I usually use lube to get in there.
Sorry.
I kid, I kid.
No, you're looking great, Tom. Inside and out.
Thanks. I meant to tell you,
I've been taking those vitamin B supplements you gave me.
-Mm. -Helps with energy in the afternoon.
Oh yeah, I take those myself.
-Take it with a full glass of water. -Okay.
Oh, I meant to tell you. I watched Bad Thoughts.
That is one wild show, man.
Yeah. Thanks, man.
Personally, I thought you were funnier when you were fatter.
But, I mean, it's still really good.
Real good.
I like that episode when you got all frustrated with that rude barista.
So relatable.
Yeah, that was a fun scene, man.
That was fun.
Sometimes, wish I could do that stuff in real life.
What if you could?
What do you mean?
There's a pill.
It's new. It's not 100% FDA approved,
but RFK Jr. and I are buddies from Harvard, so…
You just have those on you?
Not legally.
What do they do?
Completely takes away all of your inhibitions.
All right? So no more impulse control.
Just you being your true, authentic self.
Last night, I told my wife she needs to lose a ton of weight.
I never felt more alive.
Open up that pretty mouth.
Good boy.
-Are you fucking kidding me? -I swear to God.
-No fucking way. -Yes, way.
Oh my God, I'm dead. I'm, like, in the morgue!
I know, right?
-I'm kidding. I'm in the doctor's office. -Oh, you are?
Yeah, I just got back from my Kegel retreat.
-It was insane. -Honestly, I'm jealous.
Yeah, my yoni egg's, like, still up there.
Yes, girl. Love that.
I'm still on fire down there, but in, like, the best way.
Is that why you're at the doctor's?
No, I'm trying to get my fat transferred into my tits.
My mom's best friend did that, and actuall--
Whoo!
You don't need that.
What the--?
What? Fuck you.
You've got to go for it, go for it
Whatcha got to lose?
You've got to go for it, go for it
You've got to go for it...
You fucking entitled fuck! Pick up that! Pick up your fucking shit!
You fuck!
If you want romance
You've got to take that chance
This could be the day
For love to come your way
Whatcha got to lose?
Oh dear!
Are you fucking crazy? You fucking dick!
Shut up.
On the fucking ground!
Don't move!
Do not fucking move!
Drop the weapon!
Drop the weapon now!
Drop that fucking weapon!
Hands where I can see them! Drop the weapon!
Don't move!
Don't fucking move!
I can't believe you're a college freshman.
Dad, you just promise me that you'll get a hobby.
Okay? I don't want you sitting at home all alone.
-Since Mom died, you've been a little… -Honey, don't worry about me.
I'll be fine.
Have fun!
-I love you. -I love you too, sweetie.
Bye.
Just because you're an empty nester doesn't mean you have to be a homebody.
Okay? Go out, meet some friends. Maybe you'll like it.
Huh.
Hey, sweetie, it's Dad.
How's college?
Yeah, I've been having a great time at the house.
I'm trying to get out there. I'm trying new things.
-Your laptop's about to fall out. -Good looking out, bro.
-Wow, those sneakers are cool. -You should cop you some.
I gotta cop some.
I even got some new shoes. They are real neat.
Nice shoes, grandpa.
Freakin' weirdo.
You know, life can be absolutely terrifying,
but I've always believed that everything happens for a reason.
Shoes looking dope as hell.
-Thanks. -Got some friends I want you to meet.
Okay.
-This is the frat house. -Hey, yo.
-Who's the substitute teacher? -Maybe I should go.
No, you're good.
Gamma, Theta, Tau, step!
You all, as young Black men, have the opportunity
to change your lives for the better
and to become a part of a brotherhood.
Yeah!
-My Gamma brothers. -Yeah.
We about to wreck this step like…
How the hell are they doing that?
Practice.
You know what? I came into this thing a little nervous.
But now I'm starting to feel like a real brother.
-So, you gonna pledge? -I think I am.
You wanna see something neat?
Gamma is a place I never expected, but I feel like I belong.
Dad?
Hey, sweetie.
College was my dream. I was supposed to do this, not you.
We've won the Step, Battle, and Stroll Competition
nine years in a row.
And y'all think you got a shot with this white nigga in y'all crew?
Is he talking about me?
I can't get it down. I keep trying, I can't get it.
I'm not gonna compete. I'm not.
Dad, you do magic tricks and love American history.
Honey, step is bigger than both of us.
What the fuck are you talking about?
No, you're not going out like that.
I am going out like that.
-I'm a failure. -Gavin, you my dawg.
But now, we gotta make you a dawg.
-Who's a dawg? -I'm a dawg.
-Who's a dawg? Who's a dawg? -I'm a dawg. I'm a dawg.
We need like, action, stunts.
-Gamma! -You live Gamma.
Gamma!
-You breathe Gamma. -Gamma!
You
are
Gamma!
-It can't go any narrower. -Yes, it can.
He's perfect.
Welcome to Step, Battle, and Stroll dawg!
Your only call is to survive.
Yo, my brothers, you know that I'd rather stroll with you all. Bet.
Someone's gonna bring you guys down. It's gonna be us.
-Good luck with your white boy. -Hey, hold me back.
-Right, family? -Yeah.
-Stop shaking. -Okay.
Gamma, Theta, Tau, Step! With my Gamma brothers!
With my Gamma brothers
Gamma, Theta, Tau, Step!
Loser!
Everything happens for a reason.
You got this, Dad.
It's a fucking bird!
You're my man now, dawg!
Gamma!
Dad.
Gamma!
You were amazing.
Hey, what's up, bud?
What's up, stud?
Your pop's the man.
He really is.
Hey y'all, I wanna say a few words!
Check this shit out.
I ain't came in whole.
I came patched up.
Y'all thought I couldn't move. Now everybody knows what's up.
Thought I could do it all alone. My brotherhood made me bigger.
I was one. Now I'm seven.
My clique got thicker.
We do what we do, looking good, full of vigor.
-Wait, he ain't about to say… -Nah.
These are my people.
Oh God, Dad, please don't say it.
And I...
am their nig--
He had to say it.
He didn't have to say it.
-Have you ever done game night? -I'm good at charades.
-No? -I haven't done it in years.
I would do a game night if… I don't know. If you set it up, I'd do it.
-Oh, okay. I'll keep it in mind. -I'm not against the idea.
All right, well, this is me.
Mr. Fancy. That is a far cry from the old VW bug you used to drive.
-That thing was a real… -Piece of shit?
Well, I didn't want to say it.
-It's okay. It was. -Yeah.
It was so great to see you. I really miss you. I miss our friendship.
Yeah, me too.
Yeah.
It's so crazy we're both single right now. I mean, that never happens.
-One of us is always in a relationship. -Yeah, well. You mostly, but yeah.
That's not true.
The whole year after Peter left me you were with, what's her name?
-Donna, with the neck brace. -Right, neck-brace Donna.
She still has it.
You know, I really wanted to hook up with you in college.
You did?
I…
I didn't know. I wish I had known.
Well, what would you have done?
Probably
something
like… this?
Wow, I cannot believe this is actually happening right--
Wait.
Oh.
Th-- this is incredible.
It's just, um… fast.
And I don't know.
-You don't know? -Yeah, I just-- I need to think about it.
I need to know if this is something that I really want.
Because if we were to do this, then it would be all or nothing, you know?
Yeah, I totally get that.
Okay, thank you.
-Yeah. -I'm gonna--
-Okay. -That's my car.
-Okay, yeah. Have a good night. Yeah. -You too-- Yeah.
Oh God.
What the fuck?
I'm a fucking idiot. I'm such a fucking idiot.
Jesus Christ.
Hi.
Hey!
Open the door.
What?
I want to say something.
Just… Just say it.
Uh... I want to say it in there. It's really important.
-Oh... -It-- it's big.
Just… say what you want to say.
I-- Well, I just, I wanted to tell you--
Okay, well, I-- I just--
This is crazy, but…
I love you.
I always have.
And I want to be with you. I love you, Tom. Let's do this.
That's so cool!
What?
It's so cool that you feel that way.
Okay. Can you just please open the door?
I can't.
What are you--?
Why? Just open the-- Oh my God.
Open the door!
It's raining!
It's fucking pouring.
That's so much rain.
What are you doing?! Let me in!
No, no.
Tom!
Not now.
Now is bad.
I'm not-- Ow! Ow!
Holy shit.
Is that hail?
Those are like golf ball-sized.
-Hey, pretty girl. -Oh my God.
You shouldn't be out here.
Let me in.
Oh my God.
Look at the fucking crackheads.
Are those fucking wolves?
Oh my God!
Oh fuck.
Help!
-Tom! -Oh my-- What the fuck am I doing?
Okay. Okay, get in, get in, get in--
Yeah, no.
What--?
No. Not after that.
What the…? What did I eat?
What the fuck is wrong with you? Let me in.
Trust me.
This is such a bad time.
I have to go.
-I just-- Sorry, I really have to go. -Where--?
-That's my car! -Sorry!
Sorry, sorry. I'm sorry.
-What are you doing?! -I love you too, by the way.
Where are you going?
I'll call you!
Help!
Fuck!
Am I crazy?
Damn it.
Did I overreact? ng?