WEBVTT 00:00:15.765 --> 00:00:17.559 align:center I also sleep with a weighted blanket 00:00:17.642 --> 00:00:19.602 align:center 'cause I like to feel somebody on top of me, 00:00:19.686 --> 00:00:22.647 align:center but I don't have to have hair in my mouth, 00:00:22.731 --> 00:00:24.607 align:center so I sleep with a weighted blanket, 00:00:24.691 --> 00:00:26.776 align:center which also helps with wet dreams. 00:00:26.860 --> 00:00:30.196 align:center And by help, I mean it causes them, so… 00:00:30.280 --> 00:00:32.741 align:center Weighted blankets, yeah, good for wet dreams, 00:00:32.824 --> 00:00:35.035 align:center shitty for house fires, I'll tell you that. 00:00:38.580 --> 00:00:40.540 align:center You know, Christina said I have great balls. 00:00:41.833 --> 00:00:45.879 align:center Which really just feels like she's saying, "Your dick's not worth talking about." 00:00:46.838 --> 00:00:48.840 align:center We're not supposed to be married. 00:00:50.717 --> 00:00:51.760 align:center Right? 00:00:51.843 --> 00:00:52.844 align:center They're here. 00:00:53.678 --> 00:00:54.804 align:center What's here? 00:00:55.305 --> 00:00:56.473 align:center My merch. 00:00:58.725 --> 00:01:01.311 align:center You have an 18-wheeler dropping off merch? 00:01:01.394 --> 00:01:02.353 align:center Yeah, man. 00:01:03.188 --> 00:01:05.523 align:center It's a big day. 00:01:08.610 --> 00:01:09.694 align:center Wait, what? 00:01:09.778 --> 00:01:13.323 align:center Remember when you said take something from my act, throw my name on it, 00:01:13.406 --> 00:01:14.908 align:center make a little extra scratch? 00:01:15.492 --> 00:01:16.701 align:center Yeah, I remember that. 00:01:17.452 --> 00:01:18.995 align:center I went with weighted blankets. 00:01:21.998 --> 00:01:24.834 align:center -Weighted blankets? -Yeah. 00:01:30.340 --> 00:01:31.633 align:center 'Cause they make you nut. 00:01:32.592 --> 00:01:34.177 align:center Wait, are you ser-- 00:01:34.260 --> 00:01:36.971 align:center Is this truck really full of weighted blankets? 00:01:37.514 --> 00:01:38.473 align:center Yeah. 00:01:39.307 --> 00:01:42.560 align:center Kirk… merch for comedy shows 00:01:42.644 --> 00:01:45.647 align:center is like T-shirts, hats, beer koozies. 00:01:45.730 --> 00:01:47.440 align:center They love my weighted blanket bit. 00:01:47.524 --> 00:01:49.150 align:center Honestly, it's not even really a bit. 00:01:49.234 --> 00:01:51.903 align:center You just kind of have a couple lines about it. 00:01:52.487 --> 00:01:53.947 align:center Wait, how much do they weigh? 00:01:54.531 --> 00:01:55.782 align:center Hundred and twenty-five. 00:01:56.366 --> 00:01:57.242 align:center Pounds? 00:01:57.325 --> 00:01:58.576 align:center Yeah. 00:01:58.660 --> 00:02:01.162 align:center I thought weighted blankets weighed, like, 10 or 15 pounds. 00:02:01.246 --> 00:02:03.164 align:center I wanted to stand out. 00:02:03.248 --> 00:02:05.208 align:center Dude, you wear a hat at every show. 00:02:05.291 --> 00:02:09.295 align:center You don't think a Kirk Fox… hat is a good idea? 00:02:09.379 --> 00:02:11.464 align:center Yeah, weighted hats. 00:02:11.548 --> 00:02:14.342 align:center No, what… what is your deal with weighted stuff? 00:02:15.677 --> 00:02:17.929 align:center Kirk, how many of these did you order? 00:02:18.513 --> 00:02:19.931 align:center 400,000 worth. 00:02:20.014 --> 00:02:21.015 align:center What? 00:02:21.975 --> 00:02:24.769 align:center Yeah, they lowered the cost 'cause I got a bulk order. 00:02:24.853 --> 00:02:26.855 align:center Four hundred grand? 00:02:26.938 --> 00:02:28.565 align:center Got an equity line on the house. 00:02:29.149 --> 00:02:31.442 align:center -Can I ask you something? -Yeah. 00:02:31.526 --> 00:02:33.862 align:center What the fuck is wrong with you? 00:02:35.446 --> 00:02:37.198 align:center I've never been clearer. 00:02:39.284 --> 00:02:41.661 align:center -Did you tell them? -That they'll nut? 00:02:41.744 --> 00:02:44.539 align:center Yes, I did what you said, but no one gets it. 00:02:44.622 --> 00:02:48.001 align:center -Everyone's super confused. -You gotta take it off the table! 00:02:48.084 --> 00:02:49.502 align:center You gotta demonstrate. 00:02:49.586 --> 00:02:51.379 align:center Kirk Fox makes you come. 00:02:51.462 --> 00:02:53.590 align:center I tried, but it's too heavy. 00:02:53.673 --> 00:02:56.176 align:center I mean, I had both knees replaced last month. 00:02:56.259 --> 00:02:59.304 align:center I don't give a shit about your knees, you fucking old bitch. 00:02:59.387 --> 00:03:00.388 align:center How's it going, man? 00:03:01.598 --> 00:03:03.433 align:center Well, she's not showing them how to use it. 00:03:03.516 --> 00:03:06.519 align:center You gotta show them how to use it. I told you that. 00:03:06.603 --> 00:03:09.022 align:center It's a blanket. People get it. 00:03:09.105 --> 00:03:10.607 align:center It's a weighted blanket. 00:03:10.690 --> 00:03:12.442 align:center Right, I forgot that. 00:03:12.525 --> 00:03:14.569 align:center If you lay down like this, 00:03:15.570 --> 00:03:17.113 align:center it's a weighted blanket. 00:03:18.156 --> 00:03:19.240 align:center Give me one. 00:03:19.824 --> 00:03:21.034 align:center Do you need a hand? 00:03:22.035 --> 00:03:24.495 align:center Oh my God. 00:03:24.579 --> 00:03:25.872 align:center Jesus! 00:03:25.955 --> 00:03:27.874 align:center Oh my God. Are you okay? 00:03:27.957 --> 00:03:30.668 align:center This is what happens when you give me Nancy Reagan's corpse 00:03:30.752 --> 00:03:32.086 align:center to sell blankets, man. 00:03:32.170 --> 00:03:34.214 align:center -Let me help you up. -You're fine. 00:03:34.297 --> 00:03:35.215 align:center She's not fine. 00:03:35.298 --> 00:03:37.717 align:center -Quit your whining. -Can we get some help over here? 00:03:37.800 --> 00:03:39.594 align:center -Get her to a medic. -Shut up. 00:03:39.677 --> 00:03:41.512 align:center This way. 00:03:41.596 --> 00:03:44.641 align:center Kirk, this is a shit show, man. 00:03:45.475 --> 00:03:47.143 align:center I just need more time. 00:03:47.227 --> 00:03:48.895 align:center I don't think time's the issue. 00:03:48.978 --> 00:03:50.647 align:center It's your dumb fucking idea. 00:03:50.730 --> 00:03:52.398 align:center That's the problem. 00:03:58.655 --> 00:03:59.906 align:center Shit. 00:04:00.740 --> 00:04:01.741 align:center Tom. 00:04:05.328 --> 00:04:06.871 align:center I fucked up, man. 00:04:06.955 --> 00:04:08.873 align:center That's what I've been saying, man. 00:04:09.874 --> 00:04:12.835 align:center This is a really, really, really, really, really dumb idea. 00:04:13.503 --> 00:04:15.421 align:center Oh fuck! 00:04:16.047 --> 00:04:17.423 align:center Goddamn it. 00:04:18.216 --> 00:04:20.885 align:center Please help me, man. Please help me. 00:04:22.637 --> 00:04:24.722 align:center I thought I had it, man. 00:04:24.806 --> 00:04:27.475 align:center I thought I had it. I felt it. 00:04:28.810 --> 00:04:30.311 align:center iPhones. 00:04:30.979 --> 00:04:32.814 align:center Uncrustables. 00:04:33.314 --> 00:04:35.066 align:center Nut blankets. 00:04:35.149 --> 00:04:36.150 align:center The big three. 00:04:36.734 --> 00:04:39.195 align:center Did you just compare these to iPhones? 00:04:41.197 --> 00:04:42.532 align:center Fuck! 00:04:43.116 --> 00:04:47.912 align:center This is the worst idea anyone has ever come up with. 00:04:47.996 --> 00:04:49.580 align:center It's a really bad idea. 00:04:49.664 --> 00:04:51.541 align:center My entire life savings went into this. 00:04:51.624 --> 00:04:54.252 align:center I'm gonna be homeless. I can't be homeless. 00:04:54.335 --> 00:04:55.837 align:center I joke about being homeless. 00:04:55.920 --> 00:04:58.506 align:center "Hey, I'm built for it. I'm always in denim." 00:04:58.589 --> 00:05:00.133 align:center "I need a shower every night." 00:05:00.216 --> 00:05:03.511 align:center -"I just look dirty. I'm clean." -All right, take a deep breath. 00:05:03.594 --> 00:05:05.722 align:center Just listen. 00:05:06.848 --> 00:05:09.142 align:center -We'll figure it out. -How? How? 00:05:09.225 --> 00:05:10.893 align:center I'm fucking toast, bro. 00:05:10.977 --> 00:05:12.061 align:center I'll reimburse you 00:05:12.145 --> 00:05:14.981 align:center for the 400 fucking thousand dollars you spent. 00:05:15.064 --> 00:05:16.566 align:center Five hundred. I lied. 00:05:18.985 --> 00:05:21.487 align:center Okay… I'll reimburse you 00:05:21.571 --> 00:05:25.616 align:center for the 500 fucking thousand dollars you spent on weighted blankets, 00:05:25.700 --> 00:05:27.994 align:center and we'll come up with a payment plan or something, okay? 00:05:28.077 --> 00:05:30.705 align:center You're doing a lot of free shows, by the way. 00:05:31.372 --> 00:05:33.082 align:center -I love you. -I love you too. 00:05:33.166 --> 00:05:36.336 align:center And you are getting rid of these fucking weighted blankets. 00:05:37.587 --> 00:05:39.047 align:center However you wanna do it. 00:05:39.714 --> 00:05:41.716 align:center -I'll get rid of these. -Yes. 00:05:41.799 --> 00:05:43.342 align:center Just figure something out. 00:05:46.471 --> 00:05:47.638 align:center How's it going? 00:05:56.439 --> 00:05:57.357 align:center Oh, hey. 00:05:57.440 --> 00:06:00.985 align:center If there's still feedback, like, anywhere else on stage, I'm fine. 00:06:01.069 --> 00:06:03.446 align:center But when you're downstage center-- 00:06:04.906 --> 00:06:08.117 align:center You're welcome! 00:06:08.951 --> 00:06:10.244 align:center You like that? 00:06:13.456 --> 00:06:15.208 align:center Get that one. Get it in there. 00:06:15.291 --> 00:06:16.667 align:center I'm trying. 00:06:17.418 --> 00:06:19.170 align:center Any nut allergies? 00:06:20.797 --> 00:06:22.840 align:center Weighted blankets for all! 00:06:24.884 --> 00:06:26.719 align:center Kirk! What the fuck are you doing? 00:06:26.803 --> 00:06:29.514 align:center Thank you, Tom. 00:06:31.182 --> 00:06:32.683 align:center He's fucking lost it. 00:06:35.186 --> 00:06:37.897 align:center Kirk Fox. Tell your friends. 00:06:42.235 --> 00:06:44.654 align:center Breaking news out of Hollywood, California now. 00:06:44.737 --> 00:06:47.949 align:center A stand-up comedian has been arrested on multiple counts of homicide, 00:06:48.032 --> 00:06:49.659 align:center assault, and terrorism. 00:06:49.742 --> 00:06:52.286 align:center His name, Tom Segura. 00:06:52.370 --> 00:06:55.414 align:center Seven people were brutally murdered and thousands traumatized 00:06:55.498 --> 00:06:59.585 align:center when an unnamed man that Segura hired began shooting audience members 00:06:59.669 --> 00:07:02.755 align:center with what's being described as a homemade projectile launcher. 00:07:02.839 --> 00:07:05.466 align:center Bank statements and emails from Segura to the man 00:07:05.550 --> 00:07:08.344 align:center show that Segura entirely funded the terrorist attack, 00:07:08.428 --> 00:07:11.180 align:center paying the man $500,000. 00:07:11.264 --> 00:07:13.474 align:center Segura is being held with no chance of parole 00:07:13.558 --> 00:07:16.769 align:center and will likely be sentenced to death later this month. 00:07:16.853 --> 00:07:20.940 align:center This comedian's brutal act is one that no one is laughing at. 00:07:21.023 --> 00:07:24.777 align:center Well, turning now to a reunion three years in the making. 00:07:24.861 --> 00:07:28.739 align:center A veteran and his military dog separated by thousands of miles 00:07:28.823 --> 00:07:31.909 align:center about to see each other for the first time since deployment. 00:07:31.993 --> 00:07:33.744 align:center You're gonna wanna grab a tissue for this one. 00:07:33.828 --> 00:07:35.746 align:center Cecilia Nichols has the story. 00:07:36.539 --> 00:07:40.626 align:center Army specialist Jake Thorton never forgot his partner, 00:07:40.710 --> 00:07:44.046 align:center a nine-year-old Belgian Malinois named Bruno. 00:07:44.130 --> 00:07:47.049 align:center Well, out there, it's just you and him. 00:07:47.133 --> 00:07:50.011 align:center And he had my back every single day. 00:07:51.304 --> 00:07:54.223 align:center From the very first moment, I trusted Bruno with Jake's life. 00:07:54.307 --> 00:07:57.477 align:center For 18 months, the two spent hundreds of hours together 00:07:57.560 --> 00:07:59.061 align:center on patrol in Iraq. 00:07:59.729 --> 00:08:01.689 align:center But when Jake's deployment ended, 00:08:01.772 --> 00:08:04.817 align:center Bruno still had years of service ahead of him, 00:08:04.901 --> 00:08:09.405 align:center meaning Jake had to leave his partner behind with a new handler. 00:08:09.489 --> 00:08:13.576 align:center That was, um, one of the hardest goodbyes of my life. 00:08:13.659 --> 00:08:15.870 align:center It weighed on him when he came back. 00:08:15.953 --> 00:08:17.788 align:center He really missed that dog. 00:08:18.289 --> 00:08:21.501 align:center Jake never stopped hoping he would see Bruno again, 00:08:21.584 --> 00:08:25.296 align:center waiting for the day his partner would finally retire from service. 00:08:25.379 --> 00:08:27.590 align:center I don't know if he'll remember me. 00:08:28.382 --> 00:08:30.468 align:center But I remember him. 00:08:31.510 --> 00:08:33.638 align:center I remember him every single day. 00:08:33.721 --> 00:08:37.183 align:center Well, we have someone here who has been waiting to see you. 00:08:37.767 --> 00:08:38.726 align:center Are you ready? 00:08:38.809 --> 00:08:40.853 align:center Yes, ma'am. I'm ready. 00:08:42.063 --> 00:08:43.439 align:center Here he is! 00:08:46.400 --> 00:08:48.402 align:center Hey, buddy. Hey. 00:08:49.153 --> 00:08:50.655 align:center Bruno. 00:08:51.572 --> 00:08:52.823 align:center I missed you so much. 00:08:52.907 --> 00:08:54.909 align:center Hey, buddy. Hey. 00:08:54.992 --> 00:08:56.327 align:center Hey, pal. 00:08:56.410 --> 00:08:57.370 align:center Come here, Bruno. 00:09:02.250 --> 00:09:04.001 align:center Jake, try not to move. 00:09:04.085 --> 00:09:05.545 align:center Stop! 00:09:05.628 --> 00:09:08.965 align:center Lower your heart rate. Jake! Control your breath! 00:09:09.048 --> 00:09:10.967 align:center Jake! He thinks you're Taliban! 00:09:11.050 --> 00:09:12.969 align:center Try and stop him! 00:09:13.636 --> 00:09:16.472 align:center There's absolutely nothing I can do, ma'am. He outranks me. 00:09:16.555 --> 00:09:19.642 align:center -Jake, I love you! -That's beautiful, ma'am. 00:09:19.725 --> 00:09:21.978 align:center Not everybody experiences love in this world. 00:09:22.061 --> 00:09:24.855 align:center Make it stop! Make it stop! 00:09:24.939 --> 00:09:26.274 align:center Your son's here. 00:09:26.357 --> 00:09:28.526 align:center Close your eyes, son. You don't want to watch this. 00:09:28.609 --> 00:09:30.695 align:center -He's gonna be okay. -Not gonna be okay. 00:09:31.946 --> 00:09:34.282 align:center Well, just surrender to it now. 00:09:36.200 --> 00:09:38.744 align:center Sorry, son. Your dad's dead. 00:09:38.828 --> 00:09:42.707 align:center Lord in heaven, thank you so much for letting Jake serve with us. 00:09:43.291 --> 00:09:46.544 align:center Amazing grace 00:09:46.627 --> 00:09:50.923 align:center How sweet the sound 00:09:51.007 --> 00:09:55.886 align:center That saved a wretch like me 00:09:55.970 --> 00:09:58.097 align:center -Holy shit. Oh my God. -Jesus. 00:09:58.180 --> 00:09:59.515 align:center Maybe he'll be okay. 00:09:59.598 --> 00:10:01.767 align:center I don't think so. 00:10:02.768 --> 00:10:05.396 align:center I don't know. Can we put something else on? 00:10:06.105 --> 00:10:08.107 align:center -God. -I miss our dog. 00:10:08.691 --> 00:10:12.653 align:center Do you think that we could love our baby as much as we love our dog? 00:10:12.737 --> 00:10:14.613 align:center -That's a good question. -No way, right? 00:10:14.697 --> 00:10:18.075 align:center -You know how cute it is when he-- -All right, you two. We're ready. 00:10:18.159 --> 00:10:21.245 align:center So, Christina, Mary here will show you to the room for egg retrieval. 00:10:21.329 --> 00:10:23.247 align:center -And, Tom, follow me. -Okay. 00:10:23.331 --> 00:10:26.125 align:center -All right, Tom, here's your room. -It's okay, I'm okay. 00:10:26.208 --> 00:10:29.629 align:center Hey, I love you. Have fun jerking off into a cup. 00:10:32.048 --> 00:10:33.341 align:center Get in there. 00:10:33.424 --> 00:10:34.925 align:center So we got everything you need. 00:10:35.009 --> 00:10:38.888 align:center Uh, TV, remote, lots of selections, magazines… 00:10:38.971 --> 00:10:40.806 align:center So how long does it take most people? 00:10:40.890 --> 00:10:44.018 align:center Oh. Just, uh, take your time. But not too much time. 00:10:44.101 --> 00:10:47.646 align:center We need the sample within the hour to prepare it for fertilization. 00:10:47.730 --> 00:10:48.773 align:center Right. 00:10:49.273 --> 00:10:52.485 align:center I'll try to be quick. Is there lube or anything? 00:10:52.568 --> 00:10:55.988 align:center Well, lube has compounds that affect sperm mobility. 00:10:56.072 --> 00:10:57.907 align:center -So… …yeah. -Oh, right. 00:10:59.450 --> 00:11:00.701 align:center Are you staying? 00:11:00.785 --> 00:11:01.952 align:center Oh, no. 00:11:02.036 --> 00:11:03.663 align:center I was-- I was kidding. 00:11:04.163 --> 00:11:05.915 align:center -Oh. -I was-- I was joking. 00:11:05.998 --> 00:11:08.959 align:center Um, just press the button when you're done. 00:11:09.043 --> 00:11:10.044 align:center Okay. 00:11:22.264 --> 00:11:23.307 align:center Gross. 00:11:25.059 --> 00:11:26.769 align:center Nope. No. 00:11:27.269 --> 00:11:28.270 align:center No. 00:11:30.022 --> 00:11:32.733 align:center So much acne. How am I gonna come to this? 00:11:42.034 --> 00:11:44.328 align:center -Excuse me? -Hm? 00:11:44.412 --> 00:11:47.873 align:center Um, are there any other, like, options? 00:11:47.957 --> 00:11:50.459 align:center Oh, there's gay stuff in there. 00:11:51.335 --> 00:11:55.548 align:center No, I meant, uh… I'm, I'm looking for better quality, 00:11:55.631 --> 00:11:58.759 align:center production, stories, you know, hotter people. 00:12:00.094 --> 00:12:01.345 align:center No. 00:12:01.929 --> 00:12:03.764 align:center Okay. Sorry about that. 00:12:04.765 --> 00:12:07.435 align:center Oh, fuck me! 00:12:07.518 --> 00:12:08.519 align:center Yeah. 00:12:09.311 --> 00:12:10.813 align:center Lick his balls. That's good. 00:12:10.896 --> 00:12:14.191 align:center -Oh, yeah. -Oh my God. So much hair. 00:12:14.692 --> 00:12:17.278 align:center Fuck, I bet it stinks. 00:12:17.361 --> 00:12:19.864 align:center Yeah. Stinky little bitch. 00:12:19.947 --> 00:12:22.491 align:center Yeah, you didn't go to high school, did you? 00:12:28.956 --> 00:12:29.999 align:center Get in there. 00:12:30.082 --> 00:12:32.585 align:center Here we go! 00:12:32.668 --> 00:12:33.836 align:center Hi, Tommy. 00:12:33.919 --> 00:12:36.005 align:center No! Mom! 00:12:36.630 --> 00:12:38.132 align:center -Fuck! Mom! -Tommy? 00:12:38.215 --> 00:12:41.010 align:center -What are you doing? -Hey! 00:12:41.093 --> 00:12:43.345 align:center Oh my gosh, Tommy, what is that? That is disgusting. 00:12:43.429 --> 00:12:44.889 align:center I didn't wanna answer the phone. 00:12:44.972 --> 00:12:47.016 align:center Are you crazy? There is no chance you're showing-- 00:12:47.099 --> 00:12:50.561 align:center I was-- I'm at a fertility clinic. I'm not just having an afternoon jerk. 00:12:50.644 --> 00:12:53.481 align:center This is for a reason. I'm hoping to give you a grandson. 00:12:53.564 --> 00:12:55.691 align:center -I saw your face, Tommy… -Please hang up. 00:12:55.775 --> 00:12:57.860 align:center I saw your face too. Worst moment of my entire life. 00:12:57.943 --> 00:12:58.778 align:center Can you hang up now? 00:12:58.861 --> 00:13:00.946 align:center Who will do that in the middle of the day? 00:13:01.030 --> 00:13:05.034 align:center I keep trying to fucking hit it, but my-- the-- my semen's on the phone. 00:13:05.117 --> 00:13:06.452 align:center What? 00:13:06.535 --> 00:13:08.788 align:center You've ruined this whole thing, okay? 00:13:09.538 --> 00:13:11.582 align:center Yeah, I gotta fucking go. Please hang up now. 00:13:11.665 --> 00:13:13.751 align:center -You are not my son! -Fuck, Mom! 00:13:13.834 --> 00:13:15.377 align:center -Oh my gosh! -No! 'Cause I-- I didn't… 00:13:15.461 --> 00:13:17.046 align:center -You are not my son! -Fuck! 00:13:17.129 --> 00:13:18.923 align:center You are not my son! 00:13:21.258 --> 00:13:22.468 align:center I'll take it. 00:13:23.052 --> 00:13:24.929 align:center Okay? It's okay. 00:13:25.012 --> 00:13:26.680 align:center It's okay. Thanks. 00:13:26.764 --> 00:13:28.015 align:center Thank you. 00:13:28.098 --> 00:13:29.475 align:center Congratulations, Dad. 00:13:30.059 --> 00:13:31.352 align:center -Thanks. -Mm-hmm. 00:13:41.529 --> 00:13:43.155 align:center -Wait, wait, wait. -Mm. 00:13:43.864 --> 00:13:45.533 align:center I'm gonna need that back, actually. 00:13:45.616 --> 00:13:46.659 align:center I-I'm sorry? 00:13:47.326 --> 00:13:49.787 align:center -It's not a good batch. -Oh, is it contaminated? 00:13:50.579 --> 00:13:53.833 align:center Well, yes. I mean, not in the way that you told me it might be, but yes. 00:13:53.916 --> 00:13:55.251 align:center Well, how is it contaminated? 00:13:56.085 --> 00:13:59.755 align:center Well, when I was doing what I was doing in there, at the critical moment, 00:13:59.839 --> 00:14:01.173 align:center my mom called, 00:14:01.257 --> 00:14:04.218 align:center and I saw her face as I was making the deposit. 00:14:05.010 --> 00:14:07.513 align:center Oh, sir. That's not how biology works. 00:14:07.596 --> 00:14:09.306 align:center Yeah, but no, no, no. I know. 00:14:09.390 --> 00:14:11.934 align:center But here's the thing. There's bad energy in there, okay? 00:14:12.017 --> 00:14:14.019 align:center I don't even wanna meet the person that that becomes. 00:14:14.103 --> 00:14:15.563 align:center So I would like it back. 00:14:15.646 --> 00:14:17.273 align:center Okay, that's ridiculous. 00:14:17.356 --> 00:14:20.276 align:center And we don't have time for this. 00:14:20.359 --> 00:14:23.070 align:center It belongs to me, and I would like it back now. 00:14:23.153 --> 00:14:24.196 align:center So give it back to me. 00:14:24.280 --> 00:14:26.198 align:center Sir, this is a medical sample. 00:14:26.282 --> 00:14:27.616 align:center It came from my body. 00:14:27.700 --> 00:14:30.744 align:center Well, your wife is ovulating right now, so it is a medical sample. 00:14:30.828 --> 00:14:32.746 align:center -You're a semen demon. -What?! 00:14:32.830 --> 00:14:34.582 align:center You realize that I came looking at my mother? 00:14:34.665 --> 00:14:36.041 align:center Well, she must be a pretty lady. 00:14:36.125 --> 00:14:37.459 align:center Gross! I want it back. 00:14:37.543 --> 00:14:40.045 align:center -No! No, no! What are you doing? -Yes. 00:14:40.129 --> 00:14:42.506 align:center No! No! No, no, no, no, no, no. 00:14:45.301 --> 00:14:47.303 align:center -Hey! Wh-- -Sorry. 00:14:47.386 --> 00:14:48.304 align:center She stole my cum. 00:14:48.887 --> 00:14:51.056 align:center -She stole my cum cup. -Are you crazy, man? 00:14:53.183 --> 00:14:55.853 align:center -No! No! -Get back here! 00:14:55.936 --> 00:14:57.396 align:center -That's my semen! -Nope! 00:14:57.479 --> 00:14:59.064 align:center Help! Security! 00:14:59.148 --> 00:15:00.190 align:center My God! 00:15:00.274 --> 00:15:02.443 align:center Somebody stop her! Stop her! 00:15:07.781 --> 00:15:08.866 align:center Help! 00:15:24.840 --> 00:15:26.925 align:center Sir, you can't be in here. 00:15:27.009 --> 00:15:30.220 align:center Give me back my cum! 00:15:41.357 --> 00:15:43.233 align:center Hey! Come back! Come back here! 00:15:43.317 --> 00:15:44.318 align:center Oh shit. 00:15:47.696 --> 00:15:49.239 align:center Let go. 00:15:49.323 --> 00:15:51.700 align:center -Give me that semen. -No! No! Give it to me! 00:15:51.784 --> 00:15:53.285 align:center -Asshole! -Give me that! 00:15:56.413 --> 00:15:58.290 align:center Shit. 00:16:13.305 --> 00:16:14.723 align:center Uh-uh. 00:16:24.775 --> 00:16:25.818 align:center No, no, no! 00:16:27.653 --> 00:16:30.072 align:center Fuck. 00:16:43.127 --> 00:16:45.462 align:center -Is everything okay? -Oh, uh… 00:16:45.546 --> 00:16:47.214 align:center I'm so sorry. 00:16:47.297 --> 00:16:49.091 align:center There was a small hiccup, 00:16:49.174 --> 00:16:51.218 align:center but we got everything, and we're good to go. 00:16:54.805 --> 00:16:56.181 align:center Goddamn it. 00:16:57.850 --> 00:16:58.851 align:center Tom? 00:17:07.735 --> 00:17:11.697 align:center I win. 00:17:11.780 --> 00:17:13.615 align:center Tom, what the fuck? 00:17:15.409 --> 00:17:16.410 align:center Ugh. 00:17:17.161 --> 00:17:18.454 align:center You don't like this? 00:17:18.537 --> 00:17:21.206 align:center Dude. Well, I guess we're dog people now. o.