WEBVTT

00:00:08.883 --> 00:00:10.260 align:center
Oh, come on, sir.

00:00:11.469 --> 00:00:13.722 align:center
-Where's my slice?
-Sorry, Cyrus. All out.

00:00:43.918 --> 00:00:45.420 align:center
Oh, my God.

00:00:48.089 --> 00:00:49.507 align:center
Stay away from me.

00:00:51.259 --> 00:00:52.302 align:center
Saint Mary's?

00:00:53.762 --> 00:00:55.346 align:center
Is that where you're coming from?

00:00:56.431 --> 00:00:59.350 align:center
-What's happening outside?
-It's a good hospital.

00:01:03.354 --> 00:01:05.648 align:center
You probably went under
when most people did.

00:01:06.858 --> 00:01:08.610 align:center
Shit started to go wild.

00:01:09.652 --> 00:01:13.615 align:center
Computers crashed,
then the aliens showed up.

00:01:13.698 --> 00:01:15.075 align:center
-Wh-- What?
-Yeah.

00:01:15.158 --> 00:01:16.868 align:center
The whole world's gone to shit.

00:01:17.660 --> 00:01:19.746 align:center
Aliens out there…

00:01:19.829 --> 00:01:21.539 align:center
…forcing people.

00:01:23.291 --> 00:01:24.834 align:center
Having their way with them.

00:01:26.169 --> 00:01:27.378 align:center
Sexually.

00:01:28.213 --> 00:01:29.255 align:center
Sexually?

00:01:30.924 --> 00:01:32.133 align:center
I don't understand.

00:01:33.426 --> 00:01:34.469 align:center
What's your name?

00:01:35.428 --> 00:01:37.680 align:center
-I'm… I'm Evan.
-Evan.

00:01:39.057 --> 00:01:40.058 align:center
That's a nice name.

00:01:40.809 --> 00:01:42.310 align:center
I'm Roger. Come on.

00:01:43.061 --> 00:01:44.312 align:center
I got you.

00:01:49.359 --> 00:01:50.568 align:center
You'll be all right.

00:01:56.324 --> 00:01:57.951 align:center
I gotta get out of here, man.

00:01:59.077 --> 00:02:00.870 align:center
You're lucky you found this place.

00:02:00.954 --> 00:02:02.747 align:center
We're safe in here.

00:02:02.831 --> 00:02:04.332 align:center
How long have you been here?

00:02:06.876 --> 00:02:08.336 align:center
A long time.

00:02:09.379 --> 00:02:10.588 align:center
You haven't tried to leave?

00:02:13.925 --> 00:02:16.511 align:center
-There's only one way to get out of here.
-What?

00:02:17.637 --> 00:02:18.888 align:center
What is it?

00:02:20.223 --> 00:02:21.516 align:center
You're not gonna like it.

00:02:22.809 --> 00:02:25.645 align:center
I don't care if I don't like it, man.

00:02:25.728 --> 00:02:27.063 align:center
Just tell me.

00:02:30.024 --> 00:02:32.527 align:center
I saw some people do it
when I first got here.

00:02:34.362 --> 00:02:35.822 align:center
It was horrible.

00:02:36.656 --> 00:02:38.199 align:center
You saw it and it worked?

00:02:39.159 --> 00:02:40.702 align:center
Why haven't you tried?

00:02:42.287 --> 00:02:43.663 align:center
You need two people.

00:02:44.455 --> 00:02:46.624 align:center
They both have to be committed.

00:02:46.708 --> 00:02:48.126 align:center
That's good.

00:02:48.209 --> 00:02:49.294 align:center
All right.

00:02:49.377 --> 00:02:52.088 align:center
We're two people, and we're committed.

00:02:53.339 --> 00:02:54.883 align:center
Just tell me what it is.

00:02:56.759 --> 00:02:57.760 align:center
Okay.

00:02:58.553 --> 00:03:00.555 align:center
You see that toilet over there?

00:03:02.891 --> 00:03:03.892 align:center
Yeah.

00:03:04.434 --> 00:03:06.227 align:center
I'm gonna sit on that toilet.

00:03:06.311 --> 00:03:07.937 align:center
And when I do,

00:03:08.813 --> 00:03:11.399 align:center
there will be a gap between my legs.

00:03:11.482 --> 00:03:14.611 align:center
You're gonna come over there
and you're gonna sit in that gap.

00:03:15.612 --> 00:03:18.781 align:center
And listen, this is where it gets odd.

00:03:18.865 --> 00:03:21.659 align:center
We both have to shit at the same time.

00:03:22.952 --> 00:03:24.579 align:center
And if we can do that,

00:03:25.246 --> 00:03:26.247 align:center
a portal

00:03:27.707 --> 00:03:29.792 align:center
will open on that wall

00:03:30.376 --> 00:03:32.128 align:center
and we can leave this madness.

00:03:33.546 --> 00:03:35.673 align:center
How could you fuck with me like that, man?

00:03:35.757 --> 00:03:37.800 align:center
I'm not fucking with you.

00:03:37.884 --> 00:03:40.845 align:center
Sit on a toilet with you
and shit at the same time?

00:03:41.930 --> 00:03:43.389 align:center
-It works.
-Yeah.

00:03:44.224 --> 00:03:46.309 align:center
Yeah, you're a fucking lunatic, man.

00:03:46.392 --> 00:03:47.936 align:center
I'm fucking out of here.

00:03:50.730 --> 00:03:52.023 align:center
I wouldn't do that.

00:03:59.280 --> 00:04:02.158 align:center
I just went in to have
my appendix removed.

00:04:05.912 --> 00:04:07.288 align:center
You see this wall?

00:04:08.331 --> 00:04:11.459 align:center
This is the portal that opens some…

00:04:12.502 --> 00:04:16.381 align:center
interdimensional alien something. I…

00:04:17.924 --> 00:04:19.050 align:center
I've seen it.

00:04:21.177 --> 00:04:22.303 align:center
It works.

00:04:26.140 --> 00:04:27.892 align:center
This is insane, man.

00:04:28.434 --> 00:04:30.895 align:center
So I'm just gonna sit back

00:04:30.979 --> 00:04:33.731 align:center
so the gap is big enough for you there.

00:04:35.525 --> 00:04:37.277 align:center
And then we're gonna shit together?

00:04:37.360 --> 00:04:38.945 align:center
Take a look around, man.

00:04:39.737 --> 00:04:44.200 align:center
You fell asleep in the hospital
and woke up in a goddamn alien apocalypse.

00:04:45.034 --> 00:04:48.496 align:center
Machines fighting aliens,
aliens fucking humans.

00:04:49.622 --> 00:04:52.000 align:center
Is this really the craziest thing
happening these days?

00:04:53.918 --> 00:04:56.754 align:center
-They're fucking humans?
-Uh…

00:04:56.838 --> 00:04:58.673 align:center
Maybe you'd be a little more comfortable

00:04:58.756 --> 00:05:01.718 align:center
if you just kind of
faced out the other way.

00:05:02.385 --> 00:05:03.386 align:center
Turn around.

00:05:03.469 --> 00:05:05.430 align:center
-Yeah.
-Yeah, okay.

00:05:06.139 --> 00:05:07.140 align:center
Yeah.

00:05:08.266 --> 00:05:10.059 align:center
All right.

00:05:10.143 --> 00:05:11.853 align:center
Now we just need to focus.

00:05:12.937 --> 00:05:14.480 align:center
Here we go, Roger.

00:05:14.564 --> 00:05:15.773 align:center
Here we go.

00:05:23.906 --> 00:05:26.576 align:center
I shit.

00:05:26.659 --> 00:05:29.996 align:center
I did it, but, uh, nothing's happening.

00:05:32.081 --> 00:05:33.207 align:center
Evan, I…

00:05:34.375 --> 00:05:35.626 align:center
I didn't go.

00:05:36.419 --> 00:05:39.047 align:center
What? You… You didn't? But…

00:05:39.130 --> 00:05:40.423 align:center
I guess I wasn't ready.

00:05:41.382 --> 00:05:42.967 align:center
Do you maybe have another one in you?

00:05:43.551 --> 00:05:46.512 align:center
Another one? I don't know, man.

00:05:46.596 --> 00:05:48.931 align:center
Hold on.

00:05:49.015 --> 00:05:50.808 align:center
-Oh, maybe a little one.
-Ah.

00:05:50.892 --> 00:05:53.061 align:center
-That's enough.
-Okay.

00:05:53.144 --> 00:05:54.979 align:center
All right. Here it goes. You ready?

00:05:55.938 --> 00:05:57.565 align:center
-You bet.
-Yeah, okay.

00:05:58.232 --> 00:06:01.944 align:center
Okay, here it goes. Here it…

00:06:09.160 --> 00:06:10.244 align:center
I did it.

00:06:10.787 --> 00:06:11.913 align:center
I shit!

00:06:11.996 --> 00:06:13.039 align:center
Oh, my God!

00:06:13.122 --> 00:06:15.541 align:center
Did you shit too?

00:06:17.126 --> 00:06:18.461 align:center
You know what?

00:06:19.504 --> 00:06:20.421 align:center
I didn't.

00:06:22.340 --> 00:06:23.800 align:center
You didn't go?

00:06:24.550 --> 00:06:27.929 align:center
Then why did I just shit
between your legs?

00:06:30.223 --> 00:06:32.225 align:center
So I can come, baby.

00:06:52.203 --> 00:06:53.579 align:center
What do you think?

00:06:54.205 --> 00:06:55.456 align:center
I love it.

00:06:55.540 --> 00:06:57.625 align:center
All right! Nice!

00:06:57.708 --> 00:06:58.835 align:center
-We'll take it.
-Great.

00:06:58.918 --> 00:06:59.919 align:center
-He's a good kid.
-Yeah.

00:07:00.002 --> 00:07:01.337 align:center
How'd you trick him?

00:07:01.421 --> 00:07:03.089 align:center
I made him shit.

00:07:03.172 --> 00:07:04.173 align:center
You did?

00:07:04.257 --> 00:07:05.675 align:center
-That's very clever.
-Is it?

00:07:05.758 --> 00:07:07.385 align:center
Yeah. That is very clever.

00:07:07.969 --> 00:07:09.554 align:center
Do you want the neuron adapter?

00:07:09.637 --> 00:07:11.389 align:center
It shocks you when the alien comes.

00:07:11.472 --> 00:07:13.057 align:center
Buddy, what do you think?

00:07:13.141 --> 00:07:14.308 align:center
-Yeah!
-Yeah, let's go for it.

00:07:14.392 --> 00:07:15.435 align:center
All right.

00:07:15.518 --> 00:07:18.271 align:center
Some people say it hurts,
but I think it adds to the experience.

00:07:23.151 --> 00:07:24.819 align:center
Success is tough.

00:07:24.902 --> 00:07:26.362 align:center
Some people define success

00:07:26.445 --> 00:07:29.073 align:center
as spending quality time
with the people they love.

00:07:29.157 --> 00:07:32.452 align:center
I think we can all agree
that those people are losers.

00:07:33.536 --> 00:07:36.372 align:center
Success means different things
to different people.

00:07:36.455 --> 00:07:38.583 align:center
To this person, it's gaining followers.

00:07:38.666 --> 00:07:42.378 align:center
To this guy, success means spreading
conspiracy theories on the Internet.

00:07:42.462 --> 00:07:44.755 align:center
I'm a 20-year-old African American woman,

00:07:44.839 --> 00:07:47.717 align:center
and the measles vaccine
caused my hair to fall out.

00:07:47.800 --> 00:07:50.595 align:center
And to this man,
it means going to the bathroom

00:07:50.678 --> 00:07:52.597 align:center
without filling up the entire toilet

00:07:52.680 --> 00:07:53.556 align:center
with blood.

00:07:54.265 --> 00:07:55.433 align:center
Not today.

00:07:56.767 --> 00:07:59.061 align:center
What does success mean to you?

00:08:04.567 --> 00:08:08.529 align:center
He's one of the most
successful actors to grace the screen.

00:08:08.613 --> 00:08:12.658 align:center
He's punched, he's kicked,
he's flipped countless bad guys.

00:08:12.742 --> 00:08:15.495 align:center
Didn't your mother teach you
not to stay out after dark?

00:08:17.496 --> 00:08:20.625 align:center
Now we are behind the scenes
on the super-secret set

00:08:20.708 --> 00:08:24.212 align:center
of the new high-octane thriller
Maximum Kickage.

00:08:24.295 --> 00:08:27.340 align:center
Starring the man, the myth,
the legend himself,

00:08:27.423 --> 00:08:29.091 align:center
Steven Seagal.

00:08:29.175 --> 00:08:31.260 align:center
Steven, you look great.

00:08:31.844 --> 00:08:33.471 align:center
Yeah.

00:08:34.639 --> 00:08:37.516 align:center
In the film, you play Drake Kicking,

00:08:37.600 --> 00:08:42.230 align:center
an American sent to Russia
to expose corrupt FBI agents

00:08:42.313 --> 00:08:44.941 align:center
who are running
a fentanyl and kiddie porn ring.

00:08:45.024 --> 00:08:47.777 align:center
Also, I dismantle nuclear bombs.

00:08:47.860 --> 00:08:49.403 align:center
Also, I'm a doctor.

00:08:49.487 --> 00:08:51.239 align:center
Also, I make love to many beautiful women.

00:08:52.156 --> 00:08:53.407 align:center
Sort of like you.

00:08:54.450 --> 00:08:55.368 align:center
Yeah.

00:08:56.160 --> 00:08:58.412 align:center
Like any great Steven Seagal movie,

00:08:58.496 --> 00:09:01.749 align:center
the audience can expect
heart-pounding fight scenes.

00:09:03.834 --> 00:09:06.087 align:center
I do karate on a helicopter.

00:09:06.170 --> 00:09:08.798 align:center
I do kung-fu on a speeding motorcycle.

00:09:08.881 --> 00:09:10.132 align:center
I do all my own shit.

00:09:10.216 --> 00:09:11.717 align:center
Not like that pussy, Tom Cruise.

00:09:11.801 --> 00:09:12.927 align:center
Open up.

00:09:14.136 --> 00:09:15.054 align:center
That was your fault.

00:09:15.137 --> 00:09:17.056 align:center
Isn't it dangerous
to do stunts practically?

00:09:17.139 --> 00:09:18.724 align:center
-If you're a bitch.
-Right.

00:09:18.808 --> 00:09:20.101 align:center
Van Damme is a bitch.

00:09:20.977 --> 00:09:21.978 align:center
Wesley Snipes is a bitch.

00:09:22.061 --> 00:09:23.354 align:center
Daniel Craig's a bitch.

00:09:23.437 --> 00:09:25.189 align:center
-So how do you--
-Jason Statham's a bitch.

00:09:25.273 --> 00:09:26.857 align:center
-Oh.
-Tom Cruise. Did I say him?

00:09:26.941 --> 00:09:28.734 align:center
-You did.
-He's a double bitch.

00:09:30.569 --> 00:09:32.446 align:center
What's it like shooting a movie in Russia?

00:09:32.530 --> 00:09:33.614 align:center
The greatest. The greatest.

00:09:33.698 --> 00:09:35.658 align:center
My good friend Vladimir Putin

00:09:35.741 --> 00:09:37.702 align:center
was very excited.

00:09:37.785 --> 00:09:39.870 align:center
This has been a dream come true.

00:09:40.413 --> 00:09:42.665 align:center
-Y'all supposed to be FBI?
-Mm-hmm.

00:09:43.374 --> 00:09:45.751 align:center
You're fittin' to be FB bye-bye.

00:09:51.424 --> 00:09:54.969 align:center
Hi. I'm James Gonzalez,
and I play FBI Villain One. Yeah.

00:09:55.052 --> 00:09:56.721 align:center
-You'll pay for this.
-Yeah.

00:09:58.055 --> 00:10:00.725 align:center
-Uh, cut.
-What the fuck, Steven?

00:10:00.808 --> 00:10:03.477 align:center
I'm Ericka.
I play the Head of Special Forces,

00:10:03.561 --> 00:10:08.107 align:center
and working with Steven
has been an incredible experience.

00:10:08.190 --> 00:10:10.776 align:center
Um, I can't speak highly--

00:10:21.329 --> 00:10:22.330 align:center
Um…

00:10:25.750 --> 00:10:27.043 align:center
Oh, uh…

00:10:31.464 --> 00:10:33.382 align:center
Um…

00:10:34.634 --> 00:10:36.636 align:center
Sugar, this ain't nothing but a nuke.

00:10:36.719 --> 00:10:37.970 align:center
Cut the black wire.

00:10:38.054 --> 00:10:41.015 align:center
From what I hear,
you don't always stick to the script.

00:10:41.098 --> 00:10:43.100 align:center
Well, I am the king of improv.

00:10:43.184 --> 00:10:47.313 align:center
In my 30 years on Special Forces,
I've never seen anyone as brave as you.

00:10:47.396 --> 00:10:50.274 align:center
-Shut up and kiss me.
-What? Um…

00:10:50.358 --> 00:10:51.901 align:center
Um…

00:10:51.984 --> 00:10:53.527 align:center
I've gotta… The bomb's ticking out.

00:10:54.779 --> 00:10:55.780 align:center
Um, no.

00:10:55.863 --> 00:10:57.239 align:center
What are we doing here?

00:10:57.740 --> 00:11:02.453 align:center
In my 30 years on Special Forces,
I've never seen anyone as brave as you.

00:11:02.536 --> 00:11:03.621 align:center
Shut up and kiss me.

00:11:13.339 --> 00:11:15.716 align:center
Like I said, I am the king of improv.

00:11:15.800 --> 00:11:18.302 align:center
You do have a way with words.

00:11:21.806 --> 00:11:24.183 align:center
-Fuck, fuck, fuck…
-Do we need to cut?

00:11:24.266 --> 00:11:26.602 align:center
No, baby. These are my investors.

00:11:26.685 --> 00:11:29.021 align:center
What's up?

00:11:29.105 --> 00:11:30.856 align:center
Hey, what a surprise.

00:11:34.026 --> 00:11:36.529 align:center
Nyet? All right.
Well, this is gonna be a classic.

00:11:36.612 --> 00:11:37.863 align:center
It's got fights.

00:11:37.947 --> 00:11:38.948 align:center
Hardcore sex…

00:11:39.031 --> 00:11:41.575 align:center
We've seen the dailies,
this is a garbage movie.

00:11:41.659 --> 00:11:43.661 align:center
We only got one more scene. That's it.

00:11:43.744 --> 00:11:44.829 align:center
You're gonna love it.

00:11:44.912 --> 00:11:47.039 align:center
You idiot, you owe us $80 million.

00:11:47.123 --> 00:11:48.874 align:center
Oleg, remove his testicles.

00:11:48.958 --> 00:11:51.043 align:center
Hey, hey, no, listen, y'all.

00:11:51.127 --> 00:11:53.504 align:center
Just give old Stevie one more shot.

00:11:53.587 --> 00:11:56.006 align:center
It's going to be a beautiful scene.
Come watch.

00:11:56.090 --> 00:11:57.550 align:center
Let me do my magic.

00:11:58.300 --> 00:11:59.760 align:center
Let me keep my testicles.

00:11:59.844 --> 00:12:01.929 align:center
Fine, let's see this scene.

00:12:02.012 --> 00:12:03.055 align:center
Thank you.

00:12:06.934 --> 00:12:08.018 align:center
Roll, mark.

00:12:08.102 --> 00:12:10.646 align:center
Here we go. Ready and action!

00:12:10.730 --> 00:12:13.566 align:center
America says it's tax time.

00:12:15.484 --> 00:12:16.527 align:center
Ah!

00:12:16.610 --> 00:12:19.822 align:center
You know, I could kill you
very easily right now.

00:12:19.905 --> 00:12:23.117 align:center
But I know you'll be
waiting for me in hell.

00:12:26.912 --> 00:12:28.831 align:center
Fuck it.

00:12:32.710 --> 00:12:34.128 align:center
I'm dyin'.

00:12:34.211 --> 00:12:36.672 align:center
I'm bleeding and I'm dying.
Look at me die, everybody.

00:12:36.756 --> 00:12:37.673 align:center
Dumbass.

00:12:39.508 --> 00:12:40.509 align:center
Cut.

00:12:41.302 --> 00:12:44.263 align:center
Camera down! I said camera down!

00:12:44.346 --> 00:12:46.766 align:center
That was the best acting
I've ever seen me do.

00:12:46.849 --> 00:12:48.934 align:center
We have enough to finish the film.

00:12:49.018 --> 00:12:51.687 align:center
Wait. It ain't got to be like this. Wait!

00:12:54.273 --> 00:12:55.691 align:center
PLEASE WAIT

00:12:56.275 --> 00:13:02.531 align:center
Maximum Kickage coming to hotel rooms
and Russian annexed territories this fall.

00:13:04.408 --> 00:13:06.202 align:center
Yeah. I just want to go home, man.

00:13:11.123 --> 00:13:12.416 align:center
Hey, hen hounds,

00:13:12.500 --> 00:13:14.877 align:center
it's your favorite country
global superstar, Rex Henley.

00:13:14.960 --> 00:13:17.129 align:center
I've been seeing the comments
y'all have been leaving

00:13:17.213 --> 00:13:21.759 align:center
on my social media platforms
and I've been hearing the jokes on TV.

00:13:21.842 --> 00:13:24.303 align:center
Country singer, Rex Henley,
has a new single.

00:13:24.386 --> 00:13:26.514 align:center
It's called, and I'm not making this up,

00:13:26.597 --> 00:13:28.307 align:center
Rich Guy Advice.

00:13:28.390 --> 00:13:31.101 align:center
That's the actual the title of the album.

00:13:31.185 --> 00:13:33.354 align:center
Rex Henley is a fucking weirdo.

00:13:33.437 --> 00:13:36.148 align:center
This is the guy who used
to write heartfelt American songs

00:13:36.232 --> 00:13:37.650 align:center
about his '65 Chevy.

00:13:37.733 --> 00:13:39.568 align:center
Now he's doing this?

00:13:39.652 --> 00:13:42.279 align:center
I get it. Maybe I got too many fancy cars.

00:13:43.447 --> 00:13:44.782 align:center
Planes and…

00:13:44.865 --> 00:13:46.617 align:center
drink too many iced macchiatos.

00:13:46.700 --> 00:13:48.786 align:center
Rex, here's some rich-guy advice for you.

00:13:48.869 --> 00:13:50.996 align:center
Stop making music, please.

00:13:51.080 --> 00:13:53.958 align:center
I'mma make a promise to y'all.

00:13:54.041 --> 00:13:57.294 align:center
The next time you hear a Rex Henley song,

00:13:58.128 --> 00:13:59.630 align:center
you're gonna get touched

00:14:00.548 --> 00:14:02.758 align:center
in a way you've never been touched before.

00:14:04.134 --> 00:14:05.219 align:center
And I like that.

00:14:07.096 --> 00:14:08.681 align:center
I really like that.

00:14:18.357 --> 00:14:20.317 align:center
Run faster. Where are you?

00:14:20.943 --> 00:14:22.903 align:center
Hey, come here! Hurry up!

00:14:23.779 --> 00:14:25.698 align:center
Hey! What are you doing?

00:14:25.781 --> 00:14:29.702 align:center
No, sir, oh, please, sir.
I was just trying to tie my shoe.

00:14:29.785 --> 00:14:30.995 align:center
You bastard!

00:14:32.037 --> 00:14:34.123 align:center
It's here, hurry up!

00:14:44.633 --> 00:14:46.635 align:center
Move, quick!

00:14:47.261 --> 00:14:49.221 align:center
Move, quickly!

00:14:51.265 --> 00:14:53.517 align:center
Oh, my God. Oh. Please don't hurt me.

00:14:53.601 --> 00:14:55.352 align:center
No one's gonna hurt you.

00:14:56.854 --> 00:14:58.272 align:center
Where am I?

00:14:58.355 --> 00:15:02.276 align:center
The last thing I remember
was being at a concert, I think?

00:15:02.359 --> 00:15:04.486 align:center
Yeah, we were all at a fucking concert.

00:15:09.658 --> 00:15:10.951 align:center
Here we go.

00:15:18.918 --> 00:15:20.753 align:center
Don't even think about runnin'.

00:15:21.545 --> 00:15:24.632 align:center
Big trucks, cold beer

00:15:25.507 --> 00:15:28.886 align:center
Stars and stripes
Still fly around here

00:15:28.969 --> 00:15:31.221 align:center
He's coming.

00:15:32.681 --> 00:15:34.558 align:center
He's coming.

00:15:35.517 --> 00:15:37.853 align:center
What the fuck?

00:15:38.687 --> 00:15:42.024 align:center
Country music and kickin' ass, yeah!

00:15:58.332 --> 00:16:00.209 align:center
Just keep clapping.

00:16:18.477 --> 00:16:19.311 align:center
All right!

00:16:19.895 --> 00:16:21.397 align:center
Is that Rex Henley?

00:16:21.480 --> 00:16:25.567 align:center
Whoo! All right, you guys ready
for an unplugged sesh?

00:16:25.651 --> 00:16:27.528 align:center
Yeah.

00:16:27.611 --> 00:16:29.571 align:center
Hey-hey, that's the good stuff, man.

00:16:29.655 --> 00:16:31.156 align:center
God damn, I miss those cheers.

00:16:31.240 --> 00:16:33.242 align:center
Feels good when they clap.

00:16:33.325 --> 00:16:35.202 align:center
All right. Whoo!

00:16:36.370 --> 00:16:38.372 align:center
Now, where my hen hounds at?

00:16:41.125 --> 00:16:43.544 align:center
You guys ready to get to it?
You lazy bums.

00:16:43.627 --> 00:16:44.795 align:center
What is happening?

00:16:44.878 --> 00:16:47.256 align:center
-Enough resting.
-He's kidnapped a bunch of his fans.

00:16:47.339 --> 00:16:49.591 align:center
-We're here to work.
-He's mining us for material.

00:16:49.675 --> 00:16:51.427 align:center
He's trying to write a new album.

00:16:51.510 --> 00:16:53.595 align:center
So think of this as a conversation.

00:16:54.304 --> 00:16:56.598 align:center
We are wiping out the walls
between you and me

00:16:56.682 --> 00:17:00.144 align:center
in an effort to get to the truth.

00:17:00.227 --> 00:17:01.562 align:center
That's where I want to go.

00:17:01.645 --> 00:17:04.481 align:center
I want to get to the real stuff.
Slick stuff, raw stuff.

00:17:04.565 --> 00:17:07.943 align:center
He even built this fake town
to try to relate to normal folk.

00:17:08.027 --> 00:17:10.571 align:center
The only way you do that
is by being honest.

00:17:10.654 --> 00:17:12.364 align:center
I'm in pursuit of it.

00:17:12.448 --> 00:17:15.200 align:center
He calls us the poors.
I'm a brain surgeon.

00:17:15.284 --> 00:17:18.537 align:center
Now, who's ready
to share a problem they got?

00:17:19.246 --> 00:17:21.707 align:center
You, hat, tell me one of your problems.

00:17:21.790 --> 00:17:23.000 align:center
Uh…

00:17:23.834 --> 00:17:24.877 align:center
My feet hurt.

00:17:26.336 --> 00:17:28.005 align:center
My feet hurt.

00:17:28.088 --> 00:17:29.214 align:center
You hear this shit?

00:17:29.298 --> 00:17:32.176 align:center
You think I wanna write a song
about a busted fucking flip-flop?

00:17:32.259 --> 00:17:35.345 align:center
This ain't Margaritaville, muchacho.
I want some real shit.

00:17:35.429 --> 00:17:38.098 align:center
Why don't you go get your toes done?
Anybody else?

00:17:38.182 --> 00:17:39.016 align:center
You.

00:17:39.600 --> 00:17:42.227 align:center
My mother died in 9/11.

00:17:42.853 --> 00:17:45.105 align:center
Ooh! I like that.

00:17:46.065 --> 00:17:48.233 align:center
Byung Sung, where are your manners?

00:17:48.317 --> 00:17:50.194 align:center
Give this starving bitch a shrimp.

00:17:52.112 --> 00:17:53.447 align:center
This hag.

00:17:53.989 --> 00:17:56.241 align:center
Here's a bunch. Eat it, bitch!

00:18:04.416 --> 00:18:07.044 align:center
On a cold September morning

00:18:07.127 --> 00:18:10.964 align:center
Mama got up to go to work

00:18:11.048 --> 00:18:14.510 align:center
Yeah, I can work with that.
I like that. Very nice.

00:18:22.726 --> 00:18:25.979 align:center
You know, I like 9/11
as much as the next guy.

00:18:26.688 --> 00:18:29.525 align:center
But my good buddy, Byung Sung, here

00:18:29.608 --> 00:18:32.027 align:center
just reminded me that a few months ago,

00:18:32.110 --> 00:18:35.197 align:center
you said your mama died in a hurricane.

00:18:36.115 --> 00:18:41.411 align:center
Now, I do not quite recall
what sent those towers crumbling down,

00:18:41.495 --> 00:18:43.413 align:center
because I was very busy that morning.

00:18:44.081 --> 00:18:48.961 align:center
But I'm pretty sure
it wasn't a fucking hurricane!

00:18:49.044 --> 00:18:51.421 align:center
No!

00:18:51.505 --> 00:18:53.048 align:center
Oh!

00:18:53.632 --> 00:18:56.635 align:center
Guys? Guys? Guys!

00:18:57.553 --> 00:18:59.138 align:center
This is about trust.

00:18:59.221 --> 00:19:01.431 align:center
I mean, we're a family here.

00:19:03.475 --> 00:19:06.562 align:center
Families love each other,
families laugh together.

00:19:08.522 --> 00:19:10.149 align:center
We laugh all goddamn day.

00:19:10.232 --> 00:19:11.859 align:center
Oh, we're not a family.

00:19:11.942 --> 00:19:13.026 align:center
What was that?

00:19:14.278 --> 00:19:15.821 align:center
-What'd you just say?
-Uh…

00:19:16.947 --> 00:19:20.951 align:center
I said… I said, "We're not a family."

00:19:21.535 --> 00:19:24.955 align:center
Uh, yes, we are. It says it right there
on the fucking merch!

00:19:26.623 --> 00:19:29.418 align:center
Well, family don't, uh, kidnap each other.

00:19:44.892 --> 00:19:45.809 align:center
You just…

00:19:47.936 --> 00:19:49.354 align:center
Fuck!

00:19:49.438 --> 00:19:51.899 align:center
Way to ruin the groove, you selfish shit.

00:19:53.525 --> 00:19:56.612 align:center
Session's over. No more jamming today.

00:19:56.695 --> 00:19:59.197 align:center
Byung Sung, take that bullshit.

00:19:59.781 --> 00:20:01.783 align:center
God damn it!

00:20:01.867 --> 00:20:03.035 align:center
Nice knowing you.

00:20:05.412 --> 00:20:08.415 align:center
Move quickly!

00:20:15.714 --> 00:20:18.383 align:center
-Get in and find her. Got it?
-Yes, sir.

00:20:18.467 --> 00:20:20.010 align:center
Let me open the door now.

00:20:20.093 --> 00:20:21.595 align:center
-Get ready.
-Yes!

00:20:21.678 --> 00:20:22.763 align:center
Here you go.

00:20:27.935 --> 00:20:29.478 align:center
Get on your feet now!

00:20:29.561 --> 00:20:31.563 align:center
No!

00:20:31.647 --> 00:20:33.690 align:center
Hold her!

00:20:33.774 --> 00:20:34.983 align:center
Come here!

00:20:35.525 --> 00:20:37.402 align:center
Hey, where is it? Find it quickly!

00:20:37.486 --> 00:20:38.445 align:center
On your knees!

00:20:38.528 --> 00:20:39.696 align:center
Oh, God, please!

00:20:39.780 --> 00:20:41.073 align:center
What?

00:20:41.156 --> 00:20:43.909 align:center
Oh. Don't kill me! Please, please, please.

00:21:32.082 --> 00:21:35.877 align:center
Big trucks, cold beer

00:21:36.461 --> 00:21:39.798 align:center
Stars and stripes
Still fly around here

00:21:39.881 --> 00:21:41.091 align:center
Yeah, they do

00:21:44.720 --> 00:21:48.348 align:center
Fast cars, hitchin' bass

00:21:48.890 --> 00:21:53.312 align:center
Country music and kickin' ass, yeah!

00:21:54.271 --> 00:21:58.108 align:center
Whoo! Yeah, kickin' ass
' ass, yeah!