♪ (“IF YOU REALLY REALLY LOVE ME” BY STEEL PANTHER PLAYING) ♪
♪ If you really, really Really, really love me ♪
♪ Then you really, really Really gotta show me ♪
♪ Don't whine when I put it In your booty ♪
♪ Or if I'm up all night Playin' Call of Duty ♪
♪ Never hassle me Because I'm unemployed ♪
♪ If I sleep all day Don't get annoyed... ♪
I know I'm the last person that you want to hear from right now, Chris,
and I--
I can't apologize enough for--
I know that you're mad,
but from the bottom of my heart--
I really am sorry, I'm just trying to--
What were you gonna say?
I was saying--
I am just trying to apologize!
And I just thought you were my fucking friend!
Set me up to take the fall and then you try to send me to prison,
and you think "I'm sorry" is gonna cut it?
- "Cut it!" - Dude, we're off it!
- We are? - I am getting so many moral judgments from people
who regularly kill people.
I don't kill people for nothing, all right?
- When my brother died, I made a vow-- - Right, "the vow."
- Anyone I'd kill, I'd kill for peace. - Oh, Jesus.
So, unlike Keith, no one would ever die for no reason again.
Well, that's fucking stupid!
So, you're gonna make it so that death isn't meaningless anymore?
Go fuck yourself!
I read your file, Chris.
It was an accident! You were a child!
Don't forgive me, that's fine.
But stop letting that shit define who you are.
Are you guys serious right now?
We just had a really sick time murdering Peacemaker's dad,
then all these hilarious fart jokes,
just, like, an all-time classic run,
with my best friend, my second-best friend, Eagly,
my fifth best friend, Adebayo, and now you guys are ruining it.
♪ Do ya really wanna Do ya really wanna taste it? ♪
♪ ("DO YA WANNA TASTE IT" BY WIG WAM PLAYING) ♪
-♪ Get it on ♪ - ♪ Get on top ♪
♪ Make a move extreme ♪
-♪ Make a pose ♪ - ♪ Shortcut to your dreams ♪
♪ I float straight to the stars On that flying thing ♪
-♪ Getting high ♪ - ♪ Getting brave ♪
♪ Getting snow-blind, game ♪
-♪ Set, go ♪ - ♪ Pick a tune, chick harpoon ♪
♪ In a world beyond ♪
♪ Got a beat, got a heat On a phony string ♪
♪ Tear your world apart Once the magic starts ♪
♪ Do ya really wanna Do ya really wanna taste it? ♪
♪ What's going up Must come down ♪
♪ Do ya really wanna Do ya really wanna taste it? ♪
♪ Baby, you're losing ground ♪
♪ Blind to what You'll soon become ♪
♪ The mirror lies The whole world's wrong ♪
-♪ But you ♪ - ♪ Dancing with blinkers on ♪
♪ Throw your dog The invisible bone ♪
♪ Do ya really wanna Do ya really wanna taste it? ♪
♪ What's going up Must come down ♪
♪ Do ya really wanna Do ya really wanna taste it? ♪
♪ Baby, you're losing ground ♪
♪ Blind to what You'll soon become ♪
♪ The mirror lies The whole world's wrong ♪
-♪ But you ♪ - ♪ Dancing with blinkers on ♪
♪ Throw your dog The invisible bone ♪
Mom, there are way more Butterflies than we thought
and the whole team is injured. So, I was thinking, like,
maybe you could call in the Justice League?
No, I'm not kidding.
Can you believe Amanda Waller is her fucking mother?
- Yes. - Do we have time to wait for backup?
No. They're teleporting the creature out of here!
Mom, they're teleporting the creature out of here.
This is our only chance to stop them,
then we're back to square-fucking-one.
Then we're back to square one.
All right.
All right, I will tell her.
Fine. My mom says you're in charge
and Economos and I should stay back in case anything goes wrong.
Copy, Mom.
Yes, ma'am.
How much longer is it going to be?
The teleporter is nearly installed and functional.
As soon it is, we'll move her to the Eastern Base.
Quickly, please.
Forces could arrive any minute, and without her, we're all dead.
If Waller is your mom, why is your last name Adebayo?
I took my wife's name.
Doesn't that make you the girl in the relationship?
We're both girls in the relationship, Adrian.
That's what being a lesbian is.
Hey, Peacemaker...
what do these do?
This is Underwater World, allows you to breathe underwater.
Okay, not sure how we can use that.
This one's Scabies For All. Upon activation,
it gives everybody in a one-mile radius scabies,
except, of course, the wearer of the helmet.
This one is Anti-Gravity. Allows you to float.
- Aimlessly? - No. I carry a tiny hand fan to guide me.
This is Sonic Boom. It's the one I used to stop the rocker chick.
How many booms does it produce on one charge?
I don't know, three, maybe four.
This one, we should just throw away.
What is it? - Human Torpedo.
So, you aim your head at whatever you want to destroy
- and you become a-- - Human torpedo.
Sweet.
Yeah, only sweet if you wanna risk shattering every bone in your body.
It's just a prototype.
Okay, so let's say I want to get this Sonic Boom helmet
onto the top of that barn over there without being seen?
Just the helmet itself?
No. I'm gonna put a walkie in it and activate it from here.
And then maybe you can put on Activate Anti-Gravity
and just float it over there.
- Uh, guys? - Okay, I forgot my tiny hand fan,
but, you know... ...once in the jungles of Cambodia,
I used two oversized palm fronds as--
Guys!
Fuck! Deactivate Anti-Gravity! Deactivate Anti-Gravity!
Did you say "Activate Anti-Gravity?"
No. Maybe. I don't know.
You can't fucking say that shit!
- I didn't know it was that voice sensitive! - Fuck it, no big deal.
I didn't just kill the only man who knows how to make it.
You did just kill the only man who knows how to make it.
I know, bro! I was being sarcastic.
If you're gonna be sarcastic, you should really warn people
so there's no confusion.
Okay, so how do we get the Sonic Boom Helmet
over to the barn?
Well, we can shoot a fishing line over to the barn
from one of these trees here, and just let the helmet slide down.
- Like Green Arrow? - No, not like Green Arrow.
That dude goes to Brony conventions
dressed as the back half of Twilight Sparkle
with a four-inch-wide butthole drilled in the costume.
Maybe it's so he can breathe properly.
You actually believe that shit?
He has an insane story for every single superhero.
No, I actually heard that's true about Green Arrow.
But that's the first thing he's said that's real.
- And Aquaman fucking fish. - Well, yeah, obviously.
Look, it doesn't even matter we don't have any bows.
But we do have a team member capable of flight.
Get the fuck out.
That's right. Good. Okay.
I need you to take that helmet...
...and drop it on top of that barn.
No way can an eagle understand what you're saying.
Oh, Eagly's no ordinary eagle.
No, Eagly, take it.
No, Eagly, just, take--
Take the helmet.
Take it! Take it.
I know you don't like her.
The mean, blonde woman has nothing to do with this.
- No, no. - No.
- No. No. - Eagly. Take the helmet.
- Take the helmet. - Eagly, take the helmet.
Eagly, take the helmet.
Good, Eagly, good. Good boy.
Go, Eagly.
Go to the barn. Go to the barn.
Shit.
I knew there was no way he knew what you were talking about!
Peacemaker is a great guy in almost every way,
but his biggest flaw
is that he commonly overestimates Eagly's abilities.
Okay, they could be teleporting this cow at any minute.
We need to fan out and look for the helmet.
Easy. Easy.
Do you see anything over there?
I saw a squirrel a couple seconds ago. Ants.
No, dude. I'm talking about the helmet.
Well, then you should be more specific.
We're looking for a helmet, why do I care if you saw ants?
Because the circle of life, bro.
What do ants have to do with the circle of life?
They're one of the most important
parts of it.
How are ants a more important part
of the circle of life than, like, fish?
Is that a serious question?
What?
There are shitloads of ants.
How many fish are there?
I don't know! But probably as many as there are ants!
Not in one place
at the same time, dude.
Okay, I am as confused as fuck by this conversation.
Yeah? Well, welcome to the fucking club!
Oh, fuck.
So...
...why'd you change your mind and decide to come?
I saw an eagle hug a human.
So, I thought maybe it was a sign.
- To risk your life? - Yep.
Why wasn't it a sign to, like, run in the opposite direction?
Fuck!
We're never gonna find this dumb fucking hat.
You thought you could lose me by killing me, boy?
I'm in your head. I'm the reason you kill
and the reason you can't sleep at night.
My body may be gone,
but the rest of me is right here!
- And I ain't going nowhere! - Shit.
- The fuck are you doing? - Getting my poison blow gun, fucko.
Well, why don't you just go for your piece, cumstain?
You're metaphorical, douchewad. My gun is real.
I don't want the Butterflies to hear.
I almost tricked you, fuck nugget.
You didn't trick shit, you ballsack-looking fuck.
I immediately went for my blow gun.
I didn't think for a second about going for my gun!
How do you like that, huh?
Thanks for coming back, ghost,
so I could kill you all over again.
Smith?
- What are you doing? - Nothing.
Holy shit.
Whoa.
I need you to do something else for me.
Are you fucking kidding me?
The only way for us to get the helmet inside of the barn
is by one of us going in undercover.
They're gonna notice Adebayo and me with these injuries.
Cool. I'll do it.
You can't do it, man. Goff knows what we look like.
I'll wear a funny nose.
John, you're the only one.
I don't even want to be here. And why are these wet?
- I washed them in the creek. - Why?
One of the things us warriors seldom talk about
is how often people shit themselves when they die.
It's a touch of gray in the white cloud of kicking ass.
So, now, you want me to risk my life
while wearing diarrhea pants?
Hey, nobody said anything about diarrhea. I said it was shit.
- Was it diarrhea? - Yes, it was.
John, you can do this. Just act like they act.
- Don't show any expression. - Yeah, like Harcourt.
Eat my dick, Schwarze-never.
They're aliens. Do they even speak English?
They retain the memories of the bodies they've taken over.
So, they seem to primarily use English when communicating.
Fuck. Fine!
Would you look away?
Happily.
John, you copy? - Yes. Copy.
Don't look back!
They're everywhere. This is fucking stupid.
Remain calm.
Head towards the barn like you know what you're doing.
- Relax your face. - Shut up, I know.
Hey!
Fuck.
Where are you going?
- I'm going inside. - Why?
Fuck!
Because of this bag.
What the fuck does that mean?
Okay. Just wanted to make sure.
How the fuck did that work?
I have a real bad gag reflex.
Oh, shit. I'm good. I'm good.
Would you shut the fuck up?
I can't do this.
John, you're already inside.
You're doing great.
Please. What's there?
Uh... Stairs...
and an elevator.
An elevator's noisy. Head down the stairwell.
Yeah, of course.
You head down the fucking stairwell.
John, don't creep. You have to act normal,
like you're supposed to be there.
We just need you to place the helmet down as low as possible.
Oh, no.
♪
John?
John, you copy?
Uh-uh. Fuck it. No more kaijus. No more kaijus.
- Fuck this. - John, do you copy?
Jesus fuckin' Christ. What the fuck is that?
The fuck is that?
"Cow," my ass. It's a motherfucking caterpillar
the size of the Empire State Building.
Get ready.
We need to get the fuck out of here.
Hey!
Fuck.
The man you've taken over.
Why did he do that to his beard?
Do what?
Why did he color his beard all strange like that?
He thought it made him look younger and more handsome.
He never had a girlfriend,
so he thought dying his beard might help.
But he was also lazy... and busy with his job...
and he wouldn't dye his roots regularly.
And when he did, he used the cheapest brand,
because he was incredibly underpaid.
Mostly, though...
he never thought anybody noticed...
until recently...
when one guy said it to him all the time.
Humans can be really pathetic.
Yeah.
Fine, I dye my beard, all right?
We all know it. I guess I learned my lesson.
L'Oréal probably is worth the extra few bucks.
Hey!
That guy just put this down here!
- Fuck! Do it, now! Do it. - Activate Sonic--
What the fuck?
- How did that even happen? - My hands are sweaty!
♪
Get the fuck off me!
Activate Sonic Boom.
No.
Wait.
Now! - Activate Sonic Boom.
Fuck. Oh, fuck. Fuck.
Activate Sonic Boom.
No.
Activate Sonic Boom.
Yep, that's it for the charges.
No!
Look, I can help.
We need you to stay here, Ads.
If something happens to us, you're the only hope.
The fuck am I?
What's the plan, man?
Let's go kill a cow.
♪ Do ya really wanna Do ya really wanna taste it? ♪
♪ ("DO YA WANNA TASTE IT" BY WIG WAM PLAYING) ♪
Get it on ♪
-♪ Get on top ♪ - ♪ Make a move extreme ♪
-♪ Make a pose ♪ - ♪ Shortcut to your dreams ♪
♪ I float straight to the stars On that flying thing ♪
-♪ Getting high ♪ - ♪ Getting brave ♪
♪ Getting snow-blind, game ♪
-♪ Set, go ♪ - ♪ Pick a tune, chick harpoon ♪
♪ In a world beyond ♪
♪ Once the magic starts ♪
♪ Do ya really wanna Do ya really wanna taste it? ♪
What's going up Must come down ♪
Do ya really wanna Do ya really wanna taste it? ♪
♪ Baby, you're losing ground ♪
♪ Blind to what You'll soon become ♪
♪ The mirror lies The whole world's wrong ♪
-♪ But you ♪ - ♪ Dancing with blinkers on ♪
Throw your dog The invisible bone ♪
Say I do, say I will And put your jet in gear ♪
♪ Anything to get you Out of here ♪
Gotta go hit that ride To the setting sun ♪
Chris! Go kill the cow! We'll hold them off here!
♪ Gotta leave this mess behind Gotta cruise from the blues ♪
♪ Got a life to find What you need's there to read ♪
-♪ On the dotted line ♪ - ♪ Kill your self-control... ♪
Don't fuck with my BFF.
♪ Do ya really wanna Do ya really wanna taste it? ♪
♪ What's going up Must come down ♪
♪ Do ya really wanna Do ya really wanna taste it? ♪
♪ Blind to what You'll soon become ♪
♪ The mirror lies The whole world's wrong ♪
-♪ But you ♪ - ♪ Dancing with blinkers on ♪
♪ Throw your dog The invisible bone ♪
Oh, darn it.
♪ A devil in disguise... ♪
♪ Baby, you're losing ground ♪
♪ Blind to what You'll soon become ♪
♪ The mirror lies The whole world's wrong ♪
-♪ But you ♪ - ♪ Dancing with blinkers on ♪
♪ Throw your dog The invisible bone ♪
Do ya really wanna Do ya really wanna taste it? ♪
♪ What's going up Must come down ♪
♪ Do ya really wanna Do ya really wanna taste it? ♪
♪ Baby, you're losing ground ♪
♪ Blind to what You'll soon become ♪
♪ The mirror lies The whole world's wrong ♪
-♪ But you ♪ - ♪ Dancing with blinkers on ♪
Throw your dog The invisible bone ♪
- Oh, my God. - What's happening? I can't see.
Harcourt is down!
What? The fuck do we do?
Wait, what are you doing?
No, no, Adebayo. You can't. You'll get hurt!
You can't do this! Hey, what makes you think you can do this?
Because I'm made for this shit.
Dude, God, damn it! You're gonna get hurt!
Fuck.
Oh, what the fuck?
What the fuck?
- Oh, my God! Oh, shit! - ♪ ♪
- What the fuck? - ♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Stay with me.
Help...
- ...Chris. - I have to get you out of here.
- Go. - And do what?
Leota!
Be with me, baby Jesus.
Okay.
Oh.
♪
- Goff? - Yeah.
♪
Activate Human Torpedo!
- Adebayo, no! - ♪ ♪
Oh, Jesus, I told her not to use that one.
Listen to me. I have no reason to hurt you.
Stop fighting. Follow me.
♪
Holy cow.
It is.
Good. You found him.
I need three sets of hands to teleport her away from here.
Come again?
See that switch? I need you to flip that
while Locke and I work these two stations
to teleport the cow to our cavern in Maine.
Why the fuck would I help you?
Because I know that once I tell you the truth,
like I did with Judomaster, you'll join us.
Murn told us the truth already.
You've murdered innocent people all over the country
by taking them over in your dipshit quest for power.
We're not doing this for power.
We're doing it because we took a vow.
♪ ♪
Our kind traveled here from a planet
that had become unlivable.
Your planet had the habitat we needed,
water to drink, and air to breathe.
Your food couldn't sustain us, but...
...that's why we brought her.
The cow would help the last of our people survive
for another hundred years.
But not long after we arrived,
we realized the people of Earth
were on the exact same trajectory
as our people had been,
ignoring science in favor of populist leaders
who tell you that the floods and the fires and the disease
are unrelated to your own actions,
valuing profit over survival,
treating minor inconveniences as assaults on your freedom.
And so, we made a vow to do anything we could
to change your future.
We made a vow to make the choices for you
that you were incapable of making on your own,
to save your people and your world,
no matter how many lives it cost us.
Murn disagreed with our methods.
He didn't think we had the right to impose our will.
But you're one of us,
Christopher Smith.
- ♪ ♪ - Please, God...
...I'll do whatever you want me to do...
...for peace.
Thank you for feeding me and talking to me
and showing me kindness.
I see who you are and I see your character.
I tried telling you yesterday, in the jar.
Peace sign.
Please, fulfill your calling.
Be the Peacemaker.
Join us in saving your planet.
What do you say?
♪ (CRESCENDO, SILENCE) ♪
Activate Human Torpedo.
What?
Sorry, Goff.
Oh, what the fuck?
Fucking disgusting!
Thank you.
Hey, guys, what's up?
♪ (SOMBER, DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
You're late, you fucking dickheads!
Go fuck another fish, asshole.
I'm so fucking sick of that rumor.
It's not a rumor.
Fuck you, Barry.
Let's go.
Dr. David, telephone, please.
Dude, you're shot. You gotta be admitted.
I'm fine, seriously. All I need is a good nap.
Did you hear all that stuff Goff said?
Yep.
Did I just...
kill the world?
Maybe.
Or maybe you just gave us a chance to make our own choices
instead of our bug overlords.
Why did you choose not to help them?
Because of your proto-fascist libertarian idea of freedom?
Because I knew they'd hurt you and the others if I did.
Yeah.
I'm sorry I betrayed you.
I know.
Where you going?
To do the right thing.
Ads.
Don't tell V, but...
after Eagly...
you're my BFF.
♪ ("APOLOGIZE" BY THE LAS VEGAS PLAYING) ♪
♪ Well, you know my game Dirty like my name ♪
♪ And you're an angel You're perfection in every way ♪
Yes, that does mean
Christopher Smith never wrote any diary.
Both the Peacemaker
and the costumed crime fighter Vigilante
were working in a deep-cover operation
for the U.S. Government called "Project Butterfly."
This is all part of a black-ops program
known as "Task Force X,"
where convicted criminals are undertaking dangerous missions
for the United States
in exchange for time off their sentences.
It's been running for years out of Belle Reve prison,
under the command of a...
of a woman named Amanda Waller...
What the fuck? - ...who happens to be my mother.
Now, I'm calling for an immediate investigation
- into these inhumane... - Mr. Smith?
...abuses of power.
♪ Well, I want you to know ♪
♪ That no matter how this goes ♪
♪ Are you listening? Tell me, are you listening? ♪
Yeah... ♪
I heard you've been out there for days.
♪ Every time I made you wait Every time you lie awake ♪
♪ And you swore my name For my bad mistake ♪
♪ Every time I lie to you ♪
♪ I wish I would'a Told the truth ♪
♪ For all those times ♪
♪ I apologize to you ♪
♪ Every time I kiss your lips It drives me crazy ♪
♪ You're beautiful, beautiful ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Every time I come home late ♪
♪ Every time I made you wait ♪
♪ Every night you lied awake ♪
♪ And you swore my name For my bad mistake, yeah ♪
♪ Every time I lie to you ♪
♪ I wish I would'a Told the truth ♪
♪ For all those times I apologize ♪
♪ For all of those times ♪
I apologize ♪
Fuck it! Fuck it! Go, go, go!
Fuck!
♪ Every time I come home late ♪
♪ Every time I made you wait Every time you lie awake ♪
♪ And you swore my name For my bad mistake, yeah ♪
♪ Every time I lie to you ♪
-♪ I wish I would'a Told the truth ♪
I apologize... ♪
♪ For all those time I apologize ♪
♪ To you, to you To you, to you, yeah ♪
♪ To you, to you, to you, yeah ♪
To you, to you, yeah ♪
♪ ("YOU CAN'T KILL MY ROCK 'N ROLL" BY HARDCORE SUPERSTAR PLAYING) ♪
♪ Down, down that beat To the floor ♪
♪ You can't kill My rock 'n' roll ♪
♪ I wanna go out ♪
♪ I wanna go out tonight ♪
Need to see the ones I like ♪
♪ No hard times Just pure delight ♪
♪ I call you up What's on your mind ♪
♪ Why can't you come Let's not waste more time ♪
♪ Down, down that beat To the floor ♪
♪ What we are living for ♪
♪ Don't be a whiny bore ♪
♪ You can't kill My rock 'n' roll ♪
♪ Stand down for rock 'n' roll ♪
If you're gonna be sarcastic, you should really warn people,
- so there's no confusion. - What?
For instance, like, I'm about to be sarcastic, okay?
- Okay. - You're not fat at all.
- See? - Why are you all so obsessed
- with my physical appearance? - Sarcasm.
I haven't noticed you eating way more corn chips
than any one human being should eat,
and I'm not worried that you're gonna die.
But I-- I am worried that you're gonna die.
Thanks.