1
00:00:09,750 --> 00:00:11,415
Congratulations.
2
00:00:11,416 --> 00:00:13,332
[Howard the Duck] Oh, my God!
Darce, I'm kvelling.
3
00:00:13,333 --> 00:00:15,124
I am positively kvelling right now.
4
00:00:15,125 --> 00:00:17,332
- It looks just like me.
- [Howard the Duck] Hey! Look over here.
5
00:00:17,333 --> 00:00:18,624
- Let me just get your eyes.
- No.
6
00:00:18,625 --> 00:00:20,915
- I wanna get the light on your eyes.
- Nine hours of labor.
7
00:00:20,916 --> 00:00:22,790
- It's so cinematic.
- I'm covered in sweat.
8
00:00:22,791 --> 00:00:24,207
- This is not a good look.
- [nurse] Oh.
9
00:00:24,208 --> 00:00:26,499
- Would you like me to hold the camera?
- Oh, that's perfect.
10
00:00:26,500 --> 00:00:28,332
Make sure you frame
all three of us, please?
11
00:00:28,333 --> 00:00:31,040
- Howard, it's our baby.
- [laughs]
12
00:00:31,041 --> 00:00:32,540
Or it will be, right?
13
00:00:32,541 --> 00:00:34,415
When do you think
this thing is gonna hatch?
14
00:00:34,416 --> 00:00:37,541
I don't know.
It's gonna hatch in... you know, uh...
15
00:00:38,291 --> 00:00:39,625
whatever the normal...
16
00:00:40,750 --> 00:00:45,082
[The Watcher] In an instant, Howard
and Darcy The Duck's whole world changed.
17
00:00:45,083 --> 00:00:46,165
Little did they know
18
00:00:46,166 --> 00:00:49,291
their child was destined
to change everyone else's too.
19
00:00:52,583 --> 00:00:53,625
{\an8}[The Watcher] Time.
20
00:00:56,875 --> 00:00:57,958
{\an8}Space.
21
00:00:59,666 --> 00:01:00,708
{\an8}Reality.
22
00:01:03,583 --> 00:01:05,250
{\an8}It's more than a linear path.
23
00:01:10,125 --> 00:01:14,625
{\an8}It's a prism of endless possibility,
24
00:01:17,166 --> 00:01:20,583
{\an8}where a single choice
can branch out into infinite realities,
25
00:01:23,375 --> 00:01:26,125
{\an8}creating alternate worlds
from the ones you know.
26
00:01:30,250 --> 00:01:31,583
{\an8}I am the Watcher.
27
00:01:33,833 --> 00:01:37,000
{\an8}I am your guide
through these vast new realities.
28
00:01:38,416 --> 00:01:41,916
{\an8}Follow me and ponder the question...
29
00:01:45,583 --> 00:01:47,207
{\an8}"What if?"
30
00:01:47,208 --> 00:01:49,416
{\an8}[KISS "I Was Made for Lovin' You" playing]
31
00:01:52,333 --> 00:01:54,749
[The Watcher] And to think a romance
that could change the world,
32
00:01:54,750 --> 00:01:57,000
{\an8}all began at a party.
33
00:01:57,541 --> 00:02:01,790
An intergalactic blowout thrown
by the party prince of Asgard himself...
34
00:02:01,791 --> 00:02:03,082
Huzzah!
35
00:02:03,083 --> 00:02:05,499
- ...that introduced Earth to the stars...
- [people cheering]
36
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:08,665
{\an8}-...and Howard The Duck to Darcy Lewis.
- [camera shutter clicking]
37
00:02:08,666 --> 00:02:11,582
Well, it's happy hour.
Want some half-priced nachos?
38
00:02:11,583 --> 00:02:14,625
Okay, fine, Duck. But this is not a date.
39
00:02:16,416 --> 00:02:17,708
[The Watcher] She was right.
40
00:02:18,208 --> 00:02:19,416
It was so much more.
41
00:02:21,541 --> 00:02:23,958
I now pronounce you Darcy, and uh, Duck.
42
00:02:24,708 --> 00:02:27,957
[The Watcher] But Howard and Darcy's lives
weren't the only ones changed
43
00:02:27,958 --> 00:02:29,749
by Thor's Midgard rager.
44
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:32,874
The party may have ended
but the guests never left,
45
00:02:32,875 --> 00:02:37,166
as the worlds of Earth and the Cosmos
became forever intertwined,
46
00:02:37,750 --> 00:02:39,665
just like Howard and Darcy.
47
00:02:39,666 --> 00:02:43,374
[Howard the Duck and Darcy singing]
♪ I was made for lovin' you, baby ♪
48
00:02:43,375 --> 00:02:45,874
♪ You were made for lovin' me ♪
49
00:02:45,875 --> 00:02:46,957
♪ You know that! ♪
50
00:02:46,958 --> 00:02:48,749
♪ I can't get enough of you... ♪
51
00:02:48,750 --> 00:02:50,374
♪ I can't get enough of you, Egg baby... ♪
52
00:02:50,375 --> 00:02:53,915
[Mrs. Switzler] Hey, enough! The '80s
called, they want their song back.
53
00:02:53,916 --> 00:02:56,124
[laughs] That's so funny.
54
00:02:56,125 --> 00:03:00,582
Or it would be, except for the fact
that KISS wrote that song in '79! A-duh!
55
00:03:00,583 --> 00:03:03,957
Sorry, Mrs. Switzler, we're just trying
to put the baby to sleep.
56
00:03:03,958 --> 00:03:05,499
[Mrs. Switzler] With what? Torture?
57
00:03:05,500 --> 00:03:07,999
Hey, we worked really hard
on those two-part harmonies!
58
00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:10,415
Okay. And I'm sure the baby loves them.
59
00:03:10,416 --> 00:03:12,083
[gasps] Look, look, look. See...
60
00:03:13,041 --> 00:03:14,416
fast asleep.
61
00:03:17,875 --> 00:03:19,832
I don't appreciate how dismissive she is.
62
00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:21,625
[Darcy] Okay, it doesn't matter.
63
00:03:23,125 --> 00:03:24,207
[sighs in relief]
64
00:03:24,208 --> 00:03:26,707
Will you look at us... nesting?
65
00:03:26,708 --> 00:03:28,374
Well, we are the The Ducks.
66
00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:30,790
- I guess that tracks.
- [doorbell rings]
67
00:03:30,791 --> 00:03:31,875
- Huh?
- [door opens]
68
00:03:33,708 --> 00:03:34,790
You've been served...
69
00:03:34,791 --> 00:03:35,874
- What?
- What? No.
70
00:03:35,875 --> 00:03:37,249
Those charges were dropped.
71
00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:38,332
With two tickets.
72
00:03:38,333 --> 00:03:41,999
All expenses paid to the Grandmaster's
Grand Cruise Across the Stars.
73
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:44,082
- Hello.
- Wait! For us?
74
00:03:44,083 --> 00:03:45,999
- Targeted advertising.
- Oh.
75
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:48,458
It'll be an experience
you'll never forget.
76
00:03:48,958 --> 00:03:51,874
Ahoy there, Sailors of the Stars.
77
00:03:51,875 --> 00:03:56,040
Time to check your worries at the gate,
and toss those inhibitions overboard
78
00:03:56,041 --> 00:03:58,749
because when you're riding
on the SS Grand Master,
79
00:03:58,750 --> 00:04:01,582
adventure has no boundaries.
80
00:04:01,583 --> 00:04:04,415
[gasps] Howard,
have you seen this itinerary?
81
00:04:04,416 --> 00:04:06,957
Couples cliff diving on Vormir...
82
00:04:06,958 --> 00:04:10,457
Oh, yeah, they say you can only
truly appreciate it with someone you love.
83
00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:13,999
[gasps] Oh, a lava boat ride
through the canals of Muspelheim.
84
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:17,540
Wait, you don't think that could, like,
hard-boil our baby or anything, right?
85
00:04:17,541 --> 00:04:20,624
Darce, you heard the lady.
This is a family cruise line.
86
00:04:20,625 --> 00:04:22,332
- They know what they're doing.
- Of course.
87
00:04:22,333 --> 00:04:25,332
Now come on, I wanna hit that buffet
before everyone breathes on it.
88
00:04:25,333 --> 00:04:28,165
- [Bifrost whirs]
- Howard, oh, my God! Hold on to the baby.
89
00:04:28,166 --> 00:04:30,165
- The baby, get it.
- [Howard the Duck] All right, I got it.
90
00:04:30,166 --> 00:04:31,249
Whoa! Oh-ho!
91
00:04:31,250 --> 00:04:33,957
- We're floating!
- I see we're lightening up already.
92
00:04:33,958 --> 00:04:36,457
[digital whirring, beeping]
93
00:04:36,458 --> 00:04:37,915
I got eyes on the package.
94
00:04:37,916 --> 00:04:40,291
Inform the buyer
we'll intercept it off-world.
95
00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:45,540
- Oh, boy!
- This is very nice.
96
00:04:45,541 --> 00:04:47,707
This is just too much. Look at us.
97
00:04:47,708 --> 00:04:49,915
- I know. Look at us.
- Lei for your neck.
98
00:04:49,916 --> 00:04:52,457
Welcome cocktail to lower inhibitions.
99
00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:55,457
Darcy, check out these leis.
They're not even plastic.
100
00:04:55,458 --> 00:04:56,957
That is a classy touch.
101
00:04:56,958 --> 00:05:00,124
Ooh, and this welcome drink.
It tastes like a warm hug,
102
00:05:00,125 --> 00:05:01,999
and vodka, mostly vodka.
103
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:03,790
- Here. Have another.
- Have another.
104
00:05:03,791 --> 00:05:05,999
- [laughs]
- Okay. That's not--
105
00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:08,249
[Grandmaster] Please, I insist.
106
00:05:08,250 --> 00:05:10,540
On the SS Grand Master,
it's not a bad decision
107
00:05:10,541 --> 00:05:13,624
- if you don't remember it.
- Oh, my God! Howard! It's the guy.
108
00:05:13,625 --> 00:05:15,249
- I gotta fight this guy?
- No, no, no.
109
00:05:15,250 --> 00:05:16,832
- DJ Foam.
- DJ Foam!
110
00:05:16,833 --> 00:05:18,290
- Yeah.
- The Grandmaster.
111
00:05:18,291 --> 00:05:19,415
[speaking French]
112
00:05:19,416 --> 00:05:21,915
Bowing is optional.
I'm not that big of a deal.
113
00:05:21,916 --> 00:05:24,624
- I take that back. I am a big deal.
- [laughs] Hey!
114
00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:27,582
Really, we cannot thank you enough
for these tickets.
115
00:05:27,583 --> 00:05:31,124
Ah, for you crazy kids?
Nothing I love more than a wholesome--
116
00:05:31,125 --> 00:05:33,999
- Oh! Oh!
- [Darcy] Uh...
117
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:38,291
This must be the adorable little reason
we're all here today.
118
00:05:39,541 --> 00:05:40,540
Now, look at this.
119
00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:43,415
Now, what you have here
is the Galaxy's finest selection
120
00:05:43,416 --> 00:05:47,915
of sitters, swaddlers, sleep trainers,
nannies, au pairs, governesses, plus...
121
00:05:47,916 --> 00:05:50,249
Topaz here is actually
an excellent wet nurse.
122
00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:51,332
That part's extra.
123
00:05:51,333 --> 00:05:52,624
All at your disposal.
124
00:05:52,625 --> 00:05:56,415
So you two can enjoy
some much-deserved mommy and daddy time.
125
00:05:56,416 --> 00:05:57,500
[both] Uh...
126
00:05:58,583 --> 00:06:00,458
I mean, he doesn't not have a point.
127
00:06:00,625 --> 00:06:01,625
Mmm.
128
00:06:03,458 --> 00:06:05,040
[sighs] Wow!
129
00:06:05,041 --> 00:06:06,207
First-time parents?
130
00:06:06,208 --> 00:06:08,250
Mm-hmm. Yep. Our first one.
131
00:06:09,250 --> 00:06:10,416
Yeah, I can tell.
132
00:06:11,166 --> 00:06:15,165
[Topaz] The Grandmaster's Grand
Welcome Brunch will begin shortly.
133
00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:19,665
The "Grand" part wasn't false advertising,
I'll give him that. This is quite grand.
134
00:06:19,666 --> 00:06:25,415
Now, of course, our guests of honor
have a special seat reserved for them
135
00:06:25,416 --> 00:06:27,290
at the head of the table.
136
00:06:27,291 --> 00:06:28,374
[both] Oh!
137
00:06:28,375 --> 00:06:30,165
- Well, that's nice.
- Very fancy.
138
00:06:30,166 --> 00:06:32,207
- The chair is well-padded.
- Ahem, ahem!
139
00:06:32,208 --> 00:06:36,583
Diners and dinettes,
gather in, settle down.
140
00:06:37,458 --> 00:06:38,457
- Hmm.
- [whirs]
141
00:06:38,458 --> 00:06:42,041
And, uh, most importantly, raise a glass.
142
00:06:42,750 --> 00:06:45,082
Hope you all came hungry,
because once you get a taste...
143
00:06:45,083 --> 00:06:47,625
Quite the hoopla just for breakfast, huh?
144
00:06:48,583 --> 00:06:51,749
Hey! Hey, Howard, Howard,
I can't make heads or tails of this menu.
145
00:06:51,750 --> 00:06:53,665
- You speak, uh, hoity-toity?
- I do not.
146
00:06:53,666 --> 00:06:55,624
But my phone does. [chuckles]
147
00:06:55,625 --> 00:06:57,040
Yeah, let's see what we got.
148
00:06:57,041 --> 00:06:59,624
Here we go. "The Grandmaster invites you
149
00:06:59,625 --> 00:07:02,540
{\an8}"to feast on Howard and Darcy The Duck."
150
00:07:02,541 --> 00:07:03,625
Wait! What?
151
00:07:04,208 --> 00:07:06,332
Wait, wait, wait. It's "feast your eyes."
152
00:07:06,333 --> 00:07:08,499
"Feast your eyes."
Okay, I guess that's nice.
153
00:07:08,500 --> 00:07:10,874
- [♪ upbeat disco music playing]
- [Grandmaster] Ah...
154
00:07:10,875 --> 00:07:13,582
Uh, today's special
155
00:07:13,583 --> 00:07:18,374
is an entrée, uh-huh, like no other.
156
00:07:18,375 --> 00:07:20,999
Born of two worlds...
157
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:22,290
Born of two worlds?
158
00:07:22,291 --> 00:07:25,415
...a true cosmic wonder.
159
00:07:25,416 --> 00:07:27,707
[explosion]
160
00:07:27,708 --> 00:07:29,457
- [Darcy] Uh, Howard...
- Wait, it says,
161
00:07:29,458 --> 00:07:32,249
{\an8}"To feast your eyes on Howard
and Darcy The Duck's
162
00:07:32,250 --> 00:07:33,499
{\an8}- "homemade..."
- Howard!
163
00:07:33,500 --> 00:07:35,874
Oh, no, is this supposed to be a potluck?
164
00:07:35,875 --> 00:07:37,333
[flames crackling]
165
00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:38,499
[Darcy] Howard!
166
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:40,540
- Look at the baby!
- Yep. Hold on.
167
00:07:40,541 --> 00:07:41,624
[digital beeps]
168
00:07:41,625 --> 00:07:43,582
[gasps] Darce, they wanna eat the baby!
169
00:07:43,583 --> 00:07:46,500
No, duh, Howard,
we've got a Hannibal Lecter situation!
170
00:07:47,875 --> 00:07:52,290
Oh, let the brunch begi-- [groans]
171
00:07:52,291 --> 00:07:54,874
- [laughs]
- [thuds]
172
00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:58,790
What? Oh, my gosh!
Captain Mohawk saved our baby!
173
00:07:58,791 --> 00:08:01,790
Sorry to spoil y'all's breakfast, folks.
[whistles]
174
00:08:01,791 --> 00:08:05,208
But I was hopin' to grab
a little somethin' to go. Ta-ta!
175
00:08:05,708 --> 00:08:08,332
Oh, my gosh!
Captain Mohawk stole our baby!
176
00:08:08,333 --> 00:08:11,082
No, no, no! Hey, Space Pirates!
177
00:08:11,083 --> 00:08:13,000
[Darcy] What're you waiting for?
Come on, Duck!
178
00:08:15,291 --> 00:08:17,125
Coast clear, let's get to the life rafts!
179
00:08:18,083 --> 00:08:19,457
All right, here we go!
180
00:08:19,458 --> 00:08:21,082
Howard, are you sure you can fly this?
181
00:08:21,083 --> 00:08:23,832
Are you kidding? I'm a duck.
I was born to fly. Strap in.
182
00:08:23,833 --> 00:08:26,790
- [Darcy grunts]
- [metal clanging]
183
00:08:26,791 --> 00:08:28,166
[Darcy] Oh, move over!
184
00:08:31,500 --> 00:08:33,790
[Howard the Duck] Faster, baby! Faster!
We almost got him!
185
00:08:33,791 --> 00:08:36,040
Aah, come on, get it together, Darcy.
186
00:08:36,041 --> 00:08:37,790
This is just like Galaga.
187
00:08:37,791 --> 00:08:39,500
[both screaming]
188
00:08:41,666 --> 00:08:43,541
[Darcy] Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
189
00:08:46,541 --> 00:08:48,040
- What?
- Aah!
190
00:08:48,041 --> 00:08:50,374
- It just-- It just disappear--
- But they were right...
191
00:08:50,375 --> 00:08:54,625
I don't know what we were thinking.
Nothing good ever happens on a cruise!
192
00:08:55,291 --> 00:08:57,083
- [sighs]
- I'm sorry.
193
00:08:58,291 --> 00:08:59,291
This was a mistake.
194
00:08:59,791 --> 00:09:02,208
Our baby is... gone.
195
00:09:02,791 --> 00:09:04,082
[sighs wearily]
196
00:09:04,083 --> 00:09:05,541
We had one job.
197
00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:07,583
And we failed.
198
00:09:09,083 --> 00:09:10,790
What? What are you doing?
199
00:09:10,791 --> 00:09:13,541
Calling the fuzz!
Clearly, we can't do this on our own!
200
00:09:16,583 --> 00:09:18,582
Um, it's about the Convergence case, sir.
201
00:09:18,583 --> 00:09:20,665
This couple could be the lead
we've been waiting for.
202
00:09:20,666 --> 00:09:22,040
And what did you say their name was?
203
00:09:22,041 --> 00:09:24,624
- That would be the The Ducks, sir.
- Huh?
204
00:09:24,625 --> 00:09:26,790
[Darcy] What the hell
is going on, Director?
205
00:09:26,791 --> 00:09:28,874
First the Grandmaster, now the Ravagers?
206
00:09:28,875 --> 00:09:31,165
Why are all these people after our baby?
207
00:09:31,166 --> 00:09:33,915
I assure you, Mr. and Mrs... The Duck,
208
00:09:33,916 --> 00:09:37,790
recovering your egg has become
S.H.I.E.L.D.'s priority number one.
209
00:09:37,791 --> 00:09:40,915
Oh, yeah? You and everyone else
in the galaxy, apparently.
210
00:09:40,916 --> 00:09:43,290
What the hell is so special
about our kid, anyway?
211
00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:44,374
- [gasps] Howard!
- Ow!
212
00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:46,665
I mean, besides the fact
that they're our kid.
213
00:09:46,666 --> 00:09:49,707
What do you know
about the Cosmic Convergence?
214
00:09:49,708 --> 00:09:51,624
Wait. The Convergence?
215
00:09:51,625 --> 00:09:53,999
- Wasn't that on my due date?
- Exactly.
216
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:57,999
And many believe
the planetary alignment was a sign.
217
00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,040
The birth of a great new power.
218
00:10:00,041 --> 00:10:02,540
You think it's our child?
219
00:10:02,541 --> 00:10:04,082
I guess, deep down, I always knew
220
00:10:04,083 --> 00:10:06,415
our little champ
was destined for big things.
221
00:10:06,416 --> 00:10:08,333
[Coulson] Uh, a word, sir.
222
00:10:08,958 --> 00:10:10,958
[murmuring]
223
00:10:14,541 --> 00:10:16,832
...our satellites picked up
a Ravager ship making the jump
224
00:10:16,833 --> 00:10:18,207
out of the Cat's Eye Nebula.
225
00:10:18,208 --> 00:10:20,540
It could indicate
they're meeting with The Collector.
226
00:10:20,541 --> 00:10:21,625
Hm.
227
00:10:22,583 --> 00:10:25,958
Best you leave this with the experts,
Mr. and Mrs... The Duck.
228
00:10:26,458 --> 00:10:31,500
We'll see to it your Egg stays
out of the wrong hands.
229
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,125
Fury out!
230
00:10:33,625 --> 00:10:35,540
Screw this!
Well, I'm not waiting for the five-oh.
231
00:10:35,541 --> 00:10:37,540
If the Ravagers are workin'
for The Collector,
232
00:10:37,541 --> 00:10:38,957
then we know where they're headed.
233
00:10:38,958 --> 00:10:40,249
- Where?
- Knowhere.
234
00:10:40,250 --> 00:10:41,540
- What?
- Knowhere.
235
00:10:41,541 --> 00:10:43,582
Well, they've gotta be going somewhere.
236
00:10:43,583 --> 00:10:44,790
Knowhere.
237
00:10:44,791 --> 00:10:46,124
- Howard?
- Knowhere.
238
00:10:46,125 --> 00:10:48,416
Where are they going?
239
00:10:57,833 --> 00:10:59,582
Milord Yondu Udonta,
240
00:10:59,583 --> 00:11:05,499
I present to you, Kaecilius,
Master of the Dark Arts.
241
00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:09,499
Only in silence
can you hear the whispers from the Dark.
242
00:11:09,500 --> 00:11:10,874
[Yondu] Oh-ho! Whoa!
243
00:11:10,875 --> 00:11:12,665
What happened to The Collector?
244
00:11:12,666 --> 00:11:15,165
He's been... collected.
245
00:11:15,166 --> 00:11:17,374
Trapped inside the Mirror Dimension.
246
00:11:17,375 --> 00:11:19,957
But we knew the most powerful relics
in the Cosmos
247
00:11:19,958 --> 00:11:23,749
always seem
to find their way here... eventually.
248
00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:26,374
Listen, man. Word on the street here
249
00:11:26,375 --> 00:11:29,415
is that this egg
is a pretty hot damn commodity.
250
00:11:29,416 --> 00:11:34,207
I got offers comin' in from Dark Elves
and an Olympic God.
251
00:11:34,208 --> 00:11:37,750
You get what I'm sayin'?
So, our price just went up.
252
00:11:38,375 --> 00:11:39,540
I'm sorry, Captain,
253
00:11:39,541 --> 00:11:41,791
but Dormammu does not come to bargain.
254
00:11:42,291 --> 00:11:44,500
[Carina chanting magic incantation]
255
00:11:45,291 --> 00:11:47,915
[chanting magic incantation]
256
00:11:47,916 --> 00:11:49,249
[Yondu screams]
257
00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:51,583
[people continue chanting]
258
00:11:52,916 --> 00:11:54,915
[Howard the Duck] Jeez, easy, Darce.
The wall, the wall.
259
00:11:54,916 --> 00:11:56,374
- [Darcy] It's fine!
- Oh, oh!
260
00:11:56,375 --> 00:11:57,457
[Darcy] Quiet, Howard!
261
00:11:57,458 --> 00:11:59,165
You know I can't park
when someone is watching!
262
00:11:59,166 --> 00:12:00,291
I'm lookin' away.
263
00:12:03,541 --> 00:12:04,666
That was great, babe. Wow.
264
00:12:05,375 --> 00:12:06,374
[Darcy groans]
265
00:12:06,375 --> 00:12:10,624
Whoa, can't believe you escaped
through the sewage tunnels.
266
00:12:10,625 --> 00:12:11,707
[groans]
267
00:12:11,708 --> 00:12:14,124
You won't even use a public restroom.
268
00:12:14,125 --> 00:12:16,290
I'm not proud of it.
I did what I had to do.
269
00:12:16,291 --> 00:12:19,000
- Shh! Howard, I hear something creepy.
- [indistinct chanting]
270
00:12:19,750 --> 00:12:20,750
Do you hear that?
271
00:12:31,875 --> 00:12:33,666
- Yeah, it's very creepy.
- It's very creepy!
272
00:12:34,166 --> 00:12:36,166
[all chanting]
273
00:12:43,250 --> 00:12:44,666
- [Darcy] Howard!
- [quacks]
274
00:12:46,833 --> 00:12:48,916
[chanting in unison]
275
00:12:49,500 --> 00:12:51,458
What in the name of Eyes Wide Shut!
276
00:12:53,208 --> 00:12:55,208
[both mumbling]
277
00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:56,874
- ...Dormammu.
- ...Dormammu.
278
00:12:56,875 --> 00:12:58,666
- Yeah, that is right.
- Crushin' it.
279
00:13:03,166 --> 00:13:05,040
[gasps] That's our baby!
280
00:13:05,041 --> 00:13:07,333
Oh, no! There's gotta be
something we can do!
281
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:17,832
So, uh, excuse me.
What's the deal with the magic act?
282
00:13:17,833 --> 00:13:20,957
We know. Obviously.
We just wanna hear it in your words.
283
00:13:20,958 --> 00:13:24,790
Quiet! The "ensoulment" is about to begin.
284
00:13:24,791 --> 00:13:26,583
- Ensoulment?
- Ensoulment?
285
00:13:28,583 --> 00:13:34,458
Behold, our Dark Master, Dormammu!
286
00:13:38,291 --> 00:13:41,124
[chanting]
287
00:13:41,125 --> 00:13:44,083
Dormammu, we present to you an offering.
288
00:13:44,625 --> 00:13:47,540
A powerful vessel to serve
as your host body,
289
00:13:47,541 --> 00:13:50,124
from which you will be born anew.
290
00:13:50,125 --> 00:13:51,207
Howard! I think
291
00:13:51,208 --> 00:13:54,499
they're tryna Rosemary's Baby
this Dormammu guy into our baby!
292
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:55,915
No. No. No.
293
00:13:55,916 --> 00:13:57,083
[hissing]
294
00:13:58,083 --> 00:13:59,332
Did I get it?
295
00:13:59,333 --> 00:14:01,249
- What the...
- What? No!
296
00:14:01,250 --> 00:14:04,083
[all clamoring]
297
00:14:06,208 --> 00:14:07,915
S.H.I.E.L.D.! Nobody move!
298
00:14:07,916 --> 00:14:10,082
I didn't do it! I'm innocent, I tell you!
299
00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:12,332
Relax, Howard.
He's not here for us, remember?
300
00:14:12,333 --> 00:14:14,750
Right. Right. It's just a force of habit.
301
00:14:15,833 --> 00:14:17,249
[officer] Hands out of your robes, now!
302
00:14:17,250 --> 00:14:21,875
You are in possession of
unauthorized level 11 cosmic contraband.
303
00:14:22,458 --> 00:14:25,499
I would suggest you stand down, Director.
304
00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:28,665
You've no idea what you've found yourself
in the middle of.
305
00:14:28,666 --> 00:14:32,582
I understand enough to know
that the galaxy will be safest
306
00:14:32,583 --> 00:14:34,374
with that Egg in S.H.I.E.L.D.'s hands.
307
00:14:34,375 --> 00:14:36,499
[Howard the Duck]
Uh, S.H.I.E.L.D.'s hands?
308
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:39,082
[Darcy] [laughs] Thanks,
but no thanks, my dude.
309
00:14:39,083 --> 00:14:42,374
Yeah. Look, Your Honor,
I appreciate the search and rescue,
310
00:14:42,375 --> 00:14:45,040
but I don't think
we're in the market for childcare.
311
00:14:45,041 --> 00:14:46,415
Who the hell are these two?
312
00:14:46,416 --> 00:14:47,915
[quacks] We're the parents.
313
00:14:47,916 --> 00:14:50,082
I'm sorry, Mr. and Mrs. The Duck,
314
00:14:50,083 --> 00:14:53,124
but S.H.I.E.L.D. can't entrust
a being this powerful
315
00:14:53,125 --> 00:14:55,582
to a first-time mom and a gambling addict.
316
00:14:55,583 --> 00:14:58,207
- Hey!
- Recovering gambling addict, thank you!
317
00:14:58,208 --> 00:15:00,249
I got the chip. That's the wrong chip.
318
00:15:00,250 --> 00:15:02,000
Coulson, carton it.
319
00:15:07,666 --> 00:15:12,416
It appears you need some help
reorienting your perspective.
320
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:18,583
- I don't like it!
- [indistinct shouting]
321
00:15:21,583 --> 00:15:23,125
If that's how it's gonna be...
322
00:15:24,458 --> 00:15:25,791
- [screams]
- [all clamoring]
323
00:15:28,291 --> 00:15:30,749
For Dormam-- [grunts]
324
00:15:30,750 --> 00:15:31,833
Get it, get it!
325
00:15:33,416 --> 00:15:35,625
- Get it! [screams]
- Get it! I got my--
326
00:15:38,083 --> 00:15:39,082
Huh?
327
00:15:39,083 --> 00:15:40,791
- [both sigh]
- All right.
328
00:15:42,083 --> 00:15:43,415
[panting]
329
00:15:43,416 --> 00:15:45,208
Let's go. [pants]
330
00:15:46,666 --> 00:15:47,665
Do you hear that?
331
00:15:47,666 --> 00:15:49,624
- Oh?
- Oh-ho-ho!
332
00:15:49,625 --> 00:15:51,332
Ask and you shall receive.
333
00:15:51,333 --> 00:15:52,540
I didn't hear you ask anyone.
334
00:15:52,541 --> 00:15:55,416
Well, I was askin', babe.
You know, in my head.
335
00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:01,415
Breaking Space News,
Terran defense force, S.H.I.E.L.D.,
336
00:16:01,416 --> 00:16:04,457
has issued an Ivory Alert
for a missing cosmic relic,
337
00:16:04,458 --> 00:16:07,207
last seen leaving Knowhere
in a Sakaaran vessel.
338
00:16:07,208 --> 00:16:11,374
[laughs] Well, look at us,
like an intergalactic Bonnie and Clyde.
339
00:16:11,375 --> 00:16:14,250
Have you seen that movie, Howard?
It does not end great for them.
340
00:16:14,916 --> 00:16:17,166
Look, we need to find someplace
where we can lay low.
341
00:16:17,791 --> 00:16:21,791
Not to worry. I know just the place
where we can chill.
342
00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:26,874
For too long, Jotunheim has been
relegated to the shadows.
343
00:16:26,875 --> 00:16:31,124
But with this,
the Nine Realms will have no choice
344
00:16:31,125 --> 00:16:34,583
but to bear witness
to our glorious purpose.
345
00:16:35,125 --> 00:16:39,957
Right here at the Jotun Slopes
luxury hotel, resort, and casino.
346
00:16:39,958 --> 00:16:42,750
The future of intergalactic winter sports.
347
00:16:43,458 --> 00:16:44,624
That's pretty cool, right?
348
00:16:44,625 --> 00:16:47,749
I mean, my father's not
100% on board just yet,
349
00:16:47,750 --> 00:16:49,957
but, you know, I'm gonna get him there.
350
00:16:49,958 --> 00:16:53,332
Dude, we didn't come here
for a sales pitch. We came for your help.
351
00:16:53,333 --> 00:16:55,707
You know, I thought so,
and let me just cut to the chase.
352
00:16:55,708 --> 00:16:58,457
I can't wait to be your baby's godfather.
353
00:16:58,458 --> 00:17:00,790
I'm so honored. Thank you.
This means the world.
354
00:17:00,791 --> 00:17:02,540
- Is this guy serious right now?
- Uh.
355
00:17:02,541 --> 00:17:05,332
[laughs] Listen,
as swell as that offer is...
356
00:17:05,333 --> 00:17:07,290
- Yeah.
- Really, we're very touched.
357
00:17:07,291 --> 00:17:09,415
What we need right now is shelter.
358
00:17:09,416 --> 00:17:12,040
We're kinda on the lam
from a couple of cops.
359
00:17:12,041 --> 00:17:13,915
- And sorcerers.
- Pirates, too.
360
00:17:13,916 --> 00:17:15,457
So, what do you say? Can you help us out?
361
00:17:15,458 --> 00:17:16,540
What're you talking about?
362
00:17:16,541 --> 00:17:19,916
You're my brother from another mother's
old lady's sister from another mister.
363
00:17:20,625 --> 00:17:21,749
Uh...
364
00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:23,415
You're practically family.
365
00:17:23,416 --> 00:17:26,249
[chuckles nervously] Thanks, man.
I mean, it has been a long trip,
366
00:17:26,250 --> 00:17:28,791
and we have not been able
to catch a break.
367
00:17:31,333 --> 00:17:35,124
Oh! Is that guests already? Hang on, wait,
our soft opening isn't for a few days.
368
00:17:35,125 --> 00:17:38,083
I don't think they're here for you.
369
00:17:43,208 --> 00:17:48,540
Mr. and Mrs. The Duck,
I told you to leave this to us!
370
00:17:48,541 --> 00:17:50,499
Ah, Sir Nicholas Fury!
371
00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:52,041
[chuckles softly] Let's go!
372
00:17:55,291 --> 00:17:56,457
Quickly. Quickly.
373
00:17:56,458 --> 00:17:57,540
Oh, Father!
374
00:17:57,541 --> 00:18:02,790
So much for this grand opening
of yours, my son.
375
00:18:02,791 --> 00:18:05,707
[chuckles] These are my friends.
See them to safety, yes?
376
00:18:05,708 --> 00:18:07,957
Or we can take this...
377
00:18:07,958 --> 00:18:09,582
- Dad! What are you doing?
- No, no, no!
378
00:18:09,583 --> 00:18:13,082
- Give it back.
- And return Jotunheim to its former glory.
379
00:18:13,083 --> 00:18:14,707
No! No return to former glory!
380
00:18:14,708 --> 00:18:16,207
- This is embarrassing!
- S.H.I.E.L.D.!
381
00:18:16,208 --> 00:18:17,290
- Nobody move!
- Dad!
382
00:18:17,291 --> 00:18:18,665
Surrender the artifact!
383
00:18:18,666 --> 00:18:21,165
My brother from another mother
will not look kindly on this.
384
00:18:21,166 --> 00:18:23,082
[thunder rumbling]
385
00:18:23,083 --> 00:18:24,499
See? I told you.
386
00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:26,333
[explosion]
387
00:18:30,541 --> 00:18:34,000
I don't think it's who you think it is.
388
00:18:34,875 --> 00:18:37,957
Kneel before Zeus!
389
00:18:37,958 --> 00:18:40,457
Oh, good, you're already kneeling.
390
00:18:40,458 --> 00:18:43,207
Now, where is this Egg
I saw written in the stars?
391
00:18:43,208 --> 00:18:45,707
Okay, cool.
Well, we're heading south for the winter.
392
00:18:45,708 --> 00:18:47,332
Never been much of a snowbird anyway.
393
00:18:47,333 --> 00:18:48,958
- Darce, let's get outta here.
- Come on!
394
00:18:50,333 --> 00:18:51,499
Hey, what do I got?
395
00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:54,915
Thunderbolt! Thunderbolt!
Thunderbolt, thunderbolt!
396
00:18:54,916 --> 00:18:56,207
That guy shocked me!
397
00:18:56,208 --> 00:18:57,708
I'm comin' back for you, buddy!
398
00:18:58,250 --> 00:18:59,249
Darce!
399
00:18:59,250 --> 00:19:03,749
Hark, the child born under the stars
of the Convergence is ours to take.
400
00:19:03,750 --> 00:19:09,790
And with it, we shall finally plunge
the Nine Realms into eternal darkness.
401
00:19:09,791 --> 00:19:12,290
Get out of my way!
I am a Master of the Dark Arts!
402
00:19:12,291 --> 00:19:14,790
I'm a Dark Elf.
It's in the name, you dimwit!
403
00:19:14,791 --> 00:19:16,291
- Heretic!
- Thunderbolt!
404
00:19:16,875 --> 00:19:17,957
Hey!
405
00:19:17,958 --> 00:19:20,082
Hear me and rejoice.
406
00:19:20,083 --> 00:19:23,290
Oh, no! You're not getting your mitts
on our magical kid!
407
00:19:23,291 --> 00:19:25,290
What? No.
We're just here for a company retreat.
408
00:19:25,291 --> 00:19:26,749
- We have a Groupon.
- Okay.
409
00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:30,624
Uh, wait. Did you say "magical kid"?
410
00:19:30,625 --> 00:19:32,999
- [scoffs] Howard!
- Sorry!
411
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,332
We might want to call this one in.
412
00:19:35,333 --> 00:19:36,874
Thunderbolt for you!
413
00:19:36,875 --> 00:19:38,583
[all grunt]
414
00:19:41,500 --> 00:19:42,750
Get up, no, no...
415
00:19:48,291 --> 00:19:50,166
Mama's got you, Junior!
416
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,290
[Grandmaster] My fabulous Egg.
417
00:19:52,291 --> 00:19:54,290
- DJ Foam?
- The omelet man!
418
00:19:54,291 --> 00:19:56,291
We meet again. What're the odds?
419
00:19:56,833 --> 00:19:59,791
No, seriously, I'm asking you,
what are the odds?
420
00:20:00,375 --> 00:20:02,958
- No, no, no. Howard!
- Oh, no!
421
00:20:05,041 --> 00:20:06,457
- Oh, no, no, no!
- No, no, no!
422
00:20:06,458 --> 00:20:08,458
Oh, come to Papa.
423
00:20:11,541 --> 00:20:14,749
- Sparkles! Huh?
- Oh, no, we're going down. Abandon ship.
424
00:20:14,750 --> 00:20:16,750
- [explosion]
- [Grandmaster laughs]
425
00:20:17,500 --> 00:20:18,707
No, no, no! Howard!
426
00:20:18,708 --> 00:20:21,540
Excuse me. Just makin' my way.
Daddy's got you, baby.
427
00:20:21,541 --> 00:20:22,707
[all clamoring]
428
00:20:22,708 --> 00:20:24,290
Faster, Howard, faster!
429
00:20:24,291 --> 00:20:25,958
I'm running as fast as I can!
430
00:20:29,083 --> 00:20:31,040
The Stones? Is this about the Stones?
431
00:20:31,041 --> 00:20:32,791
Have you found them? Where are they?
432
00:20:34,375 --> 00:20:37,874
An egg? You called me for an egg?
433
00:20:37,875 --> 00:20:39,666
It's magical?
434
00:20:42,541 --> 00:20:44,790
[all screaming]
435
00:20:44,791 --> 00:20:46,040
Yello.
436
00:20:46,041 --> 00:20:48,041
Oh. Whoa, whoa, whoa!
437
00:20:49,583 --> 00:20:50,582
[groans]
438
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:52,415
- Oh. Whoa.
- Come on, Duck!
439
00:20:52,416 --> 00:20:53,583
[Howard the Duck screams]
440
00:20:54,666 --> 00:20:55,750
No!
441
00:20:56,333 --> 00:20:59,290
Yeah! Yodelheim rules!
442
00:20:59,291 --> 00:21:02,583
Yeah! The The Ducks can't be stopped!
443
00:21:05,291 --> 00:21:06,791
- No!
- Hold up.
444
00:21:08,375 --> 00:21:09,583
[Howard the Duck, Darcy scream]
445
00:21:12,625 --> 00:21:14,958
And there goes your trust fund.
446
00:21:16,041 --> 00:21:17,040
All of it?
447
00:21:17,041 --> 00:21:19,125
[Howard the Duck, Darcy scream]
448
00:21:26,583 --> 00:21:27,874
[both grunting]
449
00:21:27,875 --> 00:21:29,500
- [pants]
- [groaning]
450
00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:34,083
[screaming, rumbling in distance]
451
00:21:39,375 --> 00:21:42,791
This can't be it, Howard. Can it?
452
00:21:45,291 --> 00:21:46,291
[sighs]
453
00:21:46,958 --> 00:21:48,166
Who can say?
454
00:21:49,416 --> 00:21:52,916
I never would've thunk a life like this
could've been written in the stars.
455
00:21:53,916 --> 00:21:55,500
A girl like you...
456
00:21:57,208 --> 00:21:58,666
I mean, a duck like me.
457
00:21:59,333 --> 00:22:02,457
Thank God that bar was offering
half-price nachos.
458
00:22:02,458 --> 00:22:05,250
Well, the nachos
might've sealed the deal, but...
459
00:22:06,041 --> 00:22:07,041
I always knew.
460
00:22:08,625 --> 00:22:10,541
We were brought together
for something more.
461
00:22:13,291 --> 00:22:14,750
I always knew it, too.
462
00:22:15,416 --> 00:22:19,333
[screaming, rumbling continues]
463
00:22:20,750 --> 00:22:23,000
[humming "I Was Made for Lovin' You"
by KISS]
464
00:22:36,333 --> 00:22:39,540
♪ You were made for lovin' me ♪
465
00:22:39,541 --> 00:22:42,499
[all screaming]
466
00:22:42,500 --> 00:22:46,165
♪ I can't get enough of you, baby ♪
467
00:22:46,166 --> 00:22:48,874
♪ Can you get enough of me? ♪
468
00:22:48,875 --> 00:22:49,958
Never.
469
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:56,540
[both singing]
♪ I was made for lovin' you, baby ♪
470
00:22:56,541 --> 00:22:58,915
♪ I was made for lovin' you, baby ♪
471
00:22:58,916 --> 00:22:59,999
♪ You know that! ♪
472
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:01,165
[pinging]
473
00:23:01,166 --> 00:23:02,250
Uh...
474
00:23:02,875 --> 00:23:03,958
Darce...
475
00:23:13,208 --> 00:23:16,624
- Ah, that power.
- So pure.
476
00:23:16,625 --> 00:23:19,624
- It's divine.
- So beautiful.
477
00:23:19,625 --> 00:23:22,957
Just as it was written in the stars.
478
00:23:22,958 --> 00:23:24,040
Seize it!
479
00:23:24,041 --> 00:23:26,458
[KISS "I Was Made for Lovin' You" playing]
480
00:23:35,083 --> 00:23:36,915
Wow! Darce, look at this.
481
00:23:36,916 --> 00:23:38,874
This kid might have some magic of its own!
482
00:23:38,875 --> 00:23:40,499
Maybe we should keep singing?
483
00:23:40,500 --> 00:23:44,749
♪ Oh, I was made for lovin' you, baby ♪
484
00:23:44,750 --> 00:23:48,332
♪ You were made for lovin' me ♪
485
00:23:48,333 --> 00:23:52,332
♪ And I can't get enough of you, baby ♪
486
00:23:52,333 --> 00:23:56,082
♪ Can you get enough of me? ♪
487
00:23:56,083 --> 00:23:57,624
[lightning crackles]
488
00:23:57,625 --> 00:23:59,749
- You all right, Coulson?
- I'm good, boss.
489
00:23:59,750 --> 00:24:02,333
So, you know,
what do you think of the resort?
490
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:17,833
There's... There's too many of them.
491
00:24:18,333 --> 00:24:21,249
No! There's gotta be
somethin' else we can do.
492
00:24:21,250 --> 00:24:22,750
[both groaning, grunting]
493
00:24:33,166 --> 00:24:34,291
Howard, the baby!
494
00:24:42,166 --> 00:24:43,458
[cracking]
495
00:24:44,666 --> 00:24:45,749
[all gasp]
496
00:24:45,750 --> 00:24:47,291
[all screaming]
497
00:24:59,208 --> 00:25:02,791
Okay, okay, this was fun,
but I have an orgy to get to.
498
00:25:05,458 --> 00:25:09,833
[all screaming]
499
00:25:46,375 --> 00:25:48,250
[gasps] Um, Howard?
500
00:25:48,791 --> 00:25:53,582
And to think I was worried
you wouldn't be able to protect her.
501
00:25:53,583 --> 00:25:57,374
Yeah, yeah. She's a natural-born slugger,
just like her old man.
502
00:25:57,375 --> 00:25:59,916
Oh, no need for that. I was wrong.
503
00:26:02,958 --> 00:26:06,166
Power that great
is safest with its family.
504
00:26:14,625 --> 00:26:15,875
You guys got this.
505
00:26:16,416 --> 00:26:17,416
Fury out!
506
00:26:21,791 --> 00:26:23,833
Hi, guys. Hi, hi.
507
00:26:24,708 --> 00:26:28,749
Listen, I've talked it over with my father
and to make amends...
508
00:26:28,750 --> 00:26:32,957
We'd like to comp you
a room at the lodge. And...
509
00:26:32,958 --> 00:26:36,583
Honestly, it's the least we could do.
Really, my friends. We insist.
510
00:26:37,541 --> 00:26:38,833
Full minibar.
511
00:26:39,458 --> 00:26:40,458
Mm.
512
00:26:41,333 --> 00:26:42,541
What do you think, babe?
513
00:26:43,708 --> 00:26:45,791
Never been one to turn down a free trip,
514
00:26:46,375 --> 00:26:48,916
but there's only one place in the world
I wanna be.
515
00:26:52,458 --> 00:26:57,125
[The Watcher] Even in an endless universe,
there's no place like home.
516
00:26:58,291 --> 00:27:03,125
And parents
are the greatest heroes of all.
517
00:27:10,166 --> 00:27:14,416
Aw. Our little Byrdie. She's perfect.
518
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:16,625
Yeah. She is, isn't she?
519
00:27:18,041 --> 00:27:19,666
All right, like we rehearsed.
520
00:27:20,500 --> 00:27:21,582
Step...
521
00:27:21,583 --> 00:27:25,582
- Step. And step. And step.
- Step. And step. And step.
522
00:27:25,583 --> 00:27:26,875
- You get the door.
- Fine.
523
00:27:32,125 --> 00:27:33,124
[Byrdie crying]
524
00:27:33,125 --> 00:27:34,749
- No!
- Oh, God. Did you do the bottle?
525
00:27:34,750 --> 00:27:37,040
- You're supposed to do the bottle.
- No, the bottle's fine, Howard.
526
00:27:37,041 --> 00:27:39,249
No, it's way too hot.
You can't give a bottle that hot.
527
00:27:39,250 --> 00:27:40,874
It's the blanket. She hates the color!
528
00:27:40,875 --> 00:27:42,249
Why'd we get her this color?
529
00:27:42,250 --> 00:27:45,333
[♪ pleasant instrumental music playing]
530
00:28:26,291 --> 00:28:29,291
[theme music playing]