.619 --> 04:48.413 -Jesus, Tom, go. -You're so close. 04:48.496 --> 04:49.539 That's my shoulder. 04:49.622 --> 04:51.165 -Yeah. -Tommy, what's up? 04:51.249 --> 04:54.544 I mean, you know, tits, who's into those now? 04:54.627 --> 04:56.254 -You need me to step in? -Please. 04:56.337 --> 04:58.089 I'll play with her tits. Suck on her tits. 04:58.172 --> 04:59.716 Then I'll smack 'em around. 04:59.799 --> 05:01.134 Move over. Get over. 05:01.217 --> 05:03.386 -You want me to roll this way? -No, this is it. 05:03.469 --> 05:06.431 -Okay. -I'll just get in there. Tom, straddle me. 05:06.514 --> 05:08.766 -I straddle you from here? -Mm-hmm. 05:10.852 --> 05:14.397 Do you think you can not get aroused? Be a professional? Be a man? 05:14.480 --> 05:17.150 This is how we did Brokeback, Heated Rivalry. 05:17.233 --> 05:19.777 If you'd ever had any kind of formal training, 05:19.861 --> 05:20.987 you'd know about this. 05:21.070 --> 05:23.656 -And now, I reach my hands up. -Yeah. 05:23.740 --> 05:25.825 -Bring your mouth to my mouth. -Yeah. 05:25.908 --> 05:28.202 -But she's in between us? Okay. -Mm-hmm. 05:28.286 --> 05:31.164 -Oh, this is perfect. -Barbara, that's brilliant. Yes. 05:31.247 --> 05:34.375 What do you think if Vera were to be on top? 05:34.459 --> 05:36.127 -Yes! -That's nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 05:36.210 --> 05:37.754 Okay. 05:37.837 --> 05:40.840 Okay, Tom, lay it down. Lay it down right here. 05:40.923 --> 05:44.385 -So then if I'm… here. Okay? -Mm-hmm. 05:44.469 --> 05:45.970 -I can't talk like this. -That's great. 05:46.054 --> 05:47.889 You're just gonna sit on my face? 05:47.972 --> 05:49.766 Okay, I have his hands. Don't worry. 05:49.849 --> 05:51.059 Tom, no funny business. 05:51.142 --> 05:55.646 Now once Vera is up here and mounted, and then I throw my hair back… 05:55.730 --> 05:56.731 Celeste, just like that. 05:59.817 --> 06:02.236 -Yeah, yeah, yeah. -It's like you're carrying the scene. 06:02.320 --> 06:04.322 Everything goes to you. 06:04.405 --> 06:06.032 Oh! 06:08.951 --> 06:11.329 -Oh my God. -I couldn't breathe under there. 06:11.412 --> 06:14.332 -Ow! Ow! Ow! -Oh my-- 06:15.541 --> 06:17.585 That was a little rough, Tom. 06:19.378 --> 06:22.256 I just think I could make it a little more… 06:22.340 --> 06:23.800 …it played like I-- I have to… 06:23.883 --> 06:27.095 We have to start shooting. We've been rehearsing all day. It's crazy. 06:27.178 --> 06:29.013 Could you do, like, an earwig? 06:29.097 --> 06:30.640 Earwig? Yeah. 06:30.723 --> 06:32.058 -Yes. Yeah. -Yes. 06:32.141 --> 06:34.268 -That's fine. -Okay, everybody, picture's up. 06:34.352 --> 06:35.770 We're gonna shoot. 06:35.853 --> 06:39.357 Tom, um, we're just gonna jump right to the sex scene, okay? 06:39.941 --> 06:41.901 -We haven't rehearsed that yet. -I know. 06:41.984 --> 06:43.820 Um, we're gonna give you an earpiece, 06:43.903 --> 06:47.407 and then Barbara is just, she's gonna walk you through the whole thing. 06:47.490 --> 06:50.284 Trust me. She does this in all the big movies. Think of it as a… 06:51.744 --> 06:53.496 Think of it as a rite of passage. 06:54.539 --> 06:55.623 Okay. 06:56.958 --> 06:59.001 We're rolling. Quiet! 06:59.085 --> 07:01.629 We'll do that tomorrow, okay? All right, um… 07:01.712 --> 07:04.173 The earpiece is weird. 07:04.257 --> 07:05.258 Yeah. 07:07.385 --> 07:08.803 All right, here we go. 07:12.515 --> 07:13.433 Are you good? 07:13.516 --> 07:17.103 Yeah. You're really sweaty. He's, like, so sweaty. 07:17.186 --> 07:18.729 Can we get a thing there? Yeah. 07:18.813 --> 07:20.022 -All right, Tom? -Sorry. 07:20.106 --> 07:23.234 -It's okay. -You're in love, and you say…? 07:24.026 --> 07:24.861 Um… 07:25.445 --> 07:27.947 "Promise me this is real." Okay, you got this. 07:28.030 --> 07:30.116 "Promise"-- Yeah. "Promise… this is real." 07:30.199 --> 07:32.201 Fucking kill me. No more comedians. 07:32.285 --> 07:33.911 Okay, this is for you, Cosby. 07:33.995 --> 07:34.996 Listen up. 07:35.079 --> 07:37.915 Don't even think about getting hard. Do not get hard. 07:37.999 --> 07:40.501 You fucking pervert. I've seen the way you look at her. 07:40.585 --> 07:43.171 -You understand me, pedo? -Let's roll camera. 07:43.254 --> 07:44.755 Rolling! 07:44.839 --> 07:46.966 Amalfi Coast, scene 24, take one. 07:47.049 --> 07:49.093 Oh, you just want to dig it in. 07:49.177 --> 07:50.928 She is not one of your whores. 07:51.512 --> 07:54.724 She's not a victim like that. And I'm not a victim. 07:54.807 --> 07:57.727 We are not your victims, Tom. 07:57.810 --> 08:00.438 -What are you talking about? -Tom, keep it together. Come on. 08:00.521 --> 08:02.732 -Stop saying that shit. -I know your type. 08:02.815 --> 08:05.067 "I'm a sensitive guy. I had a single mother." 08:05.151 --> 08:07.987 -"I know what women's lives are like." -Are you okay? 08:08.070 --> 08:09.572 -Yeah. -Oh, remember Mommy? 08:09.655 --> 08:12.909 No, you don't. Because she wasn't ever home. 08:13.576 --> 08:18.039 Mommy didn't come home because Mommy didn't love you. 08:18.664 --> 08:20.166 Whoops! 08:20.249 --> 08:21.459 You disgust me. 08:21.542 --> 08:24.962 You make me ill. 08:25.046 --> 08:27.798 Clown, comedy. 08:27.882 --> 08:29.675 Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. 08:29.759 --> 08:33.387 It's all a mask for the monster within. 08:34.472 --> 08:35.556 Action! 08:36.515 --> 08:39.268 Tonight's five nominees transported us 08:39.352 --> 08:43.189 with their spellbinding and often surprising performances. 08:43.272 --> 08:48.611 And the award for Best Actor in a Major Motion Picture goes to… 08:49.862 --> 08:51.280 Tom Segura. 08:51.906 --> 08:53.866 Promise me this is real. 08:54.450 --> 08:56.118 I know it is. 08:57.119 --> 08:58.162 I'm scared. 08:58.246 --> 09:01.082 I'm scared. 09:01.165 --> 09:02.708 I'm so scared. 09:03.209 --> 09:04.794 I'm so scared. 09:10.091 --> 09:11.801 Unfortunately, 09:11.884 --> 09:15.763 Tom tragically took his life the day the film completed production. 09:17.265 --> 09:22.478 But I'm certain he would want this award to go to his intimacy coordinator, Bar-- 09:50.840 --> 09:51.799 There you go. 09:52.675 --> 09:55.094 What the fuck? 09:56.012 --> 09:56.846 What? 09:57.430 --> 09:58.723 Fuck! 09:58.806 --> 10:00.891 Fuck, man! Why'd you shoot him? 10:01.601 --> 10:03.603 -You gave me the signal. -No, I didn't. 10:03.686 --> 10:06.522 -You did your head like this. -That's not the signal. 10:06.606 --> 10:08.190 I thought that was the signal. 10:08.274 --> 10:09.734 That was a nod, you know? 10:09.817 --> 10:12.320 Like, "Hey, hey, what's up, dawg?" 10:12.403 --> 10:13.446 You know? "Hello." 10:13.529 --> 10:16.073 I thought that was, you know, like the signal. 10:16.157 --> 10:19.410 Man, no! I would've gave you a clear fucking signal. 10:19.493 --> 10:20.369 Like what? 10:20.453 --> 10:22.830 Like the signal, man. The fucking… 10:23.331 --> 10:25.291 That's really close to the last one. 10:25.374 --> 10:26.542 Fuck no, it isn't. 10:26.626 --> 10:28.419 They're both head… things. 10:28.502 --> 10:32.965 No, that's-- that's fucking "hello" without saying hello. 10:33.049 --> 10:33.883 This… 10:34.884 --> 10:36.093 This… 10:37.803 --> 10:39.347 Hey, look at me, look at me. 10:40.723 --> 10:41.849 That's the signal. 10:41.932 --> 10:42.975 They're very close. 10:43.059 --> 10:45.311 What are you talking about? They're different! 10:45.394 --> 10:46.854 Fuck, man, you killed my cousin. 10:47.521 --> 10:49.649 That's a 22-year-old Mexican kid, man. 10:49.732 --> 10:51.567 Does that look like the Russian Butcher to you? 10:51.651 --> 10:55.655 -What's the Butcher look like? -He looks like a Russian butcher. 10:55.738 --> 10:57.615 I'll tell you what he doesn't look like. 10:57.698 --> 10:59.450 He doesn't look like my little cousin Juanito, 10:59.533 --> 11:01.369 aka Flaco, aka Moco, 11:01.452 --> 11:02.912 aka Chino from Irvine. 11:02.995 --> 11:04.872 -He's got all those nicknames? -Yeah, man. 11:04.955 --> 11:07.291 And lately, we started calling him Little Buff Guy. 11:07.375 --> 11:09.877 He started working out and shit. He's all into it. 11:09.960 --> 11:13.464 -I can see. -Fuck, Tony. You fucked up, man. 11:13.547 --> 11:15.091 Fuck, man. Fuck! 11:15.591 --> 11:18.344 -Why don't we work on signals? -What? 11:18.427 --> 11:20.137 Yeah, so this doesn't happen again. 11:20.221 --> 11:22.390 Tony, what the fuck are you talking about, man? 11:22.473 --> 11:25.226 All right, we need a clear signal. 11:31.148 --> 11:35.778 -What's that? You're clearing your throat. -But if we know that it means something… 11:35.861 --> 11:38.030 Well, what if you have to clear your throat in real life? 11:38.114 --> 11:39.281 All right, how about, uh… 11:40.074 --> 11:41.075 Uh… 11:43.244 --> 11:44.328 That's a good signal. 11:44.412 --> 11:45.746 Point my finger? 11:45.830 --> 11:47.123 It's clear. 11:47.206 --> 11:48.332 "Shoot him." 11:50.418 --> 11:51.669 You got another one? 11:51.752 --> 11:53.838 Yeah, how about I just go like this? Hey… 11:57.425 --> 12:00.719 -That works. -Yeah? That's not a fucking signal! 12:00.803 --> 12:02.471 Tony, that's a full gesture! 12:02.555 --> 12:05.266 This ain't The Price is Right. I ain't Vanna White. 12:05.349 --> 12:06.392 Wheel of Fortune. 12:06.976 --> 12:09.019 -What? -Vanna White's Wheel of Fortune. 12:10.062 --> 12:11.689 I'm just saying. 12:11.772 --> 12:12.732 Look, I'm sorry. 12:13.774 --> 12:16.652 Your cousin, I'm sorry I killed him. 12:16.736 --> 12:18.571 I feel really embarrassed right now. 12:18.654 --> 12:21.073 Fuck. You fucked up, man. 12:21.157 --> 12:22.283 You fucked up bad. 12:22.366 --> 12:24.160 This is my fucking family. 12:24.243 --> 12:26.662 Fuck, man. Should be fun to tell his mom, huh? 12:26.746 --> 12:29.331 "Hey, Tía, I picked up Flaco from the airport." 12:29.415 --> 12:30.458 "We came downtown, 12:30.541 --> 12:33.961 and then my colleague shot him in the head when I just said, 'What's up?'" 12:35.212 --> 12:39.467 You didn't say, "What's up." All right? You gave me a signal. 12:43.095 --> 12:44.972 And I want you to know something. 12:45.055 --> 12:47.433 You're making me feel real bad about it. 12:50.561 --> 12:52.730 Fuck! Well, this should be fun. 12:52.813 --> 12:55.024 She's calling. Fuck am I gonna tell her? 12:55.107 --> 12:57.443 Thank you, asshole. 12:58.569 --> 13:01.697 -Tell her I'm sorry. -Hey, hey, Tía. 13:01.781 --> 13:03.449 Uh, no, no, Moco's having a blast. 13:03.532 --> 13:05.701 I mean, uh, uh, he's having fun. 13:05.785 --> 13:09.622 No, no, he's just not answering 'cause, uh, he's getting a massage. 13:10.206 --> 13:12.791 I'm waiting here in the lobby. 13:12.875 --> 13:14.585 They got a really nice lobby. 13:14.668 --> 13:18.380 He's in a deep, like, trance. He might not even call you until tomorrow. 13:20.007 --> 13:21.717 He's having so much fun. 13:22.218 --> 13:25.513 No, he can't talk right now because there's an Asian lady on top of him. 13:25.596 --> 13:27.932 -It smells like eucalyptus. -Privet. 13:28.682 --> 13:29.809 You know, eucalyptus? 13:29.892 --> 13:34.230 It seems as though people in this city believe you are looking for me. 13:34.313 --> 13:36.482 -Yeah, I'm not sure… -Who are you? 13:37.066 --> 13:39.235 I prefer to ask the questions myself. 13:39.318 --> 13:41.070 -…scrub him, and… -Okay. 13:41.153 --> 13:42.822 You know, bathe him, and… 13:50.412 --> 13:51.455 Shoot him! 14:06.762 --> 14:08.222 You know him? 14:08.305 --> 14:10.266 That's my cousin. 14:10.349 --> 14:12.309 This dumb motherfucker thought it was you. 14:14.812 --> 14:15.938 He's Meksikanskiy. 14:16.021 --> 14:17.940 -Yeah? -You ready? 14:18.023 --> 14:19.483 Wait, let me give you the nod first. 14:20.150 --> 14:23.028 Yeah, that's what's up. See? Yeah. Yeah, you get it. 14:24.697 --> 14:25.865 Okay, ready? 14:26.949 --> 14:28.701 It's a clear difference between the nod-- 14:39.545 --> 14:42.006 She's here! 14:42.089 --> 14:43.549 Phil, she's here! 14:43.632 --> 14:45.301 All right, all right! 14:48.220 --> 14:49.555 There she is. 14:49.638 --> 14:52.766 -Oh gosh, sweetie, welcome home. -Hi. 14:52.850 --> 14:54.101 Hi, Mom. 14:54.184 --> 14:55.811 Hi, honey. 14:55.895 --> 14:58.439 -Hi, Dad. -Darling, how are you? 14:58.522 --> 15:00.900 God, my hair. 15:00.983 --> 15:03.485 Almost drowned out there. It's fucking raining. 15:03.569 --> 15:04.820 Oh, you look great. 15:04.904 --> 15:07.990 Mom, I see you decided to cut your hair. 15:08.073 --> 15:09.658 Oh, do you like it? 15:09.742 --> 15:13.287 Uh, yeah. Totally works for you, I guess. 15:13.370 --> 15:16.874 -Thank you. -We missed you so much. 15:16.957 --> 15:19.168 God, I was gone like eight months. 15:19.251 --> 15:21.712 I swear, you guys are, like, so attached. 15:21.795 --> 15:23.589 It's crazy. 15:23.672 --> 15:27.092 Uh, honey, what's that? 15:28.469 --> 15:31.764 It's a tattoo of a heart, and it has the word "home" in it. 15:31.847 --> 15:35.017 I'm sorry, but you know how we feel about tattoos. 15:35.100 --> 15:36.602 You've only got one body. 15:36.685 --> 15:39.563 Oh, wow. So now you have a say in my body? 15:40.189 --> 15:42.983 Why don't you tell me what brand of tampon I'm allowed to use, Dad? 15:43.067 --> 15:44.151 So gross. 15:44.234 --> 15:45.903 Patriarchy much? 15:45.986 --> 15:50.491 I just got it to remind myself where I come from or whatever. 15:51.075 --> 15:52.451 I love you guys. 15:52.534 --> 15:56.455 -Aw, sweetie, that's so nice. -Yeah. 15:56.538 --> 15:58.707 Yeah, no shit. I'm super thoughtful. 15:58.791 --> 16:02.211 So, how was the study abroad program? 16:02.294 --> 16:03.963 -Do you speak French now? -Oh, right! 16:04.046 --> 16:06.340 Uh, oui. 16:06.423 --> 16:08.509 It was amazing. So fucking cool. 16:08.592 --> 16:11.220 I'm gonna think about what I wanna do with my major, you know? 16:11.303 --> 16:12.513 Probably gonna switch it up. 16:12.596 --> 16:15.724 Maybe, like, art or, like, math or, like, the trumpet. 16:15.808 --> 16:19.019 I don't know. I'm just evolving so fast right now, it's crazy. 16:19.103 --> 16:23.482 -We are so proud of you. -I know. Anyway, I got you guys something. 16:24.149 --> 16:24.983 It's, like, whatever, 16:25.067 --> 16:28.404 but I figured I'd get you something 'cause you paid for my fucking trip. 16:28.487 --> 16:30.572 Fuck. Where the fuck are these fucking things? 16:30.656 --> 16:31.824 Oh. 16:34.159 --> 16:35.411 Caitlyn? 16:35.995 --> 16:37.454 Oh my God, what now? 16:37.538 --> 16:39.164 What is that? 16:39.248 --> 16:42.960 You're so uncultured. It's the Eiffel Tower from Paris. 16:43.043 --> 16:43.877 Ugh. 16:44.461 --> 16:46.630 No, on your back. 16:46.714 --> 16:50.592 On your lower back. Is that… Hitler? 16:50.676 --> 16:54.012 Uh, yeah, obviously. What's the fucking problem? 16:54.763 --> 16:55.806 It's Hitler. 16:55.889 --> 16:57.725 Oh my God. 16:57.808 --> 16:59.893 What do you specifically see? 17:01.353 --> 17:03.939 I cannot believe how fucking stupid these two are. 17:04.022 --> 17:05.065 Oh my God. 17:05.149 --> 17:06.567 He's smiling. 17:07.568 --> 17:11.071 Exactly, thank you. Somebody has fucking eyes now, I guess. 17:11.155 --> 17:12.823 "Exactly" what? 17:13.991 --> 17:15.117 He's happy here. 17:15.200 --> 17:16.493 On your back? 17:16.577 --> 17:19.413 It's just showing him in good spirits. 17:19.496 --> 17:23.125 Sweetie… …if Hitler's in good spirits, 17:23.208 --> 17:27.421 it probably means he just did something horrifically awful. 17:31.508 --> 17:33.093 Describe his smile. 17:34.636 --> 17:35.888 It's gross. 17:37.139 --> 17:39.600 No, be objective. 17:40.768 --> 17:41.935 Is it bad? 17:43.312 --> 17:45.814 Is it a bad smile, Dad? 17:46.940 --> 17:48.108 It's good? 17:49.151 --> 17:50.235 It's a great smile. 17:50.319 --> 17:51.361 Oh my God. 17:51.445 --> 17:52.446 Admit it. 17:53.155 --> 17:54.490 Okay. All right, fine. 17:54.573 --> 17:56.784 Hitler has a great smile. Is that what you want me to say? 17:56.867 --> 17:59.995 -That Hitler has a great smile? -He's mogging. 18:00.079 --> 18:02.081 -But, honey-- -He's like a low-tier Chad, Dad. 18:02.164 --> 18:05.542 You understand that he is an awful person, right? 18:05.626 --> 18:10.047 -That's like the whole fucking point, Dad. -Okay, good. Great. 18:10.756 --> 18:11.715 Wait, what? 18:11.799 --> 18:14.343 Oh my God. You guys are so fucking cringe. 18:14.426 --> 18:16.386 -You watch your mouth. -I'm not cringe. 18:16.470 --> 18:18.680 All I'm saying is that I got this tattoo 18:18.764 --> 18:22.935 to remind me to be careful in the real world, okay? 18:23.018 --> 18:26.146 Like, I look at it every single day, 18:26.230 --> 18:30.651 and I remember that just because somebody has a nice smile, 18:31.276 --> 18:33.862 it doesn't mean that they're a nice person. 18:33.946 --> 18:35.656 Like, the Führer was, like… 18:36.907 --> 18:38.283 he was kind of a dick. 18:41.203 --> 18:43.497 Oh no, the power went out. 18:43.580 --> 18:46.083 I guess I'll fix it. I mean, obviously. 18:46.166 --> 18:49.920 God, I have to do everything around here. These two are so fucking helpless. 18:50.003 --> 18:53.215 They'd just live in the dark if I wasn't here. Jesus Christ. 18:54.466 --> 18:55.634 What? 18:56.426 --> 18:58.762 It's glow-in-the-dark ink. 18:58.846 --> 19:00.305 It's super cutting-edge. 19:00.389 --> 19:03.267 Barely anybody has it, except for Rachel Sennott or whatever. 19:03.350 --> 19:05.060 Why the Twin Towers? 19:05.144 --> 19:07.729 Uh, really, Mom? 9/11? 19:07.813 --> 19:10.065 Ever heard of it? This one's super easy. 19:10.649 --> 19:16.029 Never forget what Hitler did, even though he had an amazing smile. 19:17.614 --> 19:19.199 Don't judge a book by its cover. 19:19.283 --> 19:20.492 Did Hitler just wink? 19:20.576 --> 19:22.327 It's animated ink. 19:22.411 --> 19:25.706 Jesus, open your ears. I mean, this one moves too. 19:25.789 --> 19:26.790 Oh my God. 19:26.874 --> 19:30.127 Sweetie, please tell me that's not R. Kelly. 19:30.210 --> 19:31.086 Okay, I won't. 19:31.169 --> 19:35.591 -Why would you have--? -R. Kelly is another reminder. 19:35.674 --> 19:36.842 Of what? 19:37.426 --> 19:38.927 To drink water. 19:40.929 --> 19:42.681 So that I pee. 19:42.764 --> 19:43.974 Oh my God. 19:44.057 --> 19:47.311 Why do you need a tattoo of R. Kelly to remind you to pee? 19:47.394 --> 19:49.438 'Cause he's like the pee guy or whatever. 19:49.521 --> 19:51.481 Why is he licking his lips? 19:51.565 --> 19:53.817 Because his mouth is dry. 19:55.903 --> 19:58.989 No wonder I'm gonna be the first one to graduate college in this family. 19:59.072 --> 20:01.783 You know what? This has gone far enough. That's it. 20:01.867 --> 20:03.660 -You're getting them removed. -Mm-hmm. 20:03.744 --> 20:04.870 Wow. 20:05.370 --> 20:06.496 Wow. 20:06.580 --> 20:08.624 I knew you'd be close-minded. 20:08.707 --> 20:10.417 Andre said you'd freak out. 20:10.500 --> 20:12.461 Who is Andre? 20:12.544 --> 20:14.004 My tattoo artist. 20:15.130 --> 20:16.381 And my boyfriend. 20:16.465 --> 20:17.966 Boyfriend? 20:18.800 --> 20:21.803 But you came out as a lesbian at Thanksgiving. 20:21.887 --> 20:23.180 Okay, I came out as bi. 20:23.263 --> 20:26.225 And that was mostly for attention. I thought that was obvious. 20:26.308 --> 20:29.102 Andre is an art major. 20:29.186 --> 20:32.064 He's a junior, and he invented the ink. 20:32.773 --> 20:35.234 He also just made Forbes' 30 Over 40 List. 20:35.317 --> 20:36.735 He's over 40? 20:36.818 --> 20:39.238 Dad, you are missing the point. 20:39.321 --> 20:40.906 What point? 20:40.989 --> 20:43.450 I'm marrying into money. 20:44.076 --> 20:45.244 -Oh. -Hm. 20:45.327 --> 20:47.871 College is terrifying. 20:48.413 --> 20:50.165 Everybody has a path. 20:50.249 --> 20:52.084 And I don't yet. 20:52.668 --> 20:56.171 Dad, you always said to have a backup plan. 20:56.254 --> 20:59.967 Well, Andre is my backup plan. 21:00.050 --> 21:04.346 And if I get these lasered off, he's gonna think I don't support his art. 21:04.930 --> 21:06.139 And then what? 21:06.223 --> 21:12.062 I'm just stuck with this dumb degree that literally nobody asked for? 21:12.145 --> 21:13.522 Is that what you want? 21:13.605 --> 21:15.691 -Oh, honey, no, no. -No, sweetheart. 21:15.774 --> 21:17.484 -No. -Sweetheart. 21:17.567 --> 21:19.236 We trust you. 21:19.319 --> 21:20.696 -We love you. -Yeah. 21:20.779 --> 21:23.031 Yeah. I love me too. 21:23.615 --> 21:26.118 By the way, I also do porn now. art.