1 00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:48,360 And on the day fourth-form pupils begin studying for their new "GCSE" exams, 2 00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:51,720 we put a group of Cotchester shopkeepers through their paces 3 00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:55,840 to see how much they can remember from their O-level maths. 4 00:00:56,840 --> 00:01:01,120 Meanwhile, here at Corinium, we are buzzing with excitement 5 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:03,880 for our new live show, Declan. 6 00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:09,040 Declan's first guest will be Hollywood hellraiser, Johnny Friedlander. 7 00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:12,800 One of the cinema's brightest stars, in his first interview 8 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:17,440 since being the unfortunate victim of a sex-tape scandal two years ago. 9 00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:23,160 The reclusive star is on his way to Corinium Studios as we speak. 10 00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:27,360 Can Declan O'Hara coax him out of his shell? 11 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:30,120 And what about those James Bond rumours? 12 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:33,480 That's Declan... 13 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:35,600 ...live tonight at eight o'clock 14 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:40,280 with his very first interview here at Corinium right after Coronation Street. 15 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:43,600 I'll definitely be tuning in. 16 00:01:58,240 --> 00:01:59,360 Run. 17 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:31,400 Johnny! I love you! 18 00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:39,120 - Tell us about the scandal, Johnny. - Are you gonna give us the scoop? 19 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:43,520 Mr Friedlander. Welcome to Corinium. 20 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:46,720 - Please, call me Johnny. - Tony Baddingham. Please come on through. 21 00:03:57,800 --> 00:03:59,560 Your first live audience. 22 00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:01,680 You're not going to wear those socks on the programme? 23 00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:05,080 We get this right, Deirdre, no one will be looking at me feet. 24 00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:19,280 - Good luck, Declan. - Thanks. 25 00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:26,640 - Hi, Seb. - Big night, ladies. 26 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:39,760 - Hi, Seb. - Showtime, everyone. 27 00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:41,120 Yep. Sure is. 28 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:46,040 That's good. Yeah. Yeah, all right. 29 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:48,600 So, um, Paddy and Mick are walking to the pub, 30 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:51,360 and they spot a sign saying, "Tree fellers wanted." 31 00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:53,240 So, Paddy turns to Mick and he says, 32 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:55,680 "Well, isn't it a shame there's only the two of us?" 33 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:57,560 You know, I can hear you, Brian. 34 00:04:57,560 --> 00:05:00,720 You don't tell jokes about Jews or Blacks anymore, so why you picking on the Irish? 35 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:02,840 Okay, mate. Uh, can we get some level? 36 00:05:02,840 --> 00:05:05,920 Cut the fucking Paddy jokes or I'll knock you from here to the Irish Sea. 37 00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:07,040 Is that level enough for ya? 38 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:09,920 Yeah. Loud and clear. Sorry, Declan. 39 00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:13,840 Cameron, are you there? 40 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:17,320 What-What-What am I supposed to do with the, uh, cards? 41 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:20,400 We talked about this. Declan O'Hara doesn't hide behind a desk. 42 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:22,720 - Hmm. - If you'd let me see the questions, 43 00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:24,160 I could have fed them to you. 44 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:27,720 Just trust me, will you? 45 00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:33,960 Where's Johnny? 46 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:35,560 Houston, do we have a problem? 47 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:42,360 Declan's a journalist of international stature. 48 00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:46,280 So... [stammers] ...the fact that he left the BBC for us, it's quite a compliment. 49 00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:48,240 It's all very impressive, Lord B. 50 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:51,240 Uh, of course, it's the wife who's the TV viewer around our house. 51 00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:53,080 Well, it's documentaries mostly, 52 00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:54,960 but I do find Dallas a guilty pleasure. 53 00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:57,480 Well, who doesn't love Dallas? 54 00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:00,240 - Hi. - Hi. Thanks for sneaking me in. 55 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:03,320 I think some of our new programmes can give JR a run for his money. 56 00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:04,960 Have you seen Four Men Went To Mow? 57 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:07,160 - Mother Goose is here. - Excuse me a moment. 58 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:11,120 Lady Gosling, so good of you to come. 59 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:12,640 Do you know the Reverend Penney? 60 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:15,480 My deputy on the Franchise Renewal Committee. 61 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:17,400 - Of course, welcome. - Well, looking forward 62 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:20,880 to some scrupulous broadcast journalism tonight. 63 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:21,920 I was just remarking, 64 00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:24,880 what with there being a set in every living room these days, 65 00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:27,080 television companies must recognise 66 00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:30,480 that they are the custodians of the nation's morality. 67 00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:46,920 I'm working. 68 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:54,520 Showtime, Mr Friedlander. 69 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:02,560 That's Four Men Went To Mow, 70 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:04,640 Wednesday night, nine o'clock. 71 00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:06,240 Oh, lovely. 72 00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:08,960 That's a very nice wine. 73 00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:11,560 - How long have we got? - I guess that's why they make them. 74 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:13,960 I'll get it. 75 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:19,520 I think we just found our fox. 76 00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:23,080 Door on the right there, Rupert. 77 00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:25,520 Tag. Tag, it's him. Oh, my God. 78 00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:27,800 Not in the business of daring-- 79 00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:31,360 Hello, Rupert. 80 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:33,480 Lizzie, darling... hello. We were just passing. 81 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:36,600 - Successful day? - Well, little fucker gave us the slip. 82 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:38,040 "Huntus" interruptus. 83 00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:39,840 Sorry. 84 00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:41,920 Hello, my name's Caitlin. How are you? 85 00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:46,800 Sit, bunny girl. 86 00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:50,720 You look like you've found the Holy Grail. 87 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:54,280 All right, it is okay, Declan. The eagle has landed. 88 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:03,440 Can we have some level, please? 89 00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:07,000 - What did you have for breakfast, Johnny? - You wanna get me arrested? 90 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:09,880 - Declan looks nervous. - He cut me dead earlier. 91 00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:11,680 It's awfully uncool to get so uptight. 92 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:13,640 Shut the fuck up or get the fuck out. 93 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:17,280 Run music. 94 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:20,840 Five... four... 95 00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:23,720 three... 96 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:26,160 two... 97 00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:29,040 one, and in. 98 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:41,800 Why aren't you in the audience, Maud? 99 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:43,760 Daddy gets too nervous if Mummy's there. 100 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:44,840 Isn't it daft? 101 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:47,120 Because he cares what you think more than anyone in the world. 102 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:49,680 - Oh. - It means I miss a lot of parties. 103 00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:52,440 Good evening. I'm Declan O'Hara. 104 00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:55,760 My guest tonight is one of the world's most recognisable stars. 105 00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:56,840 Room for a small one? 106 00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:59,360 He's the star of box office smashes such as Last Man on Mars, 107 00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:03,520 Highway 12, and Dog Tag three: Voyage to Vietnam to name just a few. 108 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:05,360 He's been nominated for numerous awards, 109 00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:07,880 but in recent years, it's his turbulent personal life, 110 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:11,800 and of course, finding himself the victim of a cruel honeytrap, 111 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:14,640 which has attracted almost as much attention as his films. 112 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:16,080 Johnny Friedlander, welcome to the show. 113 00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:18,800 What's it like seeing your ex-partner in grime, Rup? 114 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:20,520 You know Johnny Friedlander? 115 00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:22,880 Well, shared a few lovers back in the day. 116 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:25,520 Yep. Not silly enough to let any of them 117 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:27,800 - film me having sex, though. - Thank you. What a crowd. 118 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:29,200 People are excited to see you. 119 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:30,600 Well, I gotta say that's nice. 120 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:32,640 It's been a while since I've done one of these. 121 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:34,520 - Why do this interview now? - Go tight on Johnny. 122 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:36,160 - Well, uh... - Yeah, of course. 123 00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:37,920 ...I feel it's time to move on. 124 00:09:38,560 --> 00:09:40,040 That's what we're here for. 125 00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:44,000 Now, Johnny, your last film was mired in controversy. 126 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,800 There were stories that you were late to set. 127 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:47,280 You picked fights with the director. 128 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:49,560 You passed out at the wheel while driving under the influence. 129 00:09:49,560 --> 00:09:51,680 See, nobody prepares you for fame. 130 00:09:51,680 --> 00:09:54,920 You don't know how you're gonna react to being given the keys to the candy store. 131 00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:58,760 It turns out that I react by overdosing on candy. 132 00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:01,360 Going well, don't you think? 133 00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:02,440 Absolutely. 134 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,480 Not sure about the socks. 135 00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:11,840 Jesus Christ. Who signed off on those? 136 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:13,840 ...I would need to be in a comedy. 137 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:19,520 And what was it like when you drove off that bridge? 138 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:24,640 Well, uh, I woke up the second I hit the water. 139 00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:26,320 But, man, it was, uh, scary. 140 00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:30,840 Thank God I was in a convertible, or I'd be at the bottom of the river now. 141 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:33,520 But yeah, I had to get sober. 142 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:38,720 415 days later, the world looks more beautiful than ever. 143 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:52,200 Now, shall we talk about the sex tape? 144 00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:55,520 Why not? 145 00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:58,640 The elephant's in the room already, crapping in the corner. 146 00:10:58,640 --> 00:10:59,920 Is the girl okay? 147 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:02,880 Miss, uh-- Miss Cortes. 148 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:06,240 - Hell, I don't know. - You don't see her? 149 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:08,880 Uh, not on my Christmas card list, no. 150 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:11,480 But she is, uh-- She's an actress, right? 151 00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:13,800 I don't know. Uh, we met in a bar. 152 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:16,800 Hope she got a lot of money out of the whole thing. 153 00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:18,440 Is $5,000 a lot of money? 154 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,920 According to Miss Cortes, that's how much you paid her to have sex with you 155 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:24,880 and then take the tape to the National Enquirer. 156 00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:26,040 What? 157 00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:27,680 Oh, fuck. 158 00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:33,680 You said you were the victim, but in fact, you paid her 159 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:37,880 to video herself having sex with you as if it had been filmed undercover 160 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:39,920 so that when she took the tape to the press, 161 00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:41,760 you could pretend that you'd been set up. 162 00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:44,760 Simultaneously getting sympathy as the victim of a honeytrap 163 00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:48,120 while reaping a ton of publicity that made you look like a virile sex god. 164 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:49,720 Yeah, she got publicity too, trust me. 165 00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:52,400 You sat back and let the press vilify her 166 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:54,800 to the extent that all her acting work dried up. 167 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:58,400 You could have stepped in and told the truth, but you didn't. 168 00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:03,160 The world would have believed you, but your silence demolished her. 169 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:07,800 Your stock shot up overnight while Pia Cortes lost her apartment. 170 00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:11,480 $5,000 for a woman's reputation. Is that a fair price? 171 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:15,480 What reputation? She was a porn actress. I paid her to make a porno! 172 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,480 Fuck. We've lost him. He's gonna walk out. 173 00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:47,160 Oh, man. I'm an ass. 174 00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:50,080 Why did you do it? 175 00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:52,840 Tell two to hold on Johnny. 176 00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:57,320 Stay on Johnny. Now move in. 177 00:12:57,320 --> 00:12:59,080 Slowly, slowly. 178 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:00,600 Slowly. 179 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:02,560 You wouldn't get this on the BBC. 180 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:06,840 Get me the sweat beading on his brow. This is the one. 181 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:10,520 I'd had four flops in a row, and I was scared. 182 00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:16,280 That's the worst thing about Hollywood is when you're out, 183 00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:19,160 all you can think about is how to get back in. 184 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:21,960 What a mess. 185 00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:26,080 Worst part is... 186 00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:30,200 I really liked that girl. 187 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:33,000 I thought she had something. 188 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:35,280 What would you say to her... 189 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:37,280 if she was here? 190 00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:38,720 Nah, she's in LA, man. 191 00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:40,080 Uh... 192 00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:41,680 She might see it. You never know. 193 00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:49,120 Okay. Um, sure. 194 00:13:57,040 --> 00:14:02,480 Pia, if you're watching, I'm sorry. 195 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:04,880 I'm an ass. 196 00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:08,720 Let me buy you a drink or a car. 197 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:11,560 Whatever you want. 198 00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:13,560 I'm sorry. 199 00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:24,440 Man, I've been sitting on that secret too long. 200 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:26,640 Feel good to get it off your chest? 201 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:31,280 God, the water here tastes good. 202 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:33,760 Can I get another? 203 00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:35,560 Join us again after the break 204 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:38,040 when I'll be asking Johnny about James Bond. 205 00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:40,000 Don't go away. 206 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,400 And we're clear. 207 00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:46,320 Okay, stand by, everyone. Three minutes. 208 00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:48,440 Well, that was more stressful than I expected. 209 00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:50,280 Daddy always goes in for the kill. 210 00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:53,680 He really is a master at this, your Declan. 211 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:55,880 I mean, is that erotic? Doing a video? 212 00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:58,360 Oh, I think it is if you've made it for each other, 213 00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:01,240 - or you watch it when they're away. - Mm-hmm. 214 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:03,880 Or watch together as a warm-up. 215 00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:05,360 Yeah, it can be pretty hot. 216 00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:06,840 With the right co-star. 217 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:10,560 Can't imagine James wanting to make a sex video with me. 218 00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:14,280 The camera puts pounds on you, and he already thinks I'm fat. 219 00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:16,000 - Well, he's mad. - Yeah. 220 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:17,640 - You're exquisite. - Oh. 221 00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:21,160 Sandwich, anyone? 222 00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:22,840 Yeah, I'm starving. 223 00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:25,040 Oh, my God, you made these, Taggie? 224 00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:26,760 They're ambrosial. 225 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:29,120 Please. Please tell me you'll come and work for me. 226 00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:30,160 Uh... 227 00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:31,640 Caitlin, fetch another one of these for me, please. 228 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:33,480 No, I, uh... I tried working in a restaurant. 229 00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:35,440 It was just, uh... It was too hectic. 230 00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:37,960 Well, you-you could do people's dinner parties and things. 231 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:39,160 Uh, a private chef. 232 00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:42,480 I bet you'd get bookings. I could put the word around if you like? 233 00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:45,080 - Caitlin! - Oh! Daddy's back. 234 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:47,080 Mmm. 235 00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:54,800 Here it is. Your closet, sir. 236 00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:06,560 Put something against the-- 237 00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:08,600 Do you think Johnny Friedlander barricades the door? 238 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:14,720 And the guy, he had the most stupid walk... 239 00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:21,240 Did I tell you what Cubby Broccoli said when my people called up and suggested me? 240 00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:24,000 He said he'd sooner have James Bond played by a woman. 241 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,960 Ladies and gentlemen, Johnny Friedlander. 242 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:53,320 Bloody marvellous. Good job. 243 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:55,920 Johnny, introduce you to a few of our company. 244 00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:57,560 - This is Ginger Baines. - How are you? 245 00:16:57,560 --> 00:16:59,440 Bastard spiked Johnny's dressing room. 246 00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:01,040 Gave him a bottle of vodka. 247 00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:02,560 Oh, no, I did that. 248 00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:03,640 What? 249 00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:05,840 Why didn't you tell me? 250 00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:08,600 We needed your first show to be jaw-dropping television. 251 00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:10,320 - No way was I leaving it to chance. - Oh, fuck. 252 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,920 And you didn't tell me you were gonna skewer the guy live on air. 253 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:14,920 You don't think it fucks your producer up not to know that? 254 00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:16,560 But we didn't need to push him off the wagon. 255 00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:18,360 I didn't need help. 256 00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:20,360 Yeah, you didn't need a desk either, did you? 257 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:24,840 - This is Ester McCloud. - Hi. Hi, how you doing? 258 00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:26,120 This is Lady Gosling. 259 00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:27,440 - Hi, how you doing? - Hello. 260 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:28,680 - Freddie Jones. - Hey. 261 00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:30,200 - Good to meet ya. - His lovely wife. 262 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:31,640 - Hello. - How are you doing? 263 00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:33,360 - James Vereker. - Hi. 264 00:17:33,360 --> 00:17:35,720 - This is the back room boy. This is Seb. - How are you doing? 265 00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:37,440 - Daysee. - Hey, how you doing? 266 00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:39,360 - This is Deirdre. - Hey, how you doing? 267 00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:48,440 At least he didn't film you. 268 00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:50,640 He's a mug. 269 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:52,080 You look like a Charlie's Angel. 270 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,320 Thanks, Seb. 271 00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:56,880 That's nice. 272 00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:59,480 He's very good, isn't he? 273 00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:02,120 What, the new jewel in Corinium's crown, hmm? 274 00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:04,040 - Extraordinary socks. - Oh, yeah. 275 00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:05,440 He has so much character. 276 00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:07,320 He's a breath of fresh air. 277 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:11,080 It's such a shame that you couldn't get Campbell-Black onto the board. 278 00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:12,160 Well... 279 00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:13,840 Is Freddie Jones in the bag? 280 00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:15,280 Oh, very much so. Very much so. 281 00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:17,600 And much more use to us. 282 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:20,960 His expertise in technology, business, the real world... 283 00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:21,880 Mmm. 284 00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:24,480 But I've got to say, Declan's got some brass. 285 00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:26,120 I thought Johnny was gonna lamp him one. 286 00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:28,200 How do you keep it together, all that going on? 287 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:29,880 Can I tell you a secret? 288 00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:33,080 That was my first time taking a show out live. 289 00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:35,920 - Did you like it? - Oh, my God. The adrenaline? 290 00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:39,760 Yes, I loved it. But please don't ask me any specifics. It's a blur. 291 00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:41,240 - I mean, it-- - You've met Cameron then? 292 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:43,800 So you need people that can deliver under pressure? 293 00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:46,280 - Diamonds. - Couldn't agree more. 294 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:48,720 That's why we're courting you for the board. 295 00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:53,760 You're getting the fuck of a lifetime tonight. 296 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:57,000 Yeah. 297 00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:11,600 - Isn't that crazy? And then... - Mm-hmm. 298 00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:14,160 - ...the man started turning up at the house. - Oh, no. 299 00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:16,120 And he was so in love with Mummy. 300 00:19:16,120 --> 00:19:19,800 But then Daddy found out about it, and that wasn't funny at all. 301 00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:22,360 Caitlin. 302 00:19:22,360 --> 00:19:25,640 Anyway, that's the real reason why we moved out of London. 303 00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:28,080 Daddy's new job came just at the right time. 304 00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:47,080 Mrs Thatcher tells me if I want to succeed in politics, 305 00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:48,480 I have to keep my nose clean. 306 00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:49,880 No more cunnilingus then. 307 00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:53,800 Maud's got a thumping crush on you. 308 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:56,880 Declan looks strong. I'd watch yourself. 309 00:19:59,920 --> 00:20:02,360 Darling, you know I love you to bits. 310 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:06,200 But never tell me what to do. 311 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:50,520 You must be exhausted. 312 00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:53,360 How did I do? 313 00:20:53,360 --> 00:20:55,360 Mmm, you were wonderful. 314 00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:19,120 Christ, you're wet. 315 00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:23,120 I've been thinking about you coming home all evening. 316 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:38,720 Oh, what is it? 317 00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:40,560 Everything all right? 318 00:21:41,120 --> 00:21:43,520 Shitting awful evening actually. 319 00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:44,960 Oh, I'm sorry. 320 00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:48,600 You should have come with me to watch the new Declan show. 321 00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:50,680 It was... 322 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:52,440 brilliant. 323 00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:01,440 You might be a little more supportive, Lizzie. 324 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:16,880 It's only my first day at boarding school. 325 00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:18,440 It's not like it's momentous or anything, is it? 326 00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:21,440 I'm sorry I can't drive you there. You know Daddy needs the car this morning. 327 00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:22,800 I didn't mean you. 328 00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:30,240 Bye-bye, gorgeous, ugly dog. 329 00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:37,200 Is Mummy going to start one of her things with Rupert? 330 00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:40,040 I'm not gonna keep her secrets again if she does. 331 00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:45,600 Oh, Mummy and Daddy are gonna be okay. 332 00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:47,600 I'll keep an eye on them. I promise. 333 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:51,040 Oh, I'm gonna miss you. 334 00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:52,920 - Now go. - I'm going. 335 00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:57,760 Just you and me now, pups. 336 00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:04,760 Good evening. I'm Declan O'Hara. 337 00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:08,480 Get up and show us a few moves. 338 00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:10,120 Okay. 339 00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:11,920 Take it away. 340 00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:26,520 Please. 341 00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:35,400 That's all we've got time for tonight. 342 00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:37,280 Paul Roberts, ladies and gentlemen. 343 00:23:47,120 --> 00:23:48,240 He's got me. 344 00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:49,280 Get off me, man. 345 00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:53,120 Get off me, man. 346 00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:57,160 Get the fuck off me! 347 00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:03,040 Wonderful. 348 00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:17,280 - Oh, my God. - Oof. 349 00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:18,840 Look at all this. 350 00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:20,920 If it's a neighbourhood dinner party, 351 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:23,280 why didn't Valerie Jones invite your da and me? 352 00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:25,800 - I don't know, Mummy. - She did. I said we couldn't do it. 353 00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:28,520 What? I have work to do. 354 00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:30,640 I never get to go anywhere. 355 00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:33,160 I mean, how can we meet anyone 356 00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:36,680 if you're gonna turn down everything just to prepare your stupid programme? 357 00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:39,280 My stupid programme is all that's paying the bills 358 00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:41,760 on this rotting pile of bricks, and all you do is spend money. 359 00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:43,680 I mean, why the fuck do we own a harp? 360 00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:46,280 Oh, you wanna take my music away from me? It's all that I have left. 361 00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:48,400 - I have to go to work. - No, no. I'm still talking to you. 362 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:50,200 We can talk about it later. 363 00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:51,520 - Good luck, Tag. - Bye. 364 00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:55,480 You know, it's a good job that you bought a priory 'cause I might as well be a nun. 365 00:24:57,360 --> 00:24:59,480 You know, he's still punishing me. 366 00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:01,080 I mean, when is it gonna stop? 367 00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:09,760 My congratulations, both of you. Ten million viewers. 368 00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:12,360 I want 12 mil this week. 369 00:25:12,360 --> 00:25:14,640 I can't believe you got that story out of Mick Jagger. 370 00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:17,480 People like telling me things. Psychiatrist to the stars. 371 00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:18,600 So who's next on the couch? 372 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:20,320 - Diana. - Doesn't do TV. 373 00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:22,760 - Arnold Schwarzenegger? - Jesus, he can't even speak. 374 00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:25,000 - Joanna Lumley. - Rupert Campbell-Black. 375 00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:26,000 No way. 376 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:29,400 Celebrity, ex-Olympian, a heart-throb, so I'm told, and now Minister for Sport. 377 00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:31,080 Surely that's an extraordinary trajectory. 378 00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:32,520 There's no hinterland. 379 00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:36,280 If I'm to interview someone whose politics I despise, I want a worthy opponent. 380 00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:38,200 Could you stop swinging your dick for a moment? 381 00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:39,640 If you stop swinging your vagina. 382 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:41,240 Okay, okay, okay, okay. 383 00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:45,680 Declan's right. Campbell-Black's an arrogant brat. 384 00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:47,680 Everything people hate about the upper classes. 385 00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:49,080 Why do you hate him so much? 386 00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:51,920 Because he always gets everything he wants. 387 00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:54,440 Joyce, Rupert Campbell-Black? 388 00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:58,200 I wasn't surprised when the wife left. 389 00:25:58,200 --> 00:25:59,960 He'll never settle, will he? 390 00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:02,560 Doesn't that make him an interesting interview? 391 00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:03,960 He's the only man in England 392 00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:06,360 who can come out of a sex scandal with a promotion. 393 00:26:06,360 --> 00:26:08,120 Minister for Sport, for God's sake. 394 00:26:08,120 --> 00:26:10,320 The man plays tennis naked. 395 00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:12,200 He's an irredeemable shit. 396 00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:15,440 We needn't pour fertiliser on his already overgrown ego. 397 00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:17,520 Who do you want, Declan? 398 00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:20,000 - Thatcher. - Margaret Thatcher? 399 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:21,880 No, Charles. Fucking Denis Thatcher. 400 00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:23,880 L-Look, she'll never say yes anyway. 401 00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:25,360 She thinks I'm an IRA pinko. 402 00:26:25,360 --> 00:26:26,600 Well, let's see, shall we? 403 00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:29,760 I've donated eye-watering sums to the Tory party. 404 00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:32,400 It's not the public who decides which way the election goes, is it? 405 00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:37,320 All right, stop staring at me. Fuck off. 406 00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:39,400 We've all got work to do. 407 00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:41,160 - Declan? - Yeah. 408 00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:43,000 Don't go. Have a proper drink. 409 00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:44,080 After you. 410 00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:49,920 You've got viewing figures most people would sell their granny for. 411 00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:54,360 So, I'm just wondering why you're still unhappy here? 412 00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:56,280 Is it Cameron? 413 00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:57,480 No, no. 414 00:26:58,360 --> 00:27:01,880 I mean, she's hard work, but you're right. She knows what she's doing. 415 00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:05,000 I-I... [sighs] I just have a lot on my mind. 416 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:06,360 Money stuff. 417 00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:09,520 I have an unpaid tax bill following me around. 418 00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:11,080 Eighty grand. 419 00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:14,760 London wasn't cheap. 420 00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:18,200 Not with a wife who throws a party every time someone blows their nose. 421 00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:21,160 All right, well... 422 00:27:22,360 --> 00:27:24,560 why don't I settle with the Inland Revenue for you? 423 00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:27,640 You can pay me back when you can. Nobody need know about it. 424 00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:30,680 Just the two of us. And my accountant. 425 00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:33,400 That's very decent of you. 426 00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:35,160 Self-interest, really. 427 00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:37,320 You're no good to me preoccupied. 428 00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:41,760 Now, another? 429 00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:43,960 Cheers. 430 00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:18,280 Are you always this height? 431 00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:20,360 I can usually size people by looking. 432 00:28:20,360 --> 00:28:22,160 Well, I didn't think you'd want me to serve things. 433 00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:23,920 Well, I can't exactly do it myself, can I? 434 00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:25,840 You know to go around the dinner table clockwise, don't you? 435 00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:27,280 Don't pick, Sharon. 436 00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:29,200 And I need you to write the menu out. 437 00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:31,520 One for each end of the table in French, if you don't mind. 438 00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:34,400 Hello, Taggie. Nice get-up. Grub smells good. 439 00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:35,960 I'm still cross with you, Fred-Fred. 440 00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:37,800 What were you thinking inviting a single man? 441 00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:40,240 I mean, what kind of a dinner party ever had nine guests? 442 00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:43,680 Ten guests now, because I've just invited a single woman to balance the books. 443 00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:45,280 Fred-Fred, how could you? 444 00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:48,320 Now I'm gonna have to change the whole placement. 445 00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:53,400 Terrific. Eat that. Eat that. 446 00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:56,720 I could help you with the menus. 447 00:28:56,720 --> 00:28:58,200 I'm doing French for GCSE. 448 00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:07,560 They're gonna be here soon, Mrs Makepiece. 449 00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:08,680 Yes, Mrs Jones. 450 00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:11,800 Sorry. Did you decide if you want the cheese first or the pavlova? 451 00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:13,920 Fred-Fred? Cheese or dessert? 452 00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:15,320 Don't posh people say "pudding"? 453 00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:18,000 Pudding? But "dessert" is French. 454 00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:20,240 - Agatha, which is it? - I don't know. 455 00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:23,120 Pudding. They learn that at boarding school. 456 00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:25,880 Chin up, Mousie. 457 00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:27,760 We've worked so hard. We can enjoy it now. 458 00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:31,400 Who'd have thought it? You and me, entertaining a lord and a lady, eh? 459 00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:34,240 Right. 460 00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:50,520 Just a nice, cosy dinner. 461 00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:52,360 Freddie's bum on a board seat at the end of it. 462 00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:55,680 I've rather implied to Lady Gosling he's already said yes, 463 00:29:55,680 --> 00:29:57,880 so we need to reel him in tonight, 464 00:29:57,880 --> 00:29:59,720 or we might as well kiss goodbye to the franchise. 465 00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:02,880 No, absolutely. Operation "Charm Offensive." 466 00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:04,200 Well, offensive is right. 467 00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:06,520 We'll be forced to admire the soft furnishings. 468 00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:08,200 Fitted carpets everywhere. 469 00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:11,120 Well, don't let Valerie Jones get to you, darling. 470 00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:13,920 - You know who she reminds you of? - Who? 471 00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:14,960 Your mother. 472 00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:17,400 Oh. 473 00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:29,520 Come on. 474 00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:31,280 We got five minutes. 475 00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:34,360 Yeah, well five minutes is how long it takes to do this bloody dress up. 476 00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:37,680 No, all right. 477 00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:41,320 Um, you know, I need you to, uh, 478 00:30:41,320 --> 00:30:43,520 behave yourself this evening, don't you? 479 00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:47,000 Uh, I want Tony to invite me onto the board at Corinium, 480 00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:48,720 and we need to look proper. 481 00:30:49,920 --> 00:30:52,280 - Respectable. - Darling, is this about Rupert? 482 00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:54,400 It was just a silly flirtation. 483 00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:56,600 Come on, you know I love you most of all. 484 00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:59,480 Besides, I thought you wanted a young wife that everyone admires. 485 00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:01,000 I do, darling. 486 00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:03,920 Just prefer they admired you from further away. 487 00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:18,400 So, it was a considerable renovation? 488 00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:20,840 Yes, it was terribly poky. 489 00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:24,040 Three bedrooms and only the one bathroom, so we had to extend, 490 00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:26,120 but once we'd rendered over the old stonework, 491 00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:28,840 you can't tell the join between the old and new. 492 00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:30,400 I thought this was a listed building. 493 00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:31,800 Oh, it is, yeah. 494 00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:34,640 Fred-Fred has friends in high places. 495 00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:37,600 I mean, one needs a good-sized lounge for entertaining. 496 00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:39,760 Lounge? 497 00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:42,200 Behave. We're being charming. 498 00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:43,960 Uh-huh. 499 00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:49,920 I think I've had this dream. 500 00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:51,480 Valerie made me. 501 00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:53,240 It's just so short. 502 00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:56,120 "Brevity is the soul of wit." 503 00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:58,400 And I could almost see your brevities. 504 00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:06,840 The fact is this is a listed building. There are rules. 505 00:32:06,840 --> 00:32:08,040 Mmm. 506 00:32:14,240 --> 00:32:15,600 Aw. 507 00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:18,160 Darling, you look ravishing. 508 00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:20,720 James hates this, but it's the only clean one I've got. 509 00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:22,400 Um... 510 00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:23,680 Hello, Valerie. 511 00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:26,640 Evening, Stratton. 512 00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:28,640 Listen, I think you were given the wrong impression 513 00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:30,000 about the tennis game with your wife. 514 00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:33,080 All quite innocent, sort of thing that wouldn't bat an eyelid on the Continent. 515 00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:34,840 Good, clean, open-air fun. 516 00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:36,600 Shake hands and play nicely, shall we? 517 00:32:45,120 --> 00:32:46,840 Freddie! 518 00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:48,520 Sound system! 519 00:32:48,520 --> 00:32:49,960 Sorry, love. Wrong room. 520 00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:52,480 Freddie's equipment is staggering. 521 00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:57,640 - Mmm. - Mmm. 522 00:32:57,640 --> 00:33:00,720 I, uh... I gather you spent this afternoon on the couch with my husband? 523 00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:04,080 - Yes. Do you mind? - No. Good for you. 524 00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:06,160 I hope you told him it was marvellous afterwards. 525 00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:11,760 - Thanks, Fred. - Nature abhors a vacuum. 526 00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:13,840 Yes, so does my cleaner. 527 00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:16,440 - That's very good. - Thank you. 528 00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:17,920 - That's very good. - Freddie. 529 00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:19,600 Can you show me this sound system? 530 00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:22,160 I'll be back in a tick. 531 00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:25,880 You're a hit with the host. 532 00:33:25,880 --> 00:33:27,640 I bet you're next to him at dinner. 533 00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:35,280 Right. I'm off to see what decorative hell 534 00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:37,040 Valerie's unleashed on the downstairs loo. 535 00:33:37,040 --> 00:33:39,000 Cloakroom, darling. Cloakroom. 536 00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:40,200 That's interesting. 537 00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:43,320 Agatha's the help. We borrowed her for the event. 538 00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:44,400 Overtime. 539 00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:47,760 There's no need to see cable satellite as a threat. 540 00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:49,280 Let's embrace the possibilities, 541 00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:52,720 but your expertise will be invaluable. 542 00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:55,360 Of course, you're busy. 543 00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:58,360 Well, I think you like feeling useful. We'd have fun. 544 00:33:58,360 --> 00:34:00,480 Not trying to seduce you onto his board, is he? 545 00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:03,640 We're a viable, growing company with excellent prospects. 546 00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:06,280 The financial rewards are considerable. 547 00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:08,200 Must we bring money into it? 548 00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:10,680 Freddie's a businessman. It's what we do. 549 00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:13,280 - You ever said "no" to this man? - Frequently. 550 00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:15,800 Did you enjoy the polo? 551 00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:18,480 You're a very bad influence. I had a headache for three days. 552 00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:19,680 Freddie. 553 00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:22,920 Uh, Mr Vereker and Mrs Stratton are on the television. 554 00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:25,080 - Oh, yes. You'll want to see this. - Yeah. Okay. 555 00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:38,680 - Sarah, welcome. - Hi, James. 556 00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:40,880 - Absolute pleasure... - Oh, look, there you are, Sarah. 557 00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:41,840 Where's Sarah? 558 00:34:41,840 --> 00:34:43,880 ...you've been married to Paul Stratton, 559 00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:46,360 - MP for Cotchester, for a few months now. - Mmm. 560 00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:49,120 How do you see your role as the wife of an MP? 561 00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:51,840 To support my husband in every possible way. 562 00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:53,400 And how do you get on with Paul's family? 563 00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:55,280 His children must be nearly as old as you are. 564 00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:57,360 - Oh, very good, James. Gripping stuff. - I put no pressure 565 00:34:57,360 --> 00:34:59,240 on Paul to leave his first wife. 566 00:34:59,240 --> 00:35:01,280 But because he eventually made that decision, 567 00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:03,600 you know, I'm branded a scarlet woman... 568 00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:05,760 ...so I've had to try even harder to prove myself a good... 569 00:35:09,240 --> 00:35:11,480 Cute. 570 00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:19,920 And what advice would you give to a young woman now 571 00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:23,240 who was engaged to be married to a busy, powerful, even famous man? 572 00:35:23,240 --> 00:35:26,440 The one thing I would say is do not let yourself go after you're married. 573 00:35:26,440 --> 00:35:28,160 I mean, we all know what happens then, don't we? 574 00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:30,080 Hello, Cameron. Let me get you a drink. 575 00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:31,880 They're all glued to the local news, I'm afraid. 576 00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:32,840 Thank you. 577 00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:35,640 - Oh, James. - Stop it. 578 00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:38,280 - What are you, 21? - Oh, please. 579 00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:39,520 And the rest? 580 00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:41,000 - She's a natural, isn't she? - Touché. 581 00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:42,680 Well, it's just wonderful to see her opening up. 582 00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:44,760 Um, now, I understand that Paul's left... 583 00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:31,880 Don't ask for seconds, all right? Does it smell fishy? 584 00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:34,560 New cologne? 585 00:36:34,560 --> 00:36:36,160 - I wear it all the time. - I like it. 586 00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:38,720 - You sure the lighting wasn't a bit hard? - It was brilliant. 587 00:36:40,240 --> 00:36:41,480 What the hell are you doing here? 588 00:36:41,480 --> 00:36:44,320 Freddie called after you left. I couldn't say no to him, could I? 589 00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:46,480 Well, don't do anything outrageous. Stay out of my way. 590 00:36:49,080 --> 00:36:51,160 Well, I clearly drew the long straw. 591 00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:53,640 Good. 592 00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:56,080 - You're here? - Yeah. 593 00:36:56,080 --> 00:36:57,600 Thank you. 594 00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:00,560 Ah, Cavendish. 595 00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:02,600 We've never really had a proper chat, have we? 596 00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:04,160 No, we haven't, Lady Baddingham. 597 00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:05,680 Oh, Monica, please. 598 00:37:05,680 --> 00:37:07,160 We're all friends here. 599 00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:16,000 Rupert Campbell-Black. 600 00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:21,080 I presume, since we're the only people here without partners, 601 00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:23,440 that we're being set up with each other, and just so you know, 602 00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:25,240 I am perfectly comfortable with that. 603 00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:28,200 Do you have a boyfriend? 604 00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:29,600 Kind of. 605 00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:31,760 - Kind of. - Mm-hmm. 606 00:37:32,680 --> 00:37:34,280 Best kind. 607 00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:41,200 Sorry. I think, uh, someone's been playing with the, um-- 608 00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:42,440 Everything all right, Valerie? 609 00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:45,520 Yes. Yep. Yep, yep. Quite, quite all right. 610 00:37:46,120 --> 00:37:48,120 Do you work with Cavendish, James? Hmm? 611 00:37:48,120 --> 00:37:49,240 Her name's Cameron. 612 00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:51,360 No, I promise it's not. 613 00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:54,160 No. Cavendish? Yes. See? 614 00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:55,560 James thought you were called Cameron. 615 00:37:56,360 --> 00:37:58,240 Yeah, it's Cameron. 616 00:37:58,240 --> 00:37:59,240 Yeah. 617 00:37:59,240 --> 00:38:01,240 But... Yes, but you always answer to Cavendish, 618 00:38:01,240 --> 00:38:03,040 so, why didn't you say anything? 619 00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:04,880 Well, you're my boss's wife. 620 00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:07,720 Silly girl. 621 00:38:07,720 --> 00:38:11,680 There's no need f... Hon-Honestly, what peculiar behaviour. 622 00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:19,000 - "Salmon mousse." - Do you like salmon mousse? 623 00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:20,720 So, what have we got? 624 00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:24,560 "Gingered French peasant, cravat sauce." 625 00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:26,360 "Desert château." 626 00:38:26,360 --> 00:38:28,160 Do you think it's garnished with actual sand? 627 00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:32,120 Garnished with leftover peasants maybe? 628 00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:33,280 Not frequently, no. 629 00:38:33,280 --> 00:38:35,480 Uh, clockwise, Agatha please. Thank you. 630 00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:37,280 - Sorry. - I did tell her. 631 00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:57,920 Ah, Taggie. 632 00:39:02,560 --> 00:39:04,200 Looks amazing. I do love a bit of pheasant. 633 00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:06,240 It looks delicious. Thank you, darling. 634 00:39:06,240 --> 00:39:07,640 And how do you get on with Declan? 635 00:39:07,640 --> 00:39:10,920 Well, I'm his producer, which gives him licence to be obnoxious. 636 00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:12,960 God knows how his wife puts up with him. 637 00:39:12,960 --> 00:39:15,480 Well, you could ask Taggie here. She's his daughter. 638 00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:18,680 Oh, God, I'm-I'm sorry. 639 00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:20,920 It's all sport with you, isn't it? 640 00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:22,880 Blood sport mostly. The chase. 641 00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:24,240 Oh, but if you caught something, 642 00:39:24,240 --> 00:39:25,920 I don't think you'd know what to do with it. 643 00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:27,240 Mmm. 644 00:39:27,240 --> 00:39:30,040 She's quite the ball-breaker, your new producer. Where'd you find her? 645 00:39:30,040 --> 00:39:31,400 Hunted her down in New York. 646 00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:32,720 Ah, blood sports again. 647 00:39:32,720 --> 00:39:34,560 You guys go to school together or something? 648 00:39:34,560 --> 00:39:36,480 No, no, no, no. 649 00:39:36,480 --> 00:39:37,960 And that's funny why? 650 00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:41,480 Because as it happens, no, we didn't. 651 00:39:42,120 --> 00:39:43,280 Rupert went to Harrow. 652 00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:46,160 I went to grammar school. 653 00:39:46,160 --> 00:39:47,960 And you'll never let anyone forget it, will you? 654 00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:50,360 I wasn't gonna say anything of the sort. 655 00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:52,880 It's you that won't let anyone forget it, Baddingham. 656 00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:58,080 - Tony was quite different as a boy. - Oh. 657 00:39:58,080 --> 00:39:59,680 Billy Bunter, weren't you? 658 00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:02,040 Okay, what's grammar school, 659 00:40:02,040 --> 00:40:04,080 and how is it different from where you went? 660 00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:05,920 Well, it's increasingly hard to say. 661 00:40:05,920 --> 00:40:08,160 Rupert's school cost a lot more, 662 00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:10,160 but they didn't spend any of it teaching him manners. 663 00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:13,760 - Very good, Lady Baddingham. - Thank you. 664 00:40:13,760 --> 00:40:16,920 - I can't imagine you fat, Tony. - It's where I got my drive to succeed. 665 00:40:16,920 --> 00:40:19,520 Mmm. I wish Fred-Fred had a drive like that. 666 00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:20,800 We can't budge the scales at all. 667 00:40:23,080 --> 00:40:27,040 Be careful what you wish for, Valerie. Might drive him to some dangerous places. 668 00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:30,200 Um, been meaning to say, Tony. 669 00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:32,720 Uh, we found a presenter for our "caring for the elderly" segment. 670 00:40:32,720 --> 00:40:35,120 She's a Jamaican lady living in Cotchester. 671 00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:37,320 A 70-year-old widow with an adult daughter, 672 00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:39,240 which makes her a Black single mother. 673 00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:40,640 Box ticked. 674 00:40:40,640 --> 00:40:42,720 I was brought up by a Black single mother. 675 00:40:43,480 --> 00:40:44,880 Can't wait to tune in. 676 00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:54,560 She's so exotic, isn't she? Where's she from? 677 00:40:54,560 --> 00:40:55,920 America, I think. 678 00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:57,520 Wayne likes Black girls, don't you? 679 00:40:57,520 --> 00:40:58,480 What? Shut up. 680 00:40:58,480 --> 00:41:00,560 You've got a picture of Grace Jones with no clothes on. 681 00:41:00,560 --> 00:41:01,840 I saw it in your pants drawer. 682 00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:03,920 It is going so well. 683 00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:05,760 The pheasant was divine. 684 00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:06,960 Everyone's saying so. 685 00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:09,120 I knew you'd be wonderful at this. 686 00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:11,600 I'm sorry she put you in that thing. 687 00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:14,240 It was me who wrote the menus out. That's why the spelling's so bad. 688 00:41:15,040 --> 00:41:17,920 Oh, God. Your dyslexia. 689 00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:20,800 I'm so sorry. 690 00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:23,280 We thought we were taking the mickey out of... 691 00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:25,840 someone else. 692 00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:30,560 W-Well, you cook like a dream, even if you can't spell for shit. 693 00:41:36,480 --> 00:41:38,680 - Bravo. - Pavlova. 694 00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:40,840 - Bravo! - Magnificent. 695 00:41:54,240 --> 00:41:56,080 What's your favourite thing about your job? 696 00:41:56,920 --> 00:42:00,360 Well, what a lovely question. 697 00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:06,200 Space. Up there. 698 00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:10,160 Most British satellites use my computers now. 699 00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:14,040 And sometimes I look up at the night sky, 700 00:42:14,040 --> 00:42:17,160 and I see a little star winking back at me, 701 00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:20,600 and I think, "I made that happen". 702 00:42:21,400 --> 00:42:22,920 And it blows my mind. 703 00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:34,520 - Chateau Gateau. - Mmm. 704 00:42:34,520 --> 00:42:37,200 This looks divine. 705 00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:39,760 Well done, angel. 706 00:42:47,120 --> 00:42:48,360 Oh, God! 707 00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:49,720 God! 708 00:42:49,720 --> 00:42:52,040 Oh, dear. Oh. 709 00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:55,840 You stupid bitch. What the fuck are you doing? 710 00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:57,160 I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. 711 00:42:57,760 --> 00:43:00,400 - Oops. - Fetch a cloth, Agatha. 712 00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:02,480 - Don't fetch a cloth. It's Armani. - I'll pay for it. 713 00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:05,040 You couldn't begin to. 714 00:43:05,040 --> 00:43:07,080 - S... - Needn't be a bitch about it. 715 00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:12,440 Cameron, let's-let's go and get you tidied up. 716 00:43:12,440 --> 00:43:14,200 Come on. Come with me. 717 00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:16,560 Rupert, how could you? 718 00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:25,000 God, that is exactly the kind of crass, lecherous-- 719 00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:27,760 I thought she'd like it. God knows her mother would have. 720 00:43:27,760 --> 00:43:30,240 Women aren't just a buffet, laid out for you to snack on. 721 00:43:30,240 --> 00:43:32,400 Perhaps she's not as innocent as you think she is. 722 00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:36,520 - And that's a very cheeky little dress. - Valerie made her wear it to do the job. 723 00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:38,640 Not that you'd understand. 724 00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:41,360 With looks like hers, I would not have thought a career was that important. 725 00:43:41,360 --> 00:43:44,600 Honestly, Rupert, this was badly done. 726 00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:10,560 - Taggie, I thought-- - Get away from me. 727 00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:13,680 - I thought you wanted me to. - Why on earth would you think that? 728 00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:16,240 Well, you like to watch. 729 00:44:16,240 --> 00:44:18,720 Thought you might be grown up enough to play too. 730 00:44:18,720 --> 00:44:20,880 You're disgusting and I want nothing to do with you. 731 00:44:24,240 --> 00:44:26,360 Taggie... Hang on. 732 00:44:28,880 --> 00:44:30,400 Fucking idiot. 733 00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:33,440 What a stupid fuck. 734 00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:42,360 Rather dramatic end to the evening. 735 00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:45,200 All these sobbing women. 736 00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:47,280 Valerie all right? 737 00:44:48,440 --> 00:44:50,400 She's chuffed to bits that you came to dinner. 738 00:44:51,840 --> 00:44:53,000 So, thank you. 739 00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:54,600 So... 740 00:44:56,720 --> 00:44:57,720 this board thing. 741 00:44:59,320 --> 00:45:03,520 My Val, she... she's keen for me to get into something more cultural. 742 00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:08,760 So, why don't you send me over the business plan? I'll look over it. 743 00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:11,480 I'll give you a call on Monday. 744 00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:29,840 Last night was humiliating. 745 00:45:30,440 --> 00:45:32,080 I don't know if I can do this anymore. 746 00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:37,080 - You and me. - What? Why? 747 00:45:41,920 --> 00:45:43,760 You were at Valerie Jones's dinner party? 748 00:45:45,240 --> 00:45:46,080 Yeah. 749 00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:48,760 I gather you got pudding tipped all over you by my daughter. 750 00:45:48,760 --> 00:45:51,040 - I'll pay for the cleaning bill. - Wouldn't Rupert do that? 751 00:45:52,520 --> 00:45:55,400 It was him that made Taggie drop the pudding when he groped her. 752 00:45:56,040 --> 00:45:56,880 He what? 753 00:45:57,840 --> 00:45:59,480 Oh, you didn't know? Ah. 754 00:46:00,800 --> 00:46:02,720 It was more than a pinch on the bottom, wasn't it? 755 00:46:02,720 --> 00:46:04,640 I didn't see it at the time, but "grope" sounds right. 756 00:46:04,640 --> 00:46:06,720 I'm sorry. He... He fucking what? 757 00:46:07,280 --> 00:46:10,360 Yeah, he's a promiscuous libertine, isn't he? 758 00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:12,280 Fondles whoever he likes. 759 00:46:15,720 --> 00:46:17,800 - Whoa, no. Hold on. Declan. Wait. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 760 00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:20,280 That bastard! Jesus, when I catch him, I'll f-- 761 00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:22,480 Interview him to death? 762 00:46:23,240 --> 00:46:24,400 You know, that's an idea. 763 00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:26,440 Think about it. 764 00:46:26,440 --> 00:46:28,360 You go over there and thump him, who gets to see it? 765 00:46:28,360 --> 00:46:30,320 One housekeeper and a gardener at best. 766 00:46:31,720 --> 00:46:32,920 Have him on the show. 767 00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:36,720 You can flay him in front of 16 million people. 768 00:46:36,720 --> 00:46:39,800 Oh, but you already said you didn't want him, right? No hinterland. 769 00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:40,880 I didn't want him either. 770 00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:43,160 I didn't want to give him the exposure, but exposing him? 771 00:46:44,080 --> 00:46:46,320 Come on, that's a whole different show, isn't it? 772 00:46:46,320 --> 00:46:48,480 That's where you destroy him, 773 00:46:48,480 --> 00:46:50,960 and it lasts a fuck of a lot longer than a black eye. 774 00:46:52,880 --> 00:46:57,200 Revenge is a dish best served on television.