WEBVTT 00:09.259 --> 00:11.219 The pillows here are great. 00:11.302 --> 00:12.971 I know. I looked them up, 00:13.054 --> 00:16.182 and they're a blend of memory foam and microfiber. 00:16.266 --> 00:19.227 Those pillows? Yeah. I really like the pillows too. 00:19.310 --> 00:21.187 I slept good. 00:21.271 --> 00:22.647 Yeah, I slept very well. 00:22.731 --> 00:24.065 I slept like a homo. 00:25.900 --> 00:29.112 You know, I think I'm gonna get that chicken parm tonight. Mmm-hmm. 00:29.904 --> 00:31.906 I'm sorry, Barry. What did you just say? 00:32.490 --> 00:34.868 Uh, chicken parm. Chicken Parmesan. Hmm. 00:34.951 --> 00:36.995 Yeah, it's an Italian dish. 00:37.579 --> 00:39.330 You slept like what? 00:39.414 --> 00:40.415 Oh, like a homo. 00:40.498 --> 00:42.042 Yeah, it's just an expression. 00:43.084 --> 00:44.210 No, it isn't. 00:44.753 --> 00:45.837 And it's offensive. 00:46.921 --> 00:48.381 It's just something that people say, 00:48.465 --> 00:52.010 you know, like "It takes two to tango" or "It's raining cats and dogs." 00:52.093 --> 00:54.971 Oh. "He runs like a deer," because he's really fast. Yeah. 00:55.055 --> 00:56.306 Those are called idioms. 00:56.389 --> 00:58.641 And that's not like anything you just said. 00:59.267 --> 01:00.226 Yeah, it is. 01:02.896 --> 01:05.982 You know what? My cousin, he went parasailing once, 01:06.066 --> 01:08.068 and he said that if you… 01:08.151 --> 01:10.445 …have to go to the bathroom up there, you just go. 01:10.528 --> 01:12.655 They don't care. Because you can't come down. 01:12.739 --> 01:14.616 It'd make a weird rainbow. 01:14.699 --> 01:15.950 You wouldn't be able to see it. 01:16.034 --> 01:17.827 All right, everybody, let's get started. 01:17.911 --> 01:21.247 We got a really productive and fun-filled weekend ahead of us here. 01:21.331 --> 01:24.459 I got a close-up magician coming in. Guy I met on a plane. 01:24.542 --> 01:26.795 He's gonna have some tricks just blow your mind. 01:26.878 --> 01:28.296 But before we get started, 01:28.379 --> 01:32.675 I unfortunately have some upsetting news. 01:34.344 --> 01:35.261 Barry. 01:36.137 --> 01:38.139 I hate to do this in front of everybody, 01:38.223 --> 01:41.935 but it came to my attention that you said something that was 01:42.560 --> 01:44.771 wildly inappropriate and offensive, 01:44.854 --> 01:46.689 and we need to send you home. 01:47.982 --> 01:49.567 What? What happened? 01:50.693 --> 01:52.654 He said he slept like a homo. 01:52.737 --> 01:54.989 -Homo? -Yeah, I slept like a homo. 01:55.073 --> 01:57.408 -Barry! -Sorry, homosexual. 01:57.992 --> 02:00.995 I just said something that, you know, it's factually correct. 02:01.079 --> 02:03.706 -True. -Barry. That's not a phrase you can say. 02:03.790 --> 02:08.127 Well, but it's true. You know, I was just really tired and I just slept that way. 02:09.212 --> 02:11.798 But it doesn't make any sense. 02:14.008 --> 02:15.635 Okay, well, just think about it. 02:16.302 --> 02:19.305 You know, it's physically exhausting, 02:20.056 --> 02:22.934 pounding or getting pounded in your anus. 02:23.518 --> 02:25.979 That wears you out way more than vaginal sex. 02:26.062 --> 02:29.274 -Barry-- -It's true! There's no doubt about it. 02:29.357 --> 02:30.525 Imagine. 02:30.608 --> 02:33.862 You're getting plumbobbed, real deep and hard. 02:33.945 --> 02:37.282 When your partner is about ready to pull out, it might hurt a lot. 02:37.365 --> 02:39.784 So you've got all this anxiety building up. 02:40.451 --> 02:45.248 And then the relief after they come out of you? 02:45.331 --> 02:48.668 Oh, that release of stress, 02:48.751 --> 02:51.296 that makes you tired, man. 02:51.379 --> 02:54.674 That's exhausting. That's all I'm saying. 02:54.757 --> 02:58.052 Last night, I just got that real good, deep sleep. 02:58.970 --> 03:00.221 Like a gay guy. 03:01.848 --> 03:03.183 Barry… 03:04.184 --> 03:05.435 just go home. 03:14.986 --> 03:16.154 Wait. 03:18.948 --> 03:20.658 I can't let you fire him, Dave. 03:21.242 --> 03:22.160 Why? 03:23.786 --> 03:24.787 Because he's right. 03:26.581 --> 03:28.666 And how would you know that, Phil? 03:29.751 --> 03:30.877 Because I'm gay. 03:31.878 --> 03:33.713 No way. 03:33.796 --> 03:36.841 I am. And every single thing that Barry said is true. 03:37.800 --> 03:40.303 I wondered why you were uninterested in us. 03:40.386 --> 03:43.973 Well, it's really your personality, Mary, but yeah, I'm gay. 03:44.891 --> 03:48.311 Hey, that anal stuff, was he making that up? 03:49.020 --> 03:51.314 No, Butch. The anal stuff's all true. 03:51.397 --> 03:52.482 No shit. 03:52.565 --> 03:54.108 It is so tiring. 03:54.776 --> 03:55.944 Believe me. 03:56.027 --> 03:58.196 And you do sleep way better after. 04:00.114 --> 04:01.616 I've missed work from doing it. 04:02.784 --> 04:05.244 You weren't sick last week. 04:05.328 --> 04:06.537 No, I went to the RNC. 04:07.455 --> 04:09.582 Anal sex doesn't make me tired. 04:09.666 --> 04:11.584 -Was it gay anal? -No. 04:11.668 --> 04:12.752 There you go. 04:13.670 --> 04:14.879 Oh. 04:14.963 --> 04:18.424 Hmm. Phil makes some important points there, right? 04:18.508 --> 04:21.469 I mean, I certainly didn't know that was a true statement. 04:21.552 --> 04:22.428 It is. 04:23.346 --> 04:26.391 In fact, it might be the truest statement I've ever heard. 04:34.774 --> 04:38.319 Certainly feel like I got my exercise jumping to conclusions today. 04:38.403 --> 04:41.281 But, you know, we all learned something today. 04:41.364 --> 04:43.992 And that's why we do these retreats, right? 04:44.909 --> 04:45.785 Barry? 04:46.703 --> 04:49.038 Please, sit back down. 04:53.418 --> 04:54.419 Yeah. 04:56.004 --> 04:58.089 I'm sorry, Barry. I was wrong. 04:58.172 --> 04:59.257 Oh, it's fine. 04:59.340 --> 05:02.218 May all of us sleep like a homo tonight. 05:02.301 --> 05:04.387 -Yeah. -He knows! 05:04.470 --> 05:05.305 Hear, hear! 05:05.930 --> 05:06.806 I do. 05:06.889 --> 05:08.725 Hear, hear! 05:09.434 --> 05:11.978 I'm glad we're past that. Because I have to shit like a Jew. 05:12.854 --> 05:14.897 You're a fucking terrible person. 05:20.945 --> 05:24.866 Health. There are so many things you have to do to master it. 05:24.949 --> 05:26.117 Some people eat right. 05:27.368 --> 05:28.786 Some people do yoga. 05:29.620 --> 05:32.665 And for some people, the only way they can function 05:32.749 --> 05:36.753 is to experience the nonstop laughter with millions of fans, 05:36.836 --> 05:39.964 knowing it could all go away at any moment. 05:46.512 --> 05:47.472 Tom? 05:48.389 --> 05:49.474 Tom? 05:51.684 --> 05:53.895 -Oh, my God. -He's got a gun? 05:54.395 --> 05:55.521 He's got a gun! 05:55.605 --> 05:58.358 Oh, my God. 05:58.441 --> 05:59.650 Hold on… 05:59.734 --> 06:00.818 No, no, no, no! 06:00.902 --> 06:02.612 -Tom. -Put the gun down. 06:04.322 --> 06:05.823 Tom, don't do it! 06:09.619 --> 06:10.661 Hello? 06:12.038 --> 06:13.247 My show got renewed. 06:15.124 --> 06:17.752 We each approach being healthy in unique ways. 06:17.835 --> 06:21.839 But some of us are given genetic gifts the rest of us could only dream about. 06:22.507 --> 06:24.258 But what if you could have it all? 06:27.303 --> 06:29.806 Heart muscle can become excessively thick. 06:30.431 --> 06:32.100 Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy 06:32.183 --> 06:35.436 can lead to some very serious complications 06:35.520 --> 06:38.564 like atrial fibrillation, which is… 06:38.648 --> 06:40.733 -Start your fitness journey today. -Hold on. 06:42.276 --> 06:46.447 I, um… Uh, I was gonna try to join a gym. 06:46.531 --> 06:49.325 Show us your abs. 06:49.409 --> 06:50.952 You're all dismissed. 06:51.035 --> 06:52.912 You guys have a good week, okay? 06:54.122 --> 06:55.456 It's gonna take more than a gym. 06:56.040 --> 06:57.834 Okay, great. Thank you very much. 07:07.301 --> 07:10.179 End of the night, there were 15 people in the hot tub. 07:10.847 --> 07:12.974 Anyway… Hey, can I help you? 07:13.850 --> 07:14.892 This is the gym? 07:17.353 --> 07:20.731 Sorry. I went on the website just filling out a thing. 07:20.815 --> 07:21.732 Mr. Hale. 07:21.816 --> 07:24.026 -Yes? -I got you down for a 3:15 tour. 07:24.110 --> 07:25.695 This is our membership pamphlet. 07:25.778 --> 07:29.031 It's got all the rules, regulations. You're gonna wanna read that. 07:29.115 --> 07:31.200 -Okay? -Yeah. I just… 07:31.284 --> 07:33.911 always find a way to talk myself out of these things. 07:33.995 --> 07:35.705 Well, not today, my friend. 07:35.788 --> 07:37.874 Listen, let's get your signature on that. 07:37.957 --> 07:40.334 It's a one-year commitment, but try not to think of it 07:40.418 --> 07:43.212 as a commitment to a gym, but a commitment to yourself. 07:43.296 --> 07:44.380 You know what I mean? 07:51.179 --> 07:52.054 Bro. 07:53.055 --> 07:54.640 -Hmm? -You good? 07:56.392 --> 07:58.144 Yeah. Yes. 07:59.520 --> 08:01.230 All right. Welcome to the party. 08:01.314 --> 08:03.232 Get you your pre-workout shot. 08:03.900 --> 08:05.693 Oh, I'm good. 08:05.776 --> 08:07.320 Take the shot. 08:09.489 --> 08:10.781 Grip and dip it. 08:12.033 --> 08:15.495 Mmm-mmm-mmm. All right. 08:15.578 --> 08:16.996 Day one of the new you. 08:17.663 --> 08:22.043 You've got your rowers, runners, ergs. You got your assault bikes. 08:22.585 --> 08:23.878 One more, Eduardo. 08:23.961 --> 08:25.546 I'm just fucking with you, man. 08:25.630 --> 08:26.839 We got new high bars. 08:27.423 --> 08:29.383 Yeah, great form, man. Keep it up. 08:29.467 --> 08:31.385 And this is the locker room. 08:31.469 --> 08:33.304 Just take any one that's free. 08:33.387 --> 08:34.305 Okay, cool. 08:34.388 --> 08:35.890 So how did you hear about us? 08:35.973 --> 08:38.309 I was actually on a Reddit thread and… 08:38.392 --> 08:40.102 -What's up, man? -Good to see you. 08:42.355 --> 08:43.773 People were, uh… 08:46.025 --> 08:47.360 They were raving about it. 08:47.443 --> 08:49.111 Yeah, our fans, they go hard. 08:49.195 --> 08:50.696 Yeah. It… 08:51.364 --> 08:52.865 Yeah. He's a good guy. 08:52.949 --> 08:54.116 Well, showers through there. 08:54.200 --> 08:56.702 You got any questions, I'll be out front. You're gonna love it. 08:56.786 --> 08:57.954 Let's get hardcore. 08:58.037 --> 08:59.121 Let's do it. 09:37.535 --> 09:39.245 Here, here. I got you, bro. 09:40.121 --> 09:41.831 Dude, what the fuck? 09:43.207 --> 09:44.292 I was good. 09:44.375 --> 09:45.710 I was just trying to help. 09:45.793 --> 09:47.545 That's a weird, weird way you help. 09:47.628 --> 09:48.838 -Weird? -Yeah. 09:48.921 --> 09:50.756 You didn't think that was weird? 09:50.840 --> 09:52.800 -I'm sorry. -Everything good, bro? 09:54.468 --> 09:55.469 You know… 09:56.387 --> 09:58.806 I just… I don't think I fit in here, okay? 10:01.934 --> 10:05.229 You guys do your own… whatever that was. 10:16.782 --> 10:17.950 What the fuck? 10:20.202 --> 10:21.370 Nice hammer! 10:21.954 --> 10:23.205 -Thanks. -First day? 10:24.582 --> 10:25.583 -Yeah. -Yeah. 10:25.666 --> 10:27.251 First day is the craziest. 10:28.961 --> 10:29.920 How? 10:30.004 --> 10:33.591 Well, either your dad's Secretariat or you took something. 10:34.925 --> 10:35.926 The shot. 10:37.345 --> 10:39.680 -What was that? -Yeah. I don't know. 10:39.764 --> 10:40.973 But it does that. 10:49.190 --> 10:51.025 Dude! Welcome back. 11:02.119 --> 11:03.496 What's up, Chief? 11:18.469 --> 11:19.637 Oh, my God. 11:20.846 --> 11:21.764 My man. 11:24.558 --> 11:27.561 And in the words of the great Jonas Salk, 11:28.104 --> 11:33.401 "The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more." 11:36.278 --> 11:38.072 Yes! Yes! 11:38.155 --> 11:39.448 Yes! Yes! 11:41.534 --> 11:43.619 Whoa. You satisfy me in every way. 11:47.498 --> 11:48.791 Ah! 11:54.171 --> 11:55.005 Oh! 11:55.089 --> 11:58.342 Oh, yes! Yes! Ow! Ow! 11:58.426 --> 12:00.010 -Stop. -Wha… Wha… 12:00.094 --> 12:01.470 -What happened? -Oh! 12:01.554 --> 12:03.681 I guess my eyes were bigger than my pussy. 12:03.764 --> 12:06.642 Fucking dickzilla trying to split me in half. 12:06.726 --> 12:07.727 No, thanks. 12:26.287 --> 12:28.205 In all my years of teaching, 12:28.289 --> 12:32.376 I've never had a less impressive group of students. 12:32.460 --> 12:36.213 It's not like you're gonna end up being doctors, you know? 12:36.297 --> 12:38.466 -You're just gonna end up-- -Come on. 12:38.549 --> 12:41.719 Wait, I'm teaching a class. These are my students. 12:45.264 --> 12:47.141 Hey, what's up, Chief? 13:36.815 --> 13:38.150 Hey, what's up, man? 13:40.528 --> 13:41.737 Look at this shit. 13:41.820 --> 13:43.447 Oh, is it too much? 13:45.324 --> 13:46.367 I'd say so! 13:46.909 --> 13:48.452 Well, you kept taking the shots. 13:49.245 --> 13:50.663 I thought I was supposed to. 13:50.746 --> 13:53.165 -You read the pamphlet. -Pamphlet? 13:53.249 --> 13:55.876 Yeah. Day One pamphlet. Explains what can happen. 13:56.544 --> 14:00.297 You don't think maybe this deserves more than a pamphlet? 14:00.381 --> 14:01.882 We can fix it. We can fix it. 14:01.966 --> 14:03.801 All right? Just calm down. 14:05.636 --> 14:07.012 You go to the back hallway. 14:07.596 --> 14:10.057 There's a door marked "Staff." Okay? 14:10.140 --> 14:11.475 They can help you. 14:13.561 --> 14:14.812 Best of luck. 14:46.844 --> 14:48.304 They said you could fix this. 14:56.562 --> 14:57.688 Very funny. 14:58.897 --> 15:00.357 Oh, you're not gonna laugh. 15:01.066 --> 15:02.735 You want me to hack my dick off? 15:02.818 --> 15:05.154 No. You want to hack your dick off. 15:06.030 --> 15:07.740 I'm giving you the tool to do it. 15:07.823 --> 15:09.325 What kind of solution is that? 15:10.326 --> 15:12.161 How many shots did you take? 15:14.246 --> 15:16.415 -Maybe 20. -God damn! 15:17.333 --> 15:21.086 You took maybe 20 shots to make your wee-wee grow, 15:21.170 --> 15:23.213 and now it's too much, so you want it to go away. 15:23.923 --> 15:26.008 How do you think that happens, mmm? 15:26.091 --> 15:29.219 Does it, you know, look normal after that? 15:29.303 --> 15:32.222 Hell no! Looks like somebody hacked your dick off. 15:32.306 --> 15:33.641 Then I don't wanna do it. 15:33.724 --> 15:34.934 Okay. 15:39.063 --> 15:40.689 Wait, wait. 15:41.440 --> 15:42.775 Have other people done it? 15:49.949 --> 15:51.075 There's so many dicks. 15:58.248 --> 15:59.208 Do it, man. 16:11.303 --> 16:12.388 Do it now. 16:15.182 --> 16:16.642 Do it. Come on. 16:16.725 --> 16:18.268 What are you waiting for? 16:18.852 --> 16:20.229 Cut it off. 16:34.326 --> 16:36.245 Talk myself out of these things. 16:36.328 --> 16:39.665 Talk myself out of these things. Talk myself out of these things. 16:39.748 --> 16:42.251 Always find a way to talk myself out of these things. 16:47.715 --> 16:48.590 Bro. 16:49.591 --> 16:50.592 Huh? 16:51.719 --> 16:52.761 You good? 16:55.222 --> 16:56.765 Fuck yes, dude! 16:57.808 --> 16:59.059 All right. 17:02.229 --> 17:03.605 Ah, thirsty boy. 17:03.689 --> 17:06.483 Mmm-hmm. Let's get this shit started. f these things.